Monday Afternoon Links – The First Day of Glibmas

On the first day of Glibmas, my nightmares gave to me: This tasty gem by SugarFree

‘Tis the season to get blind-drunk and vomit while muttering “The horror, the horror”. Its not a lot of fun to try to follow that, so I’m just gonna mail it in. My kids were sick all weekend while my wife was out of town. If you want to devise a sleep-deprivation torment, alternate having one wake up screaming every few hours from fever dreams and then have the little one ninja in and wake you up in between.

Not nearly enough alcohol in either picture to be accurate

Have a moral panic over teen vaping complete with pictures of a disfiguring scar from a lithium ion battery explosion. Which is no more a danger of vaping than burning down your house by leaving a cigarette lit. How dare these young persons enjoy nicotine (a substance NOT known to anyone to cause cancer) free of cancer causing agents and not funding states’ Medicaid funds!

Vox makes a case for a second Brexit vote, so now you know, its a stupid idea.

Well, it looks like Swiss’s son may not have to follow his dad to Afghanistan after all. I’m rooting for declaring victory, then leaving.

Bed time stories for adults? Instead of “once upon a time”, I think they all start “once we don’t need to work anymore”.

This is such a fun video. “How did that accountant get on stage, and man is he tearing up that drum kit”

Comments

244 responses to “Monday Afternoon Links – The First Day of Glibmas”

  1. 60 degrees? That’s sweltering. Is meth a blood thinner?

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      When I was in my first semester at Syracuse, it was in the upper 40s one morning and most everyone in class was wearing coats/sweaters. The professor laughed at us and said that when it warmed up that much in the Spring we’d all be wearing shorts and t-shirts. Sure enough, we were.

      But now that I’ve lived in Florida for 13 years anything below 60 is freezing.

      1. Mid-20s I don’t even bother to zip up the jacket unless the wind is strong enough to put the wind chill below zero. It just doesn’t feel cold.

        But if it’s above 60, I start sweating terribly.

        1. grrizzly

          A bus driver in the Denali National Park told us that she had moved from Texas to Alaska for pretty much the same reason.

          1. dbleagle

            When my kids went to grade school in Montana the rules were: outside lunch recess until -26F; school met until -44F (diesel in bus would freeze so no transportation). They were not fond of that. One of my co-workers was from central Alaska and he said MT winters were colder overall but the absolute cold were lower in AK.

      2. AlexinCT

        Spent a couple of years at the Cuse getting my EE masters and working the ladies, and I remember they only cancelled class once because there had been a two day storm and the second day the city had run out of places to dump snow since it had been an exceptional winter. Most of the people there acted as if this was the end of the world as nothing was ever closed up there on account of weather.

      3. Certified Public Asshat
      4. Drake

        4 years of college in Maine – and yes, first day of spring over 40 was a shorts day. Never once had class cancelled due to weather.

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          Bates?

          1. Florida Man

            Constantly

          2. Drake

            Yep. Don’t know what I was thinking.

    2. Bobarian LMD

      In Florida Man, blood is a meth thinner.

  2. Tres Cool

    And to think, when I was 16 I was smoking actual cigarettes.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I knew you weren’t to be trusted.

    2. MikeS

      I waited until I was 19 to start. SMDH.

    3. Urthona

      I pretended to be a smoker just to talk to a girl when I was 16 and then coughed embarrassingly.

  3. prolefeed

    A bit of sunshine for a short winter-ish day (NSFW, especially if you live in Minnesoda):

    https://thesexier.com/hot-babes-in-the-sunlight-pics/

    17, 1, 2 for the see through tops

    15 for wetness

  4. Count Potato

    “Twice as many high school students used nicotine-based electronic cigarettes in 2018 compared with last year, according to a new survey exploring teen smoking, drinking and drug use.”

    And how many of them smoked tobacco? That seems quite an omission.

    1. JaimeRoberto, Public Intellectual

      And what’s the trend for tobacco?

    2. Lachowsky

      Not mentioned is that no one on the face of this earth has any idea whatsoever how many high school students used e-cigs or regular cuts or anything else for that matter.

  5. MikeS

    I always chuckle when Bun smokes a dart while banging the skins.

    1. MikeS

      Like here

      1. Bobarian LMD

        I saw them guys in college in 85-86, when those guys were old and washed up, and they head-lined ‘Louder Than Life’ in L-Ville a year and a half ago.

        Amazing.

        1. C. Anacreon

          My friend from high school decided his destiny was to be a drummer in a top rock band, so he never went to college, and ended up as a garbageman most of his adult life while waiting for the big break that never came. And now, pushing 60, nearly blind and on disability, he’s still playing in hard-rock cover bands on weekends. I reconnected with him recently and he gave me a treasured photo of him with his new pal Bun E. Carlos, apparently befriended late in life due to their mutual love of drumming. He says Carlos likes his friends to call him “Bun E.”, so it’s not just a stage name to him.

      2. Chipwooder

        Pete Gill, who drummed for Saxon and Motorhead, did the same thing, except faster.

      3. Michael

        I love that Rick Nielsen wears two of the same sweater in different colors.

  6. Juvenile Bluster

    3 more days until I get the fuck away from work for the rest of the year. Jesus Christ I’m so ready for that.

    1. Subwoofer

      I basically can’t get anything done for the rest of the year. My job is at a spot where in order to advance anything I need to work with a bunch of other people, but everyone I need to work with has already taken off until early January, so there’s pretty much nothing I can do until they get back in their offices.

      It’s annoying, cause all I want to do is make more progress and this feels like wasted time.

      1. This is why I work days around holidays that other people take leave on – I get the same break from their projects, and save my vacation days.

        1. Subwoofer

          Good strategy. A large chunk of America effectively shuts down for the last two weeks of the year, so even if you’re “working” there’s almost nothing you can do unless your job requires few if any inputs from others. Assuming you can roll over vacation days, this is the best time of year to be on the clock.

          1. Subwoofer

            Unless = assuming. Started drinking early to try and cure my boredom and frustration that nobody is working.

          2. AlexinCT

            Unless I am busy and have things to do I prefer not to be at work. And while I can always find things to do because of the nature of my job, I would rather not have to. Not to mention that taking any time off other than during the December lull usually gets my people totally distressed.

            I have been off now for a week, and they have only called me for help on two out of the 5 work days. It will suck for them when I depart the country for a dive trip in the next few days, and they find out they really can’t call me when the army of people from Hyderabad and Chennai can’t figure out why things are not working (usually because the broke something).

    2. Florida Man

      My work gave me Xmas eve off. I felt like a real life Bob Crotchet.

      1. Lachowsky

        Shit. I’m working 12 hours starting at 7pm on Christmas eve.

  7. Scruffy Nerfherder

    What? You’re going to hold us responsible for helping to rip you off?

    Goldman Sachs is fighting back against criminal charges from the Malaysian government, saying it was the victim of deceptive Malaysian officials in a scandal that has rocked the bank’s shares this year.

    The bank was criminally charged Monday by Malaysian authorities for its role in creating the state investment fund known as 1MDB. It’s the first time the bank itself faces criminal charges for 1MDB, a $6.5 billion fund whose contents were plundered by a disgraced Malaysian financier and others. Malaysian officials are demanding at least $3.3 billion from Goldman Sachs for the episode.

  8. “How did that accountant get on stage, and man is he tearing up that drum kit”

    without looking Cheap Trick?

    1. Tundra

      *ding*

      Great band, great song, great video and great YT comment:

      dsfddsgh
      3 years ago (edited)
      I loved this band not just for their sound but how they looked like no other band. They had the two pretty boys on bass and vocals and Charlie Brown on guitar all grown up and your high school chemistry teacher on drums. LO

      L

  9. Rufus the Monocled

    Is Swiss in Afgannystand?

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      It’s ok. I’m used to be ignored.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        being.

      2. Everyone is busy working.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          YEAH.

          RIGHT.

          ENOUGH WITH THE LIES.

          1. Bobarian LMD

            Do you even have a job?

          2. Rufus the Monocled

            MY JOB IS TO TELL YOU TO WORK.

          3. Bobarian LMD

            You can lead a government employee to water, something something.

    2. slumbrew

      ISTR he is long past that stage of his life and is now gets to add (RET) after his rank.

  10. Chipwooder

    And in the most fucked up thing I’ve read recently….

    If you dressed your 11 year old daughter like that and had her dancing on the bar for adults to leer at, you’d be arrested. This is just dandy, though. Progress! The right side of history! Etc, etc.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      I saw someone blasting that on YouTube. Pretty fucked up isn’t it?

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Meanwhile, CPS takes kids away when parents spank them.

      1. AlexinCT

        Teaching them to be skanks of any gender is cool, but disciplining them for acting up or being bad is just not acceptable,

      2. Tundra

        Even worse, when they homeschool them.

        1. commodious spittoon

          You know who else was home-schooled? Hitler, probably. Prove that he wasn’t, shitlord.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      They say he’s working on a magazine. No he’s not. He’s 11.

      And that kid is done. He’d better stay in that world for his own sake.

      How CPS is not involved here is crazy.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        The trans/queer lobby is not afraid to scream bloody murder and the media is uniformly terrified of being called homophobic.

        Would you want to be the CPS worker that had to investigate that family?

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          It would have to be turned into a movie.

    4. Gadfly

      This is one instance where I frown on cultural appropriation.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        You know…..

        I’ve lived a privileged, sheltered life.

        I spent a lot of time playing Galaga while some boys were literally a toy for men.

    5. Rhywun

      I used to enjoy the RuPaul show but now I feel like I need a shower. Eeew. Still, I bet he’s not thrilled at his name being associated with everything this kid does from now until the rest of history.

      1. Mojeaux

        I binge-watched that show one night while sewing and I was depressed all the next day. That show oozes despair.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          What did you sew?

          1. Mojeaux

            A dress for my daughter.

          2. Gadfly

            A dress for my daughter son.

            RPTFY

          3. Mojeaux

            HA HA HA!!!! I was just thinking I totally missed that opportunity.

  11. Rebel Scum

    Instead of “once upon a time”, I think they all start “once we don’t need to work anymore”.

    Stories? I usually just play with myself or the gf.

  12. Rebel Scum

    Vox makes a case for a second Brexit vote

    Vote early, often and until you get the desired result.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      See also Ireland and Greece and I’m sure I missed quite a few.

    2. Grumbletarian

      Respect democracy unless the vote doesn’t go your way.

      1. Fourscore

        Best two out of 3 if necessary

    3. AlexinCT

      And once you get it never allow anyone to ever demand another vote. That’s how these globalist marixst asshats work.

      1. Subwoofer

        To paraphrase Erdogan: democracy is a train you ride until you get to the desired destination, at which point you hop off

    4. JaimeRoberto, Public Intellectual

      The second vote is coming. All those Brexiteers should just lie back and think of Brussels.

      1. Raven Nation

        I suspect a second vote will favor “Remain” by a substantial margin. The Remainers have run a pretty good fear campaign and May’s incompetence (whether wilful or not) will have convinced some who didn’t vote to vote Remain to prevent “chaos.”

        1. JaimeRoberto, Public Intellectual

          I think you’re right.

        2. Subwoofer

          It’s so frustrating how casually the elites run around the people. They lead the morons around by their noses and deliberately cause disorder or mayhem while presenting a dichotomous choice between that disorder (which is blamed on the people) and the restoration of order (if you just embrace the loving arms of your betters).

          It’s a pretty common phenomenon throughout human history that people should ostensibly be aware of, but they still buy into it 9 times out of 10. It doesn’t allow much hope for liberty.

          When does Liberland become a viable nation?

          1. The Last American Hero

            1783, but it was pretty much done by 1800.

  13. Scruffy Nerfherder

    In other news, the market looks like it’s getting ready to come apart at the seams.

    As with 2008, it’s not about earnings, it’s about credit. The leveraged loan market is about to implode and take a large swath of non-performing companies with it.

    1. Sean

      So, what you’re saying is that I should stock up on bourbon?

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Always

    2. MikeS

      OT — Scruffy reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to ask:

      Question for all you who follow the markets; I plan on opening an M1 Finance account to kind of play around with. They have funds to invest in, but they also let you buy fractional shares of stocks, so I thought it would be a good way to have some low-cost fun in the market and maybe accidentally learn something…and hopefully make some $$ while I’m at it.

      Anyway; It’s basically play money, but that doesn’t mean I want to lose it all either. Should I hold off and wait for a correction and then buy, buy, buy!?

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        If you’re going to test theories, there are services that allow you to play with imaginary funds. Off the top of my head, It’s been a while so my memory fails me, but they do exist.

        One thing I would not do is trust a broker right now unless you know they have successfully weathered bear markets before, even then it’s a crapshoot.

        1. MikeS

          65% of it will be in two Vanguard funds. One an aggressive retirement 2035 account, the other an aggressive investment account. The other 35% I picked individual stocks. And I’m starting with $100 (maybe $200) total, so we aren’t talking big money here. Some might even call it crumbs.

          The way you are talking, it sounds like waiting a bit might be prudent?

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Be aware of your transaction costs so they don’t eat your earnings. Vanguard is traditionally very safe though.

          2. MikeS

            That is a big part of what is so attractive about M1; no fees

          3. Playa Manhattan

            I’ll read up on it later, but what you’re saying sounds too good to be true.

            Vanguard invented low cost investing, Fidelity and others copied it.

            They’re able to make money on volume. Vanguard has $5.1 Trillion AUM.

          4. Playa Manhattan

            Fuck em. They’re an aggregator, not a brokerage.

            You can’t trade when you want to.

          5. MikeS

            ? I thought you could buy and sell stocks at will?

          6. Playa Manhattan

            They aggregate all orders and execute them in their “trading window”. It’s probably once a day, possibly more if they get a lot of volume on a particular stock, possibly less often for thinly traded stocks.

            You can’t execute trades manually at all.

            It makes me wonder if there’s beneficial ownership of securities at all; especially with fractional ownership.

          7. MikeS

            Ahh…thanks for the ‘splaining, Playa.Now that you mention it, I think I saw that mentioned in a review; not for day trading. That’s OK, the dabbling I’m going to do with stocks is long term. Months, probably years in most cases.

          8. slumbrew

            You may want to compare to a 3-fund portfolio as well:

            https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Three-fund_portfolio

      2. Fourscore

        “accidentally learn something…”

        You learn faster as the market goes down.

      3. kinnath

        Start when you are young.

        Put it in index funds.

        No one beats the market for any significant period of time.

        Anything else is gambling — which has a place in life — just gamble on purpose.

        1. MikeS

          I already have a 401k at work which is doing well. Mostly due to some very generous contributions from my employer.

          This account will just be a secondary account to basically, yes, gamble with. Although, even when I actually do gamble, I’m the guy betting $1 chips at the black jack table. My idea of gambling with stocks is picking individual stocks myself instead of someone managing my mutual funds for me.

          One of the funds I’ve picked is a Dow Jones top 30 fund…is that an Index Fund?

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Yes, if it’s indexed to the top 30.

        2. Fourscore

          What K just said. And don’t worry on a day by day basis. Even Einstein admitted he couldn’t understand how compounding worked but the distributions over time begin to compound and compound and..

    3. The Other Kevin

      Ron Paul put out his yearly prediction that a correction worse than 1929 is on the way. Any day now.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        I expect that for the Chinese, it is going to be worse than 1929.

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Key to the problem is a huge amount of junk bonds in the oil sector, accounting for almost 15% of the $1.2T junk bond market. If oil continues to decline, and right now it shows no sign of abating, there’s going to be some serious credit market fallout.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        The entire corporate bond market is $7.5T, of which only $2.5T is high grade. Everything else is BBB or worse.

  14. Gadfly

    Not nearly enough alcohol in either picture to be accurate

    Given that those pictures are of Scots/Englishmen, alcohol is most assuredly present, if unseen. Those folks tend to store it in their blood.

  15. commodious spittoon

    Made it through voir dire this time, but wasn’t chosen. The charges are sexual harassment of a minor and stalking, so I’m glad to give it a miss. I wasn’t asked a single question, so I can only assume some combination of age (early thirties), childlessness, or bachelorhood made me unattractive for either counsel.

    I thought the panel might get derailed in the same way last week’s was: one of the jurors mentioned working in case management for the county, and seemed to imply he might recognize the defendant. But the judge was quick on the ball this time and shut him down.

    1. Bobarian LMD

      “Juror #11 looks like he might be into that sorta thing. Move to strike.”

      1. commodious spittoon

        Juror forty-freakin’-five, bucko. They hauled in fifty of us to grill us on whether we feel comfortable passing judgment on an alleged pedo. At least half an hour asking what we’d think if the defendant declines to testify.

        Whatever. I just read and made as little eye contact as possible.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          I just read…

          Was it Boys Life or Teen Vogue?

        2. prolefeed

          “At least half an hour asking what we’d think if the defendant declines to testify.”

          “Since the defendant has the presumption of innocence, I’d likely follow the logic of that presumption and think their lawyer felt the state hadn’t met their burden of proof to overcome all reasonable doubt.”

          Guaranteed to get you excused from duty.

    2. JaimeRoberto, Public Intellectual

      They probably discovered that you hang out here.

  16. Juvenile Bluster

    On transgender athletes competing in girls’ divisions

    The whole article is ridiculous, but out of a ridiculous article, this is the most ridiculous.

    There is no proof that cisgender men are inherently more capable than cisgender women. According to an NCAA handbook called “Creating Positive & Inclusive Athletic Environments for Transgender Athletes,” the fear that “transgender women will be able to dominate women’s sports without effort due to the inherent advantages men have over women” is “a new iteration of the old stereotypes that kept women & girls out of sports prior to Title IX.”

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Willfully stupid is no way to go thru life.

    2. Certified Public Asshat

      The vitriol intrudes before races. Afterward. In her Instagram comments. They say she has a “biological advantage.”

      LMAO. “Biology”

    3. Certified Public Asshat

      Jesus JB:

      She started wearing wigs in seventh grade and skirts in eighth. Around that time, she told her parents she was gay. But later her therapist told her about transgender people, and that’s when she realized who she was. She just never had the language to describe it until then.

    4. Rebel Scum

      There is no proof that cisgender men are inherently more capable than cisgender women.

      All biological study on the matter notwithstanding.

      1. Psycho Effer

        I’d like to know if there is any sport in which the world record in the women’s division is superior to the world record in the men’s division.

        1. slumbrew

          Competitive menstruating?

        2. The Other Kevin

          Is Gender Studies a sport?

        3. Bobarian LMD

          Competitive Birthing.

          Usually comes down to the Catholics vs. the Mormons.

          1. Sensei

            Certain Orthodox communities want in on the action.

        4. Drake

          Nagging?

        5. Tundra

          Not superior, but trap shooting can be pretty equal.

          1. pistoffnick

            My daughter regularly beats me at target shooting from a cold start. Once I get the flinching under control I can easily pass her.

          2. Plinker762

            That sounds transphobic

        6. dorvinion

          I’m pretty sure the state record for Iowa high school boys 100m is faster than the WR for womens timed 100m

          Now I don’t know anything about that State record holder…maybe he went on to be an Olympian or something, but I doubt it. Which would mean some podunk high schooler runs faster than the fastest woman in the world, over short distance at least.

          1. Tulip

            Any state high school boy’s record is faster than women’s world record. I looked it up (50 and 100 meters).

        7. The Last American Hero

          I saw a special with a woman who can swim in the antarctic waters with the penguins. Her somewhat unique physique allowed her to withstand temperatures much longer than whatever they call British Navy Seals could.

          I also saw a special on a woman free-diver – not sure if she was the world record holder.

          1. Rhywun

            Mermaids don’t count.

    5. Chipwooder

      Well now, then there’s no need for separate boys and girls competition, right? So let’s have one competition open to all – boys, girls, “girls” – and whoever wins, wins. I’m sure actual girls will be very competitive.

      1. JaimeRoberto, Public Intellectual

        Probably would be a Title IX violation at the college level.

        1. Subwoofer

          Title IX requires equal funding for boys and girls sports. Eliminating sex differentiation entirety and leaving all teams open to both sexes would seemingly sidestep the issue.

          Not that there wouldn’t be an avalanche of lawsuits when the girls failed to gain spots on the teams, unless they required have the spots be set side for women.

          Reminds me of how American Ninja Warrior had to introduce spots in the finals that were set aside for women. Despite all the airtime they got in qualifying, the finals were almost entirely men when both sexes were competing on equal footing. That must not have sat well with all the ladies that started watching after Kacy Catanzaros “historic” run where she made it halfway through a qualifying track, a feat she could never replicate.

          1. JaimeRoberto, Public Intellectual

            Strictly speaking, Title IX only says “”No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.”

            That’s been interpreted to mean equal funding and/or equal number of spots available for women’s athletics.

      2. Old Man With Candy

        Here’s what I don’t understand: why is there a separate category for men and women in CHESS?

          1. Sean

            *applause*

        1. Urthona

          Men are statistically 12.4% nerdier than women on average.

          Unfair advantage.

        2. The Last American Hero

          Women can pop a button or two on their shirt and distract their male opponent.

    6. Gadfly

      “a new iteration of the old stereotypes that kept women & girls out of sports prior to Title IX.”

      I thought the reason was that no one wanted to pay for the extra teams, which is why a lot of schools complied with the equal opportunity portion of Title IX by cutting the number of men’s teams they fielded.

    7. Rhywun

      This is the same outfit that took over UEFA soccer broadcasts in the US (for a tidy streaming fee). And – surprise! – we get this nonsense. Fuck them. Hard.

  17. Certified Public Asshat


    Sears bankruptcy court OKs $25 million in bonuses for top execs

    Click bait?

    The judge gave the green light to Sears’ proposal that it offer bonuses up to $8.4 million to 19 executives if Sears meets some financial targets during the next six months. Those workers would be eligible for the extra money if Sears is positioned to reach those targets when sold, a lawyer for Sears said at the hearing, according to the Chicago Tribune.

    Sears also received approval to earmark up to $16.9 million in retention bonuses for another group of 315 senior employees, with each eligible for the equivalent of 30 percent to 40 percent of their salary, to be divided into quarterly payments during the next year.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s for the secured creditors and shareholders to decide.

    2. creech

      I’m sure not a few Ch.11s have gone Ch.7 when all the guys and gals who knew something about operations were the first off the sinking ship. Somebody’s got to be incentivized to stay around for an orderly re-org or liquidation.

  18. The Other Kevin

    Not only have the Blackhawks completely imploded, but now their goalie is out with a second concussion, and their mascot got into a fight with a fan.

    Sad to see this happen to a once proud franchise.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Proud for six years.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      And lol.

      That was a common occurrence at the Boston Gardens and ‘blue seats’ in the old Forum.

      Heck, I used to go see games in the Q and it wasn’t normal if there weren’t any kind of fights.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        The old Montreal Forum that is. Where the real hockey gods once lived.

      2. slumbrew

        Don’t poke the bear.

        Also, relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gBc84L7-Vs

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          That was bloody hilarious.

          1. slumbrew

            It’s old and still makes me laugh.

          2. Rufus the Monocled

            When he slaps the beer out of his hands. Priceless.

            Montreal women are hot.

          3. slumbrew

            The whole thing is nicely acted – just the instant look of shame when they both see him… They know it’s wrong.

          4. Tundra

            It’s brilliant.

    3. Chipwooder

      Hey, you had a helluva run. In my lifetime (hell, in my father’s lifetime) there has been one Rangers Cup, won by trading for a bunch of guys the Oilers couldn’t afford anymore. My dad was born in 1951 and he’s seen all of four Rangers final series, three of which they lost.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        At least you had Nick Fotiu and Ron Duguay’s hair.

        https://doinow.com/msgron/

      2. The Other Kevin

        It was great. They have been my favorite team since I was a little kid, and to see 3 championships in my lifetime makes me feel spoiled. I’m still going to games. Ticket prices are dropping so I think management will miss all that cash and right the ship sooner than later.

    4. grrizzly

      At least the Blackhawks can always rely on Scott Foster as their goalie.

    5. Tundra

      Cry me a fucking river. Zero cups in my 51 years. Fuck, I didn’t even have a team for 6 years and had to root for the Hawks.

      Now we just lost our best d-man because of douchebag Tkachuk protecting the honor of Backlund, who Dumba crushed in a clean and legal hit.

      Fuck.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        I HATE douchebags who pick fights after CLEAN hits.

        Plus I have Dumba in my pool. What a total disaster: Boeser, Arvidsson, Pieterangelo, Dumba, Fowler, Stastny, Ferland, and a couple of others – all lost to injuries.

        Like the EAGLES!

        Sooooo pissed off with this year’s pool.

    6. Juvenile Bluster

      Blackhawks fans don’t get to complain. No. fucking no.

      The Flyers are a dumpster fire and they’ve never won anything in my lifetime.

      1. creech

        Maybe if Stevens hadn’t concussed Lindros with a shoulder uppercut to the chin?

  19. Gadianton

    even inside a glacier in Salzburg, Austria near the North Pole

    Wait, what? On what planet is Salzburg anywhere near the North Pole?

    1. Raven Nation

      OK, that got my intrigued and I found the author’s home page. Look like an autocorrect or editorial idiocy. Here’s what’s on her page: “bedding down inside glaciers in Svalbard”

      1. Gadianton

        *Consults map* Yes. An island in the Arctic Circle makes much more sense in that sentence than what the magazine put in. Thanks.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          Home of the seed vault.

          1. Heroic Mulatto

            AKA: Deez Nutz

          2. Playa Manhattan

            Have you ever had chin nuts?

          3. Not Adahn

            and it’s guarded by armored bears

          4. Raven Nation

            Invisible armored bears?

          5. Playa Manhattan

            Polar bears are almost invisible.

          6. Not Adahn

            4th time’s a charm?

            https://youtu.be/TsXMe8H6iyc?t=190

    2. Gadfly

      On what planet is Salzburg anywhere near the North Pole?

      Well that depends on if you are a geography or an astronomer.

  20. Tres Cool

    Missed it by THIS much !

    1. prolefeed

      82 wins the sexy pose / thicc award for me.

      55 and 22 have noteworthy eyes and cleavage.

  21. I’ve heard the Calm app advertised on the SubStandard podcast as being a real convenience for getting kids to sleep, etc. Still a little paranoid myself about having stuff going on audibly while I’m asleep…..

    1. The Other Kevin

      My wife plays those stories sometimes. She usually gets to bed first, and by the time I brush my teeth the story is half over and she’s asleep. The joke is that I’ve never heard the beginning of a story and she’s never heard the end.

  22. Juvenile Bluster

    What the fuck does it take to fire an officer, anyways?

    I mean, besides that officer calling out his or her fellow officers for their bad behavior.

    DANBURY, CT — A Danbury Superior Court has upheld the state’s decision to reinstate a police officer accused of using excessive force during an arrest, the News Times is reporting.

    The city had been ordered by Connecticut’s arbitration board to rehire Police Officer Daniel Sellner. Now Judge Edward Krumeich has affirmed that decision.

    Sellner was fired about four years ago after being accused of pushing a perpetrator to the ground while the youth was in handcuffs. The police union argued that there was no clear evidence of unreasonable force shown in the video of the incident.

    City officials had argued that Sellner had a history of poor behavior that merited his firing. Before his termination, the officer had been accused of treating a young man roughly in a holding cell, threatening a motorist at a city gas station, was suspended without pay for making a lewd comment to an elementary school teacher, and underwent retraining after misusing a Taser on a motorist.

    1. Lachowsky

      misusing a Taser on a motorist

      That’s such a kind way of putting it…

    2. Playa Manhattan

      “The police union argued that there was no clear evidence of unreasonable force shown in the video of the incident”

      At no point did they claim he didn’t do it.

    3. Rhywun

      What the fuck does it take to fire an officer, anyways?

      Embarrassing the force is the only reliable method.

  23. Subwoofer

    Another attempt at crowdfunding The Wall™

    …the wall can be built if every Trump supporter contributes $80 to the effort.

    As of this writing, the GoFundMe effort has reached $10,774 of its $200 million goal.

    GoFundMe’s for Ford and Kavanaugh surpass half a million in hours, but The Wall™ can barely muster $10k?

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      We don’t need no education.

      1. Subwoofer

        $200 million =/= $15 billion. Not even close.

      2. Rufus the Monocled

        How a guy who can produce The Wall become a brick in the wall himself is beyond me.

        Roger Waters railing against Trump is thought control.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Also. He sounds like such an asshole.

    2. Subwoofer

      Related, I’ve heard the idea of WallCoin floated a few times now as a way to fund it but even setting aside the issues inherent with the wall the begin with, what would buying WallCoin get you?

      If I bought one WallCoin would I own one mile of wall? Could I let people through my section? I want it to make sense, but can’t figure out how it could possibly work.

    3. prolefeed

      It would appear that people are only enthusiastic about building a wall if it involves Other People’s Money, rather than coming directly out of their wallets.

    4. Urthona

      I only like this idea if donating is restricted to Mexicans only.

  24. Lachowsky

    Well, it looks like Swiss’s son may not have to follow his dad to Afghanistan after all. I’m rooting for declaring victory, then leaving.

    We shouldn’t have wars that last long enough for multiple generations to fight in.

    I’m on board with claiming victory and leaving as well. Since there has never been a defined goal there that can be claimed to be reached, we should just redefine the goal to be “return the country to Taliban control” then declare the goal reached and leave. I’m good with that.

    1. Subwoofer

      Simply declaring victory is a great American political pastime. You’d think declaring victory and coming home would sell well DC.

      1. Drake

        It would have sold great in about 2003.

        1. Subwoofer

          +1 “Mission Accomplished”

  25. Rufus the Monocled

    I’m digging the cut of their gib in Italian parliament. Meloni’s speech on the UN Migration Compact:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra-WY52i_Mc

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      Needed more “Freemason Lizard People”.

      1. Pan Zagloba

        David Icke needs a new published in Italy, then.

      2. Rufus the Monocled

        It’s entertaining. That’s all that matters.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          She mighta over reached with the Soros bit. I don’t know what to make of this whole ‘Soros globalist agenda’ stuff. Trudeau is always being accused of that by the right.

  26. Heroic Mulatto

    It looks like someone took this meme too seriously.

    1. Pan Zagloba

      Because I put myself on the line for others:

      1) There are two links in HM’s post
      2) Neither of those clears “OH GOD WHY” Threshold
      2a) But I have clicked on his links in the past, which may have affected said Threshold

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      You mean Oprah’s second favorite author is a Jew-hater? Unpossible!

    2. Jarflax

      I have never managed to make myself read anything by Icke. How are (((Them))) and the lizardpeople connected in his delirium? Are they (((Lizardpeople)))? But then he says the Bushes and the British Royals are Lizardpeople and they are sort of the epitome of waspdom so how does this all interrelate? And what is this bizarre alliance between Black Liberation/Separatist types and the neonazi fringe? So focused on (((Hatred))) that they can team up despite both groups express desire for the other to be exterminated?

      meh, I guess I’ll chalk up another one to : People are fucking stupid,

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Icke probably uses lizardpeople as code for Jews.

        But there are “Jews are lizardpeople and it’s the lizardpeople that control the world” conspiracy theorists out there.

    1. Sean

      Sounds good. Let us know how it is.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        3rd time I’ve found it. Great flavor for the price.

        Sous vide at 155 for 2 hours, then blast it in the oven.

        It’s good for at least 3 meals; goes great with cuban black beans.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Ah porchetta.

      My mother used to make me porchetta panini for lunch at school.

      Rapini and porchetta and sometimes provolone.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        It’s their “clever” take on porchetta. Delicious.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Clever in what sense?

  27. LJW

    Trigger alert this links to the ATF facederp page

    Don’t give guns give a gift card!

    Did the ATF give a gift card to the cartels?

    1. Tres Cool

      I dont FaceSpace or MyBook or whatever the kids are obvs totes into these days.
      But I do like the comment section.

    2. Urthona

      For some reason I misread that, but i was still triggered that someone would make me go through a background check to own a gnu. Gnus really don’t seem that difficult to care for.

  28. Not Adahn

    Welp, my employer might be the target of a moral panic. We’ll see how things develop.

    https://dailygazette.com/article/2018/12/15/police-confirm-man-killed-wife-daughter-and-himself

    1. Rhywun

      This sounds like an episode of X-Files, complete with made-up & sinister-sounding corporate name.

      1. Jarflax

        Lizardpeople conspiracy? Or secret Satanist sexcult?

        1. Oh god don’t get me started on the local media’s propaganda surrounding NXIVM.

      2. Not Adahn

        My favorite evilcorp motto belongs to these guys “Without measurement, there is no control”

        1. Rhywun

          Yikes.

        2. Tulip

          Awesome. They’re even a Spectris company. I think they misspelled Spectre.

        3. But Enough About Me

          I like it!

      3. Mad Scientist

        All that story needs is a bit about a smoking man seen outside the residence. Or aliens. Either way.

    2. Tulip

      I thought GF was shutting down

      1. Not Adahn

        Any reason you have that idea?

        1. Tulip

          Weren’t they recently sold and lost subsidies? A Berkeley guy told me that.

          1. Not Adahn

            Well, no. Not as far as I’ve heard at least.

            What did happen is two of the obsolete IBM fabs in NY and VT were bought by GF, and of course shitcanned a whole lot of fomer IBM employees.

          2. I actually work in a former IBM facility. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m going to get in to work only to find that the building has collapsed in upon itself.

          3. Playa Manhattan

            Anyone who went to Berkeley is an idiot.

          4. Mad Scientist

            Whatever you say, Tulpa.

          5. Playa Manhattan

            Tulpa doesn’t like sushi.

          6. Rhywun

            Tulpa likes spicy chicken.

          7. Sean

            I like spicey chicken…

    3. I got a 403 forbidden, although I assume you’re talking about this case?

      1. Not Adahn

        yeah, but the part is now every death that occurred to a person employed by GF, a contractor of GF, a realative of either of those groups, or someone with the initials GF is now being seen as evidence of a larger pattern. From the linked article:

        “I was shaking. I had goosebumps. I couldn’t believe this was happening again with another suicide connected to a GlobalFoundries employee,” she said. “Something is wrong here. There is something going on, people should not ignore this.”

        1. Jarflax

          ahh, so it’s MK Ultra phase 2 then.

        2. Playa Manhattan

          One was a part time security guard. Hardly part of the inner circle.

          1. Jarflax

            So he walked in on something and had to be silenced. It’s like you don’t even conspiracy brah.

        3. Scruffy Nerfherder

          So cough it up.

          Are you guys embedding a backdoor in all your chips for the Rothschilds to activate when the Illuminati decide to reveal themselves to the world?

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Well that’s horrible.

      1. Not Adahn

        Yeah, I worked a couple of projects with one of that guy’s direct reports. I’m trying to figure out how long I have to wait before I make jokes about his annual reviews.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          We can at least crowdsource the joke until you can tell it.

          His performance is…. steady?

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            No matter the situation, he always starts cool.

          2. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Stays

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder

          He always completed his goals.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            I just realized I’m a horrible person. Thanks.

          2. Jarflax

            Yeah I stopped making jokes after I actually read the article. Murdering your 12 year old daughter moves me from “deal with unpleasantness with humor” into “try not to pray for someone’s eternal damnation”

    5. MikeS

      Editor’s note: This story was corrected on Dec. 17, 2018. An earlier version included inaccurate spellings of GlobalFoundries and of the last names of both Charles Wilkerson and GlobalFoundries spokesman Jason Gorss. The previous version also incorrectly characterized Wilkerson’s employment at the computer chip manufacturing facility and inaccurately stated that Gorss did not respond to a request for comment. The company’s statement has been added to this version of the story.

      That’s it? I guess kudos for actually admitting any of it.