Author: Brett L

Its always fun to follow the Hat & Hair. When they write the political history of the 20-teens, I think that is going to get a ton of ink, or pixels, or whatever. Its just so compellingly grotesque and yet tender. Like a fawn mangled by a big dog. In local sports news, Boston Man will lick no one else in this year’s quest for Lord Stanley’s cup. Never try to out-crazy Florida Man.

The University of Florida — a class university all the way around. They’re all Gators, so obviously, fuck everyone in this story.

Nothing says innocent like Oliver North. I am sincerely puzzled by the NRA here, and will continue to not give them money, because they’ve always seemed dodgy when it came to people like me owning guns.

Oil makes a huge recover to settle at… $71? Jesus. Its like 2013 all over again! Get the jalopey ready, Ma! We’s just about ready to move back to Beverley Hills!

I would tie this to the Patriots, but nobody is worried about beating the Bears next season.

Huh, never heard this before. Probably the right band to cover that one.

It’s really great having Sloopy back. I guess I have to find something besides SPORTZBALL to banter about now at the top. I did find out that the Florida opossum does not swim well. I looked out my window and saw something floating in the pool. Poor little guy. I fished him out set him in the dirt in case he was just playing ‘possum, but I think I’ll be bagging him up and tossing him in the trash later. There’s no direct overhang of limbs to the pool, so I can only guess that he overextended going for a drink of water and his mama never taught him to swim.

In DFW is the worst Texas metroplex news (Houston raised me sez), patrons show up 10 hours early to see Stormy Daniels strip. Now I don’t have much experience in the strip clubs of DFW, but I’ve been to some nice ones and some trashy ones in Houston and Austin, and the only way I’d show up 10 hours early to see that is if my wife was so MAGA she let me take $1000 cash to the strip club and go 10 hours early. Even then, you can only hold your buzz so long if you chug a flask in the parking lot. I hear.

I didn’t know there were gay porn moguls, but is it stereotyping to say I’m not surprised one is Jewish?

Hey guys, I’ll bet you’ll be surprised to find out that the sex-trafficking panic is based on a (false) myth! TW: Buzzfeed, so there are some weasel words and cultural reassurances that the researchers are still woke.

I’m sure you’re as shocked as I am to find that a common pesticide, known to be safe to humans by everyone who bothers to study it, is in our agricultural food supply!

Your afternoon song is so old it laments $5 beers in strip clubs.

Hi everyone, you’ll have to enact your own labor today. We screwed up the links. The internal discussion looked a lot like this.

Howdy y’all, back in the land of sunshine and meth from the Mitten. I’m grateful to everyone else who took a turn this week. It did not escape my notice that certain commenters here have taken a liking to some of the alternate link forms. Me too. But I’m the plain vanilla that makes all the exotic flavors so fun, so you gets what you gets. In SPORTZBALL news, the Astros finally stole a home game from the Angels, who are tearing it up away from Los Anaheim, and special thanks to the Maple Leafs for beating up Boston and then rolling over. My local frozen pond team appreciates it. Will the Caps lay down for the Pens again? Odds are good.

Lets do some links!

It looks like Bill Cosby’s luck has run out. I think he should get a tie-breaker trial. Wait. Is that not how that works?

Looks like OMWC’s swimmers are finally starting to slow. Number of pre-teen moms at record low in the US. Either that or uncles in the Ozarks are really getting slow.

In today’s court or BDSM sweepstakes, former hottest judge on the bench appoints “special master” to review Cohen files for attorney-client privilege. Which, totally sexist since the master is a madam. We’ll see what happens, but its nice see at least a fig-leaf given to the idea that the 4A means what it says.

I’m trying to imagine how a crude oil or asphalt explosion happens. That’s not good. Thankfully nobody was killed.

Army Heathen gets okay to wear beard. No word yet on whether he can perform the Blood Eagle on enemies.

As a joke, I mistakenly asked SF what the most disturbing porn he had ever come across was. Here is a SFW (but not necessarily your soul) review.

Here’s an oil song for those refinery guys.

Gooooood Morning, friends. I am bright-eyed and bushy tailed this morning. All the emo crap from yesterday is GONE. And man, isn’t the SRV style coffee AWESOME?!! In sportzball news, The Bruins and the Caps won. In beisbol, Seattle appears to be just what the Astros needed to get back on track, but holy moly are the Red Sox on a tear. Cubs beat the Cards, D-backs won, Orioles lose to Detroit… and now, the links!

[UPDATE: It appears that the powerful herb has crossed up some signals here at Glibs world headquarters. I am condensing the links together. Sorry if you commented on the wrong links and your wisdom is forever doomed to wander the Internet Tubes unread]

Trump hires Guiliani, two other lawyers he won’t be disciplined enough to listen to.

Goddam, Florida Man. BTW, CBS says they won’t release how the shooter died, but news sources last night say the guy shot the two deputies, then himself.

Two low-credibility businesses part ways, both breathe sighs of relief.

Happy 4/20, and remember, stoned driving is dangerous slow driving.

OK, Team Red…legalize. So sayeth Bloomberg (the news service, not the nanny).

In that same vein…If Session gets kicked in the nuts/shunted aside, TRUMP BOOM in weed?

So many good songs to choose from. I guess I’ll go here.

What’s up, Glibs? I have an advanced case of ennui, and don’t feel like enacting anyone’s labor today, including mine. Also, I’ve been whistling the fucking M*A*S*H theme ever since I read Q’s article. I just want to take a nap. Its an easy fucking life I have.

Florida Man is fucking killing it with the crazy/stupid in my neck of the woods.

OPEC dreams of $100/bbl oil. Please. It won’t stay above $80 and WTI isn’t to $70 yet. Let’s not get overwrought. I continue to hear that there are plenty of proven non-producing wells that will fire back up if the WTI price gets over $75.

I’m not sure which part of this is the saddest. The fact that Olympic gymnasts can be had for a loaf of bread like a Venezuelan prostitute, probably. What a profoundly fucked up

And finally, Andrew McCabe’s day is getting worse. I’ll bet he never foresaw the day when he’d lose his pension AND have charges referred when he decided to help the new boss before she was actually his boss.

So here you go. The obvious song is obvious.

As OMWC alluded to yesterday in his afternoon links, we’re going into a rotation. He does great links. The best. Wonderful links. Sloopy is doing awesome in real life, but that leaves him less time to be the morning linkmeister. So you get my sad, links. Pathetic. In the SPORTZBALL, Army completes the sweep and ousts the Kings for a coup, Winnipeg tightens their grip, and the Senators Capitols get one back. The NBA is only playing every fourth day so who gives a shit? The Marlins shelled the Yankees but somehow ESPN forgot to run 11 stories about it. BoSox win with Ohani leaving early, and your World Champion Houston Astros finally managed to score some. And now… the links!

As best I can tell, National Security Advisor Mustachio Bolton has decided that what we really need is a Lawrence of Arabia strategy to solve Syria. “Which way is Damascus, Sharif?”

Apparently, the internet existed in the days of Mahabharata. Somehow they left that out of the Sutras.

San Francisco, one of the denser areas in modern America blames climate change for poor air quality. Yeah guys. Just like LA in the 80s.

Oh man, imagine that… you can still count on the apathy of youth in these times when a Child Shall Lead Us.

Nate Silver, mediocre Sabermetrician, will move to ABC where he can work with news personalities who have the same relationship to statistics that dogs do a vacuum cleaner. They’re not entirely sure what it is, but it scares them.

Here’s a classic for your orphans.

Happy Friday the 13th. Hopefully you’re old enough to know that God’s own shit chute can point at you on any day and date confluence, but I don’t know how those guys in the Cishetero Disaster Timezone do it. In sports, now that the hockey season has started, Bolts, Bruins and Predators all put up 5 in wins. The BJs needed all 4 to beat Washington, and the Sharks beat the Ducks. No pushing and standing around happened in baseball last night. The BoSox are just tearing it up, as are the Angels. Looks like all the Dodger bandwagonners won’t have too far to go when they jump off. And now… the links!

First off, the person to climb the body of the youth hockey team injured and killed in a terrible accident has been found. Tip of the toque to beloved contributor Gordilocks

Science proves communism makes nations poorer and less healthy. Send this to your IFLS commie friends.

CNN is suddenly very concerned about President Trump’s accusers being silenced. Huge turnaround from the Clinton years where they were obsessed with silencing the President’s accusers.

More science: Just one drink a day could shorten your life. Which is why I drink at least two. Also, in a discovery that will shock absolutely no one who has been a part of the restaurant industry, Food Preparation and Serving have the highest incidence of marijuana use.

Triskaidekaphobia you say?

Welcome to our Tuesday afternoon linkstravaganza. Sorry, all the top hats in the previous post got me into a punning mood. Feel free to assassinate me for it in the comments.

The 8th Wonder of the World (Texas Figurin’) is getting a new lease on life. It appears that no new tax or bond will be be raised.

Cherophobia — the defining quality of Puritanism in general.

I want to get old like this gentleman. 111 and still smoking cigars and drinking whiskey and coke.

This young lady has put out a strong resume for a leading role in the Trump White House Press Operation.

Flat-Earthers are 2-5% of the American population. Given the number of people who think they’re going to win the lottery, I’d rate the oblate-spheroid Earth propaganda educational materials as very effective. On another barely scientific subject — a specific, falsifiable near-term prediction about global temperature [8000 word rant about them being a bad metric for anything elided. edit fairy] readings. Since it actually looks like science, guess the predictions for 2019. The results will shock you!

I think Iggy made it look harder than it was, although his eyes in some of the 70s-era shows make me think he really was trying to sing from a different reality.

OMWC threatened to start driving his Free Candy van around my neighborhood if I didn’t make some actual links. And telling the neighbors why he was there. Since we just had a block (cul-de-sac?) party last weekend where I met and socialized with all of my neighbors, I guess I have something to lose. So let’s get to linking! Whoops, first some SPORTZBALL news — the Chicago Freakin Cubs have postponed their home opener. I once attended a home-opener at Wrigley Field and it is the coldest I ever remember being. Either today’s players really are soft or the AGW is all outside the North-Western quartisphere this spring. Go down to a 144 game season sez I. Take 12 off the front and six off the back.

Only in the UN would disarmament be synonymous with “using against your own people”. Syria to take over chair of the UN chemical weapons disarmament council.

I’m not sure if a former child actress (sorry OMWC) charging topless at Bill Cosby is going to help the plaintiffs. Or maybe the punishment is that she willingly took her top off and he’s too blind to enjoy it?

It ain’t bad enough them La-TEEN-Ohs gotta come here and take our jerbs, but now they’re buyin’ all our gasoline (down there) and costin’ us more at the pump!

Dark Matter experiment that has detected nothing for two decades, now finally sensitive enough to do so — if it exists. The only thing I’ve ever seen Dark Matter do is turn money into the null case repeatedly.

How about some throwback?