This week, we explore new frontiers in how-late-can-I-submit-something-and-still-make-its-slot?
If I told you exactly how busy I’ve been, I wouldn’t have time to tell you anything else. Suffice it to say: Germans.
Fortunately, this week the skies are pretty straightforward, if not particularly happy. The big indicator is a FIVE (5!) planet alignment of Sol-MERCURY RETROGRADE-Terra-Luna-Mars(retrograde). None of these are good signs in and of themselves, and when you line them all up together you get bad shit happenin’ yo. Everything is representing bad change, loss, destruction etc. There is an interlocked alignment of Sol-Venus-Saturn(retrograde) indicating that part of this general shittiness will be the end of a loving relationship, or (possibly) a bit of pleasant novelty in the rump-pumpy aspect of life.
Sorry.
There is one bit of good news; Venus is in Libra. This means that the second interpretation of the the second alignment is more likely. Thank Bob for small favors.
Leo, which had been enjoying niftiness is going to have a week of chaos and general shitstorms, what with MERCURY RETROGRADE and the moon causing havoc. Huh. Maybe I’m a week behind in my charts, because if next week is more hectic than this one… well, it was nice knowing you all. For the rest of you, DO NOT get a haircut this week.
Rufus’ life remains stable.
Jupiter really should be doing something about the general state of the skies, but instead is just vaguely helping out chemo patients in Scorpio. I guess I can’t really bag on him too much for that.
TW: Hipster Porkpie, Trilby Neckbeard, 70’s Drummer, Blonde Asian, (((Redhead))), and Brunette Bassist Babe. God Bless America.
Comments
134 responses to “I Fucking Love Astrology: The Horoscope for the Week of August 12”
Venus in Libra?
Shouldnt it be the other way around?
And Black Dynamite shows how you rock the zodialogical signs .
*Language totes NSFW
That’s a bit more Kabbalah than astrology, but related.
Yeah, what if I’m not into pegging?
I finally got around to looking that up. The Wikipedia page has a surprisingly graphic illustration. (NSFW)
Why does wikipedia not have a link to their page on “reach around”? Not a very complete ‘pedia now is it.
And I didn’t know what that meant either. The things I learn here.
And I assume some of them are even useful.
Librator in Vaginus?
Trannies.
MERCURY RETROGRADE indeed. This is the street next to me:
http://www.saratogian.com/general-news/20180810/bear-necessities-bruin-on-prowl-in-wilton-neighborhoods?source=most_viewed
I had no idea you weren’t supposed to put out bird feeders until Nov 30. That’s disappointing, since I was hoping to attract songbirds to my new place.
It would be funny if it were somehow the fault of the horse people.
In the lobby of The Saratogian, there is a life-sized stature of a… horse headed centaur, whatever that is. In Jockey silks.
Hopeful Lane?
I hope your street has a better name.
Thanks for somehow fitting these posts into your crazy life! I enjoy them.
It’s near Nonchalant Way and Ho Hum Drive. I am not making this up.
Also,
It amazed me when I moved out here that names actually mean things.
When/where I grew up, names were just things that developers slapped on things. But here, Saratoga Springs actually has springs bubbling up all over the place. Ballston Spa likewise with the mineral springs. My new place is going to be on Stone Church Road, at the corner of which is a honkin’ big stone church.
Fuck birds. I hate em all. Making all sort of shit noise when I’m trying to sleep in the morning. *grabs shotgun, opens window* Sing this, feathered mutherfuckers!
And get off of my lawn!
Why is it always MY fault? Bob this and Bob that, all the Time…..
Because you forgot to check the thermostat?
It is time for A/C thanks for the Reminder..
the V stands for ‘Virgo’
And C for Cancer?
You gave people bad furnace advice? *somewhere in Cali, neighborhood explodes, ignites huge forest fire. Trumpanzi orders airforce to bomb fires and Cali falls off into Pacific*
Geez, Yusef, see what you’ve gone and done?
Band freaked me out (esp. the center one) what’s with the hand gestures? facial gestures?
Shudders
Just watch the bassist mugging for the camera the entire time.
That’s good advice.
Robyn Adele Anderson apparently also has a side gig as a retro pin-up girl. Would google.
Not Adahn
I’m moving this week.
Bad timing ?
Just don’t also get a haircut.
Lying liar woman (who, let’s be honest, barely qualifies as such, because women never lie) lies about domestic abuse by a noble black man to derail his candidacy.
Must believe the victim. (provided the victim is a woman or person of color)
“You know who else read stuff?”
https://twitter.com/RoamingMil/status/1028422840431861760
“Oh dammit FINE Here’s a “perjury trap” explainer, because it’s trending, and because dumbass sentences about it are falling out of people’s head-holes”
https://twitter.com/Popehat/status/1027577955642368000
None of this is operative, because Mueller is an upstanding officer of the court. His conduct is unimpeachable. He may well be the most honest man ever to have graced this wicked, fallen species of ours. Jesus Christ would find himself penitent in the midst of such a man.
From an article linked in the thread:
Isn’t it just awesome that Kozinski got #metoo’d (for pr0n at work rather than rape/assault)? It’s not like he was a good jurist or anything.
TW: Citizen truth
I’m not certain “it” knows what totalitarianism is, or cares.
Not going to read the article (we have certain standards to maintain here), but where the fuck did they come up with $120k a year? If you can’t easily live on half of that (with no kids) here in flyover country, you’re doing something wrong.
No idea. Probably just sounded good.
They were also kind enough to throw in housing, education, healthcare
and employment.
Because any filthy rich having 120k a year of more need the living shit taxed out of them for the general good. Problem solved.
Excellent. No need for me to go to work anymore. How long til we run out of other people’s money?
About 3.7 weeks
Don’t quit yet
Who the fuck is the dummy with a base income of 120k who’s going to work for $20 an hour? Not me.
Boredom, enjoy what they do and the worst anti-day drinkers
So electricians like my dad was aren’t specialized.
Holy shit, most unintentionally hilarious document ever.
Where is voting done, in an open park somewhere? Otherwise you need staff to open up any kind of building designed to handle the flow of a lot of people (school, city hall, library, theater). You presumably need people to hand out ballots and help people feed ballots into machines (or whatever voting method is used). But if those people aren’t permitted to work, then nobody votes.
https://www.statista.com/statistics/183635/number-of-households-in-the-us/
126,220,000 U.S. households in 2016. At $120k each, that’ll come to just a bit more than $15.1 trillion per year.
Plus the cost of providing free education, healthcare, housing, and food to everyone. No talk of where all tis money is going to come from, naturally.
Why vote when you’re getting all this free shit?
What are they going to do to the self-employed?
Is everyone getting equal access to helium? That’s the important question.
Also, are they shutting down all the military on voting day? All hospitals must by law remain unstaffed between 8am-10pm? Nursing homes? Power plants? Public transportation workers? Nobody can gas up their car?
And the day after it gets instituted, households that have more than one person in them start complaining that single person households are unfairly getting more.
What’s with the video? That song must be sang by a shitlord. A girl cannot make ‘she loves horses and America too’ sound all sarcastic and shit! *triggered*
*start downstairs to get coffee*
*realize I forgot cup*
*grab phone*
*walk downstairs to get coffee*
forgot cup, again
*Pours some bourbon into coffee, puts phone in pocket, grabs beer with other hand*
https://twitter.com/reauxgoldnkrys/status/1028076163669942272
I wasn’t planning on eating anything canned today, but now I want to try this.
I have one that works that way, but it’s intended to. Now I’m going to have tuna salad just so I can try that with a conventional one.
Report your findings.
It did not work for me. But the old can opener I have does not work well at all anymore. I’ll buy a new one like that and try it again. Or maybe the person in the vid has altered the opener in some way.
It looks like a regular Swing-a-way can opener.
And this is why I love this site. That’s what we’ll tell the censors when they come for us. Hey, it’s a learning site! Right before the woodchipper part.
Is that Interstellar?
Just tried it. It sort of works. Bit of a struggle, though. I needed kitchen shears at the end.
I’ve done it this way before. It’s good if you plan to use the entire contents of the can. It’s useless if you use those snap-on lids to reseal them though, because it takes the entire lip off the top.
Fortunately, this week the skies are pretty straightforward, if not particularly happy.
Yes, rain.
Lots of sun here again today. I’m going to be picking a lot of tomatoes soon, finally.
My garden sucks this year. Six weeks of 95-100 degrees has stopped it dead in it’s tracks. We’re just now starting to harvest tomatoes and we have 95-100 degrees forecast for the next two weeks.
Monsoon like rain all during June and July is what dimmed my mater prospects. But they’re loaded now and I have more peppers coming on again after a first decent harvest despite the monsoons.
97 degrees, 70% humidity, and haze from Canadian forest fires.
If you need me I’ll be inside enjoying A/C, the way Yusef intended.
He also likes to vacuum.
I did that earlier in solidarity with him.
It’s always Canada’s fault, isn’t it.
Yes. Yes it is, Ted.
Covers: I’m good with barroom cover bands. I sit around playing others’ tunes all the time. But I don’t dial them up or buy them.
That said, there are a few that are just so different or so much better than the original that they stand almost as their own contribution. I excuse:
a/ All Along the Watchtower – Jimi Hendrix
b/ The Ballad of the Snow Leopard and the Tanqueray Cowboy – Lyle Lovett
c/ If I Needed You – Emmylou Harris
d/ Hurt – Johnny Cash
Cash absolutely stole that song from Reznor. It now belongs to him.
Agreed. I read somewhere that Reznor also agrees.
I concur with the Johnny Cash cover of Hurt, that is amaze ballz stuff.
Personally, I’d add
e/ With a Little Help from My Friends — Joe Cocker
Also, I like Dylan’s original All Along the Watchtower but it’s a bitch to find. Instead, you get Dylan’s cover of Hendrix’s cover, which is as shitty as it sounds like it would be.
+1 on e)
Spanish Harlem/Aretha Franklin
Her cover of Respect is ten times better than Redding’s (which I “respect” and was recorded here in Memphis at Stax with the usual suspects backing him), but I can live the rest of my life without hearing either again.
I’m a sentimental fool, but her birthplace is just too far gone to mess with.
https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/34301
It looks much worse than the picture….time to let it go.
agreed on Cash
Disturbed – sounds of silence is equal to (possibly better) than original.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4
Meh. All the verses in Disturb’s version sound the same. S&G had more variation.
Limp bizkit did faith better.
Still not good, but better than the original.
Add:
Black Magic Woman- Santana
World Turning- Leo Kottke
Anything by Dylan played and sung by someone else
Oh yeah:
Summertime Blues- The Who
I’ll probably catch some hell for this, but I’ll add “Everclear’s cover of Brown Eyed Girl“
Not sure what the issues was there…
Everclear’s cover of Brown Eyed Girl
Thanks edit fairy!
I saw Bob Dylan once. He and his backing band played a version of “All Along the Watchtower” that sounded almost exactly like the Hendrix version except for the lyrics.
There’s also the whole soundtrack to the movie Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. 🙂
(Seriously, the songs range from really good to absolutely horrendous.)
“Aurora parents fighting to stop legally adopted 4-year-old daughter from being deported”
https://kdvr.com/2018/08/09/colorado-parents-fighting-to-stop-legally-adopted-four-year-old-daughter-from-being-deported/
But more government is always better.
It only took 2 paragraphs to figure out that she was not legally adopted.
What? Are you trying to get in the way of a really good narrative? TRUMP AT IT AGAIN, DEPORTING BABIES NOW!
This sounds sort of bullshit to me. If they’re citizens, they just apply for the daughter to get at least permanent residency, which will no doubt be granted. This sounds like a media scare mongering story to me, no way the kid gets deported if they pull their heads of their asses and get the legal process going.
+1 Elian Gonzalez.
Our society, our government has been on the path of totalitarianism for the last two and a half years.
His complaint is… what, exactly?
That we’re not getting there fast enough?
“Our society, our government has been on the path of totalitarianism for the last two and a half years.”
Sure, sure it has. Nothing bad happened until the orange one rolled into town. There was no war on drugs and no war on the 2nd amendment, no war on free speech, no police brutality, no minimum sentencing, no rape cages to throw people in for victimless crimes, none of that stuff, Trump started it all. Are those people really that damn naive, or are they just really bad people? Both?
That, if it comes too soon, the wrong people will be in charge.
OK, he’s a dictator, but he’s ‘our’ dictator, so it’s all good. /democrats
“Feminist Group: Postcards with Butts on Them ‘Normalize Violence against Women’
The claims that these cards are somehow dangerous make absolutely no sense.
Feminists in France are trying to ban a line of postcards that display scantily clad women, claiming that the cards are not only “sexist” but also “normalise violence against women.”
One of the apparently controversial postcards shows a group of women wearing thong bathing suits, and another shows a woman in a thong riding a bicycle.
None of the postcards shows or even insinuates any violent acts whatsoever — it’s just a bunch of butts — but a group called The Femmes Solidaires is saying that these butt cards are actually deeply dangerous. In fact, according to an article in the Telegraph, the group claims that the cards actually promote a “culture of rape” in which women are “sex objects that can be consumed and thrown away under the pretext of leisure and entertainment” and that they “normalise violence against women.””
https://www.nationalreview.com/2018/08/feminists-complain-postcards-normalize-violence-against-women/
Let me put it in perspective.
“Our group is comprised of women who have ugly butts, I mean we are not attractive in any way. No one wants to look at our butts. And besides that, we are also a bunch of hateful cunts who no one wants to be around. So we have to ban postcards”. /the honest version of the truth
I bet no one wants to look at their legs either.
https://twitter.com/Lauren_Southern/status/1028362842175627266
I thought fat bottomed bicycle racing girls made the rockin’ world go ’round.
Purely a style critique, but if you’re not going to translate “Femmes Solidaires” into “Women in Solidarity” or somesuch then… why translate “Les” into “The”? I get that most people reading National Review may know enough about French to figure out what it means, but then just leave the whole thing untranslated.
The Taliban could have made the exact same argument.
Not that this proves anything, but in my work around France I’ve found two interesting things: a) guy technical staff often have screensaver images that were very blue, mostly topless chicks in provocative poses b) chick (the other full half) technical staff ignoring said images.
I don’t know what the rules are, not that it matters: once, while being welcomed to a plant (supplier to Peugeot), the plant manager chain-smoked, even laughingly pointing his cigarette at the no-smoking sign.
Also: France has the best occupational safety signs in the world with fewer words (usually none) but graphically unambiguous images (eg: hand silhouette crushed and munched between gears). The US wastes so much space with words…then translating into espan~ol….when all you need for, say, slippery floor is an outline of a mop leaning on the wall next to a stooge-like shape with his feet flung above his head. Safety ain’t really that hard.
No worries ladies. You’ll all be wearing burkhas soon enough. Unless of course you’re racists?
Was thinking about getting a haircut this week. Not any more.
DO NOT get a haircut this week.
Roger that well dressed rat. I hate getting haircuts, I wish I was bald.
My wife cuts my hair and she’s in Europe, so no haircut anyway.
I trim my hair every time I get out of the shower (I think it’s about 2″), and wear a baseball cap most of the time.
TAPES!
We got the tapes, the N word tapes, the pee tapes, all the tapes!… the dog ate my homework, OK? Putin hacked the tapes.
“I’m in @Omarosa’s book on page 149. She claims to have heard from someone who heard from me that I heard Trump use the N-word. Not only is this flat-out false (I’ve never heard such a thing), but Omarosa didn’t even make an effort to call or email me to verify. Very shoddy work.”
https://twitter.com/FrankLuntz/status/1027989937470066688
Looks like Putin got to Frank Luntz as well. Is there anything the guy is not capable of?
Well, OK then!
I like Trump’s comment on that: “That nigger bitch is a liar!”
My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Trump use the N-word at 31 Flavors last night while demanding two scoops of ice cream. I guess it’s pretty serious.
Back in the day Putin got me to watch the first season of The Apprentice where Omarosa appeared. She was a lying, scheming bitch. It doesn’t reflect well on Trump that he hired her, but maybe those are attributes that he likes.
One of Trump’s weaknesses seems to be whom he hires. Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I present to you, Jeff Sessions.
Newspapers goan get that Drumpf!
Really, it is a shame that only 3 people in the country still subscribe to newspapers and 2 of them only use to line their bird cages.
If only Cali had thought of this
“SPLC is apparently “tracking” #VerifiedHate as a hate term. Are they aware of the satirical nature of the hashtag, designed to expose the double standard wherein bigots are consistently allowed and even promoted by tech sites so long as they are only bigoted towards caucasians?”
https://twitter.com/Styx666Official/status/1027214656795029504
https://twitter.com/hashtag/VerifiedHate
Are they aware of the satirical nature of the hashtag
Satire is a tool of white supremacy, don’tchaknow?
Most definitely, we need ban satire. I mean unless it’s satire of WIPIPO or Trump, that’s totes ok.
Does anyone know what ever happened to the guy who was arrested in Charlottesville for running over the woman and killing her? I don’t know if it’s true, but there are claims going around that the woman was not struck by the car at all, but instead died of a heart attack and that there is video which proves it. Anyone know if this is true? Because if it is, what happened to the guy? How can someone be incarcerated awaiting a murder trial if it didn’t happen? Something is not right here.
He’s also facing Federal charges last I heard. I have heard nothing about the state trial.
He’s got a trial date.
From this NBC article.
Is the jury allowed to see that tape? I mean I’m not making any assumptions or anything. But the woman who died, was not hit by the car. Not saying that the car did not cause her to get knocked down by other people running out of the way, because that definitely happened. People were also attacking his car with baseball bats and other tools, so he was probably scared, anyone would be. Anyway, the cause of the death was a heart attack, not any sort of trauma. No way possible for this guy to get a fair trial, just impossible.
Keep ignoring it, lesson deserved
+1 Lara Logan
IN the vein of ‘cover songs’, I always like the homage to Jimi-someone that Robert Flack worked into “Gone Away”. Melody appears throughout, but you can go to the 3 min mark.
Then in 2006, rapper T. I. needed a hook for his song “What You Know“, and well….what ya know. There it is again.