Wednesday Morning Links

While (most of) you were sleeping, the Astros managed to win a game and hang on to a share of the AL West lead in the process since the A’s did likewise.  I don’t know how it came to this, but injuries can’t be blamed nearly as much as a dreadful bullpen can.  I’m starting to watch the Mariners as much as the A’s now and see how we’re looking in the second wild card slot.  Your other winners yesterday were: Washington, Atlanta, Toronto (poor Balmer), Cleveland, Detroit, New York (NL), New York (AL), Cincinnati, Minnesota, San Diego, Arizona, and St Louis.

Give this man his job back

In college football news, Jimbo Fisher has some kid lob a bunch of accusations at him and is given a chance to respond (after the story was printed, of course) but declines to. Most of the complaints sound like a kid who doesn’t want to work hard anymore. A couple are a bit more serious, but we should remember that we’re only getting to hear one side of the story before the “investigation” is done and should take them with a grain of salt.  Meanwhile, Ohio State’s Board of Trustees will meet this morning to discuss the Zach and Courtney Smith saga and the role Urban Meyer played in it.  Rumors are swirling, with most people saying he will receive at most a short suspension. I guess we’ll all know some time today (after refreshing our google search of “Urban Meyer” every two minutes) when it finally breaks.  But if they fire him, you’re gonna have a lot of pissed off fans, boosters students, players, coaches and anyone who respects journalistic integrity and a right to respond before a story is published (and stealth edited a dozen times without note).  And fuck Brett mcMurphy for essentially using a scorned woman to advance his career. He’s ruining the lives of her children in an attempt to settle a score with Meyer, and its disgusting.  Also, fuck hypocrites like Clay Travis and Doug Gottlieb for being the way they are.

Thank you for your greatness

Frog composer Claude Debussy was born on this date. He shares it with: American chemist and founder of GE research lab Willis Rodney Whitney, Crazy Kat cartoonist George Herriman, author Dorothy Parker, filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl, Sociopathic communist Deng Xiaoping, blues master John Lee Hooker, brilliant author Ray Bradbury, “Stormin’” Norman Schwarzkopf, Red Sock Cary Yastrzemski, football coach Bill Parcells, felon Scooter Libby, Brewer/Blue Jay/Twin Paul Molitor, musicians Vernon Reid, Juan Croucier, Debbi Peterson, and Tori Amos, tennis legend Mats Wilander, television’s Giada De Laurentiis, actress Kristin Wiig, and Wu-Tang Clan member GZA.

Its also the date on which James Cook landed in Australia, the HMS Resolution returned to England (without Cook), the US annexed New Mexico, Gandhi formed the NIC, Cadillac was founded, J Edgar Hoover was named assistant director of the FBI (but didn’t wear a dress to the ceremony), the Beatles arrived in New York for the first time, the last VW Rabbit rolled off the assembly line, “Stand By Me” was released, Nolan Ryan recorded his 5000th strike out (Rickey Henderson), and FBI sniper Lon Horiuchi murdered Vicki Weaver in Idaho.

That’s it for all that. Now…the links!

“Just write anything you want and I’ll sign it”

Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to a slew of crimes, including campaign finance laws and later accused Trump of ordering him to pay Stormy Daniels off.  Because somehow a mutually-agreed-upon NDA is illegal in this day and age even if you use your own money.

Elsewhere, Paul Manafort was found guilty on 8 of the 18 charges he faced, with a mistrial being declared in the other ten cases. I guess he’ll be trading the ostrich vest for an orange jumpsuit.  I just wonder if he will finally be let out of 24 hour solitary confinement now that he’s been convicted of the horribly dangerous crime of bank fraud.

Rose McGowan under fire for being a hypocrite. What a shame she decided to go and become a nutcase. She was pretty hot at one time.

You’re crazy? #metoo!

And in “even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while” news, it looks like the California government is going to do something right for a change.  Good for them. I hope this catches on quickly and we get some real bail system reform across the country.

Chicago police chief gets it wrong again. Well, mostly wrong. Maybe he needs to find a mirror or a look at the amount of money his department has cost the city in excessive force and wrongful death suits over the past decade. Or the reports of his black hole jails people get thrown into and disappear.

The Mollie Tibbetts case reached a grisly and sad ending. Now we can move on to the finger-pointing about the killer being an illegal immigrant (true), about the fact that he worked for a prominent republican family (true) and about how nobody cares about shit like this unless its a pretty white girl (not true), and all the other people out there who will climb on her dead body for their own selfish bullshit (without a doubt).

And in news that everyone who thinks about race first will be interested in, Idris Elba announces that he will NOT be the next James Bond. I hear that matters to a lot of people. I’m sure we will get a lot of hot takes throughout the day on it, although I won’t care because I’m completely absorbed in my work (and the Urban Meyer situation, obviously).

No, I most definitely did not go with Tori Amos. She does nothing for me. Instead, rock on!

That’s it. (except to say “Free Urban!”)  Go have a great day, friends!

Comments

598 responses to “Wednesday Morning Links”

  1. Rebel Scum

    Because somehow a mutually-agreed-upon NDA is illegal in this day and age even if you use your own money.

    The truth is not the truth.

    1. PieInTheSKy

      What campaign finance law was broken? I did not fully follow… Was campaign money used for the NDA payment?

      1. WTF

        I think the theory is that paying her off to keep quiet was intended to benefit the campaign, so therefore a violation of campaign finance law. Maybe one of the lawyer Glibs can clarify.

        1. PieInTheSKy

          I mean if I was rich and married I would pay even if I was not running for office…

          1. AlexinCT

            Yeah, and you can bet every democrat pol has done this, and if it was one of them, you know the dnc operatives with bylines would be burying the story, but it is just more shit being flung at the wall in the hopes they somehow can bring down Trump. I tell people this repeatedly now: the left is telling us if they are not in charge, nobody will be allowed to be in charge. And that is frightening.

          2. Stinky Wizzleteats

            Nobody will be in charge? Sounds like a win to me.

          3. AlexinCT

            The deep state always will be. Our Oligarchy are not about to lose either their power or their grip on wealth and wealth redistribution schemes.

      2. The way I understand it, is that even if he used his own money it’s a violation of campaign finance laws because paying her off was meant to help his electoral chances. So now you can apparently violate campaign finance laws without using campaign finances to do something most people would do in order to keep something secret whether they were running for office or not.

        It’s fucking retarded.

        1. LJW

          Sounds to me it’s the perfect technicality this whole Russian investigation was out to find.

        2. WTF

          But if there’s no limit to how much of your own money you can spend on your own campaign, where’s the violation? It just doesn’t make much sense.

          1. AlexinCT

            There is no sense to this idiocy. Every politician would be in jail if this was really enforced. I am looking for it, but I remember some huge team blue pol recently walking away even though they had actually misappropriated campaign money, and it was simply because the feds chose to turn a blind eye. We are not a nation of laws or principles anymore. Obama truly changed America… Into a banana republic.

        3. AlexinCT

          It’s not retarded. It is evil, because this shit is selectively enforced. Obama and both Clintons would both be behind bars if this was really enforced all the time.

        4. Stinky Wizzleteats

          If he used his own money he can just claim it was to avoid marital strife and embarrassment unless Cohen has a recording of him expressing campaign worries when talking about the payment, that’d be another matter.

          1. But it shouldn’t matter. The campaign finance laws are written to be arbitrarily enforced to punish outsiders. Shit like this is nobody’s business unless campaign funds are exclusively used for shit like this and not disclosed properly.
            The same way running campaign funds through a law firm for “legal expenses” can be used to fund a foreign spy network’s collection of opposition research on your opponents should be legal.

          2. Stinky Wizzleteats

            You’re preaching to the choir Sloopy.

        5. Brett L

          Money is fungible. you can’t just use “your” money for election-related purposes because that would allow you to get around reporting and donation limits. We can argue about right or wrong, but that part makes sense. Any money in your control spent on changing the results of the election is “campaign money” according to the law. The right way to do it is set up very expensive “Get Out the Vote” bussing schemes that may or may not include a complimentary meal or bottle of Thunderbird.

          1. WTF

            See Rebel Scum’s post at 7:13 for a counterargument.

          2. That part doesn’t make sense, though, as any expenditure meant to keep your wife from finding something out could arbitrarily be found to have helped your campaign indirectly.
            They’re basically saying you can’t spend anything of your own once you announce without also putting it on a disclosure form. It prevents people from continuing to live a private life while running for public office. That’s insane.

          3. Brett L

            Any money in your control spent on changing the results of the election

            Very important. I’m open to being wrong, but it looks bad. Yes, obviously, they are reading the law differently for Trump than the Clintons or anyone else. I’m sure this sort of thing happens all the time. On the other hand, how do you want the election law to read? Spend any money you want on shady things the public might want to know about you before voting for you as long as it never touches your campaign’s financial structure?

          4. AlexinCT

            Very important. I’m open to being wrong, but it looks bad. Yes, obviously, they are reading the law differently for Trump than the Clintons or anyone else.

            You think?

            B-A-N-A-N-A R-E-P-U-B-L-I-C…

            That is the change Obama gave us.

          5. WTF

            But you are not limited in how much of your own money you can spend on your own campaign.

          6. Spend any money you want on shady things the public might want to know about you before voting for you as long as it never touches your campaign’s financial structure?

            Yes. This is exactly what I want. Because he is a private citizen and what he does with his own money is none of my business ever. If I want to know about his private affairs, I’m free to pay and investigate them on my own.

          7. robc

            How about, ” Spend any money you want.”

          8. Bob

            Put all the campaign contributions into a fund. Use the money from that fund for only campaign related things. It doesn’t strike me as a terribly difficult problem to solve.

          9. AlexinCT

            It would prevent the graft and illegal stuff team blue – and to a lesser extend candidates from team red team blue feels are no thereat to them – is allowed to get away with.

          10. Or spending your own $$ in an amount of say, 70k to buy and outfit a new van to travel around for GOTV purposes. I mean, it’s making a difference in the campaign’s effectiveness.

          11. Banjos

            Someone whitens their teeth, buys new clothes, hires landscapers to improve their home during an election are they now going to have to report it because these things helped their election? That’s insane.

          12. Didn’t they hammer Palin for using campaign funds rather then her own money to buy a wardrobe when McCain chose her as his VP nominee?
            The way this law is written, sounds like they can prosecute her if she spends campaign funds OR her own money unless she disclosed the personal expenditure.

            You’re eliminating the private lives of people who choose to run for office. That’s the road to a ruling class. The way Trump is being treated makes me believe a large percentage of America including the media want it that way. I don’t.

          13. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Campaign finance laws are there to protect the empowered and keep the rabble out. That is why they should be abolished.

          14. Pope Jimbo

            Where is the line?

            You wore the fancy suits you own to a campaign event. Does that expense have to be reported.

            Even time wise. What if a politician pays off an accuser while in some lower office. Do you have to report that when you run for higher office later?

          15. The Last American Hero

            So if I use my money to buy a few new suits, get a snappy haircut, whiten my teeth, and hire a life coach, that could help me win office and is therefore a crime?

        6. Scruffy Nerfherder

          Meanwhile the alleged $84 million in campaign finance violations by the Clinton campaign go unmentioned, uninvestigated, and unprosecuted.

          This is why nobody pays attention to these minor violations by Trump. He’s being chased for issues that pale in comparison to the shenanigans of Clinton Inc.

          1. LIES! The Clinton Foundation was a charity, Rethugikkkan!

        7. Bob

          It’s a pretty loose standard. You could argue buying clothes is meant to help your campaign image also. Politicians don’t report spending their own money on themselves as a campaign contribution for many things.

          I’d say the whole idea of campaign finance was to limit quid pro quo. To make spending money on your own campaign a crime accomplishes the opposite.

    2. Rebel Scum

      Speaking of, what do the legal glibs (or anyone else) think of this argument.?

      The Federal Election Campaign Act of 1971, Title 52, United States Code Section 30101 states in part that individuals are limited to making donations of $2,700 to presidential candidates. Cohen is accused of spending money in violation of the Act. Although Cohen spent more than $2,700 on behalf of Trump, he was reimbursed by Trump, so Trump was ultimately spending money on himself, and there is no limit on how much a person may spend on their own presidential campaign, so this section does not apply.

      The Campaign Act also prohibits corporations from contributing directly to presidential campaigns. Cohen set up dummy corporations to make the payments and pled to making improper corporate donations. But again, although the money technically came from corporations, ultimately, all the money came from Donald Trump, so again these limitations do not apply.

      But more importantly, this was not a campaign expenditure at all. Constitutional scholar Mark Levin has interviewed former Federal Election Commission Chairman Bradley Smith repeatedly on his show over the past year, and Smith has made the point that “dual use” expenditures are not “campaign expenditures” under the meaning of the Act.

      1. straffinrun

        Bingo. “Dual use”. Not illegal.

      2. The Last American Hero

        You had me until Mark Levin.

        1. The bitter little man might be a mean-spirited cuss, but it was the guest who was providing the analysis.

  2. ChipsnSalsa

    Chicago police chief gets it wrong again.

    Should have blamed it on Indiana, always blame Indiana bro.

  3. Slammer

    ITS OVER THIS TIME DRUMPF IS DONE FOR SURE DRUMPKINS!!11!!!!1

    1. AlexinCT

      If the left is not in charge of things, then nobody will be allowed to be in charge…

      And the laws are for the enemies of the state..

      Obama’s new changed America.

  4. I’m lucky this place has stayed off the radar – the bastards changed the work proxy and now I don’t know what sites are blocked anymore.

    1. PieInTheSKy

      But think of the excitement every time you try to open a website…

      1. When I’m trying to get away from the stupid in the office, uncertainty is the last thing I want.

        1. This is the price you pay for being a Luddite when it comes to phones.

          1. No phone has enough screen real estate to browse. And then you have to pay for the bluetooth keyboard and mouse. It’s just not worth it.

            And if you think pawing at the tiny screen like a savage is any sort of user interface, I’m just going to pity you.

          2. Slammer

            You don’t own a special pair of phone gloves?

          3. WTF

            Of course he does, how else would he protect his hands from the elctromagnetic radiation?!

          4. I only own three types of gloves – winter gloves, driving gloves, and disposable gloves for spray priming miniatures.

          5. AlexinCT

            No “love gloves”?

            You one of those guys that says using a rubber is like taking a shower with a raincoat on?

          6. straffinrun

            I feel a little bad about the glove thing becoming a meme.

          7. Mojeaux

            I feel a little bad about the glove thing becoming a meme.

            Ditto.

          8. Mojeaux

            @straffinrun

            Thank you! Listening now (only a couple of minutes in).

            Rose Wilder Lane, Isabel Paterson, and Ayn Rand were friends, then IIRC fell out over the existence of God. Rand was mad that Paterson was a devout Christian, and Lane wouldn’t let go of the idea of a creator deity.

          9. straffinrun

            She mentions how her critics focused only on one little excerpt and didn’t read the rest of her work. IOW, TL;DR LIW. Sounded familar.

          10. Not Adahn

            I feel a little bad about the glove thing becoming a meme.

            Are you kidding? Who else has managed to have two different memes hung on them? UCS should feel honored.

          11. Yeah, it’s a real bitch to type with two thumbs and scroll with one. I don’t know how the 90% of the public our rgere could possibly think it’s a convenient and simple way of navigating the web and sharing commentary with others.

            -Sent from my iPhone

          12. It is neither convenient nor simple to operate a phone that way.

          13. The overwhelming majority of the population would vehemently disagree with that.

          14. So what? They’re not the ones who matter when discussing my phone.

          15. Then maybe you should have said:
            It is neither convenient nor simple for me to operate a phone that way.

            Right?

          16. But if I did that, we wouldn’t be having this discussion about how you’ve succumbed to peer pressure.

          17. I didn’t succumb to peer pressure. I made a business decision in order to more readily communicate with people. Also using it personally as my primary communication aid information device is not due to any pressure I’ve received. That’s just silly.

          18. Jarflax

            Did someone reveal that UCS is a Michigan fan or something? Seems like every morning Sloopy is going after him lately.

          19. I never can tell when it’s good-natured or mean-spirited, so I assume it’s good-natured and roll with it.

            Getting angry over internet back and forth is pretty pointless, so I avoid it.

          20. *avoid getting angry.

            in case the context didn’t make it clear I’ll argue at the drop of a pixel.

          21. robc

            rgere

            I think UCS wins this one.

            Or my vocubalary is lacking.

          22. so I assume it’s good-natured and roll with it.

            A wise decision.

            I’ve only ever really gone hard after someone online a few times. And it sure as shit wouldn’t be with someone I genuinely like over something as trivial as their cellphone choice, hatred of quality regional cuisines or handwear needs.

          23. …I gotta agree with UCS here. Even after ten years of “Design for mobile first!” being the mantra in web design mobile devices are poo compared to a laptop or (preferably) desktop computer for most websites. There are limitations inherent to the form factor that you just can’t escape.

          24. MikeS

            I too, am going to agree with UCS here. For two reasons.

            1. He’s right
            2. Now I can say I only disagree with him on almost everything.

          25. Stinky Wizzleteats

            Get a phone and a tablet and use the phone as a hot spot if you don’t like the small screen. It works for me.

          26. PieInTheSKy

            A large tablet may be conspicuous at work…

          27. You could just use an HTC Vive. Nobody will notice anyway.

          28. Well, shit, my phone battery is dead. Damn thing only lasts four days these years.

    2. I thought you were in IT. Don’t you know how to get around the proxy?

      1. When I ran the proxy I had no problems.

        Now that we’re consolidated, the network archtecture went from “sensible” to “corrupt dumbfuckery” and when the change literally happened last night, I haven’t had much time to collect information. Data sharing is not something they do in the consolidated environment, so no one knows what anyone else is doing.

        1. I thought you were in the part of IT that gave everybody else access.

          1. I’m in the part of IT that fixes shit that broke.

      2. Nephilium

        Most companies segregate access based on job duties, so you have access to just your area of expertise and responsibility. I’ve been supporting VOIP phones for quite some time now, and in most places, only had minimal access to the network routers/switches (current place I’ve got no access, but that’s for other reasons). It starts getting even more of a headache once you start factoring in stuff like PCI (Payment Card Industry) compliance.

        1. It starts getting even more of a headache once you start factoring in stuff like PCI (Payment Card Industry) compliance.

          ::starts shaking violently::

          I swear, that’s a scam. Both my merchant bank and card processor are constantly “testing” me to ensure I maintain my compliance. It’s a bigger pain in the ass than dealing with customers who don’t understand taxes, buyers premiums or handling charges.

          1. Nephilium

            I agree entirely. At one place our “PCI Consultant” told us we were going to need to have all of our agents use two factor authentication to log into the phones to take calls (web based client), because there was a chance that a customer would give their CC number over the phone, and the calls were recorded. The recordings were encrypted, and the web client didn’t touch or link to any audio streams.

  5. PieInTheSKy

    And in news that everyone who thinks about race first will be interested in, Idris Elba announces that he will NOT be the next James Bond. I hear that matters to a lot of people. I’m sure we will get a lot of hot takes throughout the day on it, although I won’t care because I’m completely absorbed in my work (and the Urban Meyer situation, obviously). – It matters to me as I always though the next Bond should be a disabled POC nonbinary otherkin but assigned female at birth.

    1. WTF

      That actually sounds…hilarious! Someone should make that movie.

      1. Didn’t David Niven already try?

        1. AlexinCT

          Pink Panther?

          Dude even was animaled.

    2. Slammer

      disabled POC nonbinary otherkin but assigned female at birth.

      That one will be the next The Ohio State University coach

      1. “Introducing the first non-binary otherkin coach to have beaten Michigan three times in a row.”
        -Columbus Dispatch three years after that hire is made

        1. AlexinCT

          Cruelty!

    3. Democractic Hitler

      Who cares? James Bond movies became irrelevant when Roger Moore left the role, partly because the subsequent actors couldn’t fill Roger and Sean’s shoes and partly because the times passed the movies by.

      1. Count Potato

        It’s because Ian Fleming stopped writing after he died.

  6. Atanarjuat

    Not to be insensitive, but even at 17, if an Italian movie star blew me and screwed me in a hotel room and then gave me $380K I’d feel like the luckiest person alive.

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Although you would probably waste the money on college instead of getting a Ferrari

    2. Would you though, if she acted like your mother and called you her son for the previous decade? I doubt it.

      1. Atanarjuat

        Well, I didn’t know that part. Although I’ve heard that Asia’s father directed her in movies with a bunch of nude sex scenes so she must come by it honestly.

      2. AlexinCT

        Isn’t that mommy banging stuff a pr0n genre? This kid not woke? Or is the problem that he wanted more moolah?

        1. Suthenboy

          Bingo. He wants money.

      3. Endless Mike

        Maybe, but then you say, “No! Gross! You’re an old lady, like my mom or something!” And it all ends. The money flowing to this kid over this thing is ridiculous, the fact that he is trying to get MORE after 6 years is criminal.

    3. Endless Mike

      SOMEBODY FINALLY SAID IT

    4. Even if it were Roberto Benigni?

  7. MikeS

    Ratt and Roll baby!

    I love Ratt. But on John Lee’s b-day, we gotta play this.

  8. Suthenboy

    What the hell is this ‘hot actress assaults 17 yo’ crap? Sack up goddammit.

    1. Drake

      Everyone in the article is a narcissistic nut job. We talked the other day about how before electronic media, actors were viewed as lower than prostitutes – and still should be.

    2. She groomed him for ten years and acted like his mother. She talked like she was his mother. I’d assume that had a pretty profound impact on his adolescent development. To have that person rip your pants off and screw you one day is a lot different than it happening when you first meet. That’s why this is so fucked it.

      1. WTF

        That is pretty fucked up.

      2. Stinky Wizzleteats

        What she did was creepy as hell, that’s for sure-the mom talk is just over the top.

        1. Pretty tame by pornhub standards, I reckon.

          1. Stinky Wizzleteats

            I was adopted so it gets under my skin a bit more than most I guess.

      3. Yeah, this isn’t one of those “hot for teacher” deals. This is more like the “aunt” family friend who you’ve known since you were a little kid suddenly coming on to you. There’s an incest angle here that makes this actually wrong.

      4. Endless Mike

        When I was in high school, we all called our friends’ moms “Mom” – wouldn’t have caused me to hesitate a moment with ‘s mom.

    3. Endless Mike

      It’s statutory rape in California, of all places. Funny no one is talking about criminal charges.

      1. ElspethFlashman

        It surprises me that the age of consent in CA is higher than Michigan’s.

        1. Endless Mike

          Corrupt governments often have the strictest laws – it makes selective enforcement that much easier.

        2. The Last American Hero

          Can’t marry your second cousin in Cali either.

  9. Client-Attorney confidentiality – what?

    1. Drake

      Amazing, ain’t it?

    2. Endless Mike

      Don’t worry, the special prosecutor will carefully sift through everything to make sure attorney-client privilege is preserv….aaaannnndd we’ve leaked it all.

  10. Drake

    Connecting some dots…

    This is floating around the internet toady. Lot’s of strange coikidinks…

    1. PieInTheSKy

      r/greatawakening sounds totes legit… Then again in this day and age you never know what is what.

    2. Slammer

      Q predicted this

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      You gotta hand it to the Clintons, they know how to not get prosecuted.

      1. Drake

        I’m still amazed that Mueller gave Tony Podesta immunity for the same crime Manafort was just convicted of x 100.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          I’ve heard rumors that wasn’t true, but I can’t find any current news on it.

          1. Drake

            I don’t hear stories about him being held in solitary awaiting trial.

        2. AlexinCT

          It’s only amazing if you are not seeing this is nothing but a witch hunt…

    4. Barsoomian? Barsoom? The Clintons are working directly with the Martians!

    1. Pat

      so i was gunna train today but i ripped my nutsack in half. im bout to get stitched up. i was holdn a board over my head with a drill n my pants. i was sizin up the board n the drill went off n tangled my nuts up n it. i dropped the board and reversed the drill and untangled my nutsack but they was ripped in half. im serious too lol. i obviously can tpost a pic. but wen my nuts r sealed back up ima come train again. i think a high kick would re rip them haha. and if i hear any shitty puns bout how this whole this is nutty or screwed up i aint talking to u for bout a month. if ure gunna drop a pun to make fun of me atleast put sum thot into lol

      Submitted without comment.

      1. Brett L

        Any man who can make a joke about getting his scrotum wrapped up in drill is tougher than I want to fight.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          On this we agree

        2. AlexinCT

          Scrote ripping jokes are not jokes, man…

        3. Tejicano

          I dunno. My first reaction was – “How stupid and instinct averse do you have to be to place a power tool anywhere within striking range of any feature of your manhood?”

          1. AlexinCT

            And WTF was he wearing? Cause you have to be in underwear or some real flimsy shit for that stuff to grab your sack…

          2. Spartacus

            Maybe he had it tucked into his waistband, pistol-style. Still seems like a serious lapse in judgment. Nutty, even.

          3. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Plaxico style

          4. The Last American Hero

            Plaxico went to jail and lost his job. I guess he should have been an FBI agent instead of a receiver.

    2. Pope Jimbo

      I hope to doG that it was a cordless drill.

      If it wasn’t cordless, my guess is that getting his nuts wrapped around a drill bit was the second most painful thing that ever happened to him. The first?

      Well if it was a corded drill here is how I see it happening:

      1) Stick drill into pants
      2) Drill turns on and your nuts are wrapped around the bit
      3) Run blindly in panic because your nuts are being mangled
      4) Hit the end of the cord
      5) Look back fondly at the time when your troubles were limited only to just having your nuts around a drill bit.

      That would be the #1 most painful thing that happened to you.

    3. mikey

      A router I bought had something like this as one on the many warnings: “Do no place router bit down in your lap while it is running.”

      I thought no fucking way anyone is this stupid.

      1. R C Dean

        Every warning sticker is there because somebody was stupid enough to do it.

  11. PieInTheSKy

    Also is blind squirrel or bling pig used more often? And is it always squirrel /nut and pig / acorn or is it interchangeable?

    1. I always heard it with blind chicken and corn.

      1. PieInTheSKy

        I first heard it as something about the sun shining on a blind dog’s ass in the movie White men can’t jump

        1. AlexinCT

          My favorite is the one about even squirrels wanting to bust a nut…

    2. Tonio

      Pig/Acorn is the more common usage, followed by Squirrel/Nut(Acorn)

      1. I suspect there is regional variation in usage.

        1. MikeS

          ^This. I hadn’t heard pig/acorn until quite recently.

          There’s possibly an urban/rural variation in usage as well.

          1. Pope Jimbo

            Uneducated rube NoDak!

            Blind pig was what I grew up with. But Minnesoda is the Brain Power State

          2. MikeS

            I bet a blind pig is what you grew up with. Did you name her or just call her your “dirty girl”?

          3. Pope Jimbo

            <mom-joke>Mike’s Mom</mom-joke>

          4. F. Stupidity Jr.

            Jeez, you midwesterners! Get a room cornfield already!

      2. Tonio

        I am older and grew up in mostly rural areas. Usage may be shifting as an increasingly smaller percentage of the population has ever interacted with swine )of the hoofed variety).

      3. The Last American Hero

        I thought that blind pig was code for Johnny Law keeping tabs on the college party scene. WTF does that have to do with acorns?

    3. cyto

      It has to be a squirrel. Squirrels are much more visual animals. A pig Uses its sense of smell and that big snout to find its food.

      so a blind Pig finding an acorn would be no big challenge. A pig could find an acorn in a mountain of garbage With the lights turned off.

  12. Chafed

    Look at you and your music choices. Beats the hell out of old man music.

    1. AlmightyJB

      Didn’t help my Vertigo.

      1. MikeS

        What did the doc say?

        1. AlmightyJB

          I got some meds and physical therapy. Therapy gave me some exercises to do. It seems to have settled down quite a bit especially the nausea which is good. I’m hoping to have a good day.

          1. MikeS

            That’s promising. Hoping you see daily progress until you’re back to normal.

          2. AlmightyJB

            Thanks:)

        2. C. Anacreon

          I say I was in a band called Vertigo when I was in high school.

          1. Let me guess, you had trouble staying on stage.

  13. PieInTheSKy

    The chimera of British anti-Semitism (and how not to fight it if it were real)
    https://mondoweiss.net/2018/08/chimera-british-semitism/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

    This amused me

    Jews have too much power in Britain. The three richest Brits are Jewish.[12] Jews comprise only .5 percent of the population but fully 20 percent of the 100 richest Brits.[13] Relative both to the general population and to other ethno-religious groups, British Jews are in the aggregate disproportionately wealthy, educated, and professionally successful.[14] These data track closely with the picture elsewhere. Jews comprise only 2 percent of the US population but fully 30 percent of the 100 richest Americans, while Jews enjoy the highest household income among religious groups.[15] Jews comprise less than .2 percent of the world’s population but, of the world’s 200 richest people, fully 20 percent are Jewish.[16]
    It might still be asked, But is this “too much” power? Consider these facts. Jeremy Corbyn is the democratically elected head of the Labour Party. His ascendancy vastly expanded and galvanized the party’s ranks. Corbyn has devoted a lifetime to fighting racism; like eponymous labor organizer Joe Hill, where workers strike and organize, it’s there you’ll find Jeremy Corbyn. By British and even global leadership standards, he cuts a saintly figure. On the opposite side, mostly unelected Jewish bodies[21] have dragged Corbyn’s name through the mud, slandering and defaming him.

    It is not antisemitism if the Jews are to powerfull.

    Also what % of Glibs are Jews and what % of richest 100 Glibs are Jews? Site analytics are hiding the essential stuff. The commentariat DEMAND TO KNOW.

    1. Given that all registrations number less than 1000 at last count, the “100 richest” Glibs might be 20% of us.

      Or 100% of us if you remember we’re all Tulpa.

    2. WTF

      You know who else thought the Jews had too much power?

      1. PieInTheSKy

        Vespasian ?

      2. Slammer

        Robert Mueller and the Enron prosecution team?

      3. Nephilium

        The Romans?

      4. MikeS

        The Illinois Nazis?

      5. Jarflax

        The Samaritans?

      6. Gustave Lytton

        William Gladstone? Well, one jew anyways.

    3. Slammer

      SHUT IT DOWN, OMWC…THE GLIB GOYIM KNOW

      1. AlexinCT

        Hide the jew gold?

        1. Well, if I must…

          1. MikeS

            *sensible chortle*

          2. robc

            In the early 90s, I literally saw one of the Gnomes of Zurich.

            Although he was “farming” in a field in Aargau at the time. I figure he was actually checking in on a remote gold depository.

          3. *narrows gaze*

            Move along, citizen. Nothing to see here.

          4. robc

            That is exactly what I did. I didn’t want him sending the bicycle cavlary after me.

            BTW, why did they get rid of them?

    4. Drake

      So the Jews are responsible for turning London into Baghdad North?

      1. Tejicano

        Only a generation, maybe two, before it is officially known as “Londistan”.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Chris Cilizza needs a new keyboard. He splooged all over the old one so hard he’ll never get the keys unstuck.

    It’s the stuff of nightmares for Trump and his inner circle, sure. But it also poses huge risks for a Republican Party that has largely tolerated Trump’s radical presidency in hopes of securing things like long-term conservative dominance on the Supreme Court or a tax cut law. What can or will the congressional leaders within the party say — particularly given that the 2018 midterm election is now less than 100 days away?

    This is a day — and an hour — the Trump operation and the broader Republican Party has long dreaded, and likely had come to believe might never arrive. But here we are.

    Haha, Trumputin. You’re as good as strapped to the guillotine, now.

    1. WTF

      Trump’s radical presidency

      What?

    2. Rebel Scum

      This is the type of hysterics and dishonesty that is going to make me vote a straight red ticket just to spite this person and people like him.

      1. PieInTheSKy

        Right… as if libertarians who are worse than Hitler overall would ever vote Democratic

        1. Rebel Scum

          True, considering the direction of Team Blue. But my alternative would be just to vote libertarian or not vote at all. This would be me making a point to vote and vote against these people.

          That said, under the right circumstances I could have probably voted for a Dem like Jim Webb. This is something I have challenged my card-carrying Team Blue partisan gf on. I can name at least one Democrat I could see myself voting for and I asked if she could name a single Republican (or Libertarian…) she could see herself voting for. So far, no answer.

    3. Raven Nation

      One of the morning shows reported on the story with the scroll underneath, “The President’s Men.” It’s like journalistic nostalgia: everyone wants to be this generation’s Woodward and Bernstein.

  15. Scruffy Nerfherder

    +1 Milton Berle

    Ratt opened for Van Halen back in ’84. My buddy managed to sneak in some bottle rockets and peg the lead singer with one during their set. He was covered with leather from top to bottom so I’m not sure he even noticed.

    Man we were dumb.

    1. Tundra

      I saw Van Halen on that tour. For the life of me I can’t recall who opened though.

      1. So did I. Riverfront coliseum. My first concert. It was fucking awesome.

        I can’t remember who opened up either. Shit.

        Edit: it was at Cincinnati Gardens actually. Autograph opened for them. I also saw them there on the 5150 tour w couple years later. Hagar was good, but nowhere near the showman David Lee Roth was.

        1. Tejicano

          Hell. David Lee Roth is living over in Tokyo a few miles from my place. He’s -from what I’ve heard – getting a traditional tattoo and studying Iaido.

  16. LJW

    Speaking of campaign finance violations. What happened to that story that Hillary laundered $80 million in Democrat donations to her campaign? Was it a bunch of nothing?

    1. WTF

      It’s okay when their side does it!

      1. AlexinCT

        The laws are for the little people and the enemies of the blue weaponized “Obama’s promised changed America’s” deep state.

    2. Pat

      PHAKE SCANDUL!!!!!!!!!1

      1. AlexinCT

        What do you think the drama and constant lying about the Reds are coming is about? Stalling so that team blue can take power in congress and help the deepstate hide the criminal activity of the team blue membership running it.

    3. Drake

      See my link above. Mueller, Rosenstein, and the rest of the gang are going to look into that real close.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    Good news

    Eight restaurant chains have agreed to drop the use of agreements that prevent their workers from finding higher-paying jobs at other locations of the same chain, Washington state’s attorney general said this week.

    Applebee’s, Church’s Chicken, Five Guys, IHOP, Jamba Juice, Little Caesars, Panera and Sonic agreed to end the “no-poach” agreements immediately at all of their locations nationwide and to stop using the language in future franchise contracts in order to avoid lawsuits over the practice, according to the office of Washington state Attorney General Bob Ferguson.

    The eight locations join seven others — Arby’s, Auntie Anne’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, Carl’s Jr., Cinnabon, Jimmy John’s and McDonald’s — who earlier agreed to end the practice under the threat of a lawsuit from Ferguson’s office.

    “Businesses can’t rig the system to avoid competition,” Ferguson said in a statement. “My goal is to eliminate no-poach clauses in the fast-food industry nationwide.”

    I think no-poach agreements written into franchise contracts are complete bullshit and should be done away with, but I cannot help wondering why the attorney general for the state of Washington thinks he has (or should have) the power to dictate labor law nationally.

    1. why the attorney general for the state of Washington thinks he has (or should have) the power to dictate labor law nationally

      Something something right side of history something something living wage something something random unrelated talking point something.

    2. creech

      Why not? Don’t some judges in Progville get to dictate U.S. immigration policy?

  18. PieInTheSKy

    Girl Loses NASA Internship Over Insult to ‘October Sky’ Legend—He’s Still Helping Her

    http://observer.com/2018/08/nasa-internship-homer-hickam-twitter/

    Social media was abuzz this afternoon after a woman named Naomi H won and lost an internship at NASA in less than a day thanks to this tweet.

    It’s not clear what Naomi H’s full last name is (she has since locked her Twitter account). The poster likely assumed she was a furry because of the anime in her Twitter avatar (which has since been replaced with a photo of a real life deer).

    But regardless, Naomi didn’t tell just any member of the National Space Council to “suck [her] dick and balls.” Homer Hickam is a NASA engineering legend.

    1. Pat

      I like that we’re supposed to feel sorry for her because she lost an internship in a competitive industry for being a moron. I know the technology simply didn’t exist 30 years ago, but I still think that the majority of people who had secured a sought after internship probably would have been less retarded about announcing it, even among their equally retarded friends.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Friends don’t let friends tweet.

    3. Atanarjuat

      It wouldn’t be the first time that happened. Communications executive Justine Sacco was fired from media company IAC in 2014 for tweeting “Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!” (She has since been rehired.)

      I can’t wait until the grievance pendulum swings back the other way.

    4. Raven Nation

      October Sky was/is an excellent movie.

    5. Evan from Evansville

      Hickam was born in McDowell county in WV, one of the poorest in the country. My dad’s from Abingdon, VA and moved to Bluefield in the 70s, which is one county east of McDowell. That’s where I was born but we moved to Evansville six months after I had already been christened. We went back some years back and Bluefield is an absolute shithole. We went to the house that I grew up in and it was abandoned. Some hippies squatted in there for a while and the room with my cradle had literal shit on the walls and a big hippy flower painted on it.

      My dad was a human interest beat writer for 40 years, writing an insane 5 columns a week. If I’m not mistaken my dad had the chance to interview Hickam. My dad would’ve talked to him about escaping from McDowell, as he doesn’t have any idea how to do any science of any kind. He actually believed that ATMs had midgets in them. Like. No joke. That’s what he believed.

      Dad also got to interview W Bush in the ’80s. He wrote about how Ws Adam’s Apple hair billowed like a flag in a breeze.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        My father’s family is from that area, Pound, Virginia specifically. It’s an economic disaster zone. And in general, the people, while they can be welcoming, are not helping themselves at all.

      2. Gilmore

        My brother’s college roomate @ UVA was from Bluefield VA. He was an elvis impersonator as a hobby. He went to like the “Elvis Impersonator world championships” in Vegas or something. From the way he described it, he was the most famous person in Bluefield.

  19. Pat

    Scientists have found a new way to stimulate lucid dreams

    Lucid dreams, where dreamers become aware they are dreaming and take control of it, can be an incredible experience. The only issue: They’re rare and difficult to stimulate. As a result researchers have spent decades trying to figure out different techniques to create a lucid dreaming experience like sleep interruption, and using different breathing techniques before sleeping.

    But scientists at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the Lucidity Institute in Hawaii have figured out a more consistent way to create a lucid dreaming state, and it involves the use of drugs normally used to treat Alzheimers.

    The drug is called “galantamine”. In addition to being used to treat Alzheimer’s, it’s also regularly used to treat muscular dystrophy and other disorders of the central nervous system.

    A study using lucid dreaming practitioners had some dramatic results.

    Without galantamine, using a placebo, 14 percent of users reported having lucid dreams. After a 4 milligrams dose of the drug that number rose to 27 percent.

    Incredibly, after an 8mg dose of galantamine, 42 percent of participants reported having lucid dreams.

    1. LJW

      So about 24mg and you can enjoy a different super model every night of the week?

      1. …go on.

        *begins taking notes*

        1. commodious spittoon

          What notes? 24mg of gallium. Seems pretty straightforward.

      2. R C Dean

        Since you’re dreaming, it could even be that a different supermodel would enjoy you every night.

        1. straffinrun

          Why would that matter?

    2. Mojeaux

      Sort of related: I follow a blog called Bulletproof, where they try all sorts of chemicals to boost productivity, memory, learning, etc. I want to get some modafinil, but it appears it is another victim of the War on Drugs.

      1. Pat

        I thought that sort of shit was just an excuse for stock brokers and tech bros to microdose LSD.

        1. Mojeaux

          You say that like it’s a bad thing.

          I think it’s a search for a drug or combo like the one in the movie/TV show Limitless without the bad consequences. I don’t think LSD is necessarily a productivity drug nor one you can count on while you’re trading.

          1. Pat

            Oh I don’t have a problem with it, it’s just the exposure I’ve had to the term mostly came from that scene, where it seems less about a careful scientific process of achieving maximum performance than a bunch of workaholic recovering speedfreaks trying to make their habit seem more classy.

            I’m too cautious about potential side effects to want to jump on board with that sort of thing until I’ve seen what kind of long-term effects come out, but somebody has to try it.

      2. Count Potato

        “2. Drink Unprocessed Spring Water

        What we drink is as important as what we eat, but most of us aren’t aware that our water is as processed as the processed food we now know to avoid.

        Most water has minerals removed and chemicals added. Instead, find a natural spring and load up. You can find one near you here: http://www.findaspring.com/

        Otherwise, it’s better to drink water bottled in glass than tap water.”

        Purity of essence.

    3. Tejicano

      I actually had a lucid dream – halfway through a regular dream in which my Army Reserve unit was deployed to Iraq (never actually been deployed to the sandbox but had plenty of dreams to “prep” me, so to speak). In the dream part we were in a convoy riding through a somewhat urban area and started taking fire. I kinda woke up and took over – still mostly asleep and in the dream but in control of it. A surreal experience. Death put his hand on my shoulder as I stepped out of the vehicle -then “unleashed” me.

    4. STEVE SMITH GIVE HIKERS LUCID DREAM

  20. Brett L

    In which Elizabeth Warren makes a proposal I agree with. Warren wants to ban Congresspeople from owning and trading individual stocks. I think this is fine. Executive office holders and appointees have been putting assets in blind trusts for years. Why not Congresspeople?

    1. On one hand, I can see wanting to avoid the appearance of conflicts of interest, or even actual conflicts of interest (which are harder to get rid of than the appearance thereof). But something about this doesn’t sit right with me. I’m no fan of congresscritters or corruption, there just is something that bothers me about second-order effects from this.

      I’m sorry I’m being vague, but I’m still trying to work out what exactly it is that isn’t right.

      1. Pat

        I’m sorry I’m being vague, but I’m still trying to work out what exactly it is that isn’t right.

        I don’t know about you, but the idea that being elected shouldn’t strip away your liberty to conduct commerce is a big one for me. It’s hard to be all that principled about it though because congresspeople are such unmitigated fuckheads.

      2. RAHeinlein

        So we assume that because you own “individual” stocks you are corrupt and will take actions which create a benefit – pre-cog crime and presumption of guilt, plus loss of individual freedom.

        The individual stock concept is petty class warfare – who needs to own individual stocks? Only those darn 1-percenters!

        1. My view on that matter may be colored because of the ex-IBMers (and Unisys people) now running my agency who own a good chunk of IBM and Unisys stock and are deliberately steering business to those companies to the detriment of operations.

          I know it’s not going to be everyone, but I’m sitting here on the fence seeing both scenarios.

          1. You let the IG know about this, right?

          2. People with more documentation did.

            Unsurprisingly, the site which lays out the evidence for the public to see is blocked by the work proxy.

            I don’t know if the IG (a generally useless arm of New York) is doing anything with the data.

          3. RAHeinlein

            It’s not challenging to identify conflict of interest – most of the companies with whom I work require completion of a questionnaire related to ownership, board membership, conflicts, etc. What to do after identifying a conflict is more complicated, but a general prohibition of individual stock ownership is extreme and unwarranted.

          4. Tejicano

            My guess? It’s not challenging to identify conflict of interest. What’s challenging is finding the really big fish with enough evidence to get them to cut you into a it to let them go.

          5. Pope Jimbo

            Are they steering business to those companies to pump up their stock? Or is it because they have a lot of contacts in those companies that they know and trust?

          6. Given the tech we’re being forced to use – they’re propping up the companies, because no one in their right mind would agree that it’s the better solution. We’re being forced to remove rock-solid ASAs capable of being dynamically updated and replacing them with appliances, running in VMware that need to be rebooted every time you want to change so much as a single rule.

          7. Or that they want to force us to change to AXI, despite the fact that the software we’re using costs twice as much to license on that platform, runs slower, and the hardware savings is nil.

        2. Nephilium

          Instead can we get rid of their immunity to insider trading laws?

          1. Bobarian LMD

            Why Nancy Pelosi, you look like someone just walked across your grave!

    2. AlexinCT

      She will allow others to do the trading for you, I bet..

    3. MikeS

      Along those lines, I think lawyers should be banned from holding office. They create complicated laws that normal people need to hire lawyers to understand. Talk about conflict of interest.

      1. I’ve always held that Judges should be non-lawyers. Specifically so that the law gets read with the common-person understanding of what the words mean rather than legalese.

    4. robc

      My only exception would be 5% owners. If Warren Buffett, hypothetically, wanted to run for congress, he shouldn’t have to divest of Berkshire Hathaway. Its the small interests that are still abusable that are the problem.

      it would be obvious if he was directly trying to benefit BRK.

  21. LJW

    about the fact that he worked for a prominent republican family (true)

    Apparently he passed all government vetting processes for employment. Behind every tragedy there is almost always a government fuck up. We need more government to fix this!

  22. PieInTheSKy

    So I saw two episodes of a cartoon called Disenchantment. Not too bad but why don’t cartoon people try different ways of drawing characters? I feel they look too similar to simpsons / futurama characters but maybe it’s just me.

    1. AlexinCT

      You copy the format that works..

    2. I believe it’s a Matt Groening joint.

    3. I’m fairly sure they picked the style to advertise “Hey, we’re connected to these other shows. You liked those other shows, right?”

    4. leonadasiv

      Same creators, same voice actors. I imagine the same artists.

      1. PieInTheSKy

        Yes. I know. That is why I said they should have tried something different

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          Why? It’s his style. It’s his style that everyone loves. No reason to change it.

          I like the show a lot. But that’s just me.

          1. PieInTheSKy

            I guess I like variety more and it seems when an artist has the same style it gets old… Same in music if alabum from 10 years ago sounds just the same as a album now…

    5. Stinky Wizzleteats

      I liked it but it’s ultimately Futurama with wizards. Hopefully people aren’t too burned out on his stuff and it’ll last a while.

      1. PieInTheSKy

        Well there was one quote in episode 1 that quite amused me which is more than I can say for most shows…

      2. Nephilium

        It wasn’t bad, but the first season definitely had some growing pains. But it took time for both the Simpsons and Futurama to find their feet as well.

      3. Urthona

        It’s about 1/4 as genius as Futurama but I’ll watch season 2.

  23. Stinky Wizzleteats

    John McAfee might be a nut but he’s an interesting nut and, yeah, I’d still prefer him over Gary Johnson or Wild Bill Weld:

    https://mobile.twitter.com/officialmcafee/status/1031913880367316993

    Just a safety tip though, when showering with a handgun you might want to choose a revolver or something with a passive safety like an XD.

    1. Pat

      John McAfee is essentially the libertarian id.

    2. Sensodyne? Only commies use Sensodyne!

  24. AlexinCT

    Any of you Glibs on facebook willing to share your social rating? At least the Chinese government did this without lying about why they created a similar system..

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Complaining about the social rating is going to hurt your social rating.

      1. AlexinCT

        Not on faceplant, so not worried.

        1. Nephilium

          Don’t be so sure about that. I don’t doubt they’re doing something similar now.

          1. AlexinCT

            I don’t click fakebook links brah…

          2. I am vindicated in my paranoid browser cookie and script-blocking policies!

          3. Nephilium

            For Beacon, you just had to visit a site that allowed Facebook logins or used Facebook for ads.

    2. Chipping Pioneer

      I believe that Glibs have antisocial ratings.

    3. Why does a social media platform care about fake news?

  25. Pat

    14% of Americans have changed their mind about an issue because of something they saw on social media

    For most Americans, exposure to different content and ideas on social media has not caused them to change their opinions. But a small share of the public – 14% – say they have changed their views about a political or social issue in the past year because of something they saw on social media, according to a Pew Research Center survey of U.S. adults conducted May 29-June 11.

    Although it’s unclear what issues people changed their views about, within the past year a variety of social and political issues – from the #MeToo movement to #BlackLivesMatter and #MAGA – have been discussed on social media.

    It’s a good thing we’re locking down all internet content to save those poor souls.

    1. Raven Nation

      Facebook was hacked by Russians. Trump won by less than 14%. Facebook adds allowed Trump to cheat Hillary out of the presidency. I mean, it’s pretty straightforward.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Even if that’s true, why is it a bad thing?

      1. Because last time around there were people who voted the wrong way!

        /Silicon Valley

    3. invisible finger

      I didn’t think that many Americans had minds to change.

  26. Tonio

    Government Idiocy, EPA Division: Cities are turning to dry ice to kill rat colonies – just drop some dry ice pellets into the burrow and the rats asphyxiate. But enter the EPA with the banhammer; you see, dry ice is not an EPA approved rodenticide. But there are a few companies selling EPA-approved “rat ice” which is just regular dry ice, but has the magical EPA approval. And costs three times as much as other dry ice, of course. Source: NPR, Morning Edition.

    1. Yup. FIFRA has an absurd rigidity on the tail end, enforcing highly innocuous substances such as various food spices and, well, dry ice.

      1. commodious spittoon

        rigidity on the tail end

        That’s rigor mortis.

        1. I reckon that only a rat would think these regulations are without fault and one-size-fits-all works uniformly.

        2. Tejicano

          I heard that Bubba can give you rigidity on your tail end.

    2. WTF

      Since dry ice is not a pollutant or hazardous material or hazardous waste, I’m not sure where they get the authority for this.
      Oh, wait, they got the courts to agree that CO2 counts as a “pollutant”. Because reasons.

      1. The authority is established by the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act. Congress gave it to them many decades ago.

        I am hoping that the Frank R. Lautenberg Super Dangerous Bunny Killing Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act has the potential to be a huge drag on the economy and ruin far more lives than it saves. All so they could honour one of modern times’ most cretinous career politicians.

        1. I am hoping concerned that the Frank R. Lautenberg Super Dangerous Bunny Killing Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act has the potential to be a huge drag on the economy and ruin far more lives than it saves. All so they could honour one of modern times’ most cretinous career politicians.

        2. If you are going to have pesticide regulation, it should read “dry ice is okay for killing rats” not “dry ice from companies x, y, and z are okay for killing rats, but chemically identical dry ice from other providers is not”

          1. AlexinCT

            When you are in the business of picking the winners & losers, this is precisely how it works: only approved dry ice company ice is good enough even though there is absolutely no difference with regular dry ice. Competition is bad for the nanny state’s job of choosing winners and losers.

          2. The regulatory registration and enforcement process is a bit more complicated than a straight-up crony/picking winners and losers type of process.

          3. AlexinCT

            If it is not complicated you can’t make it arbitrary and the crap you are doing would be transparent and easily backfire on you…

          4. Scruffy Nerfherder

            It’s primarily about bureaucratic empire building. They dig into more and more portions of the economy like a tick to preserve themselves.

          5. Bingo. Keeps the lawyers working too.

          6. commodious spittoon

            Maybe it’s less about composition and more about delivery.

            I keed, I keed. It’s all about rent-seeking and control.

        3. WTF

          I just took a look at that. The definition of pesticide is so broad that bullets could be considered pesticides because they are used for destroying vermin.

        4. B.P.

          Wouldn’t that act be named after Jimmy Carter?

    3. AlexinCT

      Denying the politically connected the ability to make a lot of money is anti social justice, brah.

    4. leonadasiv

      Nothing untoward there.

    5. Pat

      It’s a good thing we stopped Scott Pruitt from gutting the venerable EPA and plunging us into a dystopian wasteland of toxic air and water. If it wasn’t for shit like this we’d literally be China. L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y

    6. Scruffy Nerfherder

      The solution is to put a bunch of EPA administrators in a hole with a tub of dry ice.

      1. AlexinCT

        And then use a tractor to fill it in?

        1. Bobarian LMD

          With more dry ice?

      2. Tonio

        The above comment is mere juvenile bluster, not an actual threat against our selfless bureaucrats.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          I’m sorry. I should have said dry ice that has been certified for useless apparatchik disposal.

  27. the HMS Resolution returned to England (without Cook)

    *burp*

    /Indigenous islanders

    1. AlexinCT

      Needed more garlic.

    2. Pope Jimbo

      WHOA! The Hawaiians were just trying to be helpful after they killed Cook.

      Was Captain Cook really eaten by cannibals?

      No – the Hawaiian Islanders who killed Captain Cook were not cannibals.
      They believed that the power of a man was in his bones, so they cooked part of Cook’s body to enable the bones to be easily removed. It was the cooking of his body which gave rise to the rumour of cannibalism.

      The family and I went snorkeling at the bay where he was killed. Beautiful place. But the locals tell you about 100 times that they are not cannibals.

      1. Michael

        Do they offer massages that suspiciously seem like they’re analyzing your skeletal structure?

      2. dbleagle

        The spot where Cook was killed is now underwater and about 80 yards off the present shore. The Big Island is like a balloon and expands and contracts as the various magma chambers fill, and in this case, empty.

  28. Rebel Scum

    Commonsense gun snowball control.

    Delaware State University forbids its students from throwing snowballs, a policy that a school official says is due in part to the potential “harm” that snowball fights pose to those on campus.

    The rule, outlined in the school’s Division of Student Affairs Student Judicial Handbook, lists “the throwing of snowballs on University grounds” under the “personal violations” category, alongside violations such as “being in the bath/shower areas of the opposite sex” and “making threats of violence or intimidation.”

    “This was made a rule due to the students throwing snowballs in the residential halls and there being the potential to harm others with hard, iced-over snow,” Lawan D. Lanier-Smith, assistant director of judicial affairs, told The College Fix via email.

    STEVE SMITH GIVE PER – well, you know…

    1. Pat

      The rule, outlined in the school’s Division of Student Affairs Student Judicial Handbook, lists “the throwing of snowballs on University grounds” under the “personal violations” category, alongside violations such as “being in the bath/shower areas of the opposite sex”

      TRANSPHOBIC!

    2. The Last American Hero

      Totally irrelevant since we no longer have snow due to global warming.

  29. PieInTheSKy

    Intentional self-inflicted and peer-inflicted aerosol skin injuries called ‘frosties’: Cohort series and systematic literature review.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30114873?dopt=Abstract

    ‘Frosties’ are deliberate cold skin burns caused by an aerosol device.

    The median patient age was 13 years; 70.5% were female. Adequate first aid was not reported in any patient. Where recorded, the median time to presentation to a health service was six days. Where severity of injury was recorded, 13 of 37 cases (35.1%) were full thickness, and 10 patients received a split thickness skin graft. Two subgroups were identified: cluster injuries and psychological distress.

    Kids this days. Just throw the cans into a fire or something

    1. Pat

      Is there any overlap between this cohort and the butt-chugging and Tide-pod-eating cohorts?

    2. Tejicano

      Why does this remind me of my ex?

  30. Drake

    The headline should read “Prissy Big-City Asshole Governor Screws Rurals

    Phil Murphy bans bear-hunting on state land. I predict a lot of dead bears on the street in my town next spring.

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Black bears have suffered institutionalized hunting for decades

      1. Pat

        #blackbearsmatter

        1. Drake

          My kids spent an entire spring one year without outdoor recess because a black bear would come out of the state forest and hang out in the playground.

    2. MikeS

      muh feels > muh science

      1. AlexinCT

        Road to hell and all that..

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Bears are so cuddly though…next time I see one I’m going to try to scratch his belly.

        1. Tejicano

          Well, he got his selfie… and an education to last a lifetime. Not a very long lifetime but you need some level of wisdom to get through a longer lifetime.

      1. Tonio

        (Rolls over langourously, presenting furry tummy. Bats eyes.)

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          Was this you? You seem affable enough…

          https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rbE53XUtVw0

    4. If the land does not contain a legislative building, a courthouse, or a prison, the state should not own it.

    5. WTF

      Oh, that’s just the tip of the Murphy iceberg of SJW derp. He’s got bills on “pay equity”, paid sick leave, ban on asking salary history, ban on plastic bags, etc. etc. It’s like they’re actually trying to drive the remaining businesses out of the state.

    6. AlexinCT

      Fuck Disney for creating so many stupid people that think mother nature is a kind being and animals are just misunderstood and oppressed nice people.

    7. Jarflax

      I have an otherwise very progun/hunting friend who keeps linking appeals to ban bear hunts on his social media. I just don’t get it. Apex predator must defend the top spot against all challengers!

    8. TheArgonaut

      A similar ban was put in place here in (much larger) Ontario some years ago. Hope New Jersey residents are prepared for a spate of “nuisance” bear episodes. Black bears while naturally shy, are not cuddly or harmless. Once they identify a food source they are relentless in pursuit of same. We had an older man that lived about a klick and a half away from us who was leaving food scraps out for the raccoons. A bear discovered this wildlife cafeteria and eventually decided pay a visit inside the gentleman’s house in the middle of the night. Thankfully he wasn’t harmed too badly, just enough to make him stop leaving incentive food around his property.

      1. R C Dean

        I had a neighbor once who would leave food out for feral cats (if you were to call central casting for a crazy cat lady, she’s who they would send). Then she’s knocking on my door – turns out that it wasn’t just cats feasting on her buffet, it was also the local skunks, one of which turned out to be rabid, and she wondered if I would shoot it for her. I did, and I even disposed of the corpse.

        Do. Not. Feed. Wild. Animals.

      2. WTF

        New Jersey has been living with nuisance bear episodes for a long time now, because the state is seriously overpopulated with bears and the yearly limited hunts are inadequate to control them. We are always getting younger bears moving into well-populated areas.

  31. Scruffy Nerfherder

    SJWednesday: White Feminist Supremacy Edition

    With cartoons for the simple-minded.

    You may have heard the term White Feminism™ and may be wondering what it means. White Feminists™ are people who espouse feminist beliefs but are not aware of the double standards they perpetuate when discussing issues of race – while not all White Feminists™ are white, the problems of White Feminism™ are grounded in white supremacy and a noxious sort of “colorblind” thinking that pretends all issues of race are resolved. In the same way that antifeminists frequently deny the existence of male privilege White Feminists™ deny the existence of white privilege and the advantages it confers.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      These people are soooo boring.

    2. Pat

      not all White Feminists™ are white

      Of course not.

    3. WTF

      White privilege = say the “wrong” thing and have your life ruined.
      POC disadvantage = make the most horrific and racist statements about white people and suffer no consequences.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Having mostly-white lefties hobbling your* race** with an expressly antisocial ideology is pretty disadvantageous.

        *”your”

        **”race”

        1. commodious spittoon

          “No matter how clever you are or how hard you try… the white man’s gonna get you. Vote Democrat.”

  32. Drake

    Wait… Lanny Davis is Cohen’s lawyer now? These fucking swamp creatures just keep coming back.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Cohen is the Platonic archetype of a sleazy New York lawyer and Davis isn’t any better. Both are scum from the bottom of their feet to the tops of their heads.

      1. Banjos

        So…nuke New York?

        1. Pat

          John Carpenter had the right idea.

        2. City or State? I need some forewarning if you’re going to take out the whole state.

          1. WTF

            Without NYC I think New York is mostly a red state.

          2. Statistics say so, but there’s a pustile of progressives in Albany, so some times I forget I’m not alone here.

          3. Jarflax

            At least in the immediate aftermath of the nuking I suspect it would be the red of radiation burns and sunlight filtering through massive dust clouds

          4. With the geography of the state and the prevailing winds, the fallout from a single device in the City would go towards Lawn Guy Land and Rhode Island. The direct flash would not reach the capital district., and most of the state would be untouched.

          5. Don Escaped Texas

            Almost every state follows the Portland vs all y’all model

        3. AlexinCT

          Do D.C., LA, Chicago, and (for Sloopy Ann Arbor) while you are at it…

    2. LJW

      Just read a quote in the NY post. “Not just about the obvious possibility of a conspiracy to collude and corrupt the American democracy system in the 2016 election, which the Trump Tower meeting was all about, but also knowledge about the computer crime of hacking and whether or not Mr. Trump knew ahead of time about that crime and even cheered it on.”

      Whether or not? Either he did or he didn’t. Which leads me to believe you have nothing otherwise you’d come out and say Trump knew of the hacking.

    3. straffinrun

      Even for lawyers, those two really lower the bar.

  33. PieInTheSKy

    Claire Dalton dumped her fiance because he liked porn and the internet has a few words for her

    https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/marriage/claire-dalton-dumped-her-fiance-because-he-liked-porn-and-the-internet-has-a-few-words-for-her/news-story/11615f2603568de479e6b8e8e9268c97

    CLAIRE Dalton thought she’d met the man of her dreams.

    Falling in love before soon becoming engaged, she spent a glorious six months with a diamond ring on her finger thinking she’d found the one.

    But in the week leading up to her big day with the man she’d built a four year relationship with, Claire found an unforgivable truth about her soon to be husband.

    A truth so gut-wrenching, it was like “someone had taken a dagger and fiercely pierced it” into her heart.

    This truth? Well, the guy liked to watch porn. *Gasp*

    If porn is a deal breaker, I assume the lets have a threesome with my ex talk would not have gone great

    1. Drake

      Who?

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s her prerogative to dump him for it.

      What is unforgivable is her attempt to drag him through the social media mud afterwards.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, that was a shitty thing to do. The guy got off easy though, he didn’t get stuck with being married to her.

        1. Tejicano

          No shyte. I cannot imagine the Hell of being married to some 19th century prude who has no idea what a 21st century man is. REALLY!!?! Does anybody anywhere imagine that a male human under the age of, well, about 60, does not look at pron – ever?

          1. Yusef drives a Kia

            As you intentionally misspell Porn, heh…….

    3. Juvenile Bluster

      I also want to point out that I suffer from a chronic illness called Chronic Lyme Disease. The nature of Lyme disease itself is that it can drill into your nervous system, and therefore it causes a heightening of the senses. This is usually accompanied by deep negative emotion, anxiety, or depression. So when a Lyme patient’s life is thrown a hardball, it is extremely hard to process at first.

      So she excuses it with a bullshit pseudoscientific diagnosis.

      Chronic Lyme disease (not to be confused with Lyme disease) is a generally rejected diagnosis that encompasses “a broad array of illnesses or symptom complexes for which there is no reproducible or convincing scientific evidence of any relationship to Borrelia burgdorferi infection.” Despite numerous studies, there is no clinical evidence that “chronic” Lyme disease is caused by a persistent infection. It is distinct from post-treatment Lyme disease syndrome, a set of lingering symptoms which may persist after successful treatment of infection with Lyme spirochetes. The symptoms of “chronic Lyme” are generic and non-specific “symptoms of life”.

      1. commodious spittoon

        You know, if I had a neurological disease… or if I thought I had one… and I found myself in a snit over something someone I purport to love had done… I’d probably, you know, take a step back and investigate whether it’s the thing of the thing or it’s my condition making me go ballistic.

        1. commodious spittoon

          Also: going to guess chica wanted an out and this is it. “I just love him too much to forgive him.” Suuuuuure you do.

    4. straffinrun

      I wish her all the luck in the world with that new man that doesn’t like porn.

      1. She might find one better at hiding it.

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          I mean, she found it on his phone. Christ, man. Streaming and incognito mode. It ain’t difficult.

          1. straffinrun

            Oh, on his phone. Actually, that’s nasty.

          2. AlexinCT

            Yeah watching porn on a small screen is a sign of being a serious pervert…

            Those people watch midget donkey pron and shit like that…

          3. straffinrun

            The screen size is one thing, but I’m more worried about why he needed it mobile.

          4. Clearly, the proxy blocked it on his desktop.

          5. AlexinCT

            You can’t take your laptop into the ladies room to fap now can you?

  34. Winston

    How long until the sandblasting?

    http://www.jacksonvilleprogress.com/cnhi_network/america-s-largest-confederate-monument-looms-over-the-georgia-governor/article_918f4288-c442-54d4-89ca-9326782929b8.html

    One year ago — in the wake of the violent white nationalist rally protesting the removal of General Lee’s statue in Charlottesville, Virginia — Abrams described Stone Mountain’s monument as “celebrating those who defended slavery… a blight on our state that should be removed.”

    The remark caught Georgians flat-footed. Despite arguments raging across the country for removing monuments to the Confederacy, few expected Stone Mountain’s sculpture to be blasted to dust given its popularity with tourists.

    Abrams didn’t flinch at the question, answering to the packed and diverse crowd assembled at the Dalton Convention Center: “I will never pretend not to believe something I believe.”

    Abrams drew a distinction between Civil War markers commemorating an historical event that occurred in Georgia and monuments glorifying the war that were erected in the decades that followed, particularly during the Jim Crow era. The Stone Mountain monument was dedicated in 1972 after years of delay due to lack of funding.

    “I never once said sandblast (the monument),” she said. “But I did say that we should do something about the fact we have this massive monument to domestic terrorism without context and without information, and I believe absolutely the state should not be paying for a monument to domestic terrorism.”

    Abrams said the fate of the Stone Mountain 42-foot deep carving does not top her list of priorities. She touts her plan to create jobs through investments in infrastructure and small business development, as well as Medicaid expansion.

    “But will I ever say that Stone Mountain is a good thing, that celebrating the terrorism that was visited upon not only African-Americans but Jews in the state of Georgia is a good thing? Absolutely not. And if I was willing to say that, then you should not want me to be the next governor of Georgia,” Abrams said, prompting a standing ovation.

    1. Pat

      In hindsight I guess we should have just let Sherman raze the entire south and salt the earth behind him. I wonder if that would have been adequate for these people.

    2. Viking1865

      “Abrams drew a distinction between Civil War markers commemorating an historical event that occurred in Georgia and monuments glorifying the war that were erected in the decades that followed, particularly during the Jim Crow era”

      This is a huge example of prog mendaciousness.

      The South was under foreign military occupation until 1877, and of course was a war ravaged poverty stricken place with cronies of the government extracting as much wealth as possible with the guns of the Union Army backing them up.

      The reason the people of the South didn’t put up monuments until decades after the war was they were either explicitly banned from doing it, or because there wasn’t the surplus funds to do it.

      They want to destroy them all.

    3. straffinrun

      Grant knew that humiliating the South after the war would’ve been a terrible idea. He lets Lee keep his sword and stops people from depicting Lee’s surrender in a mural on the capitol rotunda after the war. Johnson conceded to Grant. These fucking idiots that want to tear down all these statues would not only have humiliated the South, but would’ve caused a second civil war to breakout before the 1900’s.

      1. AlexinCT

        These people are not anti South, they are anti western civilization. They want ALL history gone. You can only sell collectivism if people are unaware of how evil and deadly it has historically been,

        1. AlexinCT

          Watch this. It is horrifying to me that these kids are this stupid.

      2. commodious spittoon

        Bunch of soyboys seem to want a second civil war.

        1. Pine_Tree

          Well, they want to pretend at it. Trouble is that they could really cause one.

          They don’t really get that the UNC monument thing the other day was seen by many thousands of generally quiet, peaceful people as an attack on the memory and honor of their great-great-grandfathers (because it was). And a lot of them silently moved from “stupid college kids can protest, but they really need to shut up and get jobs” to “fix bayonets”.

          This is not good.

    4. R C Dean

      in the wake of the violent white nationalist rally protesting the removal of General Lee’s statue in Charlottesville, Virginia

      Note the dishonesty of saying it was the white nationalist rally that was violent, with no mention of the leftist counter-protest that where the actual violence started.

    5. Bob

      Probably would have been better if the south won the civil war.

      1. WTF

        So, you’re saying you wish black people were still slaves.

      2. TheArgonaut

        “But will I ever say that Stone Mountain is a good thing, that celebrating the terrorism that was visited upon not only African-Americans but Jews in the state of Georgia is a good thing?”

        I am going to plead ignorance re. explicit anti-semitism in the CSA, but wasn’t Judah P. Benjamin the first Jew to hold a cabinet position in the America? Guessing this conflation is just a tactic to rouse the rabble against Stone Mountain.

  35. Rebel Scum

    <Der Drumpfenfurher: I’D RATHER HAVE FAKE NEWS LIKE CNN’ THAN HAVE UNPOPULAR OPINIONS CENSORED

    “We are also standing up to social media censorship, that’s the new thing, that’s the new thing. You know, I’d rather have fake news like CNN, I’d rather have fake news, it’s true, than have anybody including liberals, socialists, anything, then have anybody stopped and censored. We got to live with it,” Trump stated.

    “You have Twitter, or whatever you have, you have Facebook. But everyone, you can’t have censorship, you can’t pick one person and say, we don’t like what he’s been saying, he’s out. So we will live with fake news,” he continued. “I hate to say it but we have no choice because that’s by far the better alternative. You can’t have people saying censorship. It can turn around, it could be them next. We believe in the right of Americans to speak their minds.”

    A real supporter of 1A and freedom of speech/press would threaten to prosecute journalists for espionage for reporting things the admin did not like. Drumpf is a menace.

    1. Rebel Scum

      Well, I fudged that link. Oh, edit fairyyy!

      1. Rebel Scum

        Or maybe it is ok except for an extra bracket. Nvm.

    2. Bob

      Doesn’t want FCC, control of the internet, and doesn’t want to censor his detractors.

      Of course the hallmark of all fascists was passing on opportunities to put more power under their control.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Less duckface, more abs. Much better.

    2. Tundra

      These are my favorite.

      13 wins. Terrible music taste, but everything else is lovely.

    3. Pat

      You know, it’s a real fine line with fitness enthusiasts. On the one hand you have specimens like 5, 7 and 23 who I’d let on my treadmill anytime. But then it goes off the rails and you get ones like 18, who you have to suspect is on the verge of a roid rage any second. Or ones like 21, who looks like a Holocaust victim.

  36. PieInTheSKy

    Capezzoli di Venere
    A decadent dessert whose Italian name translates to “nipples of Venus.”

    https://www.atlasobscura.com/foods/capezzoli-di-venere

    Carbs are bad.

  37. Pope Jimbo

    I can’t believe that Sloopy didn’t mention the #1 Sports Scandal rocking the NCAA.

    U of Minnesoda Duluth Women’s Cross Country Coach resigns under cloud of sexual misconduct charges. And the coach was a gal too, uffda!

    Joanna Warmington, who announced her resignation as women’s cross country and track and field coach at Minnesota Duluth in a fiery statement Monday alleging NCAA and Title IX violations by the school, had displayed a pattern of sexual misconduct, according to a University of Minnesota investigative report obtained by the Duluth News Tribune

    The coach is claiming that she is being railroaded by the school and some of the athletes. All the charges are false.

    Sounds like a soap opera to me. You have to watch yourself around those tiny women cross country athletes.

    They are a bunch of cunning runts.

    1. cunning runts

      ::slow, emphatic applause::

    2. Tundra

      You have to watch yourself around those tiny women cross country athletes.

      1. AlexinCT

        ^^^THIS^^^

        Guys get mad and fight, then go out for drinks or move on. Women will not stop ever and will not rest until they have destroyed the target of their ire.

        1. Once both parties have said their piece with their fists, what point is there in rehashing the debate?

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      ‘Cunning runts.’

      It grows on you.

      1. AlexinCT

        What’s the difference between a tribe of pygmy cannibals and women joggers?

        1. Pope Jimbo

          ^This guy gets it because he has a “classical” education

          1. AlexinCT

            Thank you Jimbo. When I saw your reference it brought back all that great readings from great minds like Socrates, Homer, George Carlin, Archimedes, Rodney Dangerfield, Plato, Aristotle, Eddie Murphy, and Marcus Aurelius, to name a few.

          2. Archimedes couldn’t even figure out how to grab a towel on his way out of a bath, how great of a mind could he have had?

          3. AlexinCT

            Aging kind of has a negative impact on some minds, no matter how great… I plan to eat a bullet before getting there, but not many people have that option.

          4. Pope Jimbo

            Uffda. Did you think an Archimedes Screw was some sort of simple machine?

          5. Nephilium

            Morons!

        2. One is more likely to be vegan?

        3. straffinrun

          One spits and one swallows?

        4. AlexinCT

          The answer was kind of given by Roofus…

          The Pygmies are cunning runts…

          So that makes the jogging ladies… ?

          1. *waves dismissively*

            Using the actual punchline is less amusing.

          2. commodious spittoon

            Susceptible to rape?

          3. AlexinCT

            If it was a STEVE SMITH joke, for sure.. But this is a simple transposition of starting letters joke.

          4. straffinrun

            The way you get them to fucking understand what you’re saying.

  38. Pat

    California wildfires: Verizon throttled data during crisis

    A US mobile network has admitted it should not have slowed California firefighters’ data speeds as they tackled what has become the largest blaze in the state’s modern history.

    Santa Clara County’s fire chief has complained the company throttled an emergency vehicle’s data rate to about 0.5% of its normal level.

    The limit was enforced despite Verizon being told it was hampering efforts to tackle the wildfire.

    Verizon said a mistake had been made.

    However, it highlighted that the fire department had subscribed to a contract that stated data throughput would be cut after a usage limit had been hit.

    “Regardless of the plan emergency responders choose, we have a practice to remove data speed restrictions when contacted in emergency situations,” a spokeswoman told the Mercury News newspaper.

    “In this situation, we should have lifted the speed restriction when our customer reached out to us.

    “We are reviewing the situation and will fix any issues going forward.”

    It was no mistake, the fire department is just still on hold with customer service.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      /Fireman dials Verizon number.

      Please listen to carefully as our menu options have changed. For melting polar ice caps please dial 555-0435. For service in Spanish please press 1. For Cantonese 2. Progspeak 3.

      To speak to one of our agents regarding wild fires please 2.

      Your call matters to us. We estimate a 12-14 wait time. If you prefer a call back we can do so or stay on the line and a customer service representative will be with you shorty.

      1. “I’m sorry, the area you are calling from has been designated a wildfire emergency zone. Please stay off the line to allow emergency calls to get through. Goodbye.”

    2. Yusef drives a Kia

      Late on their Bill most likely

    3. invisible finger

      Another in a endless line of “All government failures are the private sector’s fault” stories.

    4. Pope Jimbo

      +1 Example of Net Neutrality

      Sorry, we can’t prioritize traffic from firefighters because their packets aren’t any more important than the packets from that dude taking a selfie.

    5. R C Dean

      The fire department went cheap on their contract. When they needed unlimited data, they should’ve ponied up for the better plan. 100% a fire department problem, 0% a Verizon problem.

      When you’re the problem and not Verizon, you should take a really hard look at yourself.

  39. Aww – we have a new employee in the office today. She’s so earnest and upbeat about her new job. She hasn’t been beaten down and dispirited by corporate – yet.

    1. Nephilium

      Keep an eye out for that first time the twinkle in the eyes dies. That’s when you know they just lost a piece of their soul, and gained a bit of wisdom.

    2. Tundra

      They’re so cute at that stage.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      I have an employee like that. She was so full of life when she started in 2011.

      Now she learned to be cynical, jaded and sarcastic.

      I always tease her about that.

      1. invisible finger

        In your line of work, anyone with a twinkle in their eyes is likely a pedo.

    4. AlexinCT

      Give it a week if she is smart, a month otherwise.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      lol.

      Justin ‘Shiny Tonka’ Trudeau admires China.

  40. The Urban Meyer situation takes a strange turn:
    https://twitter.com/beertalkwileyp/status/1032264779593859072?s=21

    Is STEVE SMITH one of Zach’s relatives?

  41. wchipperdove

    I ask that when/if SP writes her article on proxies, she makes it sufficiently dumbed-down for those of us who not know things good.

    1. Mojeaux

      Seconded. I would be one of those, too.

    2. Imagine if you will, all of your communication to and from the outside world had to go through a guy in the outer office with the authority to tell you who you can and cannot talk to. Ostensibly his role is to protect the organization and make sure you are not spending your time on anything unrelated to work. In practice he’s just a censor who looks at who you’re trying to contact and says yes or no.

      Replace that guy with a computer sitting between your computer and the internet and that’s a proxy.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Is this guy big? Could I take him in a fight?

        1. If you did, it’d be like any other time you attacked a co-worker and you’d lose your job, possibly face jail time.

      2. AlexinCT

        And whenever he has a chance he faps it to your traffic?

      3. MikeS

        I believe he’s referring to the article on VPNs that some (including me) have asked SP to write.

        And I third the dumbing it down request.

        1. VPNs are an entirely different type of proxy. So my blurb on office proxies doesn’t negate the need for an article.

          1. Though if we want to extend the paper analogy, the VPN would be a guy in the office next door who doesn’t have to go through your front office and sneaks your messages into their mail to avoid having it read by the censor and appear to be coming from a different source.

          2. MikeS

            I like that guy. I want to know that guy.

          3. Tonio

            VPNs ate far more than a mere proxy. It’s a secure tunnel that you establish. Corporate IT (or whoever) cam see that you have a VPN setup to (for instance) Protonmail, and they can see how much bandwidth you are using. They can still look at your traffic, but that doesn’t do them much good because it’s encrypted. They can choose to prohibit your use of VPN.

          4. Tonio

            ARE not ate.

      4. Jarflax

        and imagine that guy is mildly retarded and has been given a list of no no words, and bad scary places. He blocks communications that include the exact no no word he has been given or that are going to a bad scary place, misses communications that use complex synonyms, or other tenses and forms of the words, and that go to an unusual form of the bad scary place, but sometimes sees a totally innocuous word or place and thinks it might be scary so he blocks that. When he misses a synonym, his boss freaks out and adds to the no no word list, his boss also keeps finding new places scary and banning them and the process continues.

    1. Rebel Scum

      ///notrealsocialism

    2. Up next: civil war!

      1. AlexinCT

        If it kills enough people, they will finally have an utopian number of people left to please Gaia?

        1. Mojeaux

          they will finally have an utopian number of people left to please Gaia?

          I’m not sure it’ll work out the way they want it to, considering all the gun-totin’ rednecks willing to throw down.

          1. Don Escaped Texas

            It will work out that way; it’s just that the distribution of the survivors will not please them.

  42. MikeS

    I think I hate every single person involved in this stupid story.

    Bismarck man may be charged in connection to squirrel’s death

    Officers spoke with a male neighbor who police said admitted to hitting the squirrel with the dart. The case was referred for review to the city attorney’s office for “throwing missiles,” according to Sass.

    Bismarck’s “throwing of missiles” statute reads as follows: “It is unlawful for any person to throw or discharge any stone, snowball or any similar object or other missile, including fireworks, upon, in or at any vehicle, building or upon or at any person.”

    And that applies to squirrels, how exactly?

    Also, there is a season on squirrels. If you really think you need to punish this idiot, charge him with poaching or using an unlawful weapon for hunting, or some shit like that.

    1. AlexinCT

      Blame Disney…

    2. Season for squirrels?

      Tree Rats are vermin. It should be okay to pop the little bastards whenever they show their fuzzy heads and bushy tails.

    3. Wait, squirrels aren’t considered nuisance animals there? Huh.

      1. MikeS

        I’m guessing most states have an actual season on squirrels, no? I mean, the Kings’s game and all that? I’m not saying that the majority of people follow the regulations, just that I bet most states have them.

        In NoDak they are considered “upland game” and the season runs from early September to early January.

        1. Pope Jimbo

          A classic “Why can’t it be both” situation.

          Most states do have a squirrel season. Minnesoda’s starts in September (9/15 this year) and goes through the end of February. HOWEVER, like any animal, a person can kill it if the animal is causing damage to crops or property.

          Most game wardens are pretty lenient about “proof” that an animal is causing damage if it is a species known as a pest like squirrels or crows.

          Personally, I have a Gammo pellet gun that I use to shoot about a dozen squirrels in our back yard each year. They are one of my favorite game animals to eat. My personal season starts whenever I see them start to move in on my tomatoes or when the leaves fall off my apple tree and they move in to eat those.

          * Our neighborhood has a strain of albinism in our squirrels and there is a young white squirrel frequenting our back yard this summer. My wife has issued a fatwa on shooting him. I don’t understand why.

    4. commodious spittoon

      Shoot it, shovel it, and shut up.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Shoot. Roll in flour, brown in butter, roast for 2 hours. Eat

        1. Jarflax

          You might want to skin and gut it first… Oh wait Minnesoda… just add tater tots right?

          1. MikeS

            …and cream of mushroom soup.

          2. Pope Jimbo

            and a bag of mixed veggies

          3. MikeS

            I’m hungry.

          4. Pope Jimbo

            I am too, but I’m fasting semi-seriously this week so I can binge next week at the Great Minnesoda Get-Together. So I have to stay strong.

          5. ChipsnSalsa

            Meet me in the Church basement. I’ll bring the brownies.

          6. Jarflax

            Meet me in the Church basement. I’ll bring the brownies.

            OMWC signal lit

          7. Pope Jimbo

            Chips, if you want to win the the hearts of Mike and I bring bars instead of brownies.

          8. ChipsnSalsa

            The wife makes an excellent lemon bar and seven layer bar.

          9. MikeS

            A website about bars that doesn’t include Special K bars?! FAKE NEWS!!!!11!!

    5. Pat

      Reminds me of the Seinfeld when George ran over the squirrel and his girlfriend made him take it to the vet and adopt it.

      1. AlexinCT

        Desperate men do all kinds of stupid shit..

    6. straffinrun

      We had bats in our house when I was a kid. The giant brick house was almost 100 years old and infested with bats which the po po wouldn’t let us kill because they were mammals. At least that is what they told us. Didn’t stop our golden retriever from snapping them out of the air while I was hiding under the blankets in the dark after bedtime. That dog was great.

  43. Rebel Scum

    The gf just sent me this article.

    On Tuesday, Michael Cohen, the president’s longtime fixer and former personal lawyer, pleaded guilty to felony crimes that included illegally paying women hush money to help Donald Trump win the presidency in 2016. Most important, he said he did so at Trump’s direction.

    In other words, Trump cheated to win the White House, according to one of his closest former associates.

    Cohen’s admissions were so damaging for the president, both legally and politically, that his lawyer Rudy Giuliani could point only to the lack of an indictment directly against Trump as the good news. “There is no allegation of any wrongdoing against the president in the government’s charges against Mr. Cohen,” Giuliani said.

    Cohen’s plea was just one of several punishing blows delivered Tuesday to Trump’s narrative that he and his allies came to Washington to “drain the swamp” of corruption. The others: Paul Manafort, the president’s onetime campaign chairman, was convicted on eight counts of bank and tax fraud, and Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Calif., an early endorser of Trump for president, was indicted on federal charges that he violated campaign finance law.

    “The president is clearly guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors,” New York Times columnist Bret Stephens, a conservative, wrote on Twitter after the Cohen plea. “He should resign his office or be impeached and removed from office.” Stephens has been a frequent critic of Trump but had not previously called for his removal.

    It’s a “high crime” to pay off whores to keep their mouths shut about your consensual relationship using your own money, who subsequently fail to live up to their side of the agreement. Straw. Grasped.

    1. straffinrun

      “He should resign his office or be impeached and removed from office.”

      No, really, I mean it this time.

      1. Tundra

        They’re super serious, straffin.

      2. AlexinCT

        Don’t forget the “And Hillary should get the job already” addendum….

        Cause most of them believe that is how it works…

        1. Tonio

          Not just that, but they want a redo on the administration’s “illegitimate” SCOTUS appointments, etc.

          1. Raven Nation

            I would imagine if the Dems somehow removed Trump from office, they would probably try to impeach Gorsuch.

          2. Tonio

            No, they would need cause for that and I’m unaware of anything he’s done which is in any way impeachable. Also, if they do impeach Trump it is going to be long, nasty and damaging. The country will not stomach a second round of impeachment, particularly without cause.

            However, we will see low information people yammering on about a total redo of everything the administration has done.

    2. Pat

      “The president is clearly guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors”

      Yes. Clearly. Because people other than the president have been convicted of or plead guilty to 15 year old fraud charges and alleged campaign finance violations during the course of an investigation that was ostensibly about election irregularities involving the Russian government and the Trump campaign. He should commit seppuku in the rose garden at his soonest convenience.

      1. AlexinCT

        And it needs to be televised, and followed by the coronation of Hillary!

    3. Jarflax

      This shit is getting scary to me. These people are sending a very clear signal that any outsider who dares to challenge their control over our country is going to have his supporters jailed and face charges himself. They aren’t so much going after Trump as they are guaranteeing that no one else will ever dare do what Trump did.

      1. They don’t call them a permanent ruling class for nothing.

      2. straffinrun

        It’s not scary to me. It’s what power lusters have done forever and it’s part of life. The battle against slavers was never going to be won by a guy like Trump, but he has given us some lulz on the descent. I don’t think this is a fatal blow to Trump, but even if it were, the battle goes on…

    4. commodious spittoon

      Not “our campaign finance laws are absurd and subject to abuse.” No, it’s “campaign finance laws are God’s law, and violators should be treated as heretics.”

    5. Scruffy Nerfherder

      They’re going to love President Pence

      1. There’s a very large faction of [smart] liberals that really really don’t want that to happen.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          The funny part is Pence is squeaky clean. If impeachment happens, expect them to immediately and completely forget about Russia and revert to their traditional culture war mode.

      2. Raston Bot

        well if anyone in this administration is to the left of Trump, it’s Mike Pence. on day one of his presidency, he’ll yank Kavanaugh and nominate a pro-choice tranny.

    6. Pat

      Incidentally, by this logic you could say Obama should have resigned over the donation scandal or the Blagojevich conviction.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        As I mentioned upthread. campaign finance laws exist solely to empower the entrenched political structure, specifically the two major parties. Trump is a threat to that structure, so don’t expect the GOP to put up a real defense of him by calling out everything that has gone unprosecuted concerning the Obama or Clinton syndicates.

        The FEC is solely staffed by members of both parties for a reason. They protect their turf, and their turf is the government.

    7. RAHeinlein

      Since this is now out in the open, can “Stormy” be charged with extortion?

      1. commodious spittoon

        Was it really extortion, though? If she say, “Hey, I’m shopping this story around ‘cuz I want the money, would you be willing to buy it?” and he buys it rather than see it published in a tabloid, is that extortive or just business?

        Hold her civilly liable for breach of contract, by all means.

        1. RAHeinlein

          I’m not sure whether she threatened to go public (harm reputation) or was shopping the story (also potentially fuzzy). I agree that she is absolutely liable for breach of contract.

      2. R C Dean

        Let’s go to the statute:

        A person is guilty of coercion in the second degree when he or she compels or induces a person to engage in conduct which the latter has a legal right to abstain from engaging in . . . by means of instilling in him or her a fear that, if the demand is not complied with, the actor or another will:

        Expose a secret or publicize an asserted fact, whether true or false, tending to subject some person to hatred, contempt or ridicule;

        If Stormy “induced” Trump to pay her off via an NDA by threatening to expose or claim that they had an affair, that seems to fit the statute to me. Basically, if you are shopping a story around, going to the target of the story and inviting them to bid pretty much falls into this statute.

    8. Count Potato

      You’re dating SugarFree?

    9. Bob

      Wasn’t all of this already known? What is the revaluation here? Trim said he paid Cohen for this already.

  44. Not Adahn

    Reason N+1 that Texas is superior to California:

    Even with Texans living there, the state manages to Not Be On Fire.

  45. commodious spittoon

    Homeowner opts to tear down million-dollar house in tony Charleston neighborhood, because climate change.

    Only not really.

    First, the report was based on some rather shoddy science. Next up, 8 inches of sea rise over almost 120 years is exactly average during the last 7,000-8,000 years, a period measured after the end of the great meltwater from the end of the last ice age. As I’ve noted numerous times, to get that average you’d need quite a bit more sea rise during the warm periods. The Charleston tide gauge shows 3.25mm per year, equivalent to 1.07 feet per 100 years, nor does it show any acceleration. 4.3 feet by 2100 is just scaremongering.

  46. Follow up from the Burning Man article yesterday.

    https://nypost.com/2018/08/21/champagne-private-chefs-and-drugs-how-the-1-percent-do-burning-man/

    What are they gonna do with themselves with the Orgy Dome is banned because of #metoo?

    1. AlexinCT

      Where is Antifa when you need it?

    2. Pat

      Burning Man stopped being cool about 20 years ago. It’s basically Coachella now.

    3. KibbledKristen

      Burning Man is the Fyre Festival with better organization and less fraud.

  47. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Probably been posted before, but here’s Paglia on the transgenderism fad

    1. She’s a national treasure.

    2. Raston Bot

      i love reading Paglia.

      *reading*

      her cadence makes her damn near unlistenable.

      1. straffinrun

        She talks like the South Park teacher on one and a half speed.

    3. Mojeaux

      From the comments:

      They claim that “gender doesn’t exist” until they want to penalize men. Then they become rigidly gendered.

      Love Paglia.

    4. Slammer

      I admire that she always brings up History. Kids today (like kids always) seem to think the things they’re going through is some utterly unique situation. Same could be said about the general American Public.

      It seems we’re doing a very poor job of teaching history

      1. Pat

        It seems we’re doing a very poor job of teaching history

        That’s as much the fault of history departments at every university from the Ivies down to East Bumblefuck Community College being cesspools of revisionist nonsense as any deficiency in the students.

        Once upon a time I actually considered doing graduate work in history because I love the field, but in addition to being dispositionally unsuited for teaching, which is the only possible use for a history degree, I realized there was no possible way I would ever remain in academic good standing anyway.

    1. AlexinCT

      When I read this the first time I saw it back when I thought about my kid whom I had given a lot of crap to because to me it looked like gaming was interfering with keeping a girlfriend. He has not kept girlfriends for too long because he gets bored and goes back to gaming online with his buddies and the girls get made, do some crazy, and he dumps them. It’s all about priorities I guess. He is employed and works hard, but then prefers to hang out online with his buddies gaming than dealing with the crazy girls of his generation. That used to bother me as I thought it showed some kind of lack of social skills for that generation. These days it doesn’t anymore considering my own experiences with the female of the species.

      1. Pat

        That used to bother me as I thought it showed some kind of lack of social skills for that generation. These days it doesn’t anymore considering my own experiences with the female of the species.

        It’s probably a little of both, honestly. Even people my age are basically social retards thanks to the worldwide web (myself included). But that genie isn’t going back in the bottle. And who’s to say it’s really any worse than the way things were before?

      2. “He is employed and works hard, but then prefers to hang out online with his buddies gaming than dealing with the crazy girls of his generation”

        Agreed. I just love the fact that we live in a timeline that can have headlines like that. Also, evergreen: “no matter how hot she is, there’s someone sick of her shit.” Fucking a hot girl is great, but “sexy” is fleeting and if she’s annoying or a pain in the ass then I can’t blame the kid either. Finding someone worth spending an extended period of time with requires more.

        That said: would.

      3. KibbledKristen

        Has he thought about dating gamer chicks?

        1. Pat

          There are no gamer chicks, only Twitch thots, titty streamers, and traps. It is known.

          1. commodious spittoon

            Some of them, I assume, are good people.

        2. AlexinCT

          He has plenty of gamer chicks (and others) that would love to date him. He is blessed with incredible looks (full disclosure he is adopted so it is not my genes, but he could be a male model if he wanted), follows my example and like me works out and looks great, has steady employment and makes a decent living, thus has managed to snag some unbelievably cute ladies when he is looking (these girls tend to not be gamers though), and he has some insane standards on what is girlfriend material.

          He is only 24 so he has plenty of time before he needs to settle down (and being male he has no biological clock). In general men age better than women and go up on the attractive scale too, so I tell myself to just let it be. He tells me the girls of his generation are all shallow and self centered, and he and his friends simply feel no obligation to give in to them and their crazy ways (especially since they can get sex whenever they want it). Things sure have changed priority wise for men these days compared to men of my time (I myself got engaged and married at 25 under duress from societal pressures). I guess in many ways he has it better than men of my generation ever dreamed we could have had it when it comes to dating & so on. I think the ones getting the raw end of this deal now are the women though, but I just can’t see this playing out well for either gender as men check out even more.

          1. “he has some insane standards on what is girlfriend material.”

            Looking back, this was my problem. I think I missed out on more opportunities with women because of this.

          2. KibbledKristen

            Twenty-something chicks can be…emotional. Or, rather, they can let their emotions overwhelm them and common sense. I was in my 20’s when I had emotions.

            And I think 20-something men in general have insane standards. I got turned down LOTS in my 20’s, by 20-something dudes. I think I was fairly attractive.

            I guess it’s a wonder anyone has satisfying relationships in their 20’s!

    2. Pat

      You know what they say, no matter how beautiful she is, somewhere out there is a man who is tired of her shit.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Damn your nimble fingers?

        1. Gustave Lytton

          ?!

          1. commodious spittoon

            That’s no interrobang, no question about it.

    3. Gustave Lytton

      “No matter how beautiful she is someone somewhere is tired of her shit.”

      1. straffinrun

        Hot round in the echo chamber.

        1. Pat

          Great shitlords think alike.

  48. Rope-a-dope =/= 37D Chess but it’s just as effective.

    http://archive.is/tonTs

    1. AlexinCT

      These people are fucking monkeys. They are flinging shit all over the place and praying it sticks to some wall and gets called art.

    2. Mr Lizard

      Apparently some of your species chase laser pointers.

      1. AlexinCT

        Oh man that was priceless.. Your species should own ours after a comment like that 🙂

  49. KibbledKristen

    Got this email from our condo management. All I can think is “dude – the job market is amazing right now. WTF are you doing here??”

    Please join me in welcoming Bob as our new Condo Maintenance Technician.

    Bob has his degree in Mathematics and Applied Physics and is currently studying Mathematics and Physics at SNHU.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      On the plus side, your HVAC is going to be perfectly calibrated.

      1. KibbledKristen

        Wait til he comes to my door and sees my binary welcome mat!

        1. MikeS

          It’ll be love at first sine!

        2. When converted to ASCII it reads “There’s no place like 127.0.0.1” right?

          1. Nephilium

            Man, that’s an old joke UnCivilServant, aren’t you hep to the new one:

            There’s no place like ::1.

          2. Never! IPv6 is Technoneresey!

        3. Pope Jimbo

          I don’t want to slut shame you, but do you really think it is appropriate to put your naughty bits out on display like that?

          1. commodious spittoon

            Well done.

        4. Don Escaped Texas

          there are 10 kinds of people in the world:

          1. Those who understand Binary

            Those who don’t

            Those who realize this was in Trinary.

      2. He only knows the theory.

        1. AlexinCT

          Yeah, I bet he has no idea how to use a screw driver and would ask you if he should pour more OJ on it..

    2. Don Escaped Texas

      Check my math, but I think SNHU is a diploma mill; I’ve never heard/seen/worked with one of their “alumni.” Maybe his u/g is similarly derived.

      1. KibbledKristen

        The email included the name of his undergrad alma mater, which was a real college

      2. RAHeinlein

        Yep.

      3. I think they do render a useful services at competitive prices. I wasn’t even aware that SNHU had a physics program. I am not sure I would agree with the characterisation of SNHU as a “degree mill” since they offer affordable pricing and remote learning. Their physical campus footprint is quite large.

        At the same time, I’ve encountered a lot of overly entitled, highly mediocre come out of mid-tier universities as well as the ivies in 15 short years in my industry (engineering) and focus more on the “what the fuck have you actually done?” “do you clearly have work ethic?” and overall impression from an interview before coming to an overall conclusion.

        1. I am not sure I would agree with the characterisation of SNHU as a “degree mill” sincejust because they offer affordable pricing and remote learning.

    3. More power to him wanting to better himself. Is the condo complex large enough to warrant him constantly working on projects, or is this a part time/side gig for him based on your estimation?

      1. KibbledKristen

        It’s low pay, the equipment is literally from the mid-1960’s, the residents are fucking assholes (case in point right here), there’s asbestos everywhere, etc., etc.

        But it’s possible he’s getting free rent. The association owns a couple of units, IIRC.

  50. Count Potato

    “and about how nobody cares about shit like this unless its a pretty white girl (not true)”

    How is that not true?

    1. Bob Boberson

      “and about how nobody cares about shit like this unless its a pretty white girl (not true)”

      more precisely:

      ‘the media only gives it a ton of airtime when the victim is a pretty white girl (true)’

      I think Sloopy’s implying people would care about any missing girl, or boy for that matter, regardless of race but the media’s control of the narrative means we are only allowed to care if it’s a pretty white girl.

      1. B.P.

        Don’t worry. That story is about to go down the memory hole because…. illegal alien.

    2. Bob

      Hmmmm is there an example of say- a black dude dying and it getting national coverage and riots?

    1. She needs to stop with the butt injections.

      1. AlexinCT

        That ass will not age well. At 40 it will be as big as a house.

      2. Yeah, she’s doing that weirdly wide butt thing that seems to be all the rage with the kids these days. It’s not attractive.

      3. Private Chipperbot

        Yeah. But would like the fist of an angry god.

    2. Rhywun

      Girl, give it a rest.

    3. straffinrun

      Why would I waste my time making this? Cuz I’m quite buzzed is the answer.

  51. KibbledKristen

    Some dude commenting on the live Honolulu webcam. You poor, poor bastard.

    guys plz tell me my gf lives in Hawaï and she aint answering is smth dangerouss happend ?

    1. dbleagle

      Well according to the state we have incoming missiles……ummm wait. Sorry we don’t.

      We’ll get some rain and wind soon but probably not a major strike since the storm is weakening and beginning to move west again.

      But this is our f**ing theme song.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6iRNVwslM4

      1. KibbledKristen

        Yep. And the poor asshole above has no idea his “gf” is ghosting him with extreme prejudice.

  52. Count Potato

    “Smoking gun photo emerges of naked Asia Argento with 17-year-old co-star ”

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6086009/Asia-Argento-admits-DID-sex-17-year-old-Jimmy-Bennett-texts.html

    Outlets keep mentioning this photo they don’t publish.

    1. KibbledKristen

      She’s outright lied and blamed her dead boyfriend. She’s a real peach.

      1. AlexinCT

        This coming out is killing her ability to virtue signal and get the attention she desperately wants…

      2. commodious spittoon

        It’s right up there with Weiner’s “tip of al Queda’s sword” and Weinstein’s “forgive me my trespasses, I’m going to take on the NRA rather than assaulting women.”

    2. I wonder if they can’t because the kid is a minor.

      1. Count Potato

        I don’t know what the definition of “child porn” is. But whatever it is, it’s probably vague and stupid.

        1. AlexinCT

          You will know it when you see it!

    3. AlexinCT

      I was told by an Asian male friend that those Asian tiger moms sometimes do some real freaky shit to get their kids to go into overdrive in their competitive academic world (including sex acts supposedly), but doubt this is one of those cases…

      1. B.P.

        I… uh….. huh.

        I got nothing.

  53. Count Potato

    “Here’s fun Twitter game: whenever somebody tweets about Asia Argento, search their timeline for their tweets about Roy Moore”

    https://twitter.com/iowahawkblog/status/1032277229420597248

    1. “What does an Alabama senate candidate have to do with a cheese company in Wisconsin?”

      1. They both like fresh milk?

        1. straffinrun

          Snicker.

  54. Count Potato

    “Nabisco’s Animal Crackers Now Uncaged After PETA Called For Box Redesign”

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-08-21/animal-crackers-break-out-of-their-cages-jl36tn2h

    1. The proper response is to simply tell PETA “stop funding domestic terror and get a real job”.

    2. KibbledKristen

      And, as a result, animal cruelty has been eradicated from the planet!

      1. AlexinCT

        Well said Kristen. These people are idiots.

  55. Count Potato

    “Why are you bringing race into it? Don’t you ever get tired of playing the race card?”

    https://twitter.com/tariqnasheed/status/1031992651686469632

    1. Rhywun

      i’m now 100% sure that Tariq is a satire account

      Now? I was certain the first time I saw it.

  56. For lack of a better term: DUUUUUUUUH

    https://freebeacon.com/national-security/russia-influence-operations-seek-sow-u-s-division/

    Dems continuously shitting themselves over MUH RUSHUH are playing right into Putin’s hand.

    1. commodious spittoon

      IT’S TRUMP’S FAULT FOR MAKING US PLAY INTO PUTIN’S HAND!

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        True. As I mentioned yesterday Trump is creating a hyper-capitalist dictatorship intent on enslaving all non-whites and women. All the while impoverishing everyone except the 1%er’s.

      2. commodious spittoon

        Even excusing the left’s historical friendliness toward the Soviets, why shouldn’t they side with Putin over America? Given the indelible stain of racism on this country, the fact that we continue oppressing minorities, our cops hunt black men in the streets, we treat women as breeding stock, deny gays and trannies their basic humanity, pollute the oceans with plastic straws, keep aspiring socialist countries in abject conditions, embroil otherwise peaceful nations in bloody wars, prop up murderous regimes like Israel, indoctrinate children to salute the flag and believe in the Christian God and serve in the armed forces, and give TV shows to repulsive bigots like Roseanne Barr and Tim Allen, wouldn’t they want a benign autocrat like Putin (who’s loved by his people, unlike Trump!) to exert more influence over world events?

    2. Rebel Scum

      As is the MSM.

    3. Bob

      I doubt it. They always act like Russia is of one unified political opinion.

      Russia’s master plan was to run FB ads that will hardly be noticed. In a sea of political discourse, engaging in political discourse has to be the lamest international attack in history.

      It’s more likely just a business that reviews and likes. The article Mueller plagiarized essentially said that’s what it was, and it remains the most plausible explanation.

      I’m sure the Russian government has its own plans but they are probably more involved in lobbying politicians through proxy organizations than online political debates.

  57. Count Potato

    “If anyone is looking for a good lawyer, I would strongly suggest that you don’t retain the services of Michael Cohen!”

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1032247043992023040

    1. Rebel Scum

      One of the responses was a Hillary meme about her not being locked up. And then there was this:

      Well she got examined by every Republican there is and found no criminal doings, so either the Republicans don’t know what in hell their doing or she has nothing to hide…

      Because that’s what happened. James Comey detailed at length all of the crimes she committed as secstate but “no criminal doings were found”. I am convinced some people live in an alternate universe fabricated by their minds.

      1. R C Dean

        she got examined by every Republican there is

        Well, that went off the rails immediately.

    1. Count Potato

      “Scardina may have gotten some giggles out of his spiteful trolling of Phillips but wouldn’t it be delightful irony if, thanks to petulance of the commission, Phillips gets another SCOTUS hearing, this time getting to the heart of the matter. With Justice Brett Kavanaugh, a principled defender of individual freedom, on the bench, Phillips may yet get the last laugh.”

      I wouldn’t hold my breath.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Fuckin’ Kennedy. “Hey, we get it, you hate Christian fundamentalists and think this guy is a rancid piece of shit. Just be more circumspect about it next time.”

        1. R C Dean

          That was a terrible decision, basically greenlighting religious discrimination by the state as long as its not too overt.

  58. KibbledKristen

    Have we discussed this McAfee Tweet? I honestly have no clue if he’s being funny or if this is literally what he does. His replies indicate this is how he really handles firearms.

    https://twitter.com/officialmcafee/status/1031913880367316993

    1. Can’t be serious, but then again Poe’s Law cuts in many directions.

    2. Also, “Accidental discharge? No. Some intentional when idiots tried to rush me. 2 women spontaneously orgasmed.”

      They had an orgasm when he shot them?

      1. Bob Boberson

        If I had the ray-gun from Orgasmo I’d probably shower with it too.

    3. commodious spittoon

      Does he hold it up to his head and warn people to back off or the libertarian’ll get it?

  59. straffinrun

    Jeffrey Tucker on The Rubin Report. I feel the testosterone draining from my nutsack.

    1. Take the cordless drill out.

  60. KibbledKristen

    Also BOTD: Ben’s Chili Bowl. I’m proud to say I’ve lived in and around DC for 28 years and never eaten there.

    1. Congrats? I’m missing something, aren’t I?

    2. Rhywun

      Blood on the Dancefloor?

    3. Psycho Effer

      Ben’s Chili Bowl is one of the most over-rated things in DC.

    4. Bitch of the Day?