So…”sloopy” allegedly “commented” on a post last night. How very convenient that it happened to be a post by Banjos!!!!! I tell you, I am getting close…and this is BIG. Chemtrails, lizard people (sure, Mr. Lizard is out in the open, telling us we will be working in their slave labor hot rock factories and nutria ranches…but it goes deeper than that!!!) the CIA, EM fields… it is all coming together. Sure, it sounds crazy – but that is what THEY want you to think!
SO, I will let you have some information, so I can get back to work on the investigation;
Birthdays; Tris Speaker (1888), Muddy Waters (1913), Anthony Perkins (1932), Craig T. Nelson (1944) Robert Downey Jr. (1965), David Blaine (1973), Heath Ledger (1979) and Jamie Lynn Spears (1991)
Sports; Baseball occurred. I still don’t want to talk about hockey. NBA winding down the regular season. Golf a comin’ up this here weekend.
Links;
Really? You did what, Norwegian non-profit? BTW – why in Hell is the US taxpayer being wrung out to pay a Norwegian group to dole out $ to others?
I sure wish we had more choo-choos like Europe! What could go wrong? *California nods enthusiastically*
Rue Britannia. Protect yourself in your home, get charged. Hard to believe what the UK has become.
Hey?! You know how much day care costs? Alternatively, Most libertarian parents evah?
OK, time for me…who is there? HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?! HEY – what do you mean “mental health assessment?!” GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! I ….
Striking a blow for equality, an unidentified woman ripped off the shackles of the patriarchy and became a female mass shooter today. What a more appropriate place is there than Progressive YouTube Headquarters to prove to the world that women are just as capable as men? Although her massacre cannot compare to the devastation wrought by her male counterparts, she did manage to successfully wound three people and twist the ankle of a fourth before shooting herself. You go Grrrl! In her defense, she probably was exhausted from having to walk there all the way from a gun shop in Indiana.
And now that we have shattered the glass ceiling in addition to windows, those seeking equality of outcome need to start pushing to end the ridiculous gender imbalances still infesting our society. First and foremost, the homicide rate at a ridiculously lopsided 79% male. More women need to be murdered by their fellow man woman, which will also even out the blatantly sexist 96% percentage of male murderers. And while we are at it lets tackle the inequality of suicide rates (67%) and the incarceration rate (82% male).
But should we really stop there? We cannot truly end the patriarchy until we see and equal number of women die from work related injuries (93% men) and force more women to be chronically homeless and live on the streets (75% men), push more women to die of heart disease (62% men), cancer (58% men) and the ultimate sign of equality – fix the average life expectancy gender differential.
So let’s do it ladies! Let’s pull up our sleeves and demand 100% equality of outcome! These men have had it too good for too long.
The boy child is home sick watching Fireman Sam, which, in the pantheon of annoying kids shows is closer to Daniel Tiger than Caillou. Although the mythical town of Ponti Pandi appears to have one of each type of Anglophone, including “Southern bachelor” — you know, like Ray Gillette from Archer, but a bit more — queenish. Plus the Aussie and the Canukistani dudes hang out exclusively with each other. That has nothing to do with the links or the afternoon. Just what was at the front of my mind. In SPORTZBALL stuff, the Astros really need more practice winning stuff, as their World Series banner unveiling went… poorly. Thank goodness for men with lawn equipment and a purpose.
Well if Carter, Clinton, and GWB are for it, I’m agin it! Or let’s just say I am the cynic who both agrees that vote fraud is likely a problem in some elections (mostly local) and disagrees that photo IDs to vote will fix the problem.
I might be a fan of Spotify now, as they appear to have made a killing screwing the traditional banksters out of their 35% share of the IPO. The high-level view is instead of the listing banks buying some huge amount of the stock at the reference price and selling at market (almost always higher), Spotify sold directly to the market.
The US Federal Reserve picks most hawkish dove for Presidency. At least this guy is willing to argue that interest rates should go up until inflation materializes. SLD, there shouldn’t be a Fed, but if there is, it would be nice if the leadership would acknowledge that interest rates should be increasing in a period of prosperity, lest they have another easy money collapse and no tools to affect the economy with. Better still if they acknowledged that they don’t actually steer the boat, but hey. Baby steps.
“These kids are just pathetic. P-A-T-H-T-E-T-K. Low-energy losers. I could go out right now and find all the eggs. All the eggs. Like in a minute. MIN-IT! Also, what’s the matter with this fucking bunny? Is he near-sighted or what? Or WHAT? Far-sighted, whatever, I dunno. Can’t he afford LASIK? Loser. Hey, kids, here’s something fake news CNN and fake NBC won’t tell you: There is no Easter Bunny. No Easter Bunny. This is just Jared in a suit! You OK in there, Jared? You OK? By the way, folks, this is Jared’s suit. We didn’t buy this for this, what? what do you call it? Eggroll? Like a Chinese restaurant? Eggroll, really? Dumb name. Just a dumb name. Anyway, Jared already had this. Whoa! Who knows what’s going on at Ivanka’s house. I mean, I got three grandkids–right? three?–so I guess it works out, but, geez, I tell you folks, this pretty messed up. I’m going inside. Yuge disappointment. YUGE!”
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS NOT PLEASED. ZARDOZ DID NOT RAISE YOU OUT OF BRUTALITY, ONLY TO SEE SOME WIZENED ADVICE COLUMNIST BRUTAL DRAG YOU BACK INTO THE WAYS OF ERROR. THEREFOR, ZARDOZ WILL GIVE HIS CHOSEN ONES THE GIFT OF ADVICE. GO FORTH AND READ!
Q.My elderly father remarried after my mother died two years ago. He married an acquaintance who is 30 years younger at the courthouse with no friends or family in attendance.
He told this woman beforehand that there was a large widow’s pension he’d paid into for decades that he wanted to give to her by marrying her. She claimed to be in an “unhappy” marriage at the time, and promptly got a divorce.
Well, she and her now-ex have “suddenly started getting along just great,” so she decided to continue to live with her ex after her marriage to Dad. Despite agreeing to these terms and because the woman teased him before their marriage, Dad is angry that she still won’t have sex with him.
Also upsetting is that when they are out socially, his new wife still introduces her ex as her “husband” and Dad as their “friend.”
Now we learn, despite assurances during discussions with an attorney prior to the marriage that she would never exercise her rights as a spouse to any other funds or property, she’s asking my dad for a monthly allowance so she can retire, since she has no savings.
Abby, do we have any recourse in this situation? Do you think we are right to call my father’s marriage fraudulent, and would we be considered accomplices by not reporting it to any authorities before his death? — STEPDAUGHTER IN REVOLT
A. WEAKLING! WHY ARE YOU ASKING “DEAR ABBY” WHAT TO DO? WHY ARE YOU NOT LEADING A TROOP OF BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS OVER TO THE DWELLING OF ‘NEW WIFE’ AND ‘EX’. YOUR ONLY DECISION SHOULD BE IF THE TWO ARE TO BE CLEANSED,
ANNULMENT SQUAD…ATTACK!
OR TAKEN AS GRAIN SLAVES.
HAPPY RETIREMENT!
YOUR “DAD” IS NOT BLAMELESS EITHER, DOTARD OR NOT – HE MUST REMEMBER THE PENIS IS EVIL! SO TELL HIM TO SAVE HIS “NOT GETTING ANY” ANGER.
THE WHAT IS EVIL AGAIN?
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q.I’m in seventh grade. Until recently, I was my usual happy, bubbly self. I saw school as a place to make friends and have more freedom than I did in elementary school. I was always happy and social and made friends easily.
As the months have passed, it seems like, as I look around, everything annoys me. I can’t explain why but I have stopped talking to all of my friends for long periods of time.
All these terrible emotions build up. I am angry, sad, frustrated. Now everything that has built up inside me comes out at the worst times. I cry a lot and I feel no one understands why.
This may seem like a normal middle-school breakdown that goes away over days, but it’s not. People see me crying and think, “Oh no, she’s crying for no reason again” or “Why is she crying? What is wrong?” but the thing is I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
At odd moments when I’m alone with my thoughts, these feelings come back, stronger and stronger each time. I can’t stop them. Why am I like this? — ALMOST-TEEN IN TURMOIL
A. YOUNG BRUTAL, YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY FEELING THE PROPER GUILT AT BEING PART OF THE PLAGUE OF MEN, THE FILTH OF BRUTALS. THAT, OR YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A NORMAL PART OF ADOLESCENCE. THE TABERNACLE CAN REFER YOU TO A QUALIFIED ETERNAL TO SCAN YOU AND ADVISE.
TABERNACLEMED, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?
SHOULD YOU BE UNABLE TO SHAKE THIS OFF – MAYBE SOME FRESH AIR AND HARD WORK WOULD HELP CLEAR YOUR MIND…
WELCOME TO CAMP VORTEX
WE ALSO HAVE AN “ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL” AVAILABLE. THE FACULTY ARE QUITE DEMANDING, HOWEVER.
Nothing yet from sloopy…but I am on the case! I have it narrowed down to alien abduction or a “Deliverance” style ordeal in central Texas. So while the Glib-Files investigators work on this, I will send another round of links your way.
[Actor heavy] Birthdays: Washington Irving (1783), Iron Eyes Cody (1904),
“I am sad I am not around to celebrate my birthday”
Doris Day (1922), Marlon Brando (1924), Wayne Newton (1942), Tony Orlando (1944), Alec Baldwin (1958), Eddie Murphy (1961), Amanda Bynes (1986)
Sports: ‘nova beat Michigan in basketball. The dream of an undefeated White Sox season died. I still don’t want to talk about hockey.
Links:
#MeToo means she won’t. Before this calms down, I wonder how many other politcos will have the skeletons in their closets dragged out and shown to the world. Overall, I must say this is a good thing…if this is what it takes to pry some of these careerists out of office.
This will not end well. Personally, I would have kept my head down, mouth shut and not made a spectacle of myself…were I trying to get into the US. I wonder if ICE could make a trade – LA area homeless for Hondurans?
Hmmm. I wonder when we will get a “ripped from the headlines” episode of some police procedural about this story. Probably not, because the villains are in blue and the DA’s office.
“Extremely glib“?! Hey, that is our schtick!! There has been some talk of adopting “extremely glib and not at all aligned with the truth” as an official site motto.
Prince Charles…spreading the demise of monarchy, one dominion at a time?
Oooh, I have to run now….the tip hotline is ringing. Sloopy, hang in there buddy, we’ll find you! THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!
According to Amazon: The easy-to-use Hutzler Banana Slicer provides a quick solution to slice a banana uniformly each and every time. Simply press the slicer on a peeled banana and the work is done. Safe, fun and easy for children to use.
Kids just love eating bananas with this as their favorite kitchen tool. The Banana Slicer may also be used as a quick way to add healthy bananas to breakfast cereal or to make uniform slices for a fruit salad or ice cream dessert.
Features:
Easy to use
Slices bananas uniformly, each and every time
Press the slicer on a peeled banana and the work is done
Safe and fun for kids
Dishwasher safe
BPA free
Banana slicing has never been easier or more fun!
While it seems like the Hutzler 571 meets every need you could possibly have, it wouldn’t be right of me to not tell you about some of its shortcomings.
First, it appears this device makes bananas stop talking, as one customer reported.
Paul empathises, “I had a similar issue with my potatoes when I got my mandolin slicer. To be honest, I kind of relish the silence now. The Yukon Golds were always bullying the russets around. Napoleon complex if you ask me.”
But, Leila believes that’s a perk: “It is better this way, believe me. When bananas talk, they get all these ideas in their stems about equality and fair treatment. Next thing you know, they’re getting the pears involved and from there it’s only a few days until open rebellion. Keep them silent, everyone knows bananas are a bunch of commies.”
If you can put up with your bananas suddenly going silent and the lack of wifi on this device, then the Hutzler 571 is the device that will make your kitchen complete.
I heard a lot of complaining this morning that Winter won’t leave. I feel it, too. Why, we were out on the beach yesterday and it was really too cold for anyone except the little kids, the Canadians, and people with at least 4 inches of blubber around their body to stay in the water. And now both my kids say their ears hurt. This damn winter, man. It has gone on too long.
I haven’t been following the budgets of Oklahoma or Kentucky very closely, but the truism of state budgets are that there are only 3 cost centers: schools, hospitals, and prisons. In many states, that middle one has been sucking all the air out of the room for about a decade. But those inbred, redneck (oilneck) hillbilly fucks might also just hate larnin’ in general.
Costa Rica elects former PM to presidency in… surprise upset? So the guy ran on desperately needed fiscal reforms in a country that has received 4 credit downgrades and his gay marriage position made a difference? Skeptical Brett L (who worked in CR for about a year once) is skeptical.
The propellantless EM drive (now re-monikered as MEGA) gets a big phase II funding thumbs up. I really hope this isn’t bunk science, but the effects measured are too small for me to feel excited about this technology — even though much work was put into verifying the result, put me in the camp that says they really need a strong showing in this 2nd phase.
I have been lugging a pistol around for thirty five years. It is a nuisance. I have to make certain I remember to bring it with me every time I leave the house. I have to always know where it is, make sure it is safe from theft or curious hands, and it can be heavy and uncomfortable to wear. Mind you, I love my pistols because most of them are the pinnacle of the machinist’s art. My collection, better than I ever thought I would have as a young man, goes back five generations in my family. They aren’t just tools. They are a testament to the ingenuity and skill of man, but just carrying a hunk of steel around is a pain in the butt. When I am home, I always have one either within arm’s reach or a step or two away. I have solved some of the problem by stepping down from a full sized pistol to a sub-compact, but it is still a nuisance.
Stainless, timeless, priceless
I find recreational shooting enormously enjoyable and years ago I did some competitive shooting. For me, the competition was just organized recreational shooting. Back in those days, I would burn through fifty thousand or more rounds per year. I was no Jerry Miculek but I guess I wasn’t too bad. I could break clays with ease with a pistol even drawing after the clay was in the air. Unfortunately, that is a perishable skill as I recently learned. Despite my enjoyment of all that, utility carrying is no fun. I wish I lived in a world where I could just put them all back in the safe after playtime is over.
I raised or partially raised several children, but I have only one biological son. He was the kid everyone wishes they had. He was never any trouble and actually followed the advice I gave him. I don’t know how much of that was because of me. I know his mother was no small part of it, but I like to think I wasn’t, either. He is a grown man now, married with two children and owns his own wildly successful business. He is smart and industrious and a true credit to our society.
When he was one year old, or thereabouts, his mother and I had our own business. It was a lot of work and meant long work days, sometimes up to 16 hours. We took turns in the evenings taking our son home and putting him to bed. One evening it was my turn so I put him in the child seat and strapped it in on the passenger side front seat. It was a dreary night, pissing rain and cold. Visibility was bad. In those days we had a small traffic circle that I had to navigate through to get home. Because it was so small, it was impossible to yield and then zip around. Invariably cars had to stop and wait. It functioned more as a four-way stop than a circle. On that evening, as usual, I had to stop. There were several cars in front of me and cars stopped behind me.
Without any warning a man began pounding on the passenger side window with his fist, just inches from my infant son. He was yanking on the door handle and trying to break the glass at the same time. He was screaming and cursing at me and demanding that I open the door. I don’t know where he came from. I have no idea what his circumstances were or why he was doing that, but no way in hell was I going to unlock that door. Fortunately, I had my pistol tucked between the seat and the console. I drew it out, reached across the cabin and pointed straight at his chest. I tapped on the window three times with the end of the barrel. *Poof*. The guy disappeared like smoke in the wind. I looked around the windows and in all of the mirrors, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. He must have dropped to the ground and crawled away. I still thank God he had the wisdom to do that. I didn’t have to pull the trigger but if he had broken that window or gotten that door open I certainly would have. In all of the years I have carried a pistol, that is the only time I have had to lay hands on it in earnest.
A pistol is exactly analogous to a fire extinguisher: another tool that I keep close at hand all of the time. I keep two of those in my jeep. You lug it around and 99.9999% of the time you don’t need it, but when the moment arises that you do need it, by God you need it.
As you can imagine, anti-gun and anti-second amendment arguments don’t carry much weight with me. Walk out all you want. Yammer lies until your jaw falls off. I am keeping my guns. It just isn’t up for discussion. My son is likely in the world today because one rainy evening twenty five years ago I had a pistol.
I think sloopy got abducted by aliens. I got kind of a garbled request for assistance this morning, followed by “not the rectal probe!”… Or, maybe, he ran into some podunk sheriff’s department just off the Interstate that is searching for CONTRABANDZ. Either way, you are still getting your Links this morning, and liking it!
We’re going to need a bigger boat
Sports… Baseball panic or false euphoria has started for [INSERT FAVORITE TEAM HERE]. NCAA Basketball concludes tonight – not that I will bother watching two teams I could care less about. NHL playoffs start soon…I don’t want to talk about it.
Birthdays…let us see here:
Charlemagne (742), Hans Christian Andersen (1805), Emile Zola (1840), Buddy Ebsen (1908), Alec Guinness (1914), Marvin Gaye (1939), Camille Paglia (1947) and Michael Fassbender (1977)… I think Charlemagne could take ’em all on… Was Buddy Ebsen ever any good with a great axe?
So, Links then:
Oh, this should be fun. By fun, I mean, this is going to suck. Porfirio Diaz may have been a dictatorial dirt bag, but “Poor Mexico, so far from God, so close to the United States” still rings true.
Upstate NY, Great Plains and Upper Midwest Glibs laugh at Britain. Oh noes!
Boring! No “I woke up and found half a Chinese Space Station in my back yard” stories. Feh.
