ZARDOZ VS DEAR PRUDENCE…THE RETURN

ZARDOZ ARRIVES TO SAVE THE DAY!

 

ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING LIFTED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, THERE IS NO WAY ZARDOZ WILL LET SOME SMALL MINDED SLATE ADVICE BABBLER LEAD THE CHOSEN ONES ASTRAY! NO! ZARDOZ WILL GIVE THE BEST ADVICE, AND KEEP THE CHOSEN ONES ON THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND BRUTAL CLEANSING! RECEIVE THEN…THE GIFT OF ADVICE!

 

Q: Creepy doll conundrum: My partner’s mother has owned a realistic imitation infant doll for more than a decade. She keeps it dressed and placed in a bassinet in her living room to hold when she misses her now-grown children. She has attachment and boundary issues, and while the doll has always creeped me out, it seemed harmless and perhaps helpful to her, so we never said anything about it.

Fast-forward 10 years, and my partner and I have a toddler. Without warning us, Grandma brought her doll on her last visit and gave it to our daughter when we weren’t present. It is extremely lifelike, weighs around 8 pounds, and is not going to withstand the activity and whims of our active child. If it were a new purchase, we’d return it for a similar toy meant for a child.

More than anything, my husband and I are concerned that my mother-in-law is giving her own “therapy” doll to our child, and that she desperately wants our daughter to love and care for it as much as she does. When she left, my mother-in-law said she wants the doll back if we don’t want it, and said other manipulative comments intended to guilt us into keeping it. Donating it, returning it to her, or telling her it’s not wanted would cause a huge rift in the family.

We don’t want to be held ransom by this doll or my mother-in-law’s emotions. Our child won’t play with it and asks us to put it in a closet before she sleeps; we only bring it out when Grandma visits. How do we return it and reinforce some healthy boundaries with Grandma?

A: ZARODZ CAN ONLY WONDER HOW SUCH PATHETIC BRUTALS AS YOURSELVES HAVE MANAGED TO SURVIVE THIS LONG. CLEARLY YOUR EXISTENCE, AS WELL AS THAT OF YOUR INSANE MOTHER IN LAW (OR PARTNER-MOTHER…WHATEVER YOU DROOLING HIPSTER BRUTALS ARE CALLING SUCH A ONE THESE DAYS) PROVES ZARDOZ CORRECT IN WISHING TO CLEANSE THE EARTH OF THE FILTH OF BRUTALS!

THE “DOLL” SHOULD BE DECAPITATED AND THE HEAD RETURNED TO THE CRAZY OLD BRUTAL, AS A WARNING. YOU AND YOUR “PARTNER” SHALL BE UTILIZED AS GRAIN SLAVES, WHERE ZARDOZ EXPECTS YOU TO FAIL WITHIN A FEW WEEKS…NO GREAT LOSS.

THANK GRANNY FOR THE WONDERFUL “GIFT”

YOUR “TODDLER” SHALL BE GIVEN OVER TO PROPER PARENTS TO RAISE!

RAISE THE TODDLER UP FROM BRUTALITY!

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

 

Q: Personal party planner: I moved to a new city about nine months ago, and while I’ve started building a group of wonderful friends, at this point it primarily comprises roommates and co-workers because my demanding work schedule doesn’t allow time for much socializing.

I will be turning 30 in a few weeks. I have never been incredibly invested in birthday parties, and generally hate being the center of attention, but it would feel a little sad to let this milestone pass without celebration. None of my friendships are at the point where they would organize something for my birthday, but I think many of them would be glad to help me celebrate. But planning my own birthday party seems gauche and a little desperate, since I am newly forming these friendships. What’s the etiquette here?

A: YOU PULING, WEAK FOOL OF A BRUTAL! THE ARRIVAL OF YET ANOTHER BRUTAL TO PLAGUE THE EARTH IS NO EVENT WORTH CELEBRATING. INSTEAD, IT SHOULD BE A TIME OF MOURNING. FEEL FREE TO PLAN ALL YOU WANT… YOUR OWN FUNERAL.

HAPPY “BIRTHDAY” BRUTAL!

HOWEVER….IF YOU STILL FEEL COMPELLED TO HAVE SOME BIRTHDAY OBSERVANCE, JUST INVITE SOME NEW FRIENDS TO MEET AT A BAR AND KNOCK BACK A COUPLE OF BEVERAGES – DON’T BE A DRAMA BRUTAL ABOUT IT.

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

 

Q: Do I have to always be flexible, workwise?: I’m a college student who works part time at a café over the summer and on school breaks. My schedule is usually very flexible, and as a result I can often fill in for co-workers if they are unable to come into work for whatever reason.

My problem, though, is that I’m afraid that they take advantage of my flexibility and regularly ask me to take their shifts. I really don’t mind filling in occasionally if someone is sick or has a family emergency, but I often feel like I’m constantly “on call” on my days off. I’ve worked eight and nine full days in a row before, and I know it may sound selfish, but sometimes I really do just want to enjoy having a few days off. I suppose I’m just asking for permission to say no to them occasionally, but I have a pathological need to please and I would feel bad knowing that I don’t necessarily have any plans that would prevent me from taking their shifts. Do I have a moral obligation to take extra work shifts to help out my co-workers?

A: OH LOOK, CHOSEN ONES! THE DOORMAT IS ASKING IF IT SHOULD CONTINUE TO ALLOW OTHERS TO WIPE THEIR FEET ON IT. ZARDOZ BELIEVES YOU HAVE TWO ALTERNATIVES – YOU MAY CONTINUE NON-STOP WORK UNTIL YOUR DEMISE:

HAVE SOME TIME OFF, BRUTAL. ETERNAL TIME OFF!

OR YOU MAY ASSERT YOURSELF IN YOUR NEW JOB…AS A BRUTAL EXTERMINATOR! IMAGINE THE LOOKS OF TERROR FROM YOUR FORMER CO-WORKERS AS YOU CONFIDENTLY STRIDE IN AND CLEANSE THEM.

HERE TO “FILL IN” FOR A LAZY COWORKER BRUTAL.

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

Comments

202 responses to “ZARDOZ VS DEAR PRUDENCE…THE RETURN”

  1. Spudalicious

    Booyah!

  2. Drake

    Dear ZARDOZ,

    When one of your most obnoxious Brutals is finally cleansed, should the Governor gives his job to his wife (who has no experience or proven skills)?

    1. Yusef drives a Kia

      Sonny Bono

    2. Spudalicious

      *Head on desk*

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        I think Sonny Bono was *head on tree*.
        What too soon?

        1. Drake

          McCain is tree in head.

        2. Yusef drives a Kia

          His Wife took his seat in the House

          1. Drake

            In an election. “Team Bono” didn’t arrange for the Governor to name her the hereditary successor.

    3. wdalasio

      There’s no longstanding tradition that the wife of someone who can’t remain in office gets his seat. Yes, it’s happened before. But, it’s mostly been recognized as unusual in itself.

      I think the media is trying to establish this as a norm (lasting only until she’s sworn in, then conveniently forgotten) to de-legitimize anyone the governor appoints other than her as “unusual”.

    4. CPRM

      Didn’t Bob Dole’s wife do that?

    5. Gustave Lytton

      Appoint Carol McCain instead.

    6. ZARDOZ

      ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN INQUIRING ONE. IF IT CAUSES DISORDER, CHAOS AND DEATH….ZARDOZ IS ALL FOR IT. SHE MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST QUALIFIED TO CAUSE SUCH, BUT IT IS A START… ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    7. R C Dean

      I saw that. WTF, Ducey? I can’t imagine what he’s thinking, to waste a plum appointment, probably the biggest one he will make as governor, on a seat-warmer.

  3. Yusef drives a Kia

    Lazy Coworkers………….

  4. Afternoon, Glibs. As the only person to show up for the 9am tour of the natural bridge caverns, I got a defacto private tour. I also got video – if the GoPro can handle the lighting conditions. The visit to the Virginia transportation museum was less interesting, though some of the old cars were nice. (why they had a Delorean in there with the Packards and Studebakers, I don’t know.)

    1. Virginia – you talking about Luray Caverns or something else?

      1. No, Caverns at Natural Bridge, a different cave from Luray.

        1. Chipwooder

          I’ve lived in this state at various times for 22 of my 41 years and I’ve never even heard of any caverns other than Luray. I’ve learned something today!

    2. (why they had a Delorean in there with the Packards and Studebakers, I don’t know.)

      It went back in time?

      1. R C Dean

        Packards, Studebakers, Deloreans, were all built by companies trying to buck the Big Three who failed?

  5. commodious spittoon

    we only bring it out when Grandma visits

    So why complain about it?

    1. AlexinCT

      Cause she wants attention?

      1. commodious spittoon

        I always forget, they all want cake.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Doll heads make excellent decorative covers for the ball on your trailer hitch. On your pickup truck.

    Just sayin’.

    1. ZARDOZ

      ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN DECORATING ONE. A GOOD IDEA, HOWEVER IT MAY BE DIFFICULT TO PLACE THE HEAD ON A VORTEX CART.

      1. Spartacus

        Not at all…there are two carry poles there that Zeb is holding. Room for two heads. Which are better than one, as everybody knows.

  7. Dear ZARDOZ: If my company wants to hold brainless “sensitivity training” is it appropriate to use it as an opportunity for a mass cleansing?

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/05/28/racism-white-defensive-robin-diangelo-white-fragility/637585002/

    NB: Maybe white people wouldn’t be so sensitive about racism if they weren’t relentlessly hounded as being racist simply for existing.

    1. Dr. Fronkensteen

      Shut up deplorable. Send in your money to the appropriate authorities to rectify all the inequality caused by your racism.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      But the science behind the approach is debated. A 2016 meta-analysis of 494 studies on the topic found little evidence that reducing implicit bias affects behavior.

      White people are bad at admitting implicit bias and therefore good at denying the realities of racism, says Robin DiAngelo, who conducts workshops on race, including implicit bias, and recently provided Starbucks with feedback on training support and follow-up.

      That word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.

      1. R C Dean

        A 2016 meta-analysis of 494 studies on the topic found little evidence that reducing implicit invisible bias affects behavior.

        How do they know “implicit” bias was reduced? And isn’t “implicit” bias something that doesn’t manifest overtly, which is to say, in your behavior, so even if something that doesn’t affect your behavior is reduced, why expect it to change behavior?

        White people are bad at admitting implicit bias

        See, also, “assuming the conclusion”.

        I can’t imagine what a train wreck I would make of training on reducing my “implicit bias”.

        RCD: I am 1/4 mestizo. Can mixed blood people have implicit bias? Is there a percentage of white blood that triggers implicit bias?

        RCD: Both of my parents were raised by single, female parents in working class households. One of my parents is half indio mexican. If implicit bias is passed on by your parents, where did they get their bias?

        RCD: “Implicit” means implied. Who is implying that I am a racist, and why?

        1. Lackadaisical

          A 2016 meta-analysis of 494 studies on the topic found little evidence that reducing implicit invisible bias affects behavior.
          How do they know “implicit” bias was reduced? And isn’t “implicit” bias something that doesn’t manifest overtly, which is to say, in your behavior, so even if something that doesn’t affect your behavior is reduced, why expect it to change behavior?
          White people are bad at admitting implicit bias
          See, also, “assuming the conclusion”.

          I took special interest in this part also.

          Assuming we can both measure implicit bias and somehow reduce it, if that doesn’t change people’s actions maybe we just shouldn’t be concerned about implicit bias. It is clearly not causing people to make ‘wrong’ choices, since reducing it doesn’t lead people to change their actions. Maybe people use the conscious part of their brain to make choices, even when they have implicit biases.

          1. Mad Scientist

            The point is to convince you to feel guilty no matter how non-racist you are, and then cede control to someone else. It’s the SJW version of original sin.

          2. Lackadaisical

            All I can say is that it is backfiring beautifully, at least within a certain subset of the populace.

          3. R C Dean

            Confident that my derp exposure would allow me to tolerate a brief dip into the implicit bias pool, I learned that implicit bias is unconscious bias that affects our behavior.

            If so, then the meta-analysis that found implicit bias training reduced implicate bias but didn’t affect behavior seems . . . questionable. How did they conclude that implicit bias was reduced if behavior didn’t change? What evidence that implicit bias was reduced can they point to, and wouldn’t the additional finding that behavior didn’t change call that evidence into question?

            I think they have faith that wypipo are biased, and faith that the chanting of catechism at training sessions reduces that bias. The lack of change in behavior means, naturally, that more (lavishly funded) implicit bias training is needed. I’m having a hard time distinguishing this from the purchase of indulgences from the Catholic Church.

            The ice cream cone, it licks itself.

          4. Lackadaisical

            I see, even our most advanced victimologists cannot undue the racism that is inborn in every white baby.

            One day we will overcome their tricknology, brother Dean.

    3. Drake

      I’d probably be less racist if people stopped talking abut race all the time.

      1. The Other Kevin

        See, the problem is that you actually are racist, you just don’t realize it because it’s the subtle, subconscious form of racism that only a person with an advanced degree in racism can identify.

    4. wdalasio

      the author of ‘White Fragility’ gets real

      Real what? Real obnoxious? Real unable to make a cogent argument? Real douchey?

      1. AlexinCT

        Yes.

    5. Chipwooder

      White people are bad at admitting implicit bias and therefore good at denying the realities of racism, says Robin DiAngelo, who conducts workshops on race, including implicit bias

      In no way does this person who has built what I will assume is a fairly lucrative career on “workshops on race” have a vested interest in convincing people that all white people are racist! She has only the noblest of intentions!

    6. “Nobody really knows what it would look like to have a society free of domination and bias”

      I’m guessing it has something to do with eliminating capitalism.

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        A society without wealth is a society without domination and bias or something like that.

        1. AlexinCT

          Everyone is equally miserable. Well, everyone except the elite. But then again, the mistake the advocates of this cult think things work out is that they will somehow end up elites because they were totes supportive of this nonsense…

      2. Drake

        The perfect equality of the mass grave.

      3. R C Dean

        RCD: I think my employer not requiring me to attend workshops which are biased against white males would reduce both domination and bias, don’t you?

    7. “You’re racist!”
      “No I’m not.”
      “See? Just what a racist would say!”

      1. Creosote Achilles

        Except having lived near a no-shit, licence plate was “NITRDR”, 2nd man on the totem pole KKK klansman as a kid and going to school with his son (who now is married to a black woman and is the program manager for a hip-hop radio station), the racist will not deny being a racist. Unless it is with a quip like “I ain’t racist. I got a colored TeeVee”.

        1. ChipsnSalsa

          Your neighbor was David Hasselhoff? Sweet! did you get to ride in the car?

          1. Chipwooder

            No, but his dad did sound a bit like William Daniels.

          2. Florida Man

            I kept reading it as “nitrate” and then I wanted sausage.

          3. Not Adahn

            “Niter doctor”

          4. Florida Man

            It’s like being the colonel of chicken, but with sausage and a PhD.

          5. Creosote Achilles

            That’s what I thought it meant at first. That the guy was a really big KITT fan except he had a conversion van. I eventually figured it out.

    8. ZARDOZ

      ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN TRAINING ONE. OF COURSE – ANYTIME IS A GOOD TIME FOR A MASS CLEANSING. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    generally hate being the center of attention

    What? I can’t understand what you’re saying when you’ve got your head in the oven.

    1. commodious spittoon

      You’re turning thirty. Quit celebrating your birthday.

  9. CPRM

    Put a nanny cam on that baby doll and I’m sure there are a few freaks who would pay to watch it.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Do I have a moral obligation to take extra work shifts to help out my co-workers?

    Yes. You should also give the money you “earned” while working “their” shifts.

    Fair is fair.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    give *them* the money

  12. These people are embarrassingly pathetic.

    WTF is up with that doll shit? Just give the fucking doll back to your MIL and let her do what she wants with it. If she won’t take it and your kid does like it, then give the damn thing away.

    1. doesn’t like it*

  13. Chipwooder

    Ho. Lee. Fuk. I knew the rot was bad, but I didn’t know it was quite THIS extensive:

    Mark J. Perry

    Verified account

    @Mark_J_Perry
    Follow Follow @Mark_J_Perry
    More
    University of Michigan’s Small Army of Nearly 100 Diversity Bureaucrats at an Annual Cost of $11M = Full tuition for 765 Students.

    6:56 AM – 20 May 2018

    1. AlexinCT

      These grievance mongering fuckers suck up the bulk of the finances these days at these lofty institutions of marxist indoctrination.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      First response: “Your message is problematic…”

      In other words “Stop illuminating reality, it’s a real headache for us while we’re scamming the sytem”

    3. wdalasio

      And that’s why I turn a skeptical eye when people talk about college administrators “allowing” the social justice mobs. They don’t allow them. They encourage them. If you look, every single one of the social justice mob’s demands mean more power, influence and resources to college administrators. Without the social justice mobs, colleges like Michigan might have to start explaining to their Boards why they can only hire adjuncts, but have the money for a hundred diversity bureaucrats.

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Diversity bureaucrats” are de facto political officers who exist to push a political agenda. They’re always there, looking over your shoulder, making certain that you do not break ranks with the Party.

      1. Campus NKVD.

        1. Chipwooder

          Please welcome our new vice provost of diversity, Mr. Felix Dzerzhinsky!

          1. R C Dean

            *up-twinkles, fears being the first to stop up-twinkling*

          2. Chipwooder

            You aren’t moving your fingers fast enough, tovarisch!

    5. R C Dean

      And inevitably, one of their defenders says “Its a $5BB budget! $100MM is chump change, barely noticable!”

  14. The Late P Brooks

    “Nobody really knows what it would look like to have a society free of domination and bias”

    Don’t mention the war gulags.

  15. commodious spittoon

    One wonders whether Watergate would be considered excusable, even admirable, if Nixon had articulated–after the fact, of course–unverified suspicions of ties between the DNC and the USSR.

    1. AlexinCT

      Yeah, my guess is that the very people today pretending Trump sold us out to Russia (after decades of excusing the USSR and telling us the wrong side won the Cold War), would have howled about McCartyism. Even if we had incontrovertible proof this collusion happened, like, Oh, I don’t know… Ted Kennedy going to Moscow to ask Brezhnev to help him win the election against that cowboy that was dismantling all the hard work the left had done turning the US into a giant shithole, they would still scream wildly and rip off their shirts in angry protest…

      1. Gustave Lytton

        would have howled about McCartyism. Even if we had incontrovertible proof this collusion happened

        The biggest lie of the 50’s red scare is that it was just a scare. Luckily Sen IselinTailgunner Joe was there to be a continuing useful idiot.

    2. Drake

      Maybe if it was the FBI instead of campaign goons.

      1. commodious spittoon

        “Of course, I couldn’t compromise the reputation of the Bureau by involving them in an investigation that could be construed as partisan, especially by those we suspected of foul play. Our investigators were to report their findings to my administration, whereupon we would present evidence of collusion, were any found, to the FBI.”

        Isn’t “we just wanted to protect Americans from the Ruskies” a warrant to do whatever you want?

  16. Not Adahn

    With both a Partner’s mother and a MIL, I’m assuming that we’re in a “my wife’s son” type of situation.

    In which case, she should just do whatever her bull tells her.

  17. OT – RE: Starbucks’ Absurd Racism Funtime

    I’ve compiled a handy-dandy list of important terms you can use in your everyday life dealing with the morons that inevitably surround you this very second.

    Structural bias – biases built into the systems of our world; y’know, like affirmative action in employment and pussy privilege in court.
    Implicit bias – Non-falsifiable concept created by magical thinking that treats “racism” and “bias” with primitive superstitious fear (see also: evil eye)
    Workshop on race – Combination of a struggle session and a re-education camp in which hapless victims are browbeaten into acknowledging the “truth” about the “reality of racism” (read: their false consciousness that convinces them they’re not racist) as a condition of keeping their livelihood
    White fragility – White people ticked off at constantly being called racist with no evidence whatsoever
    Equality – Equality of outcome that can only be accomplished by kneecapping more successful individuals and elevating failure and incompetence
    Color Blind – a horribly racist concept of judging people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin; “color blind” denies the existence of implicit racism and ignores the single most important feature of a human being, what he looks like
    Racially Just Society – Only achievable through the destruction of capitalism, adherence to strict Marxist doctrine and abolition of individual freedom in lieu of group identity and collectivism

    1. Creosote Achilles

      Don’t forget Equity, which is code for gimmedats.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Fuckstick – Person who uses these words

    3. Drake

      I was in the Colorblind camp until the mid-90s, when I discovered that it was all an extortion racket.

      As the guy in Josie Wales said, “Doin good ain’t got no end.”

      1. I’m in the DGAF camp: as in I DGAF who you are, what you look like, who you fuck etc.; treat me with respect and you’ll get respect back, otherwise you’ll get a “fuck off” or worse.

        1. I try to assume that most people are reasonably friendly, nice enough, smart, and competent, until experience quickly proves otherwise.

        2. Florida Man

          I think most people are that way, but that doesn’t get clicks.

        3. So you don’t give a fuck if we fuck your wife? :-p

      2. WTF

        As Josie said, dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’.

      3. R C Dean

        As the guy in Josie Wales said, “Doin good right ain’t got no end.”

        I think the difference is significant.

    4. ChipsnSalsa

      what he looks like

      Don’t gender me asshole!

    5. It’s funny how racism is the new not-racism, like nowadays not treating someone differently based on their skin color is demonstrative of white privilege and is like colonialism and slavery all at once.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        The goal is to design a social system with which it is impossible to comply. It’s the new religion, and the grievance mongerers are the new priest caste.

        1. Chipwooder

          Heads they win, tails you lose

        2. Florida Man

          It’s racist not to date outside of your race and if you do date outside your race you fetishized the other race. No way to be pure. Checks out.

          1. Caput Lupinum

            Do I get bonus points for dating a girl that is multiple non white races, or am I an ultra shitlord?

          2. Florida Man

            Depends, do you find her attractive because of her race or despite her race?

          3. Caput Lupinum

            I’m really only attracted to two out of her three races; this is getting complicated, I was informed there wouldn’t be any math.

          4. Florida Man

            It was a trick question. Of course you’re a shitlord, shitlord.

          5. commodious spittoon

            Colonizher.

          6. Caput Lupinum

            Nightly.

          7. WTF

            STEVE SMITH COLON-IZE EVERYONE!!

          8. Gustave Lytton

            Just go with the one drop rule.

        3. Every good racket makes the mark dependent on the guy running the scam. I just wonder how far it can go until a critical mass of people say, “What’s that you say? Hire a diversity sherpa to explain to me why the very fact of my being is oppressive to people of all other ethnic backgrounds? You know what? I think I’ll just be irredeemably racist.”

        4. Yes. I think Suthen has mentioned on here, and I agree with him, is that all of this is part of a demoralization campaign. Not just the racism stuff, but the assaults on objective reality (think gender BS), the attempts at delegitimizing due process (think campus rape star chambers) and the massive misinformation campaigns that go along with it (think our propagandist journalists).

          It’s designed to wear people down until they can’t offer resistance anymore and acquiesce to progressive rule.

          1. slumbrew

            … all of this is part of a demoralization campaign.

            Yes, it’s not a new approach:

            In my study of communist societies, I came to the conclusion that the purpose of communist propaganda was not to persuade or convince, not to inform, but to humiliate; and therefore, the less it corresponded to reality the better. When people are forced to remain silent when they are being told the most obvious lies, or even worse when they are forced to repeat the lies themselves, they lose once and for all their sense of probity. To assent to obvious lies is…in some small way to become evil oneself. One’s standing to resist anything is thus eroded, and even destroyed. A society of emasculated liars is easy to control. I think if you examine political correctness, it has the same effect and is intended to.

            ― Theodore Dalrymple

          2. It’s no different than what the Red Guard did during the Cultural Revolution. Once you’ve gotten a population of people to discard their traditions, their culture, even the most fundamental basis of how they acquire and develop knowledge and evaluate facts (consider the concepts of moral relativism, and the postmodernist take on, or maybe assault on, the notion of objective reality) you can fill the void with whatever you want.

    6. Gustave Lytton

      Waiting for the calls to rename MLK Day to someone else. I expect that MLK won’t be submarined due to his advocacy of colorblind equality of opportunity (even though that will be the real reason). Something like he was a horrible sexist sexual harasser or similar instead.

    7. Drake

      Here’s some footage of the Starbucks sensitivity training.

      1. Florida Man

        From the comments:

        Casey Klahn
        Murdered Out is the darkest roast.

        You can safely ignore this person when it comes to coffee. Dark roast = I don’t actually like the taste of coffee.

        1. Brett L

          French Roast? Italian Roast? All that burnt oil makes the espresso have the diesel swirl on top.

          1. Florida Man

            I bet he likes his steak well done too. Philistine.

        2. I beg to differ. I’ve been drinking coffee black since I was 12, and I’ve always preferred darker roasts. It depends on the beans, of course, but all else being equal I find that up to a point darker roasts taste more balanced and stand on their own better than light roasts, which can be too acidic or too fruity.

          I worked at Starbucks for a couple of years for some part-time cheddar, and they’d just started doing the “blonde” roasts. In my experience, people who got darker roasts never wanted room for cream and got larger sizes, while people getting light roasts usually got a smaller cup and poured a bunch of milk into it.

    8. R C Dean

      Racially Just Society – Only achievable through the destruction of capitalism, adherence to strict Marxist doctrine and abolition of individual freedom in lieu of group identity and collectivism the filling of mass graves

  18. ChipsnSalsa

    Don’t squish your banana when riding a bike.

    bike banana hammock

    1. Spudalicious

      And here I was thinking somebody finally came up a bike seat that wouldn’t make my balls go numb.

      1. Nephilium

        You should google Mac’s exercise bike from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It’s from the episode: “Hero or Hate Crime?”. I guarantee it won’t make your balls go numb.:

      2. Old Man With Candy

        You need a South Park IT.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Unmutual!

    “Canada’s advantage is in the process of going out the window,” Chairman Rob Wildeboer said in an interview before the ribbon-cutting on the research and development complex in Ann Arbor that employs about 160 people.

    Wildeboer reeled off his evidence, including rocketing electricity costs and changes to Ontario’s labor rules, which include a 30 percent hike to the minimum wage. While national economic growth is projected to slow this year, the U.S. economy is accelerating, getting a boost from tax cuts that he said put his country in the shade.

    Sure, Michigan offered some tax abatements, but Wildeboer said that wasn’t the biggest draw. The U.S. is just more business-friendly, he said. “Be competitive, or you’re going to kill the goose that laid the golden egg.”

    ———————–

    Canadians have to answer some tough questions, said Don Walker, chief executive officer of Aurora, Ontario-based Magna International Inc., North America’s largest auto supplier. “Do we want to be a capitalist country, where you’re attracting the capital and you’re building businesses and hiring people? Or do we want to be more socialist, where the government gets bigger, spends more money, puts us into this huge debt, which is going to burden future generations and makes it less competitive to do business here?”

    Wreckers! Kulaks! How dare they undermine Prime Minister Dreamy McDreamypants?

    To the gulag with them. Confiscate their wealth and distribute it to the truly deserving.

    *Minus fair and equitable processing and handling remittances to the Ministry of Plenty, of course.

    1. Whenever I think we’ve got it bad with Trump I think about Trudy up north. And then I think about how many people think the guy walks on water, and I’m right back to depressed.

  20. commodious spittoon

    I’m as against the norm of enforced cultural niceness as much as anyone, but why give them your head when they’re coming for your scalp?

    Roseanne Barr is under fire after joking that former White House adviser Valerie Jarrett is the love child of the Muslim Brotherhood and “Planet of the Apes”

    muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj

    — Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) May 29, 2018

    At least make them work for it, ffs.

    1. Drake

      I laughed.

    2. Florida Man

      I don’t get the insult/joke.

    3. Raston Bot

      why is Chelsea so ugly?
      because Janet Reno is her father.

      1. AlexinCT

        ^^^^THIS^^^^

    4. Sean

      ABC just cancelled her show over this.

      1. WTF

        Pathetic.

        1. Sean

          Bizarre that ABC was so swift to cave. These incidents only strengthen the resolve of the SJW hate mob.

          1. Drake

            ABC is the SJW hate mob.

          2. Scruffy Nerfherder

            That’s not surprising to me at all. ABC/Disney is run by SJW’s.

      2. Florida Man

        I guess she really didn’t want to revive her career. *shrug*

        1. Got the money upfront?

          1. commodious spittoon

            By all means, I hope she takes a massive slice out of the company on her way out the door.

          2. Florida Man

            That’s a long con. Come out of retirement, get paid, back to retirement.

        2. Brett L

          I assume she’ll get picked up by Amazon or Netflix or one of those other places that wants a profitable show.

          1. WTF

            Netflix is way too “woke”, not sure about Amazon.

          2. Chipwooder

            Netflix, home of Obamavision? Can’t see that happening.

        3. Sean

          Supposedly she has a net worth of $80 million. I think that qualifies as “fuck you” money.

          https://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/actors/roseanne-barr-net-worth/

          1. Chipwooder

            Well, duh – she’s Jewish, of course she hoards money!

      3. The Other Kevin

        I thought you were joking but nope, there it is on Google. Retribution sure is swift nowadays.

      4. Spudalicious

        But hey, Kapaernik.

      5. Drake

        Wow. Would be funny if Fox immediately picked it up.

        1. The Other Kevin

          I know it was a while ago, but Howard Stern found a new place and he’s doing just fine.

          1. Drake

            Fox picked up that Tim Allen show that was cancelled because he was too normal.

    5. commodious spittoon

      I get it, you hate Obama and everyone in his cabinet. Fine. But maybe don’t make an ape comparison to a black woman, you fucking mook. What did you think was going to happen? Didja think that would fly? Didja think you’d get some titters from your followers, And Nothing Else Happened?

      1. WTF

        Humans are actually apes, you know.

        1. Florida Man

          But do they read philosophy?

        2. commodious spittoon

          We’re great apes. The best. People tell me–we’re the best apes around. The greatest.

          1. WTF

            Classy.

          2. commodious spittoon

            I like all kinds of apes. All kinds. Straight, homo, whatever. They’re all great.

          3. WTF

            They’re not sending the best apes; they’re sending the shit-flingers, the face-chewers, the butt-humpers; some of them, I assume, are good primates….

          4. commodious spittoon

            Trump knows prime mates for sure.

          5. Nephilium

            What about the Great Grape Ape?

      2. Viking1865

        Yeah but the issue people have is that the rules are not the same for people who say similarly offensive shit about rightwingers. I remember absolutely horrific shit being said about Palin’s child with Downs. They’ve been calling Melania a whore for a couple years now. No one gets fired for that, just the opposite, they get applauded for their edginess and speaking of truth to power.

        That’s the issue, the double standard. There is a concerted effort by the left, from their various organs they control, the media, the academy, the bureaucracy, the corporate HR departments, to brand right of center political opinions as “divisive” at minimum and “racist hate speech” at the maximum.

        1. It’s beyond an attack on speech, it’s an attack on thought. These are people who say without a shred of irony that only white people can be racist. They believe in collective, ancestral guilt on a level that would feel very familiar to the Nazis. All of this is geared towards not just silencing their political opposition but eliminating the possibility of opposition in the future.

        2. R C Dean

          Its always interesting to me when I let a little bit of my political beliefs show at work, how shocked people are.

          When I said I didn’t think there was any evidence of global warming, because (a) the datasets had been compromised, (b) not a single model showing warming at a significant level survived contact with reality, and (c) because no one can show why we have climate cycles and why this one would be different, people were shocked. Things that I think are well-established are completely new to intelligent, presumably well-informed people who have simply never strayed outside the “accepted wisdom” bubble.

          I know better than to air my views on Mueller and the Russian collusion kerfuffle. Which is sad, but I am not willing to put my position at risk by airing views that will be received with hostility by my bosses and peers. Probably doesn’t reflect well on me, but there it is.

          1. Tulip

            I have had a similar experience when I said I think all drugs should be legal.

          2. R C Dean

            Its gonna be interesting next time we have a full pot legalization referendum on the ballot. My company came out against it; I’ll have to look at the state of the research on pot availability reducing opioid addiction. If its reasonably solid, I may stick my head up and say maybe we shouldn’t be opposing a measure that can help with something we have identified as a crisis.

      3. Deplorableme

        It is OK if you’re making fun of a white republican guy

    6. Raston Bot

      i don’t get what Planet of the Apes has to do with VJ.

      a better joke would’ve been: what do you get when Michael Jackson molests the Muslim Brotherhood? VJ

      https://www.google.com/search?q=valerie+jarrett&client=firefox-b-1-ab&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi1-s2VyKvbAhXLtlMKHTm8An4Q_AUICygC&biw=1038&bih=810&dpr=0.8

      1. Lackadaisical

        Seeing ‘vj’ referenced without any context made em think of this scene.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    It’s racist not to date outside of your race and if you do date outside your race you fetishized the other race.

    I fetishize some races more than others, but only the females. It’s only a matter of time until they burn me at the stake.

    1. Florida Man

      The first thing two cultures do when they meet is start banging each other. It’s beautiful in a sticky sort of way.

      1. slumbrew

        I always found OK Cupids data analysis interesting: https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060

        In brief – don’t be a black woman or an Asian dude :-/

        1. Florida Man

          Really interesting. Thanks.

          1. Lackadaisical

            I thought this was well known, just from looking around. >.>;

          2. Gustave Lytton

            Indeed. Asian female preference for white males is much higher than than the opposite.

        2. commodious spittoon

          OkCupid users are certainly no more open-minded than they used to be.

          Oh, fuck off.

          I do like those odds, though.

  22. Sean

    https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/05/25/613127311/digital-ambulance-chasers-law-firms-send-ads-to-patients-phones-inside-ers

    Patients sitting in emergency rooms, at chiropractors’ offices and at pain clinics in the Philadelphia area may start noticing on their phones the kind of messages typically seen along highway billboards and public transit: personal injury law firms looking for business by casting mobile online ads at patients.

    Fuck, that’s creepy.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder
  23. Chipwooder

    I haven’t been following this Tommy Robinson thing because a)I had no idea who he is b)I generally assume the worst about England anyway. Now that I *am* reading about it, though….what the fuck? Even for the British, a guy getting thrown in prison for a year within a couple of hours of being arrested AND a government-imposed ban on coverage is astonishing and distressing. How can that be legal even in England?

    1. Raston Bot

      no 1A protections like we enjoy here would be my first thought. FYTW was a strong second.

    2. The Other Kevin

      They’ve asserted themselves as the masters of life and death. Free speech is peanuts compared to that.

    3. R C Dean

      How can that be legal even in England?

      He was embarrassing the government and its lapdog media. Legal ain’t got nuthin’ to do with it.

      And it worked. The British media, once famously unruly and disrespectful, has knuckled under with barely a whimper. The suicide of Western Europe continues apace.

      Mrs. Dean and I have talked about taking a trip to Europe. I’m going to push for Eastern Europe rather than Western this time.

      1. Chipwooder

        I’ve mentioned it before that I long thought of myself as a bit of an Anglophile, and always wanted to visit someday, particularly to visit the villages I’ve been able to trace my ancestors to. Not anymore. No chance in hell.

        1. Drake

          I was there 30 years ago. I’ll hold on to that memory.

      2. Lackadaisical

        Mrs. Dean and I have talked about taking a trip to Europe. I’m going to push for Eastern Europe rather than Western this time.

        Wife and I honeymooned in Austria and Croatia, both were great. Austria for the culture and beer, Croatia for the beaches and wine. Thinking of doing Poland and Prague next time we go, whenever that is.

    4. Drake

      He’s a guy who is trying to have a debate on the mass immigration into the UK. He talks like a yob but is actually fairly bright and well-informed.

      1. He’s been around for a decade. I remember he started the English Defense League back in ’07 or ’08 back when I was reading Gates of Vienna – and they made a big deal about keeping out the extremists, etc. But from the very beginning, the MSM tarred and feathered him in the public consciousness.

    5. Chipwooder

      I’m not making any representations as to who or what this guy is – he may very well be a rotten guy. Like I said, I don’t really follow British domestic politics and news so all I know about him is what’s being reported now. Even if he is a fascist asshole, however, this is lunacy.

      1. Drake

        His basic point is that with so many Muslim immigrants pouring in, they aren’t assimilating to British culture – in fact that opposite is happening.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          He also has a bit of a stick up his ass about the rampant child rape stuff, can’t have that further pushed into the public’s consciousness you know.

          1. Lackadaisical

            That is called cultural enrichment, shitlord.

    6. Raston Bot

      sounds like he was reporting on a Paki grooming gang trial.

      https://quillette.com/2018/03/14/britains-grooming-gang-crisis/

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        The girls are mostly working class though so hardly anyone gives a damn. The Brits not being up in arms about this stuff just proves that they’re hopelessly emasculated.

        1. Viking1865

          What arms? They don’t have arms. They do not have the means to resist these tyrants, because they gave them up. For safety.

          There’s a reason Bloomberg and Soros and the rest of the big money progs are pushing hard at this NRA bashing and gun grabbing.

    7. For whatever reason the UK government is doing a full-court press enforcing political correctness. Tommy Robinson is a visible and popular British nationalist who has been warning people about the government’s attack on traditional British culture and dramatically preferential treatment of immigrant communities, particularly Muslims, at the expense of non-Muslim Britons of all races and creeds. The government can’t let Tommy Robinson cover the trial of a grooming gang because the conduct of the trial has been shameful, and I suspect that the outcome of the trial will be incendiary to the British public. My money is on this being a way to preemptively strike at Robinson and the civic nationalists before they have a chance to protest. It might backfire–it sort of looks like it’s starting to, at least–but who cares? It’s not like the Brits are armed. The relationship between the jackboots of the government and the necks of the citizenry was established some time ago, it’s just that now the mask is being taken all the way off.

  24. No new movies showing up this weekend, so I know what I’ll be doing on Saturday: http://www.charlottesvillederbydames.com/event/june-2nd-cdd-double-header/

    Xanadu is a pretty crappy warehouse but it’s a lot closer to my place than the convention center outside Statesville. It’ll be hot, but I think it’ll be fun.

    1. The Other Kevin

      My wife just played her first game last weekend after coming back from a hip injury. Her team lost but she played well (except for the 5 penalties). Hip seems to be doing well too.

    2. Xanadu is a pretty crappy warehouse

      I thought it was a place where nobody dared to go.

  25. Tulip

    Gah! Back in the airport, more idiots watching videos WITHOUT head phones. I hate people.

    1. AlmightyJB

      “I hate people”

      We all do Tulip.

      1. Chipwooder

        “You hate people!”

        “Yeah, but I love gatherings. Isn’t that ironic?”

        1. R C Dean

          If by “gatherings” you mean “open bars”, I’m on board, and see no irony at all.

          1. Tulip

            No bar beyond security. 🙁

          2. Lackadaisical

            But in an airport that size, you can probably get through security in under 5 minutes.

          3. Tulip

            True.

          4. R C Dean

            No bar beyond security.

            *froths at mouth, keels over in convulsions*

    2. Lackadaisical

      Those people need to be fed into an incinerator.

  26. Tulip

    Fargo airport has, like, 4 or 5 gates. I just watched a TSA guy escort two people to the monitor, point out their flight and gate. The people he was escorting looked confused, so he said, “I’ll walk you over.” What will they do in Minneapolis?

    1. creech

      Don’t worry, they’ll get on the wrong plane anyway and find themselves in LAX.

  27. creech

    Starbucks spokesman just on the news says the sensitivity training session is a “conversation.” Yeah, like what will happen to the barista who raises her hand and says “Is there any reason why white people assume black people commit a disproportionate share of crimes?”