It’s tough being on the weekend beat- all the good news stuff happens on weekdays, and what I’m left with is the sad remnants. What’s worse, I’m trapped inside all weekend (heat indexes here at 115, with no letup), and we had an unfortunate discovery yesterday. No, not SP’s first period (though sadly, that day is inevitable and I’ll have to trade her in), but something more pungent. Our dog was at the back door going crazy- generally, this means that one of her nemeses is within sight, either rabbits (“THESE NEED CHASING BECAUSE THEY’RE HOPPY!”) or robins (“FUCK SWISS, THESE ARE TRULY THE HATE BIRDS”). Indeed, when I looked, I saw both. But I also saw… a skunk. Which has made an appearance now and then, but this time, it had an entourage. At least three skunks in a gang, maybe more, big ones for the species, and of course, any red-blooded American dog wants to chase them. Unfortunately, our dog is large enough and furry enough that there is not enough tomato juice on this planet to fix the inevitable problem. Suggestions on humane ways of discouraging this cluster of mercaptans from congregating here will be received gratefully.

Anyway, today is the 88th birthday of notorious race-traitor Thomas Sowell, whose book Knowledge and Decisions may be the catalyst that tipped me over from being a ’60s liberal to being a libertarian. Happy Birthday, Dr. Sowell!

And in the news:

Florida Man has his own animal problems to deal with.

DeVita even pulled an iguana out of her toilet after it latched on to a plunger a few years ago. “In one of my bathrooms, my roommate kept hearing something in his toilet and saw something poking its head out,” she says. “It was very aggressive.”

My suggestion: import a bunch of Chinese, equip them with nets and woks, and the problem will take care of itself.

 

I wonder if iguanas had something to do with this, which locked a bunch of us out of Glibertarians.com for several hours yesterday.

Some customers took to social media to discuss the outages, saying they were having trouble getting through the company’s phones and online chats. Comcast, on Twitter, directed customers to an internal website that was at one point down as well, eliciting a second round of customer complaints.

 

See, the worst thing here is that it’s not even a sports-related death. That would require, you know, an actual sport, not “Third World Knee Clutching and Rolling on the Ground.”

Ms Maiochi, who was single, posted a photo on her Facebook page on May 31 of herself holding a glass of wine. And in her last written post she had shared a video warning about the risks of using a mobile phone while driving, writing: “We never imagine that something like this can happen to us. But accidents do happen.”

 

Isn’t this a theme on PornHub?

A twisted dad made his 11-year-old son have sex with his step mother because he was worried he might be gay, a court heard today. The judge at Reading Crown Court sentenced the father to six years behind bars for child cruelty and indecent acts with a child.

 

I know I’m not supposed to laugh at this, but… I laughed at this.

He was allowed to walk away despite a 2015 Wisconsin law banning people from knowingly installing devices to record under other people’s clothing without their consent.

So the explosion couldn’t have been THAT big.

 

Trump is often incoherent. Pelosi says, “Hold my beer.”

“120, 130, 125, 130 million Americans have pre-existing conditions.”

 

Old Guy Music. Fuck it, that was the best incarnation of this band and if you’re going to live in the past, do it right. I can’t tell you how many times I whipped out my flute and ran through this one with my old band. A neighbor and buddy who is a terrific session guy and does bar gigs on the side has asked me to sit in on a song or two, and if I can convince him to do this one and I have some drinks in me, well, I might. Bonus: there’s a short bit at the end from a TV show. Guess who the guitarist is.