I am a huge fan of movies and so I pay attention to what is coming out in theaters and read the reviews of current films on a regular basis. As we draw 2018 to a close, many websites are putting out their Best of 2018 listicles. And boy, are most of them just filled with shit.
They manage, by dent of having 11 movies, to get a good one in: Hereditary. It’s a legitimately good horror movie. Creepy atmosphere, unsettling, sort of a throwback to the post-Rosemary’s Baby devil film boom of the 70s. Toni Collette plays the same mom she’s been playing since The Sixth Sense, but that’s OK.
And Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse might be good, but all every review seems to dwell on is BLACK SPIDER-MAN! THERE’S A BLACK-SPIDER-MAN! Yes, his name is Miles and he’s been in the comics for a number of years now, movie critics. Now go change your underwear.
AV Club is doing the slow reveal, like a burlesque show that you pray will be over soon. Rather than give us the Best of 2018, they’ve dithered and delayed with:
I doubt there will be any surprises on there best of, but I still wanna holler “JUST TAKE YOUR DAMN PANTIES OFF SO I CAN GO HOME!”
***
I tried to find Salon‘s Best Movies of 2018, but it was just Fahrenheit 11/9 listed ten times and a .gif of Michael Moore pissing in a cup and then drinking it.
Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. has decided to stop making tires in Venezuela, according to multiple reports, the latest in a line of companies to pull out of the crisis-stricken South American country. As part of its severance package, employees will reportedly receive 10 tires each.
Employees showed up this week to the company’s plant in the City of Valencia and discovered a letter posted to the door that, according to Bloomberg, said “Goodyear Venezuela has been forced to cease operations.”
Damn you, State Capitalism! [shakes fist]
I dare you to find a more useless article about a non-controversy:
Meghan Markle sparked a global debate about baby bump cradling after her surprise appearance at the British Fashion Awards this week.
The Duchess of Sussex, 37, posed in a way at the style-centered event that some interpreted as hammy and others as maternal, as she presented an award to her wedding dress designer, Givenchy artistic director Clare Waight Keller.
Treacle
@CallMeTreacle
Cupping the bump? WHOB DOES THIS? #MeghanMarkle who the hell does she think she is #Madonna and child? Something VERY creepy going on in this woman’s head
“#MeghanMarkle holding on to that bump like someone’s about to snatch it,” another quipped.
“Seriously, no pregnant woman poses for photo like this. Ever. She’s such an actress. #MeghanMarkle #duchessofsussex #BritishFashionAwards #actingup,” another wrote, adding, “Especially when you’re a royalty [sic] … She should learn from Kate on how to pose regally when pregnant. Both hands discretely [sic] under the bump. Not cradling like Demi Moore. #Crasspregnancy #MeghanMarkle.”
It’s the perfect storm of stupid hot takes on Twitter combined with an article that didn’t need to be written because humans should be better than this.
Since there are a few Glibs here trying to learn another language I thought I’d share my experience. In my case I’m studying Japanese but will structure my experience here into what has worked well for me generally. If there is interest, in a follow-up post I’ll discuss what worked and didn’t work for me specifically learning Japanese.
Get Motivated
First and foremost, you are going to need something to keep you motivated. If you have no compelling interest in the language or a desire to use it, you are going to find it very difficult to study and retain much as an adult. When you are younger, for example in high school and college, your ability to learn is much better than when you are older.
My interest in Japanese was twofold, first I’d always been curious about the country and the culture and second, I’d been told it was a very difficult language for an English speaker to learn. I can confirm the second part, but I turned it into a source of motivation. I wasn’t going to let its difficult nature beat me. However, honestly, looking back I’m not sure I’d do it again. I’ve no intention of moving to Japan and no professional need for it. It was simply something I chose do as an intellectual stretch. I wanted to learn something that was in no way related to my career which is heavy on math, finance. However, I have made some wonderful friends as a result of my studies which was truly unexpected.
Find a Schedule
I have the misfortune to spend over an hour a half every weekday commuting by train to Manhattan. Rather than spend this time simply surfing on the phone, with the exception of glibertarians.com of course, I put this uninterrupted time into studying. This equates to about seven hours or so each week of “found” study time.
Find a Class or a Partner or Even Better Both
There is plenty to be gained by self-study, but I’m astounded by the amount of people on the internet who want to learn a language only through self-study. It’s a language – the whole point is communication. For somebody learning Japanese he or she may only want to watch anime or read manga and feels self-study is perfectly appropriate. I think you’re setting yourself up for a huge case of disappointment. An instructor, preferably with native fluency, is an invaluable resource to help you understand a language. While you can’t beat a physical class to fully understand nuance, thanks to the internet there are many, many live language classes that are available online through things like Skype. Personally, I have a formal class for two hours once a week after work.
I also do a language exchange with three partners in Japan. One of my partners is email only while the other two are Skype calls of one hour each week. We do roughly half the call in Japanese and the other half in English. They help me with my Japanese and I help them learn English. I won’t lie and say that as a relatively introverted person that this was particularly easy to do. The first six months or so getting to know everyone was really a struggle, however they have become true friends. They are also an invaluable resource. I can email them to ask them questions and unlike my teacher at my formal class they are friends. I can ask them about colloquial usage and impolite words and phrases that my instructor won’t or doesn’t want to discuss.
YouTube, (Niconico), Movies and TV
I can’t imagine what it was like trying to learn a language and find content before all the various video sites. I’m very much of an auditory learner so watching YouTube is a terrific way for me to learn. I’m fortunate that Japan is a karaoke culture so lots of music has the lyrics available. The music itself also helps me remember vocabulary. However, like English music, Japanese lyrics aren’t necessarily grammatical. I also watch plenty of news and talk shows in Japanese simply to try to follow the conversations.
Naturally I watch movies, TV and anime as well. Here you must be careful. Specific to Japanese there are various levels of politeness and the spoken language has gender differences. So, unless you want to sound like a female samurai you need to understand the context of what you are watching and not simply repeat things you hear in videos.
Be Wary of Shortcuts
I can’t count the number of web site devoted to learning Japanese in short time periods or various “hacks” for learning Japanese. If learning another language was really that easy don’t you think we’d all be learning another two or three? I suppose if you are a fluent Spanish speaker learning Portuguese you have a shot a fluency in six months. For the rest of us I’d suggest that it’s going to be a matter of putting in the time. And, from my experience, if you’re over 40 be prepared for lots of it. Younger students in my Japanese class kick my ass. Yes, I’ve picked up many learning shortcuts over the years, but you can’t beat the younger brain for learning new things.
Greetings and salutations, dear friends. Its been a while…
Why’d I take this shit job again?
I won’t even bother trying to do much of a sports update since so little happened yesterday (other than ManUre choking). That may take a couple days of me actually watching games to get back up to speed. I do know Liverpool also such into the knockout stages of the UCL. Let’s see what the final 16 draw brings. I need to get through another weekend of the NFL before I know what the hell is going on other than the Steelers shitting the bed. College bowl games start soon, I think. If I get a few minutes, I’ll create a bowl pick-em deal again, or someone else can, so we can measure ourselves against each other again. More details on that possibility coming soon. And that’s pretty much it for sports.
Hey, Henry IV was born on this day. So were: industrialist Werner von Siemens, theatergoer Mary Todd Lincoln, super-soldier (that’s actually a gross understatement) Sgt Alvin York, actor Van Heflin, boxer Archie Moore, comedic genius Dick Van Dyke, actor Christopher Plummer, guitarist Jeff Baxter, rocker Davy O’List, wrestler Sylvester “Junkyard Dog” Ritter, moron Ben Bernanke, snaggletooth actor Steve Buscemi, musical genius Morris Day, actor Jamie Foxx, singer Taylor Swift and sharp-dressing golfer Rickie Fowler.
This paralyzation trick also works on chickens
Its also the day on which the following events occurred: Pope Paul III opened the Council Of Trent, Dartmouth College received its charter, The Nanking Massacre took place, Jackie Robinson was traded to the Giants but chose to retire rather than make the move, “Alice’s Restaurant” was released, Billy Martin was fired by…the MINNESOOOOODA TWIIIIIINS, Yasser Arafat addressed the UN in Geneva (and then promptly went back to his hidden fortune in Paris), Al Gore finally conceded the 2000 election, Saddam Hussein was captured and Salma Hayek fingered Harvey Weinstein in a claim of sexual assault.
That’s all for that. Now…the links!
“Something stinks. Must be downwind from Calais again.”
Theresa May survived her no-confidence vote and will now seek a lifeline from EU leaders in order to save the shitty Brexit she negotiated. I still don’t see what’s wrong with unilaterally saying “these are our immigration rules for EU “citizens” and these are our trade offers…take them or leave them. Sure seems simpler than groveling with the people who you’re ending a relationship with who have no real mechanism to force you to stay.
You want a weird story? This is a weird story.. No spoilers, you gotta read it yourself.
Now powered by diesel, batteries and human waste (allegedly)!
If you’re the kind of person who thinks its cool to literally piss on the floor of your workplace, then Chicago has a public sector union job for you! Apparently you can even take a shit in a plastic bag and not get fired.
OK, you guys, must be R-rated or lower. Think of our Family Friendly Certification!
For a large number of you, the answer should be that horrible movie with the giant rubber fish. But, sadly, none of you feel at all guilty about liking it.
So, come on, you can tell us. We won’t judge you.
OK, I couldn’t even type that without cracking up. But….
Brett has been downing bottles of vodka in an effort to keep warm while in space Michigan. We received this note: “wud u giys do teh pm links all my 19 fingers are blu.”
“I’m the most qualified person ever to be President,” Joe whispered into the mirror, his breath fogging the glass. He couldn’t see himself begin to touch himself. The mirror shook. The bathroom shook. The train began to move, slow and ponderous, like elephants mating. “Uber for trains,” he whispered. “Now that’s a Presidential-level idea.” The train began to sway as it reached a walking pace. He rested his underballs on the cool lip of the filthy train bathroom sink and groaned. “Mr. President,” he murmured, pulling at the ragged perimeters of his abused nipples. “I will be President.”
“So who do I have to sleep with to be President?” Kamala asked the swirling smoke in the mirror. “Old is OK. I’ve already done old. I actually like sagging ballsacks now.” The mirror tried to clear and then clouded again. “Dammit, mirror! Tell me!” The mirrored finally cleared and a face formed. The mirror made a gagging noise and Kamala fainted dead away.
[howling winds of chaos]
Nancy shook the plush toy in Alex’s face. “Donsha wantsh tu pay wish it?”
“No!’ the girl screamed. She pulled at the crotch of her tights and made a face.
“What’s the matter?” Chuck asked, looming avuncularly.
“My cookie itches!” Alex said. She smelled her fingers and made a gagging noise.
“I WANT MY 21 TRILLION!” Alex screamed, high and piercing. Everyone in the caucus meeting winced.
“Fucking Astoria,” Chuck said.
“GREEN NEW DEAL!” Alex screeched and kicked over the blocks they had given her to play with while they tried to talk.
“Depshit Bernie and now thish,” Nancy grumbled.
“WE LOST THE SENATE BECAUSE OF GERRYMANDERING!” the little girl yelled. “I KNOW BIG WORDS!”
“Fucking Bronx,” Chuck said. “I’d like to bomb that shithole to the ground.”
“THROGS NECK, MOTHAFUCKA!”
“I’m not sure this is a productive meeting…” Kristen said quietly.
“YOU COST US AL FRANKEN!” Al screamed in her face in the third person. He honked her boobs and stalked out of the room.
“Who’s that?” Alex demanded. “Who’s that? Who’s that? Who’s that? Who’s that lady? Who’s that?” She kept pointing at herself in the mirror as all the rest of them slowly filed out.
“I’m gonna be President. I’m gonna be the best President. I’m from Brooklyn. I’m tough. I’m capable. I’ll only be 79 when I get elected. I’m from Vermont. People from Vermont are very tough. The toughest. Second only to people from Brooklyn, so that makes me extra tough. Double tough. I can take on Donald. Young people love me. I’m like the kooky grandpa that farts a lot in all those movies that the kids love. Just fantastic. I can fart too, you know. Authentic Vermont farting. Smells like maple syrup and white people!”
Amy Jean Klobuchar continued to quietly matter not one bit.
“They want you to stay in the Senate, Elizabeth. They think you should know your place. You tell ’em: A Woman’s Place Is In The White House. That will be a great bumper sticker. I’ll take on Wall Street and Donald Trump and I’ll get rid of pay-day loans and make all the businesses have a government official on their Board of Directors. I’ll haul CEOs out into the street and feed them to the homeless. I’ll turn this entire nation into a paradise, like San Francisco! Blood! Blood will run in the streets! I LOVE BLOOD. Wait, hold on don’t think about that. Don’t think about blood. Dammit, Elizabeth, you thought about blood. Don’t. Don’t think about blood. bloodbloodbloodbloodbloodblood Deep breaths, Elizabeth. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. OK, good. bloodbloodbloodbloodbloodblood”
Elizabeth rushed to her office bathroom and locked the door behind her. She struggled out of her Spanx, clamped a handtowel between her teeth and began to masturbate furiously: pulling, twisting, tugging, flicking, slapping, pinching, splaying and finally beating her dead clitoris to elicit a feeling, any feeling. It was as numb and cold as a gravestone
“BETO! BETO! BETO!” The chants of the crowds still rang in his ears. He lay by the small pond and gazed lovingly at his own reflection. “You will be the white Obama,” he told himself. Beside him, spooning comfortably, Cory told his reflection: “And you will be the black Obama.”
[Editor’s note: Yes, this is a repeat of last year’s piece. But, don’t think of it like a tired, old, overdone rerun. Think of it more as a new Glibertarians choliday tradition! (TRADITION!) ~ SP]
Yes, it’s that time of year again, when Jews all over the world celebrate their most treasured and most holy days… well, not really, but I’ll Jewsplain.
First, the part everyone knows: this is supposedly the commemoration of the Maccabees doing something or other. But here’s the catch- Jews do not accept the books of the Maccabees as canonical and derive their understanding of Chanukkah and the Maccabees from the Talmud. The usual reason given is that the Macs came along too late, the canon was completed. But it may be deeper than that, so let’s start with the familiar parts.
The whole megillah happened around 2200 years ago when I was just a wee yeled. The Middle East was a seething cauldron of petty rivalries, bloody wars, and conquests back and forth, unlike today’s quiet and civilized environment. The two major warring empires were the Ptolemies and the Seleucids, who were proxies for various swarthy European types. There were some Macedonians, Romans, and Persians in the mix as well. Like I said, it was a mess. And as usual, the Jews were right in the middle of the shit because of their geographic location and because Yahweh liked fucking with us.
If you read through the histories of that era, it’s a confusing mess because so many of the warring monarchs had the same name, with only nicknames and numbers allowing you to tell them apart. But the overwhelming cultural bit of this was the spread of Greek civilization, which brought things like rationality, philosophy, mathematics, and science to the gibbering tribal masses of Asia and Northern Africa. Unlike the tribal kingdoms, the Greeks were very big on universal culture and values, as well as a surprising tolerance for other ways of life- they basically were the first assimilationists, and in ways that would seem very familiar to Americans.
Now, the official story is that those awful Greeks, who at that point in history ruled over Palestine, had a culture that was so attractive that the Jews started assimilating, speaking Greek, adopting airs of tolerance, eating pork, wrestling naked, and wearing clip-on foreskins (that is not a joke, they really had them). This, of course, could not be tolerated by the Jews, goes the usual narrative. And then, in a total reversal of Greek policy, the latest tyrant, Antiochus IV (Epiphanes), was said to have outlawed Jewish religious practices and forced everyone who hadn’t adopted Greek culture and mores to do so by clipping on foreskins and chowing down on ham (anticipating the later American Jewish custom of eating pork by dismissing it as “Chinese food”). So after the usual litany of atrocities, which prominently featured defilement of the Temple in Jerusalem, they naturally rebelled. The Talmud gives its version of one of the atrocities, the story of Hannah and her sons. One at a time, Antiochus ordered each of Hannah’s sons to eat bacon, and each son in turn refused, shouted a slogan about their devotion to Yahweh, and was then killed for maintaining their religious righteousness. After watching each of her sons in turn being executed, Hannah threw herself off a building in a fit of grief and madness. An inspiring tale, nu?
The familiar tale continues with the great Judah Maccabee leading his ragtag band of righteous Jews into a successful rebellion against the heathen Greeks, driving them out of Palestine, then rededicating the Temple by the use of various priestly rituals. Note the last. The miracle of Chanukkah was the burning of a ritual lamp in the Temple for eight days while consuming only one day’s worth of oil, which is all they had in terms of ritually pure oil.
As a libertarian sort, I’ve learned to be a bit cynical and assume that any story like this glides past unsavory truths. I also assume that cupidity rules and is usually the driver of events. So, with that in mind…
At that time, there were multiple schisms among the Jews- the famous Life of Brian scene about the Judean People’s Front versus the People’s Front of Judea was not entirely a joke. Three of the major factions were the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the Hellenizers. The Pharisees and Sadducees fought over who really had control of Jewish law, with the Pharisees maintaining that the rabbis were really the ones to control things, the Sadducees insisting that it was the Temple priests, and the Hellenizers being the Reform Jews of their time, incorporating Greek practice and language into the Temple rituals and eschewing the fundamentalist interpretations of Jewish law (yes, this is an oversimplification, but the big picture always is).
Judah Maccabee was the son of Mattathias, who was a Temple priest and a fundamentalist. Within the priesthood, the Hellenizers and fundamentalists struggled, with the Hellenizers having won out. Their priest, Menelaus, deposed the fundamentalist priest, Jason, by paying off Antiochus. This was a good investment since this gave Menelaus control of the Temple treasures and receipts. Mattathias, being a fundy allied with Jason was clearly a loser here. In his view, anyone not following the religion in the way his faction thought proper should be executed and they certainly did their share of killing. And indeed, one of the outcomes of the rebellion was the execution of Jason as a heretic and traitor to the One True Faith.
So a cynical person might look at this as less of a rebellion against Antiochus, but more of an internal struggle between factions fighting for power and treasure. The winners write history, so the fact that the Greeks mostly didn’t interfere with religious practice before or after the Maccabean rebellion but somehow Antiochus was the exception and tried to wipe out Judaism could possibly be… well you know what self-serving storytellers and drama queens those Middle East folk can be. The cynic might look at historic parallels and see the Maccabees as akin to the modern Taliban, fighting against the encroachment of civilization (literal, in this case) in favor of a strict and violent fundamentalism that just coincidentally put them in power. And that’s what we celebrate for Chanukkah.
Fun fact: the Hebrew word for a Jew who has given up strict religious practice is “apikoros,” which derives from the Greek “Epicure.”
One more cynical observation: why the books of the Maccabees are not canonical among the Jews despite lots of slaughter and a Yahweh miracle. Although the usual excuse is timing, someone miiiiight notice that the decisions about canonicity and religious practice were made by the faction which survived and ended up controlling Judaism- the Pharisees, bitter foes of the Sadducees, with whom the Maccabees, as priests who got their share of Temple treasure and tribute, were aligned. But that would be overly cynical, right?
Fun fact: Judah Maccabee was the first Jew to make contact with the Romans, seeking assistance in his fight against the Greeks. As readers of Matthew will note, this did not end well for the Mac family.
Fun fact: although potato latkes seem like the canonical Chanukkah food in the US and Europe, in Israel they’re almost unknown. The treat of choice is… jelly donuts. And why is that? Because the bakers in Israel have traditionally been part of state-sponsored trade unions. And although latkes are easy to make at home and best served fresh, donuts are more difficult and are much easier to pick up at a (union) bakery. Just look for the union filling.
And speaking of latkes, here’s the way to do it right.
I’m stuck in Dearborn with a stomach bug. It has made me very popular with my clients and coworkers — who sent me back to the hotel. The internet is a wonderful thing. I can work from my hotel room nearly exactly the same as working at home. Its…lovely. Gray, cold, overcast, dreary. What’s not to love about winter in Michigan.
Here’s another reason why I don’t have internet enabled devices in my home. “Hey, Brett, could you ask your wife to model that bikini again before you change the password on your webcam?”
Its weird, but some sick part of me keeps seeing “Sid and Nancy” every time I read “Chuck and Nancy”. I’m rooting for a Donny-style shutdown. Fuck shutting down the National Parks. Shut down the Social Security direct deposit and see what happens! Go Nucular!
Trump administration wants to poison CA’s water supply! Not to worry, I’m sure state regs will fix it, right?
We all love our dogs, but when Darwin’s ghost comes knocking, let him have the dog.
