Glibertarians.com 2018 Archive

Author: mexican sharpshooter

  • Lindemann’s Kreik Lambic

    In my family, real estate is sort of a big deal.  Since we all know what happened to the housing market in 2008, we began doing something every year for Christmas:  we drew names.  Ultimately this meant I only had to buy a single gift but it did mean I was also receiving a single gift.  This year, my brother got me and while it really was thoughtful of him to get what he got me–I already had one.  Semper paratus as they say, he had the receipt handy:  Bed, Bath and Beyond.

    Shit. At least they sell beer in the “beyond” section.

    This is my review of Lindemann’s Kriek Lambic. 

    Lambic is among the oldest styles of beer, but do not confuse this to mean these are in any sense of the word, primitive.  On the palate these are as complex as they come, with several diverse sub-styles.  To get a good idea of how old these may be, the painting below titled, Peasant Wedding from around 1567 suggests, people have been enjoying Lambic for centuries.

    It’s a style believed to have originated in Belgium around the time of the Roman conquest.  The Germanic tribes viewed the wine made by Mediterranean cultures to be effeminate, which even now seems to be an opinion held by many, though not me personally.  The earliest known account was from Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, while travelling to the region he ordered a pitcher at a local pub.  He took a liking to the lambic and had several servings from the pitcher, and apparently harassed the blonde waitress.  Man of the people, he was.

    But like everything else these days, there seem to be conflicting reports.  According to this guy, there is no specific evidence that lambics existed before the 18th century. There is nothing medieval about this beer other than the stoneware Belgians used.  It is a myth perpetuated mostly by lazy beer writers who don’t know what they’re talking about and sure enough, the misconception is the story that stuck.

    The commonality between the stories is what I can assume isn’t fake news.  What is common?  Lambics are a type of sour beer that is defined by its spontaneous fermentation.  That is, the brewers will put the casks outside to allow and even siphon wild yeast and bacteria into the wort to do the dirty work. Modern lambics are not made with a biochemist on staff with some GMO yeast strain in a test tube.  It’s as natural as it gets without isolating a strain from a brewmaster’s hipster beard (Rogue), or even a yeast pulled from some lady’s yoo hoo.

    No, seriously.  A lab in Poland swabbed and isolated the strain from a Czech model. If I told you they swabbed her, would you drink it?

    Much like wine and whiskey (or whisky for your Canadians), lambics are often blended with other lambics to allow for varying levels of complexity.  Charles V himself was likely served a blend with a sweeter variety to make it more palatable. These can be served like champagne, and the sour varieties are great to pair with food because they do well to cleanse the palate.  This one is made with sour cherries, hence the name Kreik.  Others made by Lindemann include strawberry, raspberry (framboise), black currants (cassis), and peaches (peche).  This one is more tart than sour and is very light. If you happen to like cherries, you’ll like this one.  Lindeman’s Kreik Lambic 4.0/5.

  • De-winefying beer – Part 2

    No, I didn’t buy a bunch of cheap beer to chug after I came home from the gym. I don’t think it was particularly wise of me to do that and while I like you guys (and the 5 ladies we’ve been able to confirm here) I’m not doing that for you again. At least not for free.

    Nothing gets by this crowd though, and everyone here is intelligent enough to notice a pattern in that first article. On the off chance you missed it I’ll point it out: With the exception of the IPA and Daybreak those affordable but skunky beers are all Pilsners.

    This is my review of Sierra Nevada Nooner Pilsner.

    The Pilsner is the most common beer in the world. Some estimates I have heard but not verified, is that over 90% of the beer consumed on Earth is a Pilsner. A claim I find believable, but again not verified. It is named for it’s origin in the city of Plzen, Bohemia (Czech Republic), where it is was first brewed by Pilsner Urquell. Credited to Josef Groll, a Bavarian brewer hired by the city’s brewers to teach them to lager. At the time they were having issues with their ales spoiling and in 1838 they chose to flood the streets of Plzen with spoiled beer to dump it.

    Nobody knows who it was that smuggled the Bavarian yeast out of Bavaria, but some blame a monk. What made this yeast special?  This is one of the first strains identified that fermented at the bottom of the barrel, rather than ale yeast which ferments at the top.  Ales brew at higher temperatures and often are hardy enough to handle moderate temperature fluctuations.  Lager yeast on the other hand needs a consistent temperature, often somewhat cold. Whoever smuggled out this trade secret, Groll had the yeast and in 1842 he combined it with the city’s remarkably soft well water, and generous portions of Noble Saaz hops. The result is still made to this day. https://www.thespruce.com/history-of-pilsner-353306

    Others realized the Bohemians were on to something, so as they say–scaramoosh, scaramoosh when you do the fandango.

    What is it that sets beer like this apart from the mass produced libations everyone from the Trumpeñero, to the bearded hipster that doesn’t seem to understand what irony is but claims to own it anyway, all seem consume in ridiculous quantities? I don’t know. But I have a couple theories.

    The old adage is that one cannot have it good, cheap, and fast; somewhere within those three attributes, corners will be cut and compromises will be made.  The main difference between buying a luxury good from a mass produced good, it what is compromised. Not to step on anybody’s toes here, but take this for example:

    Thunder Bolt and lightning

    This is the revolver I purchased a few weeks ago. On the outside, it looks excellent. The finish is reasonably well polished, there are no sharp edges, the lockup and action are…okay. There are no machining marks and yes the barrel is aligned properly (I checked before I bought it). Where was the compromise? The design itself for one thing, as revolvers are really meant for a niche market, most of which with more grey hair than I and much more discernable in terms of quality. The $10 rubber grip is another as are the usable sights, which I think can be improved. Both however, can be had in the aftermarket as so that is no big deal. Where the compromise truly is to be seen, is when you pull off the sideplate:

    Very, very frightening.

    The trigger group is made from extruded parts rather than machined to shape from bar stock. They are heat treated for strength, which is why they look burnt. These parts rub together and are meant to grind smooth against themselves over time. The only parts that are fitted, are on the hammer, just below the sear and the hook of the trigger where they contact each other–right behind that superfluous safety device.  Once these are removed, one will find they are sitting in a gum-like mess meant to pass as lube. The inside of the frame is rough and unpolished. I knew when I bought it, that I had it cheap and fast. Together these gritty parts make for a trigger group that is terrible for the overall price of the gun. To Smith and Wesson’s credit, in order to make it good I only needed an Arkansas stone, watchmaker tools, wipes soaked in jeweler’s rouge, 5w30 and a Sunday afternoon with a Radenberger. I suppose a flashlight was also needed because I somehow managed to lose explosion diagram part #71. The result is something with much less compromise. 

    The other theory? Americans only have a history going back a couple hundred years. The standards and traditions that are lauded in European culture have been built over centuries and thus their standards and expectations for certain things, like food and drink are higher. Also America was built on an idea, therefore anybody no matter where they are from can theoretically be an American so those standards and expectations get lost over time. So how is it that the Germans are able to put a better Pils to market? I’m not privy to that information to know for sure, but I would guess the compromise is price and time to some extent, because their home market is rather discerning. This is not to say an American company cannot build it to the same standard.
    Sierra Nevada makes this in what I find is the more enjoyable Czech style. It is light, properly carbonated and has the crisp finish that almost everyone can enjoy. It is perfect to quench your thirst on a hot day. While it is hard to compete when the Germans give you full pint cans for the same price, it stacks up well. I will say that I liked Breakside’s version better, but it is Oroegone based so it may not be available in your area. Sierra Nevada makes theirs in California and North Carolina so its available on both coasts! Sierra Nevada Nooner Pilsner: 3.8/5

  • If its not Scottish (Haggis) its crap!

    In 122 AD (or CE…) Roman Emperor Hadrian discovered something so shocking, so perverse, that he had no choice but to make one of history’s most racist decisions.  What did he discover?

     The Scots.  His solution?  He built a wall.

     

    Yeah, there is probably more to that, but this was a research intensive article and quite frankly I’m not going to get into the why of it.  Hadrian was emperor for all of 21 years, 11 of which he spent touring the empire.  In spite of his short reign he left his mark on the empire by consolidating provinces, allowing much needed reforms, and engaging in infrastructure projects, such as a Roman Temple–located conveniently next to Solomon’s temple in Jerusalem.  That really pissed off the (((locals))), and the ensuing revolt apparently lasted three years.  He is most famous however, for building a wall across Roman Britain to keep the barbarians to the north out.

    The Scots weren’t all bad, and some of them were indeed good people.  For instance, James Watt is credited with giving us the steam engine, allowing for the Industrial Revolution which to this very day impacts the way everyone in the western world lives!

     Okay, technically Heron of Alexandria invented the first steam engine, but they did give us the greatest love story ever told! 

    Okay, technically Wallace was such a terrible statesman the nobility found it more convenient to martyr him, rather than putting up with him.  Also, the only reason you still watch that movie is because you like Longshanks for being the archetypal shitlord and Monica Belluci circa 1996.

    A Scottish regiment is famous for being the last ones to attempt a bayonet charge!  In the early days of the Iraq war, they fixed bayonets and gave Saddam the business!

     No, still not feeling it?  Fine, they gave us this:

    Not my photo

    This is my review of Founders Dirty Bastard Scottish Ale.

    Even though Scottish Ales are realistically all the same, I think a brief overview in naming convention is in order.

    The Schilling System was instituted in the 1880’s, although there is some evidence it was in use earlier than that.  By that time, it became a requirement by the British government due to a change in what was being taxed.  Rather than grain and sugar, they simply taxed the beer.  To add further confusion the tax itself was based on the invoice price of the quantity sold by the brewer (barrel vs. hogshead).  To further add confusion:

    “This dual application of pricing applied to two different liquid measures brought about complications: a 60/- ale in the barrel was a 90/- ale in the hogshead even though it was the same product. The actual price of the ale could be as little as half of the invoice cost once the calculated duties and the discounts allowed by the brewers were subtracted.”

    Paying more tax for the same stuff because it was shipped in a different size barrel? No wonder we fought a war to get away from this…

     The term, “Wee Heavy” came about during this time due to the variety produced by Scottish breweries at the time.  The highest gravity varieties were sold in “nips” in 6 ounce quantities.  Since it was a wee bit heavy you may not mind all you were getting was was then ⅓ of a pint, the beer was going to get you where you wanted to be:  too drunk to consider the taxes you were paying.

     For our purposes these come in three varieties.

     

    The first is a 60/-.  These are typically very light (<5%abv).  Even though they have the same malty character that defines this style, it often leaves the experienced beer drinker wishing there was something more.  A good example is Newcastle.

    We know you are watching, John

    On the other end of the spectrum is 120/-.  These are a wee bit heavier (hence the term) and quite frankly are not for everyone. Typically these operate in the 7-10% abv range. These can be a lot of fun but have one downside, which I’ll touch on shortly. A good example, is Orkney Skullsplitter.

    Finally, there is the 90/- (80/- is traditional).

    Like the proverbial third bowl of porridge, for most of us this one is just right.  A good example is Bellhaven, but in the US there are dozens of good examples as well, all around 5-6% abv.  The dominant craft brewery in my area is Four Peaks and their flagship brew is called, Kiltlifter.  This is a carbon copy of Bellhaven and they sell it in insane quantities.  So much so, they are one of the evil brands that sold out (though I argue they bought in) to InBev.  Ironically, the first time I had it off tap was in Las Vegas, so should you find yourself there, try it out.  Other examples are Great Divide Claymore, Oskar Blues Old Chubb, and Odell 90 Schilling (all from CO).

     Dirty Bastard is 7.5% abv so it fits in with the Wee Heavy category.  The only one I can really compare it to is from a brewery based in Utah, it was 10.5% abv and I seriously doubt you’ll ever find it.  The Bastard has an overwhelming malt complexity and has more body than you can wrap your arms around.  The downside is the moment it got within range of my snout I got a hearty whiff of booze.  It took a sip or two for my olfactory sense to adapt but in the end I will likely continue to buy it a few times when it becomes available. For every other time of year, there is plenty of Kiltlifter to go around. Founders Dirty Bastard Scottish Ale: 4.2/5.0

  • Review – Bell’s Roundhouse IRA

    Review – Bell’s Roundhouse IRA

    This is my review of Bell’s Brewery Roundhouse India Red Ale.

    Yeah, okay so they just hopped up Kilian’s Irish Puke and gave it a cute name? Fine.  To keep your attention, here’s UFC eye candy, Paige Van Zant delivering a roundhouse kick:

    Yeah, okay pedants.  She’s right handed, so that was technically a switch kick if you are only going to look at the still photo.  If you want to see the whole thing, this video here has it in real time and slow motion. She actually swung her strong leg forward to gain momentum toward her opponent.  Then turned her hips midair, planted her right foot, and landed a left kick to the face. If anything, this was technically a flying switch kick, but it was definitely a feat of athleticism.  I can cover the gap like this and land a knee, but a kick takes several reps for me to land it.  I would say this was her career highlight, but Dancing with the Stars and every single commercial she is in seems to be more lucrative than her fights, which might explain why she never seems to fight anymore.  So before you decide, keep in mind that on any other day she looks like this:

    Speaking of red…

    The roundhouse kick is present in many Martial Arts styles but primarily is associated with Muay Thai–or Thai boxing, the national sport of Thailand.  Yes, there is more to Thailand than ladyboys, street food, counterfeit watches, and epic weekends in Bangkok. The sport itself was developed like all Martial Arts as a means of self-defense. Developed from a fighting style called Krabi Krabong, it is centered around the mindset that you are born with 8 weapons:  2 fists, 2 elbows, 2 feet, and 2 knees.  In the early 20th century the Siamese army actually pitted fighters from competing companies in bouts against each other.  This might seem like a brutal way to build readiness but it is actually a common custom in modern militaries.  In fact, I participated in a traditional boxing match during my first deployment.  The management at Al Udeid, AB sanctioned the fights under several significant conditions.  I will admit I lost, but I contend the guy I fought was Airborne and I filled in at the last minute for another guy that wimped out that morning.  

    For more information on Muay Thai, here is a link.

    Because it is a proven fighting style as a sport, rather than an art (suck it Meryl Streep), it is popular among MMA fighters for their standing game.  Other styles such as Karate, Tae Kwon Do, and even traditional boxing are represented among professional fighters but they are fewer in number.  MMA fighters primarily train in Muay Thai, plus Ju Jitsu or wrestling for their ground game.  

    So how do you do it?  To start, you should be in a modified boxing crouch–just more upright.  Hands up, shoulders forward, hips bent, feet should be a little wider than shoulder width at a 45 degree angle, strong leg should be back with your weight slightly biased to the back, knees bent and finally you should always be on the balls of your feet.  With me so far?

    Something like this…

    From here you need to be loose.  Start by moving your back leg forward like you plan to knee you opponent.  This position from his view means either you are moving to strike with a knee, parry a kick, or kick either high or low.  Deception is a good thing here.  Then pivot your front foot towards the outside, this will put it in a better position to maintain your balance.  Then turn your hips towards your front foot, begin to extend and swing your leg.  You want to aim to strike your opponent with your shin.  If you strike intentionally with your foot, you’re going to have a bad day. See UFC Fighter, Uriah Hall for the reason why you don’t necessarily want to strike with your foot, even if it worked out for Paige…

    BTW. He won that fight.

    The last step is called “chopping the tree.”  Here you are turning your hips violently to build power and swing your leg down.  Basically, pretend to strike your opponent with the lateral malleolus.  That is the big bulging bone on the side of your ankle.  Not that it is physically possible, but to finish by striking with the front of your shin, you will need to turn your entire body as if it were.  The result should look like this:

    To see the full motion, here’s a Thai fighter engaging in clear cut deforestation (seriously). This is a devastating strike; typically compared with being hit with a baseball bat.  Some fighters have been clocked swinging their legs as fast as 130 miles per hour, delivering 1400 foot pounds of force.  This is beyond broken ribs, this is ruptured organs territory and depending on the location of impact in some cases can stop the heart.

    Now that you know this should be more than just a charming marketing scheme…the beer does have a bit more character than the garden variety IPA.  Its base is a red ale, so it does have the usual toasted, caramel malts that are common with that style.  There is a hint of sweetness which is obvious given they list honey as an ingredient in big letters on the can.  I would probably say this is good enough on its own given that I’m partial to the balanced malty side of the spectrum but they also dry hopped it.  It’s a nice counter to the usual IPA and when compared to the ubiquitous red/amber ales is much more interesting.  Odd line to tread, but it treads it well. Bell’s Brewery Roundhouse India Red Ale 4.0/5.