ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING GIFTED THE CHOSEN ONES WITH BOTH ADVICE, AND LINKS LAST WEEK. ZARDOZ REALIZES HE HAS SET EXPECTATIONS….HIGH. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF ADVICE AND THE LINK! THE ADVICE BRUTAL IS ONE ZARDOZ HAS BEST MANY TIMES IN DAYS OF OLD…”DEAR PRUDENCE“. PREPARE FOR ANOTHER CLEANSING OF THIS WRETCHED ADVICE BRUTAL.
Q: One of my closest friends in high school recently organized our 10-year reunion. I wasn’t able to attend, but the night of the event, he sent me a text saying, “We all miss you.” That was immediately followed by an extremely crude request for me to describe features of my genitals. I was shocked and upset. A friend says he was probably drunk and I should laugh it off. I’m not ready to, and I don’t think being drunk is an excuse. He had a chance to back off but persisted, even after I texted back “WTF?” He also hasn’t apologized in the days since. I feel that we don’t have a rapport where he could ask me that out of the blue, especially since we’ve drifted apart in the last decade. And I don’t feel that the fact we are both men makes it OK—I feel harassed and demeaned. I can’t let it go. Should I confront him about it or just continue to let our friendship fall by the wayside naturally?
—Old Friend Crossed New Line
A: DOES ZARDOZ HAVE TO CLEANSE A BRUTAL? “CONFRONT”? YOU SHOULD CLEANSE HIM. LET US ILLUSTRATE, ONCE AGAIN:
PENIS BAD, GUN GOOD. HOW SIMPLE DOES ZARDOZ HAVE TO MAKE IT FOR YOU TOO REMEMBER? WAIT…IF YOU CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER THAT SIMPLE STRICTURE, REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE… BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED. THEY CAN GET TWO FOR ONE TONIGHT.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
NOW, THE LINKS!
- ZARDOZ DOES NOT SEE THE DOWNSIDE OF THE FLYING BRUTALS FAILING TO REPORT. EVEN IF THEY HAD….WOULD THE FEDERAL BRUTALS OF INEPTNESS DONE ANYTHING? ZARDOZ WINS!
- “WE TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THIS!” ZARDOZ HOPES FOR A CEAUSESCU STYLE CLEANSING OF THE CASTROS IN THE NEAR FUTURE. ONCE THE CRACKS SHOW…
- AH, YOUNG BRUTALS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS….
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Comments
253 responses to “ZARDOZ FRIDAY NIGHT LINKS AND ADVICE”
Crude genitals great rock band,
First
I’m going to suck up here but Yusef Drives A Kia is a great band name
Hmmm, true
Or a great Zappa album name.
I’ve got some bad news for you Tres.
*cough cough* forgetting something Bob?
Pearl Harbor!!!!!
Nice bombing run
“And I don’t feel that the fact we are both men makes it OK.”
Well played on the reveal. Did not see that coming. A guy friend asks you to describe your genitals and you don’t say, “Asks Winston’s mom”? That’s the real WTF?
So asking “How’re they hanging” is no longer acceptable?
Long, loose, and full of juice.
I always go with ‘Back and to the left’
You shot JFK?
Well then, there’d be another pair of balls, right?
Me thinks the close friend wants to get a lot closer.
Yes. Definitely a Shyamalanian twist.
AH, YOUNG BRUTALS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS….
Right-o, cash me outside.
And wtf is a “sl*g”?
Slug… they find them disturbing and apparently a curse word. To be called such is lower than low; a slimy bottom feeder.
Or its British and I have no clue.
It is a tentacle faced creature that wants to do bad things to Abe, but often loses its pants
Something like an abcde?
That’s just people who realized their little tax exemptions would get more praise than themselves…so to mitigate it, they give it a ridiculous name to continue their importance in the world.
They call each other ‘cunt’ over there like it’s ‘pal’ or ‘buddy boy’ but they have to censor ‘Slag’?
Ya fooookin’ koont. My favorite is when a Brit says, “Don’t fook with that man. He’s hard.” OK. I won’t.
I’ve always liked ‘have a butchers’ and ‘lost ‘is bottle, ‘e ‘as’
Slag. British for slut. It’s like you don’t even Google, brah.
If this were in the US, I would assume she was one of yours.
Huh, “Slag” is the nickname my kid has for his Uncle Spud.
Appropriate.
Its distressing content….DISTRESSING!
EARLY? Who does that?
Hour-late links has made me crazy
You fookin’ slag! right, mates.
Sigh…
Drunk gf telling stories I don’t care about. I mean, I love her, but her stories…
Kill me now.
?
Maybe you need to describe your genitals to her?
Mine knows to mind her tongue. That and the Nyquil/vodka Cosby-tini™ help.
Got em!
Crush a tylonel pm up and sprinkle on top.
?
“Cosby-tini™”
Ok, I forgive you
Comes with the territory dude. If you find one that doesn’t do it let me know.
BRUTAL EXTERMINATOR ARE ON THEIR WAY. STAY THERE.
Wifey is seeing, kids are being kids and I have no clue what they are doing, I’m drinking beer waiting for my death pork to finish
Sewing…apparently google found that offensive I would suggest my wife is engaging in such activity and determined I meant ‘seeing’
Google, they autofill that correct though
YOU SHOULD CLEANSE HIM.
Like with an Ænema? ///HitThatSh*t!
I personally prefer Prision Sex
What happened to them? What a fucking great group they were.
A long nasty battle with their record company. They don’t want to release new music and have their current label profit.
yo- need moar SPARK in yo’ life, homie
Whoops…I meant this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYvEi9DXsAQ
It’s ok to admit you are listening to Beyonce.
Beyonce bae af
Yeah, she’s hawt.
ok, give you that one.
I spent a week doing craft service for a Japanese bottled water commercial in which she starred. She was one the nicest celebrities with whom I have worked. She was down to Earth, charming, and very professional. She also got really excited when she found out I brought pomegranate pips and thought I was a mind reader (her manager had reached out and said that she loved them so I brought them… I ain’t no Kreskin.)
Did you?
Twice? Go sit in the corner.
Can he bring the slag he has in his fanny pack?
Was genital boy a pussy in high school, or did he learn that in college?
I’m sure the little girl sidn’t Learn that behavior from her parents, noooo. And police can’t do anything about it because she wasn’t talking about Muslims.
George H. W. Bush was not a “Dove” or a “Man of Peace”
I am tired of the fucking fellatio for recently deceased politicians. I am also tired of Team Blue hypocrisy with regard to deceased Republican politicians. But back to the fellating of dead pols, it strikes too near (if not on the nose…) to treating them like royalty, which they are not and are not supposed to be. Likewise, the office title goes with the office. Once you are no longer in said office, you do not get the title. And you sure as hell should not get royal treatment when you pass. ///endshortrant.
What about ZardoZ?
ZARDOZ hasn’t delivered on his promises. Name one person he’s cleansed…not a one.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN DOUBTING ONE. YOU COULD ASK THESE … OH, WAIT…THEY ARE DEAD.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Thanks for setting me straight ZARDOZ, I’m sure they deserved it.
“treating them like royalty”
My wife watched the entire event, mesmerized by the theatrical performance. I told her all that military stuff was costing the taxpayer a bundle but all she was concerned with was the synchronized carrying of the casket and how beautiful the train ride was. The whole thing was choreographed to perfection, like a Hollywood production. All I could think of was Gulf War 1 and the subsequent destruction of the Middle East.
Hell, some of us still remember the Willie Horton ad.
Don’t forget the subsequent Howdy Doody tank ride.
PENIS BAD, GUN GOOD.
So which is my rifle and which is my gun?
Which is for fighting and which is for fun?
Cock Fight at the range!
Which is my cock and which…oh, never mind.
The one that’s for fun? Idk, both guns and my cock can be for fun.
Just not at the same time. Bad things can happen.
Woman shares shocking footage of young girl shouting abuse at her family and yelling ‘f****** sl*g’ while other children kick her garden gate – but claims police ‘can’t do anything because they are just small kids’
cash me outside…
They’ll toss an adult in jail for hate speech, but small kids are exempt?
This is how you wind up with a society that supports asbos.
‘f****** sl*g’
frenchy slug?
I thought I was up to speed with derogatory language, but I am unfamiliar with this one.
Felchin’s Log. Not as yummy as a Yule log.
Sure, trashy. Sure.
I clicked, and I knew what it was before I clicked.
I have a history of making poor decisions.
She’s a successful rapper now.
Is this just the usual commie fear of people forming “groups”? It’s a bizarre restriction.
Thanks for glib’s swag, overlords. The shirt is higher quality than I expected. Also an FYI: there was supposed to be a bday message included. The wife was a disappoint. Filling the flask tonight.
“Filling the flask tonight.” I love these euphemisms.
Real question: how do you fill it? The mouth is small. (Not a Yusefemism)
The last flask I bought came with a funnel
Not mine. Meh.
If you need a flask, you’re not trying hard enough
For any flask, you should also have a funnel that fits into the flask’s mouth. Then it’s just a matter of pouring slowly enough that you don’t overflow the funnel.
Not there. What would you use as a substitute?
So no funnel? Any non porous material that you can roll into a funnel shape? Because really, a funnel is what you’re going to need.
Pipette would work 🙂 Do you have a straw of some sort? How is your titration technique? Paging OMWC…
Fill a five-gallon bucket with the alcohol of your choice then submerge the flask until it fills up.
And then choose the bucket.
1) go to store for funnel
2) stop at bar for drink
2) forget why you went out
6) keep drinking
7) miss last train home
Isn’t that why they have those coffin hotels?
Or is it?
Filling the flask as an apology?
The swag showed up? I would have expected a note written by a seven year old that said “Sucker!!!”.
The last time I wore my raglan out in the wild, someone asked me if it was Mr. Peanut on my shirt.
I’m sorry, but my plane was delayed.
In the meantime, you can show her this video to get a sense of what my performance would have looked like.
Except I am going to go “full Mickey” when we do it live.
We’ll do it live!
For Yusef: The Rise and Fall of the Japanese Zero
Fire bad!
Thanks for posting that, Reb. You always seem to find some pretty cool history videos.
Have you used that web site, Brilliant.org, that he’s pushing?
I have not. Though I am an engineer by trade (land development/infrastructure, for what it’s worth..), so maybe I should check it out.
Black Sabbath in Paris, 1970, great goodness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxAhuJH94F0
Throw on a yellow vest and enjoy.
That’s awesome. Thanks for sharing. I’ll be back in an hour.
Yep.
Still laughing at these!
Dear lord.
I was waiting for the outtakes of all the self-inflicted stabbings. Let’s take this 8-inch chefs knife and poke at this pepper I’m holding in my palm.
Here ya go. One self inflicted cut.
Why are these people using a cheese slice to peel potatoes?
You mean the potato peeler most were using?
wasn’t that a wire cheese slice?
It was one of these, not one of these
Ahh I plead old eyes (and a preference for vertical peelers, those horizontal ones are faster, but that makes them knuckle tip eaters)
I have 2 eyes that can attest to wearing gloves when cleaning peppers….if you plan on taking out your contacts later.
And 3X washing with hot water and dawn didnt help.
With acids water bad.
Milk or baking soda
Noted.
Am I getting billed for that?
I only bill for verbs.
Milk is most certainly a verb.
Not as used. Dear God please tell me Tres isn’t trying to milk his eyeballs! Where did I put my malpractice policy
Milk milks Milk’s milk.
Likely get more fluid out of those than from his non-lactating nipples.
The girlfriend enjoys telling the story of the time I was packaging up some ghost chili seeds for someone, and washed my hands… but not well enough.
When the first burn started, for a brief period I was considering putting a shot of milk into my eye, until the second thoughts told me that just might make things worse in the long run. 20-25 minutes later, the fire went away.
These lenses had been rinsed/soaked 4X before I wore them today. The corneal searing stopped after about 10 minutes, and I could finally look like I hadnt just been maced.
Yes, Im that vain.
No glasses or contacts for me… mine was just rubbing my eyes, then feeling heat, and thinking, “OH SHIT!” The girlfriend offered to take me to the emergency room, which I thanked her for, but there’s no cure for capsaicin in the eye other then time. No permanent damage will occur, and I just had a red eye for that night.
Yeah….take a piss and your dick has been pepper-sprayed
/so Ive heard
Some of the wing places up here have a sign up that recommends washing your hands before and after you go to the bathroom.
Cute
I imagine they edit out any scenes with blood.
That has to be parody…its not that complicated of a process especially with the japs
I wish it were parody, because there are people literally tenderizing apples for pie
There’s a reason that Worst Cooks in America is in my list of guilty pleasures.
#metoo
I can’t even tolerate the commercials.
So the idea is they deliberately pick people who have never cooked and make them do prep work? I must be old; this is just stupid.
The interesting thing is that some of the people genuinely suck. Some are genuinely good. The rest are good at things they’ve been exposed to and have no clue about other stuff. One of the guys tenderizing the apples can cut a damn good mango.
The professional chef’s version didn’t look to me to be all that much better than what I and the second group of people do.
Yeah, in most of them the advanced amateurs pretty much know what they’re doing.
That’s sort of the stage where I’m at. Which is a lot better than a couple years ago. The thing with cutting the sides off the japs, I would not have thought of – because I don’t eat those. But all the other ones I watched were exactly what I learned to do with some self-instruction and practice.
I thought you were a fellow member of the Yellow Fever Society.
Yeah so he’s cutting off a slice of that sweet jap meat.
Also you seem to have chosen a path that really limits your ideal partners. Thicc lover with yellow fever? You picked the least likely ethnicity to be thicc?
The Hero’s Journey begins with a Call to Adventure.
Huh. There’s more of that out there than I thought.
Hey – I only copied someone else’s lazy typing.
MEME SCIENCE HAS GONE TOO FAR!
You would think that I had learned about your links by now.
#metoo
I can’t decide which one of those two looks weirder. I also couldn’t understand a word either of them mumbled.
They actually said “All necks matter”.
Relish that.
It is heart warming that in Trumps America, those two freaks could find common ground and kinship. Maybe there is hope for America.
It’s Christmas and your birthday and first sex all rolled in one.
Oh, and speaking of odd combos, Tom Woods is interviewing a TERF on today’s show.
There is a video too.
Oh wait, that is the video.
No correcting yourself. Wait until we pile on you for your mistake.
Alcohol makes me immune to criticism.
What’s cool is those two get it. They get the joke, they get the ridiculousness of it all and are able to appreciate the self depreciating humor of it.
Or it’s meant to be something else.
This charmed me.
The internet ain’t all bad.
If you think about it, the ultimate message of Star Wars Eps. 1-6 is “Bros before Hoes”.
How does Luke lip locking his sister fit into that?
If you remember, there was tension between Luke and Han until Ep. 6 when Leia assured Han that Luke was her brother. The happy ending didn’t occur until right after that scene.
Yeah, but which kiss did she like better?
She was obviously a sub. Leia’s fantasy was the bondage and torture incest scene with Daddy.
She played such a tough chick in public. All a cover, no doubt.
She played the hard and virginal warrior princess, but as soon as Luke was off playing with Yoda and Han was frozen she popped right into slave whore mode with Jabba.
What you’re also telling me is that when she was shackled and licked by Jaba The Hut’s foot long tongue she was actually shivering inside in anticipation.
I’m going to have to revisit the series with this new revelation. I think it will somehow change the meaning of a number of story lines…
Seeing that episode one turned Darth Vader into a molested little boy and Luke and Leia’s mom into a pedo freak, I think the new meanings you find may be more canonical than the old ones.
PG my ass.
1978 Bodysnatchers- a priest swinging on the playground with kids isn’t as innocent when viewed through modern eyes
Point of interest: How Russia Stopped The Blitzkrieg
Also, this is appropriate for today.
No mention of Pearl Harbor on any of the media outlets I saw yesterday. Reminds me of Bill Burr’s take on hitting women: “I’ll say that you should never hit a woman, but can you admit that not every asskicking just falls out of the fucking sky?”
*Japanese media.
I didn’t see it mentioned anywhere except here. Meanwhile this is front-page news.
Obviously saving it up for a surprise media blast in 2021 on occasion of the 80th anniversary.
I expected a lot more hoopla on Nov 11 this year than we got. 100th anniversary and all.
Agreed. I was surprised at how little it was mentioned.
Cannon. Fodder.
At least that war had a reasoned purpose.
Dude wrong front!
I don’t know of any such cinematic situations against the Japs, except this, which was a minor victory.
This was more important
Yea yea, Battle of Midway. But the real question is where is my hibachi steak and shrimp?
Mmmm, hibachi steak and shrimp. Kick their ass and then appropriate their culture. ‘Murhica.
I know it is not about the Japanese, but 10 Misconceptions About the Third Reich’s Military
Something something do not use your land armies in Asia. . .
I enjoyed that.
Jesus, bro. Sack up or grow a pair. Which is worse, in your mind: dude made a jokey faux-pass at you, or tried to disguise his actual homosexual interest in you as a goof? And: does it matter, either way? You’re getting bent over some dude asking about your twig and berries? Really? Fuck, I’ll hang out with that guy, he sounds a lot less uptight and anal than you.
I’ve got this buddy, we’ll call him Sam. His real name is John. John gets feely when he’s drunk. Like, suspiciously feely. John likes to wrestle dudes when he drinks. John plays gay chicken a little too aggressively. So you know what we do? We take some precautions. We take the precaution of inviting John to drink with us whenever we’re drinking. Because John is awesome, and who cares if he’s a handsy gay drunk? We’re not pussies.
Where on the doll did John touch you?
And?
That alone would be fine, it’s mostly finding a reason to hang on to you or pat your junk that’s unseemly.
I made out with a chick once at a party in my thirties. You don’t want to know how drunk we were.
Go on.
She’s a lot of fun. She didn’t even care that we all thought her boyfriend was gay.
Well, based on behavior, maybe she was hoping so/was counting on it…?
Maybe she was testing the waters for a MMF tryst?
Ha no, it was just a drunken lark for both of us. I don’t even remember if he was part of the picture yet. Prolly not, now that I think about it, or he would have likely been there.
Ah, yes–that would pretty much trash my theories.
She does sound like a fun one. Is she still around?
/asking for a probably-no-gay friend
Nah, she and he disappeared years ago.
They disappeared, or they were disappeared? This is New York after all.
Yep.
Are you sure he’s gay? This sounds a lot like Warty, who is very much not.
Alright you clowns, prepare yourselves.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uHdGCtAxYOY/T205Dtp9LhI/AAAAAAAAFBE/nLZZvz5xM1k/s1600/Lucy+Collett+Sexy+New+Topless+Nuts%27+Girl+Debut+Photoshoot+www.GutterUncensored.com+023.jpg
NSFW.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BHo0p4m6DM8/USRqChc_QmI/AAAAAAAAUJc/VCQGRX7UtDE/s1600/Holly-Peers-7.jpg
NSFW.
http://a3.img.mobypicture.com/cffb35c4e0095207f73e57dd43ac2f18_view.jpg
NSFW.
http://thefappening.pro/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Lucy-Pinder-Nude-17.jpg
NSFW.
http://nudehaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/sophie-howard-topless-take-us-through-the-looking-glass-5871-9.jpg
NSFW.
And before you ask, yes I’m drunk.
I worked my last day and my ex-job until 4 this afternoon, then went to the Christmas party for my new job at 6.
It was like getting a divorce and heading straight from the lawyer’s office to your girlfriend’s for a blow job.
I can tell you’re drunk. You posted multiple photos of fat chicks.
All good fantasies are tinged with a bit of realism.
4 Spud.
http://www.babes4all.net/hegre-archives/elena/images/006.jpg
NSFW.
4 Straff.
http://nudeboobsphotos.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Hana-Nonoka-Japanese-Girl-Huge-Boobs-Naked-Photos-7.jpg
NSFW.
“These are my boobies. Not ashamed or proud of them”. But then again, I’m not good at mind reading.
Best of the three.
First was best. The rest were a little too, how do I put this… late.
^^ I love this guy. ABQ 4 LIFE!
We have a winner.
I want to have babies with her.
If you’re going to neti pot, use distilled water plz.
https://www.foxnews.com/health/washington-woman-dead-from-brain-eating-amoeba-after-using-neti-pot-filled-with-tap-water-report-says
I use tap water.
Now that I know WTF that is, I can cross it off my list of anything I would even consider doing.
I’m not even comfortable drinking tap water after reading that.
Yikes.
What is the phenomenon called where you read a news article on a subject with which you’re somewhat familiar, and the journalist gets it all entirely wrong, then you turn the page to another story and forget what you’d just realized about journalists?
I mistakenly called it Dunning-Kruger when trying to describe it to a friend earlier, which is just… depressingly ironic.
I think that’s called Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome.
Not to be confused with Rimsky-Korsakov Syndrome.
Sakes alive. I’m at work trying to translate this millennial gal’s gibberish into English and you hit me with this? I’m confuzzled.
Now I get. I think that’s the Lucy-Charlie syndrome.
No, that actually refers to kids who suffer from ‘football head’
Hah! Perfect.
I think you want this
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gell-Mann_amnesia_effect
Even worse, I’m pretty sure I called it Dunning-Keurig.
Gell-Mann Amnesia 😛 And I only found it because I remembered Michael Crichton coined it.
Robots are going to replace you.
https://www.npr.org/2018/11/09/666239216/ai-news-anchor-makes-debut-in-china
To be sure.
Old news, Mostly Daily With Andrew Heaton had that story 2 weeks ago. Get with the times. Next thing you’ll say you haven’t heard of the church in Spain that’s been being built for over 100 years, and now the city is saying they don’t have the proper permits.
Neat video. I didn’t know they were still working on that. My city has one that’s been under construction for more than 100 years too.
So presumably these apartment blocks are now ‘New York City Landmarks’ heh.
Pork was suspicious at best…luckily I have two 13 year olds…so they eat anything. And I’m drunk now
Ah, the freedom of not having to be up a t 4am on Saturday, I feel so alive! Next Saturday though…
Meh, I’ve got to be up by 07:00 tomorrow just in case the group I support forgot to mention anything else that they would call in as a high priority ticket tomorrow morning. The past two Saturdays have had me working on “fixing” shit that they had designed.
Those few hours mean so much more at night when one is drinking.
OK, in all seriousness-
WTEverlovinF is going on in that video with the limey kids? I mean, beyond whatever they’re saying. Is it just honkeys behaving badly, or, did I miss something?
A presumably grown person is so scared of kids making fun of her for being Polish she hides behind a fence and forgets how to work her phone camera.
But, I see a business opportunity, they say they pay for videos, I make videos, I can make kids scream racist things. Sounds like a sound income stream.
OK, then.
You-CPRM…. You go run the Mail, or the Sun, or whatever that shit rag is. When you get there, talk very slowly, and don’t pronounce any R’s, T’s, or, H’s–maybe they will understand you. Tell ’em Sir Digby said, “Get to steppin’, fuckheads!”.
/See, the “Sir” part will make ’em believe what you say.
I can only do a good british accent when I’m drunk, so I’ll probably fit right in.
Li’l chav club training exercise?
Got it.
You go with CPRM and help with making that rag make some sense.
I don’t think so. The little monsters appear to be out of control.
I’m sick of it…you have something Mueller? Present it. .without redacted notes. If Trump really did something to undermine our elections, let the People see it. Otherwise it’s a cloak and dagger game of partisian nonsense.
Local news break was all in “we got ‘im now!” mode. I’m reading tonight’s hot take and it’s all a nothingburger.
Exactly. If the man did something against the law, say it. Otherwise it’s a big game of political chess.
Paying off people in normal NDAs isn’t against the law. Nor is it undermining the elections.
Why did I watch this? I want to die now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbJOTdZBX1g