Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Blog

  • You’re Doing it Wrong – #2

    [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Intro Text” _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    Find out what you were doing wrong previously

    A while back there was a post where someone referenced the Digital Time that was proposed by the French Revolution. Well, arguments about our calendar are really useless.

    Or are they.

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.10.1″ color=”#ffffff” height=”6px” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.10.1″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”AD1″ _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    Your calendar: Year One is the Year of Our Lord and all years previous are Before the Year of Our Lord

    Status: WRONG

    This has bugged me since I can remember. BC? AD? BCE? WTF? Herod1 died before he was born?

    It was one thing that really interferred with my understanding of history. “Third Centruy BC”. Was that the 300’s? The 200’s?

    Then I stumbled upon the Holocene Calendar. And the whole thing started to make much more sense.

    The Holocene marks the latest inter-glacial after the Pleistocene and is dated at starting roughly 11,700 years ago. After the african migration of 60, 000 years ago it marks the dividing point of the Neo-Litic (New Stone Age) and the Paleo-Litic (Old Stone Age). Human agriculture which lead to permanent cities and “civilization” is usually dated to this period. Why not start the calendar at this time?

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”wheat image” _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.10.1″ color=”#ffffff” height=”6px” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.10.1″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Gregory XIII image” _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”AD2″ _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    All of human civilization has occurred in the past 12,000 years, much of it in half that time. Outside of astronomical events, every single human historical event that can be traced to a specific date2 falls into that period. As a user of the Gregorian Calendar I am a bit prejudiced but it seems that we could eliminate all of this BC-negative year stuff by starting the date accounting of Mankind at the beginning of the Holocene, call it 12,018 years ago. Simply add 10,000 to the current year.

    Suddenly, there is no more BC/AD adjustment. There is theoretically a Year Zero but it doesn’t matter since nothing is dated before. According to modern research, no one dates the first birthday of Jesus to 1AD; consensus seems to be that He was born around 4BC or born before He was born. So, born in 9997 and died in 10030. Does that take away from the basic message?

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.10.1″ color=”#ffffff” height=”6px” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.10.1″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”AD3″ _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    The Copper Age begins around 4000HE. Things start to come into position. Four thousand years from cultivated crops to refined metals, marking the end of the Neo-Lithic, the end of the Stone Age.

    The Bronze Age begins around 6700HE

    The first pyramid was finished in 7390HE

    The Iron Age began about 9200HE

    The Roman Empire was from 9974 until 10476. I think my four year-old granddaughter could even subtract those numbers.

    All of history can be represented by a continous number line. Later events are represented by a larger number. Years between dates are a simple arithmetic operation. We’re living in the CXXIst Century (121st). How cool is that?

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”giza image” _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.10.1″ color=”#ffffff” height=”6px” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.10.1″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”eclipse image” _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”AD4″ _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    Other calendar systems could be adjusted because the date of the start of the Holocene is rather arbitrary. This year is 5778 in the Jewish calendar. Adding 10,000 years pushes the start date of the calendar back another 3760 years. Or the date in the Arabic calendar is 1439 so, again, adding 10k years pushes Year Zero up 579 years. Same for other calendars.

    The one monkey wrench in this is astronomical dates. There are known dates of some events such as eclipses that would have to me mapped to the new calendar but -5,000HE is not that much different from 15,000BC/BCE. The addition of a Year Zero helps in calculations.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.10.1″ color=”#ffffff” height=”6px” /][et_pb_text admin_label=”Closing text” _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    I can’t help but to be an engineer whose job is to “fix things.” Here’s a fix for something that you never knew was broken.

    Now get off my lawn.

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.10.1″ color=”#ffffff” height=”6px” /][et_pb_text admin_label=”Footnotes” _builder_version=”3.10.1″]

    1. Nothing special about him. Pick any other person born BC died AD.
    2. Like April 2, 2842 BC or something.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

  • Tuesday Morning Links

    Halep is bounced, Venus and Serena both advance, Mourinho demands respect (after getting demolished) and we are only a few days away from some serious college football. That’s the state of the sports world these days. Unless you’re concerned with overpaying a prima donna receiver who isn’t half the player Rice, Carter or Moss (fine, or Belitnekoff for the old people here)  were. But the Mara family isn’t exactly known for their shrewd roster moves lately.  Have fun watching that investment blow up in your faces, Giants fans.

    Go team, go!

    A small slate of baseball games yesterday had the White Sox beating the Yankees, the Orioles beating the Blue Jays by a touchdown, the Nationals getting to .500 with a win over Philly, the Cubs topping the Mets, the Giants shutting out the D-backs, the Rockies falling to the Angels and the world champion Houston Astros getting some big action in the 8th to handle the Athletics and give themselves the slightest bit of breathing room. Full slate of games today, but nary a day game which is a shame.

    Luminaries that were born on this date include: German philosopher Goethe, golden age cartoonist Jack Kirby, Canadian PM Paul Martin, drummer Daniel Seraphine, rocker Hugh Cornwell, underrated actor Luis Guzman, Chinese activist Ai Weiwei, Canadian singer Shania Twain, actor Jason Priestly, frog hockey player Pierre Turgeon, actor Jack Black, diversity hire Sheryl Sandberg, and singer LeAnn Rimes.

    A brilliant and compassionate man…that our government spied on.

    Its also the date on which Henry Hudson discovered Delaware Bay, the first American-built locomotive lost a race with a horse-drawn carriage, Wagner’s “Lohengrin” premiered, overrated British soldier Montgomery became the commander of the 3rd Infantry Division, Martin Luther King delivered his iconic “I have a dream” speech, the first Subway (“sandwich” shop”) opened, Israeli PM Menachem Begin announced his resignation, Mike Schmidt passed Ted Williams and Willie McCovey with 522 homers (but still wasn’t near the hitter Williams was), and Mitt Romney (then a woman-hating racist shitbag but now a statesman throwback to a better time for the GOP according to Team Blue) won the GOP presidential nomination.

    OK, with the exception of a few events, this date seems to have sucked.  Oh well, on to…the links!

    Crazy eyes are all the rage on the modern left.

    After cutting his teeth on the basics of grifting and self-promotion, the kid is moving on to the extortion game.  Pretty bold step. I see a political future for him.

    Lanny Davis humiliates CNN for printing single-anonymously-sourced bullshit. Unsurprisingly, CNN are still maintaining that the story is legitimate.

    I can’t possibly think of a better way to show your seriousness about extravagance and generally being out of touch with your parishioners. Way to go, Catholic Church. You really don’t give a shit anymore, do you?

    I can’t tell if Roger Stone is serious or if he’s trying to jump on the gofundme bandwagon and set himself up with a nest egg. I don know he’s probably correct in guessing at Mueller’s strategy and motives though.

    If its gonna make salmon cheaper, please drag your dead baby 2000 miles next time.

    I hope more restaurants in the PNW take this serious step. Why? Because then with the supply flat and the demand lower, it’ll be cheaper for the rest of the world to enjoy one of the nautical world’s treats.

    Hey Chicago, I’ve got a novel idea: let people open and concealed carry and these kind of things will be much less likely. Lol, just kidding. They’ll still happen as long as Indiana is so close. Note: this is not reportedly happening in Indiana.)

    Sounds like people should have been doing a better job of knowing where their young kids were. I hope this asshole cooks if he’s guilty, but it brings a bigger point up: why do dumbass parents let their 13 year old daughter hang out alone with a grown man? Once practice or school are over, then its time to go home, sorry.  Also, he’s on leave with pay…on the Massholia taxpayer’s dime.

    Man doesn’t get pony. Quits. Au revoir, grifter. Oh, by the way, the USA has cut more greenhouse gases as a percentage than any other nation…but we’re doing nothing.

    I don’t know much country, so I’m gonna go with this band today even though I’m not what you’d call a fan of theirs.

    Now go out there and make the most of this day, friends.

  • For the love of cheese

    I. Love. Cheese.

    It’s the hardest part about being vegan. I don’t really miss butter. I don’t miss milk. Sometimes I miss some half and half in my coffee, but that’s rare.

    What I do miss is cheese in all its cheesy goodness.

    It’s important to let go of your expectations of cheese when trying to be vegan. There are some really good vegan cheeses out there that taste like cheese, but if you expect it to act like cheese and behave like cheese, you’re probably going to be disappointed, so don’t go expecting to make a really good cheesy pizza (though if you figure it out, let me know).

    With these vegan cheese recipes a lot of dishes are back on the menu.

    But before I get into the recipes, here is a pantry list for you of commonly used ingredients you should have on hand:

    You’ll also need a food processor and cheesecloth for some of these.

    And now for the recipes:

    1. Aged Camembert Cheese
    2. Blue Cheese
    3. Cheddar
    4. Cream Cheese
    5. Feta
    6. Mozzarella 
    7. Parm
    8. Queso
    9. Ricotta

    Do you have a great vegan cheese recipe to add to this list (she asks doubtfully)? Drop it in the comments.

    Or  don’t.

    See if I care.

  • Monday Afternoon Links of No Particular Thing

    So Friday was pretty shitty, like literally, there was a lot of poop to clean up, but young master Theodore was a quick study after all. I cleaned up no poop this weekend, and all of the accidents were edge cases — a long nap, pissed himself trying to get his pants down at the toilet (which, he’ll do again drunk at some point if he has my genetic predisposition and indulges). We declared victory and sent him to school in underwear. I think it saves us $50/month at daycare if he’s able to use the bathroom. Also, its weird how different two kids from the same parents (they at least both look like me and I saw they came from the same place) can be. The older one still expects that the toilet will attack him at any given time and wants someone to watch him go. The younger one already has no fear of the toilet, just wants total privacy and wants to get this wiping the ass thing down so we’ll leave him alone. I know which one is going to be ready to move out at 16.

    So on to the links.

    Trump continues to do things like this: White House flag returns to full-staff. Its not like we lost a former President or something. Still waiting to see if he sends Pence to the funeral. Me and Tooch at TOS agree on this one. The sooner everyone realizes there’s nothing honorable about all this governing stuff, the better. Although I think my favorite part is how taken-aback all the news services are. “OMG! Trump isn’t sucking McCain’s dick! Doesn’t he know that’s what you do?!”

    Apparently, New York’s Bravest get that way by having other firefighters rub their balls on your face on your first day. I had several friends in Houston who were firefighters, and yes, they were all giant men-children unless there was an emergency. I just can’t imagine why I’d want to put my nutsack on another guy. That’s more like homoerotic wish-fulfillment rather than hazing.

    Here’s FDNY doing something a little more productive with their time, putting out a propane fire on Liberty Island.

    YCombinator becomes the latest group to throw money at the “Targeted Income Subsidies” studies to try to simulate Universal Basic Income. Why anyone would try this in Oakland… I have no idea. I like the YC guys. I think they do good work helping people become tech entrepreneurs. I think this is going to be a loss for them.

    Iran claims control of Persian Gulf. I hope the Saudis can still compete on oil price if they have to pay baksheesh to the Persians. And I also hope the US Navy doesn’t feel the need to do anything about this.

     

    I think some people are starting new schools this week.

     

  • The Problem with Aggregation, Part 1 of an.. Aggregation

    “I am not a number!  I am a free man!” So begins one of the filler songs on one of the top 5 metal albums of all time.  But I come here today not to extol the virtues Bruce Dickinson or to ruminate on the fact that galloping bass-lines are best bass lines.

    No, today I’m here for something much more interesting – Math!

    Let’s take a look at second grade arithmetic.  Here’s a refresher on the equivalence properties of equality:

    • The Reflexive Property tells us that an A is (equal to) an A.  Oh, now I’m sad again.
    • The Symmetric Property tells us that if A is equal to B, then B is equal to A.
    • The Transitive Property tells us that if A equals B, and B equals C, then A equals C.

    Pretty straight forward, and if you want to do arithmetic or algebra, these are the rules that let you do it.  But there are a lot of assumptions built into. For example, you can expand the Transitive Property of Equality to generate the Transitive Property of Inequalities, such that if A is less than B and B is less than C, A is less than C.

    And that is useful and intuitive too.  You can do some nice arithmetic and algebra with that too.  But like both my graduate-level math classes and my collected works of HP Lovecraft reminded us, there is more to this universe than nice reasonable Euclidean space.

    Take football.  If Directional State beat Poly A&M last week, and Poly A&M beats Costal U this week, stands to reason Costal U has no hope against Directional State next week, right?  After all, if DS > P A&M and P A&M > CU, so we know DS > CU. Just stands to reason, Transitive Property and wot not. All us learned gentlemen can see this.

    And a any sports fan knows… That’s not the way it works.  CU beats DS in, what, 35% of the games under this scenario?

    It’s almost like you can’t apply the Transitive Property to a model when in reality it doesn’t apply. You can’t just apply theoretical rules, you have to look at the real universe and see if they apply before you can incorporate them into your model.

    So let’s move to another domain and see if all the rules of basic arithmetic apply.  A man, a woman, and their kid are going backpacking. Weight is the limiting factor, they can walk until any one of them is worn out.  In a universe that is perfectly fair, but stupid, they all would carry the same load. In the real world, the kid would carry a day of food, a day of water, and emergency supplies.  The woman would carry a bit more, and the man would carry the most. They then hike farther than in the stupid and fair world. Thus, the transitive property holds true in this model.

    Here’s my first assertion for this series of articles: Assuming arithmetical property where they don’t actually exist in humanity is the root of most evil these days.

    One place that it shows up* is in macroeconomics.  Specifically, I’m thinking of the study of optimal tax policy.  This is the study of how to structure taxes to maximize utility.  Assuming arguendo that taxes will be a thing, how do you structure them so that the most good / least bad is done by them.  There’s a lot of math, behavior economics, etc that goes into these analysis.  And there are some beautiful curves telling you how to structure a tax policy.

    And they are always wrong.

    No galloping bass-lines here. Move along.

    They all boil down to how much can I rob Peter to pay Paul.  If a tax structure results in Peter having -3 happy points and Paul getting +5 happy points, that’s a net of +2 happy points.  So that’s a winner right? (I’m going to call “happy points” by their common made up name, utils.)

    No.  There is no +2 utils floating around as the product of aggregation.  There isn’t Peter+0 and Paul+2.  There is only Peter-3 and Paul+5. This leaves a pissed off Peter and a Paul who is going to get trained in the fine art of rent seeking.  Take it too far, and the Peters revolt. Take it too far the other way, and Paul becomes a parasite on society. Keep it right in the middle, and you can divide and conquer Peter and Paul for their votes.

    Why does aggregation work for the backpackers and not for the taxpayers?  Distance. Emotional distance, to be precise.

    The backpackers are a family, but that was just an excuse to use a kid in the example.  They could be a group of friends out for vacation, or a firm out to find gold in them thar hills.  Human nature says that those we care about are those closest to us. Its

    Adam Smith was probably into galloping bass-lines too, but we’ll never know.

    normal for you to care about yourself.  Adam Smith has a great example about a man in Europe facing the loss of his finger and hearing about an earthquake in China.  Which one does he care about more?  The finger, even though he would know that that’s nothing compared to hundreds of deaths.  It sounds cruel and heartless, but that’s just utopian thinking. In the real world, we all can identify with this idea. The closer you are to someone else, the more you care about them.

    You might even care enough to take on their burden to make their life easier.  In the real world, a parent would pay -3 utils to see their kid get +5 utils. The transitive property works because there is an emotional bond there.

    But there are 300 million people in America.  Any random American can only have a personal relationship with maybe a few dozen of them.  Any system that assumes the aggregation utils among all Americans is going to be a cock up.

    So ok, there’s one mathematical model with this flaw.  Hardly the root of all evil. Well, step out of the math and into the real world.  Race. Class. Religion. Political Party. These are all aggregation techniques. On rare occasions they are useful mental shortcuts.  In most cases, they just erase the individual in your mind and replace them with a cardboard cutout called up from your own mental Hollywood. All cops are violent. All Southerners are racists.  All progressives are stupid. All intellectuals are out of touch and dangerous.

    These are common errors in thinking.  And they are the root of all major humanitarian disasters of the last century.  Except it was all blacks being violent, let’s roll out the drug war. All reactionaries are racists, let’s roll them off to the gulag.  All low-income female workers are stupid, let’s sterilize them. All intellectuals are a danger, let’s hunt them down.  The pattern repeats itself, and as we’ve seen, this pattern is dangerous.  Any pattern that could lead to genocide, mass sterilization, or the drug war should be cut off before it can get anywhere near this scale of disaster.

    So I hope here to have laid out a case that aggregation doesn’t apply on the large scale.  But for individuals, they can have it apply to themselves and their small circle.  This error is complex, but it reaches into some of the worst events in living memory. In the next article, I’ll discuss how a person could harness this insight to make themselves a better person.  And in a twist that I’m sure would make all of you Jordan Peterson fans with clean rooms interested, this technique doesn’t require any change from anyone but yourself.

  • Monday Morning Links

    Before I give the scores from the weekend, I want to make a note here. I am not a fan of hie on-course antics and I don’t think he’s as good as Jack or Bobby Jones career-wise. But Tiger Woods understands how to answer a question about political figures. If only a lot more athletes, actors and entertainers felt this way, more people would enjoy their work without all the fucking social signaling and pandering that’s been deemed necessary by the mob.

    Now on to scores: Of course ManUre plays Spurs this afternoon. Your other winners this weekend were: Arsenal (who finally have some points, lol), Leicester, Liverpool (who assumed the perch at the top of the PL table), Watford (who are level with Liverpool on points), Fulham, and Chelski (also level on points), draws for  Everton-Bournemouth, Huddersfield-Cardiff, and Wolves-Man City.  Yeah, that’s right…they drew with Wolverhampton.  Also of note, during one of the matches, the advertisement boards around the field said “VISIT RWANDA”.  Um, I don’t know who decided that was a good use of their money, but I’m not sure they should be keeping their job.

    MLB winners yesterday were: Philly, Chicago (AL), Washington, who beat the Mets 15-0-ouch!, Atlanta, Tampa, Oakland, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Chicago (NL), St Louis, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York (AL), Arizona and the world champion Houston Astros. 5 weeks left in the season and there are some good races going on. Enjoy.  Also, US Open starts today. Enjoy that, tennis fans.

    Dirty man’s birthday

    Today we celebrate the birth of: Chemist Carl Bosch, automaker Charles Rolls, killer Ed Gein, mass-murderer Lyndon Baines Johnson, writer Ira Levin, jazzman Sonny Shamrock, the lovely Tuesday Weld, Bond girl Barbara Bach, fan-of-the-movies Pee-wee Herman, guitarist Alex Lifeson, ageless golfer Bernhard Langer, bassist Glen Matlock, designer Tom Ford, and flamboyant dog trainer Cesar Millan.

    Its also the date on which: Napoleon defeated the Austrians at Dresden, Uruguay gained her independence, Mt Krakatoa erupted and killed 40,000, the shortest war in history took place with Britain defeating Zanzibar in 38 minutes, Christy Mathewson resigns as Reds manager to take Army commission in chemical warfare, the last Shah takes the throne in Iran, “Roman Holiday” hit the silver screen, the first “Guinness Book Of World Records” hit the shelves, Rickey Henderson broke the season steals record (1982), Moldova declared independence, and Barack Obama became the first black person to ever be nominated for President by a major party.

    The historical events were mostly a bunch of “meh” today. But let’s see about…the links!

    Who knew having kids could be such a pain in the ass. I mean, I know a lot of people who feel this way, albeit for different reasons.

    He will spend more time in the Capitol after he died than he has for the last six months

    The march to lionize John McCain continues apace, after it is announced he will lie in state in both Arizona and Washington DC. There are even talks of having his wife, a beer heiress who has never run for office, assume his seat.  You know, because the voice of the people doesn’t matter a fucking bit.

    Meanwhile, Trump gets it right and people are flipping the fuck out. Well, he got it half-right. But I don’t think a statement saying “he was a war-mongering sociopath and bad pilot with a God complex and an outsized sense of self-worth” would have been appropriate (albeit correct) thing to say. At least not for a couple weeks anyway…after his “McCain Death Tour 2018” ends in Arlington.

    Some psychopath shot up a video game tournament in a gun-free zone in Jacksonville, Florida yesterday. He killed two people and wounded 7 others. David Hogg and the rest of the anti-gun mob were quick to blame everybody…except the shooter.

    Lanny Davis, Michael Cohen’s personal attorney, has backed away from claims that he earlier made when he said Donald Trump was aware of the reasons for there Trump Tower meeting between Russian nationals (who were curiously given a visa for no apparent reason by the AG or someone in her inner circle) and Trump’s son.

    Side note of hilarity: CNN are saying they stand behind the story even though Davis was the sole source for it.

    Ah, Chicago. Where else is it acceptable for a mayoral candidate to publicly attempt to buy votes? I mean, I guess there are other places. But they’re usually consider tin-pot dictators-……oh, ooooooooh! I get it now.

    Posted without comment

    Pope Francis has finally found a subject he doesn’t have a hot take on. Big surprise there.  I’ve seen a lot of people calling for his resignation and saying the Church needs a new pope. I’m starting to think they need a very real reformation.

    As North Carolina legislators try to claw back some of their power, the governor bristles. If only our federal elected officials would have preserved some of their rights and responsibilities over the last 100 years, we wouldn’t have agencies running amok.

    A three track extravaganza today! And we’re gonna move backwards… First, an ode to suburban sprawl. An underplayed second track. And the links (obviously) end with this track.

    Enjoy the day, friends.

  • SEA SMITH SUNDAY EVENING LINKS…AND JOKES.

    SEA SMITH NO CAN FIND BORSCHT BELT.

    SEA SMITH DECIDE SINCE HE JEWISH COMIC, HE GO WORK BORSCHT BELT. BUT FIND OUT NOT THERE ANYMORE. OF COURSE, THE “JEWISH ALPS” NO GOOD FOR SEA SMITH…NEED BORSCHT LAKE, OR JEWISH OCEAN! SO HE TELL JOKES TO FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE INSTEAD:

    WHAT PACIFIC OCEAN SAY TO ATLANTIC OCEAN?… NOTHING, JUST WAVED!

    WHAT JAMES BOND MOVIE BLUE WHALE LIKE MOST?… LICENSE TO KRILL!

    WHERE SEAWEED LOOK FOR JOB?… IN KELP WANTED ADS!

    SEA SMITH BEST AT JOKES! IT PART OF HERITAGE. KNOW WHAT ELSE SEA SMITH GOOD AT? LINKS! HE GIVE LINKS TO FUNNY LAND HOOMANS:

    • SEA SMITH FIND IRONY STORY. SAD, BUT IT GOOD EXAMPLE OF IRONY. SEA SMITH NOT OFTEN FIND IRONY IN OCEAN….IT RUST! HAHAHAHA!
    • IS WORLD END SOON? SEA SMITH THINK SO WHEN HE READ “FRENCH TARGET WELFARE SPENDING”. THINK TIME TO MAKE UNDERSEA BUNKER.
    • THIS MAKE SEA SMITH HAPPY. MOAR SWIMMING IS GOOD. ISIS LUCKY SEA SMITH NO REACH THEM. HE SCOLD THEM FOR NO LET SWIM. BY SCOLD, MEAN RAPE.
    • THIS SO FLORIDA MAN. WAIT, THIS ONE OF FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS???

    SEA SMITH SAY, COME ON IN, WATER FINE!

  • Bacon Two Ways, Part Due – Pancetta

    Last time I went through the steps to turn simple pork belly into yummy smoked bacon. This week, we wander over to Italy to discuss another delicious form of “bacon”, Pancetta.

    The primary difference between the two is that Pancetta is not smoked, but it is aged to reduce water content and to allow flavors and texture to develop. It actually belongs in the charcuterie family. In the beginning though, the two are actually treated pretty much the same way, with the primary difference being the use of Cure #2 instead of Cure #1 in this application. As we discussed last week, Sodium Nitrate(Cure #2), is basically a time release form of Sodium Nitrite(Cure #1), in that as it breaks down over time, it converts from one to the other. This allows the meat to sit at higher than refrigerator temperatures for an extended period of time while minimizing the fear of botulism. It is also very important that everything, including your hands, be squeaky clean when working with charcuterie.

    On to the recipe. The recipe I’m using here is from Stanley Marianski, author of a number of cookbooks on meat and pretty much the go to for sausages and charcuterie in general. This recipe is from his website. It’s easy to get lost in a deep dive there.

    Because every cut of meat differs in weight, ingredients are typically measured in a percentage of the weight of the meat. For this particular batch, this is what went into it.

    1950gm(100%) Pork belly
    47gm(2.4%) Kosher salt
    5gm(.26%) Cure #2
    21.5gm(1.1%) Brown sugar
    37gm(1.9%) Black pepper
    8.4gm(.43%) Juniper berries
    1.36gm(.07%) Bay leaves
    3.7gm(.19%) Nutmeg
    2.34gm(.12%) Dry thyme
    4 cloves Garlic, minced

    Mix salt, sugar and Cure #2 together. Grind all the herbs and spices and mix them, along with the garlic, into the cure mixture. Make sure it’s mixed evenly.

    Wash and dry the pork belly. Evenly distribute the mixture over both sides of the belly and the sides. Place in a 2 gallon zip lock bag, or into a vacuum bag big enough to handle the belly. Add any cure and spice mixture that did not adhere to the meat and seal.

    Like the bacon, flip and massage the belly in the bag every couple of days. It will exude liquid initially, and then reabsorb it. We’re going to let this cure in the fridge for 14 days. At that point, remove from the bag, rinse and dry. Slice off a small piece and taste to see how the flavors are. Because we used Cure #2, the Pancetta is fully cured and does not have to be cooked before consuming. You can fry it, if you prefer.

    At this point, we’re ready to tie it up. If you like, you can sprinkle the fat side with some black pepper. Place the belly skin side down with a piece of butcher twine(heavy string) centered and long enough to tie around the rolled belly. Roll the meat into a tight roll, you do not want any air pockets in the middle. You want the belly really dry, otherwise getting a purchase can be a pain. Tie the string tightly around the roll using a double overhand knot. Another pair of hands can also come in handy here. At this point, you are going to tie a string ever inch or so moving from the middle to the ends, taking care to keep the belly rolled tightly. You want to know the best part? You can skip this step all together and leave it flat. I don’t but you can. You would just be making Pancetta Tesa instead of Pancetta Arrotolata.

    Now for ageing. The ideal conditions are 50-70 degrees Fahrenheit and 50-70% humidity. If you are fortunate enough to have a basement, or some other place with those conditions, you win! If not, many people build a curing chamber. I don’t have one, so I have found another method that allows me to age in the refrigerator. I give you: UMAi Dry Bag

    UMAi dry bags are da bomb. The bags are a one way, semi-permeable membrane, which allows moisture out but not in. They are designed to be used in the refrigerator, and the normal air circulation that comes from opening the door is enough. I’ve used them in a number of different applications and am pretty pleased with the results. Until I have a place to put a curing chamber, these work quite well for me.

    Weigh the cured meat and write it down. If you’re going to hang it outside of a curing chamber, wrap it lightly in a cloth and tie some string around it and hang it in your chosen spot. If you’re using an UMAi bag, follow the directions that come with the bags and place on a rack in the fridge. What we’re shooting for here is 30-33% weight loss. The downside with the UMAi bags is that it tends to take longer to achieve that goal. Hanging the Pancetta will get you there in several weeks, UMAi can take 6-8 weeks. When it’s done, the Pancetta should be firm. Smell it to make sure it hasn’t developed any off odors. If it does, there’s a possibility that spoiling has occurred and it’s not worth the risk. If handled and processed properly, there should be a very low risk of this happening.

    Time to slice! I typically shoot for 3/8″ thick. Because there are only two of us, I vacuum seal two slices per package and throw it in the deep freeze. Because this is fully cured and can be eaten raw, I also slice some paper thin for charcuterie plates.

    Like smoked bacon, I use Pancetta mostly as an ingredient in something else. Diced Pancetta cooked into any type of greens adds great flavor to the dish, along with the complex flavor when you chew a piece. If you have thinner slices, you can also use it in place of bacon in a BLT. Soups. The options are endless.

    Enjoy!

  • I Fucking Love Astrology: The Horoscope for the Week of August 26

    Pretty good week, just like the stars said.  Lots of work to do, lots of work got done.  Except some mirrors I ordered on the 11th which broke during shipment on the 13th, re-ordered on the 15th… still aren’t here.  Today they gave me some UPS tracking numbers which don’t actually correspond to anything.

    Anyway, what’s up? (Get it?)

    Bupkis.

    MERCURY RETROGRADE is over.  No alignments.

    But… things are starting to shift back to more harmonious conditions.  In addition to Mercury having gone station direct, Mars has done so as well.  The early part of a transition is especially auspicious so with Mars being in Capricorn, those of you who are competitive will not only win, but win money in your competitions.  If you’ve been putting off a haircut, this is now a good time to get one.  I’ll probably get one on Sunday.  Venus in Libra brings success in juggling both your primary partner and your side piece(s).  Leo gets good news, the weather will be hot.  Good yields from gardening (Capricorn has that Mars transition mentioned before, but it’s conjoined with Saturn (retrograde) so “bounty unending.”  Low probability of stings when you’re working in the garden, thanks to Jupiter controlling Scorpio.

    There is a major water-influence going on with the Moon in Aquarius.  Expect something big happening with the ocean.  Good surfing?  Floods?  Hard to say.

    Remember: quiet stars mean happy people.

    Apropos of absolutely nothing, unless you want to talk about those covers which are better than the original, and maybe get OMWC to tell the story about how he once had a Four-way with the Andrews Sisters:

     

     

  • Sunday Morning It’s a New Day Links

    Mistah Kurtz, he dead. A penny for the Old Guy.

    This is the way the world ends

    This is the way the world ends

    This is the way the world ends

    Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

    I was going to do the obvious Shakespeare parody, but Swiss beat me to it last night. But before we rejoice in a death, let’s look at life and what today really means. It is the birthday of transformative inventor Lee deForest, thieving fanatical Albanian dwarf Mother Teresa, and true-gift-to-humanity Albert Sabin.

    I’m not sure which was worse: the halftime tribute to McCain during the football game that never mentioned the word “Keating,” nor his disgusting personal life, nor his consistent war-mongering, nor his self-serving utter disregard for the constitution, OR the fawning encomiums from the networks and major news outlets who were branding him a racist and a Nazi when he had the temerity to run against The Lightbringer in 2008 but are suddenly his biggest fans because he hated Trump, so all is now forgiven. I won’t bother to link to a story here, you’re likely inundated with them. Oh fuck, sure I will.

    American politics was badly out of balance during Mr. McCain’s final years, and while he angered some and made his share of mistakes, he accomplished as much as any politician of his time toward restoring some sense of equilibrium — and of truth, honor and integrity — to the governing of a nation that he served well and courageously in war and in peace. He became a dominant figure in the Senate through willpower, persistence and determination, because he commanded the respect due one who has sacrificed much for his country, and because, more often than most these days, he knew what he believed and stuck to it.

    Truth, honor, and integrity? I couldn’t even have written this as parody. Anyone care to defend this despicable and thoroughly corrupt piece of shit who has finally shuffled off the stage?

    And while on the subject of pieces of shit, let’s look in on the lawsuit between Tavis Smiley and PBS:

    Smiley also sought information related to PBS’ decision to cancel his show. He contends the sexual misconduct allegations were a smokescreen and claims the network is “racially hostile.” In denying the motion, [Judge] Epstein also denied Smiley’s request to file a 145-page memorandum in support of his motion to compel. Epstein criticized the filing as “mind-numbing” in its repetition and full of “wholly unnecessary” details, such as where Smiley got his undergraduate degree.

    I have an image in my head of PBS executives in KKK hoods.

    Wasn’t this a Talking Heads song?

    US cops described Mr Brosnan as “gleeful” when they found him leaning against his car watching the house burn down on Linden Avenue in Swampscott. The father-of-two branded one officer a “buzzkill” for blocking his view of the blaze, reports the Boston Herald. Additionally, a firefighter had to to stop the Irishman from lighting a cigarette and reported that he stank of petrol fumes.

    I’m sure there was no alcohol involved.

    Vegans, Frenchmen with guns, what could possibly go wrong?

    The French town of Calais has been no stranger to public disorder in recent years, with recurrent battles between police and migrants or striking ferry workers making headlines across the world. But now the port town is facing a bizarre new threat, according to its council: an alliance of hunters and farmers seeking to take revenge on vegans bent on turning the largely carnivorous French off meat.

    I cannot have respect for anyone in France who won’t eat cheese.

    This is even better than tulip bulbs and wooden shoes.

    For the first time it has been calculated what is earned in the Netherlands on synthetic drugs. According to the researchers, 18.9 billion is a conservative estimate. The amount is probably significantly higher. This amount, higher than the annual turnover of companies such as Philips and Albert Heijn, can be regarded as the contribution of Dutch synthetic drug criminals to the illegal world economy.

    I note that this amount is also more than double the Dutch defense budget. Maybe their priorities are better than ours.

    There really is no other choice for today’s Old Guy music.