Category: Daily Links

Halep is bounced, Venus and Serena both advance, Mourinho demands respect (after getting demolished) and we are only a few days away from some serious college football. That’s the state of the sports world these days. Unless you’re concerned with overpaying a prima donna receiver who isn’t half the player Rice, Carter or Moss (fine, or Belitnekoff for the old people here)  were. But the Mara family isn’t exactly known for their shrewd roster moves lately.  Have fun watching that investment blow up in your faces, Giants fans.

A small slate of baseball games yesterday had the White Sox beating the Yankees, the Orioles beating the Blue Jays by a touchdown, the Nationals getting to .500 with a win over Philly, the Cubs topping the Mets, the Giants shutting out the D-backs, the Rockies falling to the Angels and the world champion Houston Astros getting some big action in the 8th to handle the Athletics and give themselves the slightest bit of breathing room. Full slate of games today, but nary a day game which is a shame.

Luminaries that were born on this date include: German philosopher Goethe, golden age cartoonist Jack Kirby, Canadian PM Paul Martin, drummer Daniel Seraphine, rocker Hugh Cornwell, underrated actor Luis Guzman, Chinese activist Ai Weiwei, Canadian singer Shania Twain, actor Jason Priestly, frog hockey player Pierre Turgeon, actor Jack Black, diversity hire Sheryl Sandberg, and singer LeAnn Rimes.

Its also the date on which Henry Hudson discovered Delaware Bay, the first American-built locomotive lost a race with a horse-drawn carriage, Wagner’s “Lohengrin” premiered, overrated British soldier Montgomery became the commander of the 3rd Infantry Division, Martin Luther King delivered his iconic “I have a dream” speech, the first Subway (“sandwich” shop”) opened, Israeli PM Menachem Begin announced his resignation, Mike Schmidt passed Ted Williams and Willie McCovey with 522 homers (but still wasn’t near the hitter Williams was), and Mitt Romney (then a woman-hating racist shitbag but now a statesman throwback to a better time for the GOP according to Team Blue) won the GOP presidential nomination.

OK, with the exception of a few events, this date seems to have sucked.  Oh well, on to…the links!

After cutting his teeth on the basics of grifting and self-promotion, the kid is moving on to the extortion game.  Pretty bold step. I see a political future for him.

Lanny Davis humiliates CNN for printing single-anonymously-sourced bullshit. Unsurprisingly, CNN are still maintaining that the story is legitimate.

I can’t possibly think of a better way to show your seriousness about extravagance and generally being out of touch with your parishioners. Way to go, Catholic Church. You really don’t give a shit anymore, do you?

I can’t tell if Roger Stone is serious or if he’s trying to jump on the gofundme bandwagon and set himself up with a nest egg. I don know he’s probably correct in guessing at Mueller’s strategy and motives though.

I hope more restaurants in the PNW take this serious step. Why? Because then with the supply flat and the demand lower, it’ll be cheaper for the rest of the world to enjoy one of the nautical world’s treats.

Hey Chicago, I’ve got a novel idea: let people open and concealed carry and these kind of things will be much less likely. Lol, just kidding. They’ll still happen as long as Indiana is so close. Note: this is not reportedly happening in Indiana.)

Sounds like people should have been doing a better job of knowing where their young kids were. I hope this asshole cooks if he’s guilty, but it brings a bigger point up: why do dumbass parents let their 13 year old daughter hang out alone with a grown man? Once practice or school are over, then its time to go home, sorry.  Also, he’s on leave with pay…on the Massholia taxpayer’s dime.

Man doesn’t get pony. Quits. Au revoir, grifter. Oh, by the way, the USA has cut more greenhouse gases as a percentage than any other nation…but we’re doing nothing.

I don’t know much country, so I’m gonna go with this band today even though I’m not what you’d call a fan of theirs.

Now go out there and make the most of this day, friends.

So Friday was pretty shitty, like literally, there was a lot of poop to clean up, but young master Theodore was a quick study after all. I cleaned up no poop this weekend, and all of the accidents were edge cases — a long nap, pissed himself trying to get his pants down at the toilet (which, he’ll do again drunk at some point if he has my genetic predisposition and indulges). We declared victory and sent him to school in underwear. I think it saves us $50/month at daycare if he’s able to use the bathroom. Also, its weird how different two kids from the same parents (they at least both look like me and I saw they came from the same place) can be. The older one still expects that the toilet will attack him at any given time and wants someone to watch him go. The younger one already has no fear of the toilet, just wants total privacy and wants to get this wiping the ass thing down so we’ll leave him alone. I know which one is going to be ready to move out at 16.

So on to the links.

Trump continues to do things like this: White House flag returns to full-staff. Its not like we lost a former President or something. Still waiting to see if he sends Pence to the funeral. Me and Tooch at TOS agree on this one. The sooner everyone realizes there’s nothing honorable about all this governing stuff, the better. Although I think my favorite part is how taken-aback all the news services are. “OMG! Trump isn’t sucking McCain’s dick! Doesn’t he know that’s what you do?!”

Apparently, New York’s Bravest get that way by having other firefighters rub their balls on your face on your first day. I had several friends in Houston who were firefighters, and yes, they were all giant men-children unless there was an emergency. I just can’t imagine why I’d want to put my nutsack on another guy. That’s more like homoerotic wish-fulfillment rather than hazing.

Here’s FDNY doing something a little more productive with their time, putting out a propane fire on Liberty Island.

YCombinator becomes the latest group to throw money at the “Targeted Income Subsidies” studies to try to simulate Universal Basic Income. Why anyone would try this in Oakland… I have no idea. I like the YC guys. I think they do good work helping people become tech entrepreneurs. I think this is going to be a loss for them.

Iran claims control of Persian Gulf. I hope the Saudis can still compete on oil price if they have to pay baksheesh to the Persians. And I also hope the US Navy doesn’t feel the need to do anything about this.

 

I think some people are starting new schools this week.

 

Before I give the scores from the weekend, I want to make a note here. I am not a fan of hie on-course antics and I don’t think he’s as good as Jack or Bobby Jones career-wise. But Tiger Woods understands how to answer a question about political figures. If only a lot more athletes, actors and entertainers felt this way, more people would enjoy their work without all the fucking social signaling and pandering that’s been deemed necessary by the mob.

Now on to scores: Of course ManUre plays Spurs this afternoon. Your other winners this weekend were: Arsenal (who finally have some points, lol), Leicester, Liverpool (who assumed the perch at the top of the PL table), Watford (who are level with Liverpool on points), Fulham, and Chelski (also level on points), draws for  Everton-Bournemouth, Huddersfield-Cardiff, and Wolves-Man City.  Yeah, that’s right…they drew with Wolverhampton.  Also of note, during one of the matches, the advertisement boards around the field said “VISIT RWANDA”.  Um, I don’t know who decided that was a good use of their money, but I’m not sure they should be keeping their job.

MLB winners yesterday were: Philly, Chicago (AL), Washington, who beat the Mets 15-0-ouch!, Atlanta, Tampa, Oakland, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Chicago (NL), St Louis, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York (AL), Arizona and the world champion Houston Astros. 5 weeks left in the season and there are some good races going on. Enjoy.  Also, US Open starts today. Enjoy that, tennis fans.

Today we celebrate the birth of: Chemist Carl Bosch, automaker Charles Rolls, killer Ed Gein, mass-murderer Lyndon Baines Johnson, writer Ira Levin, jazzman Sonny Shamrock, the lovely Tuesday Weld, Bond girl Barbara Bach, fan-of-the-movies Pee-wee Herman, guitarist Alex Lifeson, ageless golfer Bernhard Langer, bassist Glen Matlock, designer Tom Ford, and flamboyant dog trainer Cesar Millan.

Its also the date on which: Napoleon defeated the Austrians at Dresden, Uruguay gained her independence, Mt Krakatoa erupted and killed 40,000, the shortest war in history took place with Britain defeating Zanzibar in 38 minutes, Christy Mathewson resigns as Reds manager to take Army commission in chemical warfare, the last Shah takes the throne in Iran, “Roman Holiday” hit the silver screen, the first “Guinness Book Of World Records” hit the shelves, Rickey Henderson broke the season steals record (1982), Moldova declared independence, and Barack Obama became the first black person to ever be nominated for President by a major party.

The historical events were mostly a bunch of “meh” today. But let’s see about…the links!

Who knew having kids could be such a pain in the ass. I mean, I know a lot of people who feel this way, albeit for different reasons.

The march to lionize John McCain continues apace, after it is announced he will lie in state in both Arizona and Washington DC. There are even talks of having his wife, a beer heiress who has never run for office, assume his seat.  You know, because the voice of the people doesn’t matter a fucking bit.

Meanwhile, Trump gets it right and people are flipping the fuck out. Well, he got it half-right. But I don’t think a statement saying “he was a war-mongering sociopath and bad pilot with a God complex and an outsized sense of self-worth” would have been appropriate (albeit correct) thing to say. At least not for a couple weeks anyway…after his “McCain Death Tour 2018” ends in Arlington.

Some psychopath shot up a video game tournament in a gun-free zone in Jacksonville, Florida yesterday. He killed two people and wounded 7 others. David Hogg and the rest of the anti-gun mob were quick to blame everybody…except the shooter.

Lanny Davis, Michael Cohen’s personal attorney, has backed away from claims that he earlier made when he said Donald Trump was aware of the reasons for there Trump Tower meeting between Russian nationals (who were curiously given a visa for no apparent reason by the AG or someone in her inner circle) and Trump’s son.

Side note of hilarity: CNN are saying they stand behind the story even though Davis was the sole source for it.

Ah, Chicago. Where else is it acceptable for a mayoral candidate to publicly attempt to buy votes? I mean, I guess there are other places. But they’re usually consider tin-pot dictators-……oh, ooooooooh! I get it now.

Pope Francis has finally found a subject he doesn’t have a hot take on. Big surprise there.  I’ve seen a lot of people calling for his resignation and saying the Church needs a new pope. I’m starting to think they need a very real reformation.

As North Carolina legislators try to claw back some of their power, the governor bristles. If only our federal elected officials would have preserved some of their rights and responsibilities over the last 100 years, we wouldn’t have agencies running amok.

A three track extravaganza today! And we’re gonna move backwards… First, an ode to suburban sprawl. An underplayed second track. And the links (obviously) end with this track.

Enjoy the day, friends.

SEA SMITH DECIDE SINCE HE JEWISH COMIC, HE GO WORK BORSCHT BELT. BUT FIND OUT NOT THERE ANYMORE. OF COURSE, THE “JEWISH ALPS” NO GOOD FOR SEA SMITH…NEED BORSCHT LAKE, OR JEWISH OCEAN! SO HE TELL JOKES TO FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE INSTEAD:

WHAT PACIFIC OCEAN SAY TO ATLANTIC OCEAN?… NOTHING, JUST WAVED!

WHAT JAMES BOND MOVIE BLUE WHALE LIKE MOST?… LICENSE TO KRILL!

WHERE SEAWEED LOOK FOR JOB?… IN KELP WANTED ADS!

SEA SMITH BEST AT JOKES! IT PART OF HERITAGE. KNOW WHAT ELSE SEA SMITH GOOD AT? LINKS! HE GIVE LINKS TO FUNNY LAND HOOMANS:

• SEA SMITH FIND IRONY STORY. SAD, BUT IT GOOD EXAMPLE OF IRONY. SEA SMITH NOT OFTEN FIND IRONY IN OCEAN….IT RUST! HAHAHAHA!
• IS WORLD END SOON? SEA SMITH THINK SO WHEN HE READ “FRENCH TARGET WELFARE SPENDING”. THINK TIME TO MAKE UNDERSEA BUNKER.
• THIS MAKE SEA SMITH HAPPY. MOAR SWIMMING IS GOOD. ISIS LUCKY SEA SMITH NO REACH THEM. HE SCOLD THEM FOR NO LET SWIM. BY SCOLD, MEAN RAPE.
• THIS SO FLORIDA MAN. WAIT, THIS ONE OF FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS???

SEA SMITH SAY, COME ON IN, WATER FINE!

Mistah Kurtz, he dead. A penny for the Old Guy.

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

I was going to do the obvious Shakespeare parody, but Swiss beat me to it last night. But before we rejoice in a death, let’s look at life and what today really means. It is the birthday of transformative inventor Lee deForest, thieving fanatical Albanian dwarf Mother Teresa, and true-gift-to-humanity Albert Sabin.

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I’m not sure which was worse: the halftime tribute to McCain during the football game that never mentioned the word “Keating,” nor his disgusting personal life, nor his consistent war-mongering, nor his self-serving utter disregard for the constitution, OR the fawning encomiums from the networks and major news outlets who were branding him a racist and a Nazi when he had the temerity to run against The Lightbringer in 2008 but are suddenly his biggest fans because he hated Trump, so all is now forgiven. I won’t bother to link to a story here, you’re likely inundated with them. Oh fuck, sure I will.

American politics was badly out of balance during Mr. McCain’s final years, and while he angered some and made his share of mistakes, he accomplished as much as any politician of his time toward restoring some sense of equilibrium — and of truth, honor and integrity — to the governing of a nation that he served well and courageously in war and in peace. He became a dominant figure in the Senate through willpower, persistence and determination, because he commanded the respect due one who has sacrificed much for his country, and because, more often than most these days, he knew what he believed and stuck to it.

Truth, honor, and integrity? I couldn’t even have written this as parody. Anyone care to defend this despicable and thoroughly corrupt piece of shit who has finally shuffled off the stage?

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And while on the subject of pieces of shit, let’s look in on the lawsuit between Tavis Smiley and PBS:

Smiley also sought information related to PBS’ decision to cancel his show. He contends the sexual misconduct allegations were a smokescreen and claims the network is “racially hostile.” In denying the motion, [Judge] Epstein also denied Smiley’s request to file a 145-page memorandum in support of his motion to compel. Epstein criticized the filing as “mind-numbing” in its repetition and full of “wholly unnecessary” details, such as where Smiley got his undergraduate degree.

I have an image in my head of PBS executives in KKK hoods.

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Wasn’t this a Talking Heads song?

US cops described Mr Brosnan as “gleeful” when they found him leaning against his car watching the house burn down on Linden Avenue in Swampscott. The father-of-two branded one officer a “buzzkill” for blocking his view of the blaze, reports the Boston Herald. Additionally, a firefighter had to to stop the Irishman from lighting a cigarette and reported that he stank of petrol fumes.

I’m sure there was no alcohol involved.

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Vegans, Frenchmen with guns, what could possibly go wrong?

The French town of Calais has been no stranger to public disorder in recent years, with recurrent battles between police and migrants or striking ferry workers making headlines across the world. But now the port town is facing a bizarre new threat, according to its council: an alliance of hunters and farmers seeking to take revenge on vegans bent on turning the largely carnivorous French off meat.

I cannot have respect for anyone in France who won’t eat cheese.

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This is even better than tulip bulbs and wooden shoes.

For the first time it has been calculated what is earned in the Netherlands on synthetic drugs. According to the researchers, 18.9 billion is a conservative estimate. The amount is probably significantly higher. This amount, higher than the annual turnover of companies such as Philips and Albert Heijn, can be regarded as the contribution of Dutch synthetic drug criminals to the illegal world economy.

I note that this amount is also more than double the Dutch defense budget. Maybe their priorities are better than ours.

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There really is no other choice for today’s Old Guy music.

 

ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ GIVES THE GIFT OF THE LINK A BIT EARLIER ON SATURDAY….OUT OF FEAR. THE MIGHTY ENTITY KNOW AS “SP” HATH ORDAINED THE COMING ATTRACTIONS FOR THE CHOSEN ONES SHALL BE LATER THIS EVENING/TONIGHT. ZARDOZ MOST STRONGLY WISHES TO NOT STEP ON THOSE TOES. DELETION IS ZARDOZ’S GREATEST FEAR….

THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK….GO FORTH AND SNARK!

1. THE ORANGE BRUTAL “HINTS” AT FIRING A SUBORDINATE. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CLEANSING THEM? WEAK, HAT AND HAIRED ONE….WEAK.
2. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. THE BRUTALS HAVE EXCUSES WEAKER THAN “A NIGERIAN PRINCE SAID I HAD MONEY COMING!”. ZARDOZ MUST ADMIT “PRISON” IS A BIT OF A LETDOWN. WHY NOT CLEANSING? JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW, FOR HIS BIBLE IS PACKED WITH BLOW?
3. THE BRUTALS ARE VERY SLOW TO LOOK AT THE LIGHTWORKER. BUT ZARDOZ WISHES THAT “The resulting fine, one of the largest ever handed down by the FEC, is the result of a failure to disclose or improperly disclosing thousands of contributions to Obama for America during the then-senator’s 2008 presidential run, documents show.” WAS REPLACED WITH “EVERYONE INVOLVED WAS CLEANSED.”
4. ZARDOZ MUST ADMIT INADEQUATE COGITATION ON THIS MATTER. SHOULD NOT EVERYONE INVOLVED HAVE BEEN CLEANSED? ZARDOZ SMH….AND AT HIS SIZE, THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

SP and I are in a state of bliss- football is back! Even if we’re just stuck with seeing dogs like Philly-Cleveland or Detroit-Tampa Bay. When the regular season starts, we’ll have the full NFL package and our Sundays will be totally wasted in a most delightful manner.

The main disadvantage: we basically don’t watch actual television. We see old movies and binge-watch selected shows on Amazon and Netflix, but the idea of seeing something on NBC-CBS-CNN-whatever is repulsive to us.  And seeing games on networks reminds us of why. The commercials promoting network shows really brought home to us the mathematical reality that half the population has a sub-100 IQ. And none more so than the endless promos last night for a show called God Friended Me. We just stared at each other in disbelief. There is not enough alcohol in this world that could make something like that tolerable. Maybe with enough head trauma… This explains who wins elections.

In any case, this will be a quieter season. SP yells at referees, especially when she’s been drinking (and how can you watch NFL games and not be drinking?). Her usual targets have been Ed Hochuli and Jeff Triplette, both of whom could get her into a rage-storm and both of whom are now retired. And that just leaves Jerome Boger, and nobody could yell at him. Damn, he ought to be the ref for every game and be the only one allowed to use the microphone to announce the penalties.

Ahem, this is supposed to be a links post, I just get distracted. Today in history, John Birch was killed by the commies, which gave rise to the eponymous Red-Scare organization. It’s delightful irony that this banner now is in the hands of Team Blue. It is also the birthday of Michael Rennie (the One True Klaatu), Sean Connery (the One and Only True James Bond), noted Jew musician Gene Simmons, and antisemitic piece of shit musician Elvis Costello (who also has the distinction of calling James Brown and Ray Charles “niggers”). Oh, and the Grand Mustache, Rollie Fingers, who I don’t think is an antisemite and never called Reggie Jackson a nigger.

On to actual links.

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Not news, but an interesting link, 10 Libertarian Thoughts on the Civil War. The author makes the vital point that, without an explicit constitutional provision outlining the means of states exiting the union, a civil war was almost inevitable. But then we get into the knotty issues of, “What are the moral obligations of a society toward other societies where there is injustice?” “What are the economic drivers which might cause a subset of states to want to exit and form a different union?” “What is the moral balance between the liberty to exit a voluntary association and the motivation of continuing oppression of people within the exiting states?”

I hope you read this article and that it stimulates some discussion here. It’s a very nicely done piece.

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We in Illinois have an interesting gubernatorial choice this year between a totally ineffective billionaire who will oversee massive tax increases and a totally corrupt billionaire who will oversee massive tax increases. Surely the Libertarian Party has a better alternative, right? Meet Team L’s candidate, “Kash” Jackson.

Jackson, who was previously named Benjamin Winderweedle before a legal name change in 2017… has said he is unemployed and living exclusively on disability and pension payments from serving in the Navy 20 years. He’s said in court he takes home about $4,500 a month from those benefits.

Great.

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At that, I guess we’re still better off than Florida.

U.S. House candidate Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera has a long list of accomplishments to bolster her campaign in Florida. But she is perhaps best known for claiming that she was abducted by space aliens as a child… [L]ast weekend, the Miami Herald endorsed her for the GOP nomination in the Tuesday primary out of a field of nine candidates.

Rodriguez Aguilera says she was taken aboard a spaceship as a young girl by blond extraterrestrials who resembled the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro. She says they told her that the “center of the world’s energy is Africa” and that thousands of non-human skulls were once discovered in a cave on the Mediterranean island of Malta.

“We realize that Rodriguez Aguilera is an unusual candidate,” the editorial noted, adding that the paper was impressed with her “boots-on-the-ground ideas and experience.”

We need more politicians like Bettina.

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Apparently, the Zionazis control FIFA!

President of the Palestinian Football Association (PFA) Jibril Rajoub was fined CHF 20,000 ($20,333) and banned from matches for a year by FIFA’s Disciplinary Committee on Friday… In June, Rajoub called on Palestinian fans to burn pictures of Messi as well as replicas of his shirt should the world-famous striker choose to visit Israel. “We are going to target him personally and we call on all to burn his picture and his shirt and to abandon him,” Rajoub said at the time.

I don’t know why anyone cares. It’s soccer, not actual sports.

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Speaking of football and Florida, they sure do know how to liven up a game down there.

A shooting at a high school football game in Jacksonville, Fla., on Friday night left one person dead and two injured, officials said. The shooting happened about 10 p.m. ET, 15 minutes after the game ended at Raines High School, where about 4,000 spectators attended, the Florida Times Union reported, citing Jacksonville authorities.
The stadium for the Raines-versus-Lee High School game was placed on lockdown as security personnel worked to keep the remaining fans and players safe, Jacksonville’s WJXT-TV reported.

Now maybe it’s just me, but it seems that trapping people inside is not exactly something that’s going to make them safer.

The superintendent said everyone coming into the game had to undergo a magnetic detector wand search and that security inside the game area was tight.

Well, that was certainly effective. And cue the predictable:

“This is evidence that there is a community issue that has to be addressed, and one of those issues includes access to guns,” Paula Wright, a school board member, told the paper.

Fuck you, Paula.

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As a kid, I hated two things in the public school morning ritual: reciting the Lord’s Prayer (this was before Madalyn Murray’s court win) and the Pledge of Allegiance. So initially, this started out well.

An Atlanta charter school will not recite the Pledge of Allegiance as part of its morning meeting agenda. Atlanta Neighborhood Charter School on Grant Street announced the change Tuesday in a statement from elementary campus principal Lara Zelski.

Yay, Lara! Oh, wait, maybe not.

“Teachers and the K-5 leadership team will be working with students to create a school pledge that we can say together at morning meeting,” Zelski said. That pledge, “…will focus on students’ civic responsibility to their school family, community, country and our global society.”

Fuck you, Lara.

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Old Guy Music! And keeping with Brett’s theme and my semi-traumatic visit to Detroit this past week, the one hit wonder pride of Motor City, the Amboy Dukes! As usual, The Nuge plays it close to the chest.

STEVE SMITH GLAD SEE WEEK END. HIM FINALLY CATCH UP ON RAPE QUOTA FOR MONTH (SO FAR!). ALSO WRITE LEGAL BRIEF FOR CASCADIA INDEPENDENCE. PROBLEM – WROTE ON LEAVES, AND WIND CAME AND BLEW MOST OF ARGUMENT AWAY. GRRRR. STEVE SMITH NEED OFFICE. CAN ANY FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE HELP? STEVE SMITH VERY GOOD OFFICE MATE. HIM NO RAPE COPIER OR COFFEE MACHINE. MAYBE ELEVATOR.

 

• IT RAIN LOT IN HAWAII. MAYBE IT PUT VOLCANO OUT? STEVE SMITH THINK COUSIN SEA SMITH GO VISIT. GOOD PICKINGS IN THINGS WASH OUT SEA…
• MAYBE MONEY NOT FOR CRAZY PEOPLE IN GAZA GO TO CASCADIA INSTEAD?!?! STEVE SMITH HURRY AND TRY GET EMBASSY SET UP! $200,000,000 BUY A WHOLE CAMPGROUND FOR STEVE SMITH ATTRACT CAMPERS AND HIKERS!
• AMATEUR! STEVE SMITH SCORN GROPEY GOVERNMENT MAN.
• GOOD SEE UN ONLY YEARS LATE IN SEE OBVIOUS. STEVE SMITH READ ARTICLE…NO SEE “SOCIALISM” ANYWHERE. JUST SEE UN SAY “On Thursday, the IOM and U.N. refugee agency UNHCR called on Latin American countries to ease entry for Venezuelans, more than 1.6 million of whom have left since 2015.”

  

STEVE SMITH HAVE GO BACK WORK NOW, RE-WRITE BRIEF. THEN HIM RELAX WITH HIKERS. BY RELAX WITH, MEAN RAPE.

FREE CASCADIA!

Today young Ted “Theodore” L had all his diapers thrown away and will henceforth wear underwear. And treat them like cloth diapers. Three times I tossed him on the shitter, and what does he do, he sneaks around behind a table, and as I come around (because I suspect he’s taking a dump) yells, “Go ‘way, Daddy! There no poop hewe!” You know who says that in my experience? Someone who just shit their pants. And, in fact, this was the case. Its like he’s more comfortable walking around with his own shit weighing him down than just doing what I asked. There’s a metaphor there, but it might be crap.

Former head of the CDC arrested for sexual abuse. Remember when they were just literal dog-fuckers. Maybe someone should take out a multi-billion dollar grant to study the epidemiological patterns of sexual deviancy in federal institutions.

Horse gone, Papa Johns CEO insists on closing barn door. To strain the metaphor, I’m rooting for a cow and lantern scenario.

This is pretty much how I see LA in my head.

When you look at the map of this dangerous “kissing bug”, it seems that the Jayne Cobb school of romance appears near universal in West Virginia and New Jersey. Anyone surprised?

 

For OMWC, safely back from Detroit, I thought I’d play something from the Motor City Madman’s finest musical days.

Yay!  Its not only the end of the week, its the end of the first school week of the year.  Looks like Reason made it through without dropping any f-bombs or telling someone they shit their pants when they farted. And that, my friends, is a good thing. You know what else is a good thing? The US Open starts this coming week! I’m not making any picks because tennis is a crazy, unpredictable sport right now. But if I had my wish, I’d have Djoker win the mens and Venus win the ladies.  I’ve always liked Venus. She’s been classy her entire career while her sister became an absolute asshole. I’d love to see her win one last major.

Well we can delve into that extreme unlikelihood next week. Until then, we’ve got baseball! Philly beat Washington, Boston blanked Cleveland, Detroit dumped Chicago (AL), the Rockies beat the Padres, Los Gigantes topped New York (NL), the Braves shut out the Marlins, the Rays stung the Royals, Chicago (NL) beat Cincinnati, and the MINNESOOOOOOODA TWIIIIIIIIINS!!!!! helped the idle Astros by dropping the Athletics.

The EPL games of note this weekend (to the libs that have cared to announce their allegiance and that I can remember) are Arsenal-West Ham, Man Ure-Tottenham, Liverpool-Brighton, Bournemouth-Everton and Man  Shitty-Wolves. If I missed your team, let me know and I’ll be sure to include them. Until then, YNWA.

Let’s see who was born on this date, shall we?  Abolitionist William Wilberforce shares it with mobster Carlo Gambino, writer Howard Zinn, terrorist and grifter Yasser Arafat, midget actor and everyone’s favorite droid Kenny Baker, guitarist David Freiberg, keyboardist Ken Hensley, entertainer-extraordinaire Vince McMahon, NFL’s Mike Shanahan, singer Danny Joe Brown, rapidly-expanding fat man Mike Huckabee, actor Stephen Fry, American treasure Steve Guttenberg, Ironman Cal Ripken Jr., bassist Mark Bedford, deaf actress Marlee Matlin, basketball-playing shit-talker Reggie Miller, ginger doofus Rupert Grint and the hilarious Dave Chappelle.

Its also the day Mt Vesuvius erupted and killed 15,000 people, the Visigoths sacked Rome and ushered in the fall of the western Roman Empire, the pope declared the Magna Carta invalid (suck it, your holiness!), Charlotte Bronte finished “Jane Eyre”, Thomas Edison patented the motion picture camera, Alaska officially became a territory, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the continent, “Rock n Roll High School” hit theaters, Gorbachev left the Communist Party, Windows 95 hit the shelves, Jerry Rice (one of the best receivers of all time) retired from football, and Steve Jobs resigned as Apple CEO.

I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna grab some popcorn and watch this shitshow unravel like Roy Hobbs’s first major league hit.  How long before the shareholders are demanding his resignation or begging the government for a huge bailout?  I give it through December at the latest.

I avoid linking Breitbart, but since none of the major media outlets give a shit about this important story, I guess I’ll have to.  Hey, free association is great and all, but at what point do we start dropping the hammer on pricks like Morris Dees and his slush-fund SPLC whose influence certainly outweighs their integrity? And I mean legally through defamation lawsuits, not through government action.

“Move along. There’s nothing to see here!” – South African government replies to Trump’s tweets asking our government to look into land expropriation and murders of white farmers in South Africa.  I just hope we keep our troops out of the circus. If they want to follow the Zimbabwe model and starve to death, I just hope the innocent get out of there before it happens.

Berkeley councilman thinks he’s honey badger. But at least he had the decency to expose the corruption in police contracts being voted on by elected officials (whose campaigns the police unions fund, by the way). I’m sure he will face no backlash at all though, unless he promotes free speech in that shithole town.

More money-wasting jackassery by Chicago’s government exposed. I wonder how many of those funeral homes are owned by politically-connected people? My guess is: all of them.

Curfews are meant to keep kids safe. Its dangerous to be out after them. See what I mean?

So much for conscience and religious tolerance. If you do not bow to the rules of the state, you will not be able to do good works. What a shame.

I feel like I’m doing this every time I drop Reason off at kindergarten.

Go have a good day and a great weekend, friends!