Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

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  • Emails to the Contact Us form

    Hello,
    I’m contacting you on behalf of HiLee – a leading bio cosmetics company with a special focus on beard care.
    We’re interested in publishing an article on your site. If you’re open to it, we’ll send a pitch for your approval.

    We’ll be happy to pay a fee if required.

    We share unique tips, report about recent development in the industry and always make sure that the content we create is relevant and informative to the site’s audience; we don’t engage in self-promotional pieces, worry not.

    Please let me know how you’d like to proceed.

    This was a tough one not to respond to. I am interested in beard care. Very interested. But we felt that if we were going to run an article on beard care, it should be by one of our commenters and not from an outside company.

    Hi, Jill here with OverdoseWatch.org
    Heroin and opiate relapse remains a KILLER amongst the community of the recovered.

    This is why you should include more resources for maintaining and managing sobriety on your site.

    It should be obvious why this was so unsuitable: We hate sobriety and love overdoses. Personally, I try to overdose at least three or four times a week. I go a few days without an overdose, I get anxious and itchy all over, like ants crawling on my skin. I may not even finish this post without a quick OD.

    WE NEED TO START EATING POOP, THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THE WORLD. EAT MY OWN POOP EVERY DAY, EAT AND PROVIDE YOURSELF WITH THE NUTRIENTS YOU NEED TO SURVIVE IN THIS WONDERFUL WORLD OF SIN. ENJOY YOUR COWORKERS SCHEMATIZE, SCARF LOCAL FIREMAN OR TEACHERS DUMP LOAD. WHAT YOU CHOICE IS CURRENT DIARRHEA FLOWING FROM WITHIN. WILL YOU ALLOW ME TO WATCH YOU FROM A DISTANCE WHILE I EAT MY POOP AGAINST YOUR WINDOW. SOMETIMES DURING THE DAY, SOMETIMES IN NIGHT. GROW WITHIN ITS GLORY, AS YOU PROVIDE YOURSELF WITH ALL YOU NEED. PRAISE HIM FOR YOUR BOUNTY AND CONSUME. MAMMAL LOVE IS OK.

    We simply asked for more from this solicitation. Thousands of words more.

  • Tuesday Sketchy Morning Links

    I HAD ONE JOB!  Get the Morning links out… I BLEW IT. So, you get something quite different than yesterday. Non-precise, not on time links. I hope the Swiss don’t come for me in the night…

    • Looks like this particular scandal is going to get more coverage than the first couple of its ilk, perhaps?
    • Tongan Crips? This one kamikazi’d with a…pen. Good Shoot. Totality of Circs…for once. (Note, just being released now – is 2014 clip)
    • I think the answer will be “Ha ha ha, up yours.”

    No music this fine morn, I am too late – post yer own!

  • Monday Afternoon I’m Back Links

    My family and I had a wonderful time meeting SP and Webdominatrix last night. My wife and I drank a lot of wine. A lot. Enough that I was avoiding teachers at the daycare drop-off after showering and brushing my teeth because I was worried it was coming out my pores. They also brought a Romanian wine recommended by Pie in the Sky in one of his articles. It did not disappoint. So, all that said, I’m moving a little bit slowly. But last night really brought home that there’s a community a’building here, and I’m grateful for it.

    Not too shabby

    Beloved commentor P Brooks thought this should be in the links today, so gets it. This young survivor of the Parkland shooting is having a hard time getting the same attention as his classmates, two guesses why.

    Tesla stopped their Model 3 production to increase productivity. Like Jayne Cobb says, “ten percent of nothin’, carry the nothin’, we got nothin’!”

    Amazon can start drone delivering things? Time to start my AI pilot bot project and get my kids certified to fly them.

    3D Printed houses — I’m guessing there are some doubts about structural integrity over time if they’re shipping the first batch to El Salvador after showing them off at SXSW. I liked it better 20 years ago when you could stay in town for spring break and see a shitton of cool music acts.

    And speaking of Austin, it looks like someone is trying their Unibomber schtick. I hope he drops the next one on his lap and blows his junk off.

     

    I didn’t even think Duane Allman and Aretha could fix this song.

  • The Hat and The Hair: Episode 67

    ‘Well, he is a sleeping son of bitch,” the hat bellowed into the speakerphone. His Donald impression was perfect.

    “Sleepy,” the hair whispered. “Sleepy son of a bitch.”

    “I know what I had him say,” the hat whispered back angrily.

    “Sleeping?” Sean asked over the phone.

    “Yeah, sleeping” the hat continued in Donald’s voice. “He’s never awake. The sleepingness son of a bitch you’ve ever met. Chuck Todd might as well be in a coma. Never awake. Never.”

    “Not even when he’s reporting on live television, Mr. President?” Sean asked incredulously.

    “Especially not then,” the hat said. “He’s a sleeptalking super-partisan. Totally NBC creature. They breed them in secret labs. Sleep their whole life.”

    The hair shook with silent laughter.

    “I’m, uh, I’m going to need some independent confirmation on this, uh, information,” Sean stammered.

    “Fuck you, Sean. Report what we tell you or I’ll have your faggot husband raped!” the hat roared.

    ‘Yes, Mr. President,” Sean said sulkily.

    “Happier, Sean. Be happier, fucknuts. I guess you wanted Hillary to be President, didn’t you?”

    “No, Mr. President. Never.” Sean said in a voice hollow with shock.

    “Yeah, you wanted her tentacles all up in you, right? Finding every little crevice of pleasure, right?” the hat yelled.

    The hair was waving his tendrils to get the hat to stop. His Donald impression had slipped badly.

    “Bigly. Huge,” the hat said. “The greatest country ever. Super classy, Sean. Super classy.”

    Sean sobbed for a few seconds and then calmed down enough to continue. “And this death penalty for drug dealers, Mr. President… any particular way you want this spun?”

    “Spun? What’s to spin? Drug dealers get put to death. It’s working in the Philippines and it will work here. It’s not the 80s, Sean. I can’t snort cocaine out a hooker’s vulva any longer and neither should anyone else. I don’t drink, either. Get rid of all the booze. I don’t care. Ban booze, Chinese steel and fat hookers.”

    “Should I really mention prostitutes, Mr. President, what with the Stormy…”

    “NEVER SAY THAT NAME TO ME!” the hat yelled. “NEVER, SEAN. That, that…”

    “Balloon-tit slut canal,” the hair whispered.

    “That balloon canal is a liar! I paid her to keep to keep quiet and she didn’t! Obviously, nothing she says can be believed,” the hat said rapidly into the phone.

    “Yes, Mr. President,” Sean said quietly.

    “You got all that, Sean. Huh?”

    “Sleeping son of a bitch, death to drug dealers and no mention of balloon canals. Will do, Mr. President.”

    “That’s a good boy,” the hat said and hung up before he and the hair burst into laughter.

    “‘That’s a good boy,’” the hair said. “Holy shit, I almost totally lost it.”

    “Hold on, watch this,” the hat said. He used the edge of his bill to make another call. A woman said, “Yes, Mr. President?”

    “I want you to send Sean Hannity a pound of dog treats. Fancy dog treats. Like the fanciest treats money can buy. I want them delivered today.”

    “Any note Mr. President?” the assistant asked. The hat eyed the sleeping bulk of Donald on the couch.

    “Have it say ‘Who’s a good boy?’” the hat said and they both convulsed with laughter again.

  • Monday Morning Links

    Alles in Ordnung!

    Grüezi mitenand. I have appropriated the Links this Morgen. Und you will appreciate them! First, we begin with Sport:

    Yes, yes…we all know Tiger Woods came very close. But it is time for the baskeballings. Join this bracketing of the NCAAs, and demonstrate your precision to your friends, neighbors and fellow Glibs! If you asked for your papers, please – Group ID: 52048, Group Password: Podesta. We haff heard of a rumor of prize(s).

    So. Links. Ja:

    • Ach, so…consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds, ja? It must have been The Hair’s turn to speak…
    • Englisher Tabloids. One must love them, ja? Note the 6th bullet point in the hed of this story. How quickly a career can go up in flames. One hopes he has a large bank account in a certain West European nation that shall go unnamed.
    • When politik and press combine in Chicago. Ja, ethically challenged. Also, warum are you buying cow, when milch is free?
    • Socialistische Maduro imitates the old American Mayor Daley…but with a box of rice, instead of a turkey?

     

    Musik. Inspired by the last link – music regarding a box.

     

    Uf wiederluege!

     

  • ZARDOZ SUNDAY EVENING LINKS

    ZARDOZ SUNDAY EVENING LINKS

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ MUST HASTILY GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK…IT APPEARS THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS AND THE SQUATCHES ARE ENGAGED IN A CLEANSING RITUAL REFERRED TO AS A “RUMBLE” ZARDOZ MUST ATTEND!

    • ZARDOZ BELIEVES THIS BRUTAL MIGHT BE TRAPPED IN HER LIE NOW. THE TABERNACLE COULD SCAN HER AND SAVE THE $99.
    • ZARDOZ WILL WAIT TO HEAR FROM THE CHOSEN ONE CALLED JOHN TITOR, AS TO THE AUTHENTICITY OF THIS STORY.
    • PERHAPS THEY WERE AUDITIONING TO BECOME BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS? AT LEAST THEY RETURNED SAFE TO THEIR BARRACKS THAT NIGHT. NO WORD IF THEIR SUSPENSION IS WITH PAY.
    • BE OF GOOD CHEER, PANCAKE AND WAFFLE EATING CHOSEN ONES!

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    …

    THE CONFLICT HANGS IN THE BALANCE! NO…WAIT, MR. WHISKERS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

    DO NOT ATTACK THAT ETERNAL WITH STEVE SMITH!

    MR. WHISKERS, CEASE YOUR ATTACK ON THE ETERNAL, MAY, AND RETURN! BAD KITTY!

    NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!

    LOOK OUT FOR THAT HORSE, MR. WHISKERS!

    *CRUNCH*

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! MR. WHISKERS!

    *SQUATCHES and Enforcers scatter, May staggers off holding shredded face*

    *ZARDOZ and STEVE SMITH remain*

    MAY? STEVE SMITH SAD.
    MR. WHISKERS….ZARDOZ IS DISTRAUGHT!

     

     

     

     

     

     

    …FRIEND… STEVE SMITH. WE HAVE BOTH LOVED…AND LOST. SHALL WE CEASE THIS NEEDLESS CONFLICT?

    “STEVE SMITH SAD – MAY GONE, MR. FLOPEARS GONE… NOW YOU KITTY GONE. STEVE SMITH NO MORE HOLD GRUDGE…FRIEND.”

    *ZARDOZ and STEVE SMITH slowly turn and move away from the Vortex*

    *Zed peels the flattened Mr. Whiskers off of horse’s hoof*

    ~Fin~

  • Peering through a Monocle at the Stars: Week of March 11th, 2018

    Peering through a Monocle at the Stars: Week of March 11th, 2018

    As a published authority on bullshit and the most prolific linker of astronomy/cosmology youtube videos, it seems only natural that I should cast the horoscope for the Glibertariat.

    Please note that this is not going to be a table of sun signs. That would take too much effort and bore me too much to find anything interesting to say, as the truth1 is that for most signs, absolutely nothing of interest is happening at any given time. There are only seven heavenly bodies that have regular influence and twelve signs. The fact that people have been able to get away with the tabular format for so long is a tribute to the gullibility and innumeracy of the general public. Therefore, I’ll give you insights2 into the celestial influences at large, and let you make your own freely-arrived-at decisions about how to use the information.

    Obviously, the sun is in Pisces. The interesting thing is that the moon is in Capricorn. Combining these two means that for the next week or so, glitter-related endeavors have a much higher chance of success. So go ahead and craft or enter that drag contest. Do remember that this is Capricorn we’re talking about, so visits to strip clubs will leave evidence that is more resistant to cleaning than usual.

    With Mars in Sagittarius, we have promising signs for bow-hunting. However, since we’re talking Mars and not the Sun (or the moon ascending), this looks more directly related to the Jupiter (retrograde)/Scorpio interaction which means… political assassinations. Yeesh. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you where or who, or if this is a warning or an imperative. 3,4

    The big news this week is that we have a conjunction of Mercury and Venus in Ares, which means this is the very best5 time to try sheep-fucking, or if you are already sheep-fucking, to try fucking the other sex of sheep. I am not making this up6, this is what the heavens say. 7

    1 For a certain value of “truth” which contains astrology
    2 As footnote 1, but for “insights”
    3 No, goddammit, this is not a true threat! Put the subpoena down!
    4 Other reasonable readings of this would be “the stillbirth of a Kennedy” or “Steve Bannon’s corpse exhumed by a necrophiliac.”
    5 “very best” is a relative, not absolute value statement
    6 As footnote 1, but for “making this up”
    7 If you are already a bisexual oviphile, try a different position this week. You’ll like it.

  • Spring Forward Oh Fuck It’s Late Sunday Morning Links

    Day Two of my Bachelor Life. The house is a mess, dirty laundry is piled up, and sammiches are unmade. Oh, and I have an unrequited boner. By the time SP gets back, this place will look like Fred Sanford’s yard and my balls will be the color of a giraffe’s tongue. No matter, I shoved the wreckage from my last six meals onto the floor so I could get to my laptop and post links.

    The Most Libertarian President Ever says that he doesn’t want to put drug dealers in cages like his predecessors did. The crowd responds lovingly.

    But on Saturday his call for executing drug dealers got some of the most enthusiastic cheers of the night. As Trump spoke about policies on the issue in China and Singapore, dozens of people nodded their heads in agreement. “We love Trump,” one man yelled. A woman shouted: “Pass it!”

    In the famous words of The New Yorker, “Christ, what an asshole.”

     

    Kamala Harris does her best to assure Jews that she’s not like Danny Davis, Al Sharpton, Keith Ellison, and Jesse Jackson.  And that she can transparently pander to donors with the best of them.

    “As a child, I never sold Girl Scout cookies, I went around with a Jewish National Fund box collecting funds to plant trees in Israel.”

    Sure, Kammy, sure you did. I’d rather have the Thin Mints.

     

    Do not fuck with Katy Perry. Just… don’t. It won’t be healthy for you, know what I mean?

     

    Continuing yesterday’s man-pig theme, there’s this story out of Argentina.

    The deformed animal was spotted next to its mother after she gave birth to eight piglets in the area of Santo Domingo in Santiago del Estero Province. But it died a few hours after birth when it had trouble breathing on March 7.

    Its deformities are believed to be caused by pesticides and GM crops.

     

    Q Joins The Marines. But here’s the bad news (emphasis mine):

    The new website contains 267 of the images, which are too explicit to share, and appears to involve women from all branches of the military.

     

    And as part of The Glibertarians’ commitment to public service, here’s News You Can Use.

     

    Old Guy Music! And I’ll simply say that if more Country & Western music were like this, we’d be living in a far better world. This is raw, genuine, unadorned, and… real.

  • ZARDOZ SATURDAY EVENING LINKS

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. THE FIERCE ASSAULT OF STEVE SMITH UPON THE VORTEX HAS TEMPORARILY ABATED. ZARDOZ HAS PUT OUT THE CALL FOR THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO JOIN ZARDOZ AT THE VORTEX – COMBINE FORCES AND DRIVE AWAY STEVE SMITH.

    WHILE THEY ARRIVE, ZARDOZ GIVES YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK!

    • ZARDOZ BELIEVES HE MAY HAVE FOUND SOME NEW MATERIAL FOR THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS…BONUS RUSSIANZ!!! INCLUDED.
    • ZARDOZ IS NOT PLEASED. HE FOUND THIS ON MR. WHISKERS’ TABLET. ZARDOZ HOPES THIS DOES NOT LEAD TO ANYTHING.
    • ZARDOZ IS SHOCKED TO FIND CORRUPTION IN LAND DEALING IN GOVERNMENT. JAPANESE CHOSEN ONES HARDEST HIT.
    • ZARDOZ BELIEVES CERTAIN THRIFTY SWISS CHOSEN ONES MIGHT FIND THIS USEFUL.

     

    On the way to Zardoz, Daddy-O!

     

    That Zardoz is one cool cat!

     

    THE TABERNACLE HAS DETECTED THAT STEVE SMITH HAS CALLED FRIENDS TO HIS AID AS WELL!

    SQUATCHES, READY TO RUMBLE! BY RUMBLE, MEAN…RUMBLE.

     

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    …

    ZED:
    The Brutal Exterminators are gonna have their day
    Tonight

    STEVE SMITH:
    THE SQUATCHES ARE GONNA HAVE THEIR DAY
    TONIGHT

    ZED:
    The Cryptids grumble,
    “Fair fight”
    But if they start a rumble,
    We’ll rumble ’em right

    SQUATCHES:
    WE’RE GONNA HAND ‘EM A SURPRISE
    TONIGHT

    EXTERMINATORS:
    We’re gonna cut ’em down to size
    Tonight

    SQUATCHES:
    WE SAID “O. K. NO RUMPUS,
    NO TRICKS.”
    BUT JUST IN CASE THEY JUMP US.
    WE’RE READY TO MIX.
    TONIGHT!

    BOTH:
    We’re gonna rock it tonight
    We’re gonna jazz it up and have us a ball!
    They’re gonna get it tonight;
    The more they turn it on, the harder they fall!

    EXTERMINATORS:
    Well, they began it!

    SQUATCHES:
    WELL, THEY BEGAN IT –

    BOTH:
    And we’re the ones to stop ’em once and for all,

    Tonight!

     

  • Wanna Get Your Kicks?

    So this week, I will try and mix it up a bit.  Since for some of us it feels like spring already, I will try to draw some attention to the second coming of Glibertarians Beer it Forward.  After discussing it with its owner, the gentleman known around here as Nephilium, I decided to turn this into a bit of a contest.  The details of which I will explain later.

    This is my review of Grand Canyon Brewery Shaggy Bock.

    Williams, AZ is not particularly well known.  Most people drive around it, but for a long time they had to drive through it.  Like many towns in the area there is a cheap draw for tourism but this one isn’t as flimsy or as popular as a town a couple hours to the east.

    Roll Tide

    Route 66 is actually a collection of highways that was renamed as a single highway in 1926. It began in Chicago to the east and ended in Los Angeles to the west and routed through 8 states in total.  It is romanticized in American culture by John Steinbeck in The Grapes of Wrath as the mother road, a show in the 60’s, and a song first sung by Nat King Cole.  Today it is mostly merged with other active highways, notably Interstates-55, 44, 40, 15, 10.  There are a number of towns that lay claim to the highway, such as Winslow, and others like Flagstaff maintain it as part of their municipal roadways.  It is for this reason I can technically scratch off riding a motorcycle down Route 66 off my bucket list, because it runs through Flagstaff.  Another fun fact, there is a restaurant in Flagstaff called the Dog Haus, that claims the entire scene on the corner in Winslow occurred there when it was a Wienerschnitzel.  “Flagstaff” just didn’t roll off the tongue like “Winslow.”  That is their claim, not mine.  If you choose to investigate this yourself, I suggest ordering the chilli dog, they’re pretty damn good.

    Where does Williams fall into this?  On June 27, 1985 Williams, AZ was the last locality to officially decommission Route 66 as a highway.  Being first gets you in the history books, but sometimes there is some honor in being last.   Williams is also the starting point of the longest portion of the highway that is still drivable.  Williams didn’t die like other towns because of another attraction:  The Grand Canyon Railroad.

    Here you can avoid driving north to the Canyon and avoid what really is a boring drive once you get past the San Francisco Peaks.  It routes north through the mountains and gives you a more scenic ride to the park.  They also convert the train to a Polar Express theme around Christmas and steam up towards a “North Pole,”. They’ll even give your kids a bell as a souvenir.

    This isn’t a straightforward bock.  It is light like all lagers and has a smooth malty character.  The twist is this one contains the byproduct of one of our favorite inventions: the woodchipper.  They call it a “flavor bomb” but it’s a bunch of wood chips secured in a bag.  This gives the beer a similar effect to barrel aging without the added expense of storing it in a barrel.  It is quite enjoyable variety in a style that sometimes gets overlooked; Shiner Bock aside.  Grand Canyon Brewery Shaggy Bock: 4.0/5.

    Here’s where the contest comes in.  This is a limited release from a local brand that doesn’t have much of a footprint outside AZ. Which makes it perfect for the Glibertarian Beer it Forward coming up this spring.  I have purchased a second bottle and stored it appropriately next to the boiler.  Hopefully, I don’t need to turn it on in the next few weeks.  In an attempt to generate interest for this next BIF, I will be sending this to the Glib member whose name I will be randomly assigned.  So if you think you want this, sign up!  This has the added benefit of at least one of you knowing that I’m not crazy.  Well, at least within a respectable spectrum of crazy.