Author: Brett L

So not only did I read the excellent new episode of the Hat & Hair, I tried to read all of SF’s Election Year coverage. The fact that we got the Hat & Hair and not that… other storyline is proof that God loves us and wants us to be soulless, but not to claw out our eyes in dismay. Truly we live in the best of all possible lightcones.

Here’s a little something for those of you who think Jeff Goldblum is a hunk. Me, personally, I always thought he played himself most accurately in The Big Chill. Skeezy, but too neurotic to be actually rapey.

You know, aside from having a great name. The best name. Aside from that I was so-so on Brett Kavanaugh, but I’m liking him better today. And Private Chipperbot, I still owe you a catbutt from the overnight tattoo thread.

Jeff Bezos isn’t going to let Elon Musk be the only evil billionaire in space. Bezos may now be rich enough to survive the old joke — “How do you become a millionaire in the rocket industry? Start with a billion dollars.”

Hey look, its an anti-nutpunch. This young man was walking to his first day of work — seven hours away because his car broke down — the cops bought him breakfast and gave him a ride, and the CEO of his company showed up and gave the young man a car. I know millennials who can both take responsibility and execute are hard to find, but a police escort and a free car seems a bit much. Back in my day, we’d have just called and said “my car broke, I’ll have to find a different job.”

Florida Men and their heavy equipment. What a rude asshole. All those people on the bus probably missed connecting buses because of his dumb ass.

It’s a summertime song. I forgot how very psychadelic the groove on this is.

Hey guys. As you might have noticed, Sloopy is still not pulling his weight. I’m not saying this explains it, but we might be selling merch for bail. Maybe. There’s some discussion about whether or not this is too deplorable for even a site dedicated to freedom, rapesquatches, sexually explicit political slashfic and puerile “humor”.

This is an awesome (and super-depressing) insight into North Korea where Rocket Man is personally intervening in holiday camp hot springs and bag factories.

“Unemployment is low because everyone has two jobs,” said  Ocasio-Cortez. This prosperity is killing us! Right and nobody goes to the popular restaurants, they’re too crowded.

As I have been saying, $70/bbl oil is far more likely than $170/bbl, no matter what Bloomberg and other scare-mongers are hawking.

Florida Woman, please do not mix 4Loco, methadone, and child care. What’s the over/under she serves more than the 20 months the chick who hung the toddler in Minnesota served? Or more than this Florida Woman who killed her mother in a confrontation about being left out of the will. Wait. I’m married to a Florida…. hold on. Got to change the will.

And here’s something of interest to one Glib in particular — “How to Eat Like a Gilmore”  h/t jesse.in.mb

It’s not creative, but I ain’t heard it in a while.

Goooood Monday Morning my Glibertariat shitlords. I’ll be giving you the links because Sloopy had a prior engagement this morning. Let’s see, Astros lost. Justin Verlander appears more interested in seeing what pregnancy is doing to his wife’s already generous bust than striking people out. And good for him. Seattle lost, too. As did Croatia, The Yankees, D-backis, Angels, and Toronto. Its the All-Star break, so lord only knows what Sloopy will talk about tomorrow.

People had birthdays and shit happened in the past.

NASA chief says the new US Space Force will be based on the Navy, not the Air Force. So I guess the dropship Rodger Young is a possibility.

Elon Musk calls Thai rescuer “pedo” in tweet, fuck stick.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug, that encourages you to engage in poor choices.

We give Californians a lot of shit, but I’m going to give this one’s persistence a thumbs up.

Okay this is too funny. Is this one of you?

Welcome to Hump Day, or Mid-Week Maintenance Sex Day for those of you in long-term relationships where you don’t schedule monthly appointments. I don’t have much patter or chatter today, Sloopy does a pretty good job of sucking all the air out of the day in the morning. We’ll see how this Croatia/England matchup goes. After eliminating the Cravats, I think the English will fall to the French in a way that will disappoint them as much as anything since Joan of Arc’s victories.

“It was Gatlinburg in mid-July/I shat myself ’cause of e. coli./I tell ya, life ain’t easy for a Boy Named Sue” – I believe Shel Silverstein would be okay with this

As a fellow Brett, I am shocked and disappointed at these baseless allegations. I was never a member of a fraternity.

Huh, I always thought fraudulent evangelism was an American phenomenon.

I think everyone here can agree that the cops did a good thing here.

Oh what the hell. We’ll make it easy.

I think the first time I was really drawn to computer programming as a career was when I realized that I could literally read the internet and be good at it. “Hey nobody at [GIANT COMPANY] knows how to do this!” I sneak off to the internet, use whatever came before Google — Yahoo? Lycos? Anyhow, I would type in some phrases, spend an hour or four reading blog posts and trying shit, and come in the next day with something that worked. Almost 20 years later, this still works. Am I good a writing code or just good at Googling? Who cares? The only people enjoying more job security than me right now are pipeline welders. I’ll tell you what is different — I used to have to write the code myself or at least copy and paste and change some things. Now, at least half the time, there’s an app for whatever I’m trying to do. Also, it gives me an excuse to be on the internet all day.

France beats the Belgians, like every war ever.

Wow. It turns out that the DOJ settled with Cody Wilson — he will be allowed to post specifications for essentially any type of firearm a private citizen can buy without an ATF endorsement. He has more plans. I’m also hoping that now that DD’s legal troubles are over, they’ll drop the price of the GhostGunner about $500.

Huh. I heard a lot about “fuckin’ the dog” when I worked that construction job in Houston, but I didn’t realize how apt the metaphor was. The article implies that this congress may not have been illegal as late as last year, but I’m pretty sure an ass-whipping is part of the deal anytime you get caught.

That’s some redneck shit, even for Georgia. Oh, Republic of Georgia. What an asshole.

Maybe other states should also ban their legislatures from meeting in even years. Texas #1 state to do business in.

Welcome back everyone to the weekday links. I hope everyone is catching up on all the work you “missed” last week. I know I am. Not a whole lot else going on. Excellent contributor articles abound, please peruse the main page and catch up on any you’ve missed over the last week. If you guys generate much more content, I’m going to start skipping links (that’s a promise not a threat!). Also, stick around after the links for the thrilling conclusion of THE STEVE SMITH SANCTION.

I don’t know what they mean by disproportionately large stinger, every wasp that gets within five feet of me looks like this to me. h/t Mad Scientist

Newly-wed husband and wife collide on zip-line, men hardest hit. That’s one way to get out of it.

Florida Man crashes motorcycle, lives, perseveres in killing himself.

I feel like we could send a delegation of Dennis Rodman, Bill O’Reilly, and ICP, and make this happen.

Texas’s Great White  Hype: As he wound his way through his stump speech, he leavened his talk of migrants with a vulgar crack about Congress’ approval ratings: “Just below communism, just above gonorrhea.”

There’s an awful lot of excitable boys (and girls and other genders) out there nowadays.

Happy Fifth of July! To celebrate, I think I’ll drink a fifth of something tonight. Probably Early Times in honor of my wife’s stepfather. He passed quietly Tuesday with his family having made their good-byes. Someone else will step in tomorrow afternoon, as I have a memorial service to attend. I don’t want to hear any “that sucks!” or “sorry!” in the comments, go hug someone you love or at least send them a text. I’m glad to have known him and he’s far more comfortable today than he was Monday when last I shared. We’ll take care of my mother-in-law as she rebuilds her life. If you’re inclined to raise a glass, it’s one jigger of whiskey and two of coke on the rocks.

Apparently, Florida Man needs to just redneck up and do the fireworks himself in my neck of the woods. From my spot on one of the highest hills in Pinellas County (approximately 65ft above sea level), I was able to watch my neighbor’s fairly awesome display, as well as see two or three other, more professional fireworks shows. And everyone was done by 10:00. Except the random Florida Man, but he was pretty quiet.

The Fifth Circuit picks a fight with Clarence Thomas. The reporting is so terribly opinionated its hard to tell, but the 5th Circuit did find the strip search of 22 girls unreasonable. Perhaps if they had identified a single suspect? Any Constitutional scholars want to weigh in?

Hey, how could a Minstrel Show by woke folk be so horribly misunderstood?

Time to start watching for Cones of Probability again? I would say it’s my 3rd favorite season behind “College Football” and “natives with bikinis retake the beaches”.

Scientist tries to heed 2001’s warning, wants to bypass Europa for another moon.

Buncha kids playing stuff that could be mid-70s… or mid-90s.

Happy America Day to the American Glibs, and happy Hump Day for everyone else. I made the dirty water hot dogs. I… I have shame for how good those are. My kids ate two each — which is pretty good for them. I’m holding at one, but these links are being pre-recorded live.

Leave! Leave now Canadians and Michiganders! Florida is drowning! I’m looking at being beach-front!

This would have been better if the gold-mine had actual gold in it.

Yikes! Glad everyone survived with only a single injury.

Hopefully these two psychopaths will suffer long, long lives in prison.

I know Shooter Jennings isn’t for everyone, but I will continue to push him because I like his delightfully  album choices. This, however, is just straight pop-country, which he does better than most, too.

Happy ‘Murica Day Eve, y’all. I hope you’re proudly carrying our forefathers’ tradition of taking the day off or working as little as possible. My wife is doing clinical rounds in a hospital, so she has to work for her first July 4, like, ever. The boys and I will go to the beach, play with sparklers, eat dirty water hot dogs, and then go out to the field around the corner (which I think is owned by the cemetery but not used yet) to watch fireworks. The four year old is… sensitive, so he doesn’t really like fireworks up close. Anyhow, I am hopeful that during all that excitement I’ll find time to put up a set of links for our foreign friends who won’t be drinking and getting sunburns.

In Old World Football, the Swedes topped the Swiss. Our love to Swiss Servator. We’ll see whether the English can continue to get lucky. The were up 1-0, but gave up a goal with 2 minutes to go. England may give it away.

It appears Ali Watkins will be receiving a mentor, who will teach her how not to sleep with sources and subjects of her columns. Because apparently, “don’t fuck people you quote” is hard to communicate.

I love how $75/bbl and $2.65 at the pump is now a disastrous price. Remember $125 and $3.50?

What a horrible fucking person. Remind me again how this is worse than shooting up a school shooting up a school is worse than this. Editing h/t Bob Boberson

Greenpeace idiots introduce foreign contamination into spent fuel pool. 2nd take away, intercepting 1 of 2 drones isn’t quite good enough.

Juggalos are on the forefront of anti-surveillance technology.

I found the Ballad of Florida Man.

What’s up guys? I had a pretty good Saturday — the Astros got hammered by the Rays while I watched from great seats, but I got hammered, too. I think I win. And a pretty shit Sunday. My wife’s step-father is in hospice care and failing. She went out of the house Sunday afternoon not knowing much beyond that. It is definitely the end, we’re just not sure if its tomorrow or next week. Fuck cancer!

Our neighbors to the south got beat pretty handily. I did not get a chance to watch the match, but I heard Neymar finally got the penalty he spent the whole first round diving for. We’ll see if Japan has anything for the Belgish. The Belgs. The capital of EUtopia. Japan went up 2-0, currently tied 2-2 in the 80th minute. Update: Belgium pulls it out at the last second! Wow! Japan over-commits going for the win and gives it away.

Think of all the progressive car drivers in NYC who will be crying themselves to sleep tonight that they missed an opportunity. And you know, the rest of us who don’t wish death on the children of politicians we disagree with, let’s just give Eric Trump a thumbs-up for doing something decent.

Some people were making fun of this, but I like boiled hotdogs. I think I had five or six hotdogs at two baseball games last week. And I’m not sorry. I’m gonna buy a bunch and try this for 4th of July since my kids will want hotdogs anyways. And I’ll make ribs to fall back on if they are just hotdogs.

Rich people know the value of assets, can spot a bubble.

How the hell can you escape from prison three times and not stay on the lam. Its like Hogan’s Heroes out there.

Bill Gates praises GOP legislature for resisting Trump cuts. This is going to cause some interesting cognitive dissonance.

Hopefully, this is the first of lots of good news in this ongoing story.

I really like the guitar sound on this, and he sings a hell of a lot better than his daddy.