Blog

SP and Webdominatrix are on a road trip to visit my mother in Del Boca Vista. This leaves me all alone here, and, rascal that I am, hijinx are ensuing. While they spent last night drinking with SugarFree as he spun yarns of horror, I was taking more direct action.

Anyway, enough about us, let’s look at what’s going on in the world.

Does this sound familiar?  Brave officers of the law wait outside, while inside a killer does his thing. But all of our heroes in blue got home safely, so that’s the important thing. This, of course, could not have actually happened in California, because they have gun laws which should be a model for the rest of us. And “Wong” does not sound like the name of a young white male, and we all know they’re the only ones who do this shit.

I suspect that not many here need convincing that any politician named Kennedy is presumably a boneheaded drunk who is a danger to any women nearby. But Joe Kennedy III may have won the prize, showing that Team Blue icons don’t even bother pretending any more. They are statist thugs, through and through, who are happy to put people in cages for offending their own set of preferences.

Recalling his days working as a state prosecutor when Massachusetts voted in 2008 to decriminalize marijuana, Kennedy said the decision affected the ability of police officers to search and seize other illegal items, such as guns, from vehicles. “If you smelled [marijuana] in a car, you could search a car,” Kennedy said. “When it became decriminalized, you couldn’t do that.”

My suggestion to young Joe is to take a convertible ride through Dealy Plaza. Nice and slowly.

WTF are the Browns doing? Trying to win a game next year???

I remember that this was a big story when I was a teenager, but it was a guy on LSD, which was the Panic Drug at the time. Turned out to be an urban legend. So I’m kinda skeptical that this one is real.

Katy Tompkins, mother to Kaylee and six other kids, said she supposes Kaylee first began utilized meth inadvertently a year ago, when somebody gave her cannabis bound with the medication.

So we get a Drug Panic Two-Fer.

I read the Kurt Vonnegut book. This did not end well. Busy, busy, busy!

Old Guy Music! This is not only funny, it is some fucking terrific guitar playing.

RAAAHHR! STEVE SMITH CHASING BIG STONE HEAD! HIM HAVE KITTY THAT KILL STEVE SMITH BUNNY, MR. FLOPEARS! GET CLOSE TO PLACE HIM HIDE … VORTEX! AAAAHH!!!! STEVE SMITH POUNCE ON PUNY ETERNALS OUTSIDE! BY POUNCE ON, MEAN RAPE!

…

…

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SOUND I’VE EVER HEARD:
MAY, MAY, MAY, MAY…
ALL THE BEAUTIFUL SOUNDS OF THE WORLD IN A SINGLE WORD
MAY, MAY, MAY, MAY…
MAY, MAY…

MAY!
I’VE JUST RAPED AN ETERNAL NAMED MAY
AND SUDDENLY THAT NAME
WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
TO ME

MAY!
I’VE JUST RAPED AN ETERNAL NAMED MAY
AND SUDDENLY I’VE FOUND
HOW WONDERFUL A SOUND
CAN BE!

MAY!
SAY IT LOUD AND THERE’S MUSIC PLAYING
SAY IT SOFT AND IT’S ALMOST LIKE PRAYING
MAY…
I’LL NEVER STOP RAPING MAY!

STEVE SMITH NOT KNOW WHAT DO…SO HIM GIVE YOU LINKS, AND GO THINK…ABOUT MAY!

1. STEVE SMITH WONDER WHO ELSE RAID OFFICES OF AUSTRIAN DOMESTIC INTELLIGENCE SERVICE?
2. STEVE SMITH HOPE THEY ALL GET FAMILY BACK. STEVE SMITH MORE OF “CATCH AND RELEASE” TYPE. BY CATCH, MEAN RAPE.
3. THIS CONFUSE STEVE SMITH – CORRUPT SLOVAK POLITICIANS AND ITALIAN MAFIA? SOUND LIKE BAD NOVEL.
4. MIGHT HAVE TO UPDATE MAP, AND ADD VORTEX! IF YOU GO THESE PLACES, FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE, BE CAREFUL!

…

…

*ZARDOZ COMMANDS ALL BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO GATHER AT THE VORTEX!*

Good lord, this has been an exhausting week.  But its gonna end on a high note, as I’ll hopefully be playing golf in the 70s (temp and score) by the early afternoon. And I’ll be drinking a beer every third hole. That’s the plan anyway.  I hope it comes to pass, as I just got another auction signed up that will start taking a lot of my time starting Monday.  Which reminds me: Dallas Glibs, reach out to me and let’s get together one night this next week. The sale is up there and I’ll be in a hotel from Monday-Thursday.  Not sure where, but probably the Galleria area.  I’d definitely be up for a beer or two while in town.

Hey, I guess I was wrong about Arsenal. Wenger will live to coach another week at least. Still, all eyes are on Manchester, where the countdown to the HUGE match between the Red Devils and Liverpool is less than 24 hours away.  And in other sports news, UVA crushed Louisville, and the world rejoiced.  Duke won, and the world wept. Ditto UNC. Kansas is getting their shit together. The Texas Tech Red Raiders got a big win over Texas University. And Villanova and Xavier are on a collision course in the Big East.

Meanwhile, on the ice, a whopping 12 games played yesterday.  Winners were: Boston, Winnepeg, Columbus, Buffalo, Army/Vegas, Tampa Bay, Nashville, Carolina, Florida, Edmonton, Los Angeles and San Jose. The MINNESOOOOOOOOOOODA WIIIIIIIIIIILD were off.

Today we celebrate the birthday of Amerigo Vespucci, without whom the entirety of North America might still be a continent of savagery, brutal buffalo hunting and some pretty cool alternative medicine. Sharing the birthday with America is Vyacheslav Molotov, whose cocktails have been keeping revolutionaries and terrorists drunk with excitement for a hundred years or more. Also, Mickey Spillane, Ornette Coleman (for the jazz fans), Yuri Gagarin (for you Space Nuts), chess player Bobby Fischer, house guest Kato Kaelin, hottie Linda Fiorentina, steroid aficionado Brian Bosworth, and supermodel Yamila Diaz.  Happy Birthday, you crazy kids.

Is that part of the installment working?  Shall I keep it or drop it from the rotation? Anybody suggesting I replace the sports with it will get the cat-ass, so don’t bother (UCS). Anyway, that’s the salad. Now get ready for the steak. And by steak, I mean…the links!

Then quit, you crazy bitch. I mean…Christ, what an asshole.

Diplomacy: Trump style. I do like the fact that he’s clearly said that sanctions will stay in place until an agreement is reached.  I just hope he doesn’t fall prey to the same mistake every President before him for a few decades has fallen for and give away a bunch of free shit only for the Kim regime to renege on every one of the terms they agreed to.  Only time will tell if this bears fruit, but its interesting nonetheless.

Quantas Airlines takes retardation to the corporate level. Seriously, read the guidelines they put in place…and check the itinerary for your next trip down under and ensure you fly another carrier. Because if this is their way of thinking on human interactions, I have to wonder if they make equally stupid decisions regarding maintenance. (And yes, I know their record has been exemplary to this point. But that’s when they allowed their employees to interact with customers and coworkers as normal human beings would.)

In Chicago communities ravaged by “gun violence”, students are hoping Parkland will lead to change are ignoring the root problem and seek to blame everything on inanimate objects rather than the disintegrating family unit, shitty schools, an unresponsive government and most importantly, the individuals carrying out the violent acts. Good luck, dumbasses. Just because you live in a community rife with violence and have cops that are above the law, don’t think you’re gonna get my guns.

I like this lady’s way of thinking. Although I think those kids need a lesson in grammar as well as manners.  Also, is 7km a long walk? Speak American, dammit!

I hope this prick gets tossed in jail for the rest of his life. I mean, he maintained his lie for several years in sworn statements. But if you’ll notice, many of his peers are calling any action against him wrong-headed.  At least take his pension away and let his victims sue him for every penny he has.  That would be a start.

Enjoy some fine sampling.

Have a great day and a great weekend, friends!

Too often, we say things without really thinking or considering their overall social impact. Of this I was guilty, and SugarFree justifiably suspended me from substitute links duty for two days so I could think it over. The Founders sat me in a chair and went through my shortcomings as a human and as someone who has a duty to set an example of exemplary behavior. After 72 hours of non-stop criticism and struggle, with no let-up for sleep, I finally came to understand the depths of my counter-revolutionary offenses. I shall endeavor to do better henceforth. I also agreed to stop masturbating into the potted plants in our staff office.

And so, on this International Women’s Day, we mark the fall of this former hero of the progressive right-thinkers. Coming next, Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize striped from him for starting five new wars, slaughtering civilians, and destroying sovereign countries who never attacked us… oh yeah, right, like that’s gonna happen.

I think I’m beginning to understand why I find the Trump presidency so off-putting- it really is being run like a reality TV show, and I am (to put it mildly) not a fan of reality TV shows.

Speaking of “entertainment,” how do we make something that’s already stupid even worse. Oh, I know! Or even worse, take something that was really good and needed nothing else and… add something else. (Disclaimer: Even though we loved Breaking Bad, we were quite happy with Better Call Saul. Consistency is not my leading virtue.)

I like this kid, though I wonder if he shot any dogs or groped any girls he pulled over.

Wasn’t this a Seinfeld?

This is my kind of political candidate. And this, dear friends, is MY kind of band.

Thursday is here, and we’re just two days away from that big clash at near the top of the EPL.  But first, let’s all acknowledge Man City for joining Liverpool in the UCL quarterfinals. And let’s point and laugh at Spurs for getting knocked out yesterday. The JV tournament games are today, with Arsenal attempting to stop the embarrassing level of play against AC Milan. Good luck, Wenger. Lose this and you probably ought to just go away tomorrow.

“Jeez, a soccer update right out of the gate” you say?  Don’t worry. There’s more to the sports world. Carolina and Louisville managed to win, Oklahoma continued to play like absolute shit and fell, in my opinion, out of the NCAA tournament for good after losing to Okie State.  Bucknell punched its ticket to the dance. And Va Tech continued its schizo ways by falling to Notre Dame, and BC knocked off NC State.  Much more drama today on the hardcourt.

Only three games on tap in the NHL, with Calgary thumping the Sabres, the Penguins doing the same to cross-state rival Philly. And the Phoenix Coyotes knocking off the Vancouver Canucks.  Suck on that, Canada.

Its not every day we get to celebrate the birthday of a man whose work led to help so many people. But today we celebrate the birthday of Karl Ferdinand von Graefe, who is largely credited as the father of plastic surgery.  And yes, that means he helped usher in big, ol fake titties. But by “help”, I’m actually referring to the corrective surgeries he helped create like correcting cleft palates, reconstructing other facial deformities and other plastic surgeries that have helped countless people live a more normal life who were largely shunned prior to the developments Graefe helped usher in.  Sharing that birthday is the “eminent” jurist and asshole hater of the 1A, Oliver Wendell Holmes. Also born on this day were Alan Hale, the skipper from Gilligan’s Island, Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees, the lovely Kathy Ireland, American treasure James Van Der Beek, Hines Ward and a certain writer who we are not supposed to talk about who used to write for a certain website.  Happy Birthday, Lucy Steigerwald.

Man, the pre-links news is starting to spiral out of control.  But its good to find out a little trivial information before we step into…the links!

This is a giant pile of big mistakes. Sent two the wrong address…of a meth dealer…totally unprepared. I am already prepared to see calls for more police militarization and a ramping up of the drug war in the wake of this fiasco.

Obviously the biggest story of the day will be that the incoming Trump administration had meetings to set up backchannel communications with a foreign government after he had been elected but before the inauguration. How dare they try to set up communications with a nation the prior admin had been completely hostile to, free from the prying eyes of the outgoing team’s surveillance and outside the “normal protocols” where the outgoing crew took every meeting they were privy to and leaked its contents in the most damaging way possible to your administration.

Boo fucking Hoo. I sure hope Nancy Pelosi and crew sell this to the American public as Trump’s war on the middle class at the expense of the rich.  Because if they do, it will end up with another tax cut on the table just to piss them off. Or maybe it will result in taxpayers from states with huge income taxes, like California’s, will start asking questions about why they pay so much in tax to feed the retirement programs of state unions who let employees pad their salaries in the waning years in order to retire with more money a year than they ever actually earned through their base pay.  Either way, its a losing argument I can’t wait for them to make.

In Chicago, the mayor will be forced to give a sworn deposition in the police shooting and killing of a man holding a baseball bat and an innocent bystander. The city had persistently resisted the depositions for some unknown reason, but now Hizzoner Rahm Emmanuel and police Superintendent Eddie Johnson will be put under oath.

Maybe instead of trying to disarm people like you and me, the cops ought to focus their energies on nut jobs like this guy. Nah. That would mean doing their job, which is way too tough.

Looks like the Women’s March has got some ‘splainin to do. LOL, JK. They’ll get a pass on their relationship and adulation of the horrible racist because his views aren’t that mainstream.  And because there is much more dangerous rhetoric coming from the  racist right, who is becoming more mainstream.*

*David Duke, known racist, has 47,000 twitter followers. Farrakhan has 480,000. But its the right whose “racism” is more dangerous and mainstream, right NYT?

I love it when gun control advocates say how much safer people are in countries with strict gun control. Well I’ve got news for them: this is also what happens when innocent people are forced to live in a nation with corrupt police and strict gun control. I can assure you the cartel members that did this would be thinking twice if they weren’t sure every person they tried to intimidate and terrorize was unarmed.

Sorry to end on such a downer. Let’s see if this lovely song makes up for it at all.

Now get out there and seize the day!

I am gonna slap the damn taste outta your mouth…

Snowflake students claim Frankenstein’s monster was ‘misunderstood’ — and is in fact a VICTIM

English author Mary Shelley’s classic novel Frankenstein has terrified millions since it was first published in 1818.

In it, scientist Victor Frankenstein’s monster gets snubbed by society and then murders his creator’s brother, pal and bride. But an academic has revealed growing support for the beast in the introduction to a 200th anniversary edition of the book.

Prof Nick Groom, of Exeter University, said: “When I teach the book now, students are very sentimental towards the being. But he is a mass murderer.”

He then asked: “If he’s not human, but he is intelligent and sentient, does he have rights?”Mary Shelley expert Professor David Punter, of Bristol University, said: “It’s a familiar story isn’t it, someone with a terrible upbringing going on to commit terrible crimes.

“The monster does deserve sympathy.

“I don’t believe he would qualify as human and I’m not sure he would qualify under any kind of animal rights regulations either. I think the poor chap would rather fall in between two stools.”

I know this is just a stupid clickbait article by The Sun, a newspaper so worthless I wouldn’t even recycle it into tampons for sewer rats, but this pisses me off. Of course The Creature is a victim. He didn’t ask to be created, he didn’t ask to be the hideous product of a flawed god’s experiment. He was ripped from the sweet nothingness of nonexistence and abandoned in a world that would hate and fear him forever. In pain and anger, he demands a mate from his Creator, vowing to vanish in the wilds of South America. When Victor refuses, The Creature begins to kill his family to pressure him to comply. It is a morally bad choice from a being with no other legal recourse and the Creature even eventually kills himself out of remorse. Kiss my chocolate snowflake, Sun.

McDonald’s flips iconic sign in a show of solidarity for beleaguered producer Harvey Weinstein

People driving by a McDonald’s in Lynwood, California, might be baffled by an upside-down sign. The golden arches, typically standing as an M, have been flipped over to become a W.

But this isn’t a bizarre prank or a careless mistake. The upside-down arches are in “celebration of women everywhere,” a McDonald’s representative told Business Insider in an email.

Patricia Williams, the location’s franchisee, flipped her restaurant’s sign in honor of International Women’s Day on Thursday.

McDonald’s says it will turn its logo upside down on all its digital channels, such as Twitter and Instagram, on Thursday, while 100 restaurants will have special “packaging, crew shirts and hats, and bag stuffers” to celebrate.

Judge rules Seattle homeless man’s truck is a home

Steven Long returned from his job cleaning up CenturyLink Field after a Seattle Sounders’ game when he discovered that home was gone.

He had been living in his 2000 GMC pickup, parked on a side street, but the city of Seattle towed it because Long had violated a city rule that requires vehicles be moved every 72 hours.

That impound set up an unusual court ruling Friday that advocates for homeless people and the city both say could have broad implications on the crisis of homelessness.

King County Superior Court Judge Catherine Shaffer ruled that the city’s impoundment of Long’s truck violated the state’s homestead act — a frontier-era law that protects properties from forced sale — because he was using it as a home. Long’s vehicle was slated to be sold had he not entered into a monthly payment plan with the city.

Shaffer also ruled the fees the city required Long, 58, to pay to retrieve the truck were too high, violating constitutional protections against excessive fines.

How to Date a Woman Who Has Only Dated Assholes

You know the story: Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl has no idea how to accept the love because she’s only dated assholes her entire life. Years of social conditioning are at work. Maybe her dad was an asshole, maybe her mom married one. She’s been told “when a boy is mean to you, it means he likes you” since her earliest days on the playground. Social psychology and evolutionary biology are playing themselves out as some studies suggest that women are attracted to men who exhibit certain traits — specifically narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy — in short-term mates. You can chalk it up to a myriad of intersecting factors like bad role models, poor choices, self-esteem issues, shame, trauma and trust issues that feed the self-destructive cycle, like Ouroboros, the snake forever eating its own tail.

As a woman very familiar with the cycle (and assholes), I’m here to assure you that cracking open the cage around her tiny, Grinch-like heart isn’t impossible. But there are some things I want you to know about the process. If she’s worth it, you’ll be willing to do what it takes. If you’re already thinking, “No thanks, too much work,” you might be right — or you might be an asshole. Anyway, if you’re still up for giving it a shot, here’s what to keep in mind…

I think a lot of it hinges on how many assholes she’s dated. One asshole? Almost everyone dates at least one asshole. Two assholes? Hey, things happen, people misrepresent themselves. Three assholes… maybe she just likes assholes. Everyone she ever dated is an asshole? Run. Either she has an asshole fetish or she thinks anyone who breaks up with her is an asshole. (And this goes for the ladies as well… If every woman he’s every dated is crazy, then he’ll the problem, I imagine. (Or the unluckiest person ever, so still get away because lightning is coming for he or she or ne or xe or ner or whatever.))

Doomsday Clock Physicist Moves the Minute Hand Closer to Groping You

The shining star that was cosmologist and theoretical physicist Lawrence Krauss’ long-spanning career continues to dim in the wake of allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior, first reported by BuzzFeed News last month.

On Monday, the Center for Inquiry—perhaps the most prominent skeptic and humanist association in the US—severed its relationship with Krauss, who has frequently been a guest speaker at its events and served as a honorary member on its board of directors since 2011. Via a solitary tweet, the CFI linked to its zero tolerance sexual harassment policy, then said, “Serious allegations have been raised regarding Lawrence Krauss, and we suspend our association with him pending further information.”

His sexual advances were described as up, down, strange, top, bottom, and–to some–charming.