[Editor’s note: Yes, this is a repeat of last year’s piece. But, don’t think of it like a tired, old, overdone rerun. Think of it more as a new Glibertarians choliday tradition! (TRADITION!) ~ SP]
Yes, it’s that time of year again, when Jews all over the world celebrate their most treasured and most holy days… well, not really, but I’ll Jewsplain.
First, the part everyone knows: this is supposedly the commemoration of the Maccabees doing something or other. But here’s the catch- Jews do not accept the books of the Maccabees as canonical and derive their understanding of Chanukkah and the Maccabees from the Talmud. The usual reason given is that the Macs came along too late, the canon was completed. But it may be deeper than that, so let’s start with the familiar parts.
The whole megillah happened around 2200 years ago when I was just a wee yeled. The Middle East was a seething cauldron of petty rivalries, bloody wars, and conquests back and forth, unlike today’s quiet and civilized environment. The two major warring empires were the Ptolemies and the Seleucids, who were proxies for various swarthy European types. There were some Macedonians, Romans, and Persians in the mix as well. Like I said, it was a mess. And as usual, the Jews were right in the middle of the shit because of their geographic location and because Yahweh liked fucking with us.
If you read through the histories of that era, it’s a confusing mess because so many of the warring monarchs had the same name, with only nicknames and numbers allowing you to tell them apart. But the overwhelming cultural bit of this was the spread of Greek civilization, which brought things like rationality, philosophy, mathematics, and science to the gibbering tribal masses of Asia and Northern Africa. Unlike the tribal kingdoms, the Greeks were very big on universal culture and values, as well as a surprising tolerance for other ways of life- they basically were the first assimilationists, and in ways that would seem very familiar to Americans.
Now, the official story is that those awful Greeks, who at that point in history ruled over Palestine, had a culture that was so attractive that the Jews started assimilating, speaking Greek, adopting airs of tolerance, eating pork, wrestling naked, and wearing clip-on foreskins (that is not a joke, they really had them). This, of course, could not be tolerated by the Jews, goes the usual narrative. And then, in a total reversal of Greek policy, the latest tyrant, Antiochus IV (Epiphanes), was said to have outlawed Jewish religious practices and forced everyone who hadn’t adopted Greek culture and mores to do so by clipping on foreskins and chowing down on ham (anticipating the later American Jewish custom of eating pork by dismissing it as “Chinese food”). So after the usual litany of atrocities, which prominently featured defilement of the Temple in Jerusalem, they naturally rebelled. The Talmud gives its version of one of the atrocities, the story of Hannah and her sons. One at a time, Antiochus ordered each of Hannah’s sons to eat bacon, and each son in turn refused, shouted a slogan about their devotion to Yahweh, and was then killed for maintaining their religious righteousness. After watching each of her sons in turn being executed, Hannah threw herself off a building in a fit of grief and madness. An inspiring tale, nu?
The familiar tale continues with the great Judah Maccabee leading his ragtag band of righteous Jews into a successful rebellion against the heathen Greeks, driving them out of Palestine, then rededicating the Temple by the use of various priestly rituals. Note the last. The miracle of Chanukkah was the burning of a ritual lamp in the Temple for eight days while consuming only one day’s worth of oil, which is all they had in terms of ritually pure oil.
As a libertarian sort, I’ve learned to be a bit cynical and assume that any story like this glides past unsavory truths. I also assume that cupidity rules and is usually the driver of events. So, with that in mind…
At that time, there were multiple schisms among the Jews- the famous Life of Brian scene about the Judean People’s Front versus the People’s Front of Judea was not entirely a joke. Three of the major factions were the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the Hellenizers. The Pharisees and Sadducees fought over who really had control of Jewish law, with the Pharisees maintaining that the rabbis were really the ones to control things, the Sadducees insisting that it was the Temple priests, and the Hellenizers being the Reform Jews of their time, incorporating Greek practice and language into the Temple rituals and eschewing the fundamentalist interpretations of Jewish law (yes, this is an oversimplification, but the big picture always is).
Judah Maccabee was the son of Mattathias, who was a Temple priest and a fundamentalist. Within the priesthood, the Hellenizers and fundamentalists struggled, with the Hellenizers having won out. Their priest, Menelaus, deposed the fundamentalist priest, Jason, by paying off Antiochus. This was a good investment since this gave Menelaus control of the Temple treasures and receipts. Mattathias, being a fundy allied with Jason was clearly a loser here. In his view, anyone not following the religion in the way his faction thought proper should be executed and they certainly did their share of killing. And indeed, one of the outcomes of the rebellion was the execution of Jason as a heretic and traitor to the One True Faith.
So a cynical person might look at this as less of a rebellion against Antiochus, but more of an internal struggle between factions fighting for power and treasure. The winners write history, so the fact that the Greeks mostly didn’t interfere with religious practice before or after the Maccabean rebellion but somehow Antiochus was the exception and tried to wipe out Judaism could possibly be… well you know what self-serving storytellers and drama queens those Middle East folk can be. The cynic might look at historic parallels and see the Maccabees as akin to the modern Taliban, fighting against the encroachment of civilization (literal, in this case) in favor of a strict and violent fundamentalism that just coincidentally put them in power. And that’s what we celebrate for Chanukkah.
Fun fact: the Hebrew word for a Jew who has given up strict religious practice is “apikoros,” which derives from the Greek “Epicure.”
One more cynical observation: why the books of the Maccabees are not canonical among the Jews despite lots of slaughter and a Yahweh miracle. Although the usual excuse is timing, someone miiiiight notice that the decisions about canonicity and religious practice were made by the faction which survived and ended up controlling Judaism- the Pharisees, bitter foes of the Sadducees, with whom the Maccabees, as priests who got their share of Temple treasure and tribute, were aligned. But that would be overly cynical, right?
Fun fact: Judah Maccabee was the first Jew to make contact with the Romans, seeking assistance in his fight against the Greeks. As readers of Matthew will note, this did not end well for the Mac family.
Fun fact: although potato latkes seem like the canonical Chanukkah food in the US and Europe, in Israel they’re almost unknown. The treat of choice is… jelly donuts. And why is that? Because the bakers in Israel have traditionally been part of state-sponsored trade unions. And although latkes are easy to make at home and best served fresh, donuts are more difficult and are much easier to pick up at a (union) bakery. Just look for the union filling.
And speaking of latkes, here’s the way to do it right.
Comments
155 responses to “A Very Special Jewsday Tuesday Tradition: Chanukkah”
Hier created the News in 1933 to have some one to complain about…..
First
Jews not news, and they keep trying to auto correct Jews, fuckers
And Hitler
OMWC, why would you want to be less obnoxious?
So he can lure more girls into his van?
I suggest, “You want my bio? Come back with a warrant.”
SP wants me to be less obnoxious. Me, I wouldn’t care otherwise.
Your new bio should be “you know who else married a 6 year old?”
*hands trashy trophy*
How about: “Proudly letting you live your life as you see fit, if you do the same for him, since the Coolidge Administration.”
Damn. I yield the floor to Trashy.
Trish nails it.
Repeats can be ok. I like to rewatch this every year at Xmas – https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103272/
??❄
Not this one?
This will better fit (((his))) home:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317640/?ref_=nv_sr_1
Repeat https://youtu.be/c75n_gboKwE
Repeater
Yeah. That’s the stuff right there. My ears are still ringing from a Fugazi concert from 1991. I literally can tell when I lost a significant portion of my hearing. It was a Fugazi concert at The Newport in Columbus, OH (March,April??).
I like Ben Hur
It’s the leather skirt, isnt it?
Ya got me, row well 41…..
Hawt.
I remember the story of the two gangsters. I love that story.
Another story: Once a guy said to me that some white actress he used to have a crush on destroyed his love for her when she kissed a black dude in a movie. I tried to explain – show people dont so much think of themselves as black or white, man or woman, christian or jew, etc. They think of themselves as show people. They have a solidarity with each other partly because they are of similar personality and mindset and partly because historically they have been marginalized by society. They were looked down on ( for good reason some would say). Musicians are much the same way. They dont think of themselves as rockers, punks, country or jazz. They see other musicians as their fellows.
You see the same thing in ex-pat communities in foreign lands.
What I find troubling is that we seem to be losing some of that here as Americans. I dont see my fellow americans as black or jew or female. I see them as my fellow Americans. I feel a solidarity with them…until the last decade or so. My hesitancy to do so is from the distinct impression and overt expressions that leftists do not want any such thing. They genuinely hate anyone not them and have only the worst intentions towards them. My God, when in modern times has a presidential candidate openly derided half of the population of the country? When Hillary did that I was blown away. I knew she despised people like me but to come out and proudly admit it? Worse, she was catering to her base who applauded her. Now I regularly see calls for marginalizing anyone right of Stalin even up to re-education camps and mass murder. Currently they are trying to remove a duly elected president who roughly represents the deplorables by hook or by crook.
I have said it before and will again now – I see dark days ahead.
I see them as my fellow Americans. I feel a solidarity with them…until the last decade or so. My hesitancy to do so is from the distinct impression and overt expressions that leftists do not want any such thing. They genuinely hate anyone not them and have only the worst intentions towards them.
Solidarity requires commonality. Marxism requires the annihilation of commonality. It’s a feature, not a bug.
I didn’t know until I was in my forties, how low musicians are in the “civilised world” oh fucking well, posers
I have had professional performers tell me “Sometimes I dream I am on stage and a huge crowd is giving me a standing ovation. Not for any reason in particular. I haven’t done anything but I just stand there and soak it up. ”
What does that tell you?
“Professional performers”? So,you hang out with porn actors/actresses?
Once upon a time I worked in the…uh…film industry. It sounds better, even noble, if I call it an Industry, right?
(actually it was B movies and it was one hell of a lot of fun. A lot of work, but incredibly fun)
San Fernando Valley?
On location projects around the south for small companies no one has ever heard of.
I found out one was being filmed in the town I lived in so I grabbed my camera and just walked onto the set location one day. I was shooting pro then so I told them I would do stills for them for free. After that they offered me paying gigs. It didn’t take very long for 16 hour slogs weeks at a time to burn me out, but I wouldn’t change it. It was fun and I learned a lot.
+1 Baldwin Park
B movies? Gawd. At least in porn the chicks get their tits out.
I’m more optomistic. It could be geographically biased.
I see a public uninterested in political or racial agendas, just people who treat each other with respect.
The fringe agitators? Fuck em. I wish bad tidings upon them.
The dark days wont come until the dollar crashes. I give it 20 years +/- 10 depending on which party holds Congress during that time frame.
They are sure itching for blood right now. You are right. The country wont burn until people have nothing to lose. Right now they can pay their bills, watch their TV, drive their car and pay their mortgage. I find it very troubling that there are a fair number of people who dont care about that, they just want the world to burn and people who dont agree with them to suffer.
The country wont burn until people have nothing to lose. Right now they can pay their bills, watch their TV, drive their car and pay their mortgage.
I’ve tried to capture this in my civil war series. Youre absolutely right. Until and unless your average Joe is under substantial threat of having their life and livelihood ruined by the progs, they won’t care.
There is a lot of that. I often wonder though-
Is the divide actually starker than it has been in the past? I dont really know. It certainly seems so, but modern technology has allowed the amplification of the most determined voices. Those voices that are more determined tend to be more extreme. I think that we hear more from the hateful people out there doesn’t necessarily mean that there are more of them.
I think of it much in the way I think of crime. Today, I hear stories of horrific crimes with a greater frequency than I did 10 years ago. I know however that crime as a whole is actually down. Better communication technology simply allows for the worst of it to be more thoroughly reported.
Better communication technology simply allows for the worst of it to be more thoroughly reported.
Perception shapes reality. The agenda setting power of the media is its most powerful tool. The average person may or may not buy into this BS, but 30%+/- of the American population got off their asses to pull the blue lever this cycle, despite the insanity the left is embracing.
Well, we’re borrowing money now to pay the interest on the debt. That can’t end well. Like taking a second mortgage to pay off the credit cards. Hey, now I can use my credit cards again.
+1 Chuck “When the president brags that he won North Dakota and Indiana, he’s in real trouble” Schumer
I think the Jews should start a new Zionism and pick a more hospitable place for their home country.
There’s a bunch of federal land out west that they should be able to buy and homestead with little trouble.
So take the land from the Mormons?
/grabs popcorn
This has all been planned out in advance, for all of us.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSkik6EUQUc
But what would the Palestinians do? They would have no electricity, water or food. In a lot of ways they are the most dysfunctional society on the planet. Without Israel they would be well and truly fucked.
I figure they would go back to fueding with the other arabs in the region.
^ This
If the Jews were to all magically leave Israel and go somewhere else, the ME would erupt in a shit show of tribal fighting that I bet would be almost impossible to keep a scorecard of. Right now they have a common enemy to keep everyone occupied.
You mean like the Venezuelans getting what they voted for? Hell, half the reason I think of leaving this country is because I really do want to see the lefties get everything they deserve. That is not a country I want to be living in when that happens.
Michael Chabon, is that you?
Next up, a treatise on Catholicism by Richard Dawkins.
Is it me, or does a “clip on foreskin” just seem painful and unnecessary?
New bio for OMWC?
Old.
Richard Dawkins
Black, Jewish and Poor https://youtu.be/5AO3gO1KmCQ
I suppose this is as appropriate a place as any: Stossel’s Stocking Stuffers
“Baby, I’m gonna stuff your stocking . . . with knowledge.”
Just watched the morning exchange with Pelosi and Schumer again. The winner? Mike Pence. The guy had a ringside seat to a major heavyweight battle and didn’t have to say a word. My guess is that on the inside, he was having a blast.
So we’re the Greeks that assimilated the Jews proper Greeks or Macedonian Greeks? My recollections of history are that most of the Greek culture was spread by the Macedonians when they conquered most of the Persia and the Middle East.
Keep in mind I made the mistake of spray painting a project in the basement and hour ago and my house is filling up with metallic antique brass fumes.
I know better, but I had to complete the painting prior to finishing the wiring on the project later in the week.
Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop huffing paint.
You don’t have to make up stories about why you were huffing paint. I support your right to huff paint, if you support my right to huff glue
Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue https://youtu.be/FwJnnf1Ogcw
The Macedonians are gone, and the Greeks and Jews are still here. Macedonian Greeks = fail.
The Greek region of Macedonia begs to differ. And the country of Macedonia wants to pretend
The Macedonian Empire was massive, and now it’s just a break off Republic from Yugoslavia. Sooo…
And yet Yugoslavia doesn’t exist. But, seriously, the Greeks get pissed if people confuse the country of Macedonia with the historical Macedonians. They’re like people who still reminisce about high school well into their forties. They’re living in the past
That’s just human nature. Kind of like Timeloose huffing paint in his basement.
It’s much improved now that the paint is “dry” the project is chilling on the back porch. Getting the squirrels and rabbits light headed.
How does that compare to Greece? They suffer from the same but for them it’s middle school.
Living in the past.
The “Greeks” of Hanukah are the Seleucid Empire, which as I’m sure you know, originates from the Diadochi Wars after the death of Alexander.
So, Macedonians, yes.
Macedonians? Yesterday’s news. History has brushed them into the corner with the likes of Albania.
My impression is that most cultures rise above everyone else and become cemented. After a while someone else rises above them and the previous highest culture seems incapable of change. The get left behind. This happens over and over. I keep hearing about the declining American Empire but I dont see anyone on the horizon to surpass us. I think it will be a long, long time before that happens. There is too much regression going on in the world. We have some of that rot here as well.
Hellenistic peoples then. Got it.
“…which as I’m sure you know, originates from the Diadochi Wars after the death of Alexander.”
Why, of course I knew that!
I knew that *checks notes* Greeks exist.
I did not know of the existence of the
PowerSpider Rangers: Honest Trailers – Japanese Spider-Man (Supaidāman)Leopardon was basically the first live-action mecha.
So, did anyone around here from Minnesota ever bring up this gem, <from Minneapolis ward 7, Alondra Cano? I’m not sure what’s more corrupt – Washington or the machine politics in big cities. To summarize:
1. She is a foaming at the mouth prog who wantonly calls people racist, and as such was giddy at the prospect of joining in BLM protests. Forget the fact that this is a blue led city top to bottom – Democratic politicians are all too happy to blame systematic racism even in places where they are the system, and people somehow buy into this.
2. Some constituents write her letters on the subject.
3. She decides to dox these people on Twitter posting their letters and all of their information.
4. This leads her democratic cohorts to actually open an ethics investigation (my understanding is that it’s the first of its kind)
5. She then openly threatens her peers on the council when they refused to drop the matter saying that she won’t go down for this – because everyone on the council is corrupt, too, and she has the dirt to prove it.
6. Quietly, a year later, they drop the matter entirely (they mostly avoided commenting on it publicly, anyway).
7. She wins reelection, because why the fuck not.
Bonus – Cano apparently can’t even be bothered to show up to do her job, and she has the worst attendance record on the council showing up for only 4 of 11 meetings.
I’ve realized that the term “Minnesota nice” is meant ironically
Detroit.
On the Mississippi.
Small potatoes. Pols around here are so crooked some of them actually do time.
A lightning shot of pain down my back as I picked up a box at work today. Now just a dull pain, but not pleasant. No whiskey since I’m at the office. What you got for me.
I’m huffing paint
You do you
I guess all gaijin have to tote heavy boxes?
Find a chinaman, and get some opium.
Bad pufferfish
Ibuprofen and alternate ice and heat.
In a Japanese office? He’s got the heat part most likely.
What backwards, third world country doesn’t have ice and ziplock bags available? Heathens.
Aspirin and those hot sticky patches were all we have in the first aid kit. Ice on the back doesn’t sound fun.
Hot wax, administered by a dominatrix in heavy eyeliner, grinning wickedly.
Start with that. No more than 20 minutes on the back with the heat per session. More than that increases inflammation. Alternating heat and cold allows for muscle relaxation while controlling inflammation.
I’m speaking from several decades of experience.
Lidocaine cream
Not sure if that’s available across the big pond.
In re: indoctrination
Anyone other than me remember this show ?
I have so many questions.
(1) How would pollution reduce us to pushing around rickshaws? Why?
(2) What use is a monkey on such an expedition? He brings nothing to the table
Also, would Ruth
Absolutely
What’s her real name?
……and the monkey’s too?
Humpy
Jean Marie Hon
Hello…
Cause Fuck off Tulpa
^Monkey Apologist^
Yep, monkey love is the best love,
Ruth wood.
My favorite:
“Run by a Highly trained crew of
young people”Well humanity is fucked.
Nope. Dunno how I missed that – I would have watched the hell out of it when I was 7. Coincidentally, I’m working through S02 of Space: 1999 from the same year – which I did watch the hell out of when I was 7.
How about this.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1qDy4OMAkgY
Groovy. No, only heard of it through Wikipedia.
Loved UFO.
yo, Martin Landau was based af
That show was a acid trip half the time.
Vaguely. Distant feeling of boredom.
Hey! Where are my comments from last year?
Only Tulpa knows.
Listening to the high middle ages with the Teaching company, fuck off Lords
I read till midway through and then zoned out and started thinking the Jewish proscription against conversion is probably wise.
+100 Nazi leaders
Oops, I was posting in the dead thread.
Totally off topic.
Babylon Bee (a Christian version of the Onion) put a meme on Facebook posed the conundrum: “If God is both all wise and all powerful, why did He allow the Star Wars prequels?”
I love Babylon Bee
I humbly beg OMWC to explain “Sabbath Mode” on our major appliances for us Gentiles out here.
Jewish appliances?
I think that means you hire an orphan to turn them on and off on Friday night.
Apparently it’s a thing. They are both KitchenAide… or perhaps it’s (((KitchenAide)))
You can set it the day before the Sabbath so you’re not actually using it on the Sabbath. They’re cheating.
It makes the appliance play War Pigs.
That’s not kosher.
Yeah, but I’d buy that appliance!
LAUNDRY GATHERED IN IT”S MASSES!!!! OH LORD YES!
Is it not a contravention if you buy a thing intended to contravene the thing you want to contravene?
Kind of like “selling” your grains in your pantry to your Gentile neighbors at Passover and then buying them back afterwards without actually moving them.
I bought the most amazing roma tomato earlier. It was about the size of a pomegranate, and bursting, but plump and firm and all meat when I diced it up. Truly, a king of tomatoes. I’d have shed a tear when I cut it in half, but I’d already diced the onions.
That sounds like a mighty big and meaty Roma! Are you sure it was a Roma at all? And if you grew it yourself, try to get some seeds for next year. Yummy.
I have regular cherry sized Romas in my plant bed that the previous owners grew. We enjoyed a few batches in summer, but what is shocking to me now is that they have broken out in new green tomatoes and it’s nearly Christmas!!
No wonder people move to California despite the taxes/laws/regulations.
But as the taxes increase cost of living perhaps the flight of folks to other states will bring about equilibrium after a painful adjustment.
Stossel calls government creep the blob, always makes me think of Shrinking The Blob by Oleander; which I’m not quite sure, but might be anti-socialism. I like songs that can have multiple interpretations.
Hot (((girls))).
http://hotisraeligirls.tumblr.com/
I thought tumblr was crusading against porn? or is that one of the other myriad sites, I get confused.
Sir Digby! Did you watch the new episode?
Uhhh…..yeeeeah…..
I actually do my YT viewing after my Glibs time, which is when I see new H&H vids.
So, even though it’s here on glibs you’re going to wait until after you’re on glibs to watch it?
Well, to get all technical on ya; I usually only go to the most recent post, considering how late I get here. Plus, I know I’m gonna see it on YT, and no reason to get side-tracked on the comments for that post…
STOP HASSLIN’ ME, MAN!!!
But this time I told you were getting a shout out. Whatever. You don’t care. You don’t like me.
Wait…”like” like you?
I mean…you know….
No, ew cootie monster, not like like, just like. Wait, now you turned it around me? Well played.
But The Hat, I think he has a bromance goin with you.
Well, they used to call me a player.
I mean, they were pretty stupid, but, I’ll claim it now.
That really is a kick-ass episode. Maybe I’m jonesing for a Biden cartoon, and just didn’t realize it until now.
That’s the thing I’m seeing with the cartoons, the ones I think were flawless aren’t the most popular, but the ones where I see all the technical faults are. I’m guessing it’s a link about being too ambitious and failing my high standards and being safe and making a something I see as technically correct.
Heh…The Hat had me at “brief Wayne Brady cameo”.
But, seriously–the “eww, no” girl in the video? Absolute wood.
Yeah Wayne Brady seems like a guy you could just hang out with. There were women in that video?
But more seriously, the Snow Smith thing is funny as hell.
Yeah, he does. But, I think everyone sees that, and probably treats him as such upon meeting him. And that must be just as exhausting as other celeb-sighting reactions.
Um, did I miss a part of the conversation or was that a Glimore?
Oh, Wayne Brady, ok, I’m catching up.
Better than me–I don’t know what/who Snow Smith is.
SNOW SMITH COUSIN OF STEVE SMITH! It’s like a grown up Highlites mag.
OK, CPRM: You knocked that one outta the park!
That’s my favorite so far.
I just wanted to stay in contact 😉
I just watched it. Great job CPRM.
TV funhouse seems to have had an over sized influence on my cartoon style.