Author: sloopyinca

Ah, the fresh air. The gulf breezes. The relaxing sound of the surf and seagulls.  ALL. GONE.  But what a fine week with friends it was.  Sure, I’m a little fat because of it. But its a price I’d be willing to pay again if only given the chance.  Alas, the next trip is apparently to Phoenix in 6 weeks.  I’m praying to God that some auction comes up and I sadly won’t get to go enjoy searing heat with no water in sight.

Anyway, I’m not here to recap my vacation.  You guys don’t care about that.  You’re here for one thing and one thing only…the birthday and sports update!

Well the Capitals won, and managed to fuel more Trump-Russia insanity at the same time.  Personally, I think it was a great trolling by Kushner and his wife Ivanka. And it almost makes a DC team winning something significant tolerable.  Speaking of winning, I guess LeBron had enough of it so he decided to punch a whiteboard and break his hand in the middle of the NBA Finals.  It only hurt him for a few games though, as his Cavs were humiliatingly swept by the GSW squad.  Now America, or at least a very small part of her, will wait to see where he lands next year.

Also, Halep and Nadal won in France, to nobody’s surprise.  Sebastian Vettel won in Canada after a woman almost ruined the race. The Astros won in hilarious fashion. (Suck on that, Rangers fans.)

And for those college baseball fans out there, of which we know of at least one superfan, your CWS is almost set.  Washington, Mississippi State, North Carolina and Oregon State have advanced to Omaha.  The last four spots will be filled today when Texas and Tennessee Tech, Florida and Auburn, Texas Tech and Duke and finally South Carolina and the ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS face off in the rubber match of their best-of-three series.  Best of luck to everyone except South Carolina.

English playwright and poet Ben Johnson was born on this date. So was the first woman ever elected to Congress Jeannette Rankin. They share the day with coach Vince Lombardi, diver-explorer Jacques Cousteau, idiot-criminal Charlie Rangel, the late, great genius of the silver screen Gene Wilder, mobster Henry Hill, goat (?) QB Joe Montana, and nut job Shia LaBeouf.

It was also the day on which Troy was sacked, Ben Franklin invented his Franklin Stove, Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef, the Broad Street Riot happened in Boston, Charles Lindbergh was awarded the first ever Distinguished Flying Cross, Hitchcock’s “The Lodger” was released, Charlie Siffird became the first black man ever to play in a US Open golf tournament, some crazy monk in Saigon burned himself alive, Sloop John B hit No. 1 in England, Larry Holmes TKO’d Gerry Cooney in 13 rounds for the heavyweight boxing title, Reagan’s funeral was held at Washington National Cathedral, and Nolan Ryan threw his sixth no-hitter.

What a busy day mankind had on this 11th day of June. Lots of cool stuff.  But its time to forget all that and refocus your energy on…the links!

Trump and Kim meetings kicking off in Singapore. Enough said.  Well, not quite. I hope we actually get a lasting peace and an opportunity for the Nork people to enter the civilized world and get out from the yoke they’ve been under for decades now.  Appeasement hasn’t worked with these guys in the past and we’ve never gotten this far in a dialogue with them.  Its time to see if Trump can put his money where his mouth is and pull it off.

On a side note, what the fuck is going on with Justin Trudeau’s eyebrows?

Well I hope they at least have him on ice. Bourdain’s body still in France after red tape keeps his family, which includes the 11-year old daughter he decided wasn’t important enough to live for, from transporting his body to America for burial.

Somebody ought to ask this guy if he knows where DB Cooper is. Or Keyser Soze! I mean, 35 years?  He’s gotta be the all-time hide-and-seek champion.

What a fucking pussy. The correct response would have been “fuck you, its delicious.”  But that would make too much sense.

Not all heroes wear capes. And some of them face criminal charges for doing God’s work. Somebody needs to get a GoFundMe set up for this great man so we can help him out.

I swear, I think the people of Chicago would simply be better off if their schools were abandoned and they let everything become New Jack City. I mean, at least Nino Brown handed out turkeys at Thanksgiving and offered Pookie a job if he got off the crack.

And here’s a mystery for all you history buffs out there. Pretty cool stuff, actually.

Listen, I’m sorry if I duplicated links from last week or over the weekend. I was truly on vacation from all responsibility (aside from the 20 or so hours I dedicated to work), so give me a break if I double-posted.  But its certainly good to be back doing what I love to do as often as I can.  Thanks to everyone who filled in and delivered what I’m sure were better links than I provide.  But you’re probably stuck with me for the most part for a while at least.

This was mentioned earlier.

Have a great day out there, friends!

You had your chance, Cleveland. And you blew it.  You completely shit the bed and now are destined to fail.  Also, the Cavaliers lost last night to Golden State in Game 1 of the NBA Finals.  Rafa Nadal is cruising in France like I said he would.  Serena dropped the first set but came back and won her match.  The Astros were happy to be back home.  Boston was not happy to be visiting.

But here’s the sports story of the day:  and it explains all-too-clearly why England is probably a lost cause.  Its so retarded that even Piers Morgan has chimed in.  Trigger warning: trigger.

Boy, today was a day for birthdays.  Mormon leader and founder of Salt Lake City, Brigham Young was born today.  As was South African political prisoner and later president actor Nelson Mandela Morgan Freeman, Kennedy spit-roastee Marilyn Monroe, under appreciated actor Brian Cox, also unappreciated actor Jonathan Pryce, Ohio State defensive coordinator and soon-to-be recipient of a hefty settlement from the University of Tennessee Greg Schiano, eye-candy Heidi Klum, Canadian person Alanis Morisette, and fat person Amy Schumer.

It was also on this date that Charlemagne opened the general synod in Frankfurt, Anne Boleyn was crowned Queen of England, Kentucky and Tennessee (in different years) were admitted into the Union, Ohio University was founded as the first land-grant university in the nation, Sojourner Truth began her career as an anti-slavery activist, Robert E Lee assumed command of the Army of Northern Virginia, Thomas Edison was granted his first patent. Lou Gehrig replaced Wally Pipp and played the first of 2130 consecutive games. Adolph Eichmann was executed in Israel for war crimes. Ed Sullivan’s last live TV show aired. And Wings released “Live And Let Die”.

That, my friends, is quite a bit to digest.  But I hoped you saved enough room to swallow…the links!

Remember in the olden days when a town would just gather together, march to a house and take a witch into custody?  Apparently, witch hunts cost a lot more in this day and age. I especially like the “rent” entry.  You know, because its not like our federal government doesn’t already own so much unoccupied space that it can’t accurately account for it all.

I like Wikipedia.  Hell, I have had some good laughs there, especially going back to the golden age when entries were hilariously inaccurate.  I’m thinking of the incident where Jim Rome lost his shit when someone edited Stan Van Gundy’s entry to say he was a stand-in for Ron Jeremy and had also been the first successful pubic-to-head hair transplant recipient.  But Wikipedia ceases to be funny when it tars everyone to the right of Hillary Clinton as a freaking Nazi. And Google is no more responsible when they allow a publicly-edited compendium to be used as fact on its search results.  Fortunately, their algorithm hasn’t allowed anything like comparing progressives to Mao, Pol Pot, Stalin, Castro or any of the other communist/socialist butchers. But I would imagine they’re monitoring the accuracy of those descriptions a lot more closely than they are about icky conservatives. Or even Republicans for that matter.

Kim Kardashian opens up about her meeting to discuss criminal justice reform and the hopeful release of Alice Johnson with Donald Trump. I hope CNN can keep from blowing a gasket what with the alleged celebrity worship that is happening for the first time ever in the White House just like it does with every President in living memory.

Blood on the streets of San Francisco! Has the cabbie not considered that she needed that cab more than he did? Did he even stop to think about her, or was the greedy 1%er just gonna let her die?Also, bang-up job there, SFPD. She only ran around in the little city for two hours and crashed herself before you guys located her.  Shit, she could have driven halfway to Oakland in that amount of time.  Off-rush hour, obviously.

Had it never occurred to any of these fucking clowns that the correct question to ask is: “why the fuck are you granting an exclusive license for a single company to operate a legal business in your city?” But that would allow for competition. Nope, these pricks can’t have that.  They gotta try and take someone else’s monopoly away.

I am trying not to laugh. I am trying not to laugh. I am trying not to laugh. Aw, fuck it. This one is funny.

Placed on desk duty after the shooting, Schuler, 49, continues to collect his $111,000-a-year salary while the city of Chicago’s Civilian Office of Police Accountability investigates him for failing to keep his weapon secured, among other things.

Shit. I stopped laughing.

What’s really sad for this guy is that he didn’t even have anything big enough for the SWAT team to confuse for a gun and shoot him. Also, why is he not in Florida where he belongs?

This is how I feel today.

And do you want to know why?  Because my son is graduating from high school tomorrow and the family are going to the beach with our friends Brett L and his awesome family for a week of relaxation.  I’m sure we’ll check in from time to time, but its gonna be time to tap the keg of St Arnold Lawnmower I’m bringing and fire up the grill while our kids all have a blast.  God bless you all and have a great week.

Just a few more days till vacation…that’s what I’m thinking this morning as I type this.  Of course, I have four auctions in various stages going on right now.  Shit, make that five.  Now if I can just get the two I recently finished all shipped in the next two days I can relax for my son’s high school graduation, which is oddly enough being held 30 miles away at an NFL stadium rather than the football stadium on campus.  But whatever. (Speaking of the NFL, I can think of at least one player that needs to take a math class.) And then we can head to the beach with Brett L and clan for a week of fun.

Oh, and speaking of sports in general, Stosur, Mugaruza, Rybarikova, Pera and Mertens have moved on today in the Women’s side of the French.Halep and Serena play later in the day.  On the Men’s side, Marin Cilic is up 2 sets in his match and no others are completed. But Sam Querry was bounced yesterday, in case anybody wondered.  Not that it matters much on the Men’s side. If Rafael Nadal doesn’t just steamroll the entire field, I’ll be absolutely shocked.

On the ice, Holtby stood on his head as the Caps held on to even the series with Vegas at 1-1.  I still think Vegas will win in 6. The NBA Finals kick off tonight. And I think the GSW will also win in 6.  And that’s all for sports.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!! Zinedane Zidane has resigned at Real Madrid as of right now.

If you were born on May 31, you share your birthday with Walt Whitman, Pope Pius XI, actor/director Clint Eastwood, (dead) rocker John Bonham, miracle-on-ice goalie Jim Craig, super-hot 80s actress Lea Thompson, nude (child) model and “actress” Brooke Shields, In Bruges (and see it if you haven’t) actor Colin Farrell, and RUN-DMC’s Darryl Matthews. Its also the day Sir Francis Bacon spent a night in the Tower Of London against his will, Madison Square Garden, named after James Madison, opened in New York City. (Uh, how come the retards haven’t demanded the name be changed from that of a slaveholder?  My guess is that they haven’t found out it was named after him.), Montgomery evacuated from Dunkirk, James Stewart retires from the USAF after 27 years of service, and Seinfeld debuted on NBC.

That’s a lot going on.  But that’s all in the past. This is the present. So let’s talk about what just happened, which I guess is also technically the past. But its much more recent, so its different, right?  Well whatever. Here are…the links!

You want to know what narcissism is?  THIS is what narcissism is. I mean…Christ, what an asshole.

Trump met a celebrity in the Oval Office to discuss criminal justice reform.  And the leftists went apeshit. Especially Jim Acosta over at CNN.  Strangely enough, his on-air outburst on the matter doesn’t square too well with his reaction to Obama meeting with celebrity John Legend doing the exact same thing for the exact same reason.  But Jim gonna Jim.

California legislators figure out another way to get peoples money. And what smarter place to put the money of a quasi-legal endeavour (that spelling is for our Canadian brethren) than in the bank run by the state?  LOL, anybody dumb enough to participate in that circle-jerk deserves whatever they get.

I’m just going to repeat the lede of this link word for word, since I doubt I can capture the essence any better on my own:  STX Beats Lawsuit Over ‘Happytime Murders’ Trailer With ‘Ejaculating Puppets’. That is all.

Joy Reid is back in the news. Since homophobic comments didn’t sink her, let’s see if the 9/11 truther insanity does.  Seriously, she was on a panel yesterday on MSNBC for “everyday racism” with noted anti-Semite Al Sharpton. That’s quite the pair to be hectoring us on how we view other people.

He wasn’t drunk. He’s obviously not an Asian woman. So this is the most reasonable explanation. But still, I think the Red Cross should take some money away from all those people they help with the money they get the fat-ass salaries they pay their executives or their massive marketing budget and at least replace the dude’s porch.

And in local news, Houston philanthropist and all-around great guy given honorary doctorate from Baylor.  I can’t think of a nicer guy to give the honor to.  Well done, JJ.

Happy Birthday, guy.

Have a great Thursday, friends.

Hope everyone had a nice long weekend. Or regular weekend for that matter.  And I hope you remembered those who gave their lives to make sure you were able to enjoy it.  And no, I don’t mean the fucking labor unions.

Patrick Henry, who uttered the famous phrase “give me liberty or give me death” was born on this date.  So was funny man Bob Hope, climber Tenzing Norgay, president John F Kennedy, composer Danny Elfman, “celebrity” LaToya Jackson, musician and buffoon Noel Gallagher, and Spice Girl Mel B.  Also on this date, Charles II returned from exile, the aforementioned Patrick Henry made his historic speech against the Stamp Act, the last of the 13 colonies (Rhode Island) ratified the Constitution, Coca-Cola began advertisements, Larry Bird beat out Magic Johnson for Rookie Of The Year, and the Boston Red Sox retired Ted Williams’s iconic #9 and Joe Cronin’s #4. And the “Gilbert” of Gilbert & Sullivan passed away, as did CIA drug runner Manuel Noriega.

Well the Warriors did what I knew they’d do.  Hell, you could have turned it off with about 3 minutes left in the third after Curry hit three 3-pointers in a row to take the lead to 6.  That game was done.  Now they get to play LeBron James for the thirty-sixth NBA Finals in a row it feels like.  Also, the Yankees fans were none to keen on Justin Verlander shutting their bats down. And out in the desert, Las Vegas got the Stanley Cup Finals started with a 6-4 win over the Washington Capitals.

OK, now that we’ve gotten that cleared up, and I managed to give a double-shoutout to Patrick Henry as he deserves, let’s get into…the links!

I can’t possibly see how this could be twisted to make libertarianism look bad. I personally approve, but prepare yourself for the onslaught of retarded big-government progressives saying we would pay tolls for every foot of road we drove on if we had our way (forgetting that we pay a shitload of money in fuel taxes, municipal taxes and every other way the government twists our arm into paying for “free” public roads.

Hey reporters, take note: its better to report on the story rather than become the story. Condolences, but this was bound to happen sooner or later as reporters consistently try to place themselves closer and closer to danger in their idiotic game of one-one-upsmanship.

Since they’ve managed to tackle every serious problem on the continent, like rising crime rates, an immigration crisis, economies spiraling the drain and persistent terrorism, the European Union has decided it has the free time for stupid shit.

What a crazy bastard. Manning is currently running for the Senate as a Democrat.  I’m sure this will garner the candidate some sympathy votes from some quarters but turn off people in others, namely those with an ounce of brains.

North Korean official en route to New York City for talks on the upcoming summit. (cue Dem talking point that Trump will put him up in his hotel in violation of the Emoluments Clause and say this is grounds for impeachment) Let’s hope Dennis Rodman is available if needed.

Corruption, thy name is the Chicago Public Schools system.  Seriously, why is this level of corruption not national headlines every sin…oh, never mind. It has nothing to do with Trump and is a city completely controlled by the Democrat Party.  Therefore it doesn’t merit national attention.

Wait, were they seriously considering charging a man who does society a favor? Also, it could have been done more humanely if gun-free zones at schools weren’t a thing.  So don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

Also, Nelson Mandela Morgan Freeman fights back against assault allegations. I’m with him.  Words aren’t assault, snowflakes.  You don’t like what someone says, tell them to go fuck themselves. Don’t wait 25 years and then squeal like a pig to the media when piling on is all the rage.

And that concludes the links.

Well, except for this ditty. Happy birthday!

Have a great day and a great start to the short week.

I hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend. And I want to say thank you to our veterans.  I know today is a tough day for a lot of you, as we honor your comrades and brothers/sisters-in-arms who gave their lives for our freedom.  God bless them, their families and those who are and were affected by the loss.

There’s no smooth transition from that to the rest of the links, so I won’t try to get clever and pull it off.  But I will go into sports.  Looks like I was wrong about Houston and the GSW. Tonight they play game 7 and I thought it would be over in 6.  I still think the Warriors will come out and win, but I sure would love to be proven wrong.  Meanwhile, LeBron did what LeBron does.  He made it to the NBA Finals for the eighth straight year, carrying his team to a game 7 win in Boston when neither team could shoot the ball worth a shit and the Celtics simply locked up in the last 5 minutes.  It was a good series. The NHL begins the Stanley Cup finals tonight, as Washington takes on Vegas.  I’m personally cheering for a meteor.

Congratulations are in order for Daniel Ricciardo, who got a little revenge for 2016 as he won the Monaco Grand Prix.  Doing it with that gearbox he had was a hell of a feat, too.  Also congratulations to Will Power for winning a crash-filled Indianapolis 500.  Also congratulations to Danica Patrick.  She ended her “racing” career yesterday, although it ended in a wall.  It was a bizarre sight since she was always most known for climbing out of a wrecked stock car as opposed to a wrecked champ car.

If you were born today, you share it with such luminaries as Selim II of the Ottoman Empire, King George I, one of the greatest athletes ever in Jim Thorpe, blues guitarist T-bone Walker, cager Jerry West, “America’s Mayor” and Fox News contributor Rudy Guiliani, rocker John Fogerty, and skinny singer Kylie Minogue.  Its also the day a solar eclipse in 585BC ended a war, Pope Leo X signed a treaty with the HRE, the first continental congress convened in 1774, Dodge Brothers and Chrysler merge to create a mega-manufacturer of shitty cars, Dwight Eisenhower unleashed a beast when he signed the first Farm Bill, and Scorcese’s Taxi Driver won the Palme d’Or at Cannes. Oh yeah, and Bill Clinton’s business partners in his Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud.

That last historical event will make the first story that follows here a bit awkward. Which is my way of saying its time for…the links!

The daughter of privilege (and quite possibly a serial rapist) says President Trump degrades what it means to be an American. She may be right.  We should all life lives of integrity…like having a dad get blowjobs from interns in the White House or a mother who oversaw a gun-running operation that got an ambassador killed and equipped ISIS. But that’s not her fault.  Of course, maybe getting her wedding paid for with funds earmarked for Haitian earthquake victims is…but she’s so stupid she was probably unaware of that as well.

Maryland has turned into a flood zone.  Wwe feel your pain here in Houston.  You guys stay safe there and get to higher ground if the waters are still rising.

Hey Great Britain: FREE TOMMY ROBINSON, you bunch of jackbooted goons.

The Trump-Kim summit is back on after some posturing. I’m sure there will be people, namely pundits and bureaucrats who have never negotiated anything in their life, who will say this has been poorly handled diplomatically.  But they have never trued to broker a deal before where the hard bargain is a necessity.

Bobby Kennedy Jr doesn’t believe Sirhan Sirhan killed his father. Ok then.

Speaking of conspiracy theories, I can’t possibly see how this development will do anything but feed the fever dreams of left-wing morons who don’t understand how oil exploration or extraction work.

That’s it. This is for the birthday boy.

Have a great day, especially those of you who lost a comrade.

Yeah Daaaaaayum! The Houston Rockets pulled off a big win, when the Warriors did not, in fact, come out to pla-e-yay in the fourth quarter. That was a surprise when I woke up and saw it this morning after turning the tv off in the third because it wasn’t much of a game.  I’m still sticking to my guns and calling this one in 6 though.  I caught a glimpse of the script when Adam Silver walked by a TV camera the other day.  Celtics-Cavs will go to 7, by the way.  But the league hasn’t decided who they want to win yet. They play game 5 tonight.

Speaking of playoffs, the Wales Conference champions will be crowned tonight in Tampa Bay.  I’m sure Capitals fans are relaxed, what with their team’s performance in big games like this over the history of the franchise.  Also, it was 20 years ago this playoff season when I watched the Capitals live in game 4 of the Stanley Cup final.  Tickets were about $25 each for lower level corner seats at the MCI Center (I think) as they were swept by the Red Wings.  That’s the year they rolled Vladi Konstantinov onto the ice (to some tears from me and other fans) after that dickhead limo driver wrecked his career and life. Way to go, asshole.

Across the pond, Arsenhole find a new manager they hope can bring them to the promised land of Thursday European matches, which will be all the rage in London this fall.  Meanwhile, Liverpool get set to take the biggest of big stages this weekend.  YNWA.

Hey, today is my eldest daughter’s birthday. She shares it with Gen Ambrose Burnside, physicist and inventor of the transistor John Bardeen, hero to musicians Robert Moog, baseball’s Buck Showalter, libertarian actor Drew Carey, assclown “writer” Mitch Albom, snaggletoothed singer Jewel, and Jeopardy! contestant-extraordinaire Ken Jennings. And historical events such as Ben Franklin inventing bifocals and Mao Tse-tung starting his barbarous “Great Leap Forward” took place.

And now its time for us to take a great leap forward (without tens of millions of dead bodies, I hope) toward…the links!

I know Stormy Daniels’s attorney figures he’s gonna get rich off of this shitshow. But it looks like he needs to start stroking some pretty hefty checks of his own before that happens.

LOL, fucking millennials.  Seriously, dude?  Seriously?!?!?!

The NYT’s Frank Bruni is shitting his pants because he’s afraid the Mueller investigation might be helping Trump.  He actually laments that focusing on collusion only will cause the media as well as the hoi polloi to overlook serious things like risking security by using unsecured devices. And he also decries that the media are letting Trump frame the investigation as being only about collision when its about so much more (which contradicts the spirit if not letter of the directive) they could use to get rid of the outsider.

Wow. What kind of an asshole does shit like this? Kudos to the soldier. I wonder if children of adoption are more prone to take care of others in the same situation. I’d imagine so. Any adopted Glibs out there want to weigh in?

Careful what you wish for, lady. Or perhaps she was menstruating, because I heard that attracts them.

Why this is surprising is beyond me.  Cheerleaders have always been notorious for being bitches.  But still, I think it shows how thin-skinned the pussies running high schools as well as students and parents of today’s kids, can be.

Trump tries to stay on topic during media Q&A.  Meanwhile, the media continue to ignore mounting evidence that there was a conspiracy to spy on, entrap and fuck with his presidential campaign.

Proof that old people can still make good music.

Enjoy hump day.  I’m taking my daughter, who is a Giants fan, to watch Verlander shut them down.  God bless day baseball.

I hope your week got off to a good start yesterday.  Well, I’m sure it was better than the Celtics anyway.  They’ll, as I said they would, to Cleveland yesterday to even the series at 2-2.  The Lightning also fell to the Capitals, and now we have a winner-take-all Game 7 to decide the Wales Conference. Meanwhile Vegas is resting up.

Oh yeah, and TTUN announced that the football team is planning on going to South Africa in 2019.  I believe Ohio State announced they are planning on going to the CFP Championship Game in 2019.  Meh, to each their own. Have fun, skunkweasels. Those cultural trips probably erase some of the shame of never, ever beating your biggest rivals anymore. Or you’ll tell yourselves that anyway.

We got a few birthdays today.  Noted composer and anti-Semite Richard Wagner, author Arthur Conan Doyle, children’s author Herge, oilman T Boone Pickens, politician Harvey Milk, Unabomber (and possible Glibertarian) Ted Kaczynski, supermodel Naomi Campbell and fading tennis great Novak Dokovic. Also on this day, for you military historians, Alexander the Great defeated Darius III in the Battle Of The Granicus. And one of the most catastrophic proposals in the history of the United States made its debut when LBJ presented his “Great Society” shitshow of a plan.

OK, that was fun.  Now…the links!

Want to see how far to the left a so-called “fact checker” has slipped? They don’t even know the definition of the words “all”, “every”, “mass” or “mostly”.  Fucking losers.

DOJ Inspector General is about to savage James Comey for not moving quickly enough in securing a warrant to get the emails illegally stored by Hillary Clinton confidante on her convicted sex offender husband’s laptop.  I wonder if it’ll touch on the facet that they were trying to avoid it becoming news at all until the press got wind of its existence and forced them to acknowledge its existence.

Huh. I had no idea there were Glibs living in Portland. Anyway, I believe you’ve made bail by now so you won’t be outed by a lack of comments today.

Starbucks already feeling the consequences of its retarded new bathroom/vagrancy acceptance policies.  Dumbasses didn’t know this was what would happen?

I don’t even know why suicidal people jump out of windows or put a gun to their own head.  Apparently all you need to do these days is buy a Tesla and let the car do the job for you. Sure beats the messy cleanup and your heirs can cash in rather than have the insurance claim rejected.

That’s right…blame the inanimate object rather than the asshole who pulled the trigger.  Fuck you, Chicago Tribune. You’re not gonna get most peoples’ guns on a registry and you aren’t going to force us to get a permit to exercise a fundamental human right.  Molon Labe, grabbers.

Palestine demands the International CriminalCourt look into how Israel defended herself when faced with a series of border fence assaults last week.  Israel points out that they’re not even members of the ICC and tells the Palestinians to GFY and stop trying to breach the border and kill innocent people, which the Gaza’s are wont to to.

I hate this fucker, but this is a good song. Even if its a little long.

Best of luck out there today.  I gotta take Reason to get some dental work done.  That’s gonna be a lot of fun.

Well the Rockets sure shit the bed in the second half last night.  Not that it wasn’t predictable that the Warriors would go up in the series.  In fact, they’ll go up 3-1 tomorrow night. And then Houston will win at home and the Warriors will close them out in 6 after the league thinks they’ve bled enough tv revenue ofut of the series without looking WWF-like.  The Celtics, now up 2-1, will fall again tonight to there Cavs and that series will go 7.

Meanwhile, on the ice, the Vegas/Army Expansion Knights have won the Campbell Conference and are waiting to see who they’ll play for the Stanley Cup.  Congratulations, NHL.  Your retarded-ass expansion rules for this go around have created a team that never would have happened on its own, at the expense of the rosters other teams took years to build.  Which means I’m wholeheartedly on the Tampa Bay bandwagon. Not only because I love Stevie Y, but because the Caps vs Vegas in the Stanley Cup final will make me cheer for a meteor to strike the arena they’re in one night.

Oh, and the Astros took 2 of 3 from the Indians. And some other baseball happened, including an appearance by the mercurial Sidd Finch. (If you don’t remember that story, that’s a bummer.  It was one of the best trolls by a major media publication ever.)

I pity the fool that don’t recognize Mr T’s birthdate. Also sharing this date are jazzman Fats Waller, Canadian actor Raymond Burr, industrialist Armand Hammer, douchebag Al Franken, actor Judge Reinhold, gourmet cook Jeffrey Dahmer, and marijuana enthusiast Ricky Williams. Its also the day the American Red Cross, once a responsible charity now a money-making empire for those on its board, was founded by Clara Barton, Leopold and Loeb, inspiration for Hitchcock masterpiece “Rope” did their deed, Lucky Lindy Landed in Paris, The Sultan of Swat hit three homers in a row, douchebag Heinrich Himmler was captured, and “Empire Strikes Back” hit theaters.

That’s out of the way.  Which means we are ready to segue into…the links!

Imagine your local economy doing so well that it actually supposedly created a food desert.   Of course the story is a lot more complex, but local leaders want, nay demand answers from businesses as to why they won’t keep unprofitable stores open even though local residents didn’t use them with enough frequency to keep them profitable.

The latest entry in the “libertarians told you so” book.  Which means local pols will immediately try to find a way to get their grubby little hands on it and fuck it up.

Former Clinton staffer unleashes on the Office of the Special Prosecutor. Not that it’ll matter. Witch hunters don’t usually stop their witch hunt until they do the nose bit. And the hat.

Today’s entry in the “Christ, what an asshole” sweepstakes is this former Playboy centerfold.  Nice job, lady.

I’m shocked, shocked, I tell ya, to find corruption and abuse going on in a Chicago housing scheme.  Just kidding. I’d be shocked if it was only used by the people it was intended for.  Not that it would do any good then except inflate prices and cause other working poor to be priced out of the market.

Oh, for the love of fuck, can’t people stop apologizing for shit like this? I mean…ah, fuck it. Just read it yourself and give me your thoughts in the comments.

This dude right here makes Bear Grylls look like a little bitch. Seriously, this man should never have to buy himself a drink again for the rest of his life.

And in local news, people are starting to blame “bullying” rather than the piece of shit person who pulled the trigger in the school shooting rampage just south of town.

For the birthday boy.

Have a great start to your week, friends!

I know there are a lot of Glibs Caps fans out there. So I won’t dwell on last night’s game too much.  But I gotta say, they should call the DC Police on Andrei Vasilevskiy for grand larceny.  Jesus, I haven’t seen a performance between the pipes like that since that stupid, twitchy asshole Patrick Roy tore through the playoffs with Les Canadiens that one year (I can’t be arsed to look it up, but I’m sure somebody will refresh my memory). Or maybe Dominic Hasek in his golden years.  Suffice to say, if they fail to win this series, the Capitals will look to this game as the reason why.

No basketball, because the NBA needs 4 days between playoff games.  What, are the players walking from Boston to Cleveland?  COME ON!!!!! Also, The Dodgers won a game to avoid being swept by the Marlins after they were swept in 4 by the Reds. The defending NL Champs are 2 games ahead of having the worst record in the entire National League. Elsewhere, the first place Astros were off yesterday.

IF you have a birthday today, you share it with Tsar Nicholas II, last Tsar of Russia, Crown Prince Ruprecht, filmmaker Frank Capra, Tennis player and clothier to Mods Fred Perry, the last rally great pontiff, Saint John Paul II, “Mr October” Reggie Jackson, Chinese actor Chow Yun Fat, Canadien hero Jari Kurri, rapper Rob Base, sometimes funny woman Tina Fey and my brother.

It was also the day Napoleon was declared Emperor by the French Senate. Christopher Marlowe, author of such plays as Othello and The Merchant Of Venice, is arrested for heresy. Great Britain declares war on France (for the umpteenth time) in 1756, Britain declares war on France in 1803. And Dracula is published in London.

You get all that?  Good!  Now its time for…the links!

Trump to cut government funding for elective medical procedure.  Good! Unless you’re an empowered woman, who freaks out because you might have to pay for your own medical care.

Wow, what the fuck is wrong with people? He gets points for honesty in describing things.  The writer of the story loses points for dishonest reporting in trying to tie guns to the killings as more than just a tool the killer used.

And I think its gonna be a long, long time…before this guy gets out of jail.

Holy shit! An Illinois politician tries to stem the tide of gun grabbing assholery. Did I wake up in bizarro world?

Companies anxious to get sued send products to Charlotte, NC.  Seriously, who in their right mind, in this litigious age, would just put electric scooters out there for people to rent at their own convenience on busy city streets and sidewalks?  They’ll be bankrupt within a year.

Say cheese…you stupid, drunk asshole.

And I bet this was an awkward visit to the veterinarian.  I mean…yeah.

Bonus link: new small business opens in Houston area.

A classic from the birthday boy.

Th-, th-, th-, that’s all folks!

Well that was a short weekend.  And a short time at home for me.  Back on the road again today for a few days at a minimum.

You know who wishes they could do what I have to do and spend a lot of time away from home?  The Tampa Bay Lightning, that’s who.  They got freight-trained in games 1 and 2 of the Wales Conference Finals, having fallen yesterday to the Capitals 6-2 at home.  And yesterday probably wasn’t as close as the score indicated.  The Capitals were toying with them.  Just toying with them.  Meanwhile, in the Campbell Conference Finals, the J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets! got off to a fantastic start against Army/Vegas on Saturday, doubling up the Black or Golden Knights 4-2 to take the first game of the series.  The second game is tonight, and Vegas better pull their collective head out of their collective ass or they’re gonna find themselves in the same boat the Lightning are in.  And that boat is sinking fast.

Over in the NBA, the Fighting LeBrons found out that a young Celtics team is probably not going to be intimidated by them as long as James is held to shooting outside under pressure.  Game 1 was an ass-kicking by the Celtics.  The WCF starts tonight.

And the Dodgers just got swept in a 4 game series at home.  By the fucking Cincinnati Reds, who are arguably the worst team in baseball not residing on the South Side of Chicago.  My what it must feel like to be a fan of that team, what with all the lofty expectations with everyone returning and the shit-talking about how the Astros stole the World Series last year.  Hang in there, guys!

Oh, the Astros are in first in their division and have reeled off 6 of 7, by the way. And have given up a ridiculously low 111 runs so far this season, which is 40 better than their closest AL competitor.  Huh, maybe defense (and a kickass rotation) does win games after all.

And in soccer, the EPL wrapped yesterday, with Swansea going down and Liverpool nabbing the fourth UCL spot for next year after thrashing Brighton. Mo Salah (Egyptian King) broke the EPL season goal-scoring record for 38 games and Chelsea and Arsenhole will be enjoying Thursday European football in the fall. In fact, the UCL, with the exception of Spurs, will reside exclusively in the northwest.  Sorry, London, but your teams suck.

Born on this date were Star Wars creator (and destroyer) George Lucas, filmmaker Robert Zemeckis, Talking Head David Byrne, actor Tim Roth, bassist Mike Inez, annoying woman Cate Blanchett, and dickhead billionaire/conspirer with government Mark Zuckerberg.

Its also the day the first English settlement in the new world was established at Jamestown. And the day the delegates met in Philly to draw up the constitution (probably to boos, if I know anything about Philly-man). Lewis and Clark left St Louis for the west coast. Israel declared independence. And finally, the last Seinfeld episode aired and managed to disappoint everyone in America.

You get all that?  Good. Because it ran on for too long anyway, so I ain’t got time to repeat it.  Instead, I need to hurry on and get to…the links!

Play stupid games, like invading a sovereign nation, win stupid prizes.  I swear, if they spent half the time worrying about their own infrastructure and economy rather than destroying someone else’s, they might have solved for cold fusion by now. Or at least figured out how to build a coal-powered electrical plant and operate it without outside help.

It would appear that advertisers are finally figuring out that people outside of NYC and California might actually consume goods and services and that targeting them might result in increased sales.

The result is that marketers are now making concerted efforts to learn more about Americans who live outside New York and California. HP’s recent research on marketing and political identity included visits to the swing-state cities of Cincinnati and Detroit. Late last year, the ad agency Y&R, using a division of the firm that had previously overseen cultural immersion projects in Myanmar and Ecuador, deployed strategists to immerse themselves in cities like Indianapolis and Milwaukee, Wis.