Blog
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Friday Morning Links
I can’t believe I’ve made it to the end of this week. Its been a journey, to say the least. I’m working on another auction, but this one is an old bar/ice house and then someone’s house that the personal property has been taken over to the bar. And let’s just say that the guy’s tastes are…eclectic. I’ve got gas pumps from the 30s, several hundred unopened Matchbox cars from the 60s and 70s, video poker machines, a dozen pedal cars from the 40s-60s, pieces of coal from the Titanic, a Nazi trash can, a baseball card signed by Mantle and DiMaggio, a million old metal beer and gas/oil signs (one a Texaco sign that’s 108″ wide!), about 50 neon beer signs, a perfectly restored Coke machine from the 30s and a Seeburg Trashcan jukebox, and a 1955 chevy truck chassis. What a mix. And I’ve still got a shitload of work to do.
I have to find a way to get rid of one of those lots, because there’s no way in hell I’m gonna auction it off.
Arizona, Gonzaga and Wichita State all won, while Arizona State continued fading fast and Clemson fell to NC State. And in the Big Ten, Ohio State kept kicking ass by thumping Maryland.In hockey, the Sabres, Hurricanes and Flames won. And in the NFL, LeVeon Bell doesn’t understand the CBA he agreed to play under. Well, that or he understands it but is willing to retire rather than make $14M a year under it. Either way, he picked a hell of a week to start bitching.
That’s all for sports (and my personal anecdote about work. Let’s talk about other things for a while in…the links!
Totally not a shithole, you racist jerk! Trump asks a legitimate question in an inarticulate way. I wonder the reaction if he’d have said “why can’t we be like 99% of the rest of the world, and have a merit-based immigration system?” instead of calling nations with corrupt governments, completely failing education systems, policies and systems largely incompatible with ours, and large percentages of their people requiring extensive handouts “shitholes”?
There’s nothing wrong with having a side business, but I’m not too sure about this one. Though, tbh, unless it violates the contract they signed with the people paying for their primary services, I fail to see why its any of the FBI’s business.
Speaking of government agencies who exceed their authority, the TSA are doing retarded-ass shit again. Not that they ever stopped or even slowed down. I just wanted to point out their retardation…as well as what appears to be a fairly attractive young lady.
Bella Thorne shows her ass (not in the good way for those of you who might find her vacant expression or other assets attractive), and Rob Lowe promptly puts his boot up it. I mean…damn, girl! You might want to sit twitter out for a while.
Jon Gruden is already making waves in California. (No, this doesn’t belong in the sports section.)
The new Raiders coach on his way to work. Talk about bad timing. But that’s ok. He’ll probably get elected since the district he’s in charge of is doing so well.
And lastly, maybe our resident vampire-hunter can shed a little light on this. Because its new to me.
Here you go. Enjoy it the entire time you’re reading the rest of the links.
Have a great Friday, and get the weekend off to a good start, friends.
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Thursday Afternoon Links!
Happy Thursday everyone. This will be my last links of the week as I am attending a nuptials tomorrow afternoon. Given the invite list, I think it is safe to say that I am going to be encouraged to drink heavily after the ceremony. And perhaps before and during! And then my beautiful wife is turning 29 (again!) on Saturday. So, I’m basically mailing it in from here on out. Starting with the links!
As a “libertarian”, I’m not sure I’m in favor of any more government “control” than they already have, but I do admire this congressman’s idea that the US in more in need of “idiot control” than another gun law.
Mr. Lizard left his orbital shuttle out of the garage for one day… Britain begins to feel its way towards the proud pan-European tradition of holding referendums until they get a vote they like, then quitting.
Listen, buddy, don’t fuck up the commute because you’re an idiot. Pick a less disruptive form of autodarwination.
Florida Man gets a new, faster ride. For when you absolutely, positively have to get to your meth dealer in minutes.
What happens when a country boy drops acid?
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Hat and Hair Comics: The Chicken Cometh
And from CPRM, source of all that is good… HOUSE PAR-TAY!
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Thursday Morning Links
::Stupid WiFi went out halfway through links so no pics until/if it comes back up doing the links with a tablet is bad enough finding, loading and placing the photos is too tall a task for my marginal skills::
::UPDATE: I put a couple images in there. I’m doing the best I can!::
The days are getting longer, thank God. But the work never seems to get done. At least that’s how the people at the Fritz Pollard Alliance feel. After all, a person looking for a problem everywhere is likely never done working until they’re planted in the ground. And seriously, the Raiders have always been out ahead of things on the diversity front. Maybe pick another target next time, eh?
By the way, that still counts as sports. So do these results in college basketball: Duke won, Michigan State bounced back after Ohio State crushed them over the weekend, Villanova thumped Xavier, Texas upset TCU, and Louisville upset Florida State, which means…hooker party in the players dorm!!!
Only two games on the ice last night. The Senators took down the Maple Leafs and the Minnesooooda WIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLDDDD snuck past the Blackhawks. I guess they wish they had a few of those goals back from last night.
Across the pond, Chelski and Arsenhole played to a lifeless, goalless draw in the first leg of their League (read: JV) Cup semifinal.
No more sports for you. Mainly because nothing else is going on. So I’ll just move on into…the links!
The Republican Governor of Missouri is in a bit of a pickle. But he says he never blackmailed the lady he had an affair with a couple years ago. Either way, I thought the non-famous person was supposed to blackmail the politician, not the other way around. Meh, live and learn.
If image is everything, then our country is on the right track.
James Franco being…James Franco. Is James Franco the next Hollywood star that’s going down for sexual assault/misconduct? The number of women accusing him of such has reached five in just a few days.
I don’t usually like to spread rumors, but I’ll go ahead and share this one, because I believe that we will hit $80 a barrel oil very soon. But don’t expect Venezuela to be the recipient of those profits. Much of the increase will happen because their wells will be offline.
Huh-huh. Nice rack, California. The California government is poised to fuck up on the “clean energy” front once more. Its like words don’t even have meaning to those morons.
Get out there and enjoy your day!
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Linky Wednesday Open Post
As of 2:45pm Central, we had over 80 links posted by commenters today – some were duplicates of links from yesterday by staff, some were duplicates of other commenters links from yesterday or today …[Boiling bats, Huma divorce on hold, etc].
So it appears you all have much share. So you get an open post whatever it is you wish to share, or carry on conversations from dead threads.
Enjoy!
P.S. If you think this would be a good post to have, periodically – please mention that in the comments.
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Wednesday Afternoon Links
Thanks to SP for filling in for me yesterday. I had to get a chipped tooth fixed so I can escape immediate identification as Florida Man until after my unstable and dangerous behavior really takes off. In some new-to-me sports news it looks like the Astros are trying to avoid becoming one-hit-wonders. Or maybe aspiring to become one-hit-wonders. Insert your “traded for more good pitching” pun here.
Canadian hitchhiker
brutally dismembered in Philly. Nobody is surprised by this.Good news. A little caress for your junk.
I would like to remind everyone that I no longer reside in Tallahassee.
For those of you wondering if you have a drinking problem — there’s a website for that! I’m just going to suggest that if the police or lack of funds are your regular ways of stopping, you might want to see about changing things. Or if you’re the chick in the picture.
Here’s a homeless guy singing a drinking song.
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Wednesday Morning Links
Get your hot coffee in? Good!
Well it looks like my focus is gonna drift to college basketball, soccer and hockey for the next little bit. I apologize in advance for those of you who hate real sports. But take solace in the fact that the links will soon be replete with updates on silly shit like ice dancing, cross country skiing and ::gasp!:: curling! But until then…
West Virginia, UVA, Purdue, Kansas, UNC, UK, Auburn, Tennessee and Creighton all beat unranked teams. Seton Hall got drilled by unranked Marquette while Oklahoma prevailed over Texas Tech in a battle of top ten teams.
On the ice, the Jets beat the woeful Sabres, the Crapitals took down the Canucks, the Peredators topped the Oilers, The Panthers topped the Blues, the Lightning struck against the Hurricanes, the Flames beat the Minnesoda WIIIIIIILLLLDDD, and the Blackhawks hung dog balls on the Senators.
Man City just kept on winning in the League Cup, where they prevailed with a b-side in their first semifinal leg against Bristol City. Chelsea play Arsenhole today in their first leg, in what has suddenly become priority number one for the gooners.
That’s the sports update. Now come…the links!
Mudslides in Southern California 13 dead in Southern California as torrential rains following a series of wildfires left the areas vulnerable. Several have been hospitalized, four in critical condition. Many more are unaccounted for, so expect that death toll to rise. Stay safe, SoCal Glibs. You’re in our thoughts and prayers.
New Hampshire and pot: soon to be a legal thing. New Hampshire legislature, not waiting on a study to be completed, has taken a big step toward legalizing recreational use of marijuana. I’m telling you, the Sessions move will precipitate this getting to Congress before the fall elections and you’re gonna see the right thing done the right way (real legalization, not this quasi-legal, “turn the other way when its convenient but leave the laws on the books” bullshit that leads down a path to rule of man vs rule of law.
Stunning…and brave. I can see it happening at the media’s awards shows, since that entire industry seems to run on sexual favors and rampant abuse. But the State Of The Union? This might have been more appropriate, oh, 20 years ago. But it wound have been part of a right-wing conspiracy then, as opposed to a gallant stand by leftists, who tend to populate the industries in much greater numbers where this abuse is rampant. But somehow I think their target is not the guy or gal looking them in the mirror every day.
Kodak’s shares double in value in one day after they announced the launch of their own cryptocurrency (KODAKcoin) to be used by photographers.
Thankfully it was far enough away from land. A powerful earthquake hit the Caribbean, with several smaller tremors following. The tsunami threat appears to have diminished.
Exxon Mobil struck back at California communities that had sued the oil company blaming them for “climate change”.
Nice jersey, redneck. At first, I was relieved when I saw this in a Cleveland paper. Then I realized this idiocy had happened in the Cincinnati area. Way to go Kings, you bunch of dumbasses.
As an aside, I want to note that my first competitive darts team were called the Cleveland Steamers and we won the CVDA (Richmond, what’s up?!) B League in our first year of play. The trophy is still in Breakers West End to this day. After the league “requested” we change our name, we were runners-up in the A League our next two years as…The Shockers.
No time left for more links.
Gotta get to work. Make today the best Wednesday of the year so far. Take care, friends.
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Jewsday Tuesday: Bar Mitzvahs, Half-a-Torah, and Monster Fish
Mea culpa, I’ve missed Bible stories long enough that we’re already through Bereshit and already in Shemot (that’s Genesis and Exodus, respectively, for all you goyishe kopfs). So I thought I’d check out this week’s Torah reading and… weird coincidence which sidetracked me. Allow me to explain.
You heathens have no doubt heard of Bar Mitzvahs*, and have some idea that it’s the passage of a (((boy))) into manhood at the first Shabbat following his 13th birthday. Not that you can get served at a bar, so the first part is clearly misleading, it’s the Aramaic word for “son.” The expression, translated literally as “son of the commandment,” stands for the concept that at this age, you’re required to follow the 613 commandments handed down by Yahweh to Moses. Oh, and there’s seven more that the rabbis made up** to make a nice round 620, so there’s a Pharisaical nutpunch as punctuation. More importantly, at that age, your father no longer has responsibility for your fuckups of religious ritual and taboo. In fact, traditionally, he says a prayer of thanks that when his kid does stupid teenage shit, it’s not his responsibility any more.
Where did that magic number of 13 come from? Yahweh? Moses? Nope, this is all part of the Pharisees taking over Judaism after the Saduccees got evicted from the Temple. It appears nowhere in the Torah, so again tradition has become rule of law (as in so many things). Rabbis were very good at making up shit like that, then claiming that it was the invisible ink part of the law that you had to be a rabbi to understand. Their takeover of Year Zero Judaism was quite analogous to how the Mullahs took over Shi’ite Islam, but with the added bonus of eventually getting their man-made stuff codified- good luck finding a Sadducee or an Essene these days.
In any case, if you’re one of (((us))), you’re automatically Bar Mitzvah at that age, no ceremony necessary. Sort of like reaching drinking age. Nonetheless, (((people))) love ceremony, so that’s become inextricably bound to the Bar Mitzvah concept. As part of the tradition, the Bar Mitzvah man-boy reads the seventh portion of the sedra and the entire Haftorah during the Shabbos service following his birthday.
Which leads us to… what the fuck is that?
OK, first the Torah stuff. You’ll recall that the Torah is divided into sedras, analogous to the goyishe chapters, though beginning and ending in different places. Each shabbos, a sedra is read, in order, until we’re through reading the entire Torah at the end of the year (celebrated as the holiday of Simchas Torah). Each weekly reading (sedra) is divided into seven parts, and as an honor, seven men from the congregation are chosen to read each of the parts- it is symbolic that the Bar Mitzvah reads the seventh part as part of the recognition of manhood.
Next, the Haftorah. As a kid, I figured that meant “one scroll instead of two,” but I was a warped kid. In actuality, a Haftorah is another one of those made-up rabbinical things that no-one quite knows how it got there, but hey, it’s there. It’s a reading after the seven portions of the sedra, but taken from the Prophets instead of from the Torah. In theory, it’s supposed to have some linkage to the weekly sedra, but that linkage is often mysterious to us non-rabbinical sorts. The whole origin of the Haftorah concept is fuzzy- there are numerous hypotheses, and every one of them has a hole that would make a bagel proud. As is my custom, I’ll blame the rabbis.
Anyway, the Haftorah is there for the Bar Mitzvah to read. Or more properly, sing. And you’re not allowed to pick the tune, there’s a set system called cantillation which specifies how the Haftorah is sung. And Jews being what we are, that’s all confused as well, with about a zillion different cantillation systems in place depending on where you’re from, what book you’re reading, and likely the time of day and the weather. And there’s even different Haftorahs associated with the sedra, depending on which sub-strain of Judaism you’re in.
About six months before the Bar Mitzvah, the poor kid starts taking lessons so he doesn’t fuck up the lyrics or the tune. The cantillation comes first, with a practice set of words with markings- each mark is a musical phrase, so the kid spends hours singing the Jew equivalent of Doe Re Mi before being turned loose on an unsuspecting Haftorah. Then months practicing the Haftorah until it’s practically memorized, though there’s a cheat sheet on the alter to help the kid out on the Big Day. Now just because this is a sadistic tradition, the kid then has to learn the cantillation for the Torah portion, which is a whole different system. And when he sings the Torah part, there’s no vowels or cantillation marks so it’s gotta be memorized as well, no cheat sheets.
After all this, the kid soon finds out that no-one thinks of it as his Bar Mitzvah. Nope, it’s his mother’s Bar Mitzvah. No one is going to say, “Are you going to Barry’s Bar Mitzvah?” but you’ll hear, “Are you going to Shirley’s Bar Mitzvah?” Maybe that’s because of the big party that the family throws afterward, where the kid is given his official Jew Gold and his bag of fake Jew Gold to fool the goyim.
So… why this diversion from the fascinating story from this week’s sedra? It has Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, plagues, and a cast of thousands wearing Egyptian costumes. You’d expect that I’d do a retelling. But when I looked up this week’s sedra to start writing, I had a bit of a startle- IT WAS THE SEDRA AND HAFTORAH FROM MY FUCKING BAR MITZVAH! I’m still traumatized from it. See, because I have a good musical ear and was a bit brighter than average, my rabbi decided that I ought to be especially privileged and honored, so I was forced to learn the entire sedra, not just the usual seventh portion, and had to sing that for my Bar Mitzvah as well as my Haftorah. Thanks, Seymour, thanks a fucking lot. That’s why I’m an atheist now.
At the party afterward, my buddies and I all snuck away and got high, and I got a congratulatory BJ from (((Shelley))), so at least there was that.
*There’s also a horror known as a Bas Mitzvah, or Bat Mitzvah in Sephardic dialect, which applies to 12 year old girls. I shall ignore this entirely because the transition from brat to JAP is not a pleasant one for anyone involved.
**Yes, I know, the other 613 are made up, too. But not by the rabbis. If you’re religious, by Yahweh. If you’re secular, by the priests.
