Author: Old Man With Candy

Having returned from my New England sojourn, I am prepared to bring you the best, most interesting, and most compelling links to the most important news stories of the day. This will allow you the opportunity to post recycled outrage stories, titty pix, and endless discussions of Eurotrash “sports.” My return was not without some unwanted adventure. As I feared, SP’s babysitter was a wee bit too indulgent, though I admit that she’s easy to spoil. The photo above is what I returned to find, and lesson learned- leaving the babysitter with one of my credit cards for emergency use is not without risk.

In history, today is the birthday of the great actor Lionel Barrymore and the remarkably pretentious chef Alice Waters. Also, Ann-Margaret, Marcia Strassman, and my mother, who will celebrate the day with Publix roast chicken on the menu. Anyway, an interesting news day.

The FISA court’s warrant request rejection rate has climbed precipitously from extremely rare to very rare. So basically, the 4th Amendment is still a joke and this court is still a rubber stamp, but with a small nick on one edge. Secret courts staffed by secret people, holding secret hearings about secret matters- welcome to America.

As if it were needed, James Clapper again is shown to be one of the most horribly dishonest and duplicitous human beings on this continent.

This had to be an amazingly painful headline for CNN to write.

“Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!”

Not good news for me, and that explains why responses to my videos are down sharply. I’m setting up a work-around, though.

Every once in a while, I’m proud of my erstwhile home city. I do enjoy how sports figures don’t even blink when they defend free speech by other players, but oppose it by the people who pay the money that pays their enormous salaries.

Of course, mass school killings only happen in gun-happy America, right?

And now, more Old Guy music for y’all to ignore. In this instance, the greatest (and I would argue, the most quintessentially American) composer and band leader with my favorite male vocalist, who headed jazz towards a much more R&B sound and could arguably be called the father of that genre. Fun fact: Al Hibbler couldn’t read music. Of course, being blind was an impediment to that… There’s no credits, but I’ll bet that the sax solo was Johnny Hodges.

I’ve spent this week on a business trip to New England, and am currently in the Colony of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations, fittingly the longest state name among the 57 states for the runt of the litter. I have gotten some interesting history lessons from my associates here, the most amusing of which (to me) was the SJW attempt about 10 years ago to have the state renamed because it sounded racist. That attempt was a spectacular electoral failure, which increases my respect for Rhode Island’s denizens. It is especially ironic considering Roger Williams’s own life and history, which was as a strong advocate for the local casino-not-call-center Indians, enough so to arouse the ire of the nearby Massholes. Rhode Island today is apparently a Mafia colony, which explains why it has traditionally had the highest protection money taxes in the nation.

Anyway, I’ll spend my last hours here putting up links before returning home- and I hope that SP hasn’t spent her entire allowance on more Barbie stuff while I was gone. The babysitter is supposed to watch these things, but teenagers today seem to have lost much of their sense of responsibility.

Today in history is quite momentous. It is the anniversary of the founding of the Gestapo and of the Ehrfurt mass school shooting in Germany (which I am assured never happens in Europe because of common-sense gun laws). It is also the birthday of Sal “The Barber” Maglie, Bernard Malamud (my favorite Jew-writer), Rudolph Hess (everyone’s favorite Nazi), Ma Rainey (today’s featured image), and David Hume.

In today’s news…

 

TDS Of The Day. And some delightful irony tossed in.

The lawyer representing The Happiest Hour, Elizabeth Conway, argued that he was not discriminated against because only religious – not political – beliefs are protected under state and city discrimination law. “Supporting Trump is not a religion,” Conway argued.

 

Don’t fuck with Microsoft. Just… don’t.

Although restore disks are given to everyone who buys a computer with a licensed version of Windows (and can be downloaded for free), Microsoft decided to press criminal charges against Lundgren for distributing the disks, which he did to help people keep their computers running longer. Microsoft argued that this free-to-download software was worth $25 per disk, which the court accepted.

 

The New York Times never gets tired of running Rednecks In the Mist stories. Today’s delight examines the ubiquitous phenomenon of Waffle House, with a wonderfully wide-eyed contempt because they feature racism served six ways.

 

Ford will stop making and selling cars in the US. Except, apparently, the Mustang. Apparently, stupid rednecks who hate the Earth only want to drive pick-ups and muscle cars. We really do need more regulations to make sure that people’s freedom to choose does not include wrong choices.

 

Oh, those wacky Jews are at it again! This time, killing a fine family man who only wanted to improve life for his impoverished people.

 

OK, a weekday edition of Old Guy Music, this time from the days when Fleetwood Mac was actually an interesting band. The band I was in covered this song, so every time I hear it, my fingers start twitching in sympathetic memory.

 

Last night, SP and I continued our Frank Capra kick by re-screening the great 1936 classic Mr. Deeds Goes To Town. It was a perfect Capra film, with The Little Guy against the forces of corruption, adoring crowds, hats thrown in the air, and Jean Arthur, who likely got some exposure to a Hollywood legend, the profound penis of Gary Cooper. Comedy, romance, betrayal, it had it all. Fun fact: this movie was responsible for a now-common neologism, “to doodle.”

Uh, that’s a word we made up back home for people who make foolish designs on paper when they’re thinking: it’s called doodling. Almost everybody’s a doodler; did you ever see a scratchpad in a telephone booth? People draw the most idiotic pictures when they’re thinking. Uh, Dr. von Hallor here could probably think up a long name for it, because he doodles all the time.

And delightfully, the progressive millionaire gives away his own money instead of going after everyone else’s.

From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there will always be leaders and always be followers. It’s like the road out in front of my house. It’s on a steep hill. Every day I watch the cars climbing up. Some go lickety-split up that hill on high, some have to shift into second, and some sputter and shake and slip back to the bottom again. Same cars, same gasoline, yet some make it and some don’t. And I say the fellas who can make the hill on high should stop once in a while and help those who can’t. That’s all I’m trying to do with this money. Help the fellas who can’t make the hill on high.

This really is one of my favorite movies ever. It’s perfect. Much better than Jaws.

OK, I’ll leave movie criticism to the pros like our good Lt Fish, but I did want to plug something great. Oh, and pizza and wine because it was Saturday night.

Now that it’s Sunday morning, I’d best sober up and crank out some links, since no-one else is gonna do it.

 

I’m always amused, in a sick way, at the amount of power that the Left hands to the insanely tiny minority of losers in life who cling to actual racism to justify their own lack of achievement. One more example. In the meantime, they keep electing actual bigots and even give them high positions in the Team Blue power structure…

 

Another story where I hate everybody– the Trump administration, the Iranians, the idiots who go visit there and are shocked when they’re predictably imprisoned by a ruthless and dictatorial regime to be used as pawns.

 

As much disdain as I have for the Donald, the TDS crowd is even more contempt-worthy. But at least it all provides laughs and entertainment.

There’s no southern White House. This is a dog whistle. The whole south will rise BS. They lost. They have no WH. Before he called it the Winter WH. Now Southern? It’s all about making the racist south supporters believe that he’s with them. He knows it’s going down soon.

 

And in the Department of Nutpunch, brave men in blue, officer safety, procedures were followed, everyone got to go home safely. Except the poor kid who died, of course, but that’s just a civilian.

 

Ahhh, Starbucks, you never disappoint!

 

We always joke about common sense knife control. But I see a trend here…

 

EDIT: Breaking news, too good to miss!

 

Old Guy Music! For whatever reason, I fell into a drummer rabbit hole yesterday and started watching videos with all my favorites: Roy Haynes, Elvin Jones, Charlie Persip, Ed Thigpen… but the one that really captivated me was Gene Krupa. He had almost a melodic approach to drumming, and a barely controlled wild intensity that reminded me of the greatest rock drummer ever, Keith Moon. Feast your ears- and, by the way, Lionel Hampton shows again why no-one should ever bother trying to play vibes again since perfection has been reached.

SP and I greatly love watching classic movies, which is why we have trouble taking crap like Jaws or Rocky seriously. Though we did imagine a mashup where the grunting midget gets eaten by the big rubber fish. I remember as a kid that when I’d go to movie theaters in black neighborhoods, it was perfectly OK, if not expected, that the audience would vocally interact with the characters on the screen to an extent that I didn’t see in (say) our Jewish neighborhood. I have fond memories of the horror triple features on Saturday afternoons at the Biddle Theater. “LOOK OUT, HONEY, HE HIDING BEHIND THE DOOR!”

It is fun, I admit, to have an outspokenly libertarian wife who, with a few drinks in her, will do as much yelling at the screen as did my fellow Baltimoreans, though with a slightly different viewpoint. Last night, we watched the old and wonderful epic Robin Hood, packed to the gills with my favorite actors- though unfortunately lacking Spring Byington. SP did not disappoint. “FUCK OFF, SLAVER!” “WHY DO YOU EVEN FUCKING NEED A KING?” “SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE AND KILL THE GUY ALREADY!” “WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALL FEASTING WHEN THERE’S STARVING PEOPLE IN THE COPSE NEXT TO YOU? IS THAT YOUR REVOLUTIONARY PROGRESSIVISM???”

She is indeed a demure delight.

Anyway, enough with the shit that amused me, let’s see what today’s news brings us.

 

When you’re dealing with crazy, it helps to act even crazier. This seems to have actually had an effect.

 

Apparently, rubbernecking at a corpse is a popular past-time.

 

Surprise, surprise, Hamas still likes doin’ the thing it does so very well. This time, the “He’s just a yoot, he din do nuffin!” gambit and their own unique take on 4/20. But in exchange for having a bunch of their dumber people killed, they did have a major accomplishment- driving away Natalie Portman. Totally worth it, guys, keep up the good work!

 

Illinois may consider importing its next governor, just to keep alive our fine traditions. And on the same theme, Washington, DC may have found its next city councilman. Read the comments, they are a delight.

 

How’s that gun control working out for you, California?

 

If Twin Cities drivers are as frighteningly bad as the ones here in Chicagoland, I have total sympathy here.

 

And inevitably, Old Guy Music. And holy shit, what a lineup! If you want to know why Charlie Parker is a god, here’s the evidence.

With Sloopy on a bender this week and unable to even see the keyboard, much less type, it has fallen to the rest of us to fill in. Since Brett has been doing double duty, I’m stepping into this steaming pile in his stead. Herewith, the scrapings from the bottom of my shoe:

 

My last conversation with my favorite communist folk singer, he assured me, no question, no doubts whatsoever, that by the summer, we were going to be in a nuclear war with North Korea because of Twitter. “You’ll be sorry that you thought there really wasn’t any difference between Trump and a true statesman like Hillary so threw your vote away on a third party.”  How’s that workin’ out?

 

I shouldn’t be as amused by this as I am. But I am. I’m just not a nice person. Nonetheless, I stand by my prediction that Harris will be the Team Blue presidential nominee in the next cycle. Delightful moment:

On Thursday, Harris was taking audience questions when a man stepped to the mic and zeroed in on her fundraising methods. “If a corporation or a corporate lobbyist wants to give you money for a campaign,” he asked, “will you tell them, ‘Thanks, but no thanks’?”

“Well, it depends,” Harris replied. “It depends.”

The questioner, his arms crossed at the waist, declared this the “wrong answer.”

 

Riddle: what happens when a Minnesota Woman becomes a Florida Woman? Answer: This. While we’re on the subject, the Matriarchy seems to have its own shitlords. Not Florida, but as close as you can get without actually being in Florida.

 

How perfect. Your government, the most efficient and competent organization of all time.

 

I guess this is Starbucks week.

 

The story is amusing. The comments are even more amusing, all variants of “The First Amendment doesn’t apply to people we don’t like.”

 

News You Can Use!

 

And en fin, Old Guy Music, the one and only tune that would be appropriate here.

As I read through this morning’s news, I kept thinking, “This all has to be some elaborate prank. Right now, the editorial boards of all the major media outlets are all together at a bar laughing their asses off at us.” As I hear the ice storm raging outside, I’m visualizing the “science” editors busily composing stories on how this is a sign or global warming. Well, I’m inside, I’m warm, and I have grappa in my coffee, so… here’s some of the stories that caught my attention.

I shouldn’t be amazed at the lionization of the notoriously violent and corrupt Winnie Mandela by the Left, but somehow, I can’t help but be. This story was perfect.

Members of the governing party’s women’s league, wearing green and black, who attended Madikizela-Mandela’s memorial service this past week ululating in the stands of the stadium, added: “She didn’t die, she multiplied” to their tuneful chants.

This refrain has caught fire.

C’mon, are you going to tell me that the NPR folks aren’t in hysterics and high-fiving? In any case, if she is indeed multiplying, I strongly advise buying stock in Goodyear, Michelin, Hangkook, and Cooper.

 

Speaking of fire, here’s another one that got the editors in giggling fits. I could make the obvious lawyer jokes (“A good start!”) but good taste prevents me from doing so. Regarding a protest against fossil fuels that adds a load of CO2 to the atmosphere, I could say, “The irony, it burns!” but that would be needlessly cruel.

 

I have always assumed that after his shows, Art Bell would go off with his buddies who had just changed out of their space aliens costumes and have celebratory drinks. Well, Art has made the last call. You were always entertaining, and you inspired one of my favorite characters of all time, Happy Harry Cox (“They call me Happy because I am happy!”). Thanks for all the fun, Art!

 

The Pope can reliably generate null-content but nonetheless sanctimonious verbal mush.  And I also assume he giggles like a little girl once he’s off-camera. “They didn’t ask me how many divisions I have! HAHAHAHAHA!”

 

OK, Old Guy Music time yet again. I’m not a big fan of soul/funk, but I always had a soft spot for Tower of Power. And when they step out of their genre and do the blues, well… Here’s a terrific cover of an Albert King classic, with some delightfully tasty guitar work.

 

Well, I do not lack for news today, which is a good thing because I spent most of yesterday at a consumer electronics trade show, stumbling around in a daze. The only thing that sustained me was a few stiff drinks and the amusement at both the number of companies peddling blatant snake-oil and the conversations among the dummies lapping it up. Sometimes, being a scientist is painful, especially when I realize that Bill Nye and IFSL are the main sources of public education. The positive side was that the other half of the convention center was occupied by some sort of dance contest for teenage girls. Many of the attendees of the trade show (99% male) are likely going to hell now. Anyway, news:

A wise fellow once observed that while history does not repeat itself, it often rhymes. Remember when Bill Clinton would heave a couple of cruise missiles into some remote shithole when he needed a distraction from a somewhat zealous special prosecutor? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

The Donald giveth, The Donald taketh away. When he does something right, all praise to him. Though one can question the motive here, the result is a good one from a libertarian perspective. Now I can only hope he decides that opioids aren’t a crisis nor a proper issue for government to deal with- which of course is as likely as Ellen Degeneres releasing her sex tape with Mr. T.

I’m so happy that with the massive financial and regulatory crises facing Illinois, our lawmakers are fearlessly and forthrightly attaching the important issues. Especially forty years after the fact. In other local news, the gay community has reason to celebrate.

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Now back to doing something useful, like digging tunnels.

Old Guy Music, and this one will bring down the wrath of Mossad on my (((head))). I discovered Leon Thomas when I was a teenager and was fascinated by the things he did with his voice. He talked about it as an African technique, but let’s call it what it really is- yodeling. Not the pitiful shit of a Slim Whitman, this is REAL yodeling of the sort that would make Swiss swoon. Here’s a song by the great Pharaoh Sanders featuring Thomas doing his thing.

My solace is found in the poetry of Don Marquis- and my thanks to Warty for reminding me.

LEADER no more, be judged of us!
Hailed Chief, and loved, of yore—
Youth, and the faith of youth, cry out:
Leader and Chief no more!

  We dreamed a Prophet, flushed with faith,
Content to toil in pain
If that his sacrifice might be,
Somehow, his people’s gain.

  We saw a vision, and our blood
Beat red and hot and strong:
“Lead us (we cried) to war against
Some foul, embattled wrong!”

  We dreamed a Warrior whose sword
Was edged for sham and shame;
We dreamed a Statesman far above
The vulgar lust for fame.

  We were not cynics, and we dreamed
A Man who made no truce
With lies nor ancient privilege
Nor old, entrenched abuse.

  We dreamed … we dreamed … Youth dreamed
a dream!
And even you forgot
Yourself, one moment, and dreamed, too—
Struck, while your mood was hot!

  Struck three or four good blows … and then
Turned back to easier things:
The cheap applause, the blatant mob,
The praise of underlings!

  Praise … praise … was ever man so filled,
So avid still, of praise?
So hungry for the crowd’s acclaim,
The sycophantic phrase?

  O you whom Greatness beckoned to …
O swollen Littleness
Who turned from Immortality
To fawn upon Success!

  O blind with love of self, who led
Youth’s vision to defeat,
Bawling and brawling for rewards,
Loud, in the common street!

  O you who were so quick to judge—
Leader, and loved, of yore—
Hear now the judgment of our youth:
Leader and Chief no more!

And some more news to depress follows.

 

Fire in a New York skyscraper, and yes, the rabid mobs have found a way to politicize even that, and of course in the stupidest ways. Read the comments and despair of humanity.

 

Is Syria a shithole or a real shithole? They report, you decide. We need to be as far away as we can be.

Syria has called the allegations of a chemical attack a “fabrication” – as has its main ally, Russia.

I fucking hate people.

 

It’s guys like this who give my character a bad name. But I have to admit being a tiny bit amused by the denoument.

KOKH reported that he approached a woman while she swept the floor of the establishment and handed her $10. When she told him that employees were not allowed to take tips, he grabbed her crotch and her backside before telling her he’d like to see her in some red lingerie that was hanging from a stand in the store. He was 82 at the time of the alleged offenses and turned 83 in February, when charges were filed against him in connection with the incident.

 

What should the US role be in an Iran-Israel war? Answer: absolutely nothing, other than to sell weapons. For cash. But that wouldn’t have filled the article. Ah, well.

 

This is… astonishing. Just astonishing. I’ve really never seen such unawareness and derp packed into one piece.

The solution for the people of California was to reconfigure the political landscape and shift a supermajority of citizens — and by extension their elected officials — under the Democratic Party’s big tent. The natural continuum of more progressive to more moderate solutions then got worked out within the context of the only remaining functioning party. The California Democrats actually cared about average citizens, embraced the inevitable diversity of 21st-century society, weren’t afraid of real innovation, and were ready to start solving the many challenges of our time, including climate change.

 

My only other solace today is Old Guy Music, in this case a performer I love but sadly never got to see. Insane trumpet, John the Baptist to Clifford Brown’s Jesus.

 

I go away for a week and everything goes to shit. The morning links are totally generic, Brett gets too drunk to do afternoon links and punts… The only bright spots were contributions from the Glibertariat, some really fine articles. But the staff links… no. I’m thinking that the Glibs staff really does need adult supervision. Well, dammit, I’m back and I’m not going to wuss on you.

Before diving in, I wanted to mention a fascinating documentary that SP and I watched last night on Netflix, The Man Who Would Be Polka King, the story of Jan Lewan, a polka star who ran a Ponzi scheme (even managing to bribe the Vatican). Much better than Jaws. Three things jumped out at us, which may or may not have been intended. First, as always, the people who got taken were a combination of gullible and greedy. No one ever thought to question why someone offered them 12% (or later, 20%) interest on an investment in a market where 3-5% was the norm. The second thing was the question of why this is even a crime, rather than a civil tort (and as libertarians, our reactions were certainly, “Because government-as-Daddy”). And the third thing was that clearly the people who came across as the most evil and vindictive were the government folks- especially the ADA from Delaware who put a non-violent offender in a maximum security prison, later leading to his throat being slashed. Every time she appeared on screen, my skin crawled.

OK, sorry, this isn’t supposed to be a movie review, but after last week’s debacle, I wanted to plug a film that actually was thought-provoking and had redeeming qualities beyond a hilariously awful rubber fish. And as a hat-tip to Sloopy, I’ll mention that the Orioles, despite looking like it’s going to be a long and sucky season, came into New York and hammered the Evil Empire twice.

On the same theme as my mini-movie review, here’s more creepy government overreach. We can’t possibly have free markets or people might buy and sell things that Daddy doesn’t approve of. Plus extra vindictiveness. Really, the FBI should have been sunset out decades ago, and wiping their asses with the First Amendment is once again a demonstration that lust for power and control will always trump the oath to follow the constitution.

 

The cut of this guy’s jib, I like it.

” … (H)he chose to take the gun out and put it on the table not knowing if any of us had mental health issues,” said Lori Carter, a schoolteacher from Charlotte, N.C., told the newspaper. “What was to prevent me from leaning across the table to take that gun?”

Go ahead, Lori, give it a try. The consequences would be amusing.

 

Why do I think that this will not turn out to be quite how the WaPo is positioning it? Am I overly cynical? Hahahahaha… no. In the meantime, the Palestinian version of Emma Gonzalez is working every angle she can. Good luck with that project.

 

“Bernie beclowns himself” seems to be a consistent theme. Or is he just getting tax tips from Reverend Al? The outrage that resulted is truly the funniest part.

 

I shouldn’t find this funny. But I do. Schadenfreude is not a pretty emotion, but I’m not a pretty guy.

 

Before getting to Old Guy Music, I wanted to give a quick thanks to the KC area Glibs who joined me for a really nice evening, a welcome relief from my work tedium. That said, Old Guy Music, this time featuring the delightful Albanie Falletta, accompanied by one of my favorite bass players, Ryan Gould, and the superb J.D. Pendley on lead guitar.