Thursday Afternoon Links

Artist’s rendition of BrettL hopped up on Bathsaltz and Florida sunshine

Hey guys, it’s Thursday and Brett is either high on bathsaltz, covered in bacon fat and wrasslin’ gators or in some kind of very dull workplace meeting (your imagination knows best), so I’m filling in today. All links are safe for work, so feel free to you know, click through and then make salient comments about them.

  • Florida oysters viciously murder 71-year-old man. You knew it wasn’t safe to swim in Florida water with open wounds, but you apparently also shouldn’t eat the shellfish while vaguely immunocompromised. VISIT FLORIDA TODAY!
  • We all know that those dastardly Millenials are killing everything from industrial beer production to fabric softener, but what will they be responsible for killing next? Themselves, apparently: A Spike In Liver Disease Deaths Among Young Adults Fueled By Alcohol. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!
  • I’m guessing you guys are just as into the fringiest Christian eschatology of (repeatedly proven) false prophets/straw-grasper Rabbi Jonathan Cahn and opportunistic asshole John Hagee as I am, so I’ll give you a heads up that a BLOOD MOON (or for the less dramatic: lunar eclipse) is happening soon and it’ll be the longest in the last century. Look to the heavens the night of 07/27 if it’s visible in your area and the weather is good, for the four horsemen will totally be coming this time.
  • Out of respect for/fear of one of the most powerful of us, I will not label this story but will only mention that those who like things trapped in amber, or issues of a herpatological nature might find the story interesting.
  • Speaking of herps, hackers may have the latest results from your HSV1/2 test Hackers Breach Network of LabCorp, US’ Biggest Blood Testing Laboratories, so you may want to engage in some proactive radical honesty with your sex partner(s). Currently the intrusion seems like it was contained and no confidential information was accessed, but that’s always how these things start and then it’s Russians reading your emails and making fun of your use of comic sans. Just be glad those doofy Chevy HHRs aren’t autonomous…yet
  • For the nerds among us…I assume that’s most of you: CNET’s 2018 SDCC roundup. I know you’re all nerds in your unique and meaningful ways and I’m not going to enact your labor if I don’t have to.

Huh, I’m being told that not including a music link is a grievous sin. I’ll let this raccoon DJ some background jams for you while you curate your tittaaaays and whatnot.

Comments

323 responses to “Thursday Afternoon Links”

  1. Thot Thursday.

    http://archive.is/obHM1

    I know there are a few Glibs that will be unable to resist fapping to #15.

    1. #7 is living high on the hog.

    2. Bobarian LMD

      I know there are a few Glibs that will be unable to resist fapping to #15.

      Probably a few that won’t make as far as #15.

    3. Chafed

      Definitely a mixed bag.

    4. Rasilio

      She’s ok but I’m a little busy over here with #22

    5. #9. Ironic because she’s fully clothed, but I’m diggin’ sexy Asian firefighter girl.

    6. Spudalicious

      #15 will gouge your heart out with a spoon for doing it wrong. She got the crazy eyes.

  2. “high on bathsaltz, covered in bacon fat and wrasslin’ gators or in some kind of very dull workplace meeting”

    These aren’t mutually exclusive?

    1. jesse.in.mb

      In Florida? Probably not mutually exclusive, no.

    2. Bobarian LMD

      I thought ‘covered in bacon fat and wrasslin’ gators’ was what florida man considers a ‘ very dull workplace meeting’?

      And bathsaltz?

      Pshaw, nothing different than a cup of coffee.

  3. How did the emcryo get trapped? Shouldn’t there have been either an egg or a mother around it?

    1. Caput Lupinum

      The title of the actual paper on the snake is titled A Mid-Cretaceous Embryonic-to-Neonate Snake in Amber From Myanmar, so the snake may not be an embryo but a new born, which makes more sense. Explanations on how the snake could have become trapped in the amber want covered in the article, and I’m not interested enough to try and search through the paper.

      1. Yeah, newborn slithers off and gets stuck is easier to see happening.

  4. Chipwooder

    click through and then make salient comments about them.

    I know you’ve been busy and not around so much, Jesse, but how did you ever come to the fantasy that we make salient comments?

    1. We do Leap into commenting. So an argent Glibertarian Salient on an Or Field?

      1. peachy rex

        Metal on metal? Better fimbriate that motherfucker before the College of Heralds catches your ass.

        1. That would require adding fiat money to the theme.

        2. Not Adahn

          It’s good enough for the Pope.

    2. Chafed

      Some comments are labeled OT. By process of elimination the rest must be salient.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        Salient, like the ‘Battle of the Bulge’.

        Not most noticeable or important.
        “it succinctly covered all the salient points of the case”
        synonyms: important, main, principal, major, chief, primary;

  5. Negroni Please

    I just graded a midterm I gave to my Florida students. Where can I get some tainted oysters to put me out of my misery. Holy shit they are illiterate morons. The plus side: many of them got all of the history wrong, yet got the libertarian analysis right.

    1. Chipwooder

      A long time ago my wife used to teach online classes for Troy State. The worst of the bad essays were pure comedy gold.

      1. Negroni Please

        The worst are pretty awesome. It’s the sad retarded nonsense written by the kids that are actually trying that crushes one’s soul.

        1. invisible finger

          I assume that if I went back today and read the essays I wrote 30 years ago that were graded “A” I’d be wondering how fucking stupid the teacher was.

          1. Negroni Please

            No you should wonder how fucking stupid the other kids in the class were. When you’re up against total morons making that A is MUCH easier. Someone has to make an A…

          2. I still dislike curved grades. Whether or not you learned the subject matter is an absolute, individual metric. You should not get a better grade for being in a class with imbiciles than you would have for the same results alongside savants.

          3. Brett L

            I made a 70 on a diff eq test, and was the high grade. The problem was that the teacher would just write in random differential equations for us to solve instead of ones that could be solved by what he taught. I also got a B with a 48. I don’t blame me. I basically took responsibility for the material and taught myself to get that 70.

          4. Negroni Please

            Yes and no. I hate grade inflation like every good nerd. Unfortunately the world we live in is different than we would like. If I alone try to hold the line against grade inflation while my colleagues do not, then all I accomplish is punishing students for taking my class. That’s not a good outcome either.

          5. mexican sharpshooter

            The problem was that the teacher would just write in random differential equations for us to solve instead of ones that could be solved by what he taught.

            This reminds me every Organic Chemistry test I have ever taken.

          6. Both Breett and Negroni have made an excellent point – We need better standards for teachers. No one who can’t teach and a means to disincentivize grade inflation.

        2. Brett L

          So I had a friend 10+ years ago who was a several years younger than me. He asked me to read his Honors History Thesis, and I had to explain that paragraphs should contain one entire thought, and were not just something you did after 7-9 sentences. I also had to explain that using a thesaurus without a dictionary is not cool, because in general, in English, longer words are far more specific than their shorter “synonyms”. It made me sad.

          1. Mad Scientist

            How does someone get to an honors level class having read so little?

          2. Negroni Please

            That…sounds about right…

          3. Grumbletarian

            He’s probably still several years younger than you today. SYHTFOTW

    2. “Where can I get some tainted oysters to put me out of my misery”

      If you were in Denver, I’d say Colfax Ave would be your best bet; not sure where the diseased whores hang out in Tampa.

      1. At Mons Venus?

      2. Raston Bot

        Ybor

    3. Mad Scientist

      They still expect their participation awards.

      1. Negroni Please

        Pretty much. I’ve got 4 students retaking this class because they failed it before. They’re all on pace for strike 2 here. Unbelievable.

        1. What do you teach?

          1. Negroni Please

            American History. Current summer class is post-reconstruction. My uncurved midterm mean was a 51. That includes my one bright outlier who got 107.

            I offered a 9 point bonus question. Only 3 people attempted it.

          2. Brett L

            “Write down a food”

          3. Pineapple Pizza
            Avocado Toast
            Haggis
            Girders?

          4. Rufus the Monocled

            Flower.

          5. ZARDOZ

            Miso….horny.

            Got ya, Trebek!

          6. mexican sharpshooter

            “What color was George Washington’s WHITE HORSE?”

          7. Depends was it a gray-white or a dominant-white?

          8. Rufus the Monocled

            Racist.

          9. Spartacus

            Sounds like AMH 2020. I’m sure you totally redid your syllabus to include those civic literacy objectives.

          10. Negroni Please

            Yep. You mean those course objectives I copied and pasted from someone else’s syllabus? Totally.

          11. Raven Nation

            Fucks SLOs

          12. Spartacus

            You could have some fun with it. One of them is to teach students about “important supreme court decisions”. That could be good for some yuks, depending on which ones you pick.

          13. starchy

            To RN: You leave Super Lead Overdrives out of it. Just because I can’t afford one doesn’t mean they are bad.

        2. Raven Nation

          I had a friend who taught World History to 1500 (required for graduation). In her first semester, she received an e-mail from a student who was failing the class. The gist of the e-mail was “I’ve failed this class twice before so can you just pass me so I can graduate?”

          1. Brett L

            I hope her reply was “why would I help you be an idiot?”

          2. Raven Nation

            She was far nicer than I and just said no with a suggestion the student drop the class and try again.

            And don’t get me started on drop dates: where I teach we start late August and a student has until November to drop.

          3. Was the reply “If your work is good enough”?

          4. Negroni Please

            My wife has had that happen multiple times in just the past year. She teaches junior level Mechanical Engineering courses. Yikes. I don’t want people who have failed thermo and heat transfer 3 times getting employed as engineers.

          5. Brett L

            Yes, “Go be a doctor”

          6. C. Anacreon

            And then, once you fail pre-med, it’s on to business or accounting. At least that’s what the peeps who started pre-med with me ended up doing.

          7. Trolleric the Goth

            honestly, once you really grasp what exactly the difference between saturated steam and superheated steam is, and what that distinction means, the class is easy.

            until then, there’s a lot of WTF the steam tables don’t say that! and self-doubt, and steam qualities of 1 or 0, etc.

          8. Homple

            Then supercritical happens.

    4. Chafed

      I hope that’s not cause and effect.

    5. Bobarian LMD

      Florida Taint Oysters — ska/death metal fusion band?

    6. Bobarian LMD

      Holy shit they are illiterate morons.

      Florida summer school students? You don’t say? You could knock me over with a feather.

      1. Spartacus

        My differential equations students weren’t bad. Or at least they wouldn’t have been if they didn’t try to take DE, Physics II, and Statics all in the same summer term.

        1. Brett L

          I had a young, OCD Statics prof for the summer. the 4th time he tried to give the introductory speech at 8:08 for an 8am class, he started lying in wait for people to come in. “Hey, come on in, welcome”. At 8:40 he said, “who has a watch?” Picked a guy and said, “Okay, this guy is the official time. You’ll have from 7:50 to 8:05 to do the quiz every morning by his watch. If you don’t want to fail the quiz, get with him and figure out what time he has.” He was also one of those guys who took one point off for every mistake. Carry a negative wrong through 20 steps in a 5 point problem? -20 points. Everyone should have one or two of those.

          1. I don’t care if people were late – you can’t start the quiz prior to the start of class. That’s not his time.

            He’s fired.

          2. Brett L

            It was always something you should be able to do in 2 minutes. “Solve this easy 2 force problem for the 3rd force”. But yeah, he got run off.

          3. I half espected the ending to be “So that guy set his watch back half an hour…”

  6. “so you may want to engage in some proactive radical honesty with your sex partner(s)”

    Unnecessary since the only sex I have is at bug chasing parties.

    1. “I’m sorry, but I tested negative for everything. You’re not going to catch it from me” -Q

    2. Bobarian LMD

      Something about smelling moth balls?

      How do you get their little legs apart?

  7. “The analysis revealed that deaths from liver-related illnesses have increased dramatically, and mortality in young people rose the fastest.”

    DOOOOMED! WE’RE DOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!

    1. jesse.in.mb

      WE’RE DOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!

      I’ll drink to that!

      1. AlexinCT

        That’ fucking made me spill my drink on my keyboard and screen Jesse.. You own me dude.

    2. Unreconstructed

      My favorite part was when they quoted the actual numbers…from 259 to 767 over a 17 year span. Yuuuge increase! No mention of percentage of 25-34 year old people that was in the given years. Wonder why?

      1. No funding without moral panic

        1. Chafed

          This.

    3. Mad Scientist

      We’re not doomed. Millennials dying off is a good thing for my artisinal casket business.

      1. jesse.in.mb
        1. Bobarian LMD

          Wood chippers and mulch piles.

      2. Juvenile Bluster

        When a good friend of mine died a few years back, she was cremated and her ashes were mixed into an artificial reef that was then placed offshore southeast Florida, and her family was given diving coordinates to “visit”. Assuming that all of us aren’t lined up, shot in the back of the head and shoved into mass graves in the next few years, that’s what I want to happen with my remains.

        1. Private Chipperbot

          I’m having some of my ashes put in an urn to be given as a white elephant present. Friends and relatives will have to pretend to be happy to get me as a gift forever.

        2. Enough About Palin

          I have the greatest German shepherd dog ever (we traveled the US from the Great Lakes to the Gulf of Mexico) buried in my back yard. She’s in a Marine Corps footlocker with all manor of toys and such along with a flash-drive full of information, pictures and video clips. All of the funerary items are enclosed in tripled Ziploc bags and the foot locker is wrapped in multiple layers of 4-mil plastic. She’s buried five-feet deep (hell of a hole to dig, btw). When I check out, I am to be cremated. My sister has been instructed to get the post-hole digger out of the garage, dig down three-and-a-half feet and then drop me in.

        3. Grumbletarian

          Put me into a steel urn and fire me from a railgun mounted on the ISS or something. I’d prefer a trajectory that will slingshot me past the outer planets and into the Kuiper Belt.

      3. mexican sharpshooter

        You’re going to have to compete with these people.

    4. Spudalicious

      Darwinism. Weeding out the weak ones.

  8. Juvenile Bluster

    Via She Who Shall Not Be Named (aka Lucy)

    http://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/blogs/stateline/2018/07/18/these-pills-could-be-next-us-drug-epidemic-public-health-officials-say

    I’m already pissed off enough at the goddamn opioid crackdown because it hurts my mom, who has MS. If they start “cracking down” similarly on benzos I’m going to go crazy. Maybe literally, because my anxiety disorder will run wild without them.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      First they came for the Quaaludes and I said nothing because I hadn’t been born yet…

      1. Count Potato

        That’s part of the reason why it’s bullshit. The amount of sedative-hypnotic drugs has remained constant. It’s just that benzos have replaced methaqualone, barbiturates, etc.

    2. Chafed

      It’s time to define “public health.” I get government involvement addressing communicable diseases. Addiction isn’t public, it’s personal and it isn’t communicable. Theses people are going to hurt a lot of people.

      1. invisible finger

        They’ll just redefine “communicable”.

    3. Spartacus

      “Still, Lembke said, the level of prescribing is much higher than it was in the mid-1990s and benzo dependence appears to be rising based on her own clinical observations.”

      In other words, they don’t have any actual data. But every day is a good day for a moral panic.

    4. The War on Drugs is morally evil.

    5. Grumbletarian

      My mother takes Clonazepam (among other things) for bipolar disorder. If Sessions Schedule 1s that shit I will start building my Killdozer.

    6. Count Potato

      That is one bullshit article.

    1. Private Chipperbot

      The first 1,000 fans will receive a free participation trophy. There are also contest for the best beard and man bun. There will also be a selfie stations posted around the ballpark.

    2. How is that going to improce attendance?

      1. Certified Public Asshat

        Free shit is free.

    3. mexican sharpshooter

      I laugh at this, but I know coming soon to Chase Field…

  9. Chafed

    OT: Why are all the kids in the outfield for the home run derby at the Allstars game wearing pink shirts?

    1. B.P.

      Dudebro, the derby happened on Monday.

      (I have no answer to your question. It’s probably to raise awareness about a problem that everyone has been aware of for decades.)

  10. Mojeaux

    you may want to engage in some proactive radical honesty with your sex partner(s)

    Calling Agnes

  11. Brett L

    but you apparently also shouldn’t eat the shellfish while vaguely immunocompromised

    So on a date once, I took a girl to my favorite oyster bar. Turns out her dad got a new liver courtesy of oysters. That may be the most uncomfortable dozen oysters I’ve ever slurped down.

    1. Mad Scientist

      “So, uh, will the aphrodisiac effect still work if you hated your dad?”

      1. jesse.in.mb

        Damn your nimble fingers

      2. Bobarian LMD

        Most strippers do have daddy issues.

    2. jesse.in.mb

      Not an effective aphrodisiac that time. then?

    3. We’ve had more than a few vibrio scares around here. The family mechanic actually died from a vibrio infection after he’d gone out fishing and nicked his leg with a hook. Every year a few people get it from Spa Creek. Pretty much the only way to avoid vibrio is to avoid the water and never eat raw oysters, which pretty much means that the odds are very good that most people around here are going to eventually get a case of vibrio.

      1. So I’m at zero risk. Good to know.

        1. Gustave Lytton

          Stick to bearded clams.

          1. jesse.in.mb

            Too spicy.

    4. Akira

      I’m a pretty adventurous eater, but I don’t see how raw oysters could be even remotely appealing.

      1. Mad Scientist

        To each his own. Personally, I find raw oysters are delicious!

        1. Anything with the appearance and texture of snot on a shell is going to make me hurl.

          Cooked and processed, I have no problems with shellfish. I just can’t eat them when they still look like the viscera of an invertibrate.

      2. Spudalicious

        Love raw oysters. That said, I never eat warm water oysters raw.

        1. Viking1865

          Yeah I don’t care for seafood in general, but my brother and dad both love it. We were on vacation once down in SC, and my brother wanted to order oysters. My dad just looks over the menu at him and goes “Son, never eat oysters in a month with no “r” in it.”

          1. You can eat raw oysters from cold waters or farmed oysters any time, it’s the warm water oysters that you have to avoid in warm months. We’ll eat oysters around here all the time with no problems, but they’re usually either from up north, the Pacific Northwest, or from aquaculture operations. There’s a lot of stuff going on but basically the big thing is keeping them iced in transit; farmed oysters aren’t sitting on a deck for hours at a go.

      3. I used to hate the idea of them, but then I tried one. I didn’t have much of an opinion, but then I kept thinking, “Man, I want another oyster…” I get raw oysters whenever I’ve got the chance now. They’ve always been big around here but now the hipsters have gotten a hold of them, so there are oyster bars all over the place with unusual varieties. It’s all become very artisanal, which is silly and ridiculous but also ultimately a good thing if you like oysters.

  12. Certified Public Asshat

    MLB Commissioner thinks we needmore baseball

    32 teams and 8 four team divisions? ugh.

    Ideally I would kill Oakland and Tampa and just have 4 seven team divisions. Second idea, stay at 30 but kill AL and NL and move to 3 ten team divisions.

    1. You can only kill the AL and NL if you kill the DH rule.

      1. Certified Public Asshat

        Yes. I don’t really have a strong opinion regarding DH or no DH (HRs are cool, fat guys playing defense is also cool, pitchers bunting is lame) but everyone would play under the same rule.

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          I’m indifferent to the rule as applied, its just…pick one and apply it everywhere.

      2. Brett L

        The DH is perfectly cromulent. It lets pitchers, who you don’t want having balls thrown at their hands/arms at 90+mph not bat, and it lets old guys earn a couple extra paychecks. Its all about the economics.

    2. mexican sharpshooter

      Portland, Las Vegas, Charlotte, Nashville in the United States, certainly Montreal, maybe Vancouver, in Canada,”

      I distinctly recall nobody showing up to Expos games. I have a better idea. Let’s give NY another baseball team!*

      *Not serious

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        I don’t understand the Montreal one. Yes, we have a long history of baseball going back to the Royals and yes we had solid attendance throughout its existence until the 90s when fans really got pissed about 1994, but I don’t see a solid ownership plan in place. Warren Cromartie is trying hard but it may not be enough.

        Montreal was a good baseball town. It’s a shame what happened but I’m not happy with the fans.

      2. slumbrew

        I went to an Expos v Blue Jays game back in the day – what a crap, empty stadium Stade Olympique was (is?)

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          The stadium is awful. It was built in the fricken 70s. But it was generally avg. 28 000 per in the 80s and the atmosphere wasn’t that bad. 22-25 in the 90s and then it collapsed. How Montreal got dibs for the World Cup is beyond me given that piece of junk. Now they want to sink $300-400 million in it; which means it will cost double or triple that. At that point, you’re better off building a brand new stadium.

      3. invisible finger

        Screw Las Vegas/Nashville. Indianapolis and Charlotte make the most sense. Stay away from prog states.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          I was wondering if Nashville was viable. It has an NFL team and they’ve taken to the NHL. So why not MLB?

      4. Bobarian LMD

        Does NY have a baseball team?

          1. mexican sharpshooter

            AND the Giants!

      5. robc

        Actually, another NY team cuts down on the advantage the Yankees and Mets have. The MSA is more than large enough to support a 3rd team.

    3. invisible finger

      I am OK with 32 teams but I would like to see 4 8-team leagues. Facing too many different opponents means you face rivals less often, which is utterly stupid. If my team isn;t facing Mike Trout this year, so what? I f I want to see Mike Trout I’ll either fly out to watch him or I’ll get MLB.TV and watch him there.

      Rob Manfred has achieved the unthinkable – becoming a bigger nincompoop than Gary Bettman.

      1. One league, 64 teams, never face the same opponant more than twice unless you make the championship.

        1. oh, and a salary cap of $10/game

      2. Certified Public Asshat

        4 8 team would be better than 8 4 team. As a sad Orioles fan, a division of Boston, NY, Baltimore, and Tampa would be very depressing.

  13. grrizzly

    The Intercept published an interestingarticle that helps explain how the evidence behind the indictment of 12 Russian GRU officers was obtained.

  14. DenverJ

    First!

  15. Indulging in the age-old Communist tactic of labeling your ideological opponents mentally ill.

    https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11139

    1. Gadianton

      homophobia, transphobia the good tricks never go a way.

  16. Pan Zagloba

    false prophets/straw-grasper Rabbi Jonathan Cahn

    God dammit Holy shit Random fluctuations in space-time continuum, a half hour interview on TRUMP REVEALED IN BIBLE?! I know what I’m doing after work!

    1. jesse.in.mb

      You sir are a gentleman and a scholar for clicking through. My mom got me one of his books for Christmas and I keep staring it on my shelf daring me to go down the nutbar rabbit hole.

      1. When I was in college, the bus station where I had a layover in the way to/from school had a “Christian” bookstore next door.

        I always wanted to go in and ask to buy a rosary.

      2. Viking1865

        My mother seems to think me being a raving anti government nut means I must clearly want to read the ghostwritten book of random Republican politicians. So I have a shelf that has untouched copies of books “by” W, Palin, McCain, etc etc.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          My parents used to give me books to read and give them feedback on. Things like Michael Drosnin’s The Bible Code. I would dutifully read them, look at them analytically and report back. TBC implied that there was an infinite number of possible futures encoded in the Torah, but then also claimed that you could tease out usable information from the endless possibilities AND that by knowing about it you could change implied or possible outcomes. In fact it still sold well after its predictions had already passed without occurring (which was the point my parents were reading it).

          My parents were not looking for analytics they were hoping I’d read it and be impressed and would validate their awe at Drosnin’s cleverness. Their response to that book review got…ugly and my brother in law had to step in.

          1. Viking1865

            Yeah I never really got the appeal of that kind of Christian writing. My soon to be inlaws are very religious, but listening to Christian stations on the radio is about as far as it goes for them.

          2. jesse.in.mb

            I find it incredibly fascinating stuff, but I a) won’t spend money on it, and b) don’t see it as in any way representative.

            After a while I just started saying “What is unclear about ‘no man knows the day or the hour’?” and left it at that.

          3. Does anybody know what time it is?
            Does anybody really care?

          4. Brochettaward

            Your parents sound like the worst.

          5. jesse.in.mb

            Nah, they’re good people, but they have some really, REALLY bizarre quirks that make them entertaining and/or insanely aggravating depending on your mood.

  17. slumbrew

    The Christian Post is a gold-mine of great headlines:

    Pulse Survivor Recounts Shooting, Leaving Homosexuality: ‘I Gave God My Gayness, Addiction’

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Sigh. So my therapist had a book of case studies of his successes in helping homosexuals become well-adjusted heterosexuals. Literally all of them involved poor children who had come from a good Christian home, who had been molested by an older male family member from their awesome Christian home *handwaves*SOMEONE*handwaves*, had been thrown out on the street at a young age, had to prostitute themselves to survive and ended up *surprise* on drugs and hating their own lives. For whatever reason their history of abuse and childhood eviction from their homes wasn’t the genesis of their suffering, it was their “misidentifcation with the homosexual lifestyle”. It was the only book I threw in a rubbish bin instead of donating.

      1. slumbrew

        That sounds infuriating – shouting “How can you be so obtuse?!” at a book is not that satisfying.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          I was actually pretty happy about it. My parents had asked me if I was willing to try therapy, they found THE BEST (literally, internationally known) reparative therapist on the earth, and a review of his work was so glaringly horseshit cured me of any desire to continue looking for a “cure”. It was very liberating.

          But the book had to go. I didn’t want someone who was naive/desperate coming across it and getting suckered in like my parents had been.

  18. gbob

    What happens to a SJW when the mob turns on him.

    Just a few years ago, many of my friends and peers who self-identify as liberals or progressives were open fans of provocative standup comedians such as Sarah Silverman, and shows like South Park. Today, such material is seen as deeply “problematic,” or even labeled as hate speech. I went from minding my own business when people told risqué jokes to practically fainting when they used the wrong pronoun or expressed a right-of-center view. I went from making fun of the guy who took edgy jokes too seriously, to becoming that guy.

    When my callouts were met with approval and admiration, I was lavished with praise: “Thank you so much for speaking out!” “You’re so brave!” “We need more men like you!”

    Then one day, suddenly, I was accused of some of the very transgressions I’d called out in others. I was guilty, of course: There’s no such thing as due process in this world. And once judgment has been rendered against you, the mob starts combing through your past, looking for similar transgressions that might have been missed at the time. I was now told that I’d been creating a toxic environment for years at my workplace; that I’d been making the space around me unsafe through microaggressions and macroaggressions alike.

    1. Mad Scientist

      I agree that he’s been creating a toxic environment for years.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      I don’t understand progs who claim South Park. South Park mocks the left more than it does the right. By a significant margin. I believe its creators even lean Republican; or at least just plain hate Democrats more.

  19. Gilmore

    OMG BABY POWDER GIVES YOU CANCER OMG OMG

    well… in certain *applications*

    she had been using J&J baby powder several times a day since she was 10. The now 53-year-old Kim said she put the powder on bed sheets, carpets, her hair, face and body and even on her dog.

    Kim said she put her faith in the brand because of its promise of purity. “They call it baby powder to make it seem innocuous,” she said.

    THE POISON IS THE DOSE, DUMBASS

    i don’t know any more than what’s in the story, but i feel like a smarter lawyer could have somehow gotten J+J out of this shit. or should have.

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      “They call it baby powder to make it seem innocuous,” she said.

      Wrong. It’s called baby powder because its made from babies.

      1. Gilmore

        ONLY THE FINEST WHITE BABIES

        1. Some brands use bleached babies of color.

      2. Mad Scientist

        That’s why J&J has a shipping/receiving facility near every Planned Parenthood.

      3. Rufus the Monocled

        Part of my orphan factory – roughly 32% – goes to J&J. I never asked what they did with the kids because, well, monocles.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Footage of the plaintiff using said baby powder

    3. Count Potato

      $4.69 Billion?

  20. Pan Zagloba

    Out of respect for/fear of one of the most powerful of us, I will not label this story but will only mention that those who like things trapped in amber, or issues of a herpatological nature might find the story interesting.

    Mr Lizard, if you please, I’d like to know where your race stands vis a vis Snake People?

  21. I know this likely has to do more with IowaHawk’s popularity than any kind of real commentary on the Twatter mob, but it’s still pretty funny.

    https://twitchy.com/sarahd-313035/2018/07/19/the-last-gddamn-straw-iowahawk-sics-mob-on-certified-she-demon-allegra-budenmayer/?utm_campaign=twitchywidget

    1. slumbrew

      Death to the demoness Allegra Budenmayer

      Nice eXistenZ reference.

  22. Gilmore

    I was expecting carts being pulled by dogs.

    Venezuelan Public Transport Industry Collapses: Weary Citizens Resort to “Dogcarts”

    Well, i’m sure thats the next step, after the gas stops being pumped because people dismantled the infrastructure for scrap-metal

    1. I was expecting rickshaws made from dog skins.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        I was expecting a vendor selling hot dogs, without the hot.

    2. slumbrew

      Pshaw, like there are any dogs left…

    3. mexican sharpshooter

      I am looking at this wondering why its taking so long, and it makes me curious if Venezuela has a temperate winter? I’m beginning to think it is the key difference between them and the Soviet Union. Its one think to be starving, its another to be starving and freezing to death.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Yup. Caracas has an average high/low of 80/65 all year. http://www.caracas.climatemps.com/

        1. Gustave Lytton

          Aruba is just 15 miles from Venezuela.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Rufus: “Here’s the proof Soros invested in your company.”
      Reporter: (Looks at investment paper): That’s your opinion.”

    2. See Double You

      “Soros also said there were Republicans—senators John McCain (Ariz.), Susan Collins (Maine), and Lisa Murkowski (Alaska)—whom he wished he could back financially, but restrains himself because he knows it would hurt them politically.”

      All the more reason to hate those three.

  23. Mustang

    The author of the oyster story looks exactly like a Florida reporter should look.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Huh, I wonder if it’s related to the more plebian sex club Sanctuary near the airport.

      1. Let’s see:

        “sanctum – a sacred place, especially a shrine within a temple or church.”
        “sanctuary – a holy place; a temple or church”

        Checks out. The sanctum is apparently within the sanctuary, so you have to go past all the degenerate Deplorables to get to the liberated Beautiful People.

    2. Gilmore

      It costs men almost $2000 to attend one Snctm event, and a lifetime membership costs $75,000

      Gee should i get the lifetime membership for this fly-by-night org which is basically just a faddish party-promoter in LA that will be gone in the next 6months?… hmmm, choices, choices.

      Alternatively: I could buy $2000 worth of blow, walk into any nightclub, and be like, “Ladies, who wants to come back to my…..” and you’d get more or less the same results.

      1. Gilmore

        “but they gots TUXEDOES! THEYS FANCY LIKE”

        Eyes Wide Shut sucked, frankly

        1. Mojeaux

          I actually liked that movie, although Nicole Kidman acted rings around Tom Cruise.

          It is a vastly different movie watching it as a single person versus watching it as a married person.

      2. “I could buy $2000 worth of blow, walk into any nightclub, and be like, “Ladies, who wants to come back to my…..” and you’d get more or less the same results”

        Easier still, only $100 worth of meth to be used specifically at a Central Florida nightclub (assuming you’re less picky about how many teeth the women have).

        1. Gadfly

          Easier still, only $100 worth of meth to be used specifically at a Central Florida nightclub (assuming you’re less picky about how many teeth the women have).

          Depending on what you’re wanting to happen, fewer teeth might be better.

    3. Pan Zagloba

      As Pam taught us, “You can’t put a price on good pussy”.

      1. Sure you can. According to the data from the Raqqa Markets – it’s actually kinda cheap.

    4. I also liked the part in which the club manager says the women are all “adventurous doctors and lawyers”; but when the author talks to the women, most of them are “actresses”, “models” or “do a lot of things”.

      Also, we’re supposed to believe that the author left without fucking anyone? Journalistic standards are so low nowadays.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        It should definitely be in the article disclosures.

      2. You realize they now get to write off the entrance payment as a business expense – so we’re helping to finance that visit.

  24. gbob

    Strange that this wasn;t brought up in the tattoo thread.

    A man who has had 90% of his body covered in black ink has now decided to have his genitals removed. Adam Curlykale, 32, from Kaliningrad in Russia, decided to start tattooing his body, including his eyeballs, with black ink after he was diagnosed with cancer 12 years ago.

    And after getting almost 90% of his body covered, Adam felt that his penis ruined his look so he paid to undergo the extreme surgery. He has now shared pictures with his fans on social media after having his penis, nipples and testicles removed.

    1. I’m pretty sure it was brought up in at least two other threads.

      1. Michael

        I don’t think anything is being brought up for that guy anymore.

    2. Spudalicious

      Mind boggling.

  25. gbob

    Explain how this isn’t child abuse?

    Is Zyler a boy or a girl? How about Kadyn? That’s a question their parents, Nate and Julia Sharpe, say only the twins can decide. The Cambridge, Mass., couple represent a small group of parents raising “theybies” — children being brought up without gender designation from birth. A Facebook community for these parents currently claims about 220 members across the U.S.

    “A theyby is, I think, different things to different people,” Nate Sharpe told NBC News. “For us, it means raising our kids with gender-neutral pronouns — so, ‘they,’ ‘them,’ ‘their,’ rather than assigning ‘he,’ ‘she,’ ‘him,’ ‘her’ from birth based on their anatomy.”

    On the other hand, I can’t wait to see the kind of shit posting monsters they wind up raising.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      I mean, honestly…it probably doesn’t matter. The Prussian Blue girls ended up hippies or something after singing about the coming race war and aryan racial purity for years at the behest of their parents. That said, this is nonsense and increasingly tiresome nonsense at that. I’ve seen various friends handle some of this stuff exceptionally well, and theybys is not handling it even vaguely well.

      1. commodious spittoon

        OTOH it doesn’t make me any more willing to make raising my children the communal experience these people so desperately want.

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      For the kids’ sake, thank goodness Obamacare required health insurance companies to cover mental health services, because they’ll need it.

    3. Mojeaux

      Wait till the one with 2 X chromosomes starts bleeding every month…

  26. Pan Zagloba

    Today on Trevor Noah or Stormfront?

    US-based South African comedian Trevor Noah has defended himself after being criticised by a French diplomat for saying “Africa won the World Cup”.

    But he said his statement should be put in context: “When I am saying, ‘They are African’, I am not saying it as a way to exclude them from their Frenchness, but using it as a way to include them in my Africanness.”

    1. Did he just assume their race instead of asking if they self-identify as African instead of French? Or is he just judging them based upon their skin tone? What a bigot.

    2. He’s the right color and on the right team. He gets a pass.

    3. commodious spittoon

      Progressive icons never flub lines or make boneheaded remarks, it’s always just much too cerebral for your unsophisticated understanding of such things. Also, how dare you question him.

    4. Rufus the Monocled

      He’s an idiot either way.

      That he gets attention of any kind and passed off as some sort of comedic/intellectual fricken sickens me.

    5. Rufus the Monocled

      Have you seen this meme? The second one about Griezmann in the French squad.

      https://starecat.com/memes/antoine-griezmann/

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          /sticks suss in UCS mouth.

          Itsokay. It was for soccer people.

          1. commodious spittoon

            The hell is a suss?

          2. Don’t you just drug the kids to sleep?

          3. Not Adahn

            Crown Royal and maple syrup.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Who gives a fuck about Griezmann?

        Alisson Becker, baby. Woot.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          IT’S NOT ABOUT HIM!

  27. Since many of the Burners are from the Bay Area, how will they be able to tell the difference?

    https://www.sfgate.com/lifestyle/article/Poop-is-beginning-to-be-a-big-problem-at-Burning-13087003.php

    1. “Hey man, we come out to the desert to get away from the poop.”

  28. The Late P Brooks

    “A theyby is, I think, different things to different people,” Nate Sharpe told NBC News. “For us, it means raising our kids with gender-neutral pronouns — so, ‘they,’ ‘them,’ ‘their,’ rather than assigning ‘he,’ ‘she,’ ‘him,’ ‘her’ from birth based on their anatomy.”

    Great. Some kindly little old lady is going to look down at the kid and say, “Oh, he’s so CUTE! How old is he?”

    And then she’ll be subjected to twenty minutes of tedious imbecility about how horrible she is for presuming to “impose” a gender and all the oppressive associated stereotypes on the poor little tyke.

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      Maybe. Then again a few of the little old ladies in my family can be heinous bitches.

  29. Sooo….the Cville saga just won’t end. Just gonna post a few links here for your reading/derping enjoyment.

    Seriously, there are nuggets of common sense and good history here and there, but the participants are just generally …..je ne sais quois.

    http://www.c-ville.com/journey-begins-cvillepilgrimage-commemorates-reclaims-local-lynching/#.W1EE4rgnaM8

    http://www.c-ville.com/charlottesville-pilgrimage-travels-past-understand-present/#.W1EFBrgnaM8

    http://www.c-ville.com/paying-the-consequence/#.W1EFLbgnaM8

    http://www.c-ville.com/not-healed/#.W1EFP7gnaM8

    Bonus: http://www.c-ville.com/ice-reporting/#.W1EFVLgnaM8

  30. Trigger Hippie

    My STEVE SMITH SAY RELAX shirt is here! My STEVE SMITH SAY RELAX shirt is here! This is the kind of spontaneous purchase that makes people!

    Things are going to start happening to me.

    1. Mad Scientist

      AND BY HAPPENING MEAN…

      1. commodious spittoon

        Getting blackout drunk alone at home again?

        1. Isn’t that what everyone here does?

          1. No.

            I’m still reviewing audiobook files.

          2. Nephilium

            Not blackout… at least not every night, and not always at home…

  31. Michael

    The sublime intellectual nuance of the contemporary left (WARNING – NSFW):

    https://www.facebook.com/steve.brodner.7/posts/10160636291740582

    1. Akira

      A lot of people on the Left seem to think that vulgarity is an acceptable substitute for talent and insight.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Lord have mercy that’s bad.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      So edgy….

  32. gbob

    LLT. Fish, you weren’t kidding about how bad Magdalene Visaggio‘s new comic was. Worst piece of shit I ever read since the last time I read a comic she wrote.

    It’s astounding. There’s one major character whose name is never given (I read twice to be sure) and neither is there any hint of when or where this story is supposed to take place in. You would think for a number issue of a comic you might mention these details.

    Toss in the fact that every character speaks like they’re on addreal and learned to talk from reading Tumblr, and it’s painful to read.

    So bad I can’t even review it by name without turning my pod into a roast.

    You warned me.

    1. It does look like this is either the 3rd or 4th miniseries with the same identical name – diamond/comicslist isn’t even breaking it out by volume like you see for the Aspen books or other titles.

  33. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Trump instructs John Bolton to invite Putin to Washington for a second summit before the midterms:

    https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2018-07-19/trump-invites-putin-white-house-ahead-midterms

    I have to admit, he has a set of huevos bigger than a couple of cantaloupes.

    1. AlmightyJB

      The Democrat Party, as racist as ever.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Now she looks legit.

  34. AlmightyJB

    Whoopie: the reason I became so hysterical is because I hate being accused of being hysterical. The View is classy as always.

    https://hotair.com/archives/2018/07/19/say-goodbye-judge-jeanines-appearance-view-goes-well-expected/

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m the same way when people accuse me if murder. I just get all murdery.

      1. gbob

        Same way people accusing me of being a drunk just makes me want to drink.

  35. Banned

    Dude, what just happened

    1. gbob

      Well, you passed out drunk. I’m not sure of the details, but STEVE SMITH just dropped you off, which may explain the bruises and anal tearing.

      1. Banned

        Thanks

    2. mexican sharpshooter

      Did it go grey on you? Just refresh.

      1. Naw, that’s just the booze talking.

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          HEYY. YOULIsTEN HERE BUBB~

      2. AlmightyJB

        It’s gray, not grey.

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          No need to use colourful language.

  36. dorvinion

    Holy crap, my town just got brushed by a tornado

    https://photos.app.goo.gl/H9o492SN71rmGjLR8

    Went to pick up my kid and had to take a little evasive action to avoid it. (Basically drive perpendicular until it passed)

    It hit the factory to the left (where you see the construction equipment) and did major damage.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Damn. Stay safe.

    2. Mad Scientist

      I’ll take the exceedingly rare earthquakes over tornadoes any day.

      1. Not Adahn

        Not I. They are completely survivable with a small amount of planning.

    3. dorvinion

      Police scanner’s not too frantic. Mostly talk of clearing buildings.
      And I live next to the hospital and haven’t heard much in the way of ambulance returning so I’m hopeful that few if any injuries. Had plenty of warning.

      My neighbor works in the office at the factory and his car was destroyed.

      1. Tres Cool

        If you see Helen Hunt running around bra-less in a hane’s ribbed wife-beater, do get a pic of that.

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          +1 2-hour Dodge Ram Commercial

        2. dorvinion

          How about church ladies?

          Had a church picnic and so far they haven’t said its cancelled.

          1. Tres Cool

            Depends on their pedigree. I grew up near a Dunkard enclave, and just as some guys are drawn to say, asians, latinas, or ebony women, my buddy was always down for the dunkard broads.

            Bonnets & petticoats CAN work, after all.

          2. Tres Cool

            And realizing that its likely an un-familiar word, they’re not quite Amish, nor are they Mennonite (my people). They’re just Dunkards.

          3. KSuellington

            Somehow I don’t think they will end up being HM’s new fetish any time soon.

          4. Tres Cool

            There’s THICC ones, just hard to tell sometimes.

          5. KSuellington

            Those strong forearms ain’t from just churning butter.

        3. Is that as good as it gets?

    4. Rufus the Monocled

      You took the shots? What state are you in?

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Trumpansas, obviously

    5. AlmightyJB

      That sucks dude. Lucky it missed you.

    6. Somewhere near Marshalltown? Our oldest daughter was working in the ER in the hospital there; her husband is an EMT. They’re both OK but I guess the hospital was hit, they are doing triage. Not a good day.

      I hate tornadoes. The place I grew up, In NE Iowa, was down in a valley surrounded by wooded hills, so we didn’t have that worry, but from about Lawler on south and west, they can get nasty.

      1. dorvinion

        Marshalltown got some heavy damage from what I hear.
        Bondurant might have got something…I know there is a widely viewed video from there but don’t know if it hit anything.

        Pella for me. Hit the Vermeer factory dead on.

    7. Count Potato

      Yikes!

  37. Spudalicious

    Great new slogan, Dems.

    “For the People.”

    Higher taxes “For the People.”

    More crushing regulations “For the People.”

    More government control “For the People.”

    Fewer jobs “For the People.”

    I mean, this is an opposition ad goldmine.

    1. Mad Scientist

      More boots on faces “For the People.”

    2. Fewer rights “For the People”

    3. Akira

      “The People” and “society” always mean “people other than you” when they come from the mouth of a “progressive”.

    4. AlmightyJB

      “Death to America!”

    1. KSuellington

      Damn. She told me I was the only one she’d do that with. Devastated.

      1. Tres Cool

        You lose……comrade !

        Hey Giorgy!

      2. AlmightyJB

        Hey don’t feel bad. At least you got some. I voted for Johnson.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          I hear Weld gives a really handy.

          At least that’s what Hillary told me.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            good

            dammit

          2. AlmightyJB

            *Shudders*

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Kind of homely if you ask me

      1. AlmightyJB

        Lots of alcohol and some bar lighting.

  38. Juvenile Bluster

    Watch out, folks!

    End Times broadcaster and radical conspiracy theorist Rick Wiles used his “TruNews” television program last night to warn that MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow had signaled that a violent coup will take place within the next 72 hours during which President Trump and his family will be dragged out of the White House and beheaded.

    After ranting that the prominence of people like Maddow and CNN’s Anderson Cooper on television is evidence that America has been “homosexualized” and is “no longer a Christian nation,” Wiles declared that a recent segment in which Maddow argued that this nation must begin to prepare for “the worst case scenario that Trump is compromised by Russia” was really a signal that a leftist revolution is imminent.

    “She was spewing out, last night, calls for revolution,” Wiles said. “She was telling the left, ‘Take a deep breath, we’re at the moment, it’s coming, we’re almost there, we’re going to remove him from the White House.’”

    “We’re about 72 hours—possibly 72 hours—from a coup,” Wiles warned. “Be prepared that you’re going to turn on the television and see helicopters hovering over the roof of the White House with men clad in black repelling down ropes, entering into the White House. Be prepared for a shootout in the White House as Secret Service agents shoot commandos coming in to arrest President Trump. That is how close we are to a revolution. Be prepared for a mob— a leftist mob—to tear down the gates, the fence at the White House and to go into the White House and to drag him out with his family and decapitate them on the lawn of the White House.”

    And all this while we’re still recovering from the second Civil War that started and apparently ended on July 4th.

    1. Tres Cool

      Is it Sweeps Week already? Cause Id watch that.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        I’d pay for it on PPV.

        I’m just wondering if it’s going to be clean or if it’s going to be by a bunch of drunken idiots (like when the Bolsheviks killed the Romanovs).

    2. AlmightyJB

      Let them eat gay wedding cake.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Wouldn’t the men rappelling into the White House be dressed a little more flamboyantly than just plain black?

      I mean really….

  39. Gustave Lytton

    Despicable. When this is quashed, which should be sooner than later, the kids involved need to be slammed hard for participating in this farce, and the adults behind it, including the adults posing as youths among the purported plantiffs, need to be curbstomped for their manipulation of the minors.

    1. AlmightyJB

      SCOTUS should dissolve the government.

  40. Viking1865

    “which should be sooner than later”

    The judge is a Clinton appointee who was married to the head of the Oregon Democratic Party and is the same judge who threw the book at the Hammonds.

    1. Gustave Lytton

      I know. It’s not happening. Not in this retard run state.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Greeeeeaaat

  41. Sean

    Still on vacation.

    My gf rolled an atv today. She’s ok,but has a slightly injured ankle and a bruise or two.

    I’m conflicted, she finished the ride, but still blames me because I suggested the activity.

    *sigh*

    1. Nephilium

      Be proud of her for finishing. Falls and accidents and rattle people.

      1. Nephilium

        *can rattle people.

      2. commodious spittoon

        He should be proud of himself for her finishing, like a proper shitlord.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Just accept the blame and get her drunk. It’s easier that way.

      Remember the magic words that ensure a successful relationship.

      “I’m wrong, you’re right, I’m sorry.”

      Follow with booze and sex.

      1. Sean

        Oh, and I rolled it off her. ?

        Check 1
        Check 2
        Be back in the morning.
        ?

    3. commodious spittoon

      Now she has a story that starts, “I rolled an ATV,” rather than “My boyfriend rode an ATV without me.”

      1. commodious spittoon

        When I was eight or ten or whatever, I got bucked off a horse. All I remember is departing the saddle where I’d just been put and connecting with the side of the barn several feet away. Can’t have been that big a buck, but at that age it seemed like it. I wasn’t hurt or very shaken. In retrospect it’s like one of those geometry glitches in online games where you lag a little and suddenly find yourself sitting up against a barn.

        Except for that, I don’t remember the ride at all.

    4. AlmightyJB

      Tell her she needs to thank you for the awesome story she now gets to tell everyone.

    5. [cues “women are lousy drivers” joke]

      /this is why there are no female libertarians….

      1. commodious spittoon

        You’ll know society is doomed when women start taking over libertarianism the way they have other male-dominated hobbies. Not because libertarianism is some bulwark against identitarian politicking, but because once libertarians seem like a trophy for young feminists to cut their teeth taking over, society is irretrievable.

        1. AlmightyJB

          Who doesn’t want a million more Shikhas?

    6. RAHeinlein

      My spouse and I have had this argument, but I am not stupid enough to ride with him (I take responsibility for myself). I was also crystal clear regarding our children engaging in an activity I find dangerous – if I don’t put the foot down that is on me.

  42. DrOtto

    Regarding the millennial drinking article, 3rd from bottom paragraph gets to what they are really going for, strategic taxation of alcoholic beverages, because “we know it works, look at Scotland” also, won’t somebody think of the children?

    1. Count Potato

      That’s a lot of fucking needles.

    2. See Double You

      Do San-Franciscans really value pointless virtue signalling over streets free from used needles and human shit?