SEA SMITH STOP BY, SAY HI. NOT SEE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN HOOMANS FOR WHILE. SEA SMITH HAVING GOOD TIME SORTING OUT FLOOD DEBRIS AFTER HURRICANES. THINK HE HAVE ENOUGH TO EQUIP NEW DINING ROOM. IF ANY THINGS BELONG GLIBERTARIAN HOOMANS, LET SEA SMITH KNOW. HE GIVE COMPENSATION. BY COMPENSATION, MEAN RAPE.
BUT NOW GET LINKS!
SEA SMITH SAY “BE CAREFUL” TO GLIBS IN GULF. NO WANT THEM HURT.
KITTEH NO LIKE WET. HE CLAW ANYONE, EVEN HOOMAN WHO TRY HELP. SEA SMITH SHAKE FINNED HEAD.
SEA SMITH HAS CONFUSE. HE HEAR SOCIALISM MEDICINE ALL FOR EVERYONE. HOW THIS HAPPEN? MAYBE THEM “WRECKERS”?
SEA SMITH LAUGH. MAYBE SEE “TRUMP OF TROPICS”. WAIT FOR VOTE, BUT LOOK LIKELY.
When one has sourdough starter, one is obligated to use it regularly. I am one of those people who can’t stand to throw out the discard when I feed it, and, happily, with this recipe, I don’t have to.
1. Some recipes will tell you that you do not need to do an alkali bath. They are wrong. It is crucial to getting the outside texture and color right. DO NOT SKIP IT.
Usually, I use a simple homemade concentrated baking soda (which I also use when making bagels), but this time I didn’t realize I was out until time to add to the pot of water. Oops. So, regular baking soda will definitely do in a pinch. You’ll lose some of the deep mahogany color, but that’s OK! I can assure you that the pretzels will still be pretty and taste fabulous.
2. Many bakers, including Peter Reinhart, will tell you that you don’t need to do a boiling water bath for the alkali dip. When I was first learning to bake, I was taught to do the boiling water thing, so I still do. YMMV. Experiment! Whether doing boiling water or room temp, using a “spider” skimmer when removing the pretzels will minimize the amount of residual water you add to the baking sheet.
3. I like to weigh all my ingredients for baking, instead of using a volume measure. (I use this scale.) However, since many people lack a kitchen scale, I’ve written the recipe out in volume approximates. You may need to adjust as you go.
4. You are going to want to dive into these immediately upon removing them from the oven, but you really need to wait 3-5 minutes so as to not scorch the roof of your mouth. Use the time to portion out some mustards or other dipping sauces, and take photos for your social media or to share here.
5. You can certainly serve these with cheese sauce. I use my regular queso recipe, but any would work.
6. These are obviously great with beer, if you’re into that kind of thing (I’m not). I prefer to pair with a margarita if serving with my queso, which is quite spicy.
SP's Sourdough Soft Pretzels
Super simple, super scrumptious.
For pretzels
3/4 cup warm water
1 cup sourdough starter (either unfed or fed will work)
3-1/4 cups unbleached bread flour ((approximate))
1/2 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp salt
2 tsp instant yeast
whole wheat flour, as needed (optional)
coarse salt for sprinkling on pretzels before baking
For alkali bath
1/2 cup baking soda
4 cups water
For the dough
Mix water, sourdough starter, flour, sugar, olive oil, salt and instant yeast in a medium bowl until well combined. If the dough is too wet to knead, mix in whole wheat flour until a kneadable dough is formed. This will vary based on how liquid your sourdough starter is. I usually add about 1/3 cup whole wheat flour at this point.
Knead the dough until it comes together in a smooth, slightly tacky ball.
Place the dough ball in an oiled bowl and cover. Allow the dough to rest until puffy, about an hour. It doesn’t need to double, but it’s fine if it does.
Shape the pretzels
Preheat the oven to 425F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat. Set aside.
Deflate dough and divide into 8 uniform balls.
On a floured surface, shape each dough ball into a long rope, at least 18 inches long. The final shape and size of your pretzels will depend on this step. Make the rope longer and thinner for a more open pretzel form.
Form a large U shape with one dough rope, with the open part of the U facing away from you. Cross one end of the rope over the other, forming an X at the top center of the open space with about 3 inches of extra rope at the ends. Twist the ends around each other once more, and bring the ends toward you to rest on the curved section of dough that is closest to your body. Press the ends onto the dough. (See linked video above for shaping help if needed.)
Gently lift your formed pretzel and place on the lined baking sheet.
Repeat until all pretzels have been formed.
Bake and serve
Place 4 cups water in a sauce pan and add the baking soda. Mix until thoroughly dissolved. Bring the water to a boil.
Working one at a time, gently lift a formed pretzel and place in the boiling water. Boil the pretzel for 15 seconds. Turn over and continue boiling for another 15 seconds. Lift the pretzel out of the water using a skimmer and place it back on the baking sheet.
Repeat until all pretzels have been boiled.
Sprinkle the pretzels with coarse salt to taste.
Bake pretzels until deep brown, approximately 16 minutes. Remove from oven and place on a rack to cool for 5 minutes.
Serve with a variety of mustards and dipping sauces, or cheese sauce.
So, there’s a good news/bad new thing going on in the sky. It’s a situation when the signs are saying different things, so you have to know which sign applies to whom. There is some really bad news going on in Scorpio but there is some stellar protection against it.
That protection comes from a couple of alignments. Most importantly, we are aligned with Venus and Jupiter. So this means you’ll be able to keep your house in order, and your domestic bliss won’t be any more troubled than whatever your default situations is. The other also has to do with Jupiter, this time in alignment with the Sun and Mercury. So again, lots of positive for domesticity, and good news for rulers.
Nothing but good news (literally, Mercury is acting as the messenger here with the Sun) for Librans. However, Libra is a bit selfish, and keeping all that good news contained for itself.
The moon is in Virgo, so expect emotional instability
So Scorpio is the sign that rules the fun bits. And in Scorpio this week is Venus, the planet of love and sexuality. Good combo, right? Wrong. Because Venus has gone retrograde. Now the rest of us are shielded by that pulse of anti-sex force, but those of you who are actually born into Scorpio are going to catch the full force of it, resulting in a dry spell that should last until… nearly November without other intervention.
After much drama, rending of clothes, high fiving, screaming, crying, cheering, and all around idiocy, we have a new Supreme Court justice, after successfully avoiding any actual rational discussion by our elected chimps of his statist jurisprudence and why he might not be a good choice on substantive grounds. Well done, Team Blue, you’ve managed once again to drown out useful debate with social signaling and culture wars. And while you’re at it, the two-three mailers a day like the above one that I’ve been getting from you for our local election have been effective in swaying me from, “Meh, don’t care, I’ll likely abstain,” to, “Fuck you guys, I’m voting for Idstein, whoever the hell he is, but he’s not filling my mailbox with mendacious garbage.”
Not that I’m annoyed. But I’m annoyed. The only thing that will make me feel slightly better will be watching Baker Mayfield being welcomed to the NFL today by that kind and gentle soul, Terrell Suggs. And a recitation of key birthdays: Niels Bohr, whose Copenhagen interpretation muddied the quantum waters for decades, Del Lord, who directed the greatest comic trio of all time (do not argue with me), slimeball Catharine MacKinnon, and scam artist and all-around Jew-hater Elijah Muhammed and his spirit animal Heinrich Himmler.
On to the actual news.
To demonstrate that there’s at least one agency in DC that has yet to be cleaned up, the FDA took action to ban seven food additives in response to money-grubbing litigation-focused “public interest” groups armed with the pernicious Delaney Amendment.
The decision comes in response to a petition brought by environmental and consumer groups, including the Natural Resources Defense Council, the Center for Food Safety, and the Center for Science in the Public Interest. “We think this is a win for consumers,” says Erik Olson of the Natural Resources Defense Council.
The FDA had concluded that these flavoring compounds do not pose a health risk to consumers. “The synthetic flavoring substances that are the subject of this petition are typically used in foods available in the U.S. marketplace in very small amounts and their use results in very low levels of exposures and low risk,” concludes an FDA statement on the petition. “While the FDA’s recent exposure assessment of these substances does not indicate that they pose a risk to public health under the conditions of their intended use, the petitioners provided evidence that these substances caused cancer in animals who were exposed to much higher doses,” the FDA statement says.
The three named groups are the food and environmental lawyer equivalent of the SPLC. After interacting with them professionally in the past, I came away with an even more cynical attitude, something I thought impossible. When “public interest” related to “science” is driven by lawyers, it’s safe to default to a Bullshit! mode.
Romania is one of several Eastern European nations that already ban both same-sex marriage and same-sex unions in civil law. Now it’s trying to ban it in the constitution. The government is spending millions holding a two-day referendum this weekend so voters can approve the change. “Do you know what a traditional family is? It’s a man and a woman who are able to bear children,” declared Liviu Dragnea, the leader of the ruling Social Democrats, after he cast his vote on Saturday. “I have voted for what millions of Romanians have been demanding, for what I think defines us as a society and as a nation.”
I love that it’s “social democrats” leading this charge. Sigh. Maybe one day, someone rational will successfully convince people that marriage should not be subject to the whims of the State. One day. Maybe.
Will Vinton died this week. As a fan of great animation, I am saddened by this; Vinton’s work was not only great in its own right, but it inspired the next generation of claymation art. For those of you who only know him through dancing raining commercials, here’s an example of the greatness of his serious work. And another. And another…
“This sham trial and shameful verdict is a message to every law enforcement officer in America that it’s not the perpetrator in front of you that you need to worry about, it’s the political operatives stabbing you in the back,” the FOP said. “What cop would still want to be proactive fighting crime after this disgusting charade, and are law abiding citizens ready to pay the price?”
If “the price” means “cops being accountable and going to jail when they commit crimes,” yep. And as several commenters have pointed out, the cop who murdered Tamir Rice is back at work, looking for the next kid to gun down. Police abuse is, of course, another issue that Team Blue has completely fucked up, making sure that we’re distracted by racial social signaling instead of the real issues of immunity, union protections, and far too many goddamn laws.
A Florida police officer was arrested late Friday after state officials say he used his patrol car to sell drugs near an assisted living facility. “At the time of purchase, White was selling the drugs out of his marked patrol vehicle, while in uniform and was using his personal cellphone to facilitate the drug deals,” FDLE said in a statement.
I’m trying to imagine the brass balls of someone who would buy dope from a uniformed cop.
In Old Guy Music, I was listening to Swiss talk sadly about the dwindling numbers in his local VFW post. On the other hand, maybe that’s a good sign that we’ve been going in the right direction- foreign wars haven’t gone away (thanks Bush and Obama!), but they’re a lot smaller now. We can only hope they converge on zero. And that reminded me strongly of this wonderful song from a wonderful songwriter.
Lots of great content continues to be created on your behalf by your fellow Glib denizens. The best content. Classy content.
Along with your usual links served up by Sloopy (and a yet-to-be-designated pinch hitter on Monday), Brett L, OMWC, and an assortment of the ZARDOZ-SMITH FAMILY cabal, posts are coming your way from BakedPenguin, Not Adahn, SugarFree, Gadianton, PieInTheSky, Web Dom, UnCivilServant, mexican sharpshooter, CPRM, RC Dean, and Sensei. And I’ll have my sourdough soft pretzel recipe for you tomorrow.
trshmnstr and Mrs trshmnstr will whip you into shape on Wednesday, hopefully with no WordPress scheduling fail. Keep up those HIIT workouts, kids. I can see the difference in your collective physique already!
A programming note. Because we of the editorial team are notoriously bad planners, I didn’t warn you that my regular Wednesday night polls will be on hiatus until November so we can bring you SugarFree’s Subaru Horror Theatre, which will climax (phrasing!) on Halloween.
Alrighty then! On to everyone’s favorite Saturday Night Open Post. Have a great rest of your weekend, if you are so inclined. If not, fuck off, Tulpa!
*This image has nothing to do with anything, I just liked the way the information was presented. And, no, I’m not a geek. Why do you ask?
STEVE SMITH GLAD WEEK OVER. WHY RAPE GET SUCH BAD PRESS LAST WEEK? SILLY HOOMAN JUDGE DO NOTHING AND GET YELLED AT. STEVE SMITH DO MORE IN WEEK THAN SILLY HOOMANS CAN DO IN LIFETIME. BY DO, MEAN RAPE.
BUT THAT NO MATTER TO FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE…THEM WANT LINKS. THEM WANT LINKS NOW! SO HERE GO LINKS – ENJOY!
YOU NO MAKE FUN OF CLEVELAND FOOTBALL! THEM GET BETTER. SEE.
WONDER WHY STEVE SMITH SNEER AT AMATEURS? READ THIS. SEE?
STEVE SMITH LAUGH…YOU STOP MS13, BUT YOU NO STOP STEVE SMITH!
WAIT, WAIT! STEVE SMITH LIKE GAME…”YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WANT INDEPENDENCE FROM UK?”
Once again, I am going to search the comments and distill the ones most likely to be an effective writing prompt.
Which upon the dreaded realization that at the time it was August and they already had pumpkin beers out, you can probably appreciate my self-control for waiting until October to actually put this out for general consumption.
This is my review of Southern Tier Pumking Imperial Pumpkin Ale. H/T Bob Boberson
Of course, this also means that there were number of others things about October that people have little self-control in talking about—namely Halloween. Which means today we are going to discuss the top 7 libertarian Halloween costumes, because 7 makes sense.
#7 (slutty) Rape Apologist
This one is actually pretty easy to complete. Just dress up as a lawyer if you happen to be a unicorn female–bonus points for showing a little leg. If you happen to be a libertarian male, just wear what you are wearing anyway, and leave your pants open. The key for both is to simply demand hard evidence for everything, and in every conversation. For example, did somebody spike the punch? Demand evidence that it was spiked, or that there was even any punch to begin with.
#6 Rick Sanchez
I don’t know why Rick is libertarian, to be honest. I never watched the show, but I am willing to entertain any arguments as to why or why not.
#5 (slutty) Gender-Fluid Handmaidens Tale
Again, this is also a simple to costume to create. Get a red smock, a bonnet and grow a beard. Once again, bonus points for showing more leg than required.
#4 (Slutty and/or Gender-fluid) Ayn Rand
Objectively, this costume is superior to all the others, because it allows for a level of morality…okay I can’t do it. If you have the stomach for it, I WANT TO SEE IT. The downside, is everybody asking you why you are dressed like a peasant lady.
#3 Kochtopus
Amazon has plenty of octopus costumes for which you can wear, add top hat and monocle accordingly. However, you can take it to the next level by creating this lovely top hat with tentacles sticking out of the top. Simply add a monocle, some body paint, and you are golden.
Things will get real ugly
#2 Walt (Gran Torino)
Halloween means a bunch of kids are going to be running around your lawn; there is only one effective way to keep them off your lawn and that is a M-1 Garand from your days in Korea and explaining it to them you wish for them to get off your lawn. If you prefer to chase them down, a Colt M1911 A-1 to the face after tackling those damn kids, will also do the trick.
#1 Zombie John McCain
Too soon?
My friends, BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!
Its never too soon, Cowboy.
So is this beer any good? You will not like it if you are not down with pumpkin ales. I however, happen to enjoy and appreciate the history behind the pumpkin ale therefore I will likely purchase this one again. This one is intense in its alcohol content and does not apologize for anything, just like all of these costume ideas. I give Southern Tier Pumpking Imperial Pumpkin Ale a solid 4.5/5.
Moving slowly this morning after breaking my hip last night, stumbling around in an alcoholic daze. This will clearly disqualify me from being on the Supreme Court. However, my fingertips still work, so here’s links and snark for breakfast. Since I’m using the hair of the dog recovery method (because we have prodigious amounts of hair from the Wonder Dog all over the house), this post may get progressively more incoherent.
The best birthdays today are Ernest Walton, the physicist who not only split the nucleus, but was the co-inventor of the Cockroft-Walton voltage multiplier (a circuit I have used in many of my electronics projects), and Bruno Sammartino, the greatest wrestler ever. Don’t argue with me, you’re wrong.
The transformation of Whole Foods from progressive touchstone to Evil Empire has been a continuous source of amusement. Jeff Bezos is apparently less amused.
“DxE members have repeatedly entered our stores and property to conduct demonstrations that disrupt customers and team members by blocking access to our aisles, departments and cash registers, interfering with our business and putting the safety of both customers and team members at risk,” a Whole Foods representative said in a statement.
“We have been kicked out, we have had the police called on us, we have been ignored, and now there is [the Whole Foods] lawsuit,” said King, who was among those arrested on Saturday. “But Whole Foods just continues to escalate this rather than give us the answers to really simple questions.”
I always wonder where people who spend their time with this shit in ultra-expensive elite areas (in this case, Berkeley, where $3000 a month will get you a studio apartment in a crumbling building) get the money to support themselves. And since this protest is all about chicken rights, I am obligated to link this.
“Don’t let anyone fool you: If he decides to run, you will see a national infrastructure come together,” said the hotel magnate George Tsunis, an Obama megadonor. “In the past when he’s run, there has been a formidable primary opponent … If he chooses to run in 2020, he would be the Obama-Clinton-like candidate. I think people would feel his time is now, and I think a lot of the country would feel that we need a Joe Biden as president.”
Hat and Hair would be replaced by Tooth Caps and Hair Plugs.
In Chicago, protesters were all set for a “Not Guilty” verdict in the Jason Van Dyke trial. Imagine their disappointment when the murdering cop was found guilty, guilty, guilty. Well, no use letting that spoil the party, eh?
Demonstrators began peacefully protesting in downtown Chicago’s Loop area shortly after the verdict, chanting “Justice for Laquan, justice for all” and “The whole damn system is guilty as hell.” The crowds marched in the streets holding signs in support of Black Lives Matter and Laquan McDonald.
Scroll down for the photo of the protesters shutting down the street. Notice something interesting? Yeah, I did too.
And the next story also tickled me. Much as I virulently hate this guy’s politics, there’s no denying that Banksy is the real thing, a truly great artist. And here’s another example of why.
The ‘Girl with Balloon’ painting slid out of its frame, simultaneously shredding the canvas just as the final hammer signaled an end to the evening, according to international auction house Sotheby’s. It had sold for $1.4 million, matching a record for the artist first set in 2008.
The artist posted an image of the scene from the auction house on his Instagram account with the caption “Going, going, gone…”
A campaign sign in Central Texas this week drew the scorn of an elected state official — and then it was confiscated by police. “I’m glad that I called out this offensive campaign sign and am pleased that hundreds of others did so as well,” [Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller] said. “It’s vulgar and just plain wrong and it had no place in someone’s yard visible from the street.”
A nice reminder that Team Red is just as happy to fuck with citizens’ rights as Team Blue.
The sign, posted overnight at the restaurant on Brooklyn Boulevard, featured the N-word and a derogatory term for a prostitute. Officers saw the sign at about 7 a.m. and took it down. The department says the sign is low enough to the ground that just about anyone can reach it.
Nazis preparing to storm the town, no doubt. It always starts with Arby’s.
Inevitably, Old Guy Music. And what better than having a Jew play Irish music? If you had been out with SP and me last night, you would have ended up at a cocktail emporium where this amazingly versatile (((guy))) held forth on pennywhistle, flute, guitar, mandolin, and violin, all with equal (and impressive) facility and skill. Irish music interspersed with Jethro Tull covers. I love America.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING RECOVERED HIS… EQUILIBRIUM, ZARDOZ WILL ONCE AGAIN DEMONSTRATE HIS SUPERIOR ADVICE OVER THAT OF THE BRUTAL “DEAR ABBY“. SPEAK OF SHOOTING BRUTALS IN A BARREL…
Q:I am a very open person, but one thing I am not open about is the STD I have been living with for the last few years. My ex didn’t know he had it, and he gave it to me. Now free of him, I’m ready to date again, but I’m afraid of the judgment I may receive from potential partners.
I have heard all kinds of stigmatizing, dehumanizing and cruel comments about STDs, and I wonder to myself if people were better educated about this, maybe they wouldn’t sound so ignorant. Unfortunately, I don’t have the emotional strength to deal with rejection right now. So what I’m trying to ask is, how do I go about dating with an STI/STD? — MOVING FORWARD IN MICHIGAN
A: FOOLISH BRUTAL, WHAT ELSE WOULD IT TAKE TO CONVINCE YOU THE PENIS IS EVIL?! MUST YOU PERISH FROM TERTIARY SYPHILIS? REFRAIN FROM ACTIVITIES THAT MIGHT RESULT IN NEW LIFE! IF YOU MUST ENGAGE IN PENIC ACTIVITY, REFRAIN FROM INFORMING THE OTHER BRUTAL…IT WILL AMUSE ZARDOZ TO SEE THEIR REACTION WHEN THEY DISCOVER THEY ARE INFECTED WITH A LOATHSOME DISEASE.
FLACCID EVIL. ERECT EVIL.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q:Our father died nine months after his diagnosis with cancer. Within six months of his funeral, our stepmother of 20-plus years had begun a new relationship. She sold her and Dad’s home and belongings and moved across the country, leaving behind her children, stepchildren and grandchildren.
Although she promised to keep in touch with everyone, she hasn’t. She has made no effort to reach out to her stepfamily over the last year and a half, not even her grandchildren. We are perplexed, as she claimed our father was the love of her life and she dearly loved her grandchildren.
A few of us tried contacting her during the first six months after she left, but she usually responded only to texts, and then with one-word answers. We realize she has moved on, but how could she cut all ties with those she supposedly cared for? What are we missing? What is it that we don’t understand about being 60-something and widowed?
We feel abandoned and betrayed. We supported her in her decisions and her remarriage (which is the last time we had any contact with her). Please advise, Abby. — BAFFLED OUT WEST
A: ZARDOZ IS SHSH (SHAKING HIS STONE HEAD). DO YOU NEED BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO HELP GUIDE YOUR ACTIONS? BOO HOO HOO. IF THE ACTIONS OF YOUR “STEPMOTHER” DISPLEASE YOU, YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES – CLEANSE HER, AND HER NEW PENIC PARTNER, OR FORGET THEY EVER EXISTED. HOPEFULLY THEY ARE TOO ANCIENT TO CREATE NEW LIFE. SHOULD YOU WISH ZARDOZ TO HEDGE HIS BETS, PROVIDE A LOCATION TO THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS.
Hey guys? How’s it going? I’m on beeru number three. The first two were Kirin Ichiban while having lunch with my beautiful wife. Then I took a power nap. Now i’m drinking a Sierra Nevada Oktoberfest. I’ll probably go buy some more, different Marzen style later. Don’t let that fool you into think I haven’t been working. It is hard goddamn work herding bits across a the internet from a server to the cloud. Especially when you are putting them a db that enforces all security and front-end rules. You want to move 1M records? Check back in 12 hours. And oh look at that. The teams I love most are playing the teams I hate most. The Red River Shootout and FSU-UM (Its the 30th anniversary of this disaster). You know what, I’m gonna go buy some booze and just wake up drinking and stay drunk. Its not gonna be a good day for me.
Hardest hitting piece on DJT today. That never happened to the previous guy, because someone from the press corp would have removed it with their teeth.
are going to discuss the top 7 libertarian Halloween costumes, because 7 makes sense.
#5 (slutty) Gender-Fluid Handmaidens Tale
#3 Kochtopus
