Swiss floated this idea one evening following the daydrinking midday Saturday timeslot. I was playing mini golf with my children at the time, because they happen to like mini golf. At first I was hesitant about the idea. Then I remembered how much fun I had researching out an article on malt liquor titled, It Works, Every Time. I was intoxicated with the idea that only in a market based system can something so terrible be marketable. People actually want to drink this stuff. Can you imagine the rancid grog they drink in Venezuela?
Oh, right.
I made a mental note of the bum drinks Swiss picked and noted his deadline. Officers…he required a draft ready for Wednesday, so that it can be reviewed Thursday, scheduled Friday for Saturday at the usual time. Which means by the time I’m ready to send it on Tuesday my team of monkeys with typewriters have to have it ready by Monday afternoon. They’ll be sitting around smoking Lucky Strikes until Thursday wondering if it got approved….
First up, is a classic around a game of bones or at the frat house: Mickey’s Fine Malt Liquor.
Also a Miller product first produced in 1962, Mickey’s is best known for its yellow hornet, and the distinctive wide mouth, waffle patterned bottle. Typically, two of these are consumed in a single sitting, at the same time. Many fraternity initiations have insisted pledges complete an ordeal known as the “Edward Forty Hands.” Here a pledge is required to have two of these duct taped to his hands and ordered to drink both over the course of an evening. Meet a girl? Too bad. Can’t unbutton your fly? Sorry, you’re just going to have to piss yourself.
The first time I had this I had an unknown quantity of Bacardi Silver and puked up a sink full of foam during W’s first term. It wasn’t my proudest moment but evidently it allowed for more gut space for the remainder of the 40. It’s still as bad and as hyper carbonated as I remember.
This one gets 2 out of five dumpsters.
The second one I also had issues finding initially, as my first choice 
was Natty Light. I made due and decided this one was as good as any….
I cracked it open, and then I saw the picture on my refrigerator.
“Who is STEVE SMITH??? My wife asked. “Is he the guy that played for the Carolina Panthers?”
“No, worse.” I replied.
“The guy on ESPN?” Again with the endless questions. Think! How did he get into the house? “Hello? I’m talking to you.” She said. “My eyes are up here!”
Her hand struck my occiput and brought my wits back. “Maybe not as bad as the guy on ESPN.” I had to call Swiss. I had to come up with a solution first, because Officers don’t like hearing about problems. They like solutions…..
____
“Thank you for calling Swiss Corpse International Industries, Legal Department.” Swiss’ receptionist answered.
“It’s pronounced ‘Core’ you stupid twit. The last one that failed to learn that was discovered by a team of engineers testing dive watches at the bottom of Lake Geneva.” I replied back indignantly.
“Password accepted, I’ll patch you through.” She replied sweetly.
I was confused. “Password?”
“mex, I told you never to call me at this number.” Swiss said. Something was eating at him. Another inane project? “You have three minutes…” No. They must have run out of Gruyére in the breakroom again. “…three minutes before I throw another receptionist into Lake Geneva.”
Damn. The wrong cheese AND an inane project.
“Swiss, I have a problem. STEVE SMITH took my dog.” I decided to be upfront.
“And by took your dog you mean—?”
“It’s a Chihuahua, ‘mean’ is physically impossible. At least I don’t think it is.” I interrupted him. He hates being interrupted. I can feel the icy, narrowed gaze through the phone. He was intentionally burning through my three minutes with a look that could ravenously tear open lesser men like a fat kid tearing open the foil on a Toblerone.
“Look, I don’t like hearing about problems. Tell me about solutions here.” Judas Priest. Right on cue.
“The last time he was seen was in Elephant Butte, New Mexico. I need somebody to write up the beer review this week so I can track him down and get that little dog back.” I replied. That wasn’t really a solution. He’s going to call me out in that.
“Heh. Elephant Butt.”
“No. Butte. Elephant Butte.”
“That’s what I said, Elephant Butt.”
“Stop that, you’re trying to waste my three minutes!”
“Yup.”
“Look can somebody cover my time slot this week?”
“The way I see it, I’m down two posters this week. You’ll need to take Sugarfree.”
“What? Why?”
“Nobody knows how to track STEVE SMITH better than him. You’ll need his help if you want to find that little ass dog.”
“Have you ever gone hiking in the woods with that guy!?”
“Pfft. No…Sucker.”
“That’s not funny.”
“For me it is.”
“Can somebody cover me or not?”
“Yeeeesh, I got it. I drank an Old English the other day before a board meeting. The vice-chairman is lucky I didn’t break his wee head off and used it to play rugby.”
“Umm.”
“Just meet Sugarfree in Silver City.”
“Truth or Consequences is closer, and they have an airport.”
“Tell me about it. I’m stopping you here.”
“That wasn’t three minutes.”
“I know. I’m wearing a Swiss made, COSC Certified, Omega Speedmaster Man on the motherfucking Moon. I stopped the chronograph at precisely 2:37 as certified by the Swiss government, because you didn’t come to me with a solution. This call is over.”
_____
“New Mexico. Its like regular Mexico just with more hippies, sensually fellating carne asada across their thin, pale lips…” Sugarfree was trying to make conversation.
“You know, you don’t have to do that. In fact by making so much noise we’re never going to find STEVE SMITH.” I interrupted him. Turns out, Sugarfree doesn’t like when people interrupt his stream of consciousness.
The forest was like any other. Dry. Green. Patches of dead pine 
needles strewn across the trail with the occasional dog turd.
“I lost it. Who are you? I don’t know where I am.” He began questioning his existence again.
“I’m mexican sharpshooter, and Swiss sent you here to help me track STEVE SMITH so I can find my tiny ass dog.” I explained—for the third time that day.
“Wait, you called Swiss?”
“Yes.”
“At work?” Sugarfree stared at me, in wide eyed terror.
“Yes.”
“Last time I called him at work he sent me his receptionist’s finger.” He explained.
“What?”
“Wanna know where I put it?”
“Judas Priest, NO!”
“No need to yell. The note said, ‘That’s the last time you point fingers at me.’”
“Wait, he mailed you a pun?”
“Right?” He twiddled his fingers in the air. “Narrowed gaze….” Sugarfree giggled while he pulled a large vial hanging around his neck, popped open the top and gingerly pulled out a tiny spoon. He then snorted the contents of the spoon. “It keeps me focused…where were we?”
“Finding STEVE SMITH.”
“Is that why you have an assault pew pew thingy?” He said with wide, bloodshot eyes.
“Yes. I’m anticipating that I will have to shoot him.”
“You’ll need a bigger gun. We should’ve brought Warty.” Sugarfree stared at the back of his hand. He then began fumbling the feather boa I purposefully pretended not to notice, around his neck.
“What are you doing?”
Sugarfree grasped the boa firmly and pulled it tight around his neck. His other hand reached into his chinos and rubbed furiously.
“You need a few minutes? I can be over there, where this is slightly less awkward.” I offered.
Sugarfree kept rubbing. He stared, unblinking with a small drop of blood running down his nose, into his mouth.
“It helps me if you say something dirty.” Sugarfree whispered.
I raised my AR and flipped off the safety.
“Relax, I’m just fucking with you.” Sugarfree pulled his hand out of his chinos to reveal a Beanie Baby. He tied some fishing wire around its neck and hung it on a nearby tree branch. “STEVE SMITH needs to be lured by the smell of taint. We’ll set up camp over there.”
_____
“Aye-ya-yie!” Sugarfree shouted in the middle of the night, I woke up, startled. I grabbed my rifle. “Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. Oooh.”
“Aye-ya-yie!” He just kept on yelling. “Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. Oooh.”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m communicating with STEVE SMITH.” Sugarfree replied. “Aye-ya-yie! Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. Oooh.”
“What, is he here?” I flipped off the safety on my AR.
“Yes. He wants to skeet in your hair. Aye-ya-yie!”
Then I turned around and saw him.
STEVE SMITH AYE-YA-YIE ON BROWN MAN
OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH
_____
At that point I came to with this little ass dog licking my face. I was about halfway through the can of Hurricane when I woke up from the lucid nightmare. I am never drinking this shit again.
1 dumpster out of 5.
Comments
191 responses to “Jumping Off a Bridge with the Rest of You — Part 2”
Word Up!
I Larfed, now go drink a Cobra!
At that point I came to with this little ass dog licking my face.
Trade ass-dog for Bella?
She’s going to have some Eggs and then I’m leaving……………………..
Has anyone ever ordered any of the merch before? I just ordered a set of golf balls do you know if the shipping time is accurate?
yes and yes….
Thanks, I just wanna make sure I get them before I go on vacation when I can actually golf.
We thank you for your support!
No problem, I greatly enjoy the time I spend on this website… not working.
Great fever dream or peyote trip. I don’t remember the Hurricane being that strong. Crazy Horse now that was a stereotype in a 40oz. bottle
I drank both in one sitting. Its around 8.1% if the can is to be believed.
By the way, there is a great documentary right now on Stevey Ray Voughn on Direct TV channel Axis.
You know who else had an axis?
Barbie?
Algebra?
George W. Bush?
Jimi Hendrix?
Ito Midori?
Lizzie Bordan?
One of them Koreas?
Jason?
The Aragonauts?
Naa, that dude from Fri 13th.
I had some Alternative music channel on. Rainbow Kitten Surprise was singing something. I must say that it wasn’t very good.
You realize no series on bum beer is complete without Steel Reserve.
Unavailable at the time of purchase. Which is odd, because I don’t recall that many homeless in my neighborhood.
Someone posted this the other day, I think by accident. I would agree with most of this list. I’d probably substitute Corona Light for Mich Ultra.
https://vinepair.com/articles/the-10-worst-beers-in-the-world/
Beer is liquid Bread, why would anyone drink Light?
The first beer I ever drank was a Natty Light.
No. There are worse beers out there then the ones on that list. For example, Round Guys The Berliner, this was the most infected beer I’ve ever tasted released by a brewery. The beer smells of cheddar cheese, with a touch of baby vomit. I have one can lurking in the fridge for the next person who tells me that all beer tastes the same. Another would be Cave Creek Chili beer, take your cheap domestic lager, stick a jalapeno in it, and let it sit. You could also go with some of the experimental hot pepper beers. I like spicy food, and I enjoy food cooked with Carolina Reapers and Ghost Peppers, but some of the beers taste like drinking hot sauce mixed with carbonated water to thin it out.
Drinking Stiegl Goldbrau this morning. Still tastes like it sat too long from production but much better ice cold.
Got the burn pile going again this weekend and wifey is bringing out hot dogs on demand for roasting and a bucket of iced drinks. Sometimes I wish I could quit my job and just do the yard work full time. God knows the yard would keep me employed full time.
Also, 98% DEET is a gift from above.
You like yardwork?
Does your last name end with a “Z”?
I get to sit outside, drink, and screw around on my phone and the wife not only doesn’t give me dirty looks, but she brings out snacks and refills. Get to burn stuff up and cut things down. And have excuses to buy more
toyser, tools.What’s not to like about that?
This. Yard work only sucks if you have the wrong tools for the job. It’s work, but it’s the kind of work that you can be proud of after working a few hours.
ZARDOZ LEAVE YARDWORK TO BRUTALS.
ZARDOZ CLEANSE.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
That was no hallucination.
It was too weird to be a hallucination.
What!?
*runs off to wash hair with liquid pool chlorine.*
Editors are going to edit, or not……
https://static.pjmedia.com/instapundit/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/colorado.jpg
Why oh why Wyoming?
“El Paso Intelligence Center”
I guess the distribution center is in Wyoming?
It’s flyover country – they all look alike.
Let’s be fair; once you’ve seen one trapezoid, you’ve seen them all.
It’s flyover country – they all look alike.
This Stolies starting to kick in. Thank you Dieties of Drink.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_liquor_deities
While out earlier, picking up the last couple of things to include in my BIF package, I managed to find a bottle of this. As the temperature has dropped into the 60’s, that is what I’ll be opening up shortly.
Great Lakes one of my favorite breweries.
Yummy in any weather
I had something from them with BBQ in Cleveland last week.
*searches*
Ah, “Dortmunder”. It was really good.
The Dortmunder Gold, it’s their original flagship, and can be found most anywhere in the Greater Cleveland area. Even the dive bars will usually have it on tap or in bottles. I hope Cleveland treated you well, was it Mabel’s BBQ?
Yup… tasty. Cleveland is about what I expected but wow it is amazingly difficult to find a place that sells cigarettes downtown. After walking around for awhile I had to ask some crusty denizen sitting at a bus stop smoking who pointed out some hole-in-the-wall across the street that I never would have noticed. The business trip was a complete waste of time but at least Mabel’s was a highlight.
Ah, I see it’s one of Symon’s places; I have yet to visit, but I want to eat everything I’ve seen him cook.
I’ve been there several times. Really good food, and a solid beer selection.
A group of us were down there for a festival on Sunday. One of the bars we stopped at still had a functioning cigarette machine inside. Off the top of my head, I can only think of a handful of places that may have smokes downtown, and those would all close early.
I’m used to one or more bodegas on every block and if not (like the Wall Street area) there’s newsstands everywhere. But yeah, if there’s not a lot of foot traffic…
I do like how Cleveland seems to be trying, at least. Passed a lovely park with a shit ton of food trucks at lunch. There’s definitely more “happening” downtown than in my old stomping grounds like Buffalo or Rochester. It’s just they’re kind of starting at rock bottom and who knows where it will go.
Hell, we’ve got nowhere to go but up. The food and beer scene have taken off, which has helped to revitalize some of the neighborhoods downtown. That entire East 4th area where Mabel’s is just got set aside and closed to vehicle traffic within the past 20 years or so. If I remember correctly, Pickwick and Frolic’s was the first one to open on that street, followed a couple years later by the House of Blues.
Overall though, outside of a couple of districts (Gateway, East 4th, Warehouse, Theater, Flats, Ohio City) downtown is empty outside of working hours.
And Warty is correct that Sokolowski’s is worth visiting.
Yeah it was weird walking through empty streets around dinner time and turn the corner and blam massive crowds on that one street.
It looks like an easy Uber ride from downtown so I’ll definitely put it on the list for next time.
Did you go to Sokolowski’s too? If not, book another flight.
No, I didn’t leave downtown (was only there for a day and a half) but that looks wonderful.
Dortmunder is delightful. And ignore what the bullshit new label says: nobody calls it Dort.
Oh good. If you haven’t sent yours yet, I should be OK. Mine is just about ready to go…
Considering I haven’t seen anyone posting about receiving their shipments, and the tentative receipt target is 6/15, we’re all good.
That looks good.
It was quite solid. I think it was a bit overpriced for the bomber, but solid. The smoke had mainly fallen out, leaving a lot of roast, bourbon, and vanilla in the finish. Great Lakes has been hit or miss on some of their barrel aging projects. The worst was one year they had a batch get infected, they announced it was infected (lacto), and a bunch of people started bitching about them still being willing to sell an infected bottle. So instead of selling to those of us who would have been willing to buy a bottle or two, they pulled the entire batch and refused to sell it. The best of their barrel aging is still the BA Blackout Stout.
I remember when the barrel aging fad first started. I got an infected bottle. I can’t remember which brewer it was from, not Great Lakes as I can’t get them up here in New England.
I mentioned the infected bottle to the guy that used to run the local homebrew shop. He said he planned on staying away from them because he thought it was too hard to keep infection out of those beers.
I’ve only had one infected bottle out of all the barrel aged beers I’ve had.
I don’t think I brought any Great Lakes back with me from this last trip down to Pennsylvania. I should have, because I like their stuff.
Bell’s is coming into New Hampshire soon. I look forward to it.
Hell, it’s about time you guys get them over there, especially since they started the canning program with Harpoon. Have you seen any of the Fat Head’s beers yet? They may have some supply issues soon, as they need to be out of their old production facility, but the new one isn’t open yet.
Nope, no Fat Head either in New England. It is available in Pennsylvania, so next time I’m down I’ll look for it.
RE: Natty Light
LOL – a perfect college evening
I really do not get the point of beer like that. What is it, like 2% alcohol? I could drink the entire 30 and not even get a buzz, but I’m sure I would have some type of ill effects.
According to the Internet, Natty Light is 4.2% alcohol, the same amount of alcohol as a Guinness Draught.
Surprising. I think most lights are between 2 and 3%.
Yikes, A/C went out on the truck last week and I haven’t had time to work on it. Just hauled a load of Hay 30 miles to my dad’s and back. It’s right at 100 here with 80% humidity. I have one more run to make. Needless to say, I’m starting to smell myself.
Wow, when I saw that Mickeys, that really brings back memories. In my earliest days of beer drinking, me and a friend of mine used to buy the Mickey’s Big Mouth in the glass bottles with the large screw on caps. We would get a 12 of those and go sit down by the river on nice tranquil days and drink the 12. I don’t know if it’s any good really, but then it seemed wonderful to me back then.
Man, I really drank too much last night. It’s 4pm and I still do not feel completely sober. Maybe I need a beer.
I mentioned this previously. It happened 2 houses down from where a good friend of mine lives.Nothing apparently egregious, just weird to have it so close to home.
I see they also shot someone for shoplifting. Even the Saudis only cut off your hand.
If I saw a guy on the streets honest enough to have a ‘Need money for alcohol research’ sign, I’d give him money.
I had a couple of bums in Boston approach me asking for money. They asked if I “wanted to give some money to help crippled alcoholics buy beer.” They wanted a five. I said no. They asked if I’d give them a ten. I said no. They asked if I’d give them a twenty. I said no. They said I wasn’t very nice. I should have walked away sooner than I did.
LOL MS.
Fun article.
This is interesting, if you haven’t read it.
Democrat party’s perfect system of government
The writer went to the New School and has a Ph.D in critical writing, so I’m betting he’s a commie himself.
Yeah, I suspect they don’t let in just anyone to “study”.
I dunno, he’s too critical of the Norks to be a Democrat.
Not to worry, if Trump pulls off any success with Kim (the fat one, not the thicc one), Dems will suddenly rediscover their aversion to brutal Communist totalitarians.
RE the pic: In the background it appears the Norks have a phallic monument like the Washington Monument but they put a dick and balls on top of theirs. Trump needs to do the same to ours. We can’t be outdone like this.
He probably thinks it isn’t “real socialism”.
For a real bum booze challenge, get some Camo Black Xtra. It’s available in the Chicago area.
If you can finish a can, I’ll be very impressed. I drank half of one and it made me puke my guts out and wish I was dead, kind of like Al Sharpton’s MSNBC show.
The morning after drinking Camo Black, artist’s depiction.
from beer advocate:
***
This is not just the worst beer I’ve ever had, it is the worst beverage product period. Flavor pallet includes: Vick’s cough syrup, rotten fruit, floor cleaner, and wood glue. This is the beer you buy to give to someone you absolutely despise, and its murderous hate you buy them 2.
***
It is the closest thing in real life to a Pan-galactic gargle blaster. Not only is it the worst booze in existence, it may be the worst booze theoretically possible.
I wonder what the Democrats would name the inminbanjang? Anyone?
Hillary?
Community organizer?
Sounds a lot like a ward boss to me.
That guy is a 36 year old man with the muscle tone of a 5 year old. No wonder he fits in there.
yikes!
Looks like the typical male on college campuses these days. Hogg Senior?
I went to visit him yesterday, and he was on the phone with a friend of his, who lives right by where this happened. His friend told him he heard screaming (this was people yelling at her to stop trying to get the van off the tracks), and then a loud crash. He went out his apartment in his skivvies and socks and a very drunk woman came running up to him crying and saying that they were going to take her away.
Again, nothing of any real political or cultural import here (and nothing so scary as Suthenboy’s news event), but it’s weird that people I know have been so close to news events. One semi-on topic point: the woman was drinking Four Loko.
TW: I think both of these have autoplay vids.
relevant popeye themed parody
https://youtu.be/JZGLlw1DFM0?t=2m10s
Did this site get acquired by the Modern Drunkard media empire?
I’m doing my best to live up to the company credo.
Empire? When did they become an empire?
/hides his 86 rules of boozing poster
Genius.
We’re lucky to have all of you sick fuckers. Hands down the best place on the ‘tubez.
Nice work MS. Gave me a chuckle or two but I call bullshit you couldn’t find Natty Light. You can’t spit on the floor of a liquid store without hitting a Natty display around here.
Help fight capitalism by buying this T-shirt
today I learned: George Washington made a recipe for beer
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/business/2018/05/02/budweisers-new-beer-based-george-washingtons-hand-written-recipe/572124002/
***
Take a large Sifter full of Bran Hops to your Taste — Boil these 3 hours. Then strain out 30 Gall. into a Cooler put in 3 Gallons Molasses while the Beer is scalding hot or rather drain the molasses into the Cooler. Strain the Beer on it while boiling hot let this stand til it is little more than Blood warm. Then put in a quart of Yeast if the weather is very cold cover it over with a Blanket. Let it work in the Cooler 24 hours then put it into the Cask. leave the Bung open til it is almost done working — Bottle it that day Week it was Brewed.
***
***
For Washington, beer was considered a favorite drink (though he enjoyed a higher quality than that described in his notebook). It was typically on the menu for dinners at Mount Vernon, and a bottle of beer was given to servants daily. Washington even brewed his own beer on the estate, at what Mount Vernon historians believe to be sizeable rates.
…
In 1797, he started a whiskey distillery, too, making use of the plantation’s grain, which produced up to 12,000 gallons a year. While his distillery was a successful business venture for Washington, he himself wasn’t a fan of whiskey, and preferred his customary mug of beer each night at dinner.
***
He made love like an eagle falling out of the sky; he skilled his sensei in a duel and he never said why.
Six Foot Eight weighs a Fucking Ton.
Two sets of testicles, how divine
So did Jefferson and Franklin. Yards has made them, and released them in a mixed 12-pack.
I should have read the comments before commenting. I can vouch for the Yards “Ales of the Revolution” series. They’re good.
While his distillery was a successful business venture for Washington, he himself wasn’t a fan of whiskey
Didn’t like paying the tax on it?
I dank 5 and gave on away, a passable Ale, but still tasted like Bud, 3.2/5
If he preferred whiskey over beer there would have been a Beer Rebellion instead.
I’m flying the flag right now, the first American uprising…
and these guys make some great beer, close by,
http://www.brewrebellion.com/
The Monticello brewery makes some good beer. I brought a growler back and have one of the glasses. Also, Jefferson’s home puts Mount Vernon to shame, it’s an earthen hovel compared to Monticello.
Be careful of the wine from Monticello. I bought a bottle of Sangiovese when I toured Monticello. The wine reminded me of mud.
Good, they gave a shout-out to Yards. I like their “Ales of the Revolution” series.
This stuff is garbage.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Reserve
But it gets the job done.
That’s second only to Mickey’s in headache and diarrhea fuel.
I used to buy big cans of the Four Loko at one of the local stores for a while, but I never see it anymore. Tastes awful, I but I figured it must be pissing off some statist politician somewhere, so I need to drink some as a big FU to statist assholes. I bet it’s banned here now. They still carry plenty of hobo beer though, mostly in quart bottles, like the classic Colt 45.
When I was s̵e̵n̵t̵e̵n̵c̵e̵d̵ stationed in Texas, Pearl Brewing made a particularly cheap beer called ‘Texas Pride’. That was around the time the REM song “It’s End of the World) song came out, so naturally we’d be loaded on shitty beer, singing along, and replaced the “..and I feel fine” part with “…its Texas Pride”.
Olympia
Lucky Lager
Brew 102
Pearl
Colt 45 torpedoes
/ the days of youth gone by………
HEY YUFUS!
Sup Tres! Got my 5×25 Cobras, going to play at a friends Bday party, no driving, so it’s PARTY TIME!
Cheers eveyrone, Good Job as usual Messy
/Tall Cans in the Air!
I’m working on some 24 oz. Keystone Tall Cans while I wait for the Coor’s Light to stop sweating.
It’s the water!
andalot more!
🙂
Olympia
………
/ the days of youth gone by………
Hey Yusef, if Olympia reminds you of your youth, here’s an Olympia earworm for you that should make you feel like a kid again:
Are there, or aren’t there, Artesians?
Do you think one will ever be found?
Oh well pour us another cold Oly my friend,
The question is worth one more round!
OMG, this guy gets it. Olympia is so bad, I watched a guy be absolutely incapable of giving away a couple of cases in a barracks full of Marines in Okinawa. He ended up donating them to a party one of the guys was throwing, and nobody would drink them there. So bad…..
Wow. Olympia used to not be that bad.
I miss the regional breweries of 30 years ago and before. Hamms and Raiiiiineeeeeer were maybe a step above Oly. Henry Weinherds was actually produced by Blitz Weinherd (and a great brewery name in itself) and came in short bottles and sturdy cardboard boxes. Coors was something special.
Ahhh, Texas Pride and Buckhorn, shades of Ft Hood, circa 1974. I drank my share @ a buck a 6 pack. Maybe that’s why I’m dried out now. A diet of that stuff wouldn’t harm your liver but would question one’s sanity.
I got 2 Plinys, and then Mayberry IPA as a finisher.
75 and not a cloud in the sky. I’m going to spend the next several hours drinking at the pool.
I know Sloopy mentioned with was going to Florida, but was it perhaps because he HAD to leave town?
Drinking a Magic Hat Barroom Hero right now. Really nice Brown Ale. Nice depth of flavor.
Nice work, Sharpie. I notice you didn’t feel compelled to re-visit ‘EARTHquake’. Wise man.
Since OMWC and Pie seem to be the winos, perhaps they’d be willing to take the same challenge, like these guys.
Please, no more Earfquake…
A dad learns that his son is sleeping with his car.
Jerry Van Dyke unavailable for comment.
At first I read that as “sleeping in his car” and thought it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Then I remembered that it was being posted by HM…
Same here. Sometimes there are just things you do not want to see to the extent that your mind tricks you into seeing what you’d rather see.
THIZETHAN
Papa bless.
It’s not the strangest fetish out there.
That might be the best post on this site ever.
Thomas Wictor hates Canadian speech laws, Canadians, and Canada. Money shot:
It’s coming here eventually.
Can’t these people write a fucking blog?
I keep seeing that guy mentioned on the twitters.
he dances on that line between ‘utterly insane’ and ‘sometimes having a point’
this really captures it for me
https://twitter.com/ThomasWictor/status/1002776436518735872
How many other sites produce art like this?
So, all of my tomato plants are pretty much flat on the ground, or close to it. Even though they are staked, the ground is so waterlogged, they just fell over in the the 20 more fucking inches of rain over the past few hours. *goes back to working on ark, having problems because hard to work when sinking up to knees in mud*
Jfc, where are you?
I doubt there’s a single cloud over New Mexico today.
Maryland. I don’t think I have ever seen so much rain in a 2 week period, ever, anywhere in my entire life. It’s fucking awful.
Well, quit hogging it. Some of us have dry ditches and land to irrigate.
You can have all of it, we’ve had enough for a few months. I really look forward to the time when I have to actually water veggies again, if they’re not all dead from drowning first.
We haven’t gotten the flooding issues down here in NoVa, but the amount of rain has been downright insane. Our house is on a steep slope, so water intrusion isn’t an issue, but I’d probably end up on my ass in the creek if I tried to walk in my backyard.
We grabbed some late herb and tomato transplants at the farmers market today… Crossing my fingers that the containers they’re in drain enough water to keep them alive.
My tomatoes and peppers are all in containers, well drained, proper holes in bottom, gravels in the bottom, I’ve been doing this for 30 years. Doesn’t matter, these downpours are so intense it just floods the containers so quickly that it turns to something like quicksand. BTW, I’m moving to NOVA next year. I’m not really sure how much rain we’ve had in the last 2 weeks, but it’s been raining every single day, and I do know that one day we had over 6 inches of rain, in only a couple of hours. Today was sort of like that again, and it’s supposed to rain constantly for the next 2 days, at least.
I hear you. We’ve had two weeks of continuous rain here in SW VA. We had planned on hosting two large cookouts this weekend. Partly sunny and 20% chance of rain forecast. Got changed to 80% chance of t-storms this morning so we canceled both. Of course those storms completely missed us and went straight for you. It’s been beautiful and sunny all day here.
My family spent the day grilling and swimming, but it still really pissed me off since we cancelled. Especially since I’ve already marinated enough chicken breast and steak for 15 people. I know what we’ll be eating all week.
Zoolander got some butthurt
I’m not for anything that restricts free trade. But I want to know what jammie boy is going to do about it? Go on the TV and whine? Shouldn’t he be going to DC and confronting Trump about it? Or many instead he’s going to his safe space to color and hug puppies? I don’t think that is going to work.
Mrs. trshmnstr wants a cake, and we just so happen to have exactly enough butter to make a vanilla cake with butter cream frosting. Trashy got told to bake a cake, bigot!
Bake that cake, shitlord!
Wife wanted something akin to chicken stroganoff, so I winged it, never made it before. I did salad and she ate that first and by the time the stroganoff was done, she was asleep. So I don’t know if it turned out good, I’m drinking beer and hanging out on Glibs.
Jeez… what did you put in the salad?
Leaves, cucumbers, tomatoes, micro-greens, peppers… She’s been up since 4am and worked 10 hours. She’s just really tired.
So Mrs time is playing D&D and I’m tagging along for the first time. Did I mention I’ve been at a brewery all afternoon?
One of the players is drinking 22oz of steel reserve watermelon.
The brewery had live music, bbq and other food trucks, and Harley Davidson demos.
You did good.
She was riding a motorcycle with a dress earlier in the night. She is incredible
If it’s not too late, go for either the holier then thou paladin or the chaotic good rogue.
My shit lord cake turned out pretty damn good for the first time from scratch. The Science of Good Cooking is a Godsend. The buttercream is a bit too buttery, but other than that, it’s better than any box cake I’ve ever made.
Well, here we go again with the Fermi Paradox.
Fermi Paradox
I think that at least this one offers an interesting opinion that may be viable, other than my opinion. It could be that once a civ is so advanced, their computing power rapidly outpaces actual physical engineering. Once that happens and VR reaches a state that it is practically indistinguishable from our own waking reality, those civs have no more desire to explore outwards and instead turn inwards and upload their brains inward into virtual worlds. That sort of makes sense.
But my favored explanation still, which is also included in this video, is that other advanced civs do exist, but they are so far apart that it’s very unlikely any of us will ever run into each other.
I don’t know if you saw my link responding to it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJONS7sqi0o
Yes, barring FTL, we will never encounter ETs, but also we are one of the earliest Sun-type star/Earth-type planet combos to exist. It’s not impossible that we are the first.
I do remember reading one of the saddest sci-fi books based on that concept. We are alone and life is so rare that we could look for others for thousands of years and never find another planet with life.
Yes, I remember it. I don’t think it’s impossible that we might be the first in our galaxy, but in all galaxies? I mean it could be, but how likely is that? Also, we don’t know that FTL is possible. Right now, it’s not.
As best we know, it’s impossible
If I’m not way off, it would take, using current rocket technology, about 80,000 years to reach Alpha Centauri, one of our closest stars at a mere 4.5 light years away. This is why we don’t see anyone else, I don’t think this is really that difficult to figure out. Are there civs that have FTL travel and are just jumping all over the universe? Well, it’s possible, but even then, finding us would be like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. And we should probably be happy about that, because if such an advanced civ found us, we’d be lucky if they saw us at pets, instead of lower life forms that need to be swatted like bugs.
Timeloose is drinking a Fin Du Monde by Unibroue. It is the best Belgium style beer out side of Belgium. Thank you Quebec.
9% woo hoo. Take that two miller lights.
*koff* *koff*
http://www.ommegang.com/#!beer_abbey
They are good as well. I would still take Unibroue over Omegang. Omegang has some great cocert/camp outs in the summer.
The correct answer is orgy…. err… umm…. both.
Koff beer
My one complaint about Unibroue is that their house yeast strain can dominate in some of their beers. On the other hand, they make the Trader Joe’s Vintage and Provencial ales, which are both under $6 a 750 mL.
Meanwhile, I’m currently getting ready to go sit on the patio, start a fire, and watch the girlfriend attempt to roast marshmallows to make s’mores.
I’m drinking some mead. A Good Sarsaparilla from The Colony Meadery. If you like sarsaparilla, it’s good. If you don’t like sarsaparilla, stay away. I like sarsaparilla, so I like it.
DEG is near me. They make a good Mead. Easton?
I live in New Hampshire now. I picked this up while I was down in the Philly area in April visiting relatives.
I drive through Easton on my way back to NH from visiting family in the Philly area. Sometimes I stop by Heritage Guild on my way.
Oh… I didn’t grow up near Allentown. Northwest of Philly is where I grew up.
I don’t know that is about that stuff (mead), I think it’s only like 12-18% alcohol, but it packs quite a punch.
Mead can range in strength. There’s a couple meaderies near me that specialize in session meads (~5% ABV). They can range all the way from sweet to dry as well. I prefer the dry ones, while the girlfriend prefers the sweet ones.
I’ll probably have to repost it in the night thread, but:
Clay Matthews takes line drive in the nose
Ouch.
Great article. Are “dumpsters” good or bad?
A-yup.
That was primo stuff, ms!