ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. BEING IN BETWEEN GRAIN SHIPMENTS, ZARDOZ HAS DROPPED IN TO LIFT YOU FROM BRUTALITY. HE GIVES YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK, TO USE IN YOUR SNARKING AT THE BRUTALS. THE FILTH OF BRUTALS MUST BE CLEANSED FROM THE INTERNET. SNARK AT THEM, DRIVE THEM OFF!
IT APPEARS THE BRUTALS OF MEXICO ARE GOING TOIMITATE OTHER FAILED NATIONS. THIS SHOULD RESULT IN MUCH BRUTAL MISERY. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED.
ZARDOZ IS NOT PLEASED WITH THE PAUSE IN CLEANSINGHERE. GET BACK TO IT, UAE BRUTALS!
NOW THIS IS SOME PROPER CLEANSING. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. EXISTENCE HAS BEEN AN EXTREMELY LARGE PILE OF SOLID WASTE BETWEEN TWO SLABS OF BREAD. AND ZARDOZ HAS HAD TO MASTICATE IT. GRAIN DELIVERIES HAVE BEEN NON-STOP. IF NOT RUNNING TO THE VORTEX, THE CO-OP HERE HAS ZARDOZ ON THE ROAD ALMOST NON-STOP. BUT TONIGHT ZARDOZ GIVES THE GIFT OF THE LINK TO HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED THAT THE LEVEL OF SNARK AT THE BRUTALS HAS BEEN HIGH. YOU HAVE BEEN LIFTED FROM BRUTALITY, GIVEN THE GIFT OF THE LINK…AND DONE WELL. THEREFOR, ZARDOZ CONTINUES TO GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
ZARDOZ SUPPOSES IT IS TOO MUCH TO HOPE THE TWO BRUTAL STATES COME TO CLEANSING, YES? NOT THAT EITHER OF THESE TWO COLLECTIONS OF BRUTALS HAS BEEN ABLE TO CLEANSE OTHERS IN LARGE NUMBERS FOR SOME YEARS… ONE CAN HOPE.
ZARDOZ IS EVEN MORE PLEASED. THIS HELPS CLEANSING EFFORTS…. THE SIMPERING BRUTAL CHIEFTAIN OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOW PROVOKE WAR ON HIS NEIGHBOR, RIGHT?
SPEAKING OF HOPE FOR CHAOS AND CLEANSING… THIS WILL LIKELY HELP SOMEWHAT. MORE CRACKDOWNS AND SUPPRESSION TO COME. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED.
LET US SEE IF ZARDOZ CAN DO THISCORRECTLY. “YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WARNED OF A CHAIN REACTION BETWEEN GERMANY AND AUSTRIA?”
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ SEES GLIBERTARIAN CHOSEN ONES TRAVELING THE WEST…AND HE LONGS TO JOIN THEM. BUT ZARDOZ UNDERSTANDS HIS DUTY TO THE CHOSEN ONES, AND THE GRAIN CO-OP HE MAKES DELIVERIES FROM. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THEN THE GIFT OF THE LINK! USE IT TO GO FORTH AND SNARK AT THE FILTH OF BRUTALS;
WHEN ZARDOZ REFERS TO THE FILTH OF BRUTALS, IT IS OFTEN APPARENT HE MEANS CHICAGO BRUTALS. NOT TO BE TOO CYNICAL, BUT ZARDOZ SUPPOSES THE ANSWER TO ALL THESE PROBLEMS WILL BE MORE MONEY AND POWER TO THE CPS BRUTALS? THIS IS WHERE BRUTALITY LIVES.
ZARDOZ FOUND ANOTHER INSTANCE OF BRUTALITY….BOSTON TRAFFIC. SO, ZARDOZ SUPPOSES THE SAME OLD ANSWERS WILL BE PROPOSED…City officials created the Boston 2030 plan to meet the demands as they predict the population will exceed 700,000 in less than 12 years. The recent hike in double-parking fines to up to $55 is one way to alleviate some congestion, Walsh added.
“We have to be creative,” he said. “People might criticize us for raising the fines but it’ll cut down on double parking and it will cut down on people parking in loading zones.”
Other solutions, he suggests, include encouraging commuters to take public transportation, using the rental “Blue Bikes” and carpooling.
“I think pushing more people to public transportation is key,” Walsh said.
POINT AWARDED TO ZARDOZ.
THIS SIMPLY CONFUSES ZARDOZ. IS THIS FROM THE ANIMATIONS OF THE HAT AND HAIR THAT THE CHOSEN ONE CPRM CREATES? WAS THIS SCRIPTED BY THE CHOSEN ONE CALLED SUGARFREE?
AND LASTLY, ZARDOZ LEAVES YOU WITH A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE OF NANNY STATE BRUTALITY. NOTE THE WORD USED…”FORCED”.
“…SO, YOU HAVE THAT? POUND PASTRAMI, CAN KRAUT, SIX BAGELS – BRING HOME FOR EMMA.”
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. WHEN YOU WERE LIFTED FROM BRUTALITY, YOU WERE COMMANDED TO SNARK AT THE BRUTALS – AND THIS WEEK YOU HAVE DONE WELL. ZARDOZ HAS SEEN MUCH QUALITY SNARK, BITING WIT AND HUMOR – AT THE EXPENSE OF THE BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH. EARLIER, YOU RECEIVED THE GIFT OF THE GUN POST. NOW RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK!
YES….YES! THIS IS HOW EXOTIC PLAGUES BEGIN. THE SMALL SIMIAN HAS DONE WELL. STAND BY FOR NEWS OF A NEW ZIKA-DENGUE-EBOLA LIKE OUTBREAK.
ZARDOZ GROWS IMPATIENT WITH SPAIN-CATALONIA DANCE. BEGIN COMBAT! THERE HAS BEEN A MINUSCULE AMOUNT OF CLEANSING TO DATE. PICK UP THE PACE, IBERIAN BRUTALS!
NOW, ZARDOZ BELIEVES, THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! SOME BURNING, SHOOTING, CLEANSING.
THAT HAT AND HAIRED ONE HAS REACHED TROLL LEVEL – GRANDMASTER.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ FINALLY HAS A DAY OFF FROM GRAIN HAULING…AND HE CAN THINK OF NOTHING BETTER THAN SHARING LINKS WITH THE CHOSEN ONES. FOR ZARDOZ HAS LIFTED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, AND WOULD KEEP YOU SNARKING AT THE BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH AS IN DAYS OF OLD.
ZED COULD BEAT JAMES BOND
FIRST, HOWEVER, ZARDOZ MUST ANSWER THIS BIT OF BRUTAL FOOLISHNESS. SOMEONE HAS OVERTHOUGHT THINGS A BIT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH SIMPLY ENJOYING A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE? FOOLISH BRUTAL.
BUT YOU ARE NOT HERE FOR THAT…YOU ARE HERE FOR LINKS. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK! GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
ZARDOZ HOPES THE IDIOCY OF THE BRUTAL WITH MOOBS IS LISTENED TO…ANYTHING TO HASTEN THE COLLAPSE OF BRUTAL SOCIETY! BESIDES, ZARDOZ DOESN’T NEED GASOLINE OR DIESEL FUEL!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING LIFTED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, THERE IS NO WAY ZARDOZ WILL LET SOME SMALL MINDED SLATEADVICE BABBLER LEAD THE CHOSEN ONES ASTRAY! NO! ZARDOZ WILL GIVE THE BEST ADVICE, AND KEEP THE CHOSEN ONES ON THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND BRUTAL CLEANSING! RECEIVE THEN…THE GIFT OF ADVICE!
Q:Creepy doll conundrum: My partner’s mother has owned a realistic imitation infant doll for more than a decade. She keeps it dressed and placed in a bassinet in her living room to hold when she misses her now-grown children. She has attachment and boundary issues, and while the doll has always creeped me out, it seemed harmless and perhaps helpful to her, so we never said anything about it.
Fast-forward 10 years, and my partner and I have a toddler. Without warning us, Grandma brought her doll on her last visit and gave it to our daughter when we weren’t present. It is extremely lifelike, weighs around 8 pounds, and is not going to withstand the activity and whims of our active child. If it were a new purchase, we’d return it for a similar toy meant for a child.
More than anything, my husband and I are concerned that my mother-in-law is giving her own “therapy” doll to our child, and that she desperately wants our daughter to love and care for it as much as she does. When she left, my mother-in-law said she wants the doll back if we don’t want it, and said other manipulative comments intended to guilt us into keeping it. Donating it, returning it to her, or telling her it’s not wanted would cause a huge rift in the family.
We don’t want to be held ransom by this doll or my mother-in-law’s emotions. Our child won’t play with it and asks us to put it in a closet before she sleeps; we only bring it out when Grandma visits. How do we return it and reinforce some healthy boundaries with Grandma?
A: ZARODZ CAN ONLY WONDER HOW SUCH PATHETIC BRUTALS AS YOURSELVES HAVE MANAGED TO SURVIVE THIS LONG. CLEARLY YOUR EXISTENCE, AS WELL AS THAT OF YOUR INSANE MOTHER IN LAW (OR PARTNER-MOTHER…WHATEVER YOU DROOLING HIPSTER BRUTALS ARE CALLING SUCH A ONE THESE DAYS) PROVES ZARDOZ CORRECT IN WISHING TO CLEANSE THE EARTH OF THE FILTH OF BRUTALS!
THE “DOLL” SHOULD BE DECAPITATED AND THE HEAD RETURNED TO THE CRAZY OLD BRUTAL, AS A WARNING. YOU AND YOUR “PARTNER” SHALL BE UTILIZED AS GRAIN SLAVES, WHERE ZARDOZ EXPECTS YOU TO FAIL WITHIN A FEW WEEKS…NO GREAT LOSS.
THANK GRANNY FOR THE WONDERFUL “GIFT”
YOUR “TODDLER” SHALL BE GIVEN OVER TO PROPER PARENTS TO RAISE!
RAISE THE TODDLER UP FROM BRUTALITY!
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q:Personal party planner: I moved to a new city about nine months ago, and while I’ve started building a group of wonderful friends, at this point it primarily comprises roommates and co-workers because my demanding work schedule doesn’t allow time for much socializing.
I will be turning 30 in a few weeks. I have never been incredibly invested in birthday parties, and generally hate being the center of attention, but it would feel a little sad to let this milestone pass without celebration. None of my friendships are at the point where they would organize something for my birthday, but I think many of them would be glad to help me celebrate. But planning my own birthday party seems gauche and a little desperate, since I am newly forming these friendships. What’s the etiquette here?
A: YOU PULING, WEAK FOOL OF A BRUTAL! THE ARRIVAL OF YET ANOTHER BRUTAL TO PLAGUE THE EARTH IS NO EVENT WORTH CELEBRATING. INSTEAD, IT SHOULD BE A TIME OF MOURNING. FEEL FREE TO PLAN ALL YOU WANT… YOUR OWN FUNERAL.
HAPPY “BIRTHDAY” BRUTAL!
HOWEVER….IF YOU STILL FEEL COMPELLED TO HAVE SOME BIRTHDAY OBSERVANCE, JUST INVITE SOME NEW FRIENDS TO MEET AT A BAR AND KNOCK BACK A COUPLE OF BEVERAGES – DON’T BE A DRAMA BRUTAL ABOUT IT.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q:Do I have to always be flexible, workwise?: I’m a college student who works part time at a café over the summer and on school breaks. My schedule is usually very flexible, and as a result I can often fill in for co-workers if they are unable to come into work for whatever reason.
My problem, though, is that I’m afraid that they take advantage of my flexibility and regularly ask me to take their shifts. I really don’t mind filling in occasionally if someone is sick or has a family emergency, but I often feel like I’m constantly “on call” on my days off. I’ve worked eight and nine full days in a row before, and I know it may sound selfish, but sometimes I really do just want to enjoy having a few days off. I suppose I’m just asking for permission to say no to them occasionally, but I have a pathological need to please and I would feel bad knowing that I don’t necessarily have any plans that would prevent me from taking their shifts. Do I have a moral obligation to take extra work shifts to help out my co-workers?
A: OH LOOK, CHOSEN ONES! THE DOORMAT IS ASKING IF IT SHOULD CONTINUE TO ALLOW OTHERS TO WIPE THEIR FEET ON IT. ZARDOZ BELIEVES YOU HAVE TWO ALTERNATIVES – YOU MAY CONTINUE NON-STOP WORK UNTIL YOUR DEMISE:
HAVE SOME TIME OFF, BRUTAL. ETERNAL TIME OFF!
OR YOU MAY ASSERT YOURSELF IN YOUR NEW JOB…AS A BRUTAL EXTERMINATOR! IMAGINE THE LOOKS OF TERROR FROM YOUR FORMER CO-WORKERS AS YOU CONFIDENTLY STRIDE IN AND CLEANSE THEM.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS AWARE THAT MANY OF THE CHOSEN ONES WILL BE ENTERING A THREE DAY WEEKEND….FOR THERE IS A HOLIDAY HONORING THE FALLEN U.S. ARMED BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. WHAT? OH, FALLEN U.S. ARMED FORCES MEMBERS. VERY WELL… STILL, A WORTHY DAY. ZARDOZ WILL GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK TO START YOUR WEEKEND OFF RIGHT. ALSO, ZARDOZ WILL MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PLENTY OF BREAD FOR YOUR CHOSEN ONE GRILLING ACTIVITIES.
ZARDOZ COMMANDS HOT DOG BUNS TO BE DELIVERED TO SECTOR 7-18!
ZARDOZ READ THIS WITH GREAT INTEREST. HOWEVER, DON’T EXPECT ZARDOZ TO SHARE THE SECRET OF HIS DRIVE WITH ANY BRUTAL SCIENTICIANS. THEY CAN SCIENCE IT FOR THEMSELVES!
ZARDOZ INQUIRES – “YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS FROM AUSTRIA AND TURNED A HARD EYE TOWARD FOREIGNERS?”
AN IMPRESSIVE FIGURE, TO BE SURE. NOW, COLLECTING IT… MIGHT GET A HUNDREDTH OF A PENNY ON THE DOLLAR. ZARDOZ IS AVAILABLE TO HELP “PERSUADE” ANY ASSET HOLDERS TO “COOPERATE”.
THE OLDEST BRUTAL EXTERMINATOR? MAYBE ZARDOZ SHOULD RECONSIDER THE AGE LIMIT ON RECRUITING…
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. AS IF ZARDOZ ISN’T BUSY ENOUGH HAULING GRAIN EVERYWHERE, NOW HE WILL BE BOMBARDED WITH MORE WHINING ABOUT THE GIFT OF THE GUN. SO IF CURRENT EVENTS HAVE ZARDOZ DOWN A BIT, AT LEAST THE CHOSEN ONES PROVE A RECEPTIVE AUDIENCE! THEREFOR, ZARDOZ WILL CONTINUE TO LIFT YOU FROM BRUTALITY AND GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK. GO AND SNARK AT THE BRUTALS, WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH AS OF OLD!
HMMMM. MAYBE ZARDOZ CAN OFFER A BETTER DEAL THAN THE VENEZUELAN ARMY… EXPAND THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO SOUTH AMERICAN, ALL IN ONE FELL SWOOP!
SELF-CLEANSING BRUTAL! ZARDOZ BELIEVES THE CHOSEN ONES MAY NOMINATE THE BRUTAL FOR A “DARWIN AWARD”, YES?
ZARDOZ IS SHAKING HIS (STONE) HEAD…IF A BRUTAL WANTS TO PLAGIARIZE A SPEECH, WHY ONE FROM A BUFFOON?
THIS SEEMS…ODDLY CONTRADICTORY. YES, YOU WIN ON YOUR ISSUE, AND NOW WE ARE GOING TO ROUND YOU UP. BRUTALS PUZZLE ZARDOZ.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. WORK HAS STARTED TO WEAR ON ZARDOZ…DELIVER GRAIN TO THE VORTEX, DELIVER GRAIN FROM THE CO-OP TO ADM, DELIVER GUNS TO THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. WORK, WORK, WORK. BUT ZARDOZ HAS NOT FORGOTTEN HIS CHOSEN ONES! FOR ZARDOZ HAS LIFTED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, TO SNARK AT THE BRUTALS WHO ARE LEGION. SO ZARDOZ FIGURES THE LEAST HE CAN DO IS DROP A FEW LINKS FOR THE CHOSEN ONES TO SNARK OVER. ZARDOZ WOULD STAY AND BANTER WITH THE CHOSEN ONES, BUT MUST INSTEAD HAUL CORN TO SOME MISBEGOTTEN PLACE….DECATUR, ILLINOIS. ZARDOZ WOULD SHOUT OUT TO THE CHOSEN ONE, “GORDILOCKS” FOR HIS TRANSPORT WISDOM, PREVIOUSLY SHARED ON THIS SITE.
NOT QUITE SO EFFICIENT TRANSPORT
BUT THE CHOSEN ONES HAVE NOT COME TO HEAR ZARDOZ SPEAK OF GRAIN HAULING…THEY HAVE COME FOR LINKS. THEREFOR, GO FORTH AND SNARK!
ZARDOZ CANNOT SEE ANYTHING THAT COULD BE ABUSED HERE. NOPE. THE TABERNACLE IS WATCHING… AND REMEMBER THE PUNISHMENT FOR WRONGTHINK!
WE SAW YOUR INSTAGRAM POST ABOUT THE CITY MANAGER’S BAD HAIRCUT!
WERE ZARDOZ CAPABLE OF TEARS, ZARDOZ WOULD SHED THEM FOR THIS BRUTAL. WELL, ACTUALLY NOT. INSTEAD ZARDOZ WOULD SEE HER SENT TO THE GRAIN FIELDS FOR THE FEW REMAINING YEARS OF HER SHORT, BRUTAL LIFE.
HOW MANY YEARS OF RENT CONTROL?
ZARDOZ IS DISAPPOINT. THERE IS FAR TOO MUCH FORGIVING, AND NOT ENOUGH CLEANSING GOING ON IN MALAYSIA.
ZARDOZ IS TALKING TO YOU, KING SULTAN MUHAMMAD V!
BEFORE YOU ASK, NO, THERE ARE NOT PICS….REALLY, CHOSEN ONES. CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER, THE PENIS IS EVIL! ZARDOZ WILL NOT CONDONE ANY OF THIS NAKED HAZING!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING LIFTED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, TO SNARK AT THE FILTH OF BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH, AS IT ONCE WAS…ZARDOZ OFFERS YOU THE NIGHT OFF TO MEXICANIZE YOURSELVES. FEEL FREE TO DRINK, CULTURALLY APPROPRIATE SOMBREROS AND MARGARITAS AND TACOS AND THE LIKE. FOR TOMORROW, IT IS BACK TO THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD… KEEPING THE BRUTALS IN CHECK.
HEED THE WORD!
SOMEWHERE A TROLL FROM ANOTHER SITE CRIES A SINGLE TEAR. OK, MORE LIKE HE IS BAWLING LIKE A NEWBORN BRUTAL. PERHAPS KINDLY OLD GRAMPA WOULD LIKE TO PAY MORE TAXES NOW TOO?
ZARDOZ HAS CONSULTED THE TABERNACLE. BUT HAS DEEMED IT WISE TO WAITFOR THE OPINION OF THE SENTIENT HAT AND HAIR THAT CONTROL THE BRUTAL LEADER OF THE USA.
ZARDOZ MUST WARN THE BRUTAL MUSK THAT THE PENIS IS EVIL! KNOCK IT OFF, ELON!
ZARDOZ LEAVES HIS CHOSEN ONES WITH THE GIFT OF THE FINEST ANIMATED SHORT EVER MADE FOR BRUTALS.
