Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Author: Not Adahn

IFLA: The “Holy Crap, it’s Friday already?” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of Dec 30

The bad part of being the guy who comes in the week between Christmas and New Years to keep the labs from burning down is all of other people’s work that you need to do. The good part is you can do it in the order and in the way that you want.

First alignment: Saturn-Sol-Luna. “A Great Ending.” Great in this case meaning “large” or “profound,” not “happy.”

Second alignment: Mercury-Sol-Mars: “Tidings of War.” This doesn’t have the auspicious aspect of last week, but is not necessarily bad. It has a tangential relationship to the ending mentioned above.

Third alignment: Jupiter-Mercury-Terra: “News of Home.” Good for expats and homebodies. Also big changes at the TSA.

Luna in Libra. Change and stability. A generally unpleasant sign when things at cross-purposes are forced together. Hangovers will be bad.

Venus in Scorpio. You should probably recognize this one by now.

Jupiter and Mercury in Sagittarius. Changes in firearms law.

Mars in Pisces. Bad luck involving fish. Be particularly vigilant in maintaining your aquaria.

The Sun joins Saturn in Capricorn. For those of us not born under the sign of the sea-goat, we will experience Gold and Lead. Problems will be particularly intractable. Expect defiance, and for subtle tactics to fail. Your enemies will have more resources than usual.

Sorry for the downer forecast. PLEASE don’t pass out around people who will draw dicks on your face or steal your wallet, car keys, etc. If you’re hosting a party and a friend-of-a-friend shows up, make sure they leave at the end of the night and lock the door behind them.

December 30, 2018
IFLA: The Horoscope for the Week of Dec 23

Such good news this week! I’ve mentioned before that most astrological signs are portents of disaster, but this week is extraordinary in that is has three (count ’em!) good signs, and rather fantastically good signs at that.

Sol-Terra-Luna: The Son of Man on his throne with the sun in his right hand and the moon in his left. All things are as they should be.

Sol-Mercury-Mars: Good news for fighting folk. Note that this is tied to the earlier alignment through the Sun (life). This is pretty much exactly what you want to see if you have a loved one warring.

Venus-Mercury-Jupiter: Good tidings of great joy. This relates to the above through Mercury, so there will not only be good news of those mentioned above, but for them as well. I wonder if it means we’ll hear from Derpetologist. It could be, the stars did predict the return of IFH after all.

Another use of proven technology to communicate

For the rest of the horioscope:

This week, the sun enters Capricorn. Expect feasting.

New moon in Cancer: Secrets and new gains. Growth, both desired and less so.

Jupiter and Mercury in Sagittarius. Predictions come true. Wish not ill upon others.

Mars in Pisces: Red and Green. A major event involving red and green will come to pass this week.

December 23, 2018
IFLA: The Horoscope for Dec 16

For those of you who say I “never” mention your sign a) you’re wrong and b) here’s why you might perceive that:

There are seven celestial bodies and twelve signs. This is already a problem. However, three of those seven are linked and are always close together. Venus is never more than two signs from the sun (it’s the morning or evening star, never the midnight star) and Mercury is never more than one sign away. So for eleven months out of the year, you can’t get the sun, nine you can’t get Mercury, and seven you can’t even have Venus (which really kind of sucks, seeing as how she give a buff to your chances to getting laid). If it’s not that slice of the year when you can get those three, you’ll have to rely on the outer planets which move very slowly because they are fat.

This week sees a continuation of the Saturn-Venus-Sol alignment (see last week’s horoscope for interpretation details) but this week it intersects (through Venus) with another (angularly irrelevant) alignment of Venus-Terra-Luna. Like Venus, the Moon is a powerful feminine sign. The Earth represents home. So you have two women living together in a loving relationship. Which reminds me that IFH hasn’t been on in a long time and this week is really lucky for a particular demographic that is conspicuously absent here.

That’s it. That’s all the alignments this week.

The new visitations aren’t terribly good, unfortunately. The moon in Aries brings missteps and inappropriate irritability. Be careful not to overreact to provocations.

Mars in Pisces adds to the irritation, supra.

Triple conjunction in Sagittarius — Sol, Mercury, Jupiter. This is the gambler’s fortune. I’m… not certain how to apply it to the Glibertariat as a whole. For an individual client, it would signify victory in a game, but so many of you back opposing teams that doesn’t seem to make any sense.

Venus in Scorpio. We mentioned that last week. Oh, and about Scorpio ruling the fin bits? Here’s a diagram of the body and how the zodiac relates:

You should see some of the medieval ones. I know that dissection and therefore human anatomy was forbidden, but Jesus guys THE HEART IS NOT AT THE WAISTLINE

December 16, 2018
IFLA: The Horoscope for the week of December 9 — a Tutorial

This week, the signs are simple and clear. So simple and so clear that I’ll be giving a free tutorial on how to read them.

Alignment the first: Sol-Jupiter-Luna. Sol = life, growth, benevolence. Jupiter = government, rulership, mirth. Luna = change, water, femininity, secrets. An obvious reading would therefore be “prosperity for the ruler of water” or more plainly “Aquaman will have a good opening weekend.” However, we can safely rule out this interpretation because Aquaman does not open this weekend. But it should have. This is what Warner Bros. gets for not having an astrologer on staff. *koff*I’m available*koff*. Since the naive interpretation is out, we need to go a bit deeper. In this case, having both the Sun and Moon together being the greatest lights serves as a source of auspicity, trebly so with Jupiter being involved. If the moon were full, this would be the maximum positive good luck arrangement, if the moon were new, this would indicate perfect social stability. Neither are the case here. The moon is a waxing crescent, but waxing is good.

Alignment the second: Sol-Saturn-Venus. The sun is still the same here, but we’re adding Saturn (time, ending, cannibalism) and Venus (love, peace, rumpy-pumpy). There are two classic interpretations of this based on the typical reading of Saturn as “ending.” The gypsy one (better in my opinion since it acknowledges Sol) is “a windfall resulting from the death of a female” though it can also obviously mean the figurative death of a woman e.g. the departure of someone at your employer leading to your promotion. The more modern (and in my opinion lesser) interpretation couples Venus and Saturn to mean “the end of relationship” while nodding at the sun “to your benefit.” This seems a bit wishful thinking to me. My modern-modern interpretation notices that Saturn is another name for Chronos (the legendary anthrotheophage) and concludes that the only way Saturn could have an effect on such a beneficent construction as Venus-Sol is obvious: oral sex.

The relationship between the alignments: if these two were at 90 degrees, they would be opposing each other. There are important meanings at 30, 45, and 60 degrees as well. Actually, some poor sod actually spent his life correlating angles with historical events and came up with a table for everything, including the angle these two are at (~55 degrees) but I don’t have it at hand so I won’t worry about it since it’s not a cardinal angle.

Venus and Mercury in Scorpio – Venus does not always refer to sexual love. But if it’s in Scorpio, it does. Scorpio is the scorpion; it hides under rocks, it has secrets, it is easily pissed off. It’s the earth counterpart to the water sign of the crab. On the human body it refers to the genitals for reasons I’ve never understood (except maybe the analogy of sticking something into a crevice and becoming poisoned). Mercury (which is no longer retrograde thank the stars) is a sign of change, but it is also the messenger of the gods. So this particular conjunction is less about actually having sex, but more about news of sex. So, porn.

Mars in Pisces – God of war, fire sign meets the fishes, water sign. Pisces is one of the plural signs, indicating duality, contradiction, and spirit. Since neither of these signs are involved in anything else, the meaning of this is that the skies are trying to confuse you. Don’t let them. Ignore astrologers, they are going to be wrong.

Saturn and Luna in Capricorn – we’ve already talked about Saturn and the moon, so we just need to talk about Capricorn. Capricorn is kind of odd. Everyone has different interpretations — some say it is a crocodile, some say it is a goat, some say it is a fish-goat hybrid, some say it is the god Enki. And because of that, there are lots of different attributes associated with it. However, everyone agrees that it is an earth sign, and probably the heaviest, most negative one at that. Saturn’s metal is lead, so combining those two results in immense stasis, but but not the comfortable, nesting, homeostatic stability kind, more of the oppressed, nothing ever changes, there is no hope kind. This is kind of why I gloss over it most weeks. But, there is a glimmer (literally) of hope. This week the waxing (good luck) moon shows up. The crescent moon is the least powerful, but in this extremely slim crescent form it represents new life/rebirth. So, for those of you in the darkness, look carefully because there will be a light.

Jupiter and Sol in Sagittarius – Sagittarius is the archer, and represents the civilian/peaceful use of weapons as opposed to the warrior/military aspects of Mars. Sagittarius is also the centaur, representing the aspects of the astrologer, such as wisdom and having an enormous penis. Leo is the sexual partner you’re with because they seem like what a partner should be, Scorpio is the partner you crave, Sagittarius is the partner that make you orgasm in ways you didn’t know were possible and how the fuck did they do that? Also, watchmakers. Obviously, your watches are going to run great this week. Well, sort of. See, on Monday, Jupiter is going to go retrograde. What this means is that while currently it’s best to do things as if you were a devout Taoist or Confucian, starting Monday, that path is going to lead to heartache. Instead, violate teleological norms and you’ll have better luck. “Explore” a little.

December 9, 2018
IFLA: The Horoscope for the Week of December 2

My Thanksgiving visit to Texas went exactly as the stars said it would: Venus in Libra ensured happiness and tranquility with my family and friends, and MERCURY RETROGRADE forewarned me that the flights would be a shitshow of cancellations, reschedulings, and lost luggage. Also, I don’t know what the astrological sign of tacos is, but there’s a taqueria right off of 290 in Giddings that is just the platonic ideal of what a taco shop should be.

Speaking of MERCURY RETROGRADE, it’s quite busy being a bastard this week. First of all, it’s hanging out in Scorpio indicating sexual dysfunction. Second of all, it’s part of an alignment with Venus also indicating problems with your love life. However, that alignment intersects with another one through the sun of Sol-Jupiter-Terra. Now this leg is a good sign, indicating that things are going really well in one’s home life. So maybe… you get hammered and approached by a hottie, but you will be too drunk to fuck and this saves your marriage? Your pool boy suffers a groin injury and suddenly your partner pays more attention to you? Honestly, I’m having trouble with some of these interpretations. MERCURY RETROGRADE is causing all sorts of inexplicable self-contradictory problems at work and the insomnia been acting up as a result. Since the sun is the intersection of these two alignments, the end result should generally be good. So under the horses-not-zebras principle, this pair of alignments probably means that there will be an incident of coitus interruptus, but one which will result in a good story that winds up making you closer to the party with whom you were interruptus-ed.

December 2, 2018
BIF Review: Florida Beer

TL;DR: these beers are all of high quality, and very true to type. If you like a particular style of beer, you will like these versions of that style.

Omphtaloskepsis begins now:

This box of goodies was a very nice gift, and like all good gifts, it says something. It says something about the recipient (I like beer) it says something about the relationship between the parties (we like beer), but what does it say about Florida Man? Rather a lot, and rather surprising revelations to me, who only knows FM from his meth-and-gator insights and his flirtations with Jesse.

These beers are all very disciplined. While it’s fun to think of Florida as the home of funny headlines and Burn Notice, it’s beers like this that reminds you that it’s also the home of the House of Mouse. At every brewery tour I’ve ever been to, someone in the tour group makes some comment about how megabrews suck, and the tour guide always responds with some variant of “They are great brewers, it takes a lot of skill to make a beer with so little taste and no way of hiding flaws.” Well, these beers are like that — not because they have no taste, but because (with one exception) the tasting experience is perfectly consistent across time and tongue. Any off notes would be very easy to notice, and they aren’t here. I actually find this a little disconcerting, as my favorite genre (Trappist ales) has tons and tons of different things with the flavor in flux from the first sip to the swallow. You can hide mistakes in that. And while I only got one can of each, I’m completely willing to believe that the quality control at these FL breweries are much better than I get when drinking the Belgians (though to be fair, there is a lot more room for variation when stuff gets shipped across the Atlantic). The other thing about these beers is they are exactly what is on the label. No “well, it’s kinda sweet, so maybe we’ll call it a porter?” Other people with more knowledge than I have may disagree, but as far as I can tell, the typicality of these ranges from “textbook” to “would win best in breed at Westminster.”

So what beers did Florida Man send me? These beers:

Funky Buddha “Floridian Wheat Hefeweizen” – orangeish yellow, mildly sweet, citrus aftertaste. Great with pizza. Somewhat light-bodied for an unfiltered type. I give it: three beers out of a six-pack.

3 Daughters Brewing “St. Pete Beach Blonde Ale” – pale yellow, cloudy, headless. An odd scent, presumable from some sort of yeast of which I am unfamiliar. The taste is pleasant, sweet, and a little hoppy, with a buttery aftertaste. I give it: thirteen out of twenty-five wafers in a FOUP.

3 Daughters Brewing “Rod Bender Red Ale” – I likes me some red ales, and I likes the heck out of this one. More russet than red, with a malty and yeasty nose, this is one of the beers you should pull out when someone says “balanced malt and hops” to show them one that actually does this. As good as the beer is, I’m wondering about the brewery name. 3 Daughters? Isn’t every woman a daughter, kind of by definition? Why not “3 Chicks Brewing?” I give it: 17 /19 prime numbers.

Tampa Bay Brewing Co. “Last Days of Summer Fruited Sour Ale” – This is one of the ones I can’t verify is true to type, due to my lack of experience. All the sours I’ve had up till now (which has been three I think) have been very tart. This one isn’t. You might call it subtle. When you pour it, it looks like Natty Light, when you smell it it smells like peaches and hops. When you taste it though, it is neither. It’s very mildly tangy, and like other sours and fruited lambics, completely un-beery. If I were to try and bring a fruited sour to the Japanese market, it would be this one. I give it e / pi transcendental numbers.

J. Dubs Brewing Co. “Bell Cow Milk Chocolate Porter” – It’s chocolate. Dark brown, chocolate nose, chocolate taste. I like chocolate. I like this beer, rather a lot. But because they are cramming actual chocolate into this, there’s room to hide mistakes in brewing. So I can’t claim that this is as high quality of the rest here, but I can claim it’s yummy. I give it: 4.5 / 5 Kit-Kat bars.

Crooked Can Brewing Co. “Mr. Tractor Kolch” – Someone who is an actual expert needs to drink one of these so they can explain something to me. People keep equating “bitter” with “hops,” so when I say “I don’t particularly care for IPAs,” that gets translated to “I don’t like bitter beers” which is not true. This beer has a definite hard stop of bitterness to it, which while I don’t think necessarily adds to this particular beer, isn’t a flaw or off-putting to me. What it does NOT have is a flavor equivalent to its nose, which is what I think of as “hops,” a resinous herbal scent (and in other beers, flavor). I can only assume that there are some hops which impart a more bitter taste ,and other cultivars that impart a Pine-Sol taste. It would be good to have an actual beer person either confirm this or explain the difference between this beer’s bitterness and an IPA’s “I am drinking a lumberyard.” (Note to self: name my brewery’s IPA “Hoppy Ending.” Put a picture of an Asian girl in a bikini top on the label.) Anyway, if you offer someone a beer, and they say “yes,” and then you ask “what kind?” and they say “I dunno. A beer.” Then you should give them this one. I give it 55 / 88 degrees Fahrenheit.

Florida Avenue Brewing Co. “Brown Ale” – Brown. Dense head. Nose of roasted malt and hops. Toasty, caramel, really good, buttery aftertaste. lighter body than most. An excellent candidate to be my everyday beer. I give it: 77 / 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

Bold City Brewery “Killer Whale cream ale” – Pale yellow, minimal head, smells like high school. Taste is subtle, muted, sweet. I give it: 90 / 165 beers in a keg

Cigar City Brewing “Florida Cracker Belgian-Style White Ale” – Yellow, hazy, thick head, little smell, lightly fruity. It’s a Belgian White. I give it: 2 / 3 orange peels

*About the numeric scores — the Venn diagram of “thing that are good” and “things that I like” does not perfectly overlap. The scores are how much I like them, not of “how good” they are. These are all quite good, high-quality beers. Also, I am totally not ripping off a particular movie reviewer’s shtick, I am trying to make it a meme.

December 1, 2018
There is no Constellation Named “The Great Turkey:” The Horoscope for the week of Nov 25

Not much time to get the horoscope cast, as I’ll be making the trip from NY to TX for Thanksgiving so who knows how long that will take. Plus what with visiting family and friends my connectivity will be spotty at best. Not that it matters, as I’m sure you will all be too full of food, consumerism, and football to care. But here goes:this week:

MERCURY RETROGRADE continues. In fact it’s in alignment with Terra and Luna. So, the “Home” sign is aligned with two “Chaos” signs. Gee, I wonder why?

Also this week, and also aligned with Terra: Sol and Jupiter. So “Home” aligned with “Happiness” and “Tradition.” Seriously, some weeks this job is just too fucking easy.

In less completely obvious signs, we have Luna in Gemini. Very good news for imagination, even to the point of psychosis. Writers will come up with good (or at least interesting) ideas. Spats between friends, but nothing that will end a relationship.

Mars remains in Pisces. Conflict over food (really?), offense wins out over defense.

Saturn remains in Capricorn because fuck you that’s why.

Venus remains in Libra. Excellent omens for your love life. Mutual satisfaction all around. Sex workers reap a bounty.

Sagittarius goes bonkers hosting Jupiter, the Sun, and MERCURY RETROGRADE. Money will be lost betting on sports, expect unexpected upsets. Illegal hunting is strongly contraindicated. Stay off the archery range.

November 25, 2018
This is the week that Will Be: The Horoscope for the Week of November 18

Unlike last week, this week’s skies don’t require advanced PowerPoint technology to decipher. Which isn’t to say that things are boring, oh no. First, Venus has resumed direct motion so any conjugal issues you may have been having should be resolved. Second, we are once again entering a period of MERCURY RETROGRADE, so rejoice in your ability to eschew responsibility for the fuckups that you cause.

That MERCURY RETROGRADE does come with a cost. It’s part of an extremely bad alignment with Saturn and the Earth, which is usually Very Bad News, on par with the death of a dog or a roof collapse. However, there are some things working against it which are probably shielding the house proper and those who dwell within it. Instead, expect some sort of disaster to befall the extended property. Wildfire if you’re a land owner, boiler loss if you’re an apartment dweller, that sort of thing.

MERCURY RETROGRADE is also in a second alignment with the Sun and Mars, but because of the relative angles of the alignments, these are independent issues not related ones (this week actually has two of these out-of-phase intersections which is rather unusual). I think you can all figure this one out on your own: Mars = war, MERCURY RETROGRADE = very bad news/chaos. This is not a good week to be involved in hostilities.

Like the previous two, this is an independent event alignment. Unlike the previous two, it is good news. It’s actually one of the best signs re: domestic bliss, the alignment of Sol-Jupiter-Venus. As I mentioned before, Venus is back to being the harbinger of love and peace and Jupiter is stability, harmony, righteous rule and happiness. The sun is light/life/empowerment. So you’ve got that going for you.

This week, Pisces plays host to the moon and to Mars. It’s an auspicious week for spearfishing and video games of the FPS and brawler type. Also good for people trying to evade manhunts, but bad for the mustered soldiery. The rest of us will find things a bit muted or mellow, if you prefer.

This week, hunting accidents will increase as MERCURY RETROGRADE brings its chaos to Sagittarius. However, since Jupiter is also there as a moderating influences, these accidents will be less lethal and more of a “have a good story to tell” variety. Still, be particularly careful with gun safety this week. Speaking of gun safety, remember how the stars told me that NYS would finally deign to recognize my right to keep (and bear in a tremendously limited sense) a 1967 Ruger Standard? It of course came to pass. I believe it was last fired in 1984. I watched many Youtube videos on the takedown and reassembly, but none of them mentioned that a mallet would be required for the procedure. It was. By the time this gets published I will have taken it to the range and given it some test bangs. Since it will be happening before MERCURY RETROGRADE kicks in, I’m not too worried about the thing exploding in a way it’s not supposed to.

Saturn in Capricorn means that Saturn is very far away and its relative motion through the zodiac had more to do with our annual orbit and not its fat ass.

November 18, 2018
This is what Astrology Looks Like: The Horoscope for the week of November 11

So many times, the sky is empty. The planets scattered, filling the silent halls with mumbling irrelevancies.

This week is not one of those weeks.

This week’s chart could be used as a final examination in a mid-level class on data analysis, should The Royal Science ever regain its place in the halls of academia. Which it really should. What with the push to “decolonize” the sciences, there’s probably a future in teaching astrology as an epistemology of color. I’d need to apply for the professorship in sandface of course, but it should be fairly easy to tar anyone who insisted that I was a Norway Brown as a “cisracist.” I should probably get some publications under my belt; anyone got the contact information for the Sokal Squared people?

To do this chart correctly, I should send the files to the plotter, reserve one of the larger conference rooms and “borrow” one of the straightedges from the AMHS people. However, this year’s performance management reviews haven’t been completed, so I won’t do that. Here’s what you get with a ruler and an eyeball:

The anchor of this whole thing is the alignment of Terra-Luna-Saturn; “Great Ending” (great as in ‘big,’ not as in ‘nifty.’ ) There’s a related-but-not-really influence there from Mercury (news, tidings, impetus) that might officially be pushing on the trio through the Earth, but in actuality is more like a “dotted line” boss who is stationed in a different office. Where Mercury does come into play is that drawing a line through Mercury and Saturn (the signs of beginning and endings, respectively) that line also intersects Venus(retrograde). This yields “Love Turns to Hate” but in really big Gothic lettering maybe with some teenaged notebook art from a Neil Gaiman fangirl decorating it.

Something like this

Now modifying all of that is another linked alignment indicating relationship troubles (Venus(retrograde)-Mars-Luna) just in case the lettering wasn’t enough. Think of it as a sidereal blink tag, if you will. And, and ANNNNDDD there is yet another linked alignment of Venus(retrograde)-Jupiter-Sol that I usually have most success translating as “makeup sex,” but what the manual will tell you means “unexpected pregnancy.”

Got all that? Maybe this would help.

Gray lines are links through Saturn, Red through Venus(retrograde) and blue through the Moon

Now for further clarification on this situation, three of the planets involved in this (including two of the linking ones) are all conjoined in Sagittarius. The Archer is one of the two signs having major associations with the penis (the other being The Bull, natch’) So you can go back through all the stellar relationships and every time you see “Jupiter,” “Mercury,” or “The Moon,” you can substitute in “Penis.” Why is there relationship trouble? Because Venus(retrograde), Mars, and Penis.

Scorpio still holds the Sun, but all the other planets (and most of the readers) are bored with it.

Libra is still holding Venus(retrograde) in check. Libra really doesn’t get enough appreciation.

Sagittarius is where all the fun is at this week: Mercury, Luna and Jupiter means triple good luck to anyone engaging in precision work, riding/driving vehicles and/or searching for boytaur porn.

November 11, 2018
I Love to sleep: the Horoscope for the week of Nov 4

This week starts off really well by giving me an extra hour of sleeping, though in reality the whole idea that the gubbmint can dictate what time it is seems like one of those Canute-levels of arrogance that is unfortunately too common among the priestly caste.

The big news is Venus(retrograde) being her bitchy self, but the rest of the sky working to keep her contained. Specifically:

She’s in alignment, but with the Sun (which is directly opposed to the anti-libido of V(r) and with the moon (which diffuses and deflects her retrograde effects). Even better, in opposition to that alignment is Mercury (signifying oppositional/negatory change) and Mars (which is the counterpart to Venus and so puts the kibosh on the retrograde aspects.) Furthermore, Venus(retrograde) is trying to pull her crap while being in Libra. Libra, being the scales of justice, is having none of this backward-ass motion shit. Venus(retrograde) is a terrible sign, but with everything else going on this week, she can just go pound sand.

I know 11/12ths of you are getting irritated at all the attention that the universe is giving Scorpio, so I’ll get it out of the way first. Congratulations on surviving your dry spell. With Venus(retrograde) moving off into Libra, your home life should begin improving immediately. And I do mean home life — having the moon conjoined with Jupiter indicates that any problem you are having with extramarital partners will lag behind your spouse resolution-wise.

We’ve already talked about Libra having to play host to Venus(retrograde). Ordinarily, this would be bad, but as mentioned above, all the celestial censors are doing their part to shield you. So good news! Your week isn’t going to suck as the primary signs would indicate!

Aquarius still has to deal with Mars for another couple of weeks or so. Expect less belligerence starting about Nov 15.

Saturn in Capricorn is good for achieving your Glibfit goals. Start making room in your waistband for Thanksgiving dinner now.

Mercury in Sagittarius is an auspicious time for hunting. Also, this indicates that I’ll finally be able to get my father’s pistol out of gun-jail. About fucking time.

November 4, 2018