I am a huge fan of movies and so I pay attention to what is coming out in theaters and read the reviews of current films on a regular basis. As we draw 2018 to a close, many websites are putting out their Best of 2018 listicles. And boy, are most of them just filled with shit.
They manage, by dent of having 11 movies, to get a good one in: Hereditary. It’s a legitimately good horror movie. Creepy atmosphere, unsettling, sort of a throwback to the post-Rosemary’s Baby devil film boom of the 70s. Toni Collette plays the same mom she’s been playing since The Sixth Sense, but that’s OK.
And Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse might be good, but all every review seems to dwell on is BLACK SPIDER-MAN! THERE’S A BLACK-SPIDER-MAN! Yes, his name is Miles and he’s been in the comics for a number of years now, movie critics. Now go change your underwear.
AV Club is doing the slow reveal, like a burlesque show that you pray will be over soon. Rather than give us the Best of 2018, they’ve dithered and delayed with:
I doubt there will be any surprises on there best of, but I still wanna holler “JUST TAKE YOUR DAMN PANTIES OFF SO I CAN GO HOME!”
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I tried to find Salon‘s Best Movies of 2018, but it was just Fahrenheit 11/9 listed ten times and a .gif of Michael Moore pissing in a cup and then drinking it.
Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. has decided to stop making tires in Venezuela, according to multiple reports, the latest in a line of companies to pull out of the crisis-stricken South American country. As part of its severance package, employees will reportedly receive 10 tires each.
Employees showed up this week to the company’s plant in the City of Valencia and discovered a letter posted to the door that, according to Bloomberg, said “Goodyear Venezuela has been forced to cease operations.”
Damn you, State Capitalism! [shakes fist]
I dare you to find a more useless article about a non-controversy:
Meghan Markle sparked a global debate about baby bump cradling after her surprise appearance at the British Fashion Awards this week.
The Duchess of Sussex, 37, posed in a way at the style-centered event that some interpreted as hammy and others as maternal, as she presented an award to her wedding dress designer, Givenchy artistic director Clare Waight Keller.
Treacle
@CallMeTreacle
Cupping the bump? WHOB DOES THIS? #MeghanMarkle who the hell does she think she is #Madonna and child? Something VERY creepy going on in this woman’s head
“#MeghanMarkle holding on to that bump like someone’s about to snatch it,” another quipped.
“Seriously, no pregnant woman poses for photo like this. Ever. She’s such an actress. #MeghanMarkle #duchessofsussex #BritishFashionAwards #actingup,” another wrote, adding, “Especially when you’re a royalty [sic] … She should learn from Kate on how to pose regally when pregnant. Both hands discretely [sic] under the bump. Not cradling like Demi Moore. #Crasspregnancy #MeghanMarkle.”
It’s the perfect storm of stupid hot takes on Twitter combined with an article that didn’t need to be written because humans should be better than this.
Greetings and salutations, dear friends. Its been a while…
Why’d I take this shit job again?
I won’t even bother trying to do much of a sports update since so little happened yesterday (other than ManUre choking). That may take a couple days of me actually watching games to get back up to speed. I do know Liverpool also such into the knockout stages of the UCL. Let’s see what the final 16 draw brings. I need to get through another weekend of the NFL before I know what the hell is going on other than the Steelers shitting the bed. College bowl games start soon, I think. If I get a few minutes, I’ll create a bowl pick-em deal again, or someone else can, so we can measure ourselves against each other again. More details on that possibility coming soon. And that’s pretty much it for sports.
Hey, Henry IV was born on this day. So were: industrialist Werner von Siemens, theatergoer Mary Todd Lincoln, super-soldier (that’s actually a gross understatement) Sgt Alvin York, actor Van Heflin, boxer Archie Moore, comedic genius Dick Van Dyke, actor Christopher Plummer, guitarist Jeff Baxter, rocker Davy O’List, wrestler Sylvester “Junkyard Dog” Ritter, moron Ben Bernanke, snaggletooth actor Steve Buscemi, musical genius Morris Day, actor Jamie Foxx, singer Taylor Swift and sharp-dressing golfer Rickie Fowler.
This paralyzation trick also works on chickens
Its also the day on which the following events occurred: Pope Paul III opened the Council Of Trent, Dartmouth College received its charter, The Nanking Massacre took place, Jackie Robinson was traded to the Giants but chose to retire rather than make the move, “Alice’s Restaurant” was released, Billy Martin was fired by…the MINNESOOOOODA TWIIIIIINS, Yasser Arafat addressed the UN in Geneva (and then promptly went back to his hidden fortune in Paris), Al Gore finally conceded the 2000 election, Saddam Hussein was captured and Salma Hayek fingered Harvey Weinstein in a claim of sexual assault.
That’s all for that. Now…the links!
“Something stinks. Must be downwind from Calais again.”
Theresa May survived her no-confidence vote and will now seek a lifeline from EU leaders in order to save the shitty Brexit she negotiated. I still don’t see what’s wrong with unilaterally saying “these are our immigration rules for EU “citizens” and these are our trade offers…take them or leave them. Sure seems simpler than groveling with the people who you’re ending a relationship with who have no real mechanism to force you to stay.
You want a weird story? This is a weird story.. No spoilers, you gotta read it yourself.
Now powered by diesel, batteries and human waste (allegedly)!
If you’re the kind of person who thinks its cool to literally piss on the floor of your workplace, then Chicago has a public sector union job for you! Apparently you can even take a shit in a plastic bag and not get fired.
Brett has been downing bottles of vodka in an effort to keep warm while in space Michigan. We received this note: “wud u giys do teh pm links all my 19 fingers are blu.”
I’m stuck in Dearborn with a stomach bug. It has made me very popular with my clients and coworkers — who sent me back to the hotel. The internet is a wonderful thing. I can work from my hotel room nearly exactly the same as working at home. Its…lovely. Gray, cold, overcast, dreary. What’s not to love about winter in Michigan.
Here’s another reason why I don’t have internet enabled devices in my home. “Hey, Brett, could you ask your wife to model that bikini again before you change the password on your webcam?”
Its weird, but some sick part of me keeps seeing “Sid and Nancy” every time I read “Chuck and Nancy”. I’m rooting for a Donny-style shutdown. Fuck shutting down the National Parks. Shut down the Social Security direct deposit and see what happens! Go Nucular!
Trump administration wants to poison CA’s water supply! Not to worry, I’m sure state regs will fix it, right?
We all love our dogs, but when Darwin’s ghost comes knocking, let him have the dog.
Merry Monday from Detroit. I was at the Happiest (and most expensive) Place on Earth last week. Thanks for Mexican Sharpshooter and Mad Scientist for stepping up.
Make penicillan (or deadly botulism!) at home with this simple recipe. Archived for TEOTWAKI, but I’m not ingesting mold I made at home unless the alternative is death.
Now I’ll see the animal version of ST. Peter saying, “Send us, Woga!”
My new option strategy — short TSLA whenever Elon Musk has an interview.
After a night of waking up every ten minutes coughing, all I want is to go back to bed. But I have responsibilities, entertaining you lovable bastards being one of them.
I’ll cut you, bitch!
Today in birthdays we have King James I, William Lloyd Garrison, Emily Dickinson, and drummer Meg White.
