Category: Daily Links

Hey look: the Falcons won and the Giants suck. But don’t worry Giants fans. So do the Jets. Arsenal beat Leicester 3-1 and have moved level on points with Chelsea and Spurs in 3rd through 5th place.  The LeBron Lakers are 0-3. And that’s about it.  The UCL returns today and tomorrow and the World Series from hell starts tonight. Enjoy it all.

Marcus Agrippa was born on this day.  So was football coach John Heisman, TV host Johnny Carson, pitcher and politician Jim Bunning, soccer god Pele, drummer Freddie Marsden, writer Micheal Crichton, musician Greg Ridley, musician Wurzel, filmmaker And Lee, country singer Dwight Yoakam, Weird Al Yankovic, actor Sam Raimi, short man Doug Flutie, actor Ryan Reynolds, coattail rider Meghan McCain, and actress Emilia Clarke.

Its also the day Mark Antony and Octavian routed Brutus and then he killed himself. Also, the first plastic surgery was performed, 25,000 women marched for their voting rights in NYC, the US Army fired their first shots in WW1, “Dumbo” ht the big screen, Joe Frazier won the Olympic gold medal, Jack Brabham won both the FIA drivers and constructors titles in the same season, the US national debt hot $1 billion dollars (in 1981), a suicide bomber killed 243 Americans in Beirut, Robert Bork was officially Borked, Jack Kevorkian helped two women kill themselves, Israel and Palestine reach an agreement to exchange “land for peace” (and we see how well that worked out for Israel), and for you Canadian baseball fans, today’s the day Joe Carter hit the ultimate walkoff homerun.

That’s the sports and old stuff.  And now on to…the links!

I know the trunk of your car can get to be a mess, but this guy was taking things a little too far, dontchathink?

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy’s office window was smashed in with a boulder.  And at the same time, somebody put a bomb in George Soros’s mailbox. Great job, whoever you assholes are that are doing this shit.

As the caravan of “refugees” continue their trek to America (through multiple other countries where they could seek asylum if they so wished), questions linger: how will the fact that Mexico are not stopping these people, even though our government has asked them to intervene, walking over 1000 miles through their country to get to ours going to affect trade, general relations and immigration regulations between the two countries?  My guess: not very fucking well.

Its a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for him. Too bad for captain dumbass here that he’s not famous and can’t remember entire quotes. (The comments are predictable, by the way.)

After Chance the rapper and Kanye West endorse her and dump money into her campaign, a long shot candidate in Chicago moves quickly up in the polls. But remember, a week ago Kanye was just an Uncle Tom lapdog of Trump and doesn’t have any influence at all. CNN told me so.

I swear, men create the most toxic work environments. Just look what he made this woman supervisor do to him. LOL, fortunately for both of them, the union will be sure its the taxpayers that poor the bill. The victim here will get a fat chunk of money and the perpetrator will still get a sweet retirement.  Win-win, as they say.

South Korea and North Korea reconciliation moves forward. But not everybody in the south are happy about the way in which they’re progressing. Now is the tough part, in my opinion. Selling peace to a broke-ass enemy is easy. Selling the sacrifices to a free people might not be. I wish them all the luck in the world.

Occasionally I go off and post three songs on a morning. Today os one of those days.  Here’s the first.  And here is the second song. And finally we come to the third masterpiece. Ignore the poor video production and enjoy the sound.

Now go have a great day, friends.

I actually managed to (somewhat) catch up on rest this weekend. It was great. And I only had to donate a little bit of blood to get the dryer back together. Angle brackets made for the inside of machines are still sharp. I knew this, but it still got me. There’s that second where you don’t take a deep breath and think and then you’re bleeding and you’ve got a good minute to think about how that wasn’t the smartest thing you ever did while you go look for a band-aid so you don’t bleed on the laundry room floor while you finish.

I also went to the zoo Saturday night for some Halloween themed thingy. The younger one took off running one point and was out of sight for more than a minute. Which, for a three-year old in a crowded place, was pretty traumatic — for his mother. Turns out that he couldn’t find a family of apes or humans who were better than the one he has already, so he came back. Completely oblivious to the fact that his mother was frantic. So she paid him back by taking him on the water-slide ride — telling himself the whole time “it not scawy”. Right on little man. Feel the fear and do it anyways.

Vlad Pootie-Poo promises more Russian military vapor-ware if US pulls out of missile treaty. Maybe a secret Doomsday device?

Pot-bellied pig (the 4 legged-kind) apprehended by local police. I guess professional courtesy is why they didn’t just shoot it like a dog.

Posted just so I could type “headless chicken monster”.

Who do you think got off more on this, her or him?

I don’t think “I dodge taxes just like Trump” is going to go far in 2020. This guy is going to get himself disbarred and start a referral business that will never be as big [reference to litigious Texas former lawyer removed by legal]

Sadly my wife has never been the short skirt, long jacket type, but she makes up for it in other ways.

 

Back to the grind for some of you.  It feels like its been nonstop for me.I started a new business last week with my brother and a couple other people from the equipment business. Its been hectic as things get underway and its taken me away from my assumed duties here.  I apologize for the absence and appreciate everyone who helped bail me out.  Hopefully I won’t have to lean on them all the time in the future, but only time will tell.  Anyway, my current business will continue but will eventually become an extension of the new company once my partners and I are fully underway. It’ll maintain its own identity, which makes me happy since it has my name in it and I’m a bit arrogant/nostalgic when it comes to things like that. The new company will focus exclusively on heavy equipment and such, which is really our area of expertise. And these guys expect to bring a very large book of business with them. Hopefully it will be as enjoyable and profitable as we are planning for.

Anyway, I half brought it up last week and then wasn’t really around to address. So there you go.

NFL winners yesterday were: Los Angeles (both teams!), New England, Indianapolis, Detroit Rock City, Minnesota, Carolina, Tampa Bay, Houston, Nawlins, Washington and Kansas City absolutely crushed Cincinnati.  Not a good weekend for Ohio teams at any level. (And that’s all I’ll say about that debacle on Saturday night.) Not much else really happened. ManUre and Chelsea played to a 2-2 draw as Chelsea scored at the death and Jose Mourinho went berserk as an assistant coach. Otherwise everybody that was supposed to win did. Liverpool are going to struggle with injuries, that seems apparent. And the World Series is set with the Dodgers and Red Sox advancing.

Today’s birthdays of note are: composer Franz Liszt, comedian-extraordinaire Curly Howard, baseball legend Jimmie Foxx, Vietnamese emperor Bảo Đại, actress Joan Fontaine, drug connoisseur Timothy Leary, rocker Leslie West, eccentric actor Jeff Goldblum, drummer Bobby Blotzer, bassist Darryl Jenifer, musician Shaggy, filmmaker Spike Jonze, and funny man alleged comedian Carlos Mencia.

In historical events, Sam Houston was elected first President of the Republic Of Texas, the first transcontinental telegraph line was completed, the first baseball union was formed (fat lot of good it did to get them a five-day work week), Harry Houdini got sucker-punched in the gut, Pretty Boy Floyd was killed by the FBI, Jean-Paul Sartre refused to accept the Nobel Prize, Bobby Orr scored his first NHL goal, John PAUL II was inaugurated as Pope, Reagan decertified the ATC union, and AT&T bought Time Warner.

Well there you go.  Now on to…the links!

8 year olds, dude. Seriously, what the fuck were these assholes thinking?  If you guessed “we can do whatever we want and never face serious consequences” then you win a prize!

I wonder if Mexico would be ok with what’s going on if those people decided to stop moving north today. Or if the money they are being given suddenly dried up and they decided to stick around.  Methinks their tune would change pretty quick. Until then, its a humanitarian crisis the likes of which have never been seen (credit to CNN/MSNBC for that last sentence).

What’s worse than Nazis? Well, nobody. But global warming is as bad, according to an idiot that’s about to become a congressperson. Way to go, New York. You’ve found someone dumber than Sheila Jackson Lee.

Well, if you didn’t think the Kashoggi case could get any weirder, you were wrong. Side note: candidates, officials and media members are being killed in Mexico at a rate of about one a week for the last couple of years and the Washington Post doesn’t give it any coverage. But nobody wants to note the hypocrisy.

Rahm Emanuel is determined to completely fuck up Chicago infrastructure before he leaves office. Oh yeah, and he wants to make it more expensive for commuters at the same time.

The only sad part of this story is the need for the last sentence. If you read it, you’ll know why I say that.

Ands now I present today’s song.

Have a great start to the week, friends. Enjoy the World Series from hell.

 

YES, SEA SMITH DO HAVE SWORDFISH IN POCKET….AND HAPPY TO SEE GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS. SHOW HOW HAPPY BY GIVE THEM LINKS.

• SEA SMITH KEEP LAND HOOMANS UP ON HURRICANE NEWS.
• WHY COUNTRY HAVE TO ASK SILLY BRUSSELS HOW SPEND OWN MONEY? SEA SMITH MAYBE GO ITALY VACATION, SEE IF CAN SCAVENGE SOMETHING FROM POST APOCALYPTIC WRECKAGE TO COME?
• THIS MAKE SEA SMITH LAUGH.

SEA SMITH SAY “COME ON IN, WATER FINE!”

There’s a whole bunch of birthdays today, but they are all overshadowed by one, a true giant, one of my most admired humans: the great, the only, the wonderful Dizzy Gillespie, who would be 101 if he were alive today. I was fortunate enough to have seen him play perhaps 40 or 50 times with various lineups in various cities, and met and chatted with him often. The first time I met him, I was a starstruck 15 year old, and he put me at ease immediately. He was not only the greatest jazz trumpeter ever, he was a great human being: witty, ebullient, and kind, on top of his monumental talent. I mourned him greatly when he died, which was far too soon.

Huh, I wonder who’s cutting up onions?

OK, we’re all here for the news, right? So let’s get to it.

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In Great Britain, protesters are on the march, this time demanding a “people’s vote” on Brexit, as opposed to the last vote which apparently wasn’t done by people .

Among the celebrities involved are actor Steve Coogan, chef Delia Smith and Dragons’ Den star Deborah Meaden.

It is thought that thousands of students will take part, many of whom were too young to have their say in the 2016 referendum. Hilary Gyebi-Ababio, a third year student at Bristol University, told Sky News: “I was three days shy of voting against Brexit, but I feel now that if we do get a people’s vote, I would be getting my voice back because I really feel like I lost it during the campaign, which is ridiculous.”

Good to know that their college students are as retarded as ours.

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There’s starting to be a bit of buzz about one of Team Blue’s actually interesting presidential prospects, Tulsi Gabbard. She has Occasional Cortex’s good looks but an actual brain behind it.

Gabbard won her House seat in 2012 and became the first Hindu to serve in Congress. She has distinguished herself with an anti-interventionist approach to foreign policy and the Middle East, and a progressive populist economic policy that has earned her praise from the likes of Sanders and former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon.

That really is a conundrum for me- would I be willing to vote for someone with a heinous approach to economics in order to achieve a non-interventionist foreign policy? And I truly don’t know the answer. It would be great if we could get both sensible economics and sensible foreign policy, but I’m not seeing that happen.

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Speaking of Occasional Cortex, she continues to be the gift to team red than keeps on giving. Because Global Warming is exactly like Hitler.

“When we talk about existential threats, the last time we had a really major existential threat in this country was around World War II, so we’ve been here before, and we have a blueprint of doing this before. None of these things are new ideas, but we have is an existential threat in the context of war,” Ocasio-Cortez said. “We had a direct existential threat with another nation and at this time it was Nazi Germany and Axis, who explicitly made the United States as an enemy, and what we did was that we chose to mobilize our entire continent and industrialize our entire continent, and we put hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, to work in defending our shores and defending this country.”

I don’t know why people think she’s stupid.

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I have a personal credo: everything is better with monkeys. But apparently, this sentiment is not universally shared nor universally reciprocated.

Mr Singh’s brother Krishnapal told The Times of India : “Monkeys threw more than 20 bricks at Dharampal on Thursday. “Thrown from quite a height, the bricks were enough to kill him. These rogue monkeys are the real culprits and must pay for it.”

Mr Singh’s family has lodged a formal complaint and named monkeys as the accused but police insisted they cannot prosecute monkeys and have declared Mr Singh’s death was an accident.

OK, I got nothin’.

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I’m as much of a practical joker as the next guy, but sometimes it just goes a bit far.

Surgical oncologist John Ashcraft says colon cancer is a tough subject for many to talk about and the giant inflatable colon is a great conversation starter.

It is 10 feet long, weighs 150 pounds and is valued at $4,000. It is owned by the Cancer Coalition, which hosts walking and running events under a campaign called “Get Your Rear In Gear.”

The fact that I was in the area at the time of this theft is purely coincidental.

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Now this is an interesting story: Canada seems to have run out of weed.

Police were called to help shops struggling to handle long queues and with frustrated people unable to buy cannabis.

Bill Blair, a former Toronto police chief who has led the government’s legalisation programme, told public broadcaster CBC the country was unable to supply enough to meet demand. “We expected, you know, certain strains might run out and there would be a bit of a run on supply,” he said.

My financial advice: buy stock in Tim Horton’s and any company selling poutine.

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Today’s choice for Old Guy Music is, of course, inevitable.

After spending most of this week on the road, accompanied by The Wonder Dog, we returned to a bit more chaos than we had planned. And I’m still down a Winsor McCay rabbit hole from which I have not extracted myself; I grew up appreciating the wonderfully surreal complexity of Little Nemo, but I’m now discovering much of his editorial art. The politics are generally retarded, but the art is… amazing. Worse yet, I’m way behind on two pieces from my paid writing gig, and deadlines in that business are hard ones. But my obsessions and obligations will not derail my efforts to present high quality links, my usual clumsy snark, and a small dose of cheery music.

First, though, it’s birthday time. And a rather momentous day it is, what with the birthdays of the fifth Marx Brother, Margaret Dumont (about whom legend says the jokes had to be explained to her, but never believe a legend), the brilliant and insanely underappreciated modernist composer Charles Ives, the wonderfully hammy Bela Lugosi, hookmaster Tom Petty, and Willie Brown’s protege and fuck-socket Kamala Harris.

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For reasons totally unclear to me, Saudi execution number 116,489 still seems to be a headliner. Along with massive shrieking that THIS one is the most important and the thing on which we ought to be focusing our national attention- and perhaps yet another war. Or maybe it’s not so unclear why this has become The Most Important News Story.

[Congressman Joaquin Castro (D-Bedlam)] cited unspecified reporting “that Jared Kushner may have, with U.S. intelligence, delivered a hit list, an enemies list, to the crown prince, to MBS, in Saudi Arabia and that the prince may have acted on that.” Castro continued, saying “I’ve seen reporting to that effect … That needs to be investigated.”

I like how smoothly the segue from Russia to Saudi Arabia has been managed. Of course, we need a full investigation.

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Know what I love? Good theater. Even when it’s produced by amusingly sleazy lawyers. Maybe especially when it’s produced by amusingly sleazy lawyers.

Manafort, appearing visibly grayer, was pushed into court in a wheelchair, missing his right shoe. “There are significant issues with Mr. Manafort’s health concerning confinement,” his lawyer, Kevin Downing, told the judge.

Downing requested that the court expedite Manafort’s sentencing so he could be moved to a facility better equipped to deal with his health issues.

“His physical well-being requires a continual supply of Champagne, big screen television, a private jet, and hookers,” stated the physician hired by Manafort’s attorneys. “Denial of these basics of medical care constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.”

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It wouldn’t be a Saturday without a sex robot story.

Jimmy Mehiel uploaded a sex robot to Tinder as part of an experiment for his documentary about cyborgs, “I Want My Sex Machine”. The 39-year-old, from New York, wanted to see how many people would be willing to sleep with a sex robot. He gained permission from Matt McMullen – the creator of the world’s first commercially available doll Harmony – and shared photos of the robot on the dating platform.

In an exclusive interview with Daily Star Online, Jimmy revealed a whopping 56% of people polled said they would have intercourse with a sex robot.

I talked about this story with a female friend, who was horrified. “That’s absolutely disgusting. Fucking a machine? What is WRONG with men???” She then grabbed her vibrator and left.

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Seattle continues to be a source of entertainment to the rest of the country. San Francisco might have a problem with homeless, but Seattle says, “Hold mah beer!”

“I looked up the street and there was a sea of balls rolling down the hill making an incredible noise and hitting the cars that are here,” Robert Duffy, a West Seattle resident, told KOMO News. “Got home from work and I couldn’t park on my street, ’cause there’s hundreds of thousands of steel balls on it,” Luke Gills, another neighborhood resident, also told KOMO News.

If these had been brass balls, the story would be perfect.

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As fucked up as things are here, at least we can say, “We’re not Europe. Yet.” The brilliant Besserwissers have managed to transform a freebie from Google into something that will cost European consumers significant cash.

Google’s licensing terms are changing in Europe later this month on account of a European Commission ruling that barred the company from requiring phone manufacturers to bundle Chrome and search with the rest of its suite of apps. EU countries are divided into three tiers, with the highest fees coming in the UK, Sweden, Germany, Norway, and the Netherlands. In those countries, a device with a pixel density higher than 500 ppi would have to pay a $40 fee to license Google’s suite of apps, according to pricing documents.

The European Commission ruling does not explicitly require Google to charge licensing fees, but Google is required to break apart its traditional bundle of apps. The court ruled that by bundling search and Chrome within Android, Google stifled innovation and cut off opportunities for device makers to sign better deals around preinstalled browsers and search engines.

Chrome and search are where Google’s profits come from, and without them in the bundle, it’s chosen to fund the distribution of the rest of its apps and services with this per-device fee. If phone or tablet companies want to include any of Google’s apps, they’ll have to pay, and then decide whether to make a separate browser-and-search deal with Google to make back some of the costs.

Of course, all of that is still free in the US, but that’s because we don’t have a government that cares as much about us as the EU does for its citizens.

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Well, I might mourn what the Orioles have become, but at least they’re spreading the infection.

The Brewers’ crowd booed Machado as if he were in town to introduce Prohibition. Machado responded with a dry night at the plate, meekly going 0-for-4 and stranding three.

“It was a tough loss for us today,” he said when asked about the crowd, which was the polite way of checking on the ringing in his ears. “We’ve got to come back and play better baseball tomorrow night.”

HAHAHAHAHA!

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Old Guy Music time! And to class the place up a bit, I chose a wonderful song from today’s birthday boy. This one commemorates the founder of the Salvation Army by setting Vachel Lindsay’s paean to music. It’s a fine example of Ives, with complex and dissonant lines, a difficult piece to comprehend and even more difficult to play. But worth the effort.

 

STEVE SMITH TAKE BREAK…HIM DO LOTS OF PROMINENT FOREST LAWYERING. REPRESENT RACCOON AGAINST POSSUM, IN GARBAGE THEFT CASE….ALSO DRAFT CASCADIA INDEPENDENCE BRIEF, FOR FILE IN INTERNATIONAL COURTS. THEM NO WANT BRIEF ON BIRCH BARK. NOT SURE WHY? STEVE SMITH POLITELY DISAGREE WITH CLERKS OF COURT AND LEAVE. BY POLITELY DISAGREE, MEAN RAPE.

BUT THAT NOT WHY FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE HERE. THEM WANT LINKS! SO HERE LINKS:

1. SOME SAY “BUILD WALL”, SOME SAY “LET IN”. STEVE SMITH SAY “HIM GO GREET THEM!” HEY, WHERE CARAVAN GO?! MAYBE THEM TALK AND FIGURE OUT. STEVE SMITH STILL MEMBER WELCOME WAGON.
2. THIS NO FUNNY. STEVE SMITH ANGRY AT COPS. MAYBE STEVE SMITH GO EXPLAIN THEM NO BE BAD COPS. BY EXPLAIN, MEAN DEMONSTRATE REAL RAPE.
3. WAIT… THIS NO FLORIDA MAN? HIM TEXAS MAN… LOOK LIKE TIME FLORIDA STEP UP GAME! REMINDS…STEVE SMITH ONCE TRY BE AIR MARSHAL – CREW NO WANT HIM ON PLANE. NOT KNOW WHY?
4. IT LOOK LIKE HOOMANS NO LONGER DOMINANT SPECIES IN ENGLAND. SILLY ENGLISH HOOMANS – JUST SEND WHALE GO SEE COUSIN SEA SMITH. THEM HAVE GOOD TIME. BY GOOD TIME…MEAN WHALE GET RAPED. MAYBE EATEN. DEPEND IF SEA HUNGRY.

FREE CASCADIA!

Happy Friday, everyone. I’m taking apart a dryer. Hooray. Just what I wanted to do after four grueling weeks of work. But seriously, if its a $7 thermostat, I’m going to count it a win, and if it isn’t, I’ll throw all the pieces in the drum and have the whole damn thing carted off. Congratulations to the Red Sox. Its easy to see how they won 106 games. Keep on with the circus catches against the NL, please.

Listen, if you win the lottery tonight, please send us $50.

101 year old man, still working, credits Dr. Pepper for long life. I’d rather die young, but to each his own.

Men, its your fault women get fat.

I don’t really understand this. NPCs? Non-player Characters? What?

Roundup gets another day in court.

 

This has been in my head all week, now you can have it.

GRRRRR!!!! I have stormed in and pushed aside beloved Morning Linkster, sloopy, to bring you these #$%&ing Links. I have been experiencing a bit of what beloved Afternoon Linkster, Brett, puts up with in his job. I admire him for not chainsaw murdering everyone in reach. I am about ready to break out the pike, armor and helmet and go take out a whole UAT group.  In an effort to NOT go berserk just yet, I am going to give you links instead.

Sportings – I have a rooting interest in Chicago teams (NOT the Cubs, however). Needless to say, they all lost last night. Sloopy is probably more than a wee bit distraught, after the Astros were knocked out (insufferable Bostonian hate shall be tolerated in these links). Other than that, I guess the AZ Cardinals remained a punching bag for NFL teams. The rest…feh, who cares?!

Birthdays and History – People were born and events occurred on this day.

OK, maybe I will just give you some links, then go poison everyone’s coffee…whichever.

• Somebody tell the Hat that he needs to reel in the Hair a bit. Who would have ever thought it would have been in that order?!
• RUSSIANZ!!!!!!!!  No, really. KNOCK IT OFF YOU VODKA SOAKED, BEET CHOMPING SAVAGES! Once you see what the targets were, you will be convinced. Oh, and Winter War 2, Internet Boogaloo is on!
• OK, I can let a little anger go now…because I am laughing at this moron. I can only imagine what conditions in a Thai prison must be like…
• ISLAMOPHOBES…. hey, wait a minute?!

 

*stomps out of room in a huff*

I need to pay closer attention to my boss’s flight times. Everyone else’s flight was gone by 3:00. Me, I have an 8:00 exit. Time to get airport drunk. Woohoo! Home at midnight. Its a glamorous life. As usual during travel, I have been in meetings all damn day so please excuse any repeats.

I have this 4 Billion year old fossil rock. I feel like there’s a paleontologist’s divorce behind all this. “Oh, yeah! That rock is worth more than everything else I have, and I sure don’t want to lose it to my ex.”

I see Florida Man’s cousin Tennessee Man now has gators to wrassle with along with meth, opioids, and alcohol.

I’m going with there are only assholes in this story.

Oh. And That was a home run. Clown call, bro.

No music today, sorry.