Blog

  • Friday Afternoon Links

    I can’t believe you guys pretended like you were disappointed there weren’t enough links yesterday. If this is where you get your news, its all rapesquatches and destruction.

    Vox takes a paste-eating, “burn it all down” approach to the Brett Kavanaugh appointment. Trigger warning: Vox

    Wow, me and Elizabeth Warren agree on something. John Kerry IS a giant asshole. But probably not wrong here.

    If this happened in Florida, someone would be dead. But UK, so this clown got away.

    Guys, do we really WANT robots to be able to climb stairs?

    Of all the things that I thought would happen to the GOP under Trump, growing a set of balls is the last thing I suspected. My feeling is that there’s a polarity swap happening between the Stupid and the Evil parties.

    Its been a crazy week at work, and I feel about as weird and strung out as this.

  • Barrel-Aging Your Booze

    Barrel-aging booze is literally nothing more than pouring liquor from one container into another.  That’s it; if you can handle drinking out of a glass rather than the bottle, you have the necessary skill-set.  I discovered barrel-aged cocktails on a fishing trip this year, and thought “I gotta give that a try.”  This is my story (for the TL/DR crowd: its dead easy, as far as I can tell its very difficult to impossible to actually wind up with booze that’s worse than what you started with, so why not give it a go?)

    Barrel-aging your own liquor and cocktails is done in small white oak barrels that have been charred on the inside, just like the big barrels the big boys use.  I got a couple of one liter barrels from Oak Barrels Ltd., because that’s who made the barrels at the bar on my fishing trip.  I have no basis for recommending any of the many barrel makers over any others.

    So, how’s it work?

    First, think about what size barrel you want to use; they range from one liter on up.   As with everything in life, there is a trade-off:  The larger the barrel, the slower the booze ages.  You can use a barrel probably 4 times, maybe 5.  I’m refilling the barrels immediately after emptying them – you can leave them empty, but they need to be cleaned and stored full of water.  A one-liter barrel will deliver around a gallon or so of booze before its done, and mixed drinks don’t store forever, so you need to think about how fast you will drink whatever you barrel-age.

    To prep the barrel, rinse it out (it will have a few splinters and bits of charred wood loose in it), fill it with water and let it sit for a day, empty it out and rinse it again.  It may leak a little when you first fill it with water until the wood expands, but mine just got a few stains from the charred insides around a few seams.  If yours are leaking and won’t quit, you can use beeswax to stop the leaks.

    Fill with your concoction of choice, right to the rim.  The holes on these small barrels are pretty, well, small – if you don’t have a small funnel, you will need one.  You will start losing volume due to absorption/evaporation.  At this point, recommendations differ: you can either top it off (what I am doing), or you can rotate the barrel a quarter turn each way every day or so to keep the wood from drying out.  In a dry climate (like mine), apparently what evaporates is mostly water, but in a more humid client its mostly alcohol.

    A new one-liter barrel generally ages the first batch in a week or so.  Every subsequent batch takes longer.  Taste test periodically, and decant when you think its done.  I do think it’s possible to over-age liquor in these small barrels, since one batch of the Manhattans I am barrel-aging was getting really, really woody tasting.  Make sure you save some empty bottles, by the way, so you have something to decant into.

    I’m using one barrel for Bulleit Rye, and the other for Manhattans.  A barrel is only supposed to be used for one kind of booze or cocktail, as the flavors soak into the wood.  For the adventurous, this is a challenge rather than a prohibition, and any scotch drinker knows that many fine scotches are aged in barrels originally used for something else (rum, port, you name it).  But I’m sticking with the recommendation that I dedicate each barrel to a single, delicious libation.

    The first batch of rye took about 9 or 10 days before I really felt the “burn” had rounded off, but it was more woody and not as sweet as I recalled from my fishing trip.  It is a noticeably better rye than I started with – deeper/richer, with an oaky flavor.  Perhaps most importantly, Mrs. Dean now insists I use the barrel-aged rye for her cocktails, so I will be getting a bigger barrel when the current one wears out so we have an adequate stockpile of the barrel-aged stuff.  The barrel-aged Bulleit makes a phenomenal whiskey sour, one of her favorite cool weather cocktails.

    The Manhattans age faster – I used Bulleit Rye (again) and Carpano Antica vermouth in the classic 2:1 ratio.  I think the sweeter vermouths might be too sweet for barrel aging.  The first batch was done in a week, and subsequent batches each took only a few days longer than the previous batch.  Doing a side-by-side with an unaged Manhattan, I can definitely say that I prefer the barrel-aged, which has a deeper flavor and starts getting some cinnamon and cherry flavors.  Needless to say, I use real maraschino cherries (sour cherries simmered briefly in maraschino liqueur and refrigerated), because the candied grocery-store maraschino cherries are an abomination.  I’m using a brighter bitters for these – currently, the Dashfire Old-Fashioned Bitters.  I think the more traditional bitters just get kind of lost in the oak and cherry flavors.

    In doing a little research, I have run across some variations/recommendations.  Some of your artisanal types “season” the barrels for cocktails with port or possibly another kind of booze – I skipped this, but may try it sometime.  Opinions differ on whether to put the bitters in while aging, or when serving – I’m going with when serving because I like to try different bitters.  Some recommend going with 90 proof or stronger liquors, on the theory that they hold up better to barrel-aging.  I can’t recall ever objecting to higher-proof booze in my entire life, so Round 2 will involve a high-proof rye, if I can find one that tastes decent and isn’t obscenely expensive.  I’m still pondering what cocktail I might try barrel-aging next – I tend to like cocktails with citrus, but I’m suspicious that the acid will not play well in a barrel.

    The other thing that barrel-aging can supposedly do for you is take cheap liquor and turn into the equivalent of something you can’t afford.  I think I’ll be trying that with tequila with my next set of barrels by getting some barely passable 100% agave plonk, and see how it goes.

    Bottom line:  Barrels are pretty cheap (one liter barrels are less than $30 each, or about $6 – $7 per use), and the results have been easily worth it so far.  The “work” involved is mostly taste-testing and topping off the barrels.  If you like experimenting and getting a little more hands-on with your liquor, either straight sippin’ liquor or cocktails, you should give it a try.

  • Links? What Links?

     

    Links? What are you… uh oh.

    Well, here are a couple:

    1. Somebody fell, in your neighborhood…in your neighborhood.
    2. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

    Music… fine. Here.

    Right then. Nothing else to see, move along citizens!

  • What Are Rights? A CPRM Framework

    This is the first in a series to discuss my Constitutional Property Rights Minarchist philosophy. I will take a look at each element individually before putting it all together. I figured I would start off with the nature of rights because that takes two of the CPRM parts off the table at once. This is because all rights are derived from property rights, which I aim to show through this thesis.

    So, what exactly is a right? Is a property right different than a human right? Is the right to keep and bear arms different than the right to free speech? Where do rights come from anyway? I bet they were just made up by some old dead white guy, so they don’t matter. Most of what I’m about to say is probably old hat to most of the readers, but I decided to lay it all out just to make sure before I get to the big picture.

    One note on rights off the bat (I like to reference pop culture) my favorite quote on rights actually comes from the band Powerman 5000 in their song ‘Free‘.

    It’s not something you can hold
    It’s not something you own
    It’s not something you can buy or steal
    You’ve got it when you’re alone”

    A right is something you have regardless of where or when are born. To hit on the points above, it is a human right. Just by being human these are the rights you posses (why they’re limited to humans will be addressed later on). Well, if it doesn’t matter where or when you are born, then that means certain things can’t be rights. A person born where there is no water can not have a right to it, otherwise that ruins the whole idea that it is inherent in being human, unless you wish to posit people born in a desert are not human, but that would be awfully racist of you. For shame. I think you need counseling to deal with your racism. But you aren’t important, the idea is. So I digress. What other things can a human be born without that some call rights? Well the big one today is healthcare. But that is an even more resource intensive thing than water, I mean we could all spare some water, but there are only a limited few to provide healthcare. That would mean that to provide healthcare to masses would be to compel certain people to provide it. Another thing, which is written into the South African Constitution, is housing. Well, if you have a right to housing, that is also something someone else must be compelled to provide. I keep coming back to that word, don’t I. Compelled. It sounds so innocent. But what does that really mean? Let’s check Dictionary.com

    com·pel

    kəmˈpel/

    verb

    past tense: compelled; past participle: compelled

    1.force or oblige (someone) to do something.

    “a sense of duty compelled Harry to answer her questions”

    synonyms: force, pressure, press, push, urge; More
      • bring about (something) by the use of force or pressure.

        “they may compel a witness’s attendance at court by issue of a summons”

      • literary

        drive forcibly.

        “by heav’n’s high will compell’d from shore to shore”

    Oh, gosh that sounds violent. By use of force?

    No, we’ll just make a law about it.

    How will that law be enforced?

    Well by a tax, or a program.

    And if people don’t comply?

    Well, they’ll get taken to court and fined or put in jail!

    And if they don’t show up to court?

    They’ll show up.

    But if they don’t?

    Well, the cops will make them.

    How will they do that?

    Listen man, people do what cops say.

    And if they don’t?

    Then the cops make them.

    How?

    They just do.

    Is it the fact the cops ask nicely or the fact that they have guns?

    You’re killing my buzz man, leave me alone!

    So to go back to the beginning. Yes it is the old ‘private island’ thought experiment, but with a small change. It’s not an Island, but any place on earth where the first humans were the first intelligent beings to move to (that intelligent beings bit will come back on my promise of why they are human rights). Ug shows up with his sharp stick and his loin cloth in lower Mongolia. When he gets there what does he own? Well, of course he owns his own body, he is a slave to no man, and ownership of everything else extends from his self ownership. And that sharp stick, he found it and chewed it for miles to sharpen it. The loin cloth, well he stole that, so that’s a bit more complicated on the ownership front. So he arrives in lower Mongolia and there is nothing there. There is like this one pissed off falcon circling overhead and Ug saw some wild dogs a hundred miles ago. But that’s it. So Ug decides he’s tired of roaming sits his ass down and says ‘shit, fuck this Ug build himself house!’ There aren’t many trees around, but Ug finds enough to build a frame for a rough stone age yurt. He then hunts enough animals and tans enough leather to to finish his new domicile. Ug found some wild grains and harvested the seeds, carefully planting them and tending to his new garden. Then a wild goat shows up, he grabs it and builds a nice pen. The goat provides him with milk to make up for the absence of an accessible source of water. Months pass and Ug has made a nice little home for himself. Then that asshole Ur shows up.

    You goat be mine. You house be mine!

    No me house mine!

    No, me Ur be mine!

    No, me Ug be mine!

    After a tense stalemate. Ur makes an offer to Ug.

    Me know how make fire!

    Me know how milk goat!

    Me want milk!

    Me want fire!

    Me give you fire for milk!

    Me give you milk for fire!

    Me take your house!

    Me give you place to build house, if you give me hard rock!

    Me give you hard rock, if you build me house!

    And that is the right to contract. Ug created things that were not there when he arrived, and owned those as well as himself. Ur owned a rock which Ug wanted, so they traded. I know this is all farcical, but these are the underpinning ideas. You own your own body. You own the fruits of your labor, which you may trade for payment (today we call this going to work). But you know who doesn’t have any rights? Animals. You know why? It’s not because I’m racist against animals, believe me I have lots of animal friends. No, it’s because animals don’t understand rights. That is an important concept. To you this whole diatribe while slanted and farcical, is something you can understand. If I tell you this is mine and that is yours, that is a concept a human can grasp by the age of three. If you try telling that to a 100 year old tortoise it will still just eat your lettuce and shit on your floor. Tortoises are assholes.

     

  • Thursday Afternoon Links

    Oh, she accidentally slipped and stabbed her husband to death.

    Today I’m feeling very visual. Tell me you didn’t look at this picture

     

    And imagine her cosplaying this with The Donald

     

     

    That’s what I’ve got today!

    Here’s a little song for my outro.

     

  • Kitbash: Drive Me Closer, I Want to Hit Them With My Sword

    Right now our Circus lady is curing, we’re waiting for parts for the animals and wheels, and we need to start getting the main body assembled. Since this is not a tutorial on assembling the kit, I am going to skip any steps that are just “follow the instructions”. So we will focus on deviations from the instructions. The first thing where we’re going to deviate on the main kit is with some magnets. Magnetizing components allows for rapidly changing them out, and is often applied to weapons options. We won’t be magnetizing the weapons. We will be using magnets however. The key to magnetizing is pre-planning. Where do we want to be able to attach and detach other components at will? Two places. We want to be able to swap bases between the diorama and a scratch built flying base. We also want to be able to attach and detach the Circus lady at will. So we need two sets of magnets.

    The first one is rather easy to place. Using the already magnetized base from the other model, I can hold the magnet in place until I affix it properly. How do you affix these internal magnets? There’s glue, but I had leftover Green Stuff, and with those channels in the floor, it will hold pretty darn well. Plus, being on the bottom of the model, it won’t be in as much danger of shifting due to gravity. So that one was the easy one. The other place we want to magnetize is the left headlight assembly. We want our Circus lady to be able to stand on the corner of the vehicle and motivate her beasts to haul. Initially I planned a line of three small magnets with the same polarity so we can have a few options as to where she stands. There was just one problem with this – when you get two magnets close to each other, they tend to act of their own accord. After a lot of frustrated fussing, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to do it at the present time. So I cut down to the two magnets on the ends, which were far enough apart that I was able to get them into the notches I cut in the back of the headlight assembly. Once I had glue in, I promptly entombed them in Green Stuff – I was not going to do that all over again.

    Some assembly required

    The magnets on the outside are there simply to help hold the inside magnets in place while the Green Stuff cures, and to remind me that there are magnets in there. Oh, and ensure polarity of the interior magnets. I know that once the interior magnets got entombed, there wasn’t much chance of them shifting, but I really don’t want to fight with the fiddly little magnets any more. So, we go back to textbook assembly until we get to the turret. Thankfully, I already decreed we were not magnetizing weapons, so that is out. So what am I doing to the turret? First off, I’m going to drill out the bore of the machine gun. No one will notice if you leave the bore the solid slug of plastic that it comes out of the box as, but that little added touch of detail helps. I don’t do it to every weapon, or even most weapons, but when I’m already going to all of this effort, I’m going to drill out the bore of the projectile weapons.

    The second point of deviation is that we’re going to leave the turret as three subassemblies. The gunner, the pintle mount and the turret proper. Why? Because there are a lot of tight corners in there and trying to prime, let alone paint, all of those nooks and crannies is asking for trouble. So we’re going to paint them separately and press-fit them together. This requires not gluing the layers to each other. The second thing we’re going to do is to swap out the arms on the gunner. We need a pose that says “Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword.” And to do that, we need to give the guy a sword. So it’s back to the Bitz Box. Swapping out weapons arms is easy, right? Well if all you want to do is make sure he’s holding the weapon, sure. But we want him posed properly for the meme-reference. So we need to take a saw to some arms. For the left arm, we have a chainsword that’s just a hand, so we can just find an arm pointed in the proper direction and take off whatever’s in its hand. Too many of the arms are posed to hold something close in to the torso, which is the opposite of what we want. For the right arm, the pistol I want to give him has the wrong type of shoulder pad, so I have to swap it to an arm that is compatible with the correct ones.

    So we apply a little saw to the arms and do some more part surgery. Why didn’t I use the saw before? Because the female parts were not as bulky, and wouldn’t deform as much from clippers where they were more than the knife could handle. The saw is slow, but it does less damage to the surrounding part and can cut through an arbitrarily thick block of plastic. Once cut apart, we reassemble the parts we want and we have one enthusiastic gunner who can’t wait to get into melee range. Nevermind the fact that he’s sitting behind a minigun…

    So what’s next? Well, we need some parts to be delivered, and we need to look at what’s wrong with our Circus Lady’s backside.

    That didn’t work out exactly as intended.

    So what happened was that gravity caused the green stuff to slump against the front loincloth. And the upper part is still a mess. So lets cover the rump with a pistol from the Bitz Box. Yes, the pistols are gratuitously oversized. But with ammo packs, the holster hides most of the worst errors. We also have to attach a magnet to the heel of that boot. So far I’ve been using thin plastic glue. (Thin being a measure of viscosity.) But plastic glue works by chemically reacting with the plastic to cause the pieces to fuse to each other. It does not work so well with metal. So as I cut a notch from the heel of the foot to fit the magnet, I had to find the cyanoacrylate, more commonly called Superglue. I hate superglue. It sticks to anything but itself. So I end up having to hold the pieces in place for far too long before it sets and pray I didn’t get any on my fingers. If I did, I would get glued to the piece while waiting. This is more than a little annoying.

    We’ve got a ways to go.

    Almost as annoying as getting glued to the piece is realizing I don’t have magnets small enough to hide in the foot. So what am I going to do about this oversized lump of metal in her heel? I’m still thinking about that. So what is there to do now? We need to wait for the pieces I ordered online, but that doesn’t mean work has to stop. What can I do while waiting? I can paint. My preference is for spray primers and to paint light on dark. There are a few simple techniques to ensure a good primer coat that doesn’t wipe out details. First off is to remember that you can always add more primer, but taking it off will be difficult to impossible. Especially around the fine details. So short bursts in gentle sweeps will do well. You need about sixteen to twenty inches of separation from the spray nozzle to the piece in order to have the best dispersal of pigment. Don’t try to get the whole piece in one pass. Coast from one direction, so you have a dry face for the model to rest on. Let that layer dry and spray the other side. Repeat from as many directions as needed to remove pale spots and get a uniform coat. A bright penlight will help provide alternative lighting to check whether or not a given pale spot is the underlying plastic or reflections.

    Oh, and whatever you do, make sure you spray prime in a well-ventilated area. Most sprays use hydrocarbon-based accelerants that will cause issues if you breathe too much. Plus the pigment, which you don’t want in your sinuses. No matter where you work, there will be droplets of pigment that float long enough to dry and form colored dust. You will begin to notice this if you use the same spot long enough. It can be wiped up, unlike a direct spay that will stick to whatever it hits. Last tip, put a backdrop behind the piece to catch as much of that loose pigment as you can. A simple cardboard box will suffice, provided it’s big enough.

    Wherein we apply the base coat.

    Right now we’re priming in eight pieces, three layers of the turret, the Circus lady, three weapons mounts, and the main chassis. This will allow the structure to have more posability, and allow us to paint it properly. If you notice the walker in the back, the one on the left, it’s not just there to look pretty, it’s a color reference for the vehicle. So we start with some base coats. The primer counts as our first base coat, because there are large areas of the model that will stay black. On our Circus Lady and the gunner, we have one model that has a lot of exposed skin and one completely encased in armor. His coat will be more uniform, mostly dark red. The base coat for the skin and hair will be leather brown, and while we’re painting it, we’ll paint the holster and ammo pouches. We need to be careful not to paint over her shirt. That one gets based in dark purple, the loincloth in pale gray and the metal in a lead hue.

    A time-consuming, but vital step

    While I could leave that as her skin tone, I’m not going to. These intermediate layers do two things – one they reduce the number of layers required to cover a pure black base, and it subtly influences the character of the final color layered on top. Most of the brown will be covered up, except for the holster and ammo pouches. Though the red is the final color of the gunner’s armor. Since I’m basing the Circus Lady’s armor, I’ll hit the metallic parts of the main chassis and weapons. Because there are so many “metal” components across my collection, this particular silver hue is one of my most commonly used pigments. There are two painting techniques I have to discuss when applying these patches. First is what is typically thought of when mentioning ‘painting’. That is evenly applying pigment to coat the area. This is used for things like gun barrels and antennae. The second is drybrushing. Drybrushing is the use of a limited amount of pigment (the ‘dry’ brush) to scrape over the prominent details of the model. This gets useful for grates, vents and simulating wear on mechanical components.

    There are some people who would advise diluting your pigment. I have only once ran into a time when I needed to add water to paint – after a pot had all but dried out and needed to be restored to working order. This is because I find diluted pigment doesn’t cover well, and refuses to stay where I put it. You will typically get this bad advice online when you gloop it on. More appropriate advice would be to use less paint. As with primer, you can always put more on, but taking it off is not so easy.

    So we start layering on other colors. With a few details, the “very undone” look of freshly primed pops to something looking closer to completed. For this reason, I try to pick primers that represent as much of the base color as I can. This is not always practical, and for individual characters I will just suck it up and paint it all, such as with the Circus Lady miniature here.

    All gussied up and painted
  • Thursday Morning Links

    Not today either!

    If you’re a normal person, this short work week is almost over.  If you’re a New York Yankee, its been done for a day and a half.  If you’re a Cleveland Indian, it never really got started. But that’s life in the big leagues, son. And with the baseball playoffs on hiatus for a couple days, the NHL did their best to capitalize on the sports-starved people looking for something to watch.  How’d they do it? By scheduling a mere three games, of course. Nice work, Bettman. Your idiocy still never ceases to amaze me.  Anyway, those winners were: Philly, Washington and Phoenix (who finally won a game!). No other sports of consequence took place.

    Boom, beeyotch!

    October 11th is the day the following people came into this world: YMCA founder George Williams, condiment magnate Henry John Heinz, First Lady (for way too long) Eleanor Roosevelt, real estate developer Fred Trump, writer Elmore Leonard, soccer legend (which is an understatement) Sir Bobby Charlton, singer Daryl Hall, guitarist Greg Douglass, drummer Blair Cunningham, actress Joan Cusack, MST3K’s Mike Nelson, Buckeye legend Chris Spielman, actor Luke Perry, comedian Artie Lange, libertarian-is entrepreneur Peter Thiel, actress Michelle Trachtenberg and golfer Michelle Wie.

    Its also the day on which an earthquake in Aleppo killed 230,000 people (somebody let Gary Johnson know), Pope Leo X named Henry VIII “defender of the Faith”, roll film for cameras was patented, so was the elevator, the Boers declared war on Great Britain, the Chinese civil war began, Billy Martin was named manager of the Twins, “Saturday Night Live” made its debut, Prince opened for the Rolling Stones (quite the combo), Jimmy Swaggart solicited a prostitute, and Neon Deion Sanders played for the Braves and Falcons on the same day.

    Alrighty then. Here are…the links!

    Wait, how did the sign stay up? Maybe use that tech on the rest of the building next time!

    Hurricane Michael leaves a wake of destruction in its path. Christ, what an asshole.

    Its pretty neat to watch successes. But sometimes its the failures that show man’s greatness. Wow. Whoever designed that deserves a medal.

    If you thought the media digging into high-school yearbooks and college accounts of (gasp!) drinking were absurd, well, I’ve got news for you. We’ve almost reached peak idiocy from the media.  Same goes for their commenters.

    Women are strong, brave, and capable of doing anything a man can do. Well, they are until they need to be painted as delicate victims easily subjected to abuse in order to make political points.

    Limo operator charged with negligent homicide

    I called this yesterday: the limousine operator who sent the busted-up vehicle on the road that was involved in a crash that killed 20 people, has been charged with criminally negligent homicide.

    Um, yeah. I got no snark for this one. I’m sure there will be enough in the comments.

    I’m thinking prosecutors might want to reevaluate the charges on this one.

    Prosecutors at the time said it was possible the charge could be upgraded to murder in light of Ryan’s death, but aggravated assault by a public servant would carry the same sentencing range and be easier to prove. As of Wednesday, no higher charges had been added, according to Jack Choate, executive director of the Special Prosecution Unit that handles Texas prison criminal cases.

    Wait, what the fuck?!?!?!?!

    Oh hell yeah! Enjoy the 80s.

    Now get out there and have a day as great as that song is.

  • Subaru Horror Theatre, Vol. 2 – The Road Less Traveled

    “Why did you have sleeping bags in the back if we were just going to the mall to buy you some new pants?” Diane asked.

    “We had talked about going camping,” Jack said, wrestling the tent out of its carry bag, aluminum stakes clattering to the ground.

    “And a tent?”

    “Of course,” he said, stooping to gather the stakes. “What good are sleeping bags without a tent?”

    “OK,” she said. She began to kick stick and small stones away from the flat spot in woods he had indicated, slowly and with a pout.

    “It’ll be fun, sweetheart,” Jack said. “A real adventure.”

    “Yeah, you keep saying that.” Diane hugged herself, pressing the flannel and fleece against her small, tender breasts.

    “I don’t have my medicine,” she said in a low voice.

    “You can miss one night, right?”

    “It’s not good to skip a dose.”

    “But one night?”

    “Yeah, I guess not.”

    *****

    Diane helped Jack set up the tent and unroll the sleeping bags. They walked in the woods together, the air crisp and clean, the first bite of fall in the air. They gathered stones and wood for a fire and ate Clif Bars Jack had thrown in the car with the camping equipment. They sat on a fallen tree in front of the fire and held hands.

    “You’re crushing my fingers,” he said.

    “Sorry,” Diane replied. “I just never spent much time in the woods when I was… when I was younger.”

    “Your hands are so strong,” he said, teasing.

    “Don’t.”

    “I just said you are strong.”

    “Just don’t.”

    Her eyes began to brim with tears. He kissed her lips and salty eyes and cheeks until she started to laugh. He hugged her tight and said into the hollow of her neck, “Let’s get in the tent.” He felt her nod. They took off their clothes in the last light of the dying fire, shivering with pleasure from the cool night air and clambered into the tent and their sleeping bags; they had zipped them into a double-wide and huddled together until warm, their bodies entwined.

    “I love you,” he said.

    “I love you too,” Diane said. “I love you so much.”

    He slid his hand down to her small breasts and cupped one.

    “Just be careful,” she said. “They are still tender.”

    “They are perfect. Perfect,” he said.

    He slid his hand further and stroked her limp penis.

    “The hormones,” she said. “It just… it won’t.”

    “It doesn’t matter,”

    “It’ll be better after the surgery. I’ll get healed up and I’ll be, you know, a real girl.”

    “You are a real girl,” he said, caressing her scrotum.

    “If I were a real girl…” she said, sadness in her voice. She held his limp penis in her hand and began to sob.

    “Oh, Honey,” he said. “Sweetheart.”

    “No, I’ll be OK. I just shouldn’t have skipped my medicine.”

    “We can go back,” Jack offered.

    “No, I’ll just take it in the morning. I’ll be fine.” She pulled him to her and buried her head in his chest. “Just hold me.”

    He held her until they both drifted off.

    *****

    The first crack of a fallen limb didn’t wake Diane, nor did the second.

    “Jack,” she whispered. She pushed against his chest to wake him. “Jack!” she whispered louder. He mumbled indistinctly and rolled over. “Jack,” she said again, slapping at his back.

    “What’s the matter, baby?” he said absently.

    “I think there’s someone outside.”

    He propped himself up on one elbow and rubbed his face. “Probably just a raccoon.”

    “I don’t think it’s a raccoon.” She sat up and groped around the tent for her sweater and pulled it on.

    “Listen,” she said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

    For a few moments, there were just the too-loud sounds of their breathing and the wind in the trees. Diane thought she could hear her own beating heart.

    “Sweetie…” Jack began, but he was cut off by a rustling outside and the snapping of twigs.

    “See?” Diane hissed. “I told you.”

    “It’s probably just an animal,” Jack said, finding his own clothes and trying to dress in the dark tent.

    “What if it’s a bear?!?”

    “It’s not a bear.”

    “But what if it is?” She grunted while trying to jam her left shoe on her right foot.

    “It’s not a bear,” he whispered loudly.

    A fallen limb cracked right near the tent, like a gunshot tearing open the night. They froze, atavistic instincts taking over. All the other small animals of the night fell silent.

    “Jack,” Diane said, little more than a frightened sigh.

    They could hear it breathing outside the tent. Huge breaths. Ragged. A wave of horripilation ran up both of Diane’s arms as there came a low growl. She answered the thin screech of claws testing the nylon of the tent with a hoarse scream. Jack poked her in the eye as he tried to cover her mouth and she yelped in pain before he could quiet her.

    “LADYBOY,” a guttural voice said, the word barely discernible.

    “Steve?” Jack said, surprised. “Steve is that you?”

    The breathing outside intensified, like the chuffing of a steam engine.

    Jack cried out when Diane bit his fingers.

    “Who the fuck is ‘Steve?!?’” she managed, before the tent and then a massive body landed on them both.

  • Swiss, Non-Hurricane Destroyed Afternoon Links

    Note: Gentle Swiss mountain breeze.

     

    By the time you read these Links, UberKillDeathMurderStorm Michael will have removed Florida from the Continental United States. Hopefully any of you that lived in that area fled, long ago. Brett is probably out taking stock of his new island home state, so I will cover the links today. I sure hope the pythons didn’t swim over to what is left of CONUS…

    New Florida State Flag
    • How it happened/will happen/should happen. (As of time of link forging).
    • Oh noes! An EU member wants to change how it operates its judiciary. Let the lawfare begin! (TW: Reuters Euro-arsekissing)
    • Make it an oil wrestling match. /Patriarchy off.  Or, “The Bottom Story of the Day”.
    • Might as well just shot the poor SOB. Or, “Dog cheered by third wave feminists as a canine hero!”

    Kind off off kilter links for me, right? I think it was reading that SugarFree piece…I don’t feel…quite normal right now.

     

    “Why did I read SugarFree?!”
  • GlibFit 3.0 Week 4 Wrapup – Post Workout Eating

    There are about ten thousand different opinions on what to eat after working out. Some are wrong, some are being applied out of scope, and some are mostly right.

    One of the most common myths is that you need to eat back your workout. If you’re working out to lose weight,  you’re undoing a portion of what you just worked so hard to accomplish when you eat back the calories you just burned in your workout.

    NOTE: This topic is a “gray area” according to Mrs. trshmnstr, and the info described here may not be accurate for all workouts and all post-workout meals. Also, it is going through a filter (me) that doesn’t understand this stuff at a very deep level, so I’m liable to screw things up.

    When you’re working toward a goal of weight loss, one of the primary purposes of your workout is to create a calorie deficit. The math is simple. Calories in minus calories out equals change in weight. 3500 calories in a pound of fat means that if you have a 500 calorie/day deficit, you’ll lose a pound of fat per week. The complexity comes in determining the calories in and the calories out, but for our purposes this week, all that matters is calories in minus calories out.

    There’s a tension at play when you’re working out to lose weight. On one side, if you can eat less than your basal metabolic rate (usually in the 1500-2500 calorie range), any additional calories lost through working out are icing on the cake. If you have a BMR of 2000 calories and you eat 1500 calories per day, you’re losing 1 lb per week. If you also burn off 1000 calories at the gym every day, you go from 1 lb per week to 3 lbs per week.

    On the other side of the coin is sustainability. Your body will begin to push back against your abuse if you don’t fuel it properly. When you workout, whether you do cardio or weight work, you are tearing up your muscles, literally. Your body has to repair your muscles with protein. If you’re eating a 1500 cal/day deficit, but your protein is deficient, you’re going to feel miserable, struggle to recover from your workouts, and be prone to injury and illness.

    However, factors such as intensity of the workout come into play when determining how much of your workout to eat back. If you’re doing relatively low intensity work, you need less protein than if you’re burning the same number of calories in a high intensity workout.

    Personally, I shoot for the fewest amount of calories where I don’t feel my body increasingly drag through a week of working out. It’s not very scientific, and it requires a bit of experimentation, but you want to fuel your body’s regenerative process without undoing your calorie deficit.

    For strength training, the calorie deficit isn’t as important, but giving your body the fuel necessary to build muscle is very important. The biggest mistake you can make is to do a strength based workout and not bother to make up for your body’s increased need for protein. There are easy ways to get a quick hit of protein after a workout. Some of the shakes aren’t disgusting. Some of the bars aren’t terrible. You could eat a hard-boiled egg, as an example. You want to ingest a significant amount of protein within 30 minutes of the end of your workout because your body begins repairing your muscles almost immediately after the workout, and you don’t want your body to start tapping into your unused muscles as a protein store.

    Personally, I’ve found that it’s a night and day difference between strength training without a protein supplement and with a protein supplement. Fatigue and soreness go from a major issue to a minor annoyance at most when protein is properly administered after a workout.

    HIIT workout of the week

    Ass kicking treadmill intervals:

    3 Min at 2% incline and a slow jogging pace (3.5-4 mph) (“Warmup/Cooldown”)

    2 Min at 5% incline and a jogging pace (5.5 mph) (“Jog”)

    1 Min at 8% incline and a running pace (6.5 mph) (“Run”)

    2 Min at Jog

    1 Min at Run

    2 Min at 8% incline and a jogging pace (5 mph) (“Hill Jog”)

    1 Min at 10% incline and a running pace (6.5 mph) (“Hill Run”)

    2 Min at Jog

    1 Min at Run

    2 Min at Hill Jog

    1 Min at Hill Run

    2 Min at Jog

    1 Min at Run

    2 Min at Jog

    1 Min at Run

    2 Min at Hill Jog

    1 Min at Hill Run

    3 Min at Cooldown

     

    Recipe of the week

    Carne Asada Bowls

    I shameless ripped this recipe from Cooking Light, so I’ll link the recipe so that they get the clicks.