Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Category: Energy

  • I Fucking Love Astrology: The Horoscope for the Week of July 15

    The way that a horoscope should be cast:

    Call up the charts.  Get the rough facts in mind.  Where is what, and at what angles.  Don’t worry so much about interpretation.  Sleep on it.  Draw initial relationship markers.  Sleep on it again.  Consume some of your favorite consciousness/awareness expander (if available) and really study the charts.  Write down your revelations.  Reformat those revelations and upload.

    That’s the way I have been actually casting them lately.

    Wake up on Monday, head to work.  Engage in shouting matches with various trades, particularly emphasizing that “pre” means “before” which means those facilities should have been in place before you spent two days disconnecting, decontaminating and packing for shipment a piece of equipment that really is quite necessary for the functioning of the fab only to find that the tool has literally nothing to connect to in its new space, and why did you confirm that you were on schedule and ready to receive the equipment when I am plainly staring at a piece of completely empty RMF where there are supposed to be drains, water, CDA, nitrogen, argon, and vacuum lines? And, btw, absolutely none of this runs on 110 so why is that outlet there when the drawing clearly calls out 208?   Rinse and repeat until after stomping into the lab you find it strangely quiet because the trades don’t work on Friday.  Realize that it’s Friday and you have no recollection of Wednesday or Thursday.  Also realize that you haven’t worked on the horoscope.

    For this week, we have a BARCO alignment of Mars (retrograde)-Terra-Sol with Mercury-Venus in opposition.  Since Mars is in Aquarius, this indicates that the World cup is going to end (creepy how accurate the stars are, isn’t it?) With the Sun being part of the alignment, this indicates that the correct team is going to win.  Mercury-Venus is an odd combination to be in opposition to a Mars retrograde alignment.  In this case, we have “false news of a massacre,” either one happening and not being reported on or a false report of one happening.  It’s hard to say which, but the particularly bad part is that the news source at fault here is going to be one that is trusted.  Since I only trust glibertarians.com for my news, I’m wondering which one of TPTB is going to treat me like a dead Browns fan.  For future reference, it’s pretty generic to interpret any Mercury-opposed construction as “the news media are lying pieces of shit” and the customer will be able to confirm your predictions.

    This week, Jupiter has finally pulled its head out of its enormous Jovian ass and gone station direct.  Since it did this while in Scorpio, it means increased chances of breaking a dry spell… unless it’s with your SO.  For that to be true, we’d need a conjunction with Venus, but she’s hanging out over in Virgo.

    Venus in Virgo.  The personification of sex and The Virgin.  Astrologically, this isn’t that big of a contradiction, since Venus represents peace more than passion, the former of which is very good for Virgo.  But again, Virgo is stability and thoughtful consideration, and joining Venus is Luna, the sign of change.  When you put these together, it adds to the instability I mentioned last week that occurs to all non-Cancers during this month.

    Mercury in Leo: expect news about royalty, drama.  You want to hear bout drama?  I get a call from a union plumber installing the lines onto my VPD.  It went like this:

    “Yeah, usually I just make a flare connection but the part that the tube goes over isn’t there.”

    “That’s because it’s not a flare connection.  It’s a compression fitting.”

    “So, I just ask my boss for compression fittings?”

    “… Who is this?  You’re a plumber, right?”

    Then he wants to know if I have a catalog number for the fittings.  Then if I would buy them for him.  Then there was drama.

    Mars retrograde in Aquarius.  Not only does it signify the end of the World Cup, but it indicates a reduction in waste.  It had fucking better.  I’m paying these assholes $79/hour base, plus the various levels of “supervisors,” etc.

    I have nothing creative to add.  All of my creativity is dedicated to torture fantasies of the people to whom I am paying vast sums of money to do crap work.  But here’s some relevant zodiac music:

     

  • Memphis Bike Lanes

     

    I don’t think bike lanes are a great idea…mostly. Don’t get me wrong: a smart, separate, and affordable way to share an interstate bridge in a town with commuting problems is one thing, but messing up the whole town with crazy little specialty lanes is a bad idea. Cruising around Memphis recently, I spent about ten miles on bike lanes and so many things came to mind:

    1) The biggest problem is that when there are bike lanes around town, folks decide that’s where bikes belong. You’re not a reasonable vehicle any more the second you peddle outside the lines: you’re off the reservation. Most car drivers have this idea that they own the road, so this is already a problem if you are a pedaler or pedestrian or any of the other annoying variants getting in the way of the great automobile. I’m not looking to be, but I now am a problem if I need to leave the bike lane.

    2) Bike lanes themselves make enemies: every guy who before was parking on the curb is mad, the commuter who has been funneled down to four lanes from six to make room for the bikes resents deeply, the shopkeeper whose clients must now mind a gap while parking and then dodge cyclists before they can even gain the sidewalk is incensed. Drivers generally hated bikes already; now they hate the lanes per se…and, by extension, they hate cyclists even more; that won’t help out in traffic land.

    3) Bike lanes subvert basic traffic law and dumb down everyone. They’re mindless, like an interstate: we pedal onto one and turn off the brain; bike lanes appear around town, and drivers don’t need to worry about cyclists anymore so they get to think less because (see 1 above and repeat after me) that’s where bikes belong. I already compete as a cyclist for the attention of those with whom I share the road, with their texting, their spilling their coffee in their laps, their screaming spawn in the back seat, their hood ornament, and all the other things they focus on instead of looking down the road a furlong or so and figuring out what they might need to prepare to do in the next five or ten seconds with the two tons of steel they’re slinging around town. Right-of-way…what is this thing you speak of, mad man? My buddy reports this typical move today: car overtakes him and then suddenly turns right off the road immediately in front of him…while he’s pedaling over 20mph…because he’s a cyclist and is just in the way…because that driver has lost touch with all the simple right and wrongs he learned when he was 15 from the nice pamphlet that the governor printed for us all, which we all had to memorize before we could get the pretty wallet cards with our pictures on them. I guess if he drives over an old lady in a cross-walk, she had it coming for being so hopelessly out of date; get with the times, grandma; walking is lame!

    4) Ye gods these damned bike lanes are dangerous…and ugly! They need not necessarily be, but they generally are. There’s all this extra paint that’s super slick in the rain. Bike lanes often come with tons of extra furniture: little stanchions that corral us off at intersections and such. But the biggest problem is maintenance: if there’s a bike lane, I belong in it, supposedly, and I shouldn’t opt out of the leaf piles, fallen limbs, broken glass, sand, gravel, wreckage (literally: headlamp lenses, grill shards, random sharp bits of injection-molded carnage), and any other flotsam that heavier traffic knocks out of the “real” lanes and into the little lane where the guys with the thin tires roll. For a few miles on one street in town, both east- and west-bound bike lanes are contiguous, both on the north side of the street: west-bound I’m pedaling against traffic; who’s going to look for me over there on the wrong side of the street when they cross my lane at an intersection…how is this stupidity improving cycling in particular or traffic in general?

    5) No one knows what the lanes mean; the signage is random, inconsistent, and at least somewhat ambiguous. How do we merge so you can turn right and I can carry on straight? Does the bike lane trump other rules? Is that cyclist a criminal or a mere jerk for wheeling out of his bike lane to avoid a stretch of missing, broken, lumpy…whatever type of failed pavement?

    We’re teaching ourselves not to think, exacerbating the tension between cars and bikes, and pitting ourselves against our neighbors with these lanes. There’s got to be a better way to design traffic to be bike-smart than what I’ve seen around Memphis.

  • I fucking Love Astrology: The Horoscope for May 28

    After last week’s choc-a-bloc and interesting sky, this week has decided that it’s revealed quite enough thank you and is being uncommunicative.  Celestial infinity, what can you do?  For example, it puts Mercury (change) in Taurus (stability).  This is obviously bullshit, and it’s a sign of how honest the Glibastrology staff is at this fine periodical.  A charlatan would try and use the alternate reading of Mercury to predict news about cattle futures, or McDonald’s announcing a sale or something.  I am not that charlatan.

    Last week we had that awesome double opposition that was keeping relationships on an even keel.  It’s completely fallen apart, though we still have a kinda-sorta-technically-an-alignment-but-a-really-crappy-one (known as a KSTAABARCO* in the astrology biz (not really)) of Mars-Venus-Saturn retrograde, so it’s offering some protection for your relationship if you tell your SO that they look particularly fat today, but not very much.

    Seriously, I'm going to start using this.
    BARCO Alignment, it’s not just for planets!

    In fact, whatever feeble protection that BARCO** alignment gives is more than offset by by the alignment with us of both Mercury and Luna, the two most instability-bringing influences there are.  Shit’s gonna change yo.

    Now having said all of that, there is one day that you might be able to get away with a little something… Memorial Day.  Ironically enough for a day dedicated to remembering, there is a Jupiter-Moon conjunction (in Scorpio!) that bodes well for concealing misbehavior.  However, the long-term risks of such misbehavior will not be mitigated; there is increased risk for contracting venereal disease this week, so wrap that rascal!

    In addition to the ongoing good fishing, this week is good for hunting.  Get out there, kill something, and eat it!  Particularly effective calibers will be 0.22, 0.44, .30-30 and .303.  There isn’t much about cartridge size, though with the Sun in Gemini, magnums are favored.

    As for star-related music, here’s the greatest band of the 20th century deciding they need to sound more like Muse and writing a song about the universe fucking itself:

    *I think I’m going to start using the acronym BARCO.  It has potential.

    **See?

  • I Fucking Love Astrology: The Horoscope for the Week of April 22

    First, let me apologize for being lazy. When I cast the horoscope, I do it on the Sunday of the week, without reference to previous weeks, which means I completely missed that there was a beautiful Mars-Venus-Mercury-Sol alignment last Monday. That would have been the perfect time for breaking up with someone, and I neglected to find it for you in time. Dommage. Take it out of my paycheck.

    Good news! MERCURY RETROGRADE is now over. We have normality, repeat: we have normality. Anything you can’t deal with is, therefore, your own problem.

    However, because the heavens really like fucking with us, we have Saturn going station retrograde. Now this doesn’t have the normal havoc-wreckage that Mercury does, and it can actually flip Saturn’s leaden influences (see the prediction in the 6th paragraph) but it can also bring out the destructive, cannibalistic aspects of the planet.

    Prominent planetary alignment: Sol-Mercury-Mars. Good news for war correspondents, bad news for military planners.

    Luna in Cancer = secrets revealed. No indication if this is beneficial or baneful. Uncovering secrets is usually a zero-sum or negative-sum game, so probably not terribly good unless you’re a PI. Or possibly a war correspondent. Hmmm. Maybe we’re going to find a secret stockpile of chemical weapons?

    Mars and Saturn retrograde in Aries = bet on fights. Probably not bumfights though. Also, your favorite cabrito place will be particularly good this week.

    Jupiter retrograde in Scorpio = misuse of genitals. Also poisonings by crappy rulers. A lot of Syria in the stars this week.

    Venus in Taurus = hung like a bull. Keep your Tinder/Grindr accounts active if you’re into that sort of thing.

    The sun is transitioning into Taurus this week, so we can look forward to a month conducive to drudgery, hard work, machismo, and hamburgers.

    On a personal note, I’ve been thinking about supplementing the astrology with some cartomancy, but to do this for such a specific application I should have a custom Tarot printed. I am having some difficulty deciding who to put on which card. Some Glibs should definitely be in the deck somewhere, but determining where in the Major Arcana to slot them in is difficult. The best solution is to add to the MA (so for example, there will be a card called “The Skier” in there for KK) but I should fill out the existing trumps first. Suggestions are appreciated.

    The following cards have good matches already. Trying to talk me out of these will probably have no good effect:

    The Fool – Yusuf
    The High Priestess – Riven
    The Empress – SP (I swear to Bob that nobody should try to dispute this)
    The Emperor – OMWC (Kind of riding SP’s coattails with this one)
    The Lovers – Sloopy and Banjos
    Strength – Warty (go ahead, I dare you)
    The Tower – SugarFree (remember, The Tower represents loss, destruction and catastrophe)
    Judgment – Swiss Servator (Disagree? I will fite u irl)
    The World – Heroic Mulatto

    These cards I have tentative matches for, but I’m not sold on them yet:

    The Magician – Me (Design your own gorramn Tarot if you want to be in it)
    The Heirophant – Pope Jimbo
    The Chariot – Doomco
    Justice – Mexican Sharpshooter
    The Hanged Man – Jesse
    Death – The Late P. Brooks
    Temperance – UnCiv
    The Star – Gilmore
    The Moon – Q Continuum

    These I really don’t have a clue on:

    The Hermit
    Wheel of Fortune
    The Devil
    The Sun

    In addition to adding cards, I’m thinking of having some of the cards reversed by default. Rufus would go well on The Sun (reversed) I think.

    And of course, this is just the first step. Next, I’ll need to pick artwork. Fortunately, I’ve already found a printer that includes consecrated hosts and infant-blood Purim matzos in the paper so that part’s been taken care of.

  • This is all Westernsloper’s Fault: the Horoscope for the week of April 15th

    By Not Adahn

    Last week I tried communicating the astral influences abstractly, allocating no alphabetic allegories to muddle the mystic meanings. I was accused of “phoning it in.” While I was initially angry at such Phillistinery, it occurs to me that perhaps not everyone is as connected to cosmic conditions as I am, otherwise you’d all be casting your charts yourselves. Perhaps music and gun reviews were too pointed of parables to perceived by the peanut gallery.

    So I should say stuff simpler. I need a knack of knowing what to whisper into the inner ear of the lacking listener. What medium could there be that speaks so succinctly, that communicates so completely, so infinitely innately immediately understandable than interpretive dance?

    This week we have an alignment of the prime light (Sol) with TWO retrograde planets (Jupiter and Mercury) all sorts of evil shit is going to happen in a desert place.

    With the moon in Aquarius, we have two powerful water/femininity confluences resulting in enhancement of tides, the color blue, and zaftig burlesque dancers.

    I’ve warned previously about the meaning of Saturn and Mars in Capricorn, but with the two planets coming into conjunction, you really should pay attention.

    Jupiter retrograde in Scorpio, I really shouldn’t have to tell you what this means.

    And, while this video really was more apropos when Venus was in conjunction, it still works as long as the Sun and Mercury retrograde are doing their thing in Aries.

    And in continuing good news for our phallophillic glibs, Venus remains in Taurus.

  • The Hodorscope for April 8, 2018

    By Not Adahn

    Hodor!  Hodor hodor hodor.  Hodor hodor hodor hodor.

    Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor.

    Hodor…

    Hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor; hodor-hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor.

    Hodor hodor hodor.

    Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor.

  • Something Something Monocle Something: The Horoscope for April 1, 2018

    Today’s planetary alignment: Sun, Mercury (retrograde), Earth, Moon. With both the full moon and Mercury retrograde, prepare for some craziness. Like really crazy, people-rising-from-the-dead crazy. Furthermore, the full moon is bringing its destabilizing effects to Libra, further disrupting the natural order of things. Expect lots of practical jokes and hoaxes.

    Everything else remains the same as last week, celestial-influencewise.

    Since even I, paragon of laziness, can’t leave a submission at sixty words, I’ve decided to cast a horoscope for Glibertarians.com, the website. Now since this is the first time I’ve done such a thing for a entity that is artificial, electronic, abstract, collective and incorporeal, the interpretations will be a bit… unrefined.

    Since the first post was by OMWC, I’m using the horizon as (would be) seen from Chicago for the reference. So there’s one strike against ol’ Glibby already.

    Some of the standard phrases for this horoscope are pretty damn funny:

    • Conservative (no, goddammit, not conservative! Libertarian! There is a fucking difference!)
    • You get bored with the status quo and are generally open to new things and ideas. An individualist and a free spirit. (Yes, but how does that square with conservative?)
    • When you feel insecure or threatened, you become overly sensitive to criticism. (*koff* *koff* Yeah, not touching that one.)
    • You tend to be very opinionated — you have strongly felt notions about things and are quite vocal about expressing and defending them. Yet you are also an original thinker — you enjoy shocking others with your offbeat, original thoughts. You appreciate and need mental and intellectual stimulation. Your judgment is usually fair and impartial — you can be a good critic because you can remain objective and unemotional about most things. For you, as well as for the rest of your peers, the issue of personal freedom is not just an abstract issue that can be discussed and then forgotten. You feel very deeply the loss or threat of loss of your ability to remain unrestricted and independent. And you will react vigorously and vociferously to defend your right of self-expression, no matter what the cost. (God DAMN but astrology is an exact science.)
    Seize your destiny, Glibs!

    Now that’s all well and good, but you have to look at the chart as a whole. Frankly there’s a lot of aggression and stubbornness in this chart (particularly sexual), and a surprising amount of prudishness. Yeah, I don’t have that figured out, either. Maybe because of Eddie’s presence in the beginning? If Glibertarians.com were a ruler, it would be a fair and just one.

    But what of… Destiny? What fate awaits our happy little home? When will it end? How will it end? Will it fade away as people get bored with it, or will it flame out in an explosion of egos and hurt feelings?

    Well the stars can answer the last one: Glibertarians.com is going out with a bang, not a whimper. Now as to when the spectacular glibocalypse will happen, the chart is empty. Like literally empty. Like there’s not a frigging thing in there about longevity. Sometimes the sky is a bitch that way. There is bad news about the life Glibby is expected to experience: the signs point to collectivism ascending, and freedoms diminishing. A very odd and discomforting alignment indicating destructive change and/or rapid loss. This is another reason why astrologers are alcoholics.

  • And the Stars, like Monocles in the Sky: The Horoscope for the week of March 25th

     

    The big astrological news this week is the infamous MERCURY RETROGRADE. So you know, chaos, gremlins, dogs and cats living together, bad made-for-TV-movies, all that sort of thing.

    However, the fortunate thing is that Ceres (in Leo) went station direct by the time you read this, so if you’ve been having difficulties with griddle-cooked breads (pancakes, crepes, tortillas, crumpets etc.), this week you should have better results.

    Jupiter (planet of rulership, happiness and good fortune) has been retrograde for a while and will remain so until July tenth or thenabouts, so expect about four more months of general political wackiness. But this week, we get a Sun-Mars-Jupiter alignment (in Scorpio-Pisces-Capricorn respectively), so expect a military fuckup on a rather grand scale. This relates to an existing war, so don’t misread this as [insert boogeyman here] starting WWIII.

    That Mercury-Venus conjunction in Ares? This week, the sun joins them, energizing everything and making this week the Best. Week. Eva… You know what, this joke has gotten really played out. This is the problem with astrology – the planets move SO GODDAMNED SLOWLY that you’ve got the same fucking thing set up week after week, and it just gets BORING. This is why professional fortune tellers are all alcoholics. You’ve got to constantly come up with new gibberish to keep the suckers clients coming in, and that imagination needs a lot of lubrication.

    Where were we? Oh, yes. Something NEW. This week we do have that. The moon is in Cancer, which–being the ruler of that house–means we get that whole exaltation thing that gives you a +1 stacking bonus to secrets, emotions, variability, and horrible, incurable, terminal diseases.

    A holdover from last week (sigh) is the conjunction of Mars and Saturn in Capricorn. Fighting for stupid reasons leads to loss. Not bad advice generally.

  • Through a Monocle Darkly: The Celestial Influences for the Week of March 19

     

    Re: last week’s prediction of a political assassination? Nailed it. I honestly should have made the poisoning prediction, what with Scorpio being involved and all, but it’s been so long since I’ve done this I was pessimistic about my prognositcatory prowess.

    So, we’ve got most of the planets lining up: The Sun, Mars, Jupiter and Venus with Mercury in opposition. This indicates that people with power get the best sexual partners, and that this condition is unlikely to change. No shit? Thanks for the insight, celestial sphere. No really, I can’t wait to see what you have to tell me next. Maybe something about the relationship between water and wetness? Fire and heat? Progs and progging? Honestly, there are times when it just isn’t worth it to drag the star charts out, much less look up.

    That’s no mo–

    The sun is (still) in Pisces, but nothing else is. So all you Pisceses out there, just keep being y’alls double-fishy selves and enjoy it while it lasts.

    We still have Jupiter retrograde in Scorpio, but with Mars moving out of Sagittarius into Capricorn, we don’t have the immediate threat happening. Instead, this is looking less like sabotage and more like Leaders being general rake-stepping fuckups. With extra belligerence, because…

    As I mentioned before, we have Mars in Capricorn. This bodes well for Battlestars, and cautions everyone else that maybe they are the ones being an asshole this week.1 Doubly so because Saturn (exalted) is also in Capricorn. Bad luck, loss, destruction… fighting is bad m’kay? Postpone any planned fights.

    Now, for the one thing that you were all interested in last week’s revelation: yes, this week both Venus and Mercury remain in Aries. But joining it is the moon. Not only does this increase all the influences of the conjuncted planets, but with the Moon’s pull on the heartstrings and emotions, you are much more likely to form a deep, spiritual bond with your wooly lover (though why you would want this, I have no idea since I’m not a dirty kiwi.2,3,4) Also everyone knows: moon means anal.

    1 This week?
    2 Or Scot
    3 Or Welshman
    4 Or a lawyer who’s initials might be A.A.W.

  • Peering through a Monocle at the Stars: Week of March 11th, 2018

    Peering through a Monocle at the Stars: Week of March 11th, 2018

    As a published authority on bullshit and the most prolific linker of astronomy/cosmology youtube videos, it seems only natural that I should cast the horoscope for the Glibertariat.

    Please note that this is not going to be a table of sun signs. That would take too much effort and bore me too much to find anything interesting to say, as the truth1 is that for most signs, absolutely nothing of interest is happening at any given time. There are only seven heavenly bodies that have regular influence and twelve signs. The fact that people have been able to get away with the tabular format for so long is a tribute to the gullibility and innumeracy of the general public. Therefore, I’ll give you insights2 into the celestial influences at large, and let you make your own freely-arrived-at decisions about how to use the information.

    Obviously, the sun is in Pisces. The interesting thing is that the moon is in Capricorn. Combining these two means that for the next week or so, glitter-related endeavors have a much higher chance of success. So go ahead and craft or enter that drag contest. Do remember that this is Capricorn we’re talking about, so visits to strip clubs will leave evidence that is more resistant to cleaning than usual.

    With Mars in Sagittarius, we have promising signs for bow-hunting. However, since we’re talking Mars and not the Sun (or the moon ascending), this looks more directly related to the Jupiter (retrograde)/Scorpio interaction which means… political assassinations. Yeesh. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you where or who, or if this is a warning or an imperative. 3,4

    The big news this week is that we have a conjunction of Mercury and Venus in Ares, which means this is the very best5 time to try sheep-fucking, or if you are already sheep-fucking, to try fucking the other sex of sheep. I am not making this up6, this is what the heavens say. 7

    1 For a certain value of “truth” which contains astrology
    2 As footnote 1, but for “insights”
    3 No, goddammit, this is not a true threat! Put the subpoena down!
    4 Other reasonable readings of this would be “the stillbirth of a Kennedy” or “Steve Bannon’s corpse exhumed by a necrophiliac.”
    5 “very best” is a relative, not absolute value statement
    6 As footnote 1, but for “making this up”
    7 If you are already a bisexual oviphile, try a different position this week. You’ll like it.