Author: Old Man With Candy

After the rickrolling incident a few weeks back, I wondered if I should do the same thing today. Y’know, make all the links go to goatse or lemonparty or the like. But no, I am a kind (((man))), one who cares about the people who carefully read and comment on the news stories I curate. Fuck, who am I kidding? Click at your own risk.

The parallel theme here is mediocrity, which engulfed SP and me last night. After much pressure from Sloopy, Francisco d’Anconia, and Swiss, we caved and decided to watch Jaws, which both of us had managed to avoid. This was part of a drinking session involving a Viognier from Tuscany (which I was dubious about, Viognier is a fickle grape that only seems to do well in Condrieu, but the wine dealer seemed adamant that we’d like it). I’ll report the same reaction to the wine and the movie- neither were good, but neither were bad enough to be fun. So I’ll do some mediocre links. No titties, no bizarre sex stories, no Philippine crucifixions. Maybe a shark attack, though.

I’m not sure why anyone still pays any attention to Trump’s brain-lint Twitter shit, but they do. Here’s the latest: Donnie hates Amazon. Who gives a fuck? Cats. Laser pointers. Yawn.

Another yawner: someone inconsequential says something stupid on Facebook, then the Twitter-mob descends, doing their best to ruin their life for Crimethink.

Ted Nugent is a fine guitarist, but like every other entertainer, ought to just entertain us and shut the fuck up. He’s right, of course, but still. Shut up and play yer guitar.

Goddammit, I miss all the fun! I do note the irony regarding the quantity…

Not exactly news, but recent thoughts from a brilliant guy. Listen to the whole thing. And this, too.

Basic personal liberty is being treated with contempt by our government.

One thing my ancestral land excels at is producing much better looking politicians than the US does. They’re just as dishonest and muddle-headed, but at least easier on the eyes than Nancy Pelosi or Patty Murray. This particular one wants to halt all defensive action while spending huge resources in dissecting a propaganda film from a source with a long track record of fakery (remember Muhammed Durra?)

OK, you asked for it (no, you didn’t , but let me live in my illusions) and here it is: Old Guy Music, this time with my favorite flugelhorn player paired with my favorite big band. Smokin’!

I survived the first night of Passover, despite the mandatory four glasses minimum of wine. We opened the door for Elijah, but made sure to lock it afterward, given that the countryside is fraught with marauders. And I’m prepared for the usual weekend ritual of chasing off Catholics, Jehovah’s Bystanders, and assorted Evangelicals who come to the door to try to lead me astray from the vicious arms of Yahweh. And a week of eating matzo brei, which I’d probably hate if I weren’t raised on it. But I was, so I crave it.

OK, what’s relevant in the news? In my ancestral land, the Arabs continue their quest for this year’s Darwin Award. And in its usual way, the UN re-enacts the “two wolves and a sheep vote on what’s for dinner.”

Related: Jordan goes ape-shit because Jews have the temerity to celebrate Passover at the site of their ancient Temple. This of course is a total affront to Muslim sensibilities.

I can’t help but say it: you goyim are fucking nuts. My idea of celebration is drinking, eating, music, sex. Goyim have a somewhat different approach.

Speaking of fucking nuts, the only really good news of the week was the faint possibility that the US might get out of Syria, one of 23 countries where we have troops and one of seven countries where Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama waged shooting wars despite the total absence of a defense need. So of course, CNN has decided that this would be a horrible thing because Trump. (Not that I think it will actually happen until I see it)

Old Guy Music! I saw there was a discussion last night about urinal etiquette and it reminded me of something that happened in the late 1970s. I was at a small jazz club in Baltimore (it was a vanity business run at a huge loss by local Chevy dealer Harry Gladding bringing in top jazz talent) seeing Richie Cole. Now, for those of you unfamiliar, Cole is from the West Coast Phil Woods school of bop alto players, with a HUGE sound and insane energy; even ballads are the musical equivalent of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. After the first set, I was exhausted just listening- and desperately in the need to drain my lizard. I made my way over to the bathroom, stepped up the the urinal, unzipped, and let fly. As I irrigated the porcelain, I noticed that Cole was unloading at the next pisser. In my best Chris Farley manner, I said, “Wow, great show!” In a cool hipster tone, he responded, “Thanks, man. Anything you want to hear?” I thought for a second and said, “Harold’s House of Jazz?” “Sure, man, but instrumental, none of us can sing.”

And when he came out, he said to the pickup band (which featured Steve Novosel), “Same chords as Cherokee,” and unleashed the torrent. This is the studio version with the brilliant scat singer, Eddie Jefferson, and Cole’s 20,000 volt solo starts at around 2:30 or so.

I have taken some flak recently about putting too much spice into the links, and requested to tone down the flavor. And eliminate the wine, which is a horrible beverage having distractingly large amounts of flavor. So today, I’m keeping it soft and bland, just to not offend anyone. If the prose is disturbing, then look at the nice, bland images to relax and calm the sensory overload. And I will not mention the delightful Dolcetto d’Alba that SP, Webdominatrix, and I drank last night with their welcome home dinner. That said, on to the news of the day, with the usual snark, though toned down out of consideration for sensitive Glibs.

 

As astroturfed high schoolers get wall-to-wall media coverage in their desire to have kind and gracious government calmly and reasonably disarm it citizens in complete defiance of the constitution, they unsurprisingly claim that their voices are being stifled. Yeah, the cops came in and quashed the demonstrations immediately and TV news crews stayed resolutely away. Suuuure.

“I don’t like fearing that I’m going to die walking into school every day and I don’t like telling my mom that I’m afraid I’m going to die walking into school – I feel like change should happen,” 14-year-old freshman Alex Barbro said.

I agree, Alex. And the first change I’d suggest is mandatory courses in probability theory and a good dose of training in Pareto analysis. Some reading of Hayek might be nice, but that might be a bridge too far.

 

There’s a stereotype that (((we))) tend to be smarter than average. If you want a counter-argument, look no further than this. A sample gem:

In the US, while gun advocates say weapons are needed for self-defense, it is hard to avoid the impression that guns have become something of a hobby or a sport. Shooting is an activity many brag about. Just witness the many videos posted on social media showing Americans at gun ranges shooting all types of firearms, and in their backyards, demonstrating the merits or drawbacks of a recently acquired handgun.

The horrors! Of course, there’s all the usual stupidity- the assumption that school shootings are epidemic, the conflation of random nutjob stuff with targeted killings over girls and drugs, the culture of inner cites versus rural… but the shock and surprise that there are people who find guns to be fun is absolutely precious.

 

Here’s a tale of a happy family with multigenerational togetherness. Surprisingly, it’s not Florida.

 

Do NOT fuck around when people in a state with legal weed get the munchies.

 

Those wacky scientists, always getting baffled by the stupidest shit.

 

Old Guy Music! I’ve recently discovered Courtney Hartman, who does fantastic country, bluegrass, and folk, while having an image that is not exactly mainstream Nashville. That’s a compliment. Anyway, here’s a delightful solo cover of a Tom Petty favorite, and for my usual embedded video, a duet with the great Robert Ellis. I really love how smoothly and effortlessly they trade off the shredding. Sorry, this one isn’t bland.

 

After two weeks in Florida, SP is coming back today. This has put me in a fury of scouring the house, making sure there’s no tell-tale evidence of my activities while she was gone. You know, stuff left behind “accidentally.” Like the last time, when she discovered some Barbie dolls that weren’t hers. That took creative explaining…

Anyway, that does not slow down the rush of news, nor my obligation to post links no-one will read, with snarky comments that will fall flat without knowing what they’re about. But there’s plenty of room below for telling the world about your newly-discovered genital warts, how your cat just puked up half a squirrel, and links to numerous photos of the art made possible by Dow-Corning. Because, to paraphrase the sadly-still-with-us Barack Obama, that’s who we are.

Let’s start with a rather remarkable contrast. In the US, when faced with a gunman who is killing people inside a building, the cops will cower outside until it’s safe to go in. In France, nation of cheese-eating surrender monkeys, this is what the cops do.

Truly, I am a horrible human being for just not caring all that much about shit like this. I have to admire the minuscule fraction of soi disant “trans” people, who in the past few years may have set new records in amount of media and government fretting per capita.

OK, I was going to snark about the self-indulgent meaninglessness of this, but on reflection, it’s just as effective and far less cruel than advocating for putting people in cages and allowing others to suffer extreme pain for your own feeling of moral satisfaction.

Team Red shows its dedication to principle yet again. And again as well.

Epic trolling, and all I can think about is shakshuka.

A new meaning for “to Godwin someone.”

Old Guy Music! Famous band, but not a famous song, and I have no idea why not. As a teenager, I spent many evenings around various smoking appliances with this as a soundtrack.

You may have been able to tell that the Glibs staff all got pretty shitfaced yesterday and were a bit neglectful. But today is a different day and I’m proudly wearing my “12 Hours Sober” badge. That may or may not last. OK, it won’t, but let me pretend for at least a few hours.

 

This is how libertarians are created.

In accordance with the Safe Schools Initiative, the Zero Tolerance For Guns Act, P.L. 1995 and its companion C.128 and the Lacey Township School Board’s Zero Tolerance Policy, any student who is reported to be in possession of a weapon of any type for any reason or purpose whether on or off school grounds during the academic year shall be disciplined as follows…

 

I guess I don’t see the problem here. But I wouldn’t, would I. Here’s a related story, so to speak.

‘I like my Starbucks like I like my women: short, thick and white,” Sammy recalled.

 

Danny Davis is still trying to thread the needle. His dancing is a wonder to behold. Bonus: pic of that nutbag Florida congresschimp who wears designer cowboy hats.

 

It still absolutely cracks me up to see so-called liberals rushing to defend the honor and integrity of our corrupt National Police Force and its various jackboots.  I swear, if Trump condemned child torture, the TDS crowd would reflexively defend it. I am sincerely puzzled- there’s so much real shit about the Trump administration to criticize, and yet they grab onto this.

 

This is a bit strange. OK, more than a bit. I will never understand Afghan psychology, no matter how many bombs we drop.

 

Keep it classy, Progressives! (In this case, of the South African variety, taking some time off from land confiscation)

 

Old Guy Music! SP and I saw John Hiatt a year or two ago in a two-man show with Lyle Lovett. It was delightful, but he didn’t play my favorite song of his. I am here to rectify this oversight.

As I sit here at the age of 63, working my ass off, no chance of retirement in sight, I cry many tears for this poor guy who won’t get a six figure pension for life starting at age 49, all because he did shit that would have gotten him instantly fired (or even prosecuted) anywhere other than government service. This is so sad, he sacrificed so much for the good of his country.

I have something less than zero interest in the Little League “sports” that seem to fascinate so many. Back in the 1970s, I attended an obscure little university that had no sports teams, no fraternities or sororities, but offered outstanding academics and (if you had the right major and could survive- the attrition rate was like 80%) an almost certain guarantee of admission into top medical and graduate schools. Apparently, things have changed there, and I’m supposed to be excited about it. Feh, one more reason to not donate money to them when they come begging every year.

Here’s a story where I hate everyone, other than the poor turtle. The wanton and casual cruelty of bureaucrats is on full display. In other animal news, United Airlines has decided that it wants to go after the police departments’ record.

This is getting boring. I mean, at this point, why not just start drawing names randomly out of a hat?

Will it take a broken hip to rid us of this woman? 

Old Guy Music, you can’t avoid it! Today, the greatest songwriter you never heard of. And that voice… it haunts.

Well, after a day of sheer hell at work yesterday, I get to face yet another today. I had to miss the superb wine post of Pie’s, HM’s evisceration of noted public intellectual Stephen Pinker, and rest of the general merriment. But dammit, NOTHING is going to prevent me from haunting you with Links this morning. And I avoided any bad-pun references to the Ides of March, so you can thank me for that.

And there are some interesting events. People are making a very big deal out of the ultra-thin victory by Team Blue in a purported Team Red area (that, ahem, went big for Obama in 2012). It was delightful to hear the pissing and moaning on Hate Radio, with most of the blame being directed at… the Libertarian candidate, who apparently stole votes that were rightfully Team Red’s. Memo to Team Red: if you want libertarian votes, run candidates who aren’t horrible on liberty. And let me introduce you to a libertarian friend of mine in the area, at whom you can try to hurl invective. It will be most amusing to watch Warty quietly, calmly, and effortlessly snap you in half.

It’s tough to be a Roof.

Oklahoma reacts to disincentives and decides to kill prisoners using the same methods garages use to rip off customers who don’t understand the Ideal Gas Law. I have a more novel suggestion if the state insists on having a death penalty: dress the prisoner like a dog and let him loose near some cops.

More plastic panic as “researchers” find exactly what was expected. There’s been a growing wave of Media Reports of High Concern about how plastics are destroying the planet, the ecosystem, human health, and our American Way of Life. I swear I’m going to try to get the time to do a real article about this (it was a research specialty of mine and I’ve actually got a string of peer-reviewed papers and grants on the subject), but I’ll slip the conclusion ahead of time: as the global warning thing shows evidence of petering out, this will be the next political abuse of science to panic the public and be a theme for aspiring Team Blue politicos.

Someone shows poor Judge-ment.

Old Guy Music, as if you didn’t expect it. A rather libertarian song from someone who very decidedly isn’t.

Day Two of my Bachelor Life. The house is a mess, dirty laundry is piled up, and sammiches are unmade. Oh, and I have an unrequited boner. By the time SP gets back, this place will look like Fred Sanford’s yard and my balls will be the color of a giraffe’s tongue. No matter, I shoved the wreckage from my last six meals onto the floor so I could get to my laptop and post links.

The Most Libertarian President Ever says that he doesn’t want to put drug dealers in cages like his predecessors did. The crowd responds lovingly.

But on Saturday his call for executing drug dealers got some of the most enthusiastic cheers of the night. As Trump spoke about policies on the issue in China and Singapore, dozens of people nodded their heads in agreement. “We love Trump,” one man yelled. A woman shouted: “Pass it!”

In the famous words of The New Yorker, “Christ, what an asshole.”

 

Kamala Harris does her best to assure Jews that she’s not like Danny Davis, Al Sharpton, Keith Ellison, and Jesse Jackson.  And that she can transparently pander to donors with the best of them.

“As a child, I never sold Girl Scout cookies, I went around with a Jewish National Fund box collecting funds to plant trees in Israel.”

Sure, Kammy, sure you did. I’d rather have the Thin Mints.

 

Do not fuck with Katy Perry. Just… don’t. It won’t be healthy for you, know what I mean?

 

Continuing yesterday’s man-pig theme, there’s this story out of Argentina.

The deformed animal was spotted next to its mother after she gave birth to eight piglets in the area of Santo Domingo in Santiago del Estero Province. But it died a few hours after birth when it had trouble breathing on March 7.

Its deformities are believed to be caused by pesticides and GM crops.

 

Q Joins The Marines. But here’s the bad news (emphasis mine):

The new website contains 267 of the images, which are too explicit to share, and appears to involve women from all branches of the military.

 

And as part of The Glibertarians’ commitment to public service, here’s News You Can Use.

 

Old Guy Music! And I’ll simply say that if more Country & Western music were like this, we’d be living in a far better world. This is raw, genuine, unadorned, and… real.

SP and Webdominatrix are on a road trip to visit my mother in Del Boca Vista. This leaves me all alone here, and, rascal that I am, hijinx are ensuing. While they spent last night drinking with SugarFree as he spun yarns of horror, I was taking more direct action.

Anyway, enough about us, let’s look at what’s going on in the world.

 

Does this sound familiar?  Brave officers of the law wait outside, while inside a killer does his thing. But all of our heroes in blue got home safely, so that’s the important thing. This, of course, could not have actually happened in California, because they have gun laws which should be a model for the rest of us. And “Wong” does not sound like the name of a young white male, and we all know they’re the only ones who do this shit.

 

I suspect that not many here need convincing that any politician named Kennedy is presumably a boneheaded drunk who is a danger to any women nearby. But Joe Kennedy III may have won the prize, showing that Team Blue icons don’t even bother pretending any more. They are statist thugs, through and through, who are happy to put people in cages for offending their own set of preferences.

Recalling his days working as a state prosecutor when Massachusetts voted in 2008 to decriminalize marijuana, Kennedy said the decision affected the ability of police officers to search and seize other illegal items, such as guns, from vehicles. “If you smelled [marijuana] in a car, you could search a car,” Kennedy said. “When it became decriminalized, you couldn’t do that.”

My suggestion to young Joe is to take a convertible ride through Dealy Plaza. Nice and slowly.

 

WTF are the Browns doing? Trying to win a game next year???

 

I remember that this was a big story when I was a teenager, but it was a guy on LSD, which was the Panic Drug at the time. Turned out to be an urban legend. So I’m kinda skeptical that this one is real.

Katy Tompkins, mother to Kaylee and six other kids, said she supposes Kaylee first began utilized meth inadvertently a year ago, when somebody gave her cannabis bound with the medication.

So we get a Drug Panic Two-Fer.

 

I read the Kurt Vonnegut book. This did not end well. Busy, busy, busy!

 

Old Guy Music! This is not only funny, it is some fucking terrific guitar playing.

Too often, we say things without really thinking or considering their overall social impact. Of this I was guilty, and SugarFree justifiably suspended me from substitute links duty for two days so I could think it over. The Founders sat me in a chair and went through my shortcomings as a human and as someone who has a duty to set an example of exemplary behavior. After 72 hours of non-stop criticism and struggle, with no let-up for sleep, I finally came to understand the depths of my counter-revolutionary offenses. I shall endeavor to do better henceforth. I also agreed to stop masturbating into the potted plants in our staff office.

And so, on this International Women’s Day, we mark the fall of this former hero of the progressive right-thinkers. Coming next, Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize striped from him for starting five new wars, slaughtering civilians, and destroying sovereign countries who never attacked us… oh yeah, right, like that’s gonna happen.

I think I’m beginning to understand why I find the Trump presidency so off-putting- it really is being run like a reality TV show, and I am (to put it mildly) not a fan of reality TV shows.

Speaking of “entertainment,” how do we make something that’s already stupid even worse. Oh, I know! Or even worse, take something that was really good and needed nothing else and… add something else. (Disclaimer: Even though we loved Breaking Bad, we were quite happy with Better Call Saul. Consistency is not my leading virtue.)

I like this kid, though I wonder if he shot any dogs or groped any girls he pulled over.

Wasn’t this a Seinfeld?

This is my kind of political candidate. And this, dear friends, is MY kind of band.