Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Author: mexican sharpshooter

  • ¡Martes por la noche Enlaces Mexicanos!

    Buenos Tardes Glibs! Once again, I take you for a brief foray in to the events of the day as seen by people that choose not to learn English

     

    Today is happiest of days, as female rhinoceros have achieved victory over the patriarchy.

    El último rinoceronte blanco del norte macho ha muerto, dejando solo dos hembras para salvar a la subespecie de la extinción.

    El rinoceronte de 45 años llamado Sudán había tenido problemas de salud en los últimos días y estaba siendo tratado por problemas relacionados con la edad y múltiples infecciones.

    Un equipo veterinario tomó la decisión de practicar la eutanasia en Sudán luego de que su condición se deterioró significativamente, anunció el martes el grupo de conservación WildAid.

    __________

    The last white rhinoceros of the male north has died, leaving only two females to save the subspecies from extinction.

    The 45-year-old rhinoceros named Sudan had had health problems in recent days and was being treated for problems related to age and multiple infections.

    A veterinary team made the decision to practice euthanasia in Sudan after their condition deteriorated significantly, WildAid conservation group announced on Tuesday.”

    ¡SÍ! ¡Mira qué rápido salí de allí!

    People that choose to live in a remote area, cut off by torrential rainfall want more free stuff delivered by helicopter.

    En el video, que fue grabado por el propio cacique, se puede ver cómo un helicóptero del equipo de asistencia humanitaria deja su carga en un punto establecido y rápidamente levanta vuelo, segundos antes de que una decena de pobladores se abalancen sobre los productos indiscriminadamente. “Estamos aislados, necesitamos algo más de harina, arroz, fideos, azúcar, colchones y frazadas”, agregó.

     

    Al ser consultado sobre este episodio el miércoles en Perspectivas desde Buenos Aires, el gobernador de Salta, Juan Manuel Urtubey, dijo que “es indignante y nada justifica eso” y agregó que “siempre debe haber un responsable del área social”. También hizo hincapié en que “es una zona del chaco donde está concentrada la mayor pobreza”

    __________

    In the video, which was recorded by the cacique himself, one can see how a helicopter of the humanitarian assistance team leaves its cargo at a fixed point and quickly takes off, seconds before a dozen inhabitants swoop on the products indiscriminately. “We are isolated, we need more flour, rice, noodles, sugar, mattresses and blankets,” he added.

    When asked about this episode on Wednesday in Perspectives from Buenos Aires, the governor of Salta, Juan Manuel Urtubey, said that “it is outrageous and nothing justifies that” and added that “there should always be a person in charge of the social area.” He also stressed that “it is a zone of the Chaco where the greatest poverty is concentrated”.

    Supreme Court to decide if it is constitutional to detain people that violated the law did nothing wrong, ever will likely vote Team Blue, should be released on bail in the event their sentence for other crimes is served, rather than being held for a pending deportation trial.

    La Corte Suprema de Justicia anunció este lunes que decidirá si la ley federal de inmigración (INA) le otorga al gobierno el poder para detener de manera indefinida a quienes esté considerando deportar si la persona cometió anteriormente ciertos delitos graves.

    La INA señala que, si los extranjeros no ciudadanos cometen un delito que los convierta en inadmisibles y/o deportables, el gobierno debería mantenerlos bajo custodia para su posible expulsión al salir de prisión una vez cumplida la condena.

    La Corte de Apelaciones del 9º Circuito dictó en mayo el año pasado que los no ciudadanos que no hayan sido detenidos de inmediato por la Oficina de Inmigración y Aduanas (ICE), se les debe dar la oportunidad de quedar libres bajo fianza.[…]

    “Por lo general”, explicó, “cuando un no ciudadano cometió un delito grave y cumple su condena, ICE pide mantenerlos detenidos ( detainer) para iniciar un proceso de deportación. Si por algún motivo se cuela esta persona y el gobierno se da cuenta que no pudo transferirlo bajo su custodia, va a su casa y lo arresta para iniciarle un juicio de deportación”.

    __________

    The Supreme Court of Justice announced Monday that it will decide whether the federal immigration law (INA) gives the government the power to indefinitely detain those it is considering deporting if the person previously committed certain serious crimes.

    The INA states that, if non-citizen aliens commit an offense that makes them inadmissible and / or deportable, the government should keep them in custody for possible expulsion upon leaving prison once the sentence has been served.

    The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in May last year that noncitizens who have not been immediately detained by the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) should be given the opportunity to be released on bail.[…]

    “Generally,” he explained, “when a non-citizen committed a serious crime and serves his sentence, ICE asks to keep them detained (detainer) to begin a deportation process. If for some reason this person strained and the government realizes that he could not transfer him into his custody, he goes to his house and arrests him to initiate a deportation trial. “

    The dreamers will never give up hope. No sir, no how. It’s not like the Most Evil Presidentè in the History of Presidentès has recently put forth deals to legalize DACA recipients only to be turned down by Democrats. WILL.NOT.GIVE.UP.HOPE.

    Los dreamers no pierden la esperanza. Aseguran que seguirán luchando hasta conseguir que el Congreso apruebe una ley que les otorgue un camino a la residencia legal permanente y luego a la ciudadanía. Pero hasta ahora todos los esfuerzos han fracasado por falta de voluntad política en el Congreso y la Casa Blanca.

    “Es difícil de creerle al presidente y a los políticos”, dijo este viernes Juan Manuel Guzmán, director de asuntos gubernamentales de United We Dream (UWD), la principal organización de dreamers en Estados Unidos. “Siguen los rumores de que habrá un proyecto, un voto en el pleno de ambas cámaras, pero la verdad es que no se puede creer en nadie”.

    “Es difícil de creer que algo pueda suceder, especialmente con el presidente que tenemos”, subraya el activista. Los dreamers no pierden la esperanza. Aseguran que seguirán luchando hasta conseguir que el Congreso apruebe una ley que les otorgue un camino a la residencia legal permanente y luego a la ciudadanía. Pero hasta ahora todos los esfuerzos han fracasado por falta de voluntad política en el Congreso y la Casa Blanca.

    “Es difícil de creerle al presidente y a los políticos”, dijo este viernes Juan Manuel Guzmán, director de asuntos gubernamentales de United We Dream (UWD), la principal organización de dreamers en Estados Unidos. “Siguen los rumores de que habrá un proyecto, un voto en el pleno de ambas cámaras, pero la verdad es que no se puede creer en nadie”.

    “Es difícil de creer que algo pueda suceder, especialmente con el presidente que tenemos”, subraya el activista.

    __________

    The dreamers do not lose hope. They assure that they will continue fighting until getting Congress to approve a law that grants them a path to permanent legal residence and then to citizenship. But so far all efforts have failed because of lack of political will in Congress and the White House.

    “It’s hard to believe the president and the politicians,” Juan Manuel Guzman, director of government affairs at United We Dream (UWD), the leading dreamers organization in the United States, said Friday. “There are still rumors that there will be a project, a vote in the plenary session of both houses, but the truth is that you can not believe in anyone.”

    “It is difficult to believe that something can happen, especially with the president we have,” the activist emphasizes.

     

    Translation services provided by the Alpha Beta Corporation who ask if you’re going to have an evening, why not make it a good one? If you’re going to have people collecting data on your personal life, why not us?

  • Hooray Beer!

    I am going to try to spice things up a bit and tell you about that one time I went to Jamaica.  Turns out, the cruise ship I was on made a stop there and I got to look around a bit as the bus drove us to Montego Bay.  Okay, maybe I just got the Cliff’s Notes version of Jamaica, but the island seemed like a nice place, at least the tourist areas. Something I found kind of odd was when the group transferred from one Jamaican chaperone to the other, they all seemed to fill in the time by telling the group about their country’s tax code.

    No, seriously.

    This is my review of the beer in the short, stubby, ugly bottle:  Red Stripe!

    I have been dying to use that picture.

    First, I got off the ship and hopped on the bus.  The bus driver explained a few things unique to Jamaica, such as their habit of locals letting loose their goats off the side of the road.  It served two purposes:  to feed their goats and to keep the grass trim, that way the government saves money cutting grass along the side of the highways.  Clever.  He also explained that Jamaica had a general consumption tax and a property tax.  That was it.

     Later the guys on the catamaran said the same thing. There’s a general consumption tax, and a property tax, but they also explained there was a tax on some imported goods, like gasoline.  Then a different bus driver again explained their tax code.

    I thought that was pretty cool, if true.  Maybe there are places besides the US where a libertarian can be somewhat welcome.  After all, they had pretty well maintained roads, even by US standards and there was other infrastructure like overhead powerlines and sewers.  They even speak English! Snorkeling with my 3 year old only created more interest; perhaps something rubbed off on this particular former British colony.  This one has some awesome things to do and the people here seemed to be every bit as fun as you want them to be.

     Nope.  I was wrong.

     Here is a basic breakdown of Jamaica by the things that people around here tend to pay attention to.  As always, everyone here is welcome to call bullshit.

    State Legitimized Theft

    • There is a tax on real property, but it is broken down by value as determined by the Jamaican government.  This table below has a breakdown of property values.

    • There is also a tax levied upon the transfer/sale of real property of 5% or 1% for shares–if the capital gains made on the property exceed 37.5%.  There is also a stamp duty for the same transactions of 1% of shares and 4% for real property–there are exemptions on the stamp duty for shares sold on the Jamaican Stock Exchange.
    • General Consumption Tax.  It’s basically a VAT at 16.5%.  Taxes on some imported goods, such as petroleum products and alcohol apply.
    • There is no income tax!…..if you make under 1,500,000 JMD/year.  Over that, its a flat 25% unless you make more than 6,000,000 JMD/year–then it is 30%.  There are also some considerations for Jamaicans living abroad vs. on the island.
    • You’ll like this one.  There is no tax on capital gains or inheritance.
    • Minimum Business Tax:  60,000JMD/year for all corporate bodies.  This also applies to tradesmen, professionals, and businesses exceeding 6,000,000 JMD/year–this tax can be deducted from an individual’s income tax.  Source

    JMD to USD for your reference

     Weed:

    It is well-known that Ganja is illegal.  Culturally, they don’t care.  In fact, I was propositioned twice to purchase Ganja and I was on the island for about 10 hours.

     Buttsecks:

     Apparently, they have some serious cultural issues with the concept.

     Messicans:

     Immigration laws are quite humorous:

    “Prohibited Immigrants:

    4.-(1) The following Commonwealth citizens (not being persons deemed to belong to the Island as defined by subsection (2) of section 2) are   prohibited immigrants-

    (a) any person who is likely if he entered the Island to become a charge on public funds by reason of infirmity of body or mind or of ill-health or who is not in possession of sufficient means to support himself and such of his dependants as he shall bring with him to the Island;

    (b) any idiot or epileptic or any person who is insane or mentally deficient or any person who is deaf and dumb or deaf and blind, or dumb and blind, unless in any such case he or a person accompanying him or some other person gives security to the satisfaction of the Chief Immigration Officer for his permanent support in the Island or for his removal therefrom whenever required by the Chief Immigration Officer;

    (c) any person certified by a Health Officer to be suffering from a communicable disease which makes his entry into the Island dangerous to the community;

    (d) any person over sixteen years of age who by reason of deficient education is unable to fill up the prescribed form of declaration for immigrants in his own handwriting and is likely to become a charge on public funds;

    (e) any prostitute or any person who may be living on or receiving or may have lived on or received the proceeds of prostitution; cf, the children under the age of sixteen years being dependants of a prohibited immigrant;

    (g) any member of a class of persons deemed by the Minister on economic grounds or on account of standard or habit of life to be undesirable immigrants and so declared by order published in the Gazette; […] “

    So no gays, and no idiots.

    Guns:

    On the surface, they look like they are on par with one of the more restrictive states in the US.  In practice?  Forget it.

    I tried. Jamaica is no libertarian paradise, but the goat curry is tasty.

    So is Red Stripe any good?  Not really.  The owner of the $400,000 catamaran generously informed us the Red Stripe was on him at the boat’s mini bar, just tip the nice lady serving you.  So in effect, its cheap enough that even Jamaicans give it away for free.  It’s not without its charms though and certainly something I’d grab out of nostalgia for that time I went snorkeling with my family in Montego Bay.  Red Stripe Jamaican Lager 2.0/5.

  • Martes por la tarde Enlaces

    Los Angelinos exceeded expectations in marijuana licensing. New projections now exceed $3.5 Million in licensing fees. Unfortunately, this being California they are considering more ordinances regarding businesses selling it:

    Una ordenanza propuesta, remitida por el comité al consejo completo para su consideración, prohibiría la publicidad de marihuana dentro de 800 pies de lugares sensibles como escuelas, limitaría un negocio de cannabis a un letrero en el lugar que tenga un tamaño máximo de 75 pies cuadrados, y prohibir carteles portátiles o señales de sándwich ubicadas en el derecho de paso público.

    __________

    A proposed ordinance, forwarded by the committee to the full council for consideration, would prohibit marijuana advertising within 800 feet of sensitive places such as schools, limit a cannabis business to a sign in the place that has a maximum size of 75 square feet , and prohibit portable posters or sandwich signs located in the public right of way.

    So no dancing sign guy.

    Apparently, Salma Hayek (no relation) is a bit upset about Mattel’s new Frida Kahlo Barbie Doll. Good luck on that guys.

    No puedo creer que hayan hecho una barbie de nuestra Friducha que nunca trató de parecerse a nadie y siempre celebró su originalidad”, escribió Salma Hayek en su cuenta de Instagram.

    __________

    I can not believe they made a barbie from our Friducha who never tried to look like anyone and always celebrated their originality,” Salma Hayek wrote on her Instagram account.

    I like how CNN doesn’t even try to appear impartial on their Spanish page.

    El domingo por la noche, Trump reveló su propuesta sobre armas de fuego tras el tiroteo en Parkland, Florida, que dejo 17 muertos. ¿Adivinas lo que quedó fuera de estar propuesta? Sí, nada sobre elevar la edad mínima para comprar algunos tipos de armas.

    __________

    On Sunday night, Trump revealed his proposal about firearms after the shooting in Parkland, Florida, which left 17 dead. Guess what was left out of being proposed? Yes, nothing about raising the minimum age to buy some types of weapons.

    Todavía no soy yo

    Five people died in a helicopter crash in New York’s east River. Only the pilot managed to survive.

    Translation service provided by Alpha Beta Corporation who remind you that its totally different when they do it.

  • Wanna Get Your Kicks?

    So this week, I will try and mix it up a bit.  Since for some of us it feels like spring already, I will try to draw some attention to the second coming of Glibertarians Beer it Forward.  After discussing it with its owner, the gentleman known around here as Nephilium, I decided to turn this into a bit of a contest.  The details of which I will explain later.

    This is my review of Grand Canyon Brewery Shaggy Bock.

    Williams, AZ is not particularly well known.  Most people drive around it, but for a long time they had to drive through it.  Like many towns in the area there is a cheap draw for tourism but this one isn’t as flimsy or as popular as a town a couple hours to the east.

    Roll Tide

    Route 66 is actually a collection of highways that was renamed as a single highway in 1926. It began in Chicago to the east and ended in Los Angeles to the west and routed through 8 states in total.  It is romanticized in American culture by John Steinbeck in The Grapes of Wrath as the mother road, a show in the 60’s, and a song first sung by Nat King Cole.  Today it is mostly merged with other active highways, notably Interstates-55, 44, 40, 15, 10.  There are a number of towns that lay claim to the highway, such as Winslow, and others like Flagstaff maintain it as part of their municipal roadways.  It is for this reason I can technically scratch off riding a motorcycle down Route 66 off my bucket list, because it runs through Flagstaff.  Another fun fact, there is a restaurant in Flagstaff called the Dog Haus, that claims the entire scene on the corner in Winslow occurred there when it was a Wienerschnitzel.  “Flagstaff” just didn’t roll off the tongue like “Winslow.”  That is their claim, not mine.  If you choose to investigate this yourself, I suggest ordering the chilli dog, they’re pretty damn good.

    Where does Williams fall into this?  On June 27, 1985 Williams, AZ was the last locality to officially decommission Route 66 as a highway.  Being first gets you in the history books, but sometimes there is some honor in being last.   Williams is also the starting point of the longest portion of the highway that is still drivable.  Williams didn’t die like other towns because of another attraction:  The Grand Canyon Railroad.

    Here you can avoid driving north to the Canyon and avoid what really is a boring drive once you get past the San Francisco Peaks.  It routes north through the mountains and gives you a more scenic ride to the park.  They also convert the train to a Polar Express theme around Christmas and steam up towards a “North Pole,”. They’ll even give your kids a bell as a souvenir.

    This isn’t a straightforward bock.  It is light like all lagers and has a smooth malty character.  The twist is this one contains the byproduct of one of our favorite inventions: the woodchipper.  They call it a “flavor bomb” but it’s a bunch of wood chips secured in a bag.  This gives the beer a similar effect to barrel aging without the added expense of storing it in a barrel.  It is quite enjoyable variety in a style that sometimes gets overlooked; Shiner Bock aside.  Grand Canyon Brewery Shaggy Bock: 4.0/5.

    Here’s where the contest comes in.  This is a limited release from a local brand that doesn’t have much of a footprint outside AZ. Which makes it perfect for the Glibertarian Beer it Forward coming up this spring.  I have purchased a second bottle and stored it appropriately next to the boiler.  Hopefully, I don’t need to turn it on in the next few weeks.  In an attempt to generate interest for this next BIF, I will be sending this to the Glib member whose name I will be randomly assigned.  So if you think you want this, sign up!  This has the added benefit of at least one of you knowing that I’m not crazy.  Well, at least within a respectable spectrum of crazy.

  • Mother Earth Brewing Co. Cali Creamin’ Ale

    For the most part our tastes in beer have been established.  Some like balanced to malty beer while a smaller number are somewhat vocal about their taste for hoppy beers.

    Others still, throw you entirely for a loop.

    A what?  Cream Ale?  That sounds like one of those oddly named east coast numbers–like the egg-cream soda, which contains neither eggs nor cream.

    This is my review of Mother Earth Brew Co , Cali Creamin Ale.

    An odd thing growing up in Arizona during the 90s was that was the time people from the east coast began to migrate there.  Prior to that it was mostly Cubs and Packers fans, who are large enough in number they actually make a noticeable increase in ticket sales to the local sports venues.   Here is Chase Field for example.  While the Red Sox and Yankees have drawn the largest average crowd size, their numbers are skewed by the limited appearances as they are both AL teams.  In the Yankees case, four of those games were from the 2001 World Series.

    I’ll give you this one Jersey. This stuff is good.

    At least that is the perception.  The reality, unsurprisingly, is California dominates the in-migrant flow to Arizona.  On page 22 of this report from Arizona State there is a brief discussion on migratory patterns from 2001-2014.    Although smaller in number the east coast migrants still make their presence known.  Yes, particularly in the winter.  Much of this was in the form of local restaurants becoming hang outs for fans of different teams, but also small markets for food that wasn’t previously available out west.  For instance, the aforementioned egg cream soda is made with UBet Chocolate syrup.  It’s been available here since I was a kid.  You could use something else, but its not the same and dare I say improper.  Another example is Scrapple, which I’m not going to eat but Taylor Ham I will.  I will also contend it’s basically an artisanal form of Spam no matter how much it irritates my stepdad.  Many of these things he simply explained as, “an East Coast thing,” as he is a refugee from New Jersey. Which is why he insisted I take the SAT even though I was going to major in a science which meant the ACT would be advantageous for me to take but that was a “west coast thing.”  This brings us to another “East Coast thing:”  the cream ale.

    So what is it anyway?

    It is no secret that German immigrants moved to America during the 1870s.  A few of these immigrants started brewing lagers.  Many argue these are now better suited for scare quotes, so these are now “lagers.”  Because of this migrant pattern, Americas taste for beer changed.  English style ales fell out of favor for crisp, light, German-immigrant made lager.

    “Ale brewers responded to this demand by creating a top-fermented product similar to an American lager. Using ale yeast (or possibly even a combination of lager and ale yeasts, though no concrete evidence exists for the use of lager yeast in the early cream ales), they could produce beer more quickly than the lager brewers could, thereby potentially increasing sales and market share.* It may also have meant that they could use the same worts for both lagers and ales and benefit from economies of scale. These new beers were termed “brilliant,” “sparkling,” or “present use” ales, with the nickname “cream ale” sticking as the common name.”

    In other words, a cream ale is the best of both worlds.  It has the light, crispness of a lager but also has the complexity of an ale.  They do this in part by brewing the ale at a colder temperature like a lager.  Few breweries that made these survived prohibition however, or were acquired by others.  A good example that is well known is Genesee.  Which for the record I have been able to locate in Arizona, but only once.

    So how is this one?  Disturbingly good.  It is every bit as refreshing as advertised,  it is light, not hoppy at all.  This one has a pleasant vanilla aroma they added in, making it something that is practically begging to be chugged.   I’ll be buying it again, even though the only downer was the price, which the bomber costing about $8.  Mother Earth Brew Co , California Creamin’ Ale: 4.5/5.

  • You’re not worthy. None of us are.

    It might surprise you to know that I have travelled to 32 states.  By travel I don’t mean pass through.  By that definition, I’ve been to over 40.  In that time, since I’ve been an adult at least, there has been one thing that comes up up from time to time, is some states are shall we say, lacking.

    This is my review, of Stone Arrogant Bastard Ale.

    Where were they lacking?  At 7.2% abv this is over twice what some states will allow for sale in grocery stores.

    Thankfully, Arizona does not participate in such asshattery.  As it turns out Arizona has lax laws regarding alcohol with the exception of hours when you can purchase:  6AM-2AM the next day, 10AM-2AM on Sunday, but nobody seems to enforce Sunday. They also defer to Federal laws as far as what you can purchase. So anything approved by BATFE is legal for sale at a grocery store.  Drive through liquor stores are also legal.  Some restrictions were in place in terms of the volume a local brewer could produce and distribute but was lifted a little over a year ago.  Overall, not bad for a state overrun by socons who kept John McCain in office for over 30 years.  See how your state compares, here.

    Other states?  Some of them are pretty weird.

    The fourth Friday of every October is dedicated to teaching kids about the dangers of overindulgence in the Palmetto State.  They do this in honor of Frances Willard. She was a temperance reformer who helped pass the Eighteenth amendment to the Constitution.  I’ll give her some credit though, as she at least recognized an amendment was necessary for her to impose her stupid ideas over everyone.  I will concede, some of her stupid ideas included allowing women to vote.  Thankfully, the Air Force moved me when they did, because among other reasons, had I stayed there I’d have no money on account of putting three kids through Catholic School.

    Not to be outdone for stupidity.  Colorado where you can’t make it over a mountain pass without tripping over another brewery does not allow the sale of beer in grocery stores.  Well, it does but it must be 3.2% or less, which explains Coors light.  It has spawned a common practice of having a liquor store on nearly every corner.  Which  is convenient when you run into your squadron’s Chief Master Sergeant and he says something to the tune of, “yeah, I got a….retirement to attend.  Need to bring a gift.”  I can reply with, “you don’t need to explain anything to me, Chief” and find a new booze merchant.

    Yes, I will mention Utah.  Do you ever plan to go to Utah? No?  There, I mentioned Utah.

    Finally, the dumbest alcohol law comes from where else?  Florida.  Where  after a week of Silver Flag the blonde bartender asked, “So, you boys from Silver Flag?”

    “Oh yeah.”  Where she immediately went from bubbly girl from the panhandle to scaring the hell out of five guys that spent the last week running around with guns, training in MOPP4 and building a BEAR base in the woods in the middle of June.

    “You’re not EOD are you!?”

    See! Look how much fun they are having.

    I replied, “Can I get the shrimp po-boy?”  I woke up a few hours later on the bus back to Hurlburt. In Florida, establishments selling alcohol can be fined $1000 for allowing or participating–in a dwarf throwing contest.  Well done, Florida.

    This beer has the distinction of quite literally, telling it’s customers not to buy it.  Reading the back of the label brings to mind Larry Correia’s infamous rant about the German arms company, Heckler and Koch.  Click at your peril, it is a tad dated and Larry is a professional rant artist, so this will take a while to read.

    They are right though, its not for everyone.  It has a high malt complexity and is balanced out by an obscene amount of hops.  It is as about as balanced and flavorful as it gets without going into the barleywine category.  Once you get past the stage where this is truly intense and it begins to be just another beer, Stone has you covered with the Double Bastard.

    Arrogant Bastard Ale: 3.9/5

  • Viernes por la tarde Enlaces Mexicanos!

    Saludos compañeros Glibs! Dos cosas ocurrieron a los administradores en este fino sitio web.

    – Nadie lee los enlaces.
    – mexican sharpshooter no se ha encargado de proporcionar los enlaces de la tarde …

    Así que hoy, obtienes lo que llamaré, “Enlaces mexicanos”. No es como si fuera a leerlos de todos modos, y en este caso si no estás a punto de dar un paso más en la traducción para descubrir si te estoy insultando en español. Cuál soy yo Todas tus madres usan botas negras del ejército y deberían avergonzarse de sus terribles tacos.


    Aparentemente, El Trumpeñero es amigo de un prominente político mexicano, a quien una vez se refirió como “el peor candidato” en Twitter. Él probablemente tenga razón. Utah podría hacer algo peor que reemplazar a Orrin Hatch con un Orrin Hatch más blando, después de que todas las personas del sur sigan eligiendo a John McCain.

    No fuí


    13 personas murieron en el sitio de recuperación del terremoto en Oaxaca debido a un error del piloto. Investegaciones preliminares han determinado que el piloto no era el Capitán HM “Howling Mad” Murdock. 

    El Trumpeñero en represalia por el estado de California que decide no seguir las leyes federales de inmigración, simplemente eliminará los recursos federales de inmigración de California. El Trumpeñero se retiró, sin embargo, aún no se sabe si California está embarazada.

    ¡Que tengas un buen fin de semana Glibs!

     

    Translation services provided by the Alpha Beta Corporation for private sector Orwellianism.

  • The Fat Tuesday Special

    Explain this shit, Reali.

    A couple days ago, you may have noticed certain people had a black cross tattooed across their foreheads. You may have chuckled a bit at such foolishness, but not at me.  Because I didn’t go to the mass? No. I happened to grow up in a part of Phoenix where a large number of kids at school were going to ask me what’s with the cross on the forehead? Between the popped collar crowd and, well–(((them))), it was a conversation that got old fast.

    While I went to mass, I decided I didn’t need the whole world to know I did. I had the good sense to wash it off when I got to work. If I’m going to burn in Hell, let’s be real, it’s not going to be for that.

    This is my review of The Bosteels Brasserie Tripel Farmelier.

    Here, I will explain what I preferred not to explain before. Ash Wednesday is the start of Lent. Lent is not supposed to be be some form of medieval self punishment. Unless you want it to be, in which case I leave you here with this guy.

    For everyone else, it’s simply a time for prayer and fasting. The word itself is derived from the Middle English word Lenten, which means springtime. The days after all, are lengthening this time of year–get it? Its origin as a time for spiritual renewal was brought about by the tradition of baptizing Catechumens on the Saturday before Easter. Now you know why I never go to Easter Saturday mass, because its three hours long and. It. Takes. Forever…..to watch these people get dunked.

    The fasting part was something that developed during the 4th century AD (…or CE) and was typically observed by monks. It might seem like a convenient time to go without eating anything given the abbey was probably running out of food by the end of the winter, but the time of year the fast begins has been as early as January. This time in history is also when it became linked with the traditional 40 days. No one is really certain how Ash Wednesday became recognized as the start of Lent, but for our purposes it is when it is observed. The fast part is now observed by Catholics “giving up” something. There are some theological origins to this, such as the story found in Luke 4:1 to 4:13, but the fast is now more or less observed by going without something. Whether that be something trivial like chocolate, or something more of a challenge like bread, eggs, or milk, its up to the individual. After all, even the monks did not starve themselves.  They stayed alive by drinking beer.

    By the way, in the interest of full disclosure, this is all relevant because I give up beer for lent. Every year. That and meat, because you’re not supposed to eat meat on Friday and quite frankly I screw that up at breakfast so I just make everyday Friday.

    The beer we now associate with these monks originates around the 11th century AD (…fine, CE) with the Order of Cistercian Monks.

    The Order of Cistercians was founded in 1098 when monks from the Benedictine abbey of Molesme left to form their own monastery in nearby Citeaux, France (Cistercium in Latin), feeling that things were too lax in Molesme. They wished to return to a more strict adherence of the teachings of St. Benedict.

    That sounds familiar. Apparently, the Benedictines of Molesme at the time were the Nick Gillespie of Benedictine Monks.

    Word got around of these monks who valued the fruits of hard labor and austerity. The nobility at the time began to offer the Cistercians undeveloped tracts of land, knowing they were capable of turning the wild into hubs of social and economic activity. 200 years later, at the peak of their influence, there were over 300 Cistercian sects across Europe. Benedict XII was a Cistercian. It is during this time, the Trappist Ale became associated with Catholic monks.

    It is also during this time the naming convention for Belgian Ales were coined. The Cistercians did not discover it, but by then it was well known that by “washing” the wort a number of times they were able to create multiple ales of varying strength from a single batch of wort.

    This was first discovered (documented) by the Jesuit brewers who offered a 5% to travelers and used the 2.5% second run beer for themselves. The next big step came when they realized that people would pay a lot more for a stronger beer, more than the cost of the extra grain. This allowed even bigger beers with more runnings. The first runoff would be the richest and brew the best beer. The second would be next best, and the final running would be the weakest. Again, the first would go to the guests and be sold to help maintain the abbey. The second would be for the monk’s use. The last runnings would be for the poor. This is also the likely origin for terms “single,” “double,” “triple,” and “quadruple.”

    This allowed the monks to engage in the abbey’s other function: hospitality. Because grapes are not easily grown in Belgium and a law in the early 20th century that outlawed liquor, strong beer became commonplace. The monasteries were no longer the only ones producing Trappist ales. So if it matters to you, if the bottle bears this mark, it was made in a monastery:

    Which is good to know, because after a thousand years the patent runs out. This one, made in Canada however, was just as good.

    The Trappist Ale is a wheat based variety, but has more of a sour, citrus like taste. There is substantial body to this type of beer, which in a way is quite satisfying, if this is the only sustenance you had that day. Neither of these bear the mark, which is why I mentioned Chimay a short time ago–which does.

    I had the Rouge, which was the last for me until Good Friday. Until then, everything I write has been in a sense, pregamed. Enjoy. The Bosteels Brasserie Tripel Farmelier 4.0/5.

  • It works every time.

    Every once in a while, I draw inspiration from the audience.  None of you have steered me wrong.

    This is my review of Earthquake High Gravity Lager…

    Okay.  One of you did.  I’m not about to start pointing fingers, because its more fun for me to wait until the end.

    A primer on Malt Liquor:  Brooklyn, the 1970’s

    This is a dream, man.  A man’s dream.  A man named Don Vultaggio  At the time he had nothing but a VW, an underserved market, and a dream.

    “Vultaggio began delivering malt liquor. This was a dangerous job — so dangerous, in fact, that the breweries’ own truck drivers refused to do it, which is the opening Vultaggio wanted to exploit. He braved stickups and shoot-outs. He hauled cheaper product from upstate wholesalers back into the city, because gas was 30 cents a gallon, and the hassle paid well.”

    Relax, this gets better.

    “One little fly-by-night distribution operation became a $2 billion beverage empire that now makes everything from malt liquor and flavored malt beverages, to beer, to — wait for it — AriZona Iced Tea.”

    True story.  Arizona Ice Tea is not a product of Arizona.  Actual people from Arizona, that is, the 10-20% of the population that are actually from here, are fully aware it is made in New York.  Like that terrible salsa from San Antonio, and their sales pitch– New York City!

    You probably know where this is going.

    “Ultimately, marketers failed to convince the white bourgeois that malt liquor was the new drink of the white bourgeois. But they did convince someone, albeit unintentionally. The word bubbled up the supply chain, from corner store, to distributor, to brewer, and finally to marketing departments: malt liquor is selling well in black neighborhoods. No one knew exactly why. It wasn’t cheaper than regular beer (that would come in the late ’80s, when Schlitz, then the market leader, undercut the competition and triggered the whole category’s slide from premium to bottom shelf). And the messaging was still white as all hell — in fact, a marketing study from the era suggests that malt liquor’s upper-class packaging may have been a contributing factor to its appeal to black customers, though this is no easy thing to corroborate.”

    Alas, I could continue to give you excerpts of this article.  I am not going to do that.  Am I that lazy? Yes.  This article though should be of interest to anyone that values capitslism.  After all, it never matters who you sell it to.  It matters that you sold it.

    “malt liquor’s fortunes have been entangled with America’s sorest social bugbears, from race, to class, to poverty, to whether or not capitalism ought to give a shit about any of those things.”

    In spite of the halfhearted attempt to SJW, this article is actually pretty good.  Read the whole thing.

    So how is Eathquake?  It pretty bad.  I’m not about to indulge myself in its flat body.  Its bitter sweet taste and its nose that reminds me of the bathroom in the gas station.  There is no redeeming quality about it.  It’s made with enzymes that break down the malt to allow the industrial grade yeast to process the sugar as a monosaccharide.  This is depression, and squalor in a can.  If it were possible to take being a New York Jets fan, distill it, bottle it, distribute it, market it and ultimately sell it–I imagine it would taste like this.  Ultimately, everyone will need a drink from time to time, and at least this one it honest enough that all we will know is that it will do its job–and nothing else.  Earthquake Malt Liquor 1.5/5.

    This is your fault. I blame you.

     

    Hat Tip: This sick, twisted man.

  • Wessen Bein Muss Ich Bücken?

    Even though I don’t particularly care for this style, perhaps there should be more to this series than what I like.  So recently, I came across this:

    Hold up, I have a pair of Under Armour leggings I used to wear when I ran outside in Colorado, let me see if they still fit.

    *squeezes into tight pants*

    No. You GTFO.

    Then this happened.

    That’s not a knife, this is a knife!

    Then things predictably got out of hand.

    *orders knife* 

    This is my review of Wessterhuffenphasterphallenhoffeersheissen’s Hefeweissbier.

    HT:  DEG, MikeS, Q Continuum  and Hayeksplovises

    M’am

    Hefeweiss is the predominant German style wheat beer.  There are other varieties of course, depending on the region, but for most of us this is the one that comes to mind when the term, “German wheat beer” comes up in conversation.  People like this, apparently.  I am not one of those people.  Why?

    It tastes like banana.  I don’t like bananas.  The semi-sugary taste, the texture, the fact that none of my kids can open the damn things and will go through a bunch of them in a day.  This sentiment was developed well before the CHM 235 Organic Chemistry course taught by what I later found out to be a really awesome professor.  Think (((special forces))) awesome, but wouldn’t give anyone a definitive answer. For the lab part of this course, my lab partner and I were given several bananas.  The project was to extract and isolate an organic compound called an ester from the fruit.

    Most of it involved smashing up bananas into a paste, then putting the paste into a press.  Then squeezing the liquid out of the paste.  Then vaporizing the liquid multiple times through a distillation column, to extract a weapons grade distillate of Isoamyl Acetate–or Banana Oil in English.  It went fine until my lab partner managed to spill the vial on me.  The grad student in charge of the lab saw the whole thing so I didn’t lose any points for failing a simple distillation.  Not that there was no other way I could prove it was spilled on me.   The bad part was when I went to work immediately after the lab.  At the time I worked the sporting goods counter at the local Wal-Mart.  The clientele was the predictable group of rednecks.

    • “Hey kid, why do you smell like a monkey?”
    • “Mother of Christ.”
    • “Can you write that that mountain lion tag for yesterday?”
    • “I’m not gay or anything, but you smell really nice.”
    • “We fielded a few complaints.  Were going to go ahead and pay your remaining hours for the day. Go home.”

    Predictably, this tastes like every Top.Men-compliant hefeweizen out of Germany:  banana with a twist of lemon.  If you’re into that, have at it. Wessterhuffenphasterphallenhoffeersheissen’s Hefeweissbier 2.0/5

    Not to be outdone, others have tried to take this style to new and interesting places. Only one on this list was available in my area:

    If you are looking for a traditional Top.Men approved ale, keep looking.  It has significantly less body and you’ll probably say they over hopped it and should apologize to the German people for such an atrocity.  For me, it doesn’t taste so much like banana, so it’s not so bad.  Lagunitas Little Sumpin Ale. 2.2/5