STEVE SMITH GET CALL FROM FRIEND ZARDOZ. IT SEEM HIM WANT HELP WITH, OR ADVICE ON SKUNK APE. BIG STONE HEAD IN LUCK. SKUNKY IS OLD COLLEGE ROOMIE! WE SHARE DORM AT CRYPTID U, FRESHBEAST YEAR. LATER ON WE SPLIT APARTMENT WITH JERSEY DEVIL. THOSE WERE DAYS. STUDY, RAPE, DRINK, RAPE, CRAM FOR EXAMS. BY CRAM FOR EXAMS, ALSO MEAN RAPE.
SKUNKY HAS THING FOR DEER. HIM ONLY STOP RAPE FOR DEER SACRIFICE. AND, MAYBE, TO GET BEERS WITH CHUPACABRA. WORD OF ADVICE – NO PLAY BEER PONG WITH CHUPACABRA. HIM CHAMP OF ALL TIME. STEVE SMITH FIND OUT HARD WAY. WAKE UP WITH SHARPIE DRAWINGS ALL OVER SELF AND HEADACHE.
SO STEVE SMITH WILL HELP. HIM TALK TO UNCLE MAPINGUARI, HAVE SKUNKY GO VISIT HIM FOR CARNIVAL! THIS ONLY WORK ONCE, SO WHO ZARDOZ HELP, BETTER NOT CROSS SKUNK APE AGAIN.
SEA SMITH SIT IN FOR COUSIN STEVE SMITH. HIM BUSY, SO GET LINKS FROM SEA SMITH. LIKE LINKS? HOW ABOUT WATER? COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE. SEA SMITH SHOW YOU WONDERS OF OCEAN. BY SHOW WONDERS OF OCEAN, MEAN RAPE. IN OCEAN.
SEA SMITH SAD FOR DINOSAURS, BUT LIKE HOT TUBBING….SO TOO BAD FOR BIG LIZARDS.
SEAS SMITH LEAVE KITCHEN FOR ONE MINUTE…AND DINNER ESCAPES. OF COURSE, END UP IN AUSTRALIA…WHERE ELSE STING-Y THINGS GO?
THIS ONE NOT SEAS SMITH FAULT! SEA SMITH NOWHERE NEAR SAN FRANCISCO…FOR NOW.
SEA SMITH CONFESS, THIS ONE HE AT FAULT. HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKY WITH FRIEND IN LOCH NESS, BUMP PIPELINE. BY BUMP PIPELINE, MEAN TRY RAPE PIPELINE.
SEA SMITH HOPE YOU LIKE LINKS. COUSIN STEVE SMITH BACK NEXT WEEK.
STEVE SMITH SEE FRIEND ZARDOZ GIVE ADVICE. HIM VERY SMART FOR FLYING GIANT STONE HEAD. SO STEVE SMITH DECIDE HE WANT TO TRY! SO STEVE SMITH THINK, WHAT HE GOOD AT? RAPE, LIVING IN WOODS, RAPE, REMAINING HIDDEN, RAPE AND … MANNERS! GOT TO PRACTICE FANCY MANNERS WHEN WENT TO HOLLYWOOD AS STEPHEN SMYTHE. SO STEVE SMITH TRY HAND, GIVE BETTER ADVICE THAN MS. MANNERS.
MANNERS MAKE THE RAPESQUATCH
FIRST QUESTION: Several years ago, our guests stopped sending us thank-you notes. They stay at our weekend house for days on end, being wined, dined and pampered, and then we receive an email: ”It was so lovely. Thanks.” Now it appears they no longer call or send birthday cards. On my birthday, I receive “e-cards” and am told where to go on the net to see them. Should I feel content with this? At least they remembered my birthday (although doubtless because a programmed reminder popped up on their e-calendars).
STEVE SMITH SAY: STEVE SMITH SAY DISCONTENT NATURAL FEELING. IT NOT TOO MUCH EFFORT TO WRITE FEW LINES. WHEN STEVE SMITH STAY WITH FRIENDS (NESSIE, WENDIGO, UNCLE MAPINGUARY AND OTHERS) HIM ALWAYS SEND NICE NOTE. JUST TEAR LARGE HUNK OF BIRCH BARK OFF TREE, USE SQUIRREL AS PEN AND WRITE SINCERE THINGS. ALSO MAKE SURE SEND BIRTHDAY PRESENT – WRAP RACCOON IN LEAVES AND PINE NEEDLES. THAT ONE GO FEDEX…USPS NO TOUCH THAT. QUICK EASY GIFT – OWL AND OTHER BIRD SKULLS.
IF WANT TEACH MANNERS TO THOUGHTLESS GUEST – YOU HAVE STEVE SMITH GO BY WEEKEND HOME. HIM EXPLAIN PROPER EXPRESSIONS OF GRATITUDE FOR HOSPITALITY. STEVE SMITH MAKE SURE HIM HAMMER HOME POINT. BY HAMMER HOME POINT, MEAN RAPE SO HARD THEY NOT SIT FOR MONTH.
SECOND QUESTION: My parents, who own a large empty nest, offered to provide free room and board to a cousin while he was a student. After a couple of years, my mother was tired of having the cousin living with them, although my father rather enjoyed his company.
Eventually, my mother had harsh words for the cousin, who abruptly moved out, with angry feelings on both sides. Now my mother is angry that after cooking for the cousin and making him part of their lives, she not only has not pleased his family, but they openly dislike her.
The cousin’s family told me that my parents expected him to help maintain the large empty nest; their version is that my parents exploited him by expecting him to do chores. (When my siblings and I lived at home, we did a lot of chores, and I’m sure my parents thought the cousin would do the same when living there.) I don’t know who is right or who is wrong, but I do know everyone is mad.
STEVE SMITH SAY: FOR ROOM, BOARD…FEW CHORES NOT TOO MUCH ASK. WHEN FRIEND ZARDOZ STAY WITH STEVE SMITH, WHILE DRY OUT, HIM GIVE GIFT OF GUN, AND GRAIN. ALSO USE GRAVITRONIC DRIVE TO DRY LEAVES FOR CAVE FLOOR. HIM BEST CAVE ROOMIE EVER. SO STEVE SMITH HAVE GOOD EXAMPLE DRAW FROM.
FOR ANGRY COUSIN, TRY POINT OUT HOW MUCH ROOM, BOARD COST AND HOW BAD STUDENT LOAN GET IN FEW YEARS. ASK, HIM NO DO CHORES AT HOME? IF TOO LAZY AND NO HELP…MOM AND DAD BETTER OFF HE GONE. STEVE SMITH GO TELL ALL THIS TO COUSIN’S FAMILY IF WANT. THEN DEMONSTRATE DOING CHORES AROUND HOUSE. BY DOING CHORES, MEAN RAPE ENTIRE FAMILY. AROUND HOUSE.
STEVE SMITH HOPE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE FIND STEVE SMITH ADVICE USEFUL.
STEVE SMITH LAUGHING. HE LIKE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE AND HAT AND HAIR CARTOON. ALSO, HAVE EASY DAY WHEN VW MICROBUS FULL OF HIPPIES BREAK DOWN NEAR WOODS. NORMALLY STEVE SMITH NOT SO BIG ON HIPPIE RAPE, BUT IT HELP FINISH OFF WEEKLY TARGETS. OH, STEVE SMITH NEED REMEMBER TPS REPORT.
NOT WORRY, STEVE SMITH HAVE LINKS FOR FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE. STEVE SMITH GO VISIT COUSIN SEA SMITH FOR WHILE, SO HERE ARE LINKS IN MEANTIME;
STEVE SMITH SAY “GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.” THIS MEAN STATE OF EMERGENCY END IN FRANCE? WHY NOT?
THINGS LIKE THIS MAKE STEVE SMITH GLAD HE NO LIVE IN NEW YORK. IT SILLY PLACE.
EVEN IN DEATH, HATE BIRDS CAN HURT. STEVE SMITH EAT HATE BIRDS LIKE CHIPS – CAN’T EAT ONE, MUST EAT MANY!
STEVE SMITH HATE AMATEURS. LEAVE TO PROFESSIONALS, LIKE STEVE SMITH.
STEVE SMITH NOT HAPPY…HE NO GET LAWYER TO STOP IMAGE USE. ALL AFRAID OF RAPE. SO STEVE SMITH RAPE LAST 2 LAWYERS…NOT SEE PROBLEM. BUT THIS NOT FUNNY GLIBERTARIANS PEOPLE PROBLEM. IS PROBLEM FOR STEVE SMITH. HE THINK ON IT, WHILE YOU READ LINKS AND SAY FUNNY THINGS.
STEVE SMITH CATEGORICALLY DENY BEING PART OF TEAM WHO ASK QUESTIONS OF PRINCE. HIM COOPERATE FREELY. NOT AT THREAT OF STEVE SMITH RAPE. NOPE.
YOU KNOW STEVE SMITH DON’T LIKE AMATEURS…SO HOPE THIS PUT MANY IN JAIL OR DISGRACE.
SILLY NEWSPAPER THINK, NEXT TIME GOVERNMENT SPEND GOOD. MAYBE STEVE SMITH NEED TO RAPE THEM INTO GOOD SENSE?
STEVE SMITH NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY…SO YOU READ, HE JUST SHAKE HEAD.
STEVE SMITH GO NOW. IT DISCOUNT NIGHT AT RV PARK, SO STEVE SMITH GO FIND CHEAP DATES. BY FIND CHEAP DATES, MEAN RAPE ENTIRE RV PARK.
STEVE SMITH THINK ALARM CLOCK GO OFF EARLY, OR MAYBE LOST RV HONKING HORN FOR HELP (STEVE SMITH HELP…BY HELP, MEAN RAPE). BUT IT NOT EITHER. IT TSUNAMI WARNING! HIM CHECK INTERWEBZ AND SEE DANGER. SO HURRY UP AND MAKE LINKS FOR FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE NOT LIVE ON COAST. JUST AS STEVE SMITH FINISH… THEM CANCEL WARNING.
AT FIRST, STEVE SMITH HAPPY. IT NO FUN RAPING STRAGGLING SURVIVORS OF DISASTER. THEN STEVE SMITH GET MAD AT ENGLISH TABLOID. MAY HAVE TO BOOK TRIP TO LONDON TO VOICE DISPLEASURE TO STAFF. BY VOICE DISPLEASURE, MEAN RAPE. COULD ALSO TAKE OPPORTUNITY TO GO SEE NESSIE, UP NORTH. BEEN WHILE SINCE SEEN. USED TO BE WILD TOGETHER.
STEVE SMITH AND NESSIE IN GOOD OLD DAYS
BUT FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE NO CARE ABOUT THAT. THEY WANT LINKS. SO HERE LINKS, AND STEVE SMITH GLAD YOU NO HAVE TO RUN FROM BIG WAVE.
STEVE SMITH READ THIS…CAN ONLY SHAKE HEAD. WHAT GOING ON OUT THERE?
IF THEY WANT SNEAK IN SPAIN, STEVE SMITH EXCELLENT TEACHER ON REMAIN HIDING.
WHAT YOU SAY THIS …SMOKE AND MIRRORS? NOT WORK? IMPOSSIBLE?
STEVE SMITH GO BACK BED NOW. NEED REST. GO FIND RELIEVED CAMPERS LATER. BY FIND, MEAN RAPE.
STEVE SMITH NOT AT PEACE NOW. YESTERDAY, HIM TELL YOU ABOUT TEA CEREMONY AND HOW HAPPY WAS. NOW, ANGRY! WHEN STEVE SMITH GO TO ORDER MORE TEA, SEE THIS:
NOT ASK STEVE SMITH IF CAN USE IMAGE FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES
AND WHAT WITH “WENDIGO TEA” NAME? STEVE SMITH KNOW WENDIGO – HIM HATE TEA. STRICTLY COFFEE (TIM HORTON’S) FOR WENDIGO!
Now you’ll have the device to really mess with Bigfoot and you’ll have a scare tactic that will frighten your friends like never before!
OH, STEVE SMITH COME WHEN BLOW WHISTLE….AND RAPE WHISTLER! HOW YOU LIKE THAT? IT NOT KICKSTARTER, IT RAPESTARTER!
STEVE SMITH GOOD “FOREST LAWYER” (SHOULD SEE STEVE SMITH MAKE “MOTION”) BUT HAVE TO LOOK UP IP LAWYER. WONDER IF CAN GET OUTSIDE LAWYER AFTER RAPE LAST ONE? BUT THIS NOT FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE’S PROBLEM. SO STEVE SMITH GIVE YOU LINKS.
MAYBE STEVE SMITH GO TRY THIS? PROBABLY BREAK THEM ALL.
STEVE SMITH ENJOY LIFE RIGHT NOW. AFTER RAPE ENTIRE BUS OF JAPANESE TOURISTS, HE FIND BOOK ON TEA CEREMONY. STEVE SMITH TRY CEREMONY, FIND IT RELAXING. STEVE SMITH WONDER IF HE FIND MONSUKE THAT FIT? ALSO, IT GOOD THING STEVE SMITH CAN GET FRESH SUSHI NEARBY.
FRIENDS HELP STEVE SMITH CATCH FISH FOR SUSHI!
NOW STEVE SMITH GIVE YOU FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE SOME LINKS TO ENJOY:
STEVE SMITH NOT KNOW JAPAN OUTSOURCE SWORD MAKING?!
STEVE SMITH CONFUSED. THOUGHT TRUMP WAS RUSSIA MEAT PUPPET? NOW STEVE SMITH DOUBT.
WORST JOB IN WORLD? STEVE SMITH THINK HE FIND IT – “RUSSIAN HUMAN RIGHTS WORKER IN CHECHNYA”.
STEVE SMITH HAVING BIT OF TROUBLE SLEEPING LATELY. NOT SURE WHY. HAS BRAND NEW PILE OF LEAVES TO SLEEP ON, IN CAVE. WORK NO TROUBLE – WELL OVER MONTHLY RAPE TARGETS. SO STEVE SMITH APPRECIATE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE GIVE IDEAS HOW STEVE SMITH GET SLEEP. BEING AWAKE SO MUCH GIVE STEVE SMITH TIME TO GIVE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE LINKS…SO THAT GOOD.
THIS NOT WHAT STEVE SMITH CONSIDER WORTHY PROTEST…BUT DOES GIVE STEVE SMITH GOOD LAUGH.
THIS ALSO NOT WAY TO PROTEST. YOU MAKE SELVES LOOK WORSE THAN SILLY AD.
CELEBRITY PEOPLE THEY WANT IN THREESOMES? STEVE SMITH GO MORE FOR EIGHTSOMES. SOMETIMES NINESOMES. DEPENDS HOW MANY PEOPLE IN CABIN OR RV.
COUSIN SEA SMITH SEND FILM CLIP OF MAJESTIC SEA FLAP FLAP GET AWAY FROM SHARK.
STEVE SMITH HAPPY TO SEE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE AGAIN. WAS AFRAID MOST OF YOU FROZE. STEVE SMITH DOES NOT LIKE FROZEN PEOPLE. MAKE RAPE COLD AND IMPERSONAL. NOT REALLY STEVE SMITH’S STYLE. SO STEVE SMITH SAY RELAX, AND HE GIVE YOU LINKS TO ENJOY. THEN GO DOWN TO CABIN ALONG TRAIL, HELP CAMPERS BY BUILDING NICE WARM FIRE. THEN RAPE. STEVE SMITH HAS TO DO HIS THING.
