Climate Change strikes Phoenix… again.

Recently Phoenix was hit with a few storms, and one occurred over a Saturday afternoon.  No problem.  I can just hang out here, right?   Sure.  This however was no ordinary Saturday, it was one where we had one of these, and I simply didn’t want to go outside.  Would you go outside during one of these?

Probably not.  So it was one of those afternoons where I tell my kids to go somewhere else in the house and find something to put on for noise.  Sadly, I didn’t have the remote.  I never have the remote.  Why? Because I am not normally interested in what is on TV; live sports, DIY, and Food Network being an exception.  So I don’t care what is on because I’m probably just going to ignore it anyway.  My wife picked a Netflix show called, GLOW.

This is my review of Unity Vibration Raspberry Kombucha Beer.

I hope you appreciate this is a free service I provide.

Prior to the storm I went to Sprouts and found this while waiting for the butcher to finish my order.  I can’t watch women wrestling in the 80’s while sober; its just weird.  Kombucha seemed an appropriate choice.

You heard me.  Its about women wrestling—in the 80’s!

The story begins where two actresses are at their aerobics class.  I paid little attention to the dialogue, but they’re both out of work and the story line takes off when one later finds out the other slept with her husband.  Cue the main conflict.  One is significantly more attractive in the opinion of many that recall the 80’s fondly–specifically, she’s a buxom blonde.   Next they add in more conflict at the audition, where two women are questioning why are they there.  They are both relived to find out it isn’t porn, but mildly disturbed it is wrestling.

The director of this whole thing is a hilarious composite of 80’s tropes between the thick glasses, the power-stache, alcoholism, and womanizing.  He embodies the type of toxic masculinity that quite frankly is missing from popular culture.  Yes, he’s a dick, but he’s kind of the glue that binds all these people together and frankly that’s probably why you will watch beyond episode 1.

Coming to Comicon!

Another reason is you might find “Wolf Girl” strangely compelling, as she is the only character not playing a character within a character.  She’s just “Wolf Girl.”  The rest of the girls are hilarious stereotypes that outside the context of 80’s culture would never be seen anywhere.  Some are okay, the Valley Girl, and the British girl named, “Britannica,” for example.  Others are intentionally offensive, such as the Hindu girl playing a Libyan Terrorist, the Asian girl playing a character named, “Fortune Cookie,”  and a Black Actress as the character called, “Welfare Queen.”

Most of the plot revolves around the actresses learning to wrestle, finding a character to play, the blonde lady coming to terms with being a headliner for a wrestling show, having nobody else to pair in the act but with her former home-wrecker friend, and her former home-wrecker friend being unable to find a character.  That is until she figures out how to counter the blonde’s character as an All-American, Apple Pie type appropriately named, “Liberty Belle.”

…I was wrong, this is coming to Comicon near you!

Naturally, her nemesis is a Soviet agent named, “Zoya the Destroyer.”

The show is filled with good one liners.  Once they actually get around to performing in front of live audiences does the plot start to slow down.  They could’ve stopped there, but they didn’t.  If you get to this point, you’re probably just going to finish the season just to find out what happens.

So what in the hell is Kombucha?  It’s a probiotic tea fancied by the crunchy vegan types at Whole Foods and Sprouts.  Its meant to replace the “good” bacteria in the digestive tract.  I don’t recommend it unless you simultaneously spent the weekend snorting a Z-pack and are lactose intolerant.  In this situation, they simply let the bacterial cultures ferment until it comes to a high enough ABV they can reasonably market it as beer.  It’s not beer.  It’s an affront to humanity.

So the bottom line, this show is silly but you might like it, so check it out before they make it suck like the X-Files.  This drink is also silly, and you’ll probably hate it.  Try it at your peril.  Unity Vibration Raspberry Kombucha:  1.1/5