I got Bella on 3/4/17. My oldest granddaughter wanted a puppy, and we were looking for a new dog anyway, so I saw this:
And I got one. And now she’s about 14 months old. So this is our anniversary. On to Destruction!
A few shirts:t
She is much better about what she chews, but she is That Which Chews. So I buy $5 worth of rope a week for us to play with, and for her to tear up.
Here’s my hardwood ukulele stand that I found in my bed one morning:
I wake at 5 AM and she wakes at 5:15, ready to play, and if I don’t play, she flips out and starts throwing her toys about and hilarity ensues. I end up doing some hardcore upper body exercise that I certainly don’t need, but I guess she does. My dog follows my every move. She watches me. She knows when I’m going to work, and hides out ’til I get back. She greets me with great fanfare, yet waits until I have all my work shit off before she comes for love. And she gets lots!
She knows she can clear the porch wall and do anything she wants, but she sits and waits for my signal. That’s a good pup, IMO.
Bella is finishing out at about 30 pounds, a mid-weight cruiser dog, and damn, what a good dog!
She loves porter and a good stout and meat! Just like a good hum–I mean dog does….
Am I hopelessly in love with my dog? You betcha!
Music both you and your dog can appreciate:
And:
Pet your dog. Give ’em a treat. Bella says, “Arf!”
Re: last week’s prediction of a political assassination? Nailed it. I honestly should have made the poisoning prediction, what with Scorpio being involved and all, but it’s been so long since I’ve done this I was pessimistic about my prognositcatory prowess.
So, we’ve got most of the planets lining up: The Sun, Mars, Jupiter and Venus with Mercury in opposition. This indicates that people with power get the best sexual partners, and that this condition is unlikely to change. No shit? Thanks for the insight, celestial sphere. No really, I can’t wait to see what you have to tell me next. Maybe something about the relationship between water and wetness? Fire and heat? Progs and progging? Honestly, there are times when it just isn’t worth it to drag the star charts out, much less look up.
That’s no mo–
The sun is (still) in Pisces, but nothing else is. So all you Pisceses out there, just keep being y’alls double-fishy selves and enjoy it while it lasts.
We still have Jupiter retrograde in Scorpio, but with Mars moving out of Sagittarius into Capricorn, we don’t have the immediate threat happening. Instead, this is looking less like sabotage and more like Leaders being general rake-stepping fuckups. With extra belligerence, because…
As I mentioned before, we have Mars in Capricorn. This bodes well for Battlestars, and cautions everyone else that maybe they are the ones being an asshole this week.1 Doubly so because Saturn (exalted) is also in Capricorn. Bad luck, loss, destruction… fighting is bad m’kay? Postpone any planned fights.
Now, for the one thing that you were all interested in last week’s revelation: yes, this week both Venus and Mercury remain in Aries. But joining it is the moon. Not only does this increase all the influences of the conjuncted planets, but with the Moon’s pull on the heartstrings and emotions, you are much more likely to form a deep, spiritual bond with your wooly lover (though why you would want this, I have no idea since I’m not a dirty kiwi.2,3,4) Also everyone knows: moon means anal.
1 This week? 2 Or Scot 3 Or Welshman 4 Or a lawyer who’s initials might be A.A.W.
You may have been able to tell that the Glibs staff all got pretty shitfaced yesterday and were a bit neglectful. But today is a different day and I’m proudly wearing my “12 Hours Sober” badge. That may or may not last. OK, it won’t, but let me pretend for at least a few hours.
In accordance with the Safe Schools Initiative, the Zero Tolerance For Guns Act, P.L. 1995 and its companion C.128 and the Lacey Township School Board’s Zero Tolerance Policy, any student who is reported to be in possession of a weapon of any type for any reason or purpose whether on or off school grounds during the academic year shall be disciplined as follows…
This is a bit strange. OK, more than a bit. I will never understand Afghan psychology, no matter how many bombs we drop.
Keep it classy, Progressives! (In this case, of the South African variety, taking some time off from land confiscation)
Old Guy Music! SP and I saw John Hiatt a year or two ago in a two-man show with Lyle Lovett. It was delightful, but he didn’t play my favorite song of his. I am here to rectify this oversight.
Then they crowded ‘round me, and my eyes began to blink,
One of them grabbed a-hold me, and said, “Coon, come have a drink!”
He said, “Drink something Irish,” and I quickly took the hint,
I felt quite sick, but I yelled quick, “Let me have a glass of creme-de-menthe!”
Chorus (2X)
St. Patrick’s Day’s a bad day for coons,
The only safe plan for us is balloons!
Yellow coons must not be seen.
If you drink, drink something green!
St. Patrick’s Day’s a bad day for coons!
Just then a high toned yellow darky came cake-walking down the street;
He had on a pair of yellow gater tops on his feet.
He had on swell yellow gloves, also a yellow vest,
And when those Irishmen saw that coon, I guess you know the rest.
They quickly grabbed this darky, and he began to fight.
They took his gun and razor, then he tried to pass for white!
They shaved him with his razor, and they fanned him with his gun,
If you show him a shamrock now, that yellow coon is always sure to run!
SEA SMITH STILL DO LINKS. NOT SURE WHEN COUSIN STEVE SMITH OR ZARDOZ STONE HEAD BACK. SEA SMITH UNDERSTAND SADNESS. WHEN HE SMALL FRY, HAVE PET:
SEA SMITH PET FISH “BUCKY”
HE GET CAUGHT BY FISHING TRAWLER. *SNIFFLE* NOW SEA SMITH SAD, REMEMBERING BUCKY. SO YOU GET LINKS, AND SEA SMITH GO LOOK FOR REVENGE ON FISHING BOATS. BY REVENGE, MEAN RAPE.
“Naturally, I’m misanthropic. But the Negronis are helping considerably.” -Anthony Bourdain in The Nasty Bits.
Now that my wife is a professor, and I’ve shifted my career to become a professor at a hilariously shitty community college, it turns out there are some pretty cool upsides. For the first time ever, we get to enjoy BOTH spring break AND not being poor at the same time. That means it’s time to drink some tasty booze instead of Popov vodka Jell-O shots or whatever nasty shit I can no longer remember drinking in college.
Hi. I’m Negroni Please and I’m here to help you get fucked up.
It seems wrong to talk about drinking and not start with my namesake. So, let’s get down to some Negroni business. For those of you not in the know (and are too goddamn lazy to google it) a Negroni is equal parts Gin, Campari, and Sweet Vermouth with an orange twist. Easy peasy.
Allegedly some dude named Count Negroni asked his bartender to fortify his favorite drink, an Americano, and the bartender whipped up the first Negroni by adding some gin to the cocktail. So basically an Americano (made with equal parts Campari and Sweet Vermouth, with a splash of soda) is the boring buttoned-down Ward Cleaver drink and a Negroni is the “FUCK YOU DAD” version.
Pointless Side Note: According to Wikipedia, James Bond drinks an Americano in “From a View to a Kill” because “in cafés you have to drink the least offensive of the musical comedy drinks that go with them.” I don’t know what that means. But James Bond said it, so I’m certain it’s sophisticated and dripping with panache.
Regardless of the supposed origin, sometime around 1919 this wonderful cocktail took off AND THE WORLD WAS NEVER THE SAME. Or something.
So what do you need to make an acceptable Negroni? The obvious, classic, no-brainer answer here is Campari. Campari is a type of Italian bitters with a beautiful ruby hue. Once upon a time, this color was achieved with carmine dye which is made from crushed bugs. Unfortunately, those days are over, and now we get artificial coloring instead of all-natural organic bug parts. Campari is essentially just an herbs/fruit infusion in alcohol, and my wife says it tastes like she imagines cough syrup from the Great Depression would taste. Whatever. She likes Michelob Ultra and mixes flavored LaCroix with her red wine so it’s not like her opinion matters here.
If this description of Campari doesn’t already have you running out to the liquor store to buy some, then you just need to watch this 1984 Campari commercial by none other than Federico Fellini.
What the fuck was that? I don’t know either, but I do know that now you want some Campari. That’s the power of marketing, baby.
Next up you need Gin and Sweet Vermouth. If I’m just mixing up some cocktails for a random after work drink, then I’m all about cheap and ubiquitous. New Amsterdam Gin is cheap enough for homeless people and actually works pretty well in most cocktails. And even Yanomami Indians in the heart of the Amazon have access to Martini & Rossi sweet vermouth. Mix equal measures of these ingredients and add an orange peel twist and you’re all set.
But what about those times where you need something a little more refined? Something smooth and sophisticated like…. SPRING BREEEEEEAAAAAAK!
Well, first off, you can keep the Campari, as it’s always a welcome addition to the drink, but you should consider giving Gran Classico a shot at the title. Next, you should up the ante with your other booze. The most perfect vermouth ever gifted to man by the liquor gods is Carpano Antica. This stuff is pricy (for a mixer) but the vanilla and cocoa notes are well worth it for a quality cocktail. Especially when paired with Gran Classico, it makes for an excellent Negroni. But you don’t have to stop there! Carpano Antica is also perfect friends with bourbon and makes killer Manhattans. For gin, you should pick your favorite top shelf gin. My favorite is St. George Dry Rye, but you can’t go wrong with any St. George gin. For you Hendrick’s lovers out there though, keep that nifty little apothecary bottle on the shelf. Hendrick’s is a bit too delicate to hold up well in a Negroni, and you end up wasting it while the drink’s balance is a little off.
OK. We’ve done the basic Negroni which is good. But it’s time to expand on the Negroni and get to the drinks in this family that really shine.
Looks suspiciously similar to a Negroni…
The Boulevardier
Despite my name being Negroni Please, the Boulevardier is actually my favorite cocktail, but Boulevardier Please just doesn’t have the same ring to it. The Boulevardier is pure awesomeness and you NEED to learn how to make it at home, because absolutely no one wants to be caught trying to pronounce Boulevardier in public after a drink or two.
The Boulevardier proves that the best way to improve on the bright complexity of a Negroni is to swap out the gin and bring Whisk(e)y to the party. According to some (other) douche on the internet:
“A simple substitution? Hardly. The bittersweet interplay between Campari and vermouth remains, but the whiskey changes the storyline. Where the Negroni is crisp and lean, the Boulevardier is rich and intriguing. There’s a small difference in the preparation, but the result is absolutely stunning.”
Also, you’re going to change your ratio a bit. The Boulevardier can certainly be made in the simple 1:1:1 ratio of the Negroni, but these days most people up the whiskey and go for a 1.5:1:1 ratio or even a 2:1:1 ratio. For me it depends on the proof of the whiskey. Anything 80 proof automatically gets a 2:1:1 pour from me, and the 100 proof stuff usually gets a 1.5:1:1. Play with your booze of choice and find the ratio you like. The more whiskey centric your ratio is, then the more this drink turns into a riff on a Manhattan. The less whiskey you use, then the more the Campari shines and the drink is closer to a classic Negroni.
I don’t really like Gran Classico in my Boulevardiers so I stick with Campari. As already mentioned, Bourbon and Carpano Antica are so good together they’ve got to be boning behind closed liquor cabinet doors. So stick with the Carpano Antica. (If you’re feeling cheap, then any sweet vermouth should work in a pinch. I’d stay away from Dolin though. It’s a little too light to hold up well in this booze fest).
What whisk(e)y to pick though?
My absolute favorite bourbon for pretty much anything is Eagle Rare. Unfortunately, neckbearded hipsters buy anything from Buffalo Trace as soon as it hits the shelves, so sometimes that’s not an option. If you’re a rye fan, then you likely already know that Rittenhouse Rye is a powerhouse that works in pretty much every whiskey cocktail. If you want to go the bourbon route, then you can’t go wrong with anything Bottled in Bond as the higher proof helps the bourbon stand up to Campari’s bullying. Old Granddad 100 (or 114 for that matter) are good choices, as is the Evan Williams 100 (but the lower proof expressions of both are too soft, weak, and girly). In general though, just pick any bottle you like and I’d bet you can find a ratio where your favorite whiskey works well with the Campari and Vermouth. Personally, I would avoid the wheaters though. That same wheaty softness that makes them so smooth also gives a slightly muted flavor profile that gets crushed by the Campari. While Weller 12 is a kickass bottle to drink neat, I find it washes out too much in most cocktails. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
Also if you wanna get fancy schmancy you should flame your orange twist for this one, as allegedly the flamed twist pairs well with the slight smokiness of the whiskey. I don’t know. I can’t really tell much difference, but over-earnest bartenders (ahem. That’s Mixologist mother fucker) with handlebar moustaches assure me this is the case.
Need something even MORE decadent? Ok. Let’s drink some Left Hands. The Left Hand is a Bourbon Boulevardier using Campari and Carpano Antica. But things get a little interesting by adding Chocolate Bitters and a brandied cherry garnish. Bitter Truth Xocolatl Mole bitters are generally preferred here, but Fee Brothers Aztec Chocolate Bitters will work, too. Most recipes call for 2 dashes, but I find that to be a little too understated. I usually opt for 3 or 4 (depending on the ratios and volumes I’m mixing). As previously mentioned, the Carpano Antica has some vanilla and cocoa notes that play really well with bourbon. The chocolate bitters bring those flavors to the fore and the whole thing works beautifully. Play around with it and I’m sure you’ll find a ratio you like.
As for the brandied cherries. You can make your own like a good little hipster, but if you’re lazy like me then you simply want a jar of Luxardo Cherries. These little dark orbs of deliciousness elevate any cocktail that calls for a cherry and they don’t taste like those nasty neon-red maraschino cherries that you grew up with. Save those for your Shirley Temples. If you’ve never had Luxardo Cherries, then you are missing out. Even if you ignore all this nonsense, you should get a jar of these babies and stick ’em in pretty much any booze concoction you can come up with. Or just eat them. Mmmmmmmmm, booze cherries. Seriously. They are ridiculously good.
Now go forth, you lushes and imbibe the bitter-sweet ambrosia of the gods. I’ve got one more shitty lecture to prepare before SPRING BREEEEEAAAAK and then I’ll be drinking myself into sweet oblivion.
I am going to try to spice things up a bit and tell you about that one time I went to Jamaica. Turns out, the cruise ship I was on made a stop there and I got to look around a bit as the bus drove us to Montego Bay. Okay, maybe I just got the Cliff’s Notes version of Jamaica, but the island seemed like a nice place, at least the tourist areas. Something I found kind of odd was when the group transferred from one Jamaican chaperone to the other, they all seemed to fill in the time by telling the group about their country’s tax code.
No, seriously.
This is my review of the beer in the short, stubby, ugly bottle: Red Stripe!
I have been dying to use that picture.
First, I got off the ship and hopped on the bus. The bus driver explained a few things unique to Jamaica, such as their habit of locals letting loose their goats off the side of the road. It served two purposes: to feed their goats and to keep the grass trim, that way the government saves money cutting grass along the side of the highways. Clever. He also explained that Jamaica had a general consumption tax and a property tax. That was it.
Later the guys on the catamaran said the same thing. There’s a general consumption tax, and a property tax, but they also explained there was a tax on some imported goods, like gasoline. Then a different bus driver again explained their tax code.
I thought that was pretty cool, if true. Maybe there are places besides the US where a libertarian can be somewhat welcome. After all, they had pretty well maintained roads, even by US standards and there was other infrastructure like overhead powerlines and sewers. They even speak English! Snorkeling with my 3 year old only created more interest; perhaps something rubbed off on this particular former British colony. This one has some awesome things to do and the people here seemed to be every bit as fun as you want them to be.
Nope. I was wrong.
Here is a basic breakdown of Jamaica by the things that people around here tend to pay attention to. As always, everyone here is welcome to call bullshit.
State Legitimized Theft
There is a tax on real property, but it is broken down by value as determined by the Jamaican government. This table below has a breakdown of property values.
There is also a tax levied upon the transfer/sale of real property of 5% or 1% for shares–if the capital gains made on the property exceed 37.5%. There is also a stamp duty for the same transactions of 1% of shares and 4% for real property–there are exemptions on the stamp duty for shares sold on the Jamaican Stock Exchange.
General Consumption Tax. It’s basically a VAT at 16.5%. Taxes on some imported goods, such as petroleum products and alcohol apply.
There is no income tax!…..if you make under 1,500,000 JMD/year. Over that, its a flat 25% unless you make more than 6,000,000 JMD/year–then it is 30%. There are also some considerations for Jamaicans living abroad vs. on the island.
You’ll like this one. There is no tax on capital gains or inheritance.
Minimum Business Tax: 60,000JMD/year for all corporate bodies. This also applies to tradesmen, professionals, and businesses exceeding 6,000,000 JMD/year–this tax can be deducted from an individual’s income tax. Source
It is well-known that Ganja is illegal. Culturally, they don’t care. In fact, I was propositioned twice to purchase Ganja and I was on the island for about 10 hours.
4.-(1) The following Commonwealth citizens (not being persons deemed to belong to the Island as defined by subsection (2) of section 2) are prohibited immigrants-
(a) any person who is likely if he entered the Island to become a charge on public funds by reason of infirmity of body or mind or of ill-health or who is not in possession of sufficient means to support himself and such of his dependants as he shall bring with him to the Island;
(b) any idiot or epileptic or any person who is insane or mentally deficient or any person who is deaf and dumb or deaf and blind, or dumb and blind, unless in any such case he or a person accompanying him or some other person gives security to the satisfaction of the Chief Immigration Officer for his permanent support in the Island or for his removal therefrom whenever required by the Chief Immigration Officer;
(c) any person certified by a Health Officer to be suffering from a communicable disease which makes his entry into the Island dangerous to the community;
(d) any person over sixteen years of age who by reason of deficient education is unable to fill up the prescribed form of declaration for immigrants in his own handwriting and is likely to become a charge on public funds;
(e) any prostitute or any person who may be living on or receiving or may have lived on or received the proceeds of prostitution; cf, the children under the age of sixteen years being dependants of a prohibited immigrant;
(g) any member of a class of persons deemed by the Minister on economic grounds or on account of standard or habit of life to be undesirable immigrants and so declared by order published in the Gazette; […] “
On the surface, they look like they are on par with one of the more restrictive states in the US. In practice? Forget it.
I tried. Jamaica is no libertarian paradise, but the goat curry is tasty.
So is Red Stripe any good? Not really. The owner of the $400,000 catamaran generously informed us the Red Stripe was on him at the boat’s mini bar, just tip the nice lady serving you. So in effect, its cheap enough that even Jamaicans give it away for free. It’s not without its charms though and certainly something I’d grab out of nostalgia for that time I went snorkeling with my family in Montego Bay. Red Stripe Jamaican Lager 2.0/5.
I have something less than zero interest in the Little League “sports” that seem to fascinate so many. Back in the 1970s, I attended an obscure little university that had no sports teams, no fraternities or sororities, but offered outstanding academics and (if you had the right major and could survive- the attrition rate was like 80%) an almost certain guarantee of admission into top medical and graduate schools. Apparently, things have changed there, and I’m supposed to be excited about it. Feh, one more reason to not donate money to them when they come begging every year.
SEA SMITH HERE TO DO LINKS. AFTER LAST WEEK, COUSIN STEVE SMITH AND ZARDOZ TOO SAD TO MAKE LINKS FOR HERE. SEA SMITH DO GOOD JOB…HE LIKE TO MAKE LINKS FOR PEOPLE. AND BY MAKE LINKS, MEAN…MAKE LINKS. SEA SMITH GO LOOK FOR FISHING BOAT LATER. HE BE MOST DANGEROUS CATCH. BY MOST DANGEROUS CATCH, MEAN DANGEROUS TO FISHING BOAT CREW!
On the plus side, I have somehow managed to stay mostly plant-based while in Del Boca Vista, through the simple method of insisting Webdom or I cook every meal. Unlike her son, my MIL is completely not fussy and will eat anything put in front of her, unless it’s too spicy. (Hmm…I wonder if she’s also UCS’s (((Mom))).) So it’s working out OK.
On the negative side, I’ve consumed vast quantities of wine. Like, you know, a metric fuckton of bottles of wine. OMWC’s Mom has some memory issues, which is to be expected if one is old enough to be the parent of an Old Man. Happily, she is a very sweet lady whom I love, so, while also challenging, it’s mostly sad. But sad enough that I need Coping Wine. Even Webdom, who is not a notable drinker, is imbibing nightly.
How did you do? Wait, what? I’m the only one still doing this??????
Need something even MORE decadent? Ok. Let’s drink some Left Hands. The Left Hand is a Bourbon Boulevardier using Campari and Carpano Antica. But things get a little interesting by adding Chocolate Bitters and a brandied cherry garnish. Bitter Truth Xocolatl Mole bitters are generally preferred here, but Fee Brothers Aztec Chocolate Bitters will work, too. Most recipes call for 2 dashes, but I find that to be a little too understated. I usually opt for 3 or 4 (depending on the ratios and volumes I’m mixing). As previously mentioned, the Carpano Antica has some vanilla and cocoa notes that play really well with bourbon. The chocolate bitters bring those flavors to the fore and the whole thing works beautifully. Play around with it and I’m sure you’ll find a ratio you like.
