Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

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  • Friday Morning Roadtrip Links

    [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”off” specialty=”off” next_background_color=”#000000″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.3.1″ background_color=”#ffffff” color=”#ffffff” height=”14px” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” specialty=”off” next_background_color=”#000000″ prev_background_color=”#000000″][et_pb_fullwidth_map _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”6″ address_lat=”45.76068431020282″ address_lng=”-100.92388599374999″ address=”Rapid City, SD, USA”][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”43.5439255″ pin_address_lng=”-96.72623599999997″ title=”Day 1″ pin_address=”320 S Phillips Ave, Sioux Falls, SD 57104, USA”]

    We stop for new OMWC undergarments that are younger than SP.

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”44.57759391230822″ pin_address_lng=”-107.4496300769531″ title=”Day 2″ pin_address=”Forest Rd 278, Greybull, WY 82426, USA”]

    STEVE SMITH promised to meet us here.

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”45.756151″ pin_address_lng=”-108.50129249999998″ title=”Day 3″ pin_address=”3165 King Ave E, Billings, MT 59101, USA”]

    For jail release call 777.7777. Remember, for jail release call 777.7777.

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”45.6743776″ pin_address_lng=”-111.02443399999999″ title=”Day 4″ pin_address=”Bozeman, MT 59715, USA,”]

    We’re expecting P Brooks to be late.

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”46.010647″ pin_address_lng=”-112.56456200000002″ title=”Day 5″ pin_address=”155 Museum Way, Butte, MT 59701, USA”]

    OMWC wants to revisit a jobsite from when he was a mere Middle Aged MWC in 1890.

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”47.502775″ pin_address_lng=”-111.30035199999998″ title=”Days 6 – 7″ pin_address=”408 2nd Ave S, Great Falls, MT 59405, USA”]

    Things were a little more expensive on this trip than we planned.

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”46.86441199999999″ pin_address_lng=”-96.90831600000001″ title=”Day 8″ pin_address=”Elmwood Park, 500 13th Ave W, West Fargo, ND 58078, USA”]

    Meeting MikeS! We hope he signs autographs!

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”44.989586″ pin_address_lng=”-93.2786408″ title=”Day 9″ pin_address=”800 N Washington Ave, Minneapolis, MN 55401, USA”]

    Top 5 Dining Experience. Ever.

    [/et_pb_map_pin][et_pb_map_pin _builder_version=”3.3.1″ zoom_level=”18″ pin_address_lat=”43.0248873″ pin_address_lng=”-87.91302400000001″ title=”Day 10″ pin_address=”613 S 2nd St #609, Milwaukee, WI 53204, USA”]

    Home!

    [/et_pb_map_pin][/et_pb_fullwidth_map][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ prev_background_color=”#000000″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Map Intro Text” _builder_version=”3.3.1″]

    OMWC and I are hitting the road.

    I thought it would be fun for Glibs to follow along on our adventure. Click the pins on the map and zoom in to see where we are and what we’re up to.

    And, for anyone thinking about breaking into our place while we’re gone, we’ve left the alarm system armed…and, coincidentally, my house-sitting scary big brother is, too.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.3.1″ divider_weight=”2″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”1_4″][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Roadtrip States Links” _builder_version=”3.3.1″]

    So, what can we expect as we make our way across the land?

    South Dakota politicians gonna politic.

    There is no end to the stupidity of tourists in Wyoming.

    The wheels of justice grind slowly in Montana.

    North Dakota police are over-zealous.

    In Minnesota it seems as if some teachers are penalized more heavily than most cops.

    I swear we aren’t due to be in Wisconsin for more than a week yet!

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.3.1″ divider_weight=”2″ height=”14px” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Closing text” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ text_orientation=”center”]

    Have a great weekend. Try not to burn the place down before I get back!

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=”Lyrics link” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ text_orientation=”center”]

    Lyrics

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_video admin_label=”Hank Snow Video” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ src=”https://youtu.be/KQvthkWzflc” /][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_video admin_label=”Lucky Starr Video” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ src=”https://youtu.be/mvBpLbNik_U” /][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_video admin_label=”Lynn Anderson Video” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ src=”https://youtu.be/5Hcb95l8h5o” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_video admin_label=”Rajiv Rajaram Video” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ src=”https://youtu.be/6X0aDLDkOik” /][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_video admin_label=”Rolf Harris Video” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ src=”https://youtu.be/ErZT_jLjiuI” /][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_video admin_label=”Patty Davidson video” _builder_version=”3.3.1″ src=”https://youtu.be/EUunRWoxYIA” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

  • STEVE SMITH LINKS FOR AFTERNOON OF TODAY

    STEVE SMITH WORK WITH TOURISM BOARD! HIM READY FOR CLOSE UP, MR. DEMILLE!

     

    STEVE SMITH SEE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE ON VACATION, BUSY AT WORK AND HAVE TROUBLE GIVE LINKS. STEVE SMITH WANT TO HELP! SO HIM FINISH UP WITH HIKER GROUP. BY FINISH UP, MEAN…WELL, YOU KNOW. AND THEN DO COMMERCIAL FOR TOURISM BOARD. “COME SEE WOODS. BE CHANGED FOREVER.” IS TRUTH TOO. STEVE SMITH MAKE SURE VISITOR HAVE TRANSFORMATIONAL EXPERIENCE.

    TRANSFORMATIONAL EXPERIENCE, COMING UP!

     

    • NOTHING STEVE SMITH CAN DO BUT SHAKE HEAD AT CHICAGO MEDICAL EXAMINER. NOT WORK, MISS EASY CASES. STEVE SMITH WORK VERY HARD, TAKE PRIDE IN WORK, SO HIM NO UNDERSTAND BAD DOCTORS.
    HERE CAUSE OF DEATH, STUPID MAN!
    • MORE SPORTS GAMBLE. STEVE SMITH NO GAMBLE, HIM SAVE ALL MOSS AND LEAVES AND BARK, SO CAN RETIRE EARLY! HAVE 401(P) PLAN. P IS FOR PLANT. MIGHT OPEN 403(R) PLAN TOO. R IS FOR… WELL, YOU KNOW.
    • STEVE SMITH LAUGH. HIM LIKE TABLOIDS! “FECES FIEND” VERY FUNNY! WHAT ALSO FUNNY IS STEVE SMITH THINK….WHICH FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PERSON WAS THIS, GET CAUGHT AS POO JOGGER? HA HA HA! STEVE SMITH LAUGH MORE.
    • KILL NO FUNNY – BUT THIS VERY TABLOID STORY. THIS MAKE STEVE SMITH WONDER …. WHERE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN NUMBER 6? HIM FUNNY BRITISH GLIBERTARIAN, AND STEVE SMITH MISS.
    • CRAZY ROCKET MAN AND HAT AND HAIR GET READY TALK. STEVE SMITH GET READY LAUGH. LOOK AT PICTURE…                                                    STEVE SMITH THINK SINGAPORE PEOPLE FUNNY!

  • Masterpiece Cakeshop and the Search for Silver Lining

    This week, the Supreme Court (or SCOTUS, for the cool kids / kids who don’t like to type long words), released their opinion in the case of Masterpiece Cakeshop V Colorado Civil Rights Commission.  Because it’s 2018 and up is down, white is black, and the Black Panther is an Alt-Right parable, SCOTUS rules that the Colorado Civil Right Commission technically lived up to their name and violated someone’s civil rights.  Kids, this is why you call your fundraiser the “Race for the Cure” not the “Walk for Cancer.”

    Everyone expected a bombshell, and most people think this decision was a dud.  Everyone was expecting something along the lines of ‘No, you can’t force someone to bake that cake.’  What we got instead was a ruling that said the Civil Rights Commission clearly hates religious people and therefor their finding is thrown out.

    I’m going to try to convince you that, for us weirdos, this may be a very important dud.  Well, no.  That’s too optimistic.  I’m going to try to convince you it should be a very important dud, but it probably won’t be.

    In broad strokes, Justice Kennedy wrote an opinion a few years ago requiring the government to recognize gay marriage.  He threw in some language that people with religious objections might be wrong, but they aren’t evil.  In standard Kennedy style, it was long on rhetoric and short on formal logic.  Which is OK.  It’s a style.  But it’s one that makes it easy to ignore the parts you don’t like.

    And boy howdy, did our finger-wagging betters ignore that part.  But Kennedy really meant it.  I’ll get back to that in a second.  First, a diversion.

    When thinking about history, context is king.  Why does the First Amendment call out freedom of religion separately and additionally with freedom to assemble?  Same reason we have the Second Amendment.  The Founders knew their history and knew what went down in the British Civil Wars.  What happened?  Well, lots of wars.  Some of it over state suppression of religion.

    And it was very clear to the Founders.  People will die for their religion.  Worse, they’ll kill their neighbors over it.  Better to take it off the table.

    Over the next couple hundred years, this has mostly worked out for us libertarian and libertarian-adjacent folks.  Sure, it’s not logically consistent to call out one kind of moral code and not another.  It probably riles up the kind of libertarians who can spell deontological on the first try.  But in the cause of liberty, I think religion has been a net positive.  Martin Luther was a professor of theology.  Martin Luther King was a reverend.  An open and vibrant market in churches leads to better churches and a more vibrant religiosity of the population compared to state religion.

    And, for the most part, we could rely on the legislative and executive branches of governments to protect generic mainline Protestant freedoms.  Sorry Catholics, no public schools or wine on Sundays for you!

    But the winds of change have been blowing, as anyone who read a newspaper after Obergefell could see.  Legislatures and executives are now more protective of the new mainline morality: left of center secularism.  The court, as we see in Obergefell, is good with this.  In fact, they push farther than the other branches sometimes.  How should we feel about this, as libertarians and libertarian-adjacent folk?

    I think in principle, it’s probably a net win for liberty if it’s handled as a limit on state power.  Let’s face it, “don’t shit on people with fringe theories of morality” is probably an abstract idea that we should be able to get behind.  We’ve got fringy theories sometimes.

    In practice, not so much.  We aren’t seeing left-of-center-secularism leading to restraint on government.  Instead, the whip is now lashing in a different direction.  Surprise, surprise: the left-of-center is now motivated by animus and using state power to score points in the culture war.  This is my shocked face.

    I said Obergefell was kind of rhetorical.  It was.  It was lofty and nice.  It was nice to people with deeply held religious opinions.  “Many who deem same-sex marriage to be wrong reach that conclusion based on decent and honorable religious or philosophical premises, and neither they nor their beliefs are disparaged here.”  Most people skipped right over that and made with the disparaging.  But they shouldn’t have.  See, Kennedy has a very particular and idiosyncratic idea about how the government should relate to the populous.  He thinks it shouldn’t be a tool of animus, used to beat down your political opponents.  Crazy, right?

    But this puts us in a funny spot.  We have two big decisions that should work together.  One says you can’t craft laws that oppress people just because your religion tells you to.  One says you can’t act in a way that oppresses people just because you think they are scum.

    I’m… I’m totally good with that.  If we could use that as the basis for some formal logic, that takes us places.  Polygamy laws were clearly put in place because people had religious differences with the Mormons and because people thought they were scum.  Lots of zoning is pretty clearly an effort to keep ‘those people’ away from us nice folk, for various values of those and nice.  Nixon started the drug war because he hated those long hair hippies always talking about peace and love and brotherhood and voting Democrat.

    Do I think this is going to happen?  Do I think SCOTUS is going to say that any of these rules were motivated by animus and should be thrown out?  Nope.  Kennedy isn’t all about that formal logic, and those in the know think he’s going to retire soon.  And this is a test that is somewhere between mostly impossible and impossible to apply.  All you have to do is mouth the right words if you are a public official.  But there’s worse principals than “you can’t use government to crap on people.”

    So I’m going to sit on my silver cloud here, and say that we are probably in a better place for liberty than we were last week.  Even if not by much.

  • Thursday Morning Not-Links

    Hi guys. Internet here depends on the vagaries of alligator migratory behavior, so I’m sneaking this in without many links.

    Here’s an article the Glibs staff obviously needs.

     

  • Wednesday Afternoon Links – IGNORE ALIEN ORDERS edition

    “If this tepee’s a’rockin’…

    It Looks Like America Is Finally Going To Have A Native American Congresswoman

    Deb Haaland won the Democratic nomination for a New Mexico congressional seat on Tuesday, clearing her path to becoming the nation’s first Native American congresswoman.

    …

    Haaland, a single mom based in Albuquerque, is an enrolled member of the Laguna Pueblo tribe. She chaired New Mexico’s Democratic Party from 2015 to 2017 and was the Native American vote director for Barack Obama’s presidential campaign in 2012. That’s in addition to her nearly two decades of volunteering on Democratic campaigns and her failed bid for lieutenant governor in 2014.

    There are currently two Native American representatives in the House — both are men from Oklahoma.

    To get a sense of how significant Haaland’s presence in Congress would be, consider that more than 10,000 people have served in the House and nearly 1,300 have served in the Senate since the first Congress met in 1789. Not a single one was a Native American woman.

    “Crazy, right?” Haaland said in a February interview with HuffPost. “It’s 2018.”

    Poor Lizzie Warren. She just can’t catch a break. I guess she’ll have to go back to picking at her kale and quinoa salad while binging Scandal and crying. (Sanders/Warren 2020!)

    “My facebones hurt when I do this.”

    More Hard-Hitting Investigative News from Slate:

    This Father’s Day Card Features a Joke About a Huge Pair of Underpants and Wow, It Sure Is Something

    Among the hackneyed jokes about fishing and steaks in the Father’s Day cards at your local drugstore this year, you may happen upon a bit of visual humor that’s disturbingly open to interpretation. On the front of one card from American Greetings, an alarmed-looking boy holds up a pair of men’s briefs so large, they stretch from nose to knees and across his entire wingspan. The punchline within: “I think I’ll just stick with trying to fill your shoes.”

    But the boy isn’t holding a pair of shoes. He’s holding underwear. His message concerns the impossibility, or undesirability, of trying to fill his dad’s underwear. Inquiring minds might wonder—just what would it mean to do that, to fill dad’s underwear?

    The card lends itself to two schools of thought. The more benign reading, under the loosest possible definition of benign, holds that it’s a fat joke. Dad has a big butt and a big belly, so he needs an enormous pair of underwear to cover it all. A few steps closer to the gutter is the second interpretation: that it’s a commentary on Dad’s giant penis.

    Watching Mandy Marcotte’s replacement on Slate grope her way through a story has always been grimly funny–about on par with watching the fat kid at summer camp no one likes slowly drowning in a secluded part of the lake–but Christina Cauterucci’s attempts at a lightweight humor article about a non-subject is more like being forced to help fish that fat kid’s body out before Parent’s Weekend. She seems incapable on some fundamental biochemical level of either understanding or producing humor. She approaches everything with her keen sense for sniffing out things to be outraged about dialed to 11. I’d call her a one-trick pony, but that would be unfair to ponies, tricks, ones, and hyphens.

    B.C. woman says feces from plane fell through car’s sunroof and into her eyes

    KELOWNA, B.C.—An afternoon drive turned into a “devastating” experience for a woman and her son when she says human feces fell from the sky and into her eyes through the open sunroof of their car in Kelowna, B.C.

    Susan Allan, 53, said she and her 21-year-old son Travis Sweet had just returned from having lunch with her mother in nearby Peachland when a smelly substance fell on their faces and covered the vehicle.

    The feces appeared to have fallen from a plane that she saw when they were stopped at a red light with another car that was also hit, Allan said, adding she and the other driver went to a car wash and sprayed themselves off before she called the Kelowna airport.

    She said an administrator told her Transport Canada would be investigating and the department has confirmed it is looking into the possibility of frozen lavatory waste, called “blue ice,” falling from an aircraft.

    “I just want everybody to know that although this seems like a surreal type of story, this happened to me and my son,” Allan said in a Facebook message to The Canadian Press.

    “All we want people to know is that it was quite devastating to be covered in poop and I hope it never happens to anybody else.”

    What is more punk than throwing battery acid in the face of your little sister after she’s been raped?

    Check out the Taliban’s new punk rock uniforms

    The Pakistani Taliban has debuted a new uniform that combines decades of punk rock, splashes of Gwen Stefani — and a dash of dominatrix.

    Flawlessly blending a combination of camo pants, black shirts, fingerless leather gloves and a total disregard for parental authority, the Tehrik-e Taliban Pakistan (TTP) strutted their stuff in a new training video featuring rocket-propelled grenades, white board instruction and standing around in mid-”La Macarena” poses.

    There’s no official word yet on the meaning behind “No Tension,” but if it’s a band name as we assume, it sounds rad.

    By tucking camo pants into knee-high white socks, TTP fighters now have greater aerodynamic maneuverability when firing RPGs, as well as the added flexibility required to break into an impromptu mosh-kick whenever No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” blares from the speakers of a gun-mounted Toyota pickup.

    Add in the fingerless leather gloves and high-top sneakers, and you’re guaranteed a seamless transition whenever going from firing a Kalashnikov to hopping on a skateboard and dropping into an empty pool.

    Honestly, I see this as a huge step backward fashion-wise. The old uniforms built on a few simple pieces–the light sweater, the canvas pants, the balaclava; all in classic black–that any aspiring jihadist might very well already have in their closet. And while a graphic tee might do well for team spirit, how will they stand up the rigors of rural life or training? How available are replacements? It goes against the whole logic of the prêt-à-porter aesthetic the Taliban and other international terrorist groups have cultivated from the very beginning. (Who could forget the clean lines of the turtlenecks worn for the massacre at the Munich Olympics or the simple elegance of Arafat’s checkered keffiyeh?)

  • The Hat and The Hair: Episode 81

    “It’s nice to have Melania back,” Donald said. He leaned over and squirted a blob of Coconut Cream Extreme Conditioner on his desk. The hair scurried over and began to lap it up.

    “Is it?” the hat asked. “Is it really?”

    “I wish you two would get along,” Donald said. He ran a brush through the hair and it began to purr contentedly.

    “She hates me, Donald,” the hat said. “I made you President. I made you the leader of the free world. I made you The King of Twitter. And she hates me for it.”

    “OK, OK,” Donald said. The hair stomped on his bloated stomach a few times and curled up.

    “Hey, furball, can’t you back me up here?” the hat asked the hair.

    “She hates you,” the hair confirmed dreamily. “And it is all your fault.”

    “Nuh-uh!” the hat said. He was sitting on the Diet Coke button, hoping Donald would forget it was there. He had already drunk 26 cans and the Oval Office trash can was overflowing.

    “It kinda is,” Donald said.

    “Lies. All lies.”

    “The first time you met her you told you were available to help break up any encapsulation around her implants,” the hair said.

    “I was just trying to be a part of the team; it was only polite to offer,” the hat protested.

    “You said,” the hair began, “and I quote ‘I’ll help them rock-hard titties for you, girl.’’”

    “No, I didn’t.”

    The hair continued in the hat’s pinched voice “‘I’ll beat ‘em real nice and then maybe you give me a squeezer,’ unquote.”

    “In my defense, I thought she was a hooker,” the hat said sulkily.

    “She was introduced as his wife,” the hair said, arching up and then settling back comfortably.

    “She talked like a hooker,” the hat said.

    “Mr. President?” a voice asked.
    Donald looked up from the squabbling headmates, startled. “How long have you been standing there, Pie?” he demanded.

    “Oh, uh, not long, sir,” Sarah said. “Only ninety minutes or so.”

    “Well, what do you want?” Donald asked. The hair made a contented grunt when Donald picked him up and put him on his head.

    “Mr. President, I was wondering if we could finish up before this afternoon’s press briefing,” Sarah said.

    “Where were we?” Donald asked quarrelously.

    Sarah riffled through her notes, “North Korea. Singapore. Steel tariffs.”

    “WITCH HUNT!” Donald suddenly screeched. “It’s a witch hunt hoax. It’s all Jeff’s fault. No collusion. No collusion. A hoax no collusion witch hunt.”

    “Yes, sir,” Sarah said and scribbled on her paper. She shifted her weight from foot to foot and grimaced as she wrote.

    “What’s the matter with you, Pie?” Donald asked, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

    “Nothing, sir,” Sarah said.

    “Nothing? You’re shaking like you’re shitting a stream of frozen peas. What’s the matter with you? Wait? Are you wearing a wire?!?”

    “No, sir,” she said and moaned.

    “I won’t have spies in my office, Pie. I won’t have it. Spies and leakers. There all over. I won’t have it, I won’t have it!” Donald stood up and came around the desk, looming over Sarah.

    “Cough it up, Pie,” he said. “Tell me what’s going on.”

    “Mr. President…” she began.

    “Spit it out,” he yelled in her face, his breath fetid with Diet Coke and mechanically separated chicken.

    “I’ve been in your office for a very long time. I just have to go to the bathroom, sir,” she admitted.

    “There’s a potted plant right over there,” Donald said, waving at the long-suffering Oval Office ficus.

    “Sir…”

    “Go, Pie. I can’t have you running off to the bathroom every five minutes,” Donald said. The hat snickered softly on the desk.

    “But, sir…”

    “Every President in the last twenty years has peed in that ficus, Pie, and many fine heads of state. Are you saying you are too good to pee in the Oval Office ficus?”

    “No, sir,” Sarah said miserably. She set down her pen and notepad and began tugging down her pantyhose as she waddled awkwardly to the ficus.

    “Now, where was I?” Donald asked.

    “Witch hunt, Mr. President,” Sarah said, trying to squat over the potted plant.

    “WITCH HUNT!” Donald screamed again. Sarah wobbled in surprise and sat down heavily in the planter.

    “It’s a witch hunt,” Donald said. “Me? A witch? How dare they. I’m not a witch. Witches aren’t classy and I’m super-classy. Just the best. Look at this suit, Pie. Would a witch wear a suit this nice?”

    “No, sir,” Sarah said as she struggled to get back into a squat.

    “A witch? I’m no witch. I’ve never soured anyone’s milk. I wasn’t born with a caul. A witch,” he said disgustedly. Donald sat back down in his office chair heavily and swatted the hat flat to the desk.

    “Hey, man, watch it,” the hat grumbled.

    “Get off the Diet Coke button,” the hair hissed.

    “A witch? What does that even mean?” Donald asked. “Pie! What does it mean to be a witch?”

    “You, uh, have a black cat?” Sarah said.

    “See? No black cat. I don’t even have a cat. The last cat we had was gray. Donny Jr. left a window open and oops. 28 stories. No more cat,” Donald said.

    “I hated that cat,” the hair whispered. “It tried to pee on me once.”

    “Are you done yet, Pie?” Donald asked. “That’s disgusting. Why can’t you use a normal bathroom like a normal person?”

    “I don’t know, sir,” Sarah said miserably.

     

  • D-Day Morning Links

    Medics – D-Day

    74 years ago, 160,000 men got off various ships or planes and went ashore in the Normandy region of France. Enemies were waiting for them, and that meant more than 9,000 of them would be dead by the end of the day. To this day, combat experience aside, I cannot imagine what that would have been like. So as I grumbled about getting up this morning, it struck me… what would it have been like to get up that morning, and know what was coming. So I got into my comfortable auto, drove to my climate controlled office building and had a cup of good coffee and shut my gob.

    In honor of that massive effort and undertaking…you get Links early.

    • Your church have anything special about it? This one does. Bonus points for having the patron saint of paratroopers.
    • This might make OMWC shudder a little (Australian Shiraz!!!!) but we ain’t the only ones in TRADE WARZ with China. Another example of the need for actual free trade – not having commerce turn into a lever for the CCP to bend another country to their will. Of course, this also is a good risk management teaching point for anyone who depends too much on a single market for their growth. Ride the Dragon to profits, and it may turn around and bite you.
    • Sorry Cleveland, it appears your annual Biblical Plague hath returned. Maybe they could set a river on fire to repel them?
    • Only the classiest, most wanted can work on the White House! Yuge charges. The best.
    • We will end with someone ending their military career in … an entertaining fashion. Not the way I chose to leave, but you have to give him credit for originality.

  • Tuesday Afternoon Links – All Animal Stories edition

    “The most delicious thing I have ever seen.” -Stupid Whale

    Pilot Whale Dies in Thailand After Being Found With 17 Pounds of Plastic Bags in Its Stomach

    A male pilot whale struggled for five days to stay alive in Thailand near the Malaysian border after rescuers found it with 17 pounds of plastic bags in its stomach, the Washington Post reported on Sunday, but it ultimately succumbed to its illnesses.

    The whale died on Friday, the Post wrote, and an autopsy discovered what Thailand’s Department of Marine and Coastal Resources said were 80 plastic bags lodged in its stomach.

    I keep seeing this story all over the place and every time, I think: Stupid fucking whale. 80 plastic bags, whale? Did they taste good or something, whale? 80?!? You couldn’t have stopped after, say, 50 plastic bags, you stupid fucking whale?

    It’s far from the first time whales have turned up sick or dead from ingesting trash. Per the Post, experts say that the whale likely believed the bags were food:

    Thai officials said they believe the whale mistook the floating plastic for food. Pilot whales primarily eat squid but are also known to hunt octopus, cuttlefish and small fish when squid prove elusive, the American Cetacean Society said.

    That excuses eating the occasional bag, like “Oh, no! I accidentally ate one of those mysterious dark green potato chips that are sometimes in the bag!” but 80? 80 fucking bags, whale? You sure are one dumb fuck of a whale.

    “What’s worse than Insane Clown Posse?” is supposed to be a rhetorical question, not a life goal.

    Least surprising story or leastest surprising story?

    A Second Woman, Then 17, Accuses Riff Raff of Sexual Misconduct

    After a Melbourne woman named Eliza Stafford wrote on Facebook that Houston rapper Riff Raff drugged and raped her at a 2013 show, his Australian tour was swiftly canceled. Riff Raff has yet to respond to Stafford’s allegation, and now a second woman alleges that the rapper tried to coerce her into sex when she was a minor.

    In a phone call with Jezebel, 20-year-old Kelsey Doucette, who shared her story on Facebook on Friday, says that she met Riff Raff when she was 17 years old at the Milwaukee, Wisconsin stop of Warped Tour in July 2015. Doucette attended the tour with four friends, two of whom confirmed the details of her story with Jezebel. Contacts for Riff Raff’s management and booking did not respond to requests for comment for this story. A press contact for Warped Tour also did not respond to a request for comment.

    Look, ma’am. I’m not going to say you are as stupid as a plastic-bag eating whale, but you were at a Riff Raff “concert.” You have already made a questionable life choice on par with having your eyeballs tattooed. And then you go off alone with the guy who looks like the picture of a rapist in a children’s book about rapists? There’s no good time to be had here. None. There is only molestation.

    tl;dr Buy the women in your life all the bear mace you can find.

    BONUS JEZEBEL CONTENT:

    Curious Squid
    6/04/18 9:25pm
    It sounds like all her friends were teenagers too so I know I should give some leeway here, but I can’t help wondering what her male friends’ thoughts were when they were told “Oh….he doesn’t want any guys coming in the van, only the girls”. Like, this feels like it could be a teachable moment about how being a good dude isn’t just not being a bad dude, it’s looking out for your girl friends and standing up to potentially sketchy behaviour from other dudes.

    Really? I thought the lesson here was “don’t get in the van with a guy who looks like a rapist.”

    But they are so cute!

    What Is Nipah, the Virus Spread by Bats That’s Killing People in India?

    A deadly viral disease spread by bats is once again infecting humans, but in this case, it isn’t Ebola. As of June 1, an outbreak of the Nipah virus has infected at least 18 people and killed 17 in Kerala, India, the World Health Organization (WHO) reported. The outbreak, which is the first to hit South India, raises fears of the disease becoming more far-reaching.

    Nipah was discovered in 1998, when it sickened nearly 300 people and killed 100 in Malaysia (its name was taken from one of the villages where it first struck). Many of the victims had been farmers who contracted the virus through close contact with their pigs, which led to the euthanization of millions of pigs. But it turns out the pigs actually got the virus from another animal: It’s now known that fruit bats belonging to the genus Pteropus (otherwise called flying foxes) are the native carriers of Nipah.

    Not everyone exposed to Nipah gets sick, but those who do develop flu-like symptoms of fever, cough, and headache within three to 14 days after being exposed. Often, the illness gets worse quickly, with sufferers developing pneumonia, acute respiratory distress, or neurological symptoms like seizures and coma within a day or two. There’s no cure or specific treatment for Nipah, and its mortality rate can range from 40 to 100 percent.

    I can only assume that the bats were having sex with the pigs. Really, nothing else makes sense.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWVd_UL4BWs

  • CrossFit: The Libertarian Exercise Cult

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    CrossFit. For some the word conjures up visions of guys with man-buns doing an impossible gymnastic feat over and over again on a set of rings, or a girl in a sports bra who is THICC in all the right (or perhaps wrong) places blasting out heavy Olympic lifts in rapid succession. To many it’s a weird and masochistic form of exercising with a cultish following whose adherents refuse to shut up about it.

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    “A CrossFitter, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar. I know because they told me when they walked in.” H/T Dr. Fronkensteen

    Stereotypes exist for a reason and far be it from me to defend how some CrossFitters act (much less what they choose to post on social media). That being said, I myself am an adherent to this weird libertarian workout cult and can say that, while I will not claim it is the end-all-be-all form of exercise, it does offer something that most conventional gyms and exercise programs do not.

    Part I: A short and incomplete history

    CrossFit methodology was developed in the early 2000’s by self-proclaimed “Rabid Libertarian” Greg Glassman. Appropriately for a libertarian, his physical appearance resembles a construction worker on the tail end of a three day bender rather than the founder of an internationally successful fitness movement.

    Glassman was a gymnast in high-school who sought to get stronger than the competition by incorporating barbell lifting into his training regimen. He quickly realized that while training specialization might make his friends and competitors better in one particular activity, it often came at the expense of skill or strength in another and that when competing in varied activities and competitions he was often far better equipped than those who focused solely on their event or sport.

    Fast forward to 2000 and he’s codified his “jack-of-all-trades” approach into the term known as “CrossFit” and is poised to unleash a fitness phenomenon on the world, complete with head bands, compression socks, copious amounts of loose chalk and pretentious FB posts. The fancy description of the goal of CrossFit goes something like this:

    “greater work capacity across broad time and modal domains”

    and

    “Adherents train to enhance 10 key physical qualities: cardiovascular/respiratory endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, coordination, agility, balance and accuracy.”

    Put more simply, the goal is to be “fit.” Strong? Yes. Endurance? You bet. Flexible? Yup. Fast? Uh-huh….. You get the idea.

    Unlike many other popular forms of exercising CrossFit eschews specializing in one particular area and seeks to train an individual in all dimensions of fitness simultaneously. An avid marathon runner may have incredible cardiovascular/respiratory endurance but this often comes at the expense of muscular strength. A body builder may be incredibly strong but they are rarely flexible or possess the stamina for prolonged energy expenditure, and so on.

    While this may have been a revelation in the fitness world circa 2000, it was by no means a “new” idea. In fact, 20th century fitness was founded on this approach. The CrossFit brand may be relatively new, the methodology however bears a striking resemblance to Georges Hébert’s “Natural Method” of the early 20th Century.

    “A (Natural Method) session is composed of exercises belonging to the ten fundamental groups: walking, running, jumping, quadrupedal movement, climbing, equilibrium (balancing), throwing, lifting, defending and swimming.”

    While their definitions of the dimensions of fitness do not perfectly align, their similarity is undeniable. The underlying belief is the same: being all-around fit makes you better equipped not only for survival, but life in general.

    The 1970s gave us two trends that would turn the idea of what fitness is on its ear. The running boom and Arnold Schwarzenegger. These two divergent phenomena pushed people away from pursuing fitness itself as a goal and toward physical specialization. New marathons, half-marathons, 10Ks and 5Ks began to pop up across the country, not as a spectacle for the super athlete to compete in, but as something for the average person to aspire to do; participation levels spiked as never before. Soon you had a sizable portion of the population pursuing running only (or at least endurance sports only) and neglecting strength training almost entirely under the false assumption that it makes you “bulky” and “slow.”

    One the other end of the spectrum you have Arnold Schwarzenegger, a physical specimen the likes of which the world has never seen. His muscles had muscles. His physique made Michelangelo’s David look like a pajama boy and his popularity redefined the international conception of what it meant to be “strong.” So begins the “gym rat” phenomenon of [mostly] men pumping themselves up in the gym, trying to look like Arnold, moving away from some of the old-fashioned barbell power lifting movements in favor or isolating muscle groups with exercises like curls, flys, bench press, military press, leg extensions, etc. The gym rats were almost as disdainful of cardio/endurance training as the marathoners were of strength training; “it makes you skinny” and “it kills muscle.” “Cardio” if done at all, was confined to a separate workout to be done one or two days a week for most gym rats.

    Thus over the last forty years we see the average person faced with a false dichotomy; pursue endurance specialization or strength specialization, when in fact both approaches neglect at least half of what being “fit” is all about.

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    Fast forward back to the mid-2000s and enter Greg Glassman. New guy peddling an old idea. For the average person, “fitness” is the goal of exercise. Your average person does not exercise to compete in a specialized sport but to have a healthy and functional body. As A Leap at the Wheel put it in GlibFit 2.0, Son of Glibfit:

    Fitness is the process of picking things up and putting them down, using excess energy in your diet to improve your heart, lungs, and muscles.

    I would add that training your muscles and your heart and lungs need not be, and perhaps should not be, mutually exclusive; fitness is your body’s ability to perform work and that work must be done at the pace that the situation and environment demand.

    Will your average person ever “need” to run 26.2 miles? Is there any point to being able to bench 400 lbs beyond being able to claim you can bench 400 lbs? Neither goal is a bad thing in and of itself, yet, hitting a certain run time or weight on a particular lift is often an arbitrary standard to judge one’s fitness. For the average person who is not a competitive athlete training for a specific event, the better standard may be to ask yourself:

    Can I lift the heavy object off a child?
    Can I climb out the window of a burning building, hang from the ledge and drop to the ground?
    Can I pull myself back in that window if need be?
    Can I sprint a half-mile down the road to get help?
    If I’m in a situation where I need to defend myself or others with my body do I have the stamina to keep fighting for several minutes after the initial assault?

    CrossFit came about to supply a demand in the fitness market for those who prioritize function over form and utility over aesthetic. It’s not the only way, much less the perfect way, it’s just a really good, and increasingly available way, to achieve physical utility. While a person’s individual physiology certainly plays no small part, committed CrossFitters often end up with a body type that resembles someone whom works hard outdoors for a living. For those of us attached to keyboards and chairs all day, that’s not a bad thing.

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    A little something for Jesse
    A little something for Jesse.

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    Some of you are asking by now “So what the hell is it exactly? What makes it so libertarian?” Good questions that will be answered in Part 2. Please let me reiterate this disclaimer; I do not claim CrossFit is the perfect form of exercise. While I believe in the methodology, its execution often falls victim to human nature and I intend to distinguish between good and bad trends within CrossFit in Part 3.

    For now let me close by saying that its appeal, for me, is rooted in the libertarian virtue of self-reliance. Sure it’s nice to look good naked and know that I’m doing something good for my body, but below that at the core it’s about capitalizing on the body I’ve been given.

    In a world that is increasingly dismissive and hostile to the idea of self-reliance, I sleep better at night knowing I am physically able to come to the aid of a family member or neighbor in a time of crisis. It’s about being confident that I’m at least somewhat prepared physically to respond to the unforeseen. The best analogy I can come up with: it’s akin to owning a firearm or a tool; my body does me little good if it’s neglected and rusty.

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  • ¡Martes por la mañana enlaces mexicanos!

    Buenos Dias! I’m normally not awake when the links go up so this is a bit different for me.

    So let’s see how does Sloopy do this….?

    Deportes! Liga Bancomer….its World Cup time so they’re not playing. But this Boxer was executed for…reasons. 

    MÉXICO – Este domingo por la noche se reportó la ejecución del peleador mexicano de 25 años, Gilberto Parra Medina, en la colonia Ejidal de Pueblo Yaqui, en Ciudad Obregón, Sonora, en compañía de Orlando Verduzco, de acuerdo con reportes locales.

    Parra Medina, mejor conocido como ‘Parrita’, disputó en marzo de 2015 el campeonato de peso minimosca de la Organización Mundial de Boxeo, y apenas en marzo pasado perdió ante el capitalino Saúl Juárez la pelea por el campeonato latino de peso minimosca del Consejo Mundial de Boxeo.

    Según reportes locales, el boxeador estaba a bordo de un auto gris de marca Matiz, que iba conduciendo el propio peleador, cuando fueron atacados por otro vehículo, del que no se dio más información.

    Agentes periciales no informaron de inmediato sobre los impactos de bala que recibió el joven boxeador. De acuerdo con un testigo, los dos tripulantes del vehículo fallecieron al instante, lo cual provocó consternación en el medio boxístico local, estatal y nacional.

    Parra Medina sostuvo 31 peleas profesionales, de las cuales ganó 26, perdió apenas cuatro y tuvo un No Contest.

    MEXICO CITY – This Sunday night, the execution of the 25-year-old Mexican fighter, Gilberto Parra Medina, was reported in the Ejidal neighborhood of Pueblo Yaqui in Ciudad Obregón, Sonora, in the company of Orlando Verduzco, according to local reports.

    Parra Medina, better known as ‘Parrita’, played in March 2015 the World Boxing Organization light flyweight championship, and just last March lost to the capital Saul Juarez the fight for the Latin World Lightweight Championship of the World Council of Boxing.

    According to local reports, the boxer was aboard a gray Matiz car, which was being driven by the fighter himself, when they were attacked by another vehicle, of which no further information was given.

    Expert agents did not immediately report on the bullet impacts the young boxer received. According to one witness, the two crewmembers of the vehicle died instantly, which caused consternation in the local, state and national boxing media.

    Parra Medina held 31 professional fights, of which she won 26, lost just four and had a No Contest.

    Venezuela threw me for a loop and released prisoners. I bet it because the prison ran out of food.

    El gobierno de Venezuela liberó a 80 opositores detenidos, algo que calificó como un acto de paz después que el presidente Nicolás Maduro diera la orden el viernes. En el listado de los opositores presos que salieron en libertad este fin de semana están Gilbert Caro, Renzo Prieto, Wilmer Azuaje y Raúl Emilio Baduel. El fiscal general Tarek William Saab además comunicó que se pueden esperar más excarcelaciones en el transcurso de la semana.

    The Venezuelan government released 80 opponents arrested, which he described as an act of peace after President Nicolás Maduro gave the order on Friday. In the list of the imprisoned opponents that were released this weekend are Gilbert Caro, Renzo Prieto, Wilmer Azuaje and Raúl Emilio Baduel. Attorney General Tarek William Saab also announced that more releases can be expected over the course of the week.

    HEY You leave Ohio out of this!

    La ironía de esta declaración es que Trump se refiere a una práctica espeluznante que está ocurriendo en su gobierno y que refleja la profunda crisis moral del país. Según un reporte del diario The New York Times, desde octubre pasado el Servicio de Control de Inmigración y Aduanas de Estados Unidos (ICE, por sus siglas en inglés) ha separado a 700 niños de sus padres o de otros adultos tutores mientras intentaban cruzar la frontera suroeste hacia EE.UU.

    Dentro de estos niños se encontraba un bebé de 18 meses, cuya madre se presentó ante las autoridades de inmigración para pedir asilo con el certificado de nacimiento del pequeño en su poder.

    A principios de este mes, el secretario general de la Casa Blanca, John Kelly, protagonizó varios titulares por ni siquiera haber intentado ocultar su desprecio frente a estos niños, al decir que aquellos arrestados por los agentes “serán atendidos, llevados a un cuidado temporal o lo que sea”.

    Y, semanas previas, el Departamento de Salud y Servicios Humanos admitió que la agencia había perdido el rastro de aproximadamente 1.500 niños inmigrantes que puso en el sistema de hogares temporal de Estados Unidos, durante los gobiernos de Trump y del expresidente Barack Obama. Recientemente, una red de traficantes que se hizo pasar por patrocinadores para estos hogares fue expuesta por forzar a los niños inmigrantes a vivir y trabajar bajo condiciones espantosas en granjas de pollos en Ohio.

    The irony of this statement is that Trump refers to a creepy practice that is occurring in his government and that reflects the deep moral crisis of the country. According to a report in The New York Times, since last October the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement Service (ICE) has separated 700 children from their parents or other adult guardians while trying to cross the border. Southwest border towards USA

    Among these children was an 18-month-old baby, whose mother appeared before the immigration authorities to request asylum with the child’s birth certificate in her possession.

    Earlier this month, White House Secretary General John Kelly made headlines for not even trying to hide his contempt of these children by saying that those arrested by the agents “will be taken care of, taken into temporary care. or whatever”.

    And, weeks before, the Department of Health and Human Services admitted that the agency had lost track of the approximately 1,500 immigrant children it placed in the United States’ temporary housing system during the Trump and former President Barack Obama governments. Recently, a network of traffickers posing as sponsors for these homes was exposed for forcing immigrant children to live and work under appalling conditions in chicken farms in Ohio.

    No mataré a su perro…

    A breif reminder the airlines hate your dog, as much as they hate you.

    informan que el animal iba en una transportadora de mascotas desde Phoenix y se dirigía a Newark, Nueva Jersey. Fue encontrado muerto en su caja el miércoles por la mañana en una instalación de carga en el aeropuerto.

    Relacionado:

    “Al final del vuelo, el perro estaba muerto y la mujer lloraba sentada en el pasillo”

    Delta Air Lines informó que un asistente de vuelo revisó al perro alrededor de las 6 a.m y luego dos horas más tarde, cuando ya lo halló muerto.

    La aerolínea informó en un comunicado a la televisora WXYZ-TV que está “llevando a cabo una revisión exhaustiva de la situación”.

    A principios de este año, un cachorro de bulldog francés murió después de que una azafata de United Airlines le dijo a su dueño que colocara la jaula del perro en un compartimento superior.

    they report that the animal was on a pet carrier from Phoenix and was heading to Newark, New Jersey. He was found dead in his box on Wednesday morning at a loading facility at the airport.

    Related:

    “At the end of the flight, the dog was dead and the woman was crying sitting in the hallway”

    Delta Air Lines reported that a flight attendant checked the dog around 6 a.m. and then two hours later, when he was found dead.

    The airline said in a statement to WXYZ-TV that it is “carrying out a thorough review of the situation.”

    Earlier this year, a French bulldog puppy died after a United Airlines stewardess told her owner to place the dog’s cage in an overhead compartment.

     

    Happy birthday to New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, Ron Livingston, “Marky” Mark Whalberg and Kenny G!

     

    Maybe not Kenny G.

    Translation services provided by the Alpha Beta corporation.  Who think you are dangerous.