Trigger Warnings: rampant misogyny and unnecessary cursing. I don’t claim to be a professional journalist, nor do I care to write in an erudite fashion. That’s Heroic Mulatto’s job. But, unlike HM, I do bring the alt-text.
I’m not normally a McDonald’s guy.
I don’t have any problem with them, from a philosophical standpoint. They make something they claim to be food, and bizarrely, many millions of people enjoy these products and shower them with money. It just typically isn’t something that I enjoy eating.
Last week a buddy of mine told me to swing by and try their new Buttermilk Chicken Tenders. So, on my way home from work today, I stopped in to give this new item a fair hearing.
Let me tell you, those things are delicious. I will seriously go there at some point in the future specifically to get those again.
But enough about the food. As I was standing to the side of the counter waiting inexplicably for seven minutes (I thought the whole point was, “Yeah it sucks, but it’s fast“?), I noticed the young lady who took my order was a very attractive young Hispanic woman. Pretty face, perky tits, hips, the whole nine yards.
I looked back into the kitchen, and saw at least two other relatively hot Hispanic chicks. So I started thinking to myself, man, if I hadn’t already been dating my eventual wife when I graduated college, this would be a totally sweet fishing pond for random ass. I mean, how picky can they possibly be? They work at fucking McDonald’s.
So my 25 year old self would roll up, strike up a conversation, and be like, “Hey – I’ve got a regular job in a cubicle, involving Excel formulas and v-lookup. I make enough so that I don’t get a 100% refund on my taxes. I have a late-model car that isn’t upside-down financially, and my own apartment. I can take you out to dinner – at a sit-down place with a leather-bound menu. And I eat pussy like it’s goin’ out of style.”
In my mind’s eye, at that point, any chick with little enough command of English and even less economic prospects would pretty much just drop her drawers. “Oh I suck yo dick!”, she says in a Vietnamese accent for some reason even though she’s clearly Mexican or Central American (damn you Full Metal Jacket for permanently fucking up my internal monologue when it comes to casual sex!).
It’s kind of like my version of slumming. It would have been fun, and I would have had access to free McDonald’s, which I recall not being as gastronomically opposed to 10 years ago.
That’s pretty much it. Oh, and I saw this flier on the way out. It was some kind of community outreach bullshit. What really drew my eye was one of the items listed among the other boiler-plate stuff like fundraisers and sponsorships. “Store Tours”. Um…what? How in the ever-loving fuck is giving a tour of your fucking shit-shack of a goddamn fucking store, and I fucking quote, “Giving Back To Our Communities”???
Comments
62 responses to “Fast Food Nation”
Alt-text is overrated pablum.
You have to give the people what they want, HM. Unless you prefer being…HITLER.
O tempora! O mores!
aaaaand her eyes roll back in her skull and drops dead from boredom.
The store tours are field trips.
I wanted to arrange one for my son’s 4th grade class, but one of the bitch moms complained and they went to an organic produce store instead.
I remember the tour from when I was in elementary school. It was awesome.
Speaking as the descendant of a long, long line of farmers, I can say that the entire “organic” craze is pure, unadulterated horseshit.
Sometimes it’s bullshit.
Usually?
Also chickenshit.
Ha. I spent 700 dollars on chicken to spread in my pastures two weeks ago.
I’ve held off to see what all the cattle and donkey manure out there will do, but we’ll see. Didn’t do much last season.
I did drop $600 for 18 tons of lime.
That’s a lot of dead bodies.
Well between the repeal of Net Neutrality, Passage of Tax Reform, and now the memo release…
*applauds Gustave*
Yes, horseshit is organic.
depends on what the horse eats
Speaking as a descendent of a long line of businessmen, I can say that it’s fucking brilliant (even when it’s horseshit).
Meh for me organic vegetables can tasye better if allowed to vine ripe properly and eaten quick after picking amd organic stuff lasts less. Probably mot because the organic part but if i buy i get better chance not to have something picked 2 weeks ago an ripened in crates. In Romania at least supermarket vegetables are unedible. Of course i have no guarante what i buy is organic but in general is picked more recently
When I was in 3rd grade, we went on a field trip to a bread factory. We all got a loaf of raisin bread. It was awesome.
In 4th grade we went to the local Pepsi bottling plant. Also awesome.
We used to go to the Louisville Slugger plant. Mini-bats for everyone!
I loved that tour.
Sadly, photography was not permitted. But at least they were polite about asking us not to take pictures.
In the Richmond VA of the mid-80s, it was considered perfectly acceptable to take schoolchildren on the tour at the Phillip Morris factory. Did that one in 1986 in 4th grade. We did not get take-home samples, though.
If you thought that was “awesome”, I think you and I were very different kids.
I’d think of it more as a scared-straight program.
“See kids, you’re lazy and don’t want to do the work to get good grades, but if you don’t…”
I don’t know any fuckups who worked at McDonalds. It’s a stepping stone to better things, and you learn a lot from the experience.
Half the fuck-ups I knew in high school worked fast-food.
The other half didn’t work at all.
It was never a stepping-stone for any of them. You see them on the streets today, fighting for $15.
I thought Bumfights on Youtube was so 2006.
Oooh, fighting … not fighting…
Some Hayaks look better than other Hayeks, just say’n
Evangelion gungrave ergo proxy elfen lied serial experiments lane helsing berserk
That is going to be an odd crossover.
Would be hot though.
Those are not slice of life. Well, maybe. It’s slicing heads off, and that’s slicing life, right?
Kids on the Slope
Hanasaku Iroha
Shirobako
Haibane Renmei (maybe)
Servant × Service
The family friendly certifying authority would be appalled
More things I’m learning at this seminar: It’s not only the California and New York teachers unions now. Blackrock Financial (which has something like $6 trillion in assets under its control at last check) is pressuring boards of directors with regard to striving for “social justice” over profit when it can be done.
Soon to be $3T?
…
Then $1T
Well, they lost a couple of their senior distressed debt guys over the last few months. And by ‘lost’, actually mean ‘escaped’.
I have 15k in a Blackrock managed fund. Several years ago, there was a big anti gun protest outside their HQ. The protestor were mad that Blackrock held stock in gun companies. When I heard about this, I sent an E mail to Blackrock stating that if the divested in guns, I would be taking my money out. They replied with an affirmative that they would divest due to political pressure. I checked back on them several times and they seem to have been true to their word.
I can’t figure out why fast food has gotten so expensive (comparatively). A combo meal at McDonald’s is around $8 once large sized.. These are minimum wage workers reheating prepared food with smallish portions and low quality ingredients.
There’s a Mexican restaurant near me, the best I’ve ever been too, that manages to serve lunch chicken fajitas for under $7. Chicken breast, peppers, onions cooked on the spot along with rice, refried beans, guacamole, pico de gallo, and sour cream. It’s a ton of food and tastes awesome. A taco there is about the same price as one at Taco Bell but is about 50% larger and tastes much better.
I would expect McDonald’s or Taco Bell to be able to serve food at a much cheaper price point, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.
I can’t figure out why fast food has gotten so expensive (comparatively).
I can.
We’re not even experiencing food cost inflation very much (yet), but the primary cost in running those places is rent, payroll and compliance. And costs for those are increasing whether you’re McDonalds, or Smith & Wollensky’s.
I don’t know. It seems like the cost of fast food is now comparable to getting much better take-out from a casual restaurant chain. Those places haven’t really raised prices on their basic fare.
Pretty much this. A combo from a fast food joint is gonna run around 9 bucks. I can go sit in a diner and get better food for that.
Randall Margraves is exactly the hero this country needs.
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/02/us/larry-nassar-attack-court/index.html
(TW: CNN)
He’s already been released without charge, by the way.
THE MEMO is out.
Get ready for piping hot takes, people.
Dude, it’s pretty bad. Like really really bad.
Like Sedition and Treason bad
Haven’t had a good hangin’ in a long time.
+2 witnesses
http://thefederalist.com/2018/02/02/house-intel-memo-fisa-abuse-just-released-read/
Memo released. Hot takes- get your hot takes!
Big takeaway that I’ve seen is that the dossier was the underlying basis for some of the FISA warrents
And a Yahoo news article. I’m not kidding.
Which received the story from Steele, which is really crazy. So, both pieces used to justify FISA warrant were from the dossier
So, the catalyst for all of this was – in effect – fake news.
Since Steele was working for ex-journos for hire, this was in some sense a coup attempt by the press.
Well, when you look at motives, Steele’s was money. His clients wanted dirt, but didn’t offer enough money. Steele didn’t offer them exclusivity, so he started hawking the stuff around until a journo with some connections introduced him to the politicos.
Steele’s public resume convinced them he was ‘one of them’, and they paid up. “He may be a limey, but he has the goods and he comes from an INT background”.
It’s pretty clear that the evidence sold to them was National Enquirer fodder, but nobody cared.
Oops, early on, of course, it was offered to the “political” side, Fusion GPS.
But but piss hookers! PISS HOOKERS!
I worked at a Dion’s Pizza (if you know what that is, we can be friends) in high school in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Hot, Hispanic high school dropouts everywhere. It was like shooting fish in a barrel.
So, Gojira…
That was supposed to be:
So, Gojira…you’re back!