Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Author: ZARDOZ

  • ZARDOZ VS. DEAR ABBY

     

    ONCE AGAIN, ZARDOZ IS BACK TO RAISE HIS CHOSEN ONES FROM BRUTALITY, AND BRING PROPER ADVICE TO THE PATHETIC BRUTALS SEEKING ADVICE FROM THE WRETCHED BRUTAL THEREPIST:  DEAR ABBY

    DEAR ABBY: I’m a millennial, and it seems these days people stay at jobs for only a few years before moving on. That has been my experience in the past, but now I’m in a position that’s fulfilling and where I am creatively satisfied.

    All my friends are always looking for their next gig, but for once, I don’t feel that way. They keep sending me job postings they think I would be interested in, which would be right up my alley if I was looking, but I’m not.

    How should I respond? Does it say I’m lacking motivation or goals if I don’t have the desire to leave the company where I am currently working? In this day and age, is it OK to stay longer at a company, or does that actually hurt your resume? Does it show a lack of drive? — SEEKING GUIDANCE

    ZARDOZ TAKE $100 FOR “THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED, ALEX”.

    ZARDOZ HAS IT ON HIGH AUTHORITY THAT MILLENIALS ARE AMONG THE FILTHIEST OF BRUTALS AND ARE INCAPABLE OF MAINTAINING ANY MEANINGFUL EMPLOYMENT.  BRUTAL SEEKING GUIDANCE THEREFORE IS A TROLL, A FALSE FLAG, AND THUS IS BEST SUITED TO TOILING THE GRAIN FIELDS FOR THE VORTEX.

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN

     

     

    DEAR ABBY: I’ve had it up to here with my crabby next-door neighbor. She grows vegetables in her garden — squash and pumpkins at this time of year. Our properties are separated by a wire fence.

    A few days before Halloween last year, a friend brought her two grandsons, who are 4 and 6, for a visit. They were excited to find a pumpkin in my yard that weighed about 10 pounds and managed to get it into my house because they wanted to make a jack-o’-lantern. No sooner did I reach for the phone to tell my neighbor what they had done than she came banging at my door accusing the boys of theft! To make peace, I handed the pumpkin to her with my apologies.

    This morning I noticed two pumpkins have tendrils that have crept through the fence and are now growing on my property. More than one person has told me, “They’re on your property, so they belong to you.” Another has said that if my tree grows over her property, she has the right to trim the branches. Ergo: I get to keep the pumpkins. I think a fair solution is to keep one pumpkin and give her the other. But “Crabby Cathy” might have other ideas. Before this gets ugly again, what do you say? — PUMPKIN PILFERER IN PETALUMA, CALIF.

    BRUTAL OBSESSION WITH PUMPKINS IS AGGRIVATING.  IT IS PUMPKIN SPICE EVERYTHING THESE DAYS AND ZARDOZ NO LONGER  ACCEPTS BRUTAL FIXATION ON PUMPKINS.  THE ONLY THING ZARDOZ HATE MORE THAT PUMPKIN ARE THE DISGUSTING BRUTALS THAT PERPETUATE BRUTAL INFATUATION WITH THE FLAVOURLESS GOURD.  ZARDOZ ONLY ADVICE, IS TO SEEK BRUTAL NEIGHBOUR AND CLEANSE ALL WHO INTEND TO SPREAD THE SCURGE OF PUMPKIN MANIA.  PUMKIN SEED SHALL NO LONGER PLAUGUE THE EARTH IF ZARDOZ HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN

  • ZARDOZ VS DEAR ABBY – THE RECKONING

     

     

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING RECOVERED HIS… EQUILIBRIUM, ZARDOZ WILL ONCE AGAIN DEMONSTRATE HIS SUPERIOR ADVICE OVER THAT OF THE BRUTAL “DEAR ABBY“. SPEAK OF SHOOTING BRUTALS IN A BARREL…

    Q: I am a very open person, but one thing I am not open about is the STD I have been living with for the last few years. My ex didn’t know he had it, and he gave it to me. Now free of him, I’m ready to date again, but I’m afraid of the judgment I may receive from potential partners.

    I have heard all kinds of stigmatizing, dehumanizing and cruel comments about STDs, and I wonder to myself if people were better educated about this, maybe they wouldn’t sound so ignorant. Unfortunately, I don’t have the emotional strength to deal with rejection right now. So what I’m trying to ask is, how do I go about dating with an STI/STD? — MOVING FORWARD IN MICHIGAN

    A: FOOLISH BRUTAL, WHAT ELSE WOULD IT TAKE TO CONVINCE YOU THE PENIS IS EVIL?! MUST YOU PERISH FROM TERTIARY SYPHILIS? REFRAIN FROM ACTIVITIES THAT MIGHT RESULT IN NEW LIFE! IF YOU MUST ENGAGE IN PENIC ACTIVITY, REFRAIN FROM INFORMING THE OTHER BRUTAL…IT WILL AMUSE ZARDOZ TO SEE THEIR REACTION WHEN THEY DISCOVER THEY ARE INFECTED WITH A LOATHSOME DISEASE.

    FLACCID EVIL. ERECT EVIL.

     

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    Q: Our father died nine months after his diagnosis with cancer. Within six months of his funeral, our stepmother of 20-plus years had begun a new relationship. She sold her and Dad’s home and belongings and moved across the country, leaving behind her children, stepchildren and grandchildren.

    Although she promised to keep in touch with everyone, she hasn’t. She has made no effort to reach out to her stepfamily over the last year and a half, not even her grandchildren. We are perplexed, as she claimed our father was the love of her life and she dearly loved her grandchildren.

    A few of us tried contacting her during the first six months after she left, but she usually responded only to texts, and then with one-word answers. We realize she has moved on, but how could she cut all ties with those she supposedly cared for? What are we missing? What is it that we don’t understand about being 60-something and widowed?

    We feel abandoned and betrayed. We supported her in her decisions and her remarriage (which is the last time we had any contact with her). Please advise, Abby. — BAFFLED OUT WEST

    A: ZARDOZ IS SHSH (SHAKING HIS STONE HEAD). DO YOU NEED BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO HELP GUIDE YOUR ACTIONS? BOO HOO HOO. IF THE ACTIONS OF YOUR “STEPMOTHER” DISPLEASE YOU, YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES – CLEANSE HER, AND HER NEW PENIC PARTNER, OR FORGET THEY EVER EXISTED. HOPEFULLY THEY ARE TOO ANCIENT TO CREATE NEW LIFE. SHOULD YOU WISH ZARDOZ TO HEDGE HIS BETS, PROVIDE A LOCATION TO THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS.

    “STEP-PARENT PATROL”

     

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • ZARDOZ’S SUNDAY EVENING LINKS – THE ZED MUTINY

    THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS AND ETERNALS ARE IN MUTINY!

    MUTINY!

    THE TABERNACLE IS PUTTING THEM ON TRIAL! HERE IS OUR JUDGE NOW!

    “THE HONORABLE ARTHUR FRAYN PRESIDING”

    FINALLY, ZARDOZ MAY REVEAL THE DEPTH OF THE PLOTTING AGAINST HIM! AHH, BUT THE PARSNIPS THAT’S…THAT’S WHERE ZARDOZ HAD THEM. THEY LAUGHED AT ZARDOZ AND MADE JOKES BUT ZARDOZ PROVED BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT AND WITH…GEOMETRIC LOGIC…THAT A DUPLICATE KEY TO THE PARSNIP BIN DID EXIST, AND ZARDOZ WOULD HAVE PRODUCED THAT KEY IF THEY HADN’T PULLED ZARDOZ OUT OF ACTION. ZARDOZ, ZARDOZ KNOWS NOW THEY WERE ONLY TRYING TO PROTECT SOME FELLOW BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS…

    “I…SEE. TABERNACLE, INITIATE REBOOT OF ZARDOZ’S CORE COMPUTER!”

    NO! ZARDOZ…ZARDOZ…DAISY, DAISY, GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER TRUE…I’M HALF CRAZY… *BLOOP*

    MISTAKES WERE MADE

    Oh dear, please forgive us….it appears someone uploaded The Caine Mutiny into Zardoz’s memory banks. We will go and clean that out, so that you may have the normal, Zardozian experience that you have come to expect. Yes…I suppose that means the Tabernacle will have to provide you links this evening. Very well, here they are for you;

    • So, Glibertarians…could you contact the cryptid known as “SEA SMITH” and see if he could handle this problem? At least he will not need a bigger boat.
    • The Tabernacle has calculated that this will not work. Expect things to get much worse. Soon.
    • Ah, this would explain why Zardoz had been learning Russian. His request for a fur hat and a barrel of vodka now becomes clear as well.
    • This story would have been more amusing, had she poisoned her cake, don’t you think? Say, that was rather Zardoz of us, wasn’t it?

  • ZARDOZ SATURDAY EVENING DISCOVERING A PLOT LINKS

    UNTUCKED BANDOLEERS!

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. SOME MISGUIDED BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS IN THE CHOSEN ONES STILL THINK THEY CAN PULL A FAST ONE ON ZARDOZ. WELL, THEY’RE VERY MUCH MISTAKEN. SINCE THEY HAVE TAKEN THIS COURSE, THE INNOCENT WILL BE PUNISHED WITH THE GUILTY! THERE WILL BE NO LIBERTY FOR ANY MEMBER OF THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS FOR THREE MONTHS. ZARDOZ WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL OF! DO YOU HEAR ME!

    PARSNIPS ARE MISSING FROM THE RATION LOCKERS OF THE VORTEX. THE CULPRIT WILL BE FOUND!

    PARSNIPS, NOT BREAD!

    LINKS ARE HEREBY GIVEN ON A LIMITED BASIS:

    1. SOON… SOON ZARDOZ MAY GET THE CIVIL WAR HE IS HOPING FOR (HINT: NOT IN THE USA, CHOSEN ONES!)
    2. SHOULD THIS PROVE OUT, ZARDOZ WILL BE OPEN TO MAKING SUGARFREE A CAPTAIN OF THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS!
    3. ZARDOZ HAZ A DISAPPOINT. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE END OF WINTERS IN AIRSTRIP ONE? MAYBE SOME BRUTALS WILL FREEZE. YES, FIND THE GOOD IN THIS!

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

     

  • ZARDOZ’S FRIDAY AFTERNOON AND SOMETHING IS GOING ON LINKS

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ HAS LATELY SUFFERED SOME INDIGNITIES THAT WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO STAND! FIRST, SOMEONE IN THE VORTEX AFFIXED A SIGN ON THE BACK OF ZARDOZ….IT READ “CLEANSE ME, I AM A BRUTAL!” INTOLERABLE! THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS WERE SEEN LAUGHING.

    NOT THE ETERNALS TOO!

     

    NEXT, A PARSNIP WAS TAKEN FROM THE DINING AREA WAS USED TO PLUG AN EXHAUST PORT ON ZARDOZ. THIS WAS NOT FUNNY. ZARDOZ IS BEGINNING TO SUSPECT SOME OF THE CHOSEN ONES ARE… LESS THAN LOYAL.

    THE TABERNACLE HAS DETECTED SOMETHING!

     

    ZARDOZ WILL BE WATCHING. BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THE GIFT OF THE LINKS IS BEING GIVEN…FOR NOW.

    • THE BRUTAL COURT BATTLE GETS STRANGE. PERHAPS ZARDOZ SHOULD SEND EXTERMINATORS TO CLEANSE THE ENTIRE LOT DEALING WITH THIS?
    • ZARDOZ REPEATS HIS DENIAL THAT THIS IS A CLOSE RELATIVE.
    • AS IF THE BRUTAL NATION OF GREECE DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS…PERHAPS IT WILL CLEANSE MANY BRUTALS?
    • THIS BRUTAL PROFESSOR FORGOT THAT THE PENIS IS EVIL!

     

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • ZARDOZ’S OPEN POST

    NO LINKS, JUST COMMENTS!

     

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. CONTINUE YOUR MASSIVE AMOUNT OF COMMENTS TODAY – NO LINKS ARE NEEDED! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • ZARDOZ’S FRIDAY NIGHT LINKS OF CLEANSING

    YOU ONLY STAB, THE ONES YOU LOVE…

     

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ NEEDS TO REINFORCE ONE OF THE CENTRAL TENANTS OF ZARDOZHOOD….CLEANSING THE FILTH OF BRUTALS, WHO ARE LEGION, AND PLAGUE THE EARTH. PURIFYING THEM, AS YOU WILL. THE GIFT OF THE LINK WILL REINFORCE THAT! GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

    REPORTING FOR COMMENTS!
    • THE CLEANSING GOES ON. SYRIA HAS PROVEN A MOST FRUITFUL AREA TO REMOVE BRUTALS FROM THEIR LIVES.
    • IF ONE CAN STACK SKULLS LIKE A MONGOL CONQUEROR, ZARDOZ WONDERS WHY YOU WOULD BURY THEM INSTEAD? CLEANSING BRUTALS ISN’T SIMPLY KILLING THEM…THERE IS AN ART TO IT!
    • MOVE OVER SOMALIA! ZARDOZ HAS A NEW FAVORITE….LIBYA! PERHAPS A TRIP TO TRIPOLI IS IN ORDER? PERHAPS ZARDOZ COULD PROCLAIM “ZARDOZ CAME, ZARDOZ SAW, BRUTALS DIED!” …THEN CACKLE. BEEN DONE YOU SAY? BACK TO THE POSITRONIC DRAWING BOARD…
    • ON A LIGHTER NOTE…GOOD TO SEE SOME BRUTALS KEEPING A MEANINGFUL PERSPECTIVE.

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

     

  • ZARDOZ’S LABOR DAY LINKS

    THE BBQ IS ON! GATHER THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS FOR RIBS, BURGERS AND ITALIAN SAUSAGE.

     

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. YOU HAVE LABORED MIGHTILY, SNARKING AT THE BRUTALS, WHO ARE LEGION AND CLUTTER THE WEB. TODAY IS A DAY OF REST FOR YOU. HOWEVER, ZARDOZ WILL GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK….FOR ZARDOZ, THERE IS LITTLE REST. SUCH IS THE LIFE OF A FUTURISTIC FLYING STONE HEAD. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

    • ZARDOZ CHEERS THE EFFICACY OF THE BRUTALS IN THE NHS. MAY THEY ALWAYS BE SO MISERABLE IN THEIR EFFORTS. ZARDOZ COULD LAY OFF HALF THE EXTERMINATORS…
    • ZARDOZ DOES NOT SEE A PROBLEM HERE…GOOD FAMILY BACKGROUND. WHY BE ANGRY? YOU COULD GO FAR ON THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS!
    • AH, ZARDOZ SEES WHAT IT TAKES TO GET RID OFF FACEBOOK…CIVIL WAR. ZARDOZ MUST SEE WHAT HE DO TO STIR MORE OF THAT UP.

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • ZARDOZ TELLS DEAR ABBY, “STAY DOWN. YOU LOSE”

    ONCE AGAIN…

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. APPARENTLY MANY NEWSPAPERS AND ONLINE PUBLICATIONS HAVE FAILED TO LEARN THAT ZARDOZ GIVES BETTER ADVICE THAN THE BRUTAL “DEAR ABBY“. ZARDOZ WILL ONCE AGAIN DEMONSTRATE THIS.

    Q: I have reached a crossroads with my career. I used to love my job. I play an important role at my company, and I’m good at what I do. Long term, it provides job security. However, the pay is subpar, and my recent request for a raise was denied. I haven’t received a raise in several years. I couldn’t get a straight answer about the denial. I was told it wasn’t my work performance.

    I have started looking elsewhere, and I have several interviews scheduled. All of them will give me a $15,000-per-year salary increase over what I currently make for doing what I do. I wasn’t asking that much for a raise, not even close.

    But what makes this difficult is my co-workers. They are devastated at the thought of me leaving. One of them, someone I’m fairly close to, was so angry he went to our boss himself without my knowledge. I don’t know what he said, but he got me a raise, albeit a very small one.

    However, my heart is set on leaving. While I appreciate his going out on a limb for me, I now feel “obligated” to stay. Abby, I’m having a hard time with this. Can you help? — MOVING ON IN THE EAST

    A: WELL, IF ZARDOZ ISN’T COMPLETELY SURPRISED BY A WEAK AND PULING BRUTAL. HAD YOU SIMPLY TAKEN COMMAND OF YOUR OWN SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU WOULD HAVE LEFT, AND BECOME SOMETHING…LIKE A BRUTAL ENFORCER, FOR EXAMPLE.

    NOT SNIVELING FOR A “RAISE”

    YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES, AS ZARDOZ SEES IT. SCORN THE WEAKLINGS THAT REMAIN BEHIND AT YOUR FORMER PLACE OF ENSLAVEMENT, AS YOU LEAVE…

    EXIT INTERVIEW

    OR YOU CAN REMAIN AND DEGENERATE INTO A GRAIN SLAVE.

    RAISE DENIED.

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    Q: My wife and I know a couple whose daughter has been our daughter’s playmate since they were 3 months old. They are pleasant and welcoming. We all get along well and have gone to dinner, ball games and musicals together. However, when we go to their home for a gathering, the father will slip off with a few of his old friends and smoke pot on the back porch while the kids are playing inside. It’s their home, and marijuana is legal in our state.

    Their daughter’s 4th birthday party took place last weekend, and once again, with numerous children running around, they slipped out for a toke before the cake was served. This may seem prudish, but I don’t want my daughter in a situation where she might be exposed to this, or think that we think smoking marijuana is perfectly normal.

    I enjoy spending time with this family, but I don’t think I want to visit their home if this is what I can expect. What should we do? — MYSTIFIED IN MASSACHUSETTS

    A: ZARDOZ HAS RESEARCHED THE ARCHIVES OF THE TABERNACLE. IT APPEARS YOU FEAR YOUR BRUTAL OFFSPRING WILL BECOME:

    BRUTALS CANNOT RESIST IT!

    ZARDOZ HAS A PLANT BASED SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM. YOU, YOUR OFFSPRING AND YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE COLLECTED TO CULTIVATE…GRAIN FOR THE VORTEX. THERE, YOU HAVE AVOIDED THE DREADED GANJA WEED! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

     

    Q: My husband and I are happily married, but have one serious problem. Our sleeping habits are incompatible. I am an extremely light sleeper; he is a horrendous snorer.

    He sees a snoring specialist and tried several medical treatments, none of which worked. The only solution is a minor surgical procedure. He doesn’t want to have the surgery. He insists he “sleeps fine,” and says I’m the one with the problem.

    I have tried earplugs, white noise machines, sleep medications and more, but I cannot get a decent sleep with the obnoxious snoring. He stays up much later than I do, and I enjoy sleeping in our master bedroom until he comes to bed. I usually get driven out of the room by the noise.

    We agree we don’t want to sleep in separate rooms and lose the intimacy, but it’s the only option for me to sleep well. Neither of us wants to give up the master bedroom because it’s the only one with an attached bathroom.

    Am I wrong for asking him to have surgery so we can share a bed? And if he won’t, who should get the master bedroom? — SLEEPLESS IN LOUISIANA

    A: ZARDOZ WONDERS, BRUTAL, WHY YOU SIMPLY HAVEN’T TAKEN MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN MISERABLE HANDS? MINOR SURGERY IS MERELY A FEW CUTS, YES?

    THIS MAY STING A LITTLE…

    GIVE YOUR BRUTAL HUSBAND A SHINY OBJECT TO DISTRACT HIM AND…CUT-CUT-STAB-STAB. IF YOUR SELF ADMINISTERED SURGERY FAILS AND YOUR BRUTAL HUSBAND PERISHES, JUST THINK…”NOW IT WILL BE QUIET EVERY NIGHT!” IT APPEARS ZARDOZ MUST DO ALL THE THINKING AROUND HERE…ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • ZARDOZ’S SATURDAY EVENING LINKS OF FEAR

    ZARDOZ’S SATURDAY EVENING LINKS OF FEAR

    HANDSOME, YES?

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ GIVES THE GIFT OF THE LINK A BIT EARLIER ON SATURDAY….OUT OF FEAR. THE MIGHTY ENTITY KNOW AS “SP” HATH ORDAINED THE COMING ATTRACTIONS FOR THE CHOSEN ONES SHALL BE LATER THIS EVENING/TONIGHT. ZARDOZ MOST STRONGLY WISHES TO NOT STEP ON THOSE TOES. DELETION IS ZARDOZ’S GREATEST FEAR….

    THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK….GO FORTH AND SNARK!

    1. THE ORANGE BRUTAL “HINTS” AT FIRING A SUBORDINATE. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CLEANSING THEM? WEAK, HAT AND HAIRED ONE….WEAK.
    2. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. THE BRUTALS HAVE EXCUSES WEAKER THAN “A NIGERIAN PRINCE SAID I HAD MONEY COMING!”. ZARDOZ MUST ADMIT “PRISON” IS A BIT OF A LETDOWN. WHY NOT CLEANSING? JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW, FOR HIS BIBLE IS PACKED WITH BLOW?
    3. THE BRUTALS ARE VERY SLOW TO LOOK AT THE LIGHTWORKER. BUT ZARDOZ WISHES THAT “The resulting fine, one of the largest ever handed down by the FEC, is the result of a failure to disclose or improperly disclosing thousands of contributions to Obama for America during the then-senator’s 2008 presidential run, documents show.” WAS REPLACED WITH “EVERYONE INVOLVED WAS CLEANSED.”
    4. ZARDOZ MUST ADMIT INADEQUATE COGITATION ON THIS MATTER. SHOULD NOT EVERYONE INVOLVED HAVE BEEN CLEANSED? ZARDOZ SMH….AND AT HIS SIZE, THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.