Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Category: Comic

  • Comixology Unlimited – One Guy’s Opinion

    A few months ago a few other Glibs suggested I check out Comixology Unlimited when I incorrectly complained that there was no good comic books subscription service.  Turns out, there is a pretty ok comic books subscription service. After subscribing for a few months, here are my thoughts and a list of books I enjoyed reading.

    Comixology is, by their own account:

    ComiXology, an Amazon.com, Inc. subsidiary, is a revolutionary, cloud-based digital comics service. With content from over 125 publishers as well as thousands of independent creators from around the world, comiXology provides an unrivaled library of comic books, graphic novels, manga and bandes dessinées. The company’s first-in-class innovations include the exclusive Guided View technology which provides an immersive and cinematic reading experience and a monthly subscription service. ComiXology is based in New York City, with operations in Seattle and Los Angeles.

    Comixology Unlimited is a $5.99 a month service that allows you to read an unlimited number of comic books from a limited catalog of books.  And that’s the nut. If there’s stuff in there you want to read, it’s a good price that lets you drink from the fire hose. If it is $5.99 for access to crap you don’t want, it is a waste of time and money.

    The reading experience took a while to get used to, but that’s mostly my fault.  I’m reading on a Google Pixel 2, which has a 5 inch screen. Trying to fit a full page on this isn’t going to happen.  I’ve found that you can read in landscape mode with the page set to screen width and scroll down, and that works pretty well for most pages.  But if there is a big splash screen or something interesting in the lay out, it’s a bit of a hassle.

    The Comixology app tries to solve this with something called a Guided View, where you are transitioned from panel to panel.  Again, this is ok, but fails to give you an overview of the whole page. I found that this is really important for me, so I didn’t use Guided View for a long time.  But last week I decided to see if I could get it work. Under settings, there’s an option to show the whole page on enter (or exit if you want,) and I found that gives me the experience I like.  I can see the whole page and then it feels like I”m zooming in on the panels. Between that and aggressively rotating my phone between landscape and portrait orientation, I’ve got to say that the reading experience is pretty great.

    The Guided View with my preferred settings is “better than free,” that is, I’d pay for this even if I got PDF’s of the books for free.  The ability to whip out my phone and read a few pages while waiting at the bus, standing in line at the bank, or when my kids are trying to talk to me at dinner is nice and I’m glad to have it.

    The selection is really the life taker or heart breaker of this service.  So what did I find? Lots of good, and a little bad, as long as you have a reasonable expectation.  I knew that the publishers wouldn’t want to cannibalize new sales, so I expected to only find old stuff.  By and large, that’s been true, so I’m happy with that. Some publishers, and I’m looking at you Dynamite, only like to put the first trade of a series on Unlimited to entice you to pay the per-book price to buy the rest of the series.  More on that later.

    So you’ll have to look at the Unlimited catalog for yourself to see if it has enough to get you to shell out six bucks a month.  For me, there is more than enough to keep me entertained. Marvel and DC have taken all their goodwill with me and lit it on fire   Not the SJW stuff – that’s always been a part of the big 2 publishing houses. It’s the stories. I have no interest in reading books that are going to last two years, maybe, and that are going to get jerked around to fit the latest and greatest cash grab event.  But the backlog from the big 2 and indies is large enough to keep me going for a long, long time. Here’s some good stuff on Unlimited that I’ve been reading:

    Super Dinosaur!!! This book is a wonderful, earnest story about a kid-genius and his best pal that happens to be a dinosaur.  Lots of awesome stuff happens and it’s all innocent, crazy fun from a guy that we know can write serious, brooding stories like the Walking Dead and Invincible.  But this is a book for your inner seven year old. I didn’t even write those exclamation points, they just showed up on their own.

     

     

    Atomic Robo & The Fightin’ Scientists of Tesladyne The honest to God, true life documentary story of that one time Nicola Tesla invented a nuclear powered robot in 1932 that went on all sorts of zany pulp adventures.  HP Lovecraft shows up. An insane dinosaur mad-scientist shows up. Carl Sagan shows up. There are lightning guns. There are cowboys. More fun for your seven year old self.

     

     

    Rebels The honest to God, true life documentary story about Seth Abbot and the Green Mountain Boys.  Ok, this historical fiction is actually about real people. There are no lightning guns or dinosaurs.  This isn’t a story for my seven year old self. But I love the Revolution. Its fascinating, and I think every American should buy into the myth of America.  And oh look, its written by a guy who calls himself an almost-socialist (before it was cool to do so) who also thinks that the Revolution was fascinating and that a myth that every American should buy into.

     

    Lumberjanes Yeah yeah, it’s a book by SJWs for SJWs and it passes the Bechdel Test.  I don’t care. This is a good book. A bunch of girls at summer camp solve a bunch of Scooby-Doo level supernatural mysteries.  The characters are fun, the story telling is tight, the jokes are plentiful, and the politics are on the back burner if they are in there at all.

     

     

    Hellboy Man, what can I say about Hellboy if you don’t already know about him?  Ok, here’s the premise – Hellboy is a demon born on earth due to a WWII occultist’s summoning.  He is prophesied to bring about armageddon. And.. he’s got the personality of a blue-collar dude that just want to live a normal, humble life.  But he’s stuck working for the government as a paranormal investigator. He’s a wonderful, lovable character living in a world of geek-porn. There are Nazi’s, Rasputin, his best friend is a fish-man, his lady-friend keeps setting things on fire with her brain, etc.  And the story is long, but the author has balls and is actually telling the story of the end of days that Hellboy was prophesied to bring about.

     

    Valiant Everything (the new one) I came of age reading Jim Shooter era Marvel and Chris Claremont X-Men, were writers has years to weave dangling plot strands into a complete tapestry.  I watched Terra break Beast Boy’s heart and I watched Nathan Summers fly off into the future only to come back years later as Clint Eastwood. The new Valiant is telling those same kinds of stories with slow-burning arcs and identifiable, consistent personalities.  I’m in Act Four of the reading order, and so far everything has been on Unlimited.

     

     

    Magnus, Robot Fighter (the new one, no newer than that, the Dynamite one)  Magnus is cool – he punches robots. But now he’s infused with Super Dad Powers, which, as a Dad, I approve of.  I really, really enjoyed the first trade, but it is the only one on Unlimited. They want me to pay for the other trades… well, the problem is my BATANA is to just pick up another book I really like from Unlimited so that’s not going to happen.  Too bad. Maybe I’ll blow $5 on the next trade at some point, but I don’t think I will. Too many fish in the sea.

     

     

    Usagi Yojimbo Don’t let the fact that it’s a bunny fool you, this is a great samurai epic.  Usagi is one of the great comic book characters of all time. Love. Duty. Pain. Sacrifice.  Loss. Intrigue. It has everything you could ever want in a samurai story.

     

     

     

    Incredible Hulk Epic Collection: Man Or Monster? Some of the old Marvel titles are really hit or miss.  Pro Tip – don’t go reading old Iron Man stories. But early Hulk was a lot of fun. There are a fair number of silver age collections, and I enjoyed re-reading this one.

     

     

     

    So there you have it.  Comixology Unlimited – Try it for the 1 month free trial, and you should know within a week or two if it is right for you.

  • Disney and Marvel king and queen pimp of copyright kingdom.

    This article is inspired by the many mentions on this site of Star Wars, Marvel, Disney and how their SJW leanings  may be hurting their business. I have a theory that centers on trademark and copyright law about how in the cases of Marvel many of these crazy SJW stunts are actually evidence of Disney playing the long game and in the case of other properties such as Star Wars and The Muppets show that the company is largely being propelled by a few divisions while the rest coasts or bumbles around aimlessly.

    I will start with a basic and not at all legally sound explanation of trademarks and copyrights. Trademarks are basically legal claims towards branding, brand names and mascots can be trademarked in perpetuity as long as they remain active. This can be confusing because characters can have works that exist in the public domain such as certain books or films but still be trademarked characters. This is possible because the copyright of the work which features that character can expire without the characters trademark expiring allowing that particular book or film to be reproduced for free while other uses of that character would still be protected by trademark or copyright.

    Copyright is the other half of the equation and the concept is pretty clear from the term, it is the right to copy something. Copyright protects specific works rather than brands the way  trademarks do. The original post colonial copyright in the United States was 14 years with the option to renew for another 14 years; by the early 20th century this had expanded to 28 years with an option for a renewal of another 28 years. In 1976, this was expanded to 75 years for corporate owned works or the life of the author plus 50 years, and in 1998–with a major push from Disney–it was expanded to 120 years after creation or 95 years after publication for corporate works or the life of the author plus 70 years.

    The impact copyright can have on media franchises can get very complicated. A great example of this is the Wizard of Oz franchise. Wizard of Oz started out as a media franchise in the early 20th century with books, plays and silent films but it is the 1939 film that has become the definitive version in the minds of the general public. The original wave of books, plays and silent films are all in the public domain which means free of copyright but the 1939 film is still under copyright.

    There are distinct elements to the 1939 film such as songs, plot points and design elements such as the ruby slippers that are not public domain. The shoes were originally silver but were changed to red to showcase the then still novel format of technicolor film. The books status as public domain allows anyone to create a sequel or new interpretation of Wizard of Oz but the copyright protecting the distinctive elements of the definitive version along with the lack of a young Judy Garlands has prevented any of these from becoming seen as legitimate entries of the franchise, including two attempts by Disney. The extension of copyrights benefits almost every media company but  I would argue that this is a major element of Disney’s business strategy and is used to add value to their merchandising and theme park divisions. The affect of this is most notable in the Disney Princess franchise which earns Disney millions from trademarked versions of public domain characters. It is also used recently in their live action film division through the remakes of their animated films.

    The deeper use of the ins and outs of copyright laws hasn’t really expanded to companies they have purchased, such as Pixar and Lucasfilms which is responsible for Star Wars and allegedly more Indiana Jones. The exception to that I would say is Marvel. I think the difference is because of the age of Marvel places much more of the companies value closer to entering public domain. Marvel started in the late ’30s with characters such as Captain America, Sub-Mariner and other members of The All Winners Squad with the majority of Marvels most famous characters from the ’60s or ’70s. Marvel began their version of using the ruby slipper like leverage before they were bought by Disney and it has accelerated since then. I think that a major reason Marvel even still publishes comics is to strengthen their copyrights covering more and more situations making it harder and harder to write a story using their characters without infringing on a copyright. Evidence of this is how their publishing strategy changed after the success of the X-men and Spider-man films.

    Marvel’s top property for decades was X-men to the point where often any book with an X on it would sell better than most of The Avengers solo books. Marvel began to shift the focus of their comics away from the X-men with events such as House of M removing power from many mutants and towards the Avengers adding Spider-man and Wolverine to the line up. This was done without any certainty that the sales of the comics would be maintained. Before this the Avengers were a team of former A-listers who had been surpassed in popularity by Spiderman and the X-men who previously were too valuable to be in The Avengers. This shift took place because the film rights to many of their characters were no longer owned by Marvel, because they were sold off during a bankruptcy. The Avengers film rights were the ones that didn’t sell and adding their star characters to the franchise helped move the focus to the avengers.

    Another example is the comics recent focus on The Inhumans. Marvel intended to replace the mutants with the inhumans because of their loss of the film rights. They did things like making some of the recently depowered mutants inhumans, retconning characters who were assumed-but-not-certain-mutants as mutants, and even in a few cases retconning characters who had previously been retconned to be mutants to cash in on the xmen’s popularity. The Inhumans before this were supporting characters in Fantastic Four who had never sustained an ongoing series more than a couple years. They also had major event series around this time which connected them with all the other ongoing comics. Marvel’s emphasis was no longer on selling comics but using the comics to lay down more copyright, and retrain and test what people think of the characters to prep for future movies and tv shows. They do something similar in the cartoons which feature upcoming characters such as Nova and Amadeus Cho.

    I also believe that much of their SJW recasting of their characters is Marvel woke-proofing their franchises. Peter Parker’s adventures will eventually become public domain even if eventually is a long time from now (especially if it counts as 70 years after Stan Lee’s death) but Marvel can keep the trademark of Spider-Man in perpetuity and they just have to change who the public thinks of as Spider-man. They have tried this with several characters but the only major character they have made significant progress with is Spider-man and the upcoming animated film starring Miles Morales (a half black half Hispanic alternate universe character) Into the Spiderverse will reinforce this.

     

  • Thursday Afternoon Links

    Artist’s rendition of BrettL hopped up on Bathsaltz and Florida sunshine

    Hey guys, it’s Thursday and Brett is either high on bathsaltz, covered in bacon fat and wrasslin’ gators or in some kind of very dull workplace meeting (your imagination knows best), so I’m filling in today. All links are safe for work, so feel free to you know, click through and then make salient comments about them.

    • Florida oysters viciously murder 71-year-old man. You knew it wasn’t safe to swim in Florida water with open wounds, but you apparently also shouldn’t eat the shellfish while vaguely immunocompromised. VISIT FLORIDA TODAY!
    • We all know that those dastardly Millenials are killing everything from industrial beer production to fabric softener, but what will they be responsible for killing next? Themselves, apparently: A Spike In Liver Disease Deaths Among Young Adults Fueled By Alcohol. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!
    • I’m guessing you guys are just as into the fringiest Christian eschatology of (repeatedly proven) false prophets/straw-grasper Rabbi Jonathan Cahn and opportunistic asshole John Hagee as I am, so I’ll give you a heads up that a BLOOD MOON (or for the less dramatic: lunar eclipse) is happening soon and it’ll be the longest in the last century. Look to the heavens the night of 07/27 if it’s visible in your area and the weather is good, for the four horsemen will totally be coming this time.
    • Out of respect for/fear of one of the most powerful of us, I will not label this story but will only mention that those who like things trapped in amber, or issues of a herpatological nature might find the story interesting.
    • Speaking of herps, hackers may have the latest results from your HSV1/2 test Hackers Breach Network of LabCorp, US’ Biggest Blood Testing Laboratories, so you may want to engage in some proactive radical honesty with your sex partner(s). Currently the intrusion seems like it was contained and no confidential information was accessed, but that’s always how these things start and then it’s Russians reading your emails and making fun of your use of comic sans. Just be glad those doofy Chevy HHRs aren’t autonomous…yet
    • For the nerds among us…I assume that’s most of you: CNET’s 2018 SDCC roundup. I know you’re all nerds in your unique and meaningful ways and I’m not going to enact your labor if I don’t have to.

    Huh, I’m being told that not including a music link is a grievous sin. I’ll let this raccoon DJ some background jams for you while you curate your tittaaaays and whatnot.

  • Comics ‘n’ Jazz

     

    There’s something to be said for the notion that comic books are like jazz. Both are American art forms, free form and unique, pulling inspiration from rustic roots and becoming insanely popular. The two art forms were born and bred from the underclass, dismissed as savage and crude by the educated at the time, and a protest against the stifling cultural norms of the time. They became popular around the world, but were never able to be fully replicated outside the United States…at least not in the same form. Both jazz and comics had a major societal impact. Both forms took themselves more and more seriously…and both seem to be creative dead ends, neither impacting culture or selling like they once did.

    You don’t dance like this to Kenny G.

    One might object that both are still important. After all, one can’t go to the theaters without being bombarded by men in capes. One can’t go out to eat without some light jazz playing in the background. Yet that doesn’t make the actual comics books themselves important any more, nor does it make jazz artists important. A popular comic today sells less than ten or twenty thousand copies. A new jazz album? About the same. Long gone are the days when Captain Marvel would sell two million copies each month.

    This isn’t about jazz. Much as I love Miles Davis, and my Sundays are spent blaring away Duke Ellington or John Coltrane, it’s not an area where I feel knowledgeable enough to speak. Comics, however? That was my childhood. After baseball practice, glove hanging off my handlebars, I would ride down to the local convenience store and and coins in my pocket to pick something off the spinner racks that were ubiquitous. Paper route money would buy me Moon Knight, Spider Man, Batman, or whatever four color hero caught my eye. As I got older, my tastes changed. I would buy Cerebus, Love and Rockets or some other black and white independent comic. Later, those purchases would fade away almost entirely. It was the cycle of life. A piece of childhood put away in long boxes, to be opened again by some child, decades later.

    The industry worked back then. Comics made money. If an issue sold below 200,000 copies it was in danger of cancellation. Today, selling just ten percent of those numbers would be a “success” by industry standards. If not for their value as intellectual property in movies and television, it would be a very, very obscure market.

    Space Alien attacks. Women and minorities hardest hit.

    What killed comics? It seems that there are many answers. One argument is that it’s being killed by companies pushing a political message in their comics. In a push for “diversity,” comics have taken on an almost singular voice. Popular characters are replaced by women, people of color, LGBTQKT+ (or whatever word salad is in use as of this writing), etc. Sales fall, and then the “real” versions of the characters return. If one goes on Twitter, writers and editors are hostile and chastising to those who espouse a different political opinion.

    The other side would argue that there isn’t enough diversity. Comics aren’t selling because they only appeal to a narrow demographic of unwashed white men with toxic attitudes, cloistered in unfriendly comic book shops. If you’re going to expand your audience, then that means selling to new demographics.

    Others have taken the approach of “those darn kids” and shake their fists at the non-reading youth of today. They would rather play video games than read a comic. Why read about the X-Men when you could, instead, play AS one of the X-Men in a video game?

    Of course, there’s also the idea of accessibility. You can rarely find comics on newstands or stores. Buying a comic requires a trip to a comic shop, which not every city has. Even if you do have a comic shop, it’s not always a friendly place. Children aren’t welcome to spend hours paging through the comics, like they would in front of a spinner rack.

    If I had to guess, my answer to the problem would be all of the above.

    Two examples. A decade ago, my son, then at the age when I picked up my first comic, was obsessed with the characters before he had ever read a comic. He had a Spider Man poster over his bed. He would wear his Batman costume around the house, sneaking from behind the couch to throw a foam battarang at me. We played a game called Heroclix where he knew all the obscure characters you could play. If any child would be a future comic reader, it would be him.

    A proud Dad, I took him to a comic shop…only to be met with suspicious stares, and unfriendly help. Being knowledgeable about comics, I went around to find him books he might like. I had little success. In an attempt to be more “adult” and “serious,” the books presented barriers. You needed decades of knowledge of the characters. There were no jumping on points. No issue contained it’s own story. (Batman Adventures was an exception.) We could never find three or four issues a week for him to pour over like I did. Even if we could have, the cover price alone makes it impossible. (Adjusted for inflation, I paid the equivalent of $1.65 per issue. Today the average cover price is $3.99 to $4.99) He then gravitated to manga, a form I find somewhat baffling, before giving it up entirely. He knows the characters through movies, but he’ll never take his child to buy an American comic. Two generations lost for the medium.

    Toxic Masculinity can only be defeated by Toxic Misandry.

    The next example is me introducing a new reader to comics. My writing and podcasting partner had never read a comic as a kid. She didn’t relate to the characters. She wanted to be Nancy Drew, not Batman. For our podcast, she now reads about 12 to 18 comics a month. Most feel like punishments. Incomprehensible characters. Muddled art. Ham fisted messages. Lack of discernible character motivations. Even with the women-written issues, featuring strong women characters, they aren’t anything that would have appealed to her when she was younger. The characters all lack flaws, for example. How can you have drama if the lead character is always flawless?

    So comics aren’t written for kids. They’re not written for adults. They’re not written for the existing fans. They’re not written for new fans. Who are they writing for?

    Bringing it back to jazz, who are jazz musicians playing for? Count Basie played for the people who came to dance. Ella played for people coming out for a good time at her shows, for the radio, for the listeners. Today, jazz runs away from the popular. The days of unruly kids running riot and dancing the jitterbug is as archariac as young kids sitting under a tree with comics. Today jazz is all about sophistication. Long free form performances are the rule, the tight piece you can dance to is gone. We’ve replaced Stompin’ at the Savoy with half empty bars, surrounded by people who look like Woody Allen, listening to the musical equivalent of watching someone self pleasure himself for a half hour. If you don’t like it, then you’re obviously unsophisticated. Begone, philistine, and listen to rap…and the kids do. Goodbye jazz. Like classical, you’ve become soundtrack and background noise.

    In the end, the market decides. People vote with their dollars, and you either adapt or fade away. Gone are the days where the bandleaders would reign in the jazz artists, so they could bring in the crowds. Gone are the comic editors who didn’t give a damn about what was in the comic as long as it moved off the stands. You can make all the excuses you want, but the numbers don’t lie. Can comics survive when they cost more to make than they earn?

    Doesn’t take the world’s greatest detective to figure that one out.

    Obligatory music

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  • Reviews You’ll Never Use: Texas Frightmare Weekend 2018

    Hello boils and ghouls, it’s your old pal the Cryptkeeper here…no wait, that’s not my name. Sorry, sometimes I get caught up in the moment.

    Though I gave up the regular movie review beat, I still thought I’d bang out an article like I did last year on our experiences at TFW. To celebrate, one of the below links will go to a hardcore porn site – the rest are safe. This is your NSFW warning. You’ll never know which one it is until you try. C’mon, don’t be a pussy.

    This one will be a bit different in content, since many of you would have already read my post on this from last year, and thus are already familiar with the context. For those of you who are new to the site within the past year, or didn’t read my previous write-up, in brief, TFW is the southwest’s largest horror convention, and my wife & I spend the weekend there every year.

    Like last year, I’ll have a few images in the text, but most all the photos will be at the bottom of the article. It’s mostly just pics of costumes & the stuff we bought, because almost all the celebrities this year charged extra for photos with them, and the few times I tried a creepshot, it came out terribly. The other photos are mostly terrible as well due to the fact that this is literally the only time of the year I ever take photos of anything, so please understand and forgive. The only ones I really regret it on are two cosplay photos of Tippi Hedren & Spawn, which were both good costumes but when I reviewed the pics afterward, you can barely see them due to bad backlighting. It was too crowded during the main hours to take shots, so I tried to snag a lot of them in the hotel lobby. Also as before, I had trouble formatting them into a row, so you’ll have to forgive me & simply scroll down the photos in a line at the end.

    The guest lineup this year was fabulous. They had all of the original cenobites (minus the chick from the first film, because she never does any conventions, ever – so the guest in her place was the chick from the second movie, which was still a good horror film). To round that group out, we had a *very* special treat – Mr. Clive Barker. He doesn’t do a lot of these kinds of things, so we were overjoyed. In addition to his prolific painting and film work, if you haven’t read any of his fiction, I highly recommend it. His Books of Blood is one of my favorite collected works of short stories ever. If you dig fantasy/horror short fiction, check it out, seriously.

    Also making appearances were Ron Perlman, Adrienne Barbeau, Billy Zane, Phil Fondacaro, Tommy Flanagan, Brad Dourif, Tom Savini, Matthew Lillard, all the kids from the new IT movie, Charles Band and a shit-load of people from the various Friday the 13th films. The Friday night party was themed Camp Crystal Lake, so they were heavy on those guests (as this is the 13th year of TFW). Since I’m honestly not crazy about that film series outside of the first two movies & a few creative kills, I didn’t much care about their presence. If you don’t recognize the names of anyone just listed, check the links – I promise you’ll recognize them or at least have heard of their work.

    The weekend got started off right, with Adrienne Barbeau flying in Thurs. night to attend a screening of Escape from New York at the Texas Theater, and do a Q&A afterward. The print they used was fantastic, better than my dvd, and Adrienne was an engaging speaker. She said she has done so much voicework that she has frankly forgotten most of it, and only recalls that she took some particular job once every year when some check shows up for $0.96 and has “Judge Dredd” written on the memo line (she was uncredited as the voice of the computer in that film). She tossed that out as the example, but said she just gets checks for tiny amounts every day for random old things she did. I thought this must be a strange thing, to go to your mailbox every day and be like, “Huh, I got 8 checks in the mail totaling $5.72.”

    So the next day the spousal unit & I took a half-day off of work & rolled into the convention in mid afternoon, though it doesn’t open until 6. On the plus side, in their fruit-infused water jug up front, the fruit was cut into the shape of skulls.

    Skull-melons
    “White people are fucking weird”. Also, wood.
    Stupid

    Also amusingly, the little cute Asian girls they have working there had to wear wound makeup and have silly horror accessories, like this photo of an attractive young lady with scissors sticking out of her head. I’ve often wondered what they think about that, because the racial breakdown of the con attendees is about 70% white, 25% hispanic, and the rest is miscellaneous. Like seriously, my wife is one of maybe 20 Asian people there actually attending, and I can always count the numbers of black folks on my fingers. I have no idea why that is, but it’s true. Less amusing was the eyeroll-inducing naming of the food on the menu. I mean come on, Trembling Turkey? Blood-Dripping Buffalo Wings? And what the fuck happened to the Southwest Shrimp Cocktail, didn’t warrant a new name because it’s already so awful?

    The convention started off poorly – it was so fucking crowded that Friday night, I panicked. This thing frankly outgrew the convention space last year, and this year was worse. We try to do signature hunting on Fri. night & Sun., when it’s less crowded. Well we spent an hour in line for Clive Barker, only to be told that he was leaving to do his scheduled photo shoot & wouldn’t return to the signature line that night due to feeling poorly.

    Yay

    So the first hour was a waste, but it kind of worked out. If you recall last year, we purchased a crocheted Count Orlock. Well the same vendor was there and she had a big crocheted xenomorph, but only one of them. She told us it had been a right bitch to make, and she was never going to make another one, so we pounced on it. If we hadn’t been forced to do a little browsing on Friday evening, I’m certain someone else would have bought it & then I’d have had to have killed my wife and myself, and possibly my extended family as well.

    5 of the 6 sides are now signed – four cenobites & Clive Barker

    We did get the rest of the cenobites, Adrienne, and Billy Zane that night. A few anecdotes – the cenobites, despite being English and therefore you’d think reserved, will talk your ear off, even if you’re actively trying to exit the conversation. Nicholas Vince, who played Chatterer, was dressed in nice proper business-formal attire, except for some weird Pinhead Hello Kitty cufflinks, and to his delight my wife was the first to notice them that evening. Of course it’s because she’s fucking Asian, so she saw the Hello Kitty shit immediately somehow.  Also, Barbie Wilde, the female cenobite, was selling her horror fiction books, and apparently is a very nasty-minded girl. Everything was a sexual innuendo or reference, and we all had a good laugh when, midway through our conversation, we could hear someone in another row (a worker, we believe, trying to repair something in a guest’s booth) said, “Damnit, I thought sitting in this chair would make it easier, but I think I was having more success on my knees.” Barbie, my wife and I all just looked at each other for a second before bursting out laughing. The photo you see is of the nice mahogany & etched brass puzzlebox we purchased to collect all their signatures on.

    Also true fact: Billy Zane was just a leeeetle-bit of a dick. The best line in Zoolander pertains to him; “You should listen to your friend Billy Zane – he’s a cool dude”. Well we purposefully waited until there wasn’t anyone in his line, so that we wouldn’t be holding anybody up, and I asked him, “Hey, I know this is a bit unorthodox, but could you possibly sign this, ‘You should listen to me – I’m a cool dude’?” He smiled and kind of laughingly said, “Absolutely not”, then just stared at us. We thought he was joking for a second, because he said it kind of jovially, but then he said, “So…you just want me to make this out to the two of you or what?” So we said sure, and that was that. I mean hey, celebrities don’t owe me anything, I know that. But perhaps a, “Sorry man I don’t do personalizations to that extent” could be used instead of, “Hahaha NO”. Anyway he seemed nice enough in every other way, so maybe he’s just sick of that request. He was in a tracksuit & cowboy hat, and so looked kind of like a Russian gangster.

    Phil Fondacaro’s line was short enough I was able to chat with him a bit. I asked him if it was just an outsider’s perception, or if there really were fewer opportunities for physically different actors like himself & Warwick Davis, with the advent of digital effects. He said absolutely, but it’s something of a mixed blessing because as he’s gotten older, and especially for someone who is physically limited to begin with, it’s a relief to not have to wear all the latex and costuming that he used to. A lot of the stuff that’s added in post now were the most cumbersome things to wear and act in, so the digital revolution isn’t all bad from his perspective. Of course the photo I got signed was of him as Vohnkar! And if you don’t get that reference, you’re no true child of the 80s.

    Saturday was given to drinking, shopping, and making merry. It still sucked, because I had to wake my ass up at 7:30 to get in line for Clive Barker. Keep in mind the convention didn’t open until 11. So over three hours I sat there, but was 10th in line and so assured a chance to meet the great artist. Still, it left me a bit depleted for the remainder of the day.

    We learned our lesson from previous years, and brought some beers, a bottle of bourbon (Larceny, which was very good for being as affordable as it was), and a bottle of Fireball. The hotel doesn’t care as long as you don’t get belligerently drunk – like David Arquette from a few years back. We were there and we saw bizarre things from a man still supposedly on the wagon. At least he drunkenly bought me a beer while we were both waiting at the bar. Anyway I attached a bunch of photos of all the shit we bought below, and some of the costumes we encountered.

    That evening we spent a bit of time in the karaoke party, & went to a screening of Takashi Miike‘s live action adaptation of the manga, As the Gods Will. Now granted I wasn’t exactly sober, or anything even really resembling sober, by the time I saw this thing, but I still have no fucking clue what was going on. A weird doll was playing red-light, green-light with a class of students, and when it caught them moving their heads exploded, then the survivors went to their gym & dressed as mice and a giant maneki-neko was eating them, and it just got stranger from there. We finished out the night hanging out with all our friends on the patio, and there was a dude giving away free cigars for some reason, so that went well with the last of my bourbon (yes, the bottle was killed, with the able assistance of a couple of our friends).

    Sunday was recovery day, so we went to the Ron Perlman panel. He’s a fun speaker – extremely foul-mouthed and self-deprecating. We snagged his signature and called it a weekend.  As of the time of my writing this (Monday evening), yesterday was the saddest day of our year. This is our biggest event, and we get to spend it with a lot of great friends, and get a lot of great merchandise and add to our already ludicrous collection of autographs. Monsters everywhere, blood and guts, toys, movies, games, it just doesn’t get any better for the dedicated horror fan. And now it’s a whole other year until it comes around again. Oh well, less than six months to Halloween.

    Love this shirt. I put this in just to trigger Old Man With Candy. “You all know me, know how I earn a living.” Great scene.
    This film stars a resident of Bronson, Missouri.
    Good costume tandem.
    I had no idea what the fuck this midget/child was dressed as.
    Sadly, they just don’t make movies like this anymore.
    This was sitting next to the coffee at the breakfast buffet.
    American Werewolf in London. Fucking awesome.
    A good group effort
    This is some monster from an anime I don’t watch, but he did a good job with it.
    Oddly enough we were in the market for a new shower curtain, so we picked this up.
    I purchased this shirt to use as evidence because it has an unauthorized use of my likeness.
    A Game of Thrones Super Friends print. The Wonder Twins are Jaime & Cersei. Check out how their Wonder Twin powers activate.
    A bunch of little Aliens figurines we bought
    My wife bought this shirt. I was so pleased with her, I gave her the gift of the penis that very night.
    Remember Mad Balls? I remember Mad Balls. Now they’ve come back in the general wave of nostalgia, and there are Aliens Mad Balls.
    Great Spawn costume. You can’t see it well, but the eyes do glow bright green.
    For some fucking reason, there was a ton of Halloween III merch everywhere. I have no idea why, nobody likes that movie. Or I guess it’s trendy to claim to like it.
    The maid from the first season of American Horror Story. Also, wood.
    Of course I bought this shirt.
    A pretty good female Pennywise. Also, wood.
    Sloth loves ink
    Andrew Lincoln stealthily infiltrated the convention
    Hottie Ash. Also, wood.
    I liked this shirt.
    Creepy random guy. It’d be great if he just showed up like that and didn’t know there was a horror convention going on.
    Oh you *know* I bought this movie.
    Succubus. Also, wood.
    I liked how the only part of her costume that glows is one little strip right beneath her eyes. Wood knot, however.
    Well she normally wouldn’t have bought a denim vest, but the damned thing fit like it had been tailor made for her, so fuck it, the wife picked this up.
    Mutilated Disney princesses. Wood knot, to both.
    It’s really a shame you can’t see this properly, because she really does have like four or five birds attached to this thing attacking her. Wood knot.
    This was a great heavenly Pinhead costume. The insert glowing heart really sold it. Kudos to this guy.
    The whole Game of Thrones Super Friends.
    Sadly, did not buy this movie.
    If you can tell what that creature with the one large yellow eye is at the bottom of the poster, I’ll buy you a cookie if we ever meet. *HINT* It was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid.
    It’s like the fuckers are purpose-designing posters to try and get me to leave my current job and apply with them.
    I appreciated that he did the whole costume head from the first movie. Very few Captain Spauldings go through that extra effort.
    Hard to see, but she has a super realistic werewolf baby. Wood knot.
    I have no fucking clue what this is supposed to be.
    Mexican Deadpool being eaten by a guy in a big inflatable dinosaur skeleton costume. I should have also gotten a head shot of Mexican Deadpool for you – he had a sombrero & a big mustache. Such problematic, so appropriation.
    What the fuck is this I can’t even
    Oh look, The Shining. Wood knot.
    A representative from Dark Hour Haunted House in Plano, TX.
    Loved this idea – it’s Jason as he appeared in the NES game. Clever. Sadly, I had no rocks to throw at him, to keep try and act out the game.
    I liked the work this guy did on his head piece.
    A kid dressed as something from Five Nights At Freddy’s.
    Don’t know what the character is from, butt wood.
    Some anime, I’m sure. Wood.
    I thought this to be a clever way to do something different from the dozen bloody-soaked Carries walking around.
    The less said about this, the better.
    Wood knot.
    Silent Hill. Respectively, from the left, wood, knot knot knot.
    Star Trek…spiders? WTF is this even…?
    I thought about buying this for those days I feel like identifying as female.
    Great shirt – I had to zoom a lot to get it, so if you can’t tell, it’s our two protagonists from “They Live”. If you haven’t seen that movie, you’re a disgrace of a human being.
    There were a lot of IT costumes about. This was one of like, fifty.
    Hmm – from the left: wood knot, knot, wood, knot.
    It seems strange and grimly hilarious to me that a horror convention chooses depression as it’s charity of choice.
    The family that slays together…
    And of course you can’t even go to a fucking FFA convention anymore without there being multiple Deadpools.