Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Category: Food & Drink

  • Spontaneous Cooking: Pantry Meals

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    So far, I have talked about cooking from fresh ingredients and avoided the use of processed ingredients. But, just as I think everyone should have a date night dinner they can pull out to make, I think everyone should be able to make dinner strictly from pantry items. This is useful when you (like me) have recently been traveling and haven’t been able to get to the grocery store, or if (like me) you are just swamped at work and haven’t been able to get to the grocery store. Knowing how to make a meal from the pantry means you can still avoid the high calorie, high volume of take out.

    I have a pretty extensive pantry. As a partial list, I keep canned beans (black, white and red), canned tomatoes, canned green beans, canned artichoke hearts, canned tuna, and cream of mushroom soup on hand. I also always have frozen broccoli, artichoke hearts, Brussels sprouts, and salmon or other frozen fish in the freezer. I keep rice, wheat pasta, rice noodles, and bouillon in my pantry as well. In addition to canned, frozen, and dry goods, I think of a few fresh (fresher) items like kielbasa, or other pre-cooked sausage, onions, garlic, spinach, and lemons or limes as pantry items because I always have them on hand. Your pantry items may be different.

    Pantry meals do have a downside. They aren’t as tasty as cooking from scratch and downside for me – upside for some – they make more than one serving. I take the leftovers to work for lunch.

    Sausage and Beans

    I make sausage and beans from pre-cooked sausage (most recently chicken and garlic), white beans (usually cannellini, but others work), garlic and spinach.

    Sausage & Beans Ingredients

    I cut about one third of the kielbasa into rounds,the rest I put in the refrigerator – it will keep for a few days for other recipes – and sauté the rounds.

    Sausage Saute

    I just brown the slices on both sides. I don’t even add any oil. The slices will give off fat while browning. Next, I add some chopped garlic and a drained and rinsed can of white beans. I like the beans toasted, so I give it a minute or two, stirring occasionally.

    Add Beans
    Add Spinach

    Then add about one half of a bag of spinach.

    Turn off the heat and toss it until the spinach wilts.

    Sausage Sauté with Spinach

    Squeeze a lemon quarter over it, it does make a difference. This makes about three servings for me.

    But why not just get takeout? I timed this. It took me sixteen minutes to make, including slicing the sausage and chopping the garlic, and I wasn’t rushing. It also cost much less than takeout and I think it is better for me.

    Variations: You can use black or red beans, even chickpeas, instead. On one occasion, I didn’t have sausage, but I did have pepperonis. So I put a little oil in the pan, sautéed the garlic, added the beans and pepperonis, then the spinach. It was good. You could substitute chorizo or other sausage as well. If it isn’t pre-cooked, though, it will take longer to make.

    Another use for sausage is a variation of the stove top hotdish I grew up with. Stove top hotdish is a package of mac ‘n’ cheese combined with a cut up hot dog and frozen veggies or a can of tuna and frozen peas. I no longer buy packaged mac ‘n’ cheese. Instead I use a little pasta, frozen veggies and whatever cheese I have on hand. Most recently I had cream cheese to use up. I sautéed my sausage, microwaved a broccoli cauliflower mix and combined it with some pasta, cream cheese, cheddar, and cayenne pepper.

    Spinach, sausage, and garlic are fresh(er) ingredients. What if you don’t have those on hand?

    Easy, make 8 minute soup. This is a strictly canned goods dish. Drain and rinse a can of black beans and a can of red beans. Put in a pot. Add a can (including liquid) of tomatoes. Add a drained and rinsed can of corn. Add two or three cups of broth (made with bouillon if needed) and a tablespoon of chili powder and ½ tsp of cayenne and ¼ tsp of black pepper. Taste, then add salt. All those canned goods have salt, so make sure you taste to avoid an overly salty dish. Bring to a boil and boil for 8 minutes. If you use vegetable broth, you have a vegan soup. (You’re welcome, SP).

    These are just three of what I call pantry meals. There are hundreds more that you can make. As I mentioned above, it really depends on what you keep in the pantry. So, Glibertarians, what do you keep in your pantry, and what are your favorite pantry meals?

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  • BIF – Not just a guy from Back to the Future

    Not like this. They gotta catch me first.

    mexican sharpshooter has left the country temporarily, therefore he will cede the floor to Glibs participating in the BIF until he returns.

    By Nephilium

    Some of you may have seen my frequent posts about something called a BIF, and wondered what I was talking about. So, the participants in this most recent BIF have written up some blurbs so you can see what it’s all about (blame Yusef for the idea… Slainte Yusef!). First off, a BIF stands for Beer It Forward. The concept is you have a bunch of people who are interested in trying new beers sign up. Then you can either do a shotgun BIF (all participants ship to someone else at around the same time), or a chain BIF (a package wends its way through a list of participants, with people choosing someone off the list to ship to). The chain BIF can add a bit of excitement, as you never know when you’re getting a package, but it has the problem of long delays, and the possibility of the chain getting broken (life happens). So, for the two BIF’s I’ve ran here, they’ve been shotgun BIF’s.

    Each participant was asked to put together a package that contained between 72 – 90 ounces of local beers. Why 72 – 90 ounces? It allows for a six pack of 12 oz cans/bottles, or four 22 oz bombers. Swag was permitted, but not expected. Each person was asked for their address, and beer preferences, which were passed along to the person shipping to them. I then split the participants up (roughly) by region, and randomly assigned people to ship to a different region then the one they were in. So… without further ado, we’ll start with…

    Yusef, who Nephilium shipped to:

    I moved to Canon City Colorado in 1995, left my Wife behind to pack while I made Money and found a Home.It got boring so I went to the Library( they didn’t have Internet back then in Colorado) and found some books about Beer, not making it, but what types and styles, and why, etc. My First real craft Beer was a New Belgium Fat Tire Brown Ale, and I was Hooked.

    Not my photo, or Yusef’s

    Trappist Monk Ales, Scotch Ales, anything new and different. Came back to Shit Hole Land in 1998 and found `tons of great microbreweries and have enjoyed Good beer ever since.

    First off is a Sour Ale called Smiley faces from Platform Brewery, This Beer Stinks, Really, it smells of something God Awful yet tastes Delicious, Super Cloudy and Dense, 4/5

    Next is FatHeads Sunshine Daydream, a Session Ipa, Some Fruity notes, and a Nutty finish, 3.5/5, it keeps hanging on through my Drunkenness, +  Rammstein

    Next up, Hopping Frog Infusion A, Coffee Porter, 6.2%  Ambrosia in a glass, the Peanut Butter comes through before the Coffee, making for a Wonderful taste, and Thicc too, like I like my Women. 5/5 it’s that good.

    Habutuale was Disappointing, it’s a good Kolsch, and finishes with a bitterness that I like, so I guess it’s good, for a Kolsch, 3/5

    Bed Head Red, Sounds like me waking up, but instead is a solid, good drinker, nothing weird, and it doesn’t stink, a solid 4/5

    Sibling Revelry Blood Brood, Well, Cloud City is calling, they want there Beer back, It stinks, yet tastes very good, the Haze makes me wonder how I’ll Poop tomorrow, 3.7/5

    Thanks to Nephilium for putting this all together,

    SKOL!

  • CPRM’s [REDACTED] Dessert

    This image has been altered to annoy people.
    Not actual product

    Ok.  I don’t usually make or eat dessert, but this one is a family recipe that I’ll enjoy at least once a year.  Most exciting for all of you, I don’t have to redact the name because truth be told I think it’s a made up nonsense name, but supposedly it comes from the old world.  We call it Hovavaka. It is a [REDACTED] cake, so we usually make it at least once when the [REDACTED] are ripe in early August.  It’s great fresh out of the oven with a scoop of ice cream on top.

    ...CAKE. WHAT YOU THINK STEVE SMITH MEAN? YOU HAVE DIRTY MIND!
    STEVE SMITH LIKE CAKE. BY CAKE MEAN…

    Ingredients:

    1 one gallon bucket filled to the brim with fresh picked [REDACTED]

    1 stick of [REDACTED]

    4 [REDACTED]

    1 cup of [REDACTED]

    1/2 cup of [REDACTED]

    2 cups of [REDACTED]*

    Baking Instructions:

    Start by washing all the [REDACTED] from the gallon bucket , since they are fresh make sure to get all the dirt and bugs off of them.  Now set them aside.

    Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Put the stick of [REDACTED] in a large cake pan.  I don’t know much about baking, so just use your judgement on if the pan is big enough.  Place the pan in the oven to let the [REDACTED] melt.

    In The Large Yellow Tupperware Bowl; put in your 2 cups of [REDACTED]* , add your 1/2 cup of [REDACTED] and crack your 4 [REDACTED]. Mix until smooth and lump free.

    We seriously use this thing a lot.
    Hello again, friend.

    Once the [REDACTED] in the cake pan is melted take it out of the oven and dump the 1 gallon bucket of [REDACTED] in.  Take the mixture in The Large Yellow Tupperware Bowl and pour that on top of the [REDACTED]. Sprinkle your 1 cup of [REDACTED] over the top, trying to evenly distribute.

    Place the pan in the oven at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until golden brown.  You can use the toothpick test to make sure.

    There you have it, an entire [REDACTED] meal.

     

    *Pursuant a FOIA request I must tell you that the final ingredient is Bisquick, if you tried to just use flower instead the result would be inedible and has been deemed cruel and unusual.

     

  • Spontaneous Cooking for Two! Date Night Dessert

    Previously, I showed you how to make a chicken kiev type dish as an impressive date night main course. A date night dinner also needs a dessert. It’s ok to serve fresh fruit and cookies, but I’d like to show you how to make an equally impressive dessert to go with it. Although I said a date night dinner shouldn’t require you to spend time in the kitchen, this dessert does. It’s your chance to show off. I’m going to make a pineapple flambé to serve over ice cream.

    Mise en Place

    This dessert is yet another canvas for experimentation. I like to use a fresh fruit and a dried fruit. I soak the dried fruit in liquor. I am using dried cherries soaked in rum. Soaking them plumps them up and lets them soak up the flavor. I suggest you begin soaking them just before serving dinner. The rum is needed to make the flambe.

    Cherries in Rum

    I like cinnamon and pineapple, so I also dust the pineapple with a little cinnamon. I chop some fresh pineapple and sauté it in butter and a little brown sugar. When the pineapple reaches a good texture – easily pierced with a fork – I will add the dried cherries and rum.

    IMPORTANT!

    Important safety tip. Always remove the pan from the fire, add the alcohol, and then put it back on the fire. (Your guest should stand back.) If you have a gas stove, tip the pan slightly (away from you) and the fumes will catch fire. Impressive. If you don’t have a gas stove, use a lighter once the pan is returned to the heat.

    Flambé!

    FLAMBE BABY!

    Once the alcohol is flamed off, remove from the heat, dish up some ice cream and serve the pineapple mixture over the ice cream. Add a few nuts for texture. I’m using chopped pecans, but walnuts would also work.

    Finished Dessert

    (I know this is two big servings, I decided this would be my dinner. DON’T JUDGE ME!)

    Variations

    You can do many different combinations. I have done fresh apples (use something tart) and golden raisins soaked in bourbon. An apple brandy could be used, or switch out the raisins for dried cranberries. Peaches and dried cherries, pineapple and dried bananas, bananas and dried pineapple – you pick the liquor. They all work. I’ve used cinnamon on apples and basil on pineapple. Peaches, dried cherries and mint worked well. A friend of mine makes vanilla sugar by putting split vanilla beans in sugar in a small container. I bet that would be a good substitute for the sugar and cinnamon I used here. You’re going to eat it over ice cream, it’s hard to screw up.

  • Spring Beer it Forward Part 1

    Lookie, Lookie. I have “something” for “you.”

    It finally came to pass. Upon receipt of a Glib’s name and address, I boxed up the promised Grand Canyon Shaggy Bock along with a few others I thought would be of interest. Unfortunately, Stouts tend to fall out of favor earlier in the year in Arizona than other parts of the country so I did the best I could.

    On the flip side, a little under a week later I received a message from UPS and the Glib who drew my name both confirming there was a package at my door.

    This is my review of Big Ditch Excavator Rye Brown Ale. Hat Tip: Lackadaisical

    I don’t know about you, but when I think of Buffalo, ditches are not what come to mind. Normally, it’s hot wings, the Goo Goo Dolls, Jim Kelly and lemon scent heavy starch.

    Not this guy

    According to the handwritten note (nice touch, BTW) I also received, the big ditch refers to the Erie Canal.  For those of us that were fans of the NFL and/or Chris Berman in the 90’s, this is not a reference to the former starting quarterback of NY (football) Giants: Danny (Erie) Kanell.

    The Erie Canal was one of the first infrastructure projects in the United States. Its purpose was to connect the northeast with the rest of the country by digging a waterway starting from Troy, NY to Rome, Syracuse, Rochester and finally ending in Buffalo at Lake Erie. From there, ships could travel via the Great Lakes to ports in the midwest. Congress easily passed an appropriation for the project but interestingly enough it was vetoed by president James Monroe because, get this—he thought the idea was unconstitutional.

    Jefferson didnt much care for it either (emphasis mine).

    1817 June 16. (Jefferson to Albert Gallatin). “You will have learned that an act for internal improvement, after passing both Houses, was negatived by the President. The act was founded, avowedly, on the principle that the phrase in the Constitution which authorizes Congress ‘to lay taxes to pay the debts and provide for the general welfare,’ was an extension of the powers specifically enumerated to whatever would promote the general welfare…it was never meant they should provide for that welfare but by the exercise of the enumerated powers, so it could not have been meant they should raise money for purposes which the enumeration did not place under their action…I think the passage and rejection of this bill a fortunate incident…[it] will settle forever the meaning of this phrase, which, by a mere grammatical quibble, has countenanced the General Government in a claim of universal power.”

    How quaint.  I’m getting another beer.

    Nevertheless, the project was eventually funded by the state of New York and construction began on July 4, 1817. Given the time, construction was done the hard way—with picks and shovels. Yes, the work was done mostly by immigrants.

    The canal is viewed by many historians as a success. Within 15 years of construction New York City became the largest port in the country by tonnage processed, exceeding Boston, Baltimore and New Orleans—combined. Nearly 80% of the population of Upstate New York lives within 25 miles of the canal because many cities grew around the canal, much like people later settled around railways and major highways.

    Is this beer any good? If you have been following my weekly beer review you might know that I happen to fancy brown ale as well as rye beer. Naturally the combination of the two I found most enjoyable. Big Ditch Excavator Rye Brown Ale: 4.2/5

    Also included was the Hayburner IPA.

    This isn’t as overpowering as most IPA, so if you happen to be the type that is in search of the most horrifying, tear inducing IPA possible—keep looking. If you happen to be more of a traditionalist as far as IPA is concerned, you may like this. If you happen to find the idea of IPA to be in poor taste, stick to what you like. Big Ditch Hayburner IPA: 3.5/5

    More to come on the Spring Beer it Forward…stay tuned.

  • Pinky Out! The Fancy Beer Challenge — Part 2

    Swiss decided to challenge me again.  This time instead of the worst possible beer I could get my hands on I was to locate the absolute snootiest of snooty beer.  Unfortunately, I might have painted myself into a corner with the deadline in this one. I told him I would have it finished before the Beer it Forward piece.

    This might have been my fault.

    Up first was the second most interesting thing I could find at AJ’s, a local high-end grocer.  By high end grocer I mean in the same neighborhood as a Catholic high school with yoga pants wearing Catholic schoolgirl types.  Why the second most interesting? The most
    interesting thing was barrel aged Old Rasputin and quite frankly I already did an article on that one.  The best part was I actually wrote that one at work (Rufus).

    This one to put it bluntly is quite good.  It reminds me a lot of a Belgian quadrupel ale with a lot of spices we typically associate with fall.  I would probably enjoy it more if it wasn’t 115 degrees. Still, I give The Brurey Autumn Maple a solid 4 pinky’s out of 5

    I woke up with a splitting headache.  Slightly nauseated. Loss of appetite.

    “You’re not hungover.” Sugarfree said. He had settled himself in a lotus position on top of a rock conveniently placed in the sun.  A small mirror was in the dirt with grayish black powder strewn about its surface. He appeared to be meditating but when most people do that they normally aren’t twisting their nipples.  I hesitated to ask why he felt the need to do this naked.

    Quite frankly I didn’t want to know.

    I noticed a small pile of spent 5.56 NATO ammunition near our campground.  Next to Sugarfree’s meditating rock I found more empty cartridges along with their corresponding projectiles.  They looked like they had been pulled out using teeth as a vice.

    “What happened last night?”  I asked.

    “STEVE SMITH HAPPENED.”  Sugarfree replied.

    “I gathered that.”  I said. Sheepishly examining my ass.  Nothing out of the ordinary there.

    “You shot him six times.  It left a convenient trail for us to follow.”  Sugarfree explained. He opened his eyes. You did the worst thing you could possibly do to STEVE SMITH.”

    “…shoot him?”

    “You frustrated him.”

    “Oh…goody.”

    “That’s why I took the pews from your assault pew pew thingy and snorted the pew powder inside.”

    “Of course you did…did you do that with all 210 rounds I had?”

    Sugarfree stood atop his rock, turned around and bent over.  He let out a hearty cough while coming to a squat.  The procedure allowed me to infer he ate at few bullets.

    “37.”  He answered.  It then occurred to me I could’ve just checked my bag to see if he stole all my ammunition.  “I got full.”

    *Honk* *Honk* *Honk*

    “What the hell?”  I asked. Looking down the trail I noticed a plume of dirt approaching us quickly.

    “This just got better.”  Sugarfree explained. “He found us!”

    “Who found us?”

    A Subaru Forester came to a abrupt stop in front of our campground.  A skinny hipster wearing a dirty, vintage t-shirt and skinny jeans stepped out.  He turned and looked in Sugarfree’s direction but stopped abruptly.

    “Did any of you guys call an Uber?” He asked.

    “In the middle of the woods?”  I was confused.

    “Oh okay.  He told me you’d ask me that.” The hipster said.

    I noticed he was still behind the door.

    “Who told you that?”  I asked, still confused.

    “The man who gave me this.”  The hipster reached into the Subaru and pulled out a box.  In his haste, he
    revealed he had a bloody stump, wrapped with a linen dressing.

    “What happened to you?”  I asked.

    “He told me you would need a hand.” The Uber driver curled up into a fetal position and began to cry uncontrollably.  I opened the box to find a soft, white hand still holding an iPhone inside a red, silicone case with a white cross.

    “Judas Titty Fucking Priest.”  I said out loud, to myself.

    “He told me…you’d…say that too.” The Uber driver managed to get out between sobs.

    Sugarfree drummed a catchy tune across his stomach then twiddled his fingers in the air.  “Narrowed gaze…”

    The phone then began ringing in the classic bluegrass ringtone.

    _____

    “Hi, this is Anna with Swiss Corpse International Industries, how are you today?”  Swiss got a new receptionist. This one was particularly bubbly.

    “It’s pronounced core…”. I said flatly.

    “Please hold, I’m going to try to patch you through…I’m still learning this so in case we get disconnected call 312–“

    “No!  Don’t you fucking do it, do not give out his number! HE WILL MURDER YOU!”

    “Connecting you now.”  Swiss always has the sweetest receptionists.  It’s terrible he could never find one that meets the Swiss standard of perfection.

    “…Damnit mex.  You have any idea the pickle you have me in?”  Swiss was yelling, I pulled the phone away from my ear, slightly.

    “I’m in the woods with Sugarfree, and he lost his pants.  Do tell me how your date with the Uber driver went…did he give a reach around?”  I turned to check on Sugarfree, and found that he had gathered a number of small rocks arranged into a circle.

    “No.  Why do you think I told him to give you a handy?”  The fucker had me cornered.

    “Fine.  Go.” I said.  Sugarfree had gathered a surprising amount of kindling.

    “You have any idea how long you two have been out there?”

    “No, but I bet your watch has a date complication that confirms how long I’ve been gone.”

    “You’re damn right it does.  Without a date complication a Rolex Datejust is just a ‘just’ now isn’t it?”  For a guy that hates puns and the people that make them, he was on a roll.  Even if that one was terrible. “I didn’t think this ‘ass-dog’ thing would be such an issue for you.  So you need to get something straight….”

    Swiss was gonna straighten me out.

    “Okay…”

    “I just found the most awesome watering hole.”

    “Okay…”  I said as I noticed Sugarfree got a small fire going.

    “You should see the chick that works there.”

    “Okay…”

    “Okay?  She has an unbelievable ass.”

    “Okay…”

    “Don’t ruin this for me!”

    “Okay…sorry…?”  I gave Sugarfree an inquisitive look.  He began to examine the Uber driver’s hand.

    “You should be sorry, now I’m down three posters this week.  I’m sending Warty your way.”

    “Warty!”  Sugarfree started jumping up and down, clapping with the Uber driver’s severed hand.  I turned away since I rather not see his junk bouncing along with him.

    “What?  Why? I have this Tiny-ass Dog thing down.”  I tried my best to be confident.

    “Bullshit.  You have any idea what the commenters said last week?  We had them bitching about random shit from jezebel and jihadwatch.  Then they started to Gilmore threads on corrupted titty-links. You have any idea what happens if you don’t channel the Saturday day drinking rage towards something that’s tangentially related to beer?”

    “…..no.”  If said yes, I feared he’d send me another hipster that would be paid to cut his own heart out and eat it in front of me.  At this point Sugarfree had the Uber driver’s hand on a spit over the fire.

    “Warty is of approximate size to STEVE SMITH.  You have the best tracker, and the best possible deterrent.  Make.This.Happen.” The call was over as quickly as it started.

    “What are you doing?” I asked Sugarfree.

    “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”  Sugarfree replied.

    “I have a granola bar in my bag….” I lied.  I ran out of food several days ago, and if I had any I wasn’t about to give any to Sugarfree.

    “I can’t eat that.  I’ve totally gone Keto.”  He turned the hand over. “Sugarfree isn’t just some moniker, it’s a lifestyle.”

    _____

    We followed the blood trail.  Sugarfree was right, and since I did get a few hits it was much easier to track STEVE SMITH.  The only problem was the drops became fewer and fewer, as if he had some kind of magical healing ability.

    “He has a magical healing ability.”  Sugarfree said.  He really needs to get out of my head.  “It makes him hard to track.”

    “Seriously, you need to stop doing that.  I don’t know how I think of something and then you immediately answer me back with a relevant response.”  I said.

    “I hear voices.  Sometimes they sound like you.  Other times they are just voices.” Sugarfree replied back ominously.

    “Are you hearing any others?”

    “Just yours.”

    A soft rustling in the bushes ahead got the attention of the two of us.  I couldn’t make out what was behind it.

    “STEVE.”  I asked.  “Look we need to talk…man.  I’m not trying to hunt you or your kin.”  I flipped the safety off.  “I just want the tiny ass dog back.”

    More rustling came from behind us.  I pivoted around in a low ready stance while Sugarfree kept spinning with his arms in the air.

    “Lets be reasonable STEVE.”  I knew there was nothing reasonable about that request.

    “Look.  If you shoot me. I’m going to have to break you, and I’d rather not do that, but I will if I have to.  You already made me miss my short workout for today, and I need to make up for it.”  The voice in the bushes responded.

    “WARTY!!”  Sugarfree started jumping up and down clapping.  Thankfully he found his pants a mile back.

    “Wait, you’re Warty?”  I asked.  That can’t be Warty.  This was a guy dressed like a Victorian-era explorer, monacle and everything.  “I was expecting somebody–”

    “Bigger?”  He asked.

    “Yes.  Bigger, balder, looks like he’s seen the inside of a gym.”

    “Its just my disguise.”  Warty explained.  “Sugarfree and I go a long ways back in tracking STEVE SMITH; going back years.  He’s not the type that will approach unless he thinks he has the upper hand.  He’s been lethal as early as eight months, and I do mean lethal. I’ve hunted most things that can hunt you, but the way he moves…”

    “He’s fast.”  Sugarfree interjected.  He began doing a dance reminiscent of the TechnoViking.

    “Cheetah speed. Fifty, sixty miles an hour if he ever gets out into the open, and he’s an astonishing jumper…”  Warty continued.

    “I’ve heard this somewhere before.”  I said.

    “He shows extreme intelligence, even problem-solving intelligence.  That one… when he looks at you, you can see he’s working things out. That’s why we had to feed him like that. He was attacking the fences when the feeders came…”

    “Like an electric fence?”  I asked.

    “That’s right, but he never attacks the same place twice. He was testing the fences for weaknesses, systematically. He remembers…”  Warty didn’t come up with this line.  He got that from somewhere.

    “He totally got that from Jurassic Park.”  Sugarfree did it again.

    “I told you to stop doing that.”

    “Stop what?”  Warty asked.

    “He does this thing where I think of something, and he responds to what I am thinking with an eerily appropriate response.”  I replied.  “GET OUT OF MY HEAD.”

    “Yeah, he does that.  You get used to it.”

    “The mind reading bit?  I’m supposed to get used to that?”

    “Don’t think of it as Sugarfree listening to your thoughts.  Its more like breaking the fourth wall, except the wall is your head, and you’re his audience.”  Warty explained.  “And his purpose is to use your thoughts to terrify you.”

    “What?”

    “It doesn’t matter.”  Warty said, working the massive bolt on his Holland and Holland “Bolt Action Magazine” rifle chambered in .375H&H.  “We have a sasquatch to find.”  He began waking quietly down the trail.

    “Dog.  We’re finding my little ass dog.”  I said.

    “Sasquatch.”

    _____

    “Sugarfree.  Quiet down.”  Warty said quietly.

    Darkness had fallen.  We were peeking over the edge of a berm.  I could just barely make out the form of the little dog under a bush.

    “If I make a break for it, I bet I can grab it and go.”  I whispered.

    “We can’t.”  Warty whispered back.

    “Why not?”

    “We’re being hunted….”  Warty whispered ominously.  Sweat began to bead across his brow as he flexed the massive muscles that worked his jaw.  His disguise was fading.  He turned quickly to me.  “GO!”

    Sugarfree made a break for it.  “AYE YA YIE!”

    “Not you!  Damnit.”  Warty said.

    We both turned and saw it….

    “Clever girl…..”  Warty whispered.  The cat slowly began to walk towards us, contemplating which one of us was easier to eat.

     

    STEVE SMITH LIKE NICE KITTY.  STEVE SMITH TAKE NICE KITTY HOME.  BY TAKE NICE KITTY HOME….

    The mountain lion struggled against STEVE SMITH’S massive, hairy arms and his massive hug.  It screeched like a housecat that got caught under a wheel well in the winter when it gets cold out and it wants to get warm from proximity to the engine.

    OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH

    “This is messed up.  Let’s just get the dog and go.”  Warty said.

    _____

    We celebrated later at a hotel and discovered they had Alesmith Speedway Stout on hand.  It was a fantastic imperial stout that rounded out our evenings with intense notes of chocolate and coffee.   I gave it a solid 4.5 pinkies out of 5.  I then considered something doesn’t add up, as a hotel probably wouldn’t have this sort of thing on hand.

    “It’s only a plot hole if you don’t acknowledge the existence of the plot hole.”  Sugarfree said.

    “I told you to stop doing that.”

     

     

  • Pinky out! The Fancy Beer Challenge – Part 1

    So…Last time, we suffered through the Bum Beer Challenge – seen here and here (Personally, I think mexican sharpshooter got the worst of it…even if his writing was much better than mine). This time the challenge was in the opposite direction. We wanted to find something so fancy that even a libertarian would sprain their pinky, holding it out as they sampled it. Their monocle would fog up and their top hat would deflate, it would be that highbrow.

    This did get me to wondering about the pinky out thing…is that really fancy, or just some made up bit that managed to worm its way into common belief?

    Still funny.

    This source says:

    People often think proper tea drinking means sticking your pinky out. That’s actually rude and connotes elitism. It comes from the fact that cultured people would eat their tea goodies with three fingers and commoners would hold the treats with all five fingers. Thus was born the misguided belief that one should raise their pinky finger to show they were cultured. Tuck that pinky finger in.

    “That’s actually rude and connotes elitism” AWW YEAH! PERFECT! We are spot on here.

    So, anyhoo, here is my entry into the Snob-off o’ beer.

     

    3 Sheeps Brewing Company hails from the noted center of culture that is Sheboygan, Wisconsin. But don’t let that fool you…they make classy beer. The best. Bigly good beer. I chose their fanciest:

    Awwww, yeah!

    SMALL BATCH: CUVEE BLEND

    We make a lot of beer. Some of it experimental, some of it pushes the boundaries of brewing, some of it puts unique twists on traditional styles — but it’s all a part of who we are. Once a year we step back, take a look at the work we’ve done, and create a special beer that draws from the best of the past 12 months. We call it Cuvee Blend. It’s a nod to the French winemaking tradition, a blend of aged beers from specially selected barrels, each chosen for their unique wood characteristics and blended in endless combinations until our palates are happy. Once we’re sure it’s perfect, the blend goes into another barrel to undergo secondary fermentation. The process is time consuming and meticulous, but we end up with something really special, something that’s more than just the sum of its parts.

    Yeah, sounds fancy to me. So what is the blend for 2018?

    19% imp stout aged in 2nd use rye whiskey barrels. 50% imp stout with toasted coconut aged in 2nd use bourbon barrels. 25% imp black wheat with coffee aged in 2nd use bourbon barrels. 6% belgian-style quad aged in 2nd use bourbon barrels.

    Now that is fancy!

    A snobby description can be found here.

    Mine own impression was that each aspect of it came forth, caressed your taste buds and bowed out for the next. The bourbon hovered in the background shepherding all this along. The coconut was quite subtle, the coffee not overpowering – it simply introduced itself, gave you a bit flavor and yielded to the rye. The rye was courtly in manner, taking your taste buds, bowing over them and stepping back to let the hint of Belgian quad finish off with a whisper.

    In lay terms…Jeebus, this was a fookin’ great beer. All sorts of good flavors, packs a good ABV too. Would swill again!

    But in all seriousness, it was one of the best beers I have had in my 52 years on this Earth.

    5 out of 5 pinkies out.

     

    Next up, Part 2, wherein mexican sharpshooter gets his fancy on.

  • A Tasting of Taliskers

    I love the Waters of Life.  I’ve never had a Japanese whiskey, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed those from our neighbors to the north, from the Emerald Isle, and of course from here at home.  America truly makes a world-class product.  Having said all of that, there really can’t be any doubt that the king of beverages comes from that tiny scrap of barbarian-infested wasteland on the other side of Hadrian’s Wall.  It is truly the drink of philosophers.

    See those Taliskers at the left? That will be relevant shortly.
    Most of my Scotch Supply as of June 11 2018

    Tonight, I will be trying two offerings from my favorite distiller, and placing them in context with those with which I am already familiar.

    Notice how the bottles on the right are larger -- to take advantage of tax laws, the bottles purchased at the Duty-Free shop are 1000mL. Also, the prices at the I87 border crossing shop are better than the Ogdenburg crossing store.
    Our guests of honor for this evening, from left to right: Talisker 10 Year, Storm, Dark Storm, Skye, and 57 degrees North

    For accompaniments, I have bread (an awful hippie spelt sourdough), cheese (Chaseholm Farms “Moonlight” and North Country Creamery “Feta” (which completely isn’t), chocolate (Ghiradelli 72%) and water (Saratoga County Water District “Tap”).  I will also be starting with Johnnie Walker Black to use as a control and palate reset.

    My tasting notes probably aren’t going to be very helpful for a couple of reasons.  First, I lack the vocabulary of a professional taster.  This isn’t that important, because nobody else on here does, either.  The other problem is I suffer from a slight sense of synesthesia which becomes rather overwhelming when I focus intently on taste or smell.  So my experience when comparing Dark Storm with 10 year is that the horizontal amber lines of the 10 year become thicker and further apart in the Dark storm, and charcoal arcs appear next to them.  This may be the least helpful comparison made on glibertarians.com yet.  I’ll avoid any references to geometry, color or sound in my description and hopefully someone will find this interesting.

    Yeah, I don't see any difference either. But these things always show pictures of the booze in a glass.
    Down from upper left: 57 Degrees north, Skye, control, Dark Storm, Storm, 10 Year.

    If not, I’m still going to be drinking some scotch, so… win.

    All of these will be taken neat as God intended, with the possible exception of the 57 Degrees North, which is bottled at 114 proof.  That might get a splash after the initial taste.

    Enough pittle-pattle. On with the tipple!  *Drinks control*  Yup, that’s what yer basic Highland scotch tastes like.

    Talisker 10 Year: Oh goddamn this is delicious.  Mild, gentle, not very sweet, a little spice, a little smoke, a tiny hint of iodine.  No phenols coming up into the nose, a smidge of a tingle around the sides of the tongue.  *Ponders how wonderful life is now Talisker’s in the world*

    Ok, that golden moment of satisfaction has passed.  What else is here?  Talisker Storm: A lot more iodine on the nose, but not so much in the mouth.  Sweeter.  Sharper.  More of a bite, more of the bourbon barrel taste.  This would be really good with some chocolate. *Has some chocolate.* OMG.  I don’t know why exactly my mouth is warmer, but that chocolate instantly melts, coating my tongue with sweet love but letting the whisky shine through.  Another drink makes it shinier.  Shiiiny.  Better than the 10 Year?  …maybe.  Different.  Diminishing returns kick in hard when it comes to scotch, and Talisker suffers from it particularly with their base product being so good.  Sooo goood.

    Talisker Dark Storm:  This is more closely related to the 10 Year than the Storm was.  It’s very like the distillers took the 10 Year and turned up the volume.  I prefer it to the Storm. *Has a slice of cheese.*  Sweet mamajama.  I’ve gotten enough booze in me that food is tasting delicious.  I want to refill this glass, but I have two  more to taste.

    I’ve had those three before [but never done a side-by-side with the Storm and Dark Storm to convince me which I should preferentially stock (Dark Storm)].  These next two are new to me.

    Talisker Skye:  I’m confused.  I’m not tasting very much.  Maybe it’s aftereffects from the cheese?  I’ll eat some bread.  *Eats bread.* That’s really shitty bread.  Nope, not much here.  It’s less like a Talisker and more like a really flavorful Irish whiskey.  I am disappointed.  This bottle will remain around to offer to guests, but I won’t be drinking much of it.  Orrrr, maybe I’ve drunk too much and it’s killing my taste response.  *Goes back to Q’s links.*  That still works.  Well, obviously in the future I’ll need to taste this earlier in the session to make sure.

    Talisker 57 Degrees North:  This is the most expensive bottle I’ve acquired at the duty-free.  Between the fact that it’s a third larger than standard liquor store bottles and I paid for it in CAD, it’s probably not the most expensive bottle of scotch I’ve ever bought, but it’s up there.  It fucking better be good.  Holding it up to my nose is making me a little more reassured that I haven’t overdrunk my nose at least.  I’m getting definite notes of… SweeTarts. Now I’m going to have to go back to the lab and see if I have any stearic or maleic acids lying around.  I know I’ve got citric, but that’s not what I’m smelling.  First sip.  Oh.  Wow.  Yeah.  Taste buds still work.  Also, 114 proof is a bit saliva-activating.  Lemme do the math:  114/80 = I have to increase the volume by about 40%.  No wait, first let me taste it and see what I can find when it’s neat.  Ok, trying again.  It’s pretty good.  Extremely smooth, low phenols, slightly sweet, but at this strength there is a noticeable anesthetic effect kicking in after about 2-3 seconds.  Gotta get a spoon to make the dilution work.  Also, there’s not enough left in the glass, need a refill.

    Ok, going to get the spoon revealed to me that I might be a wee bit more intoxicated that I had planned.  Also tasting the control whisky proved that yes, my taste buds aren’t working properly.  So it’s a bit of a moot point to continue.  Having said all of that, adding water to get the 57 degrees North to about 80 proof really did open it up.  There’s a lot more happening there now, and in the future I’ll try again without the preliminary drinks to get a true appreciation of it.  I’ll also retry the Skye, though I don’t think it’s going to be particularly salvageable.

    Until then…

     

     

  • In Honor of My Father: Dad’s Chicken Stoup

    My Dad died almost two years ago. He farmed while my mom taught special ed, and so he was the one who took care of us when we were sick and he did a lot of the cooking. He frequently made things like fried chicken, sourdough pancakes or eggs and fried cornmeal mush at breakfast (must use bacon fat), Swiss steak, or pan fried walleye. It’s Father’s Day and I’ve been thinking about him and wanted to share one of my favorite dishes of his.

    Dad used to make chicken soup with homemade noodles. My siblings and I always wanted Dad to make it instead of Mom because he was much messier with the flour and the broth would thicken until the dish was no longer soup, but not quite stew. We called it Dad’s Chicken Stoup.

    Start with the noodles. Put a cup of flour in a bowl and add about 1 tsp salt and stir well. Don’t put the flour away, you’re going to need it later. Make a well in the center of the flour and add an egg.

    Add Egg

    Stir with a fork until it comes together in a nice ball that cleans the sides of the bowl.

    If it is too dry, add a little water. Just a little – you can always add more. If you added too much water, add a little flour; this isn’t a precise recipe. The dough ball shouldn’t be sticky.

    I often add frozen spinach (thawed, drained and well squeezed) with the egg or dried herbs to the flour (½ to 1 tsp depending on the herb – ½ tsp for sage, 1 tsp for marjoram), but Dad never did, so I won’t today. If you do add spinach, you won’t need any water and will need to add extra flour. Set the dough aside to rest.

    Next, make the soup. This is your basic chicken soup. Chop onions, garlic, carrots and celery.

    If we had mushrooms, Dad would sometimes add them, or green beans, otherwise, just the basics. I’m doing just the basics today. Sauté the chopped vegetables in a little oil until they start to soften. Sprinkle with a salt. It will help the vegetables throw off liquid and improve the flavor of the soup.

    I usually add the onions and let it cook for a while, then add the celery, carrots and garlic.

    When the onions are nicely translucent, add chicken broth and cooked chicken meat and bring to a boil. Add about 1 tsp or so of dried thyme. Dad always used leftover roasted chicken, and so do I. I also make my own broth from vegetable trimmings and the leftover bones from roasting a chicken.

    Let the soup cook until the vegetables are done. While the soup is cooking, finish making the noodles.

    Split the dough into two balls. After it has rested, it will be sticky because the moisture from the egg and any added water gets absorbed into the flour. Put plenty of flour on the board and roll one of the dough balls in it.

    Roll out the dough very thin, using more flour as necessary to prevent the dough from sticking to the rolling pin or the board. When you are done, sprinkle the dough with more flour, then gently roll it up into a cylinder.

    This will prevent it from sticking to itself.

    Slice it into strips and then unroll the noodles.

    Put them back in the bowl and toss with yet more flour.

    Repeat with the second dough ball. I usually skip rolling the dough into a cylinder, cutting it, and unrolling the noodles. Instead, once I have it rolled thin, I cut it into strips using a pizza cutter. Today, I’m doing it Dad’s way.

    When you are happy with the doneness of the vegetables, drop the noodles into the soup a few at a time.

    The noodles cook fast (about one to two minutes) and swell as they cook.

    This is my true comfort food because it reminds me of Dad every time I make it.

    Note that if you have leftovers, the noodles will continue to soak up the liquid and the broth will continue to thicken. I like it best the next day when most of the broth has soaked into the noodles and what is left is thick and stew-like. If you want it to still be soup-like, you will need to add more broth when reheating.

  • Sense of Decency

    Back in the day it was determined that certain things brought people together. When enough people in a small group unite for common cause, one might just call them a team. Under most circumstances, teams are a good thing, but what is it they are uniting under?

    A pin-up girl.

    This is my review of Auburn Alehouse Pu240 Imperial IPA.

    In 1944 the US Army Air Corps aircrew under Regulation 35-22, were allowed to decorate their aircraft with nose art, so long as they were done so with a “sense of decency.” This was done in contrast with the US Navy/Marines, who did not allow nose art at the time. The Air Corps allowed it because such images raised morale.

    Nose art does not necessarily mean only pin-up girls. This is really a continuation of a tradition some believe date to the Greeks painting eyes on their Triemes. The German Luftwaffe was believed to be the first to paint the iconic shark mouth on Bf. 110. This lead to the Royal Air Force copying them, and finally the First American Volunteer Group—better known as the Flying Tigers. The US. Air Force to this day pays homage to these aviators with the A-10. Another example is aircrews using cartoon characters such as Donald Duck, to decorate their planes.

    That said, we just remember the pin-up girls. Aircrews in the Pacific Theater took advantage of their lower public profile and often had art that pushed the bounds of the decency rule, such as Butterfly Baby but the most famous planes in that part of the world had no girls at all.  This in contrast with planes such as Memphis Belle from the Mighty 8th AF in England were a bit more understated.  So…here you go.

    [Insert Tail Gunner Joke Here]

    Thankfully, Auburn makes an IPA that lives up to their artwork. If you are a fan of this style, or you are the type that like to drink exactly one beer over the course of hours, this one is a good call. Good body, pungent hop aroma and a healthy abv. Auburn Alehouse Pu240 Imperial IPA: 3.8/5.