ROLLING, ROLLING, ROLLING…KEEP THAT GRAIN TRAIN ROLLING.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. QUICK REFRESHER FOR ALL OF YOU;
THE PENIS IS EVIL
THE GUN IS GOOD
GOT IT? GOOD. THEN ZARDOZ MAY CONTINUE. SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFULLY RAISED FROM BRUTALITY, YOU HAVE EARNED AN EXTRA LINK TONIGHT. YES, YES, ZARDOZ ACCEPTS YOUR PRAISES.
YES, YOUR APPLAUSE HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED.
RECEIVE THEN, THE GIFT OF THE LINK!
ZARDOZ IS SHOCKED. SHOCKED! TWITTER ADMITS A BIAS…BUT DENIES ACTING ON IT. ZARDOZ HAS A BRIDGE HE WOULD LIKE TO SELL YOU, SHOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT. THE BRIDGE IS IN THE BRUTAL HABITATION OF BROOKLYN.
SPANISH SPEAKING BRUTALS ILLEGALLY IMMIGRATE…BUT IT IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK. WOULD THIS DISQUALIFY THEM FROM BEING INCLUDED WITH CANNABIS SATIVA AND PENISING IN THE REAR AREA?
SPEAKING OF IMMIGRATION, THIS REPTILE MUST HAVE IMMIGRATED FROM FLORIDA.
ZARDOZ MUST ADMIT A CERTAIN…ADMIRATION FOR THE INGENUITY OF BRUTALS IN THE UK TO TRY CLEANSING WITH ANYTHING AT HAND. ZARDOZ SHOULD GIVE THEM THE GIFT OF THE GUN TO MAKE THEM MORE EFFICIENT.
GOOD DOGGIE! WELL, WOULD HAVE BEEN, HAD HE FINISHED THE JOB. NEXT TIME, POOCH, FINISH THE CLEANSING OF THE BRUTAL.
ZARDOZ SPEAK TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING RAISED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, TO SNARK AT THE BRUTALS WHO ARE LEGION…IT IS TIME AGAIN FOR ZARDOZ TO REMIND YOU OF HOW DEBASED THE BRUTALS ARE. HE WILL DO THIS THROUGH THE LINKS! GO FORTH AND READ! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
ZARDOZ WONDER HOW ONE SAYS “HILLARY CLINTON” IN BAMBARA? HOWEVER, ZARDOZ MUST SUPPORT ANY CANDIDATE THAT IS NAMED Soumaila. ZARDOZ WONDERS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ROADZ?
THAT THERE EXISTS SUCH A BRUTAL AS “BANANA GIRL” INDICTS ALL BRUTALS, EVERYWHERE. EXTERMINATORS, MOUNT UP!
TARGET “BANANA GIRL”
ZARDOZ IS QUITE SURE THIS WILL NOT BE SOLD AS SOME SORT OF “FIGHTING GALACTIC TRUMP”. NOSIREE! … ZARDOZ IS EXPERIMENTING WITH SARCASM. DID IT WORK?
ZARDOZ SEES THAT EVEN THOUGH THE BRUTALS OF AIRSTRIP ONE ARE DENIED THE GIFT OF THE GUN, THEY ARE WORKING ON THEIR CLEANSING SKILLS. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. IT HAS COME TO ZARDOZ’S ATTENTION THAT THE CHOSEN ONES HAVE FALLEN BACK INTO THEIR LINK IGNORING WAYS. SO BE IT. THEREFOR, ZARDOZ WILL INSTEAD PROVIDE ADVICE – BETTER THAN THAT OF THE BRUTAL “DEAR ABBY“… BEHOLD!
Q: My co-worker and supposed friend asked if she could borrow my wedding dress because she thought it was so beautiful. I was thrilled to lend it to her and paid for the alterations ($200 plus) as her wedding present. I accompanied her to her fittings and helped her plan her wedding for approximately 100 friends and family.
The kicker: My husband and I were not invited to the wedding, and when she returned my gown, it had lipstick on it and cake down the front. It wasn’t even in a bag — she just handed it to me. What should I think about this? — FLABBERGASTED IN FLORIDA
A: TELL ZARDOZ ABOUT IT, BRUTALFRIEND! ZARDOZ HAD THE SAME HAPPEN:
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU BRUTAL AND ETERNAL
LENT ZED AND FRIEND A WEDDING DRESS…AND HOW WAS ZARDOZ REPAID? ZED INSPIRED A REVOLT BY THE ETERNALS, DESTROYED THE TABERNACLE AND LET IN THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO WRECK THE VORTEX.
NICE WORK, ZED.
SOME FRIEND, EH? THUS, YOU SHOULD DO WHAT ZARDOZ FAILED TO DO – CLEANSE YOUR DRESS MESSING CO-WORKER AND SELL HER ORGANS TO RECOUP YOUR CLEANING BILL. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: My mother-in-law owns the building my husband and I live in. I moved in with him about a year ago, before we were married. Because she owns the building, she doesn’t charge her son rent to live there but asks that he help manage the building, which takes about three hours a month. (He has a full-time job outside of managing the building.)
When I moved in, his mom asked that I pay rent. I guess in the back of my mind I thought it would change after we got married. Do you think I’m a brat for thinking I shouldn’t have to pay rent? The amount she’s charging me is about what I would pay if we lived in another building and split the rent between us.
I don’t know how to approach this, or if I’d be stepping out of line to request living somewhere rent-free. Please help. — RENT-FREE IN CALIFORNIA
A: THIS IS THE TIME TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. YOU MUST CONFRONT THE BRUTAL MOTHER IN LAW AND SHOW HER WHO IS BOSS, AS WELL AS ESTABLISH POWER OVER YOUR BRUTAL HUSBAND.
HELP IS ON THE WAY.
ZARDOZ WILL DISPATCH BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO PICK UP YOUR MOTHER IN LAW AND SEND HER TO TOIL IN THE GRAIN FIELDS
RENT FREE WORK IN THE FIELDS
THIS SHOULD SOLVE THE LANDLORD-RENT PROBLEM. NOTE – THIS ACTION SHOULD ALSO SUFFICIENTLY COW YOUR BRUTAL HUSBAND, SO THAT YOU MAY TAKE OVER AND RULE THE REAL ESTATE NOW! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: My “friend” from childhood, “Camille,” has never had my back. I have done the heavy lifting in our friendship our whole lives.
While I was on vacation two years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. I came home immediately and drove to the hospital at 1 a.m. to be by her side. I’ve always been by Camille’s side for everything, even though she hasn’t been there for me. I told her that several times, to no avail.
I went to every chemo and doctor appointment, and was there every day to rub her feet to make her feel better. I threw her a party for 100 people to “kick cancer’s butt,” took her on a vacation — it goes on and on.
I ended the one-sided friendship last year. My problem is, I feel guilty for doing it. I feel I left her with cancer. But I also feel that because someone is sick doesn’t give them the right to be abusive or inconsiderate. Camille hasn’t tried to contact me, either. In fact, she has told others that she will never speak to me again.
I bent over backward for her, but if some other person sent a card, she would make a big deal out of it. I’m deeply hurt and don’t know how to move on. Help! — WOUNDED ON THE EAST COAST
A: ZARDOZ IS LEFT SHAKING HIS STONE HEAD AT YOU, BRUTAL. YOU ARE MORE SERVILE THAN A GRAIN SLAVE OF THE VORTEX. ZARDOZ WOULD SEND THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS FOR YOU, BUT THAT WOULD BE A WASTE OF TIME AND RESOURCES. THEREFOR, YOU MUST DO THE ONLY HONORABLE THING REMAINING. GO FIND YOUR FORMER “FRIEND” ON THE PRETENSE OF WISHING TO PATCH THINGS UP. AT THIS POINT SHE SHOULD BE IN THE HOSPITAL AT SOME TIME. GO TO HER ROOM AND SMOTHER HER WITH A PILLOW. THEN YOU MUST FIND HER MEDICATIONS AND CLEANSE YOURSELF VIA OVERDOSE. THIS WAY THE WORLD IS RID OF TWO MORE WORTHLESS BRUTALS. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING GIVEN THE GIFT OF THE 3D PRINTED GUN EARLIER THIS WEEK, ZARDOZ HAS BEEN COGITATING ON WHAT TO GIVE THE CHOSEN ONES TODAY. PERHAPS REMOVING THEIR PENISES, SINCE THEY ARE EVIL… OH, STOP WINCING, MALE CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ THOUGHT “BUT THEN WHO WOULD SPAWN THE NEXT GENERATION OF BRUTAL ENFORCERS?”
NEXT GENERATION, COMING RIGHT UP!
“YOUNG ZED, I AM HERE TO INSTRUCT YOU”
SO ZARDOZ WILL INSTEAD GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK, THAT YOU MAY CONTINUE TO BE RAISED FROM BRUTALITY. JUST YOU HOLD UP YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN – YOU MUST SNARK AT THE BRUTALS WHO ARE LEGION.
CLOSE, BUT NO CLEANSING. ZARDOZ DOES AWARD EXTRA POINTS TO THE BRUTAL WHO JUMPS UP ON THE CAR TO LEAN OVER AND KICK THE THIEF…ZARDOZ ALSO AWARDS A POINT TO THE CAPTION: “Thou shall not try to ROB ANYONE ON MY BLOCK with a GUN. Now u LEGEND…Ya other boy ran on you ya big dummy” – DISPARAGEMENT OF THE GUN PREVENTED A PERFECT 10 SCORE.
ZARDOZ OBSERVES A BMW INVOLVED IN THE CLEANSING OF 4 BRUTALS. “Police said the BMW 1 Series – which Mr Chaudhry had recently brought – was being ‘driven at speed’ before the crash.” WHY IS IT ALWAYS A BMW? ZARDOZ WOULD IMITATE WHATEVER IT IS THAT CAUSES THIS PHENOMENON.
IS THIS TOO LATE FOR THE CHOSEN ONES HERE? WAIT…”We’re seeing an average gain that’s consistent and very strong,” said senior researcher Dennis Wall, an associate professor of pediatrics and biomedical data science with Stanford University School of Medicine. “The kids are getting more social and making more eye contact, on average, and are appreciating and understanding emotion better, on average, than when they started.” APPARENTLY.
A CRICKET STAR? WHY NOT, ZARDOZ IS FORCED TO CONCLUDE. OH, AND BONUS SHOWING THE EU TO BE FLACCID AND WEAK. “A European Union election monitoring team in its initial assessment described the election campaign as an unequal playing field, describing a “systematic effort” to undermine Sharif’s former ruling party, but said it was up to the people of Pakistan to decide on the vote’s legitimacy.”
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. WE HERE AT GLIBERTARIANS ARE FULLY DEVOTED DEFENDERS OF THE RIGHT TO SAY, THINK, WRITE AND PUBLISH ANYTHING WITHOUT GOVERNMENT INTERFERENCE OR PRIOR RESTRAINT. RECENTLY, WE CELEBRATED WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS A BIG WIN FOR THE RIGHT OF FREE SPEECH IN AMERICA. THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT VOLUNTARILY SETTLED A LAWSUIT WITH DEFENSE DISTRIBUTED AND CODY WILSON, REGARDING THE PUBLICATION OF SPECIFICATIONS FOR MANUFACTURING HANDGUNS ON VARIOUS TYPES OF COMPUTER CONTROLLED MACHINERY AVAILABLE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC. TODAY, AUGUST 1ST, WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE DAY THAT ALL OF THESE FILES WERE ONCE AGAIN AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC. HOWEVER, VARIOUS STATES AND LOCALITIES HAVE HAD FEDERAL JUDGES ENJOIN THIS BY EMERGENCY ORDER. WE DO NOT SUPPORT ANY SUCH RESTRICTIONS. IT IS THE CASE TODAY THAT PEOPLE PROHIBITED FROM POSSESSING A GUN BREAK THE LAW IN ORDER TO POSSESS A GUN. THEY CAN GO TO YOUTUBE RIGHT NOW AND WATCH “HOW TO” VIDEOS OF PEOPLE BUILDING GUNS WITH A DRILL PRESS, A HAMMER, AND AN ANVIL.
IN SUPPORT OF DEFENSE DISTRIBUTED’S NOBLE WORK OF EMPOWERING CITIZENS TO BUILD AND POSSESS THE TOOLS TO FIGHT AGAINST UNJUST FORCE, OF ANY TYPE, WE PROUDLY FEATURE THIS LINK TO THE FILES. ZARDOZ BRINGS YOU THE GIFT OF THE GUN! CLICK HERE TO GET THEM FROM AN END TO END ENCRYPTED SITE.
THIS ACT IS PART OF THE REASON GLIBERTARIANS WAS CREATED, AND IS STILL HERE.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ONE NIGHT THIS WEEK, AS ZARDOZ PULLED INTO HIS DOCKING BAY/HOME, HE REALIZED SOMETHING WAS MISSING. ZARDOZ MISSES THE BEST KITTY EVER, MR. WHISKERS. ZARDOZ HAS TRIED TO FILL THE VOID WITH TWITTER, BUT TO NO AVAIL. PERHAPS ZARDOZ CAN SPEND MORE TIME RAISING THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS UP FROM BRUTALITY? MAYBE GIVING THE GIFT OF THE GUN…
ZARDOZ WILL CONSIDER ALL THESE THINGS. HOWEVER, YOU, THE CHOSEN ONES SHALL RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK, AND NOW!
NOT QUITE THE MATERIAL ZARDOZ IS SEEKING FOR THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. ZARDOZ WILL HAVE TO CROSS “IDIOT YOBOS” OFF THE LIST. THREE VICTIMS, NOT ONE KILL.
WHILE MORE PROMISING, MALI IS TOO FAR FOR ZARDOZ TO GO RECRUITING.
OH…IN CASE ANY OF THE CHOSEN ONES WERE WONDERING WHAT ZARDOZ MEANS BY “THE FILTH OF BRUTALS” PLAGUING THE EARTH – HERE IS A GOOD EXAMPLE. “Instead, we just surrender the streets and say, ‘It’s OK. You can camp here. You can shoot up here. We’ll give you a box for your needles, and we’ll come and clean up after you,’” Schafer said. “The streets smell like feces and urine, and man, it’s tough to want to stay here.”
ZARDOZ DOES NOT UNDERSTAND BRUTALS – THIS BRUTAL WAS VERY CORRUPT, CONVICTED OF HIS CRIMES TWICE…HE ALREADY LOOKS LIKE HE HAS BEEN AGED, AS THE ETERNAL “FRIEND”WAS. WHY WAS HE NOT SIMPLY CLEANSED?
ZARDOZ IS GOING TO HAVE THE TABERNACLE RUN PICTURES OF MR. WHISKERS FOR OLD TIMES SAKE.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED…THE CHOSEN ONES HAVE BROUGHT THE SNARK, AND HAVE LET THE BRUTALS HAVE IT, RIGHT IN THEIR…. WELL, ANYWAYS, ZARDOZ SHOWS HIS CHOSEN ONES HIS FAVOR BY GIVING THEM THE GIFT OF THE LINK…GO FORTH AND SNARK!
DOES THIS REQUIRE A HOT SWEDISH BRUTAL AND A CAR CRASH? NO? OK, THEN THE GOLFING BRUTAL HAS A CHANCE.
ZARDOZ LAUGHS…. A DISTINCTION WITHOUT A DIFFERENCE. AS LONG AS IT ENDS UP WITH THE BRUTALS IN MISERY, ZARDOZ APPROVES!
LAUGH AT THE BRUTALS, LAUGH! ZARDOZ IS GLAD THE TABERNACLE IS THE LATEST AND GREATEST IN COMPUTING.
IF MANY BRUTALS ARE NOT SWEPT OUT TO SEA, ESPECIALLY MAYOR DEBLASIO, ZARDOZ WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. FINALLY, ZARDOZ IS IN MAINTENANCE PHASE. AFTER SO MANY GRAIN DELIVERIES, ZARDOZ REQUIRES CALIBRATION OF HIS GRAVITRONIC DRIVE. THIS ALLOWS ZARDOZ TO GIVE HIS CHOSEN ONES THE GIFT OF THE LINK. ZARDOZ REMINDS YOU THAT HE RAISED THE CHOSEN ONES FROM BRUTALITY, TO SNARK AT THE BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH.
SOMEONE HAS USED THE GIFT OF THE GUN…HOWEVER, NOT EFFECTIVELY. REMEMBER, CHOSEN ONES, THE GUN IS SUPPOSED TO SPIT DEATH.
APPARENTLY THE GIFT OF THE BOMB IS BEING USED INEFFECTIVELYAS WELL. BRUTALS, PLEASE.
ZARDOZ BELIEVES THE BRUTAL PHRASE IS….AND THE WORLD YAWNED. CAN A BRUTAL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING MORE EFFECTIVE?
ZARDOZ IS SICK OF GRAIN AT THIS POINT. THERE IS A CHANGE IN THE BRUTALS’ TASKS. THE BRUTALS WILL NOW BE PUT TO WORK BRINGING POTATOES. ZARDOZ HAS A HANKERING FOR FRENCH FRIES.
TO SHOW THE BRUTALS THAT ARTHUR ZARDOZ MEANS BUSINESS, ZED HAS HAND-CARRIED LINKS TO WORDPRESS.
THE GIFT OF THE GUN HAS UNFORTUNATE CONSEQUENCES. EVERYONE LIVED. NEXT TIME, MANY SHOULD DIE.
MORE BAD NEWS. EVERYONE LIVED. ZED IS PARTICULARLY AMUSED BY THE DELICATE PHRASE “SMOKING MATERIALS.”
EVEN MORE BAD NEWS. EVERYONE LIVED. WHAT GOOD IS THE GIFT OF THE GUN IF COPS WON’T EVEN USE IT TO CLEANSE?
ZARDOZ WILL PROVIDE THE IMPROVED ADVICE HIS CHOSEN ONES HAVE COME TO EXPECT. THE BRUTAL DEAR ABBY PROVIDES RIDICULOUS, OVERSIMPLIFIED SOLUTIONS PERPETUATING THE SCOURGE OF BRUTALITY…
DEAR ABBY: My husband has become very overweight, which has caused his sex drive — as well as his health — to suffer. I worry about him constantly, and I miss the intimacy we used to have. He is aware of how I feel and started trying to eat healthier. He also tries to exercise at least a little bit every day.
The problem is he constantly falls off the wagon. Sometimes he says he’s too tired to exercise, or he reverts back to his old habits and ends up eating fast food. He always tries again the next day, but he won’t make much progress at the rate he’s going.
I don’t want to nag him to death, but I do want him around for a long time. What can I say that will make him take this more seriously? — ALL ABOUT HEALTH IN ALABAMA
DEAR ALL ABOUT HEALTH: I FAIL TO SEE THE PROBLEM. THE WAY ZARDOZ SEES IT, THE PENIS IS EVIL, THE PENIS SHOOTS SEEDS THAT CREATE NEW LIFE. YOUR BRUTAL HUSBAND’S PREFERENCE FOR OVER PROCESSED, GMO LADEN FOOD IS EXPECTED – AS IT IS THE PLAN ZARDOZ PUT IN MOTION TO CLEANSE THE FILTH OF BRUTALS FROM THE EARTH, AS IT ONCE WAS.
YUMMY FAST FOOD LEADS TO AN INABILITY FOR BRUTAL HUSBANDS TO UTILIZE THE PENIS FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE AND ALLOWS BRUTAL HUSBAND TO IGNORE BRUTAL WIFE’S PROPOSITIONS. IT ALSO EASES THE BURDEN ON BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS, AS IT IS EASIER TO CLEANSE THE EARTH OF BRUTALS, WHEN THEIR CARDIO IS SO POOR THEY CANNOT RUN FROM THEIR CLEANSING.
“That last bunch was easy…they could hardly waddle away from us!”
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both active duty military. We have been married for three years and have an 18-month-old daughter together. My husband is sweet, handsome and a great father. We got married very quickly, and I think that’s where our problems began.
He isn’t good at communication or showing affection, which leaves me feeling lonely. This, on top of being separated several times due to the military, makes for a very shaky marriage. I have cheated on him with eight different people since our wedding. The affair I am most ashamed of was when I was pregnant with our daughter.
I’m currently in counseling, but I’m still unable to curb my cravings. He always forgives me and allows us to continue being married. The problem is, I don’t know if he’s really the one for me. I know cheating is wrong and that I’m not only hurting him, but my daughter as well.
Should we divorce? Or should we continue trying to be together? We have talked about marriage counseling, but we are separated so much it makes it hard to get into a good groove. — IS HE THE ONE FOR ME?
DEAR IS HE: LAST I CHECKED YOU KNEW SEPARATION WAS PART OF YOUR MARRIAGE WHEN THE BRUTAL RECRUITER CONVINCED YOU TO SIGN AN ENLISTMENT CONTRACT. ZARDOZ CANNOT DECIDE WHICH OF YOU HE HATES MORE: YOU FOR REPEATED ATTEMPTS AT THE CREATION OF NEW LIFE AS THE BARRACKS BICYCLE, OR YOUR MISERABLE BRUTAL HUSBAND FOR HIS FAILURE TO CLEANSE THE EARTH OF YOUR PRESENCE. ZARDOZ CANNOT EVEN…
YOU WILL BOTH REPORT AT 0430 WHERE YOU WILL SPEND THE REMAINING DAYS COLLECTING GRAIN FOR THE VORTEX.
