The madness is about to begin. All the food stocks have been laid in, bottles of wine are standing up, Champagne is chilling, and the TV is programmed for SP and me to have a Norman Rockwell-style traditional Thanksgiving on the couch, yelling at 22 guys on a grass field pounding the shit out of one another. Life is close to perfect, and (not to be smarmy) we are super thankful for all the wonderful friends from here and the old Reason days whom we’ve gotten to spend time with, both virtual and face-to-face.

Enough being sincere, time to light the Snark Signal.

 

From Germany, this delightful story.

Nothing lasts forever — and a German teenager has learned that lesson the hard way, by losing his driving license just 49 minutes after passing his test. The 18-year-old, who was apparently celebrating his achievement by driving four of his friends around, was clocked traveling at almost twice the speed limit less than an hour after his test, police said. They also speculated that the driver was trying to impress his fellow passengers.

Huh, you have to admire fine detective work like that.

We have a new party game- who can find the most hilarious quotes from this deep pile of bullshit?

Time after time, I run into scientists who claim, almost in the same breath, that they are committed to improving the lives of others but that they have no interest in listening to these people they are supposedly committing themselves to. This was brought home to me some years ago, when I was advising the U.S. President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology on the safe and beneficial development of nanotechnology.

I might nominate that one, wondering, “Who advises the advisers?”

As I read this sludge, I wondered, “Is this someone who has even the slightest notion of how product development works, as opposed to tech research?” Then I found (unsurprisingly) that not only has he never worked outside of academia, he runs a FUD Ranch, raking in money from grant agencies, book sales, foundations, and companies in CYA mode. And I note that in the movie he uses as his frightening example (a great film, by the way, though the comedy escapes him), no one is actually harmed except the dignity of the inventor. Oh, wait, there’s the Milton Friedman spoon fallacy:

In Stratton’s scientist brain, his breakthrough is going to transform the world. He assumes that people are sick of washing, mending, and replacing their clothes, and that his invention will liberate them. He dreams of a future where you only need to buy one set of clothes—ever. In Stratton’s head, what’s good for him is also good for everyone, and a world without the messiness of buying, washing, and looking after clothes is definitely one that he’s excited about. But there’s a problem—several, as it turns out. And one of the biggest is that Sidney never thought to ask anyone else what they wanted or needed.

After he cracks the secret of his new fabric, word of the discovery leaks out, and everything begins to fall apart. Those in the textile industry realize that this is not going to end well: They need their products to wear out and need replacing if they’re to stay in business, and the very last thing they need is clothes that last forever. Mill owners and their investors aren’t the only ones who stand to lose from Sidney’s invention. If the industry collapsed because of his new textile, the workforce would be out on the streets. And so, in a Luddite-like wave of self-interest, they all set about challenging Sidney, not because they are anti-science, but because they are pro–having jobs that pay the bills. Even Sidney’s landlady plaintively asks, “Why can’t you scientists leave things alone? What about my bit of washing, when there’s no washing to do?”

Sheesh.

I know I shouldn’t find this funny, and I’m going to Hell for laughing.

This is the shocking moment a TV news presenter falls to the floor as he has a heart attack live on air.

And what’s worse, I thought, “We need more of this.”

Remember that last climate model? Well, forget it, we have a new climate model!

The UA-led team found that by the year 2100, sea level could rise as much as 10 inches more than the previous estimate of approximately 30 inches by 2100. To figure out whether the melting of the Antarctic ice sheet would affect global climate, the research team modified one of the most current climate computer models to include the ice melt.

Adding the melted ice into the team’s model indicated that the global temperature would increase by 2 degrees C (3.6 F) by the year 2065, rather than the year 2053, the team writes.

“Hey, that’s still plenty of grant time before our prediction is falsified!” GodDAMN, I love academic science.

San Francisco is a one-city source of the most hilarious links we post here.

High-priced San Francisco is known for launching trends, however, feces-laced graffiti may be the most peculiar and disgusting one yet.

While surveying parts of downtown San Francisco, the NBC Bay Area Investigative Unit discovered graffiti that appeared to look as if it were made from feces. The markings were found along sidewalks on two different blocks: 700 block of Ellis Street, between Polk and Larkin Streets, and the 500 block of Larkin Street, between Eddy and Turk Streets. Piles of excrement were also found near each of the markings. However, NBC Bay Area did not test the graffiti to confirm the presence of feces.

Don’t worry, the mayor is on it!

In comparing [Mayor London] Breed’s first three months in office with the three months prior, San Francisco 311 data reflects an 8 percent increase in complaints regarding used needles, 3 percent increase concerning trash, and 30 percent increase regarding human feces.  “I don’t think it’s because the city is actually dirtier,” Breed said. “I think it’s because more people are reporting the challenges that exist.”

While Breed acknowledges “there is still work to be done” in cleaning up San Francisco, she no longer appears willing to attach any type of time table to future progress. When asked when stepping over feces will no longer be the norm in San Francisco, she quipped, “soon rather than later.” When pressed for more specifics, Breed, with a smile, repeated herself, “sooner rather than later.”

If Sloopy or Banjos are looking in, you may want to check your kids’ whereabouts.

Old Guy Music! And this is short and fun, just like SP.