Blog

  • The Hat and The Hair: Episode 102

     

    “More,” the hat said. “I want to fire more of them.” His voice became strained and he coughed a few times, then spit a splintered turkey leg bone onto the floor.

    “We’ve already fired a lot of them,” the hair told him. “Maybe let’s wait for the swearing in of Congress in January.”

    “Kelly. I want Kelly gone. He refuses to recognize my authority,” the hat said. He inched his way onto a sweet potato and settled onto it like a mother hen tending her eggs.

    “Kelly keeps everyone in line,” the hair protested.

    “I don’t care. We’ll put Corey in charge. He knows now how to take care of whiners.”

    The hair made a noncommittal grunt and typed on a laptop for a few seconds.

    “Mueller!” Donald yelled from the bathroom.

    “This sweet potato tastes funny,” the hat groused.

    “Maybe it’s a yam,” the hair said distantly.

    “It’s not a fucking yam. I know what a yam is. This is a sweet potato and it tastes funny.”

    “Is it maybe because it’s raw?” the hair asked.

    “Probably,” the hat said morosely. He crawled off the dissolving sweet potato and went back to the turkey carcass on the table.”There’s still plenty left if you want some.”

    “You know I don’t eat meat,” the hair said. He typed furiously on the laptop for a second.

    “What are you doing over there?” the hat whined.

    “Early Christmas shopping,” the hair said. “There are some great pre-Black Friday deals.”

    “‘Pre-Black Friday deals?” the hat said, spitting out a gnawed section of turkey spine.

    “Yeah, there are all sorts of…” the hair began.

    “Hold on, shut up, I just got an alert from Twitter,” the hat said.

    “Rude.”

    “Hey, I’ve had to keep Donald social media afloat all damn week. He refuses to get out of the tub!”

    “I can hear you!” Donald said in a singsong voice.

    “I don’t care,” the hat reply in the same singsong. The hat rattled off a string of characters on Donald’s phone.

    “All those trips to the wildfires really wore him out,” the hair said.

    “Fucking autocorrect,” the hat muttered. “How do you spell ‘smegma?’”

    “COOL!” Donald yelled. “My phone floats! Did you guys know my phone floats?”

    “It’s not a real phone,” the hat muttered.

    “That’s great, Donald. So smart of you to get a phone that floats for the bathtub!’ the hair yelled.

    “Smegma!” the hat said.

    “How am I supposed to know how to spell it?” the hair asked.

    “Look it up on the computer,” the hat said and sighed heavily.

    “‘S-,” the hair said, “‘M-.’”

    “Hurry up. I’ve got to get this tweet off.”

    “Uh. Maybe you should come over here,” the hair said.

    “What it is?”

    “Just come over here.”

    The hat crawled off a wad of dressing and made his way over to the hair.

    “What?” he asked querulously.

    “Looks at the autofill in the search line,” the hair said.

    SMooth and painful bump near anus

    “Uh…” the hat said.

    “I mean this wasn’t you, right?” the hair asked.

    “Of course not,” the hat said angrily. “My anus is 100% perfect. Solid gold. A+, number one, awesome. My anus could be the cover model for American Anus Monthly!”

    “I just thought if Donald was having, you know, butt problems, I’d know about it,” the hair said.

    “I mean, I guess,” the hat said. “But you are all the way up on the head. Maybe butt stuff just doesn’t make it up that far?”

    “What if…” the hair began and trailed off.

    “What if what?” the hair asked.

    “I’m just going to go for it,” the hair said. His tendril typed rapidly on the laptop.

    Hair club for men
    Hair in the drain
    Hair in my nose
    Hair in butt infected

    “OK,” the hair said, ‘That’s not so bad.”

    “Try ‘my hair,’” the hat whispered.

    My hair talks to me
    My hair is my best friend
    My hair ecards Valentine’s Day

    “Well, I guess that’s not so bad,” the hair said.

    “Do it,” the hat said. “Do it. I can’t not know now.” The hair typed once more.

    My hat might be Hitler

    “Hitler? HITLER? He thinks I might be Hitler?!?”

    “Well…” the hair said.

    “Well, what? What? Just spit it out.”

    “Well, you don’t like Jews very much.”

    “Well, I mean, yeah,” the hat said.”They are greedy and cheap and can’t be trusted and they killed Jesus. And then there’s…”

    “Hey, look, more results,” the hair said.

    My hat and hair are always fighting
    My hat makes sex noises
    My hat watches me take baths

    The hat groaned and the hair shifted around uncomfortably.

    “I only watch him in the bath in case he falls,” the hat said rapidly.

    “I don’t care,” the hair said. “None of my business, bruh.”

    “I’m getting all pruney!’ Donald called from the tub.

    “Did you get the California stench off you yet?” the hat called.

    “I’m working on it!’ the President of the United States yelled back.

    The hat slouched away from the laptop and back to his meal. Bones began cracking.

    “Are you done eating that pardoned turkey yet?” the hair asked.

    The hat burped loudly.

  • Wednesday’s Morning Links

    Turkey is defrosting, step-daughter is home from college, children home from school.  Definitely feeling a lot like Thanksgiving.  Let’s see if I can can get any work done today.

     

    Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

     

    Today in birthdays we have Voltaire, actress Goldie Hawn, actor Harold Ramis, weirdo Bjork, and for our target audience: singer Carly Rae Jepsen.

     

     

    American adventurer killed by the native population with an arrow while trying to visit remote island.

     

     

     

     

    Trump and his attorneys submitted written responses to Mueller’s questions.

     

    “I’ll cut you, bitch!”

     

    Why am I not a socialist? Because I want to walk dogs, not eat them.

     

     

    An environmentalist with a large carbon footprint? Why, I never!

     

     

    Sarah Palin and Sarah Palin of the left having an online battle.

     

     

    That’s all I got for today folks. If this doesn’t brighten your day, I have no idea what would.

  • Jewsday Tuesday: Is Thanksgiving kosher?

    “You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt, where you lived, and you shall not do as they do in the land of Canaan, to which I am bringing you. You shall not walk in their statutes.”

    The excerpt is from Leviticus 18, and is often interpreted by the Orthodox to mean, “Don’t do goyish shit.” That means no Christmas trees, Easter eggs, or… Thanksgiving. Now indeed, it’s not as simple as that, and various Orthodox authorities come down on both sides of the “Can Jews do the turkey thing?” issue. The folks who wish to avoid the controversy figure, “Well, we always have a Shabbos dinner on Friday night, so we’ll just do all the turkey, green bean casserole, candied sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce then, and Yahweh will be none the wiser.”

    Don’t try to fool Yahweh. He can get pretty nasty if he feels like you’re trying to get around his commandments.

    But really, is that commandment all that it’s claimed to be? And is Thanksgiving kosher?

    We’ll start with the latter. First, could Thanksgiving be considered a religious holiday? If so, it’s definitely forbidden to celebrate. One could say, nah, it’s a totally secular American thing, no Jesus, no crosses. On the other hand, its origins are in religious Protestant practice. Two Jews, three opinions, and of course, rabbis have come down on both sides of this. However, most lean toward, “Not Christian, at least not explicitly, so we can pretend. Turkey is kosher if a Jew slaughterer offed it. And as long as we’re doing the dinner all kosher-food-like and aren’t sitting at a table with people who are going to worship idols like Jesus, we’re cool with Yahweh.” Whew.

    But wait! Some rabbis have pointed out that because Thanksgiving follows the Christian calendar (“Third Thursday in November”) and is not at a fixed date according to the Jewish (lunar) calendar, the default is, “It’s goyish and we shouldn’t go near it.” Shit.

    Anyway, bottom line of that side of things is that there’s no definitive answer. For whatever reason, Yahweh didn’t mention the Pilgrims to Moses.

    But the former question, what does the commandment in Leviticus 18:3 really mean, is to me a more interesting question. Traditionally, it’s interpreted as I said before, don’t do any kind of goyish shit. But it’s tough to read it in context and come away with that conclusion. This chapter is one of the juicier set of rules, and it makes you wonder if Egypt and Canaan were actually Arkansas and West Virginia. Here’s the rules from Leviticus 18, in order:

    • Don’t follow Egyptian or Canaanite rules
    • Follow Yahweh’s rules
    • Don’t fuck any close relatives
    • Don’t fuck your mother
    • Don’t fuck any of your father’s other wives
    • Don’t fuck your sister or half sister, even if you grew up in separate households
    • Don’t fuck your grandkids
    • Don’t fuck your stepsister
    • Don’t fuck your aunt on your father’s side
    • Don’t fuck your aunt on your mother’s side
    • Don’t fuck your father’s sister-in-law
    • Don’t fuck your daughter-in-law
    • Don’t fuck your sister-in-law
    • If you fuck a woman, don’t fuck her daughter, daughter-in-law, or granddaughter
    • And if you marry a woman, don’t marry her sister (more about this one in a bit)
    • Don’t fuck a woman on the rag
    • Don’t fuck your neighbor’s wife
    • Don’t burn up your kids if there’s some other god involved
    • Don’t fuck men (assuming you’re a dude)
    • Don’t fuck animals

    At least to non-rabbinical me, it’s clear that Leviticus 18:3 cited by the more obstreperous rabbis isn’t about holiday dinners, it’s about fucking. By all rights, Leviticus 18 ought to be called The Fucking Chapter; there’s only a short diversion from fucking to a quick mention about not burning your kids, then it goes right back to fucking. So unless you intend to violate the turkey’s cavity in front of guests, or toss your kids into the oven while invoking Jesus, I think Yahweh’s rules just aren’t in force here. Turkeys are kosher, and as long as you follow the rest of the kosher rules for the dinner and don’t pray to Jesus, it’s unlikely to offend Yahweh that there’s a Christian calendar involved.

    Before we go, I want to point out that this week’s Sedra, Vayeitzei, is apropos to the rules. It’s the story of Yaakov, Leah, and Ruchel. You’ll remember that Yaakov went to work for his Uncle Laban, tending sheep. The agreement was, tend the sheep for 7 years and Yaakov could marry Ruchel, Laban’s cute younger daughter. He does the herding work, and the morning after the wedding and the consummation, Yaakov wakes up to discover… oh shit, it’s the older, uglier sister. I FUCKED LEAH! THAT WAS NOT THE DEAL! Laban, who is clearly a major dick, tells him, basically, “Tough noogies, you married her, you fucked her, she’s yours. Now, if you still want cute little Ruchel, I think that another 7 year hitch ought to do it.” Yaakov realizes that if he wants to bang some higher quality trim, he’s going to have to go back to the sheep. But he’s no dummy- he says, “Look, I’ll do it, but if we wait yet another 7 years, Ruchel will be past her use-by date. How about I marry and fuck her now, and I’ll pledge to put in the sheep time after the punga punga?” Laban agrees, Yaakov now is married to and banging both sisters. Oh, and as a bonus, he also gets to bang each sister’s handmaid.

    Damn, 14 years of sheep doesn’t seem like such a bad deal, in perspective.

    Note though, that Yaakov lucked out and managed all this before the rules kicked in. Otherwise, he’d be in clear violation of at least three of them. I guess Yahweh just got prissier in Mosaic times.

    Have a great Thanksgiving, and don’t forget the yarmulkes. And the fucking.

     

     

     

  • Tuesday Afternoon Links

    Hi guys, happy Tuesday. This is my last full day of work this week. I hope the same for all of you. My boss told me I could be done whenever I finished my work tomorrow or I should close down by noon. I figure I can get my stuff done exactly 4 minutes after our morning call. And then a 5 hour drive with two kids. But my wife loves me. She got the Expedition cleaned out, vacuumed and washed. I was only disappointed that (a) she didn’t wear a bikini and (b) do it while I could watch. And yes, central FL, she would have been comfortable.

    OMWC swears that he doesn’t endorse this. Custard is not candy. And the girls were too old for him.

    Never bring a screwdriver to a hammer fight? Florida man, you so crazy.

    I mean, I would have taken a chance on the hot/crazy with this chick before this incident.

    Jeebus. Everyone is crazy to start hiring staff for 2020 in Iowa. I guess political campaign workers gotta eat every day like everyone else.

    I forgot how good the album this came off of is. Time to dig it out.

  • UnCivil Learns From Glibs

    After the previous article from Leap regarding putting a handle on a knife blank, and some ongoing discussions in the comments, I wondered if it was within my capacity to do likewise. I asked a lot of questions of the Glibertariat, trying to harvest knowledge for the project. The first big problem I saw was that the example from the original article was a single-edged hidden tang blade. Since I have heaps of utility knives, I am making something for a more artistic goal. Aesthetically, I like the shape of a double-edged blade. Structurally, I prefer a fully tang – which is where the shape of the handle and the shape of the metal within the handle are identical. Unfortunately, the unsharpened knife blank I found had a tang of a shape I didn’t like and would be too small to be comfortable in my oversized mitts.

    So, I sank a lot of disposable income into buying tools and parts. In terms of cash outlay, it would have been cheaper to buy a knife. But part of that was because my toolbox was geared towards the problems I’ve had to deal with. But tools are a capital investment, and if I keep doing this as a hobby, the amortized costs would head towards negligable. But, that is neither here nor there. The question is, could I learn enough to make a decent piece?
    First off, I discarded the idea of making the blade myself. That was just way too far out of my skill reach at the moment. So I’ll be trying to put a handle on the blank. This process stretched out over a couple of days in the evening after the day job.

    Day 1 – The blank is here

    The first box

    While I technically started the project when I ordered the parts, but I couldn’t do anything until the parts arrived. The pieces that showed up in that first box were the blade blank proper, the handle scales and four Corby bolts. The blade blank is hardened high carbon steel, but not sharpened. This is good, because it’s easier to handle while working on it. Plus, without an edge, it’s not a dagger, it’s a letter opener. Thus this is not an elaborate confession to weapons possession. The handle scales are Resin Ivory, basically an imitation Ivory made of synthetic materials. So the only piece of hardware that might need elaboration are the Corboy bolts. Traditionally, handles would be held with solid pins. There are a lot of downsides to that, however. You either don’t have a mechanical lock, or you have to manually peen the ends. Corby bolts are one of several options that use threaded shafts to bridge two thicker ends. These provide a more secure connection, which is good for newbies like me. The trade-off is that the holes need to be coutnersunk. Luckily, I have a standing drill press, and know how to work with it.

    So, after excitedly telling the Glibertariat that the parts were here, I set about assembling the remaining materials. Because the tang is smaller than my intended handle, I need to fill in the rest of the space around the tang on the same layer. If I was masochistic, I could try to cut out spaces in the resin ivory to rest the tang in. I’m not. I’ll be adding some spacers in which it is easier to cut the shape. The material I decided to use was leather. I have stores of leather scrap from various crafting projects. I picked some brown oil-tanned scraps and a bright red suede split. The oil-tanned leather I never got around to using before, as it was stiffer than I’d expected. The red pigskin suede I’d used to line my toolbox. Only the harder oil-tanned leathers would be cut to shape around the tang. The suede was too thin and elastic, and is there for decorative purposes.

    Parts stacked and trimmed to size, I prepared to drill the holes. Since there were already holes in the tang, I decided to use that as my guide. Taped together to keep them from moving around, I brought the lot to my drill press. Resin ivory has an… interesting aroma when being worked. It wasn’t strong enough to drive me away, but something to note if you decide to use the material in one of your projects. On the plus side, it is easy to work. On the down side, it is easy to work. With one slip while drilling the last countersink, I suddenly had a three-sixteenths inch hole all the way through the scale instead of halfway through as intended. So, I was going to have a pin instead of a bolt holding that spot. Oh well, I’ll still have two bolts.

    Putting holes in things

    Holes drilled, it did my first test fit. It was a real pain to work corby bolts with one screwdriver. This is because they’re intended to be driven by two screwdrivers at once. Still, I got it together and it seemed to work. I chose not to do any more work that day, since it was getting late, and the only task I could do was trimming the oil-tanned leather.

    Day 2 – The Epoxy

    After I ordered the blank, I realized I’d ordered four Corby bolts for a blank with five holes. After some thought, I realized I didn’t want to have two countersinks on the holes by the base of the blade. That would seriously weaken the resin ivory. These holes are there for a bolster to be attached. I decided to pin them. I didn’t have copper pin stock, but that is easily rectified with a visit to the internet. My pin rod and epoxy arrived a day ahead of schedule, and one day after I started the project. So I set about getting ready to assemble. I trimmed the oil-tanned leather to shape with hobby knives I owned for other expensive passtimes *cough*Warhammer*cough*. Once I had these blanks, I did another test fit of the layers and tried to fit the pin rod through. Here I was reminded of the aforementioned elasticity of the suede. The drill bit didn’t punch a full eighth-inch hole through the material. So I got out my leather punch. It is basically a hole punch like those used for paper, only designed to put holes in leather. I punched out a set of larger holes in the suede to stop snagging things.

    Despite using the holes in the tang as a guide for drilling, the pins didn’t fit, even without the suede. I am tempted to blame mystery causes, but the truth is, it’s my fault. My countersinks were not perfectly centered on the holes, so the corby bolts shifted the scales ever so slightly off. If you remember yesterday, The resin ivory is easy to work. A round file of small enough diameter shaved off enough resin to fit the pin stock through. There was a lot of grumbling through this stage. But it was better to find out these problems before I started with the epoxy. I was still within my margin of error for never having done this before. It could still be brought together. However, the dry-fitting told be something very important – I wanted to make sure I was in clothing I could afford to lose when I started working with the resin. The lack of a table-mounted vice meant the operation of the Corby bolts was awkward, even with two little screwdrivers. So the odds were, I’d spill on myself.

    Having changed, cut two pins off the main pin stock, andassembled my stuff, I decided I hadn’t taken enough precautions. I grabbed a giant trash bag to use as a drop cloth, and a pair of resin-mixing gloves. Okay, they’re disposable nitrile kitchen gloves. Mixing up a quarter ounce each of resin and hardener, I began my assembly, spreading epoxy on before each layer was placed, and coating the pins. Suede is a very porous material, and soaked up epoxy into its structure. After hardening, it should be a composite material akin to fiberglass or carbon fiber rod, only with organic fibers. The oil-tanned leather is less porous, and didn’t soak in as much, but still absorbed enough to have a similar effect. When initially thinking about the process before any of the dry-fits, I wondered if I needed loc-tite, or similar thread glue. But the dry fits told me there was zero chance I wasn’t going to get epoxy in the threads of the Corby bolts. This is not an issue, since I want the handle as solid as I can get it.

    Pins set, layers epoxied, I noticed a problem. The countersink that went all the way through resulted in the end separating, as it didn’t have the mechanical pressure of the other two bolts, and the leather is… squishy. Fortunately, I picked half hour epoxy, so I had time to grab some scrap plastic and a set of clamps. Fitting three clamps about the handle, I got everything back to the proper shape. Clamped up, I left it to cure overnight.

    Sure the heaps of plastic look bad, but it’s better than getting epoxy all over the room.

    Day 3 – Daily Grind

    I get home from the day job, decide to remove the clamps and peel off the plastic. Luckily, the plastic didn’t adhere to the epoxy, but the last clamp was stubborn about letting go. At first I thought I’d ripped the plastic and epoxy had seeped through. Nope, once I detatched it, the plastic was intact. But there was this big round dent. I was mortified, thinking I’d overtightened the clamp and crushed my way into the resin ivory. Finishing the plastic removal I inspected the damage. It was not so dire as my fears. I had so much epoxy that had been pressed out of the middle of the handle that it had pooled around the clamp and shaped to the bevel of the pad. This was why it was so difficult to get the clamp off. Relieved, I set about getting ready to drind down the pins and take off the excess epoxy. For this, I definately wanted a face mask. I don’t care whether or not California thinks it causes cancer, I just don’t want to be breathing that stuff in when I reduce it to dust.

    Not structual Damage

    And it occurs to me at that moment that while I do own a belt grinder, it was still in the box. So I went and opened the Amazon box. Unsurprisingly, there was another box inside, unbranded. So after disentangling this box from the Amazon box, I open it – and find another box inside. They had sent me a Matroyshka Doll in box form. Eventually, I find not more cardboard, but styrafoam. Prying it off, I unveiled a lovely piece of hardware, which I didn’t have a place for. it ended up on top of my table saw. (Fortunately, the sawblade retracts below the level of the table). Finding a breath mask and ear protection, I set about cleaning up the pins and bolts.

    Grinder all set up, I learned a few things, some of which I already knew to some extent. First, when you abraid off material, what is left heats up. Second, copper is an excellent conductor of heat. So, if you were, for example, grinding down a copper Corby bolt and hand your finger on the other end, you’re going to feel it. Third, Resin Ivory grinds easily. Fourth, eoxy-impregnated leather does not. Fifth, a belt grinder is a versitile tool that can do wonders in the hands of a skilled user. Sixth, I am not skilled with a belt grinder. Seventh, grinding produces an epic crapload of dust. I was so glad I put on a respirator mask. My first grind was pretty rough.

    After the first grind

    I realized that the layout of one of the grinder components was preventing me from doing what I needed to in order to have the shape I was looking for. I needed to adjust the location of a guard behind the belt proper. Removing the operation interlock from the power switch I took the side of the machine off. There’s no one to flick the switch, but I was about to stick my hands inside it. I saw that this white enamelled metal piece was just being held in with a paur of bolts which an allen key could operate. After loosening one and accidentally tighening the other, I got both loose and started to lower the guard. At which point I found that it was not white. It was dark blue. There was just so much resin dust coating the surface that I could no longer tell.

    The guard lowered slightly, I got more shape into the handle. I noticed that the composite leather material was by far the harder one to grind. The resin ivory essentially disappeared when subjected to the belt, so all of the resistance preventing me from absolutely wrecking the handle came from that leather/epoxy core. So what had been intended as a decorative element became a key structural one. I’m okay with that. Especially since I’d been expecting the resin ivory to be stronger. After the second grind, it was pretty good. I did have a problem. The respirator mask so essential to not breathing in the particulates also impeded the airflow to my lungs. So, I had to step away from the room and take the mask off.

    Part of me went, that is a pretty good shape for a first ever attempt. But there was another opinion rattling around in my head. It said there were things I could fix, even with my skill level. Flaws that I could remove. So, I got back in there and went for a third grind. I cleaned up a lot of the protests I had, making more refined handle than I’d had. It was still clunky and crude, and I did some hand filing and sanding to deal with areas where the grinder would do more harm than good. I even tried to polish it with beeswax. Only to very quickly discover I had no idea what I was doing. I sanded the wax off and went back to refining it with abrasives.

    After the Third Grind

    Finally, I had something that felt good in my hand. It wouldn’t win any beauty contests, but the handle is in one piece, there are no massive faults, and it will hold up. There was just one problem. There is no edge on the thing.

    It will not cut.

    Click For full Image
  • Tuesday Morning Links

    It is that time of day again, where you open your computer or mobile device and skip over all the boring writing and click “comments”.

     

     

    That’s our Joe!

     

    Today is birthdays we got Bobby Kennedy, Creepy Uncle Joe Biden, mustachioed John Bolton, Beastie Boy Mike D, and comedian Joel McHale.

     

     

    Speaking of creepy, an actress filed a petition for a restraining order against Michael Avenetti.  I’m sure that dastardly fellow Jacob Wohl is behind of this.  Damn you Wohl!

     

     

    Chipotle Manager who was fired and had her name smeared all over the internet has been offered her job back.

     

    Now who wants a mustache ride?

     

    Shooter kills doctor ex-fiance and two others including a police office after confronting her at a hospital.

     

     

    Federal Judge issues temporary restraining order against the Trump administration for refusing asylum to anyone in the caravan heading towards the border.

     

     

    The National Science Foundation (who I know from experience can’t even keep up with enforcing current basic invention reporting regulations) wants institutions accepting grant money to report sexual assault allegations.

     

     

    That’s it for me kiddos, this should help get you moving this fine ass morning.

  • SP’s Vegan Pumpkin Chia Pudding

    Sadly, the weekend site issues stomped on Web Dom’s free time to create a post, so I’m offering my vegan pumpkin dessert in her honor.

    (The Thanksgiving recipes will be back online sometime this evening.)
     
     

    SP’s Vegan Pumpkin Chia Pudding

    Even Web Dom can have a seasonal Thanksgiving dessert.

    • 1/4 c chia seeds
    • 1 c unsweetened vanilla almond milk
    • 1 tsp vanilla extract
    • 2 tsp sugar (or 10-15 drops liquid stevia, or to taste)
    • 1/4 c pumpkin puree
    • 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (or equivalent components)
    • pinch salt
    • 2 tbsp pecans (toasted and chopped)
    1. Combine chia seeds with almond milk in a medium bowl. Set aside for one hour.

    2. Add vanilla extract, sweetener of choice, pumpkin puree, pumpkin pie spice, and salt to the bowl with chia seeds and almond milk. 

    3. Process with an immersion blender until smooth. Adjust sweetener to taste.

    4. Pour into a dessert dish and top with pecans.

    We prefer less-sweet foods, so you may want to adjust the sweetness to your preference.

  • Monday Afternoon Links

    Happy Monday everyone. I hope everyone is working hard or hardly working! Whatever you can get away with this (American) Holiday weekend. I’m snowed-under with meetings as everyone frantically tries to clear their desk for a long and restful weekend.

    If Joe Biden runs in 2020, I’m raising funds to just run 1 minute ads of shot after shot after shot of “bad touch” pictures with women looking uncomfortable.

    Vox 2018 (or is it 2016?) If only the rules were different, the Democrat would have won! (Florida edition). “If we only assume this one variable changed…” in a complex system is junk.

    Trump administration causing people to drink themselves to death!! You think I’m exaggerating, but… “The Trump Administration’s tax cut last year included an 18 percent break for in the federal tax on beer, wine and liquor”

    Organized group causes terror scare in UK! Runners using white flour to mark route inspire police reaction.

    NYT angry uncle-bot does not include a libertarian option. I’m triggered! Luckily, my only uncle with political opinions will be elsewhere.

     

     

    It takes a real man to wear an animal print shirt and a different print tie! This is also in the running for highest energy song, lowest energy video. Turn the sound off for 20 seconds and try to figure out what the tune is… not what I would guess.

     

  • Radical Individualism is a Blight on the Libertarian Movement

    I’ve written in the past about my view of rights. Specifically, I see them as characteristics of relationships. To paint with a broad brush, they’re the boundaries of the authority a party can assume within a certain relationship. I really like the way it tidies up certain libertarian gray zones, like minors and animals.

    Anyway, there are two ways that libertarians tend to view rights: Deferentialism and Restraintism. Deferentialism is “live and let live.” Restraintism is “mind your own business.” My conception of rights as characteristics of relationships falls heavily on the Restraintist side. One of the big themes of my article on these libertarian views of rights is that Deferentialism cedes any moral standing, but Restraintism retains moral standing. I wrote:

    Deferentialism is ineffective in two ways. First, people, even Deferentialists, tend to have a line drawn in the sand where they shift from relativistic deference to the individual to a more absolutist stance. For example, Cosmotarians tend to be Deferentialists up to the point where their particular identity politics ox is gored. Second, Deferentialism gives no answer to Cultural Marxism. Deferentialists are either forced to kowtow to the virulent left, or they end up drifting authoritarian.

    Radical Individualism is very strongly correlated with Deferentialism. The radical individualist not only rejects the government meddling that all libertarians loathe, but they also reject any attempt of society, the community, family, or friends to influence their behavior. I believe that the moral relativism inherent in “live and let live” results in a wholecloth rejection of authority, even in situations where the authority may be legitimate. In order to stay philosophically consistent, the radical individualist ends up sounding like the punk 17 year old whining that his parents can’t tell him what to do anymore. This is the most superficial way that radical individualism harms broader libertarianism.

    "man is by nature a social being since he stands in need of many vital things which he cannot come by through his own unaided effort. Hence he is naturally part of a group by which assistance is given him that he may live well. He needs this assistance with a view to life as well as to the good life." - Thomas Aquinas
    “You can tell me what to do, daddy”

    Libertarianism has a reputation for being something you grow out of once you get real life experience. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that it makes sense on paper, but the real world is too complex for it to work. I think that a large portion of that sentiment comes from the outsized influence of the most virulent form of radical individualism, Objectivism. I’ll freely admit that I’ve never read a word of Rand, and I’m not beating the library’s door down to get a copy of Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged. However, her influence is felt far and wide through the libertarian movement, and it undergirds the complaints that libertarianism is a pipe dream of maladjusted teenagers.

    Taking it down another level, the radical individualist answer to the complexities of the real world tends to be “fuck everything except for my rights.” You’re never going to hear me get squishy on self-ownership, but when this all or nothing attitude transcends the government-citizen relationship, the line blurs between fervent defender of self-ownership and weapons grade asshole.

    Not to pick on her, but Nikki’s view on children is an outcropping of radical individualism. (For those who do not remember, Nikki basically believed that children had full agency and that parental discipline/guidance/control was essentially a form of abuse). Despite the fact that the parent-child authority dynamic is perfectly natural and is seen in many species besides our own, Nikki’s complete inability to decouple the illegitimate authority of the state from the legitimate authority of parents led to a facially ridiculous outcome. Whether viewed emotionally, in a utilitarian lens, practically, or in a principled lens, treating children as having full agency is a non-starter.

    "man’s natural instinct moves him to live in civil society, for he cannot, if dwelling apart, provide himself with the necessary requirements of life, nor procure the means of developing his mental and moral faculties" - Pope Leo XIII
    “I’m gonna make sure you listen to me next time, you brat!”

    Just because the most visible and outspoken authority is abused doesn’t mean that there is no legitimate authority in the world. However, most legitimate authority is voluntary authority. I listen to my boss’s instructions because I want to be paid. The day I no longer need my paycheck is the day that my boss loses his authority over me.

    Of course, I’m talking in abstraction when it comes to authority relationships as if a person has carte blanche authority over another. Every authority relationship has boundaries. In the government context, those boundaries are called rights. In a familial context, violation of those boundaries is called abuse. In social settings, those boundaries are called manners, propriety, or a handful of other names.

    However, I don’t think this point needs any more belaboring. It’s not particularly interesting or controversial to say that all relationships have boundaries.

    What’s more interesting is Distributism, specifically their foundational belief that the nuclear family is the base social unit, not the individual. I’m sympathetic to this belief primarily because I think that the modern shift away from traditional family has been on the back of government programs and government incentives. If I were to jump to the crux of the issue with radical individualism, I think this is it: radical individualism is unsustainable absent government subsidy.

    Literal individualism (never marrying, never procreating) is self-defeating as a concept. You live your life, you die, and your specific form of individualism is gone like a fart on the wind. Not saying you can’t live this way or that society should disfavor people who live this way, but it’s a transient way of life. You cannot base a society on a concept that, if practiced by all, would result in the extinction of your society within one generation.

    Subsidized individualism (single parenthood, divorce, etc.) only works because government is paying for it. I was watching The Sands of Iwo Jima the other day, and there was a scene where a woman tries to trap John Wayne’s character into a marriage because her husband had run out on her (or died in the war, I forget which). Being a single parent in the 19th and early 20th centuries was ROUGH. There was no “affordable preschool”, there were no flexible work hours, there was no FMLA. There were no anti-discrimination laws for hiring single moms. By and large, people remarried quickly and relied on family to help them out in the interim. Family was necessary…. fundamental, even.

    The subsidies go even further than you see at first glance. Even though all demographics take advantage of the “free” public schooling available to babysit their kids for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for 13 years, the effects of removing that subsidy would be felt quite unevenly across demographics. Nuclear families, while being thoroughly inconvenienced (especially those who have an inflated two income lifestyle), have the blueprint to retake supervisory authority over their kids. One parent works. One watches the kids. Icky patriarchial family structure.

    What about subsidized individualists? What happens to the single mom or dad when the government subsidies go away? Sure, the affluent can afford hired help for raising the kids, but the masses can’t afford such a thing. The masses… they could go broke paying for daycare/private school, and a few probably would. Most would change their situation by either creating a nuclear family or relying on extended family to help out. Either way, family is the core. When you take the subsidies away, all that is left is family.

    This is why radical individualism is a blight on libertarianism. It’s either self-defeating on a societal level (in the case of literal individualism), or it’s based on a lifestyle that is antithetical to libertarianism on a societal level (in the case of subsidized individualism).

     

    "Mommy's going to drown me in the bathtub later, isn't she?"
    You know what would make this dynamic even better? A whole bunch of government incentives aligned to tear this family apart!

    I didn’t really address voluntary community in this article for two reasons. 1) I’m not convinced that community isn’t a form of extended family. 2) Voluntary community has a history of helping on the fringes, not massively altering the incentives across society.

    Instead of turning this into an essay, I’ll just leave a few questions for the commentariat’s consideration. If the family is the base unit of society, what does a dysfunctional family mean for society? Does any of this actually matter when it comes to governance, or is it just useful as a framework to convince others to embrace libertarianism? How do individuals interact in a family-centric society?

  • Monday Morning What The Hell Happened Links?

    Sorry about the weekend folks, all of our great technicians were working on fixing all the issues our site had over the weekend.  We tried yelling at it, we tried romancing it, we tried turning it off and on and nothing seemed to work.  So we relaxed and allowed our website host to fix it and all got nicely hammered.

     

    This should satisfy the Star Trek nerds for the day.

     

     

    Birthday today? Congrats, you share it with 20th President of the US, James Garfield, Larry King, founder of the enemy of the people, Ted Turner, Calvin Klein, mediocre actress, Meg Ryan, talented actress, Jodie Foster, and nerd’s actress, Terry Farrell.

     

     

     

    Try me with cyanide!

     

     

    Yesterday was the 40 year anniversary of drinking the Flavor Aid.

     

     

     

    After another Broward County election shitshow, Brenda Snipes submitted her resignation.

     

     

     

     

     

    Hollywood actors pretend to be relevant.  I mean seriously, the boycotting a whole state thing is beyond laughable.  And what exactly do they think the Georgian government is going to do? Disobey their own laws and have a whole new election until the person they want to win, wins. The modern left lost the little remainder of their batshit minds.

     

     

    Chipotle may have set themselves up for another wrongful termination lawsuit.

     

     

     

    New York Times, still sucking the dicks of communist totalitarian states.

     

     

    The bus driver who saved the lives of 22 children and their teacher.

     

     

     

     

    That’s all I got for now, this should give you a nice kick in the ass to get you moving for the day.