Hello boils and ghouls, it’s your old pal the Cryptkeeper here…no wait, that’s not my name. Sorry, sometimes I get caught up in the moment.
Though I gave up the regular movie review beat, I still thought I’d bang out an article like I did last year on our experiences at TFW. To celebrate, one of the below links will go to a hardcore porn site – the rest are safe. This is your NSFW warning. You’ll never know which one it is until you try. C’mon, don’t be a pussy.
This one will be a bit different in content, since many of you would have already read my post on this from last year, and thus are already familiar with the context. For those of you who are new to the site within the past year, or didn’t read my previous write-up, in brief, TFW is the southwest’s largest horror convention, and my wife & I spend the weekend there every year.
Like last year, I’ll have a few images in the text, but most all the photos will be at the bottom of the article. It’s mostly just pics of costumes & the stuff we bought, because almost all the celebrities this year charged extra for photos with them, and the few times I tried a creepshot, it came out terribly. The other photos are mostly terrible as well due to the fact that this is literally the only time of the year I ever take photos of anything, so please understand and forgive. The only ones I really regret it on are two cosplay photos of Tippi Hedren & Spawn, which were both good costumes but when I reviewed the pics afterward, you can barely see them due to bad backlighting. It was too crowded during the main hours to take shots, so I tried to snag a lot of them in the hotel lobby. Also as before, I had trouble formatting them into a row, so you’ll have to forgive me & simply scroll down the photos in a line at the end.
The guest lineup this year was fabulous. They had all of the original cenobites (minus the chick from the first film, because she never does any conventions, ever – so the guest in her place was the chick from the second movie, which was still a good horror film). To round that group out, we had a *very* special treat – Mr. Clive Barker. He doesn’t do a lot of these kinds of things, so we were overjoyed. In addition to his prolific painting and film work, if you haven’t read any of his fiction, I highly recommend it. His Books of Blood is one of my favorite collected works of short stories ever. If you dig fantasy/horror short fiction, check it out, seriously.
Also making appearances were Ron Perlman, Adrienne Barbeau, Billy Zane, Phil Fondacaro, Tommy Flanagan, Brad Dourif, Tom Savini, Matthew Lillard, all the kids from the new IT movie, Charles Band and a shit-load of people from the various Friday the 13th films. The Friday night party was themed Camp Crystal Lake, so they were heavy on those guests (as this is the 13th year of TFW). Since I’m honestly not crazy about that film series outside of the first two movies & a few creative kills, I didn’t much care about their presence. If you don’t recognize the names of anyone just listed, check the links – I promise you’ll recognize them or at least have heard of their work.
The weekend got started off right, with Adrienne Barbeau flying in Thurs. night to attend a screening of Escape from New York at the Texas Theater, and do a Q&A afterward. The print they used was fantastic, better than my dvd, and Adrienne was an engaging speaker. She said she has done so much voicework that she has frankly forgotten most of it, and only recalls that she took some particular job once every year when some check shows up for $0.96 and has “Judge Dredd” written on the memo line (she was uncredited as the voice of the computer in that film). She tossed that out as the example, but said she just gets checks for tiny amounts every day for random old things she did. I thought this must be a strange thing, to go to your mailbox every day and be like, “Huh, I got 8 checks in the mail totaling $5.72.”
So the next day the spousal unit & I took a half-day off of work & rolled into the convention in mid afternoon, though it doesn’t open until 6. On the plus side, in their fruit-infused water jug up front, the fruit was cut into the shape of skulls.
Also amusingly, the little cute Asian girls they have working there had to wear wound makeup and have silly horror accessories, like this photo of an attractive young lady with scissors sticking out of her head. I’ve often wondered what they think about that, because the racial breakdown of the con attendees is about 70% white, 25% hispanic, and the rest is miscellaneous. Like seriously, my wife is one of maybe 20 Asian people there actually attending, and I can always count the numbers of black folks on my fingers. I have no idea why that is, but it’s true. Less amusing was the eyeroll-inducing naming of the food on the menu. I mean come on, Trembling Turkey? Blood-Dripping Buffalo Wings? And what the fuck happened to the Southwest Shrimp Cocktail, didn’t warrant a new name because it’s already so awful?
The convention started off poorly – it was so fucking crowded that Friday night, I panicked. This thing frankly outgrew the convention space last year, and this year was worse. We try to do signature hunting on Fri. night & Sun., when it’s less crowded. Well we spent an hour in line for Clive Barker, only to be told that he was leaving to do his scheduled photo shoot & wouldn’t return to the signature line that night due to feeling poorly.
So the first hour was a waste, but it kind of worked out. If you recall last year, we purchased a crocheted Count Orlock. Well the same vendor was there and she had a big crocheted xenomorph, but only one of them. She told us it had been a right bitch to make, and she was never going to make another one, so we pounced on it. If we hadn’t been forced to do a little browsing on Friday evening, I’m certain someone else would have bought it & then I’d have had to have killed my wife and myself, and possibly my extended family as well.
We did get the rest of the cenobites, Adrienne, and Billy Zane that night. A few anecdotes – the cenobites, despite being English and therefore you’d think reserved, will talk your ear off, even if you’re actively trying to exit the conversation. Nicholas Vince, who played Chatterer, was dressed in nice proper business-formal attire, except for some weird Pinhead Hello Kitty cufflinks, and to his delight my wife was the first to notice them that evening. Of course it’s because she’s fucking Asian, so she saw the Hello Kitty shit immediately somehow. Also, Barbie Wilde, the female cenobite, was selling her horror fiction books, and apparently is a very nasty-minded girl. Everything was a sexual innuendo or reference, and we all had a good laugh when, midway through our conversation, we could hear someone in another row (a worker, we believe, trying to repair something in a guest’s booth) said, “Damnit, I thought sitting in this chair would make it easier, but I think I was having more success on my knees.” Barbie, my wife and I all just looked at each other for a second before bursting out laughing. The photo you see is of the nice mahogany & etched brass puzzlebox we purchased to collect all their signatures on.
Also true fact: Billy Zane was just a leeeetle-bit of a dick. The best line in Zoolander pertains to him; “You should listen to your friend Billy Zane – he’s a cool dude”. Well we purposefully waited until there wasn’t anyone in his line, so that we wouldn’t be holding anybody up, and I asked him, “Hey, I know this is a bit unorthodox, but could you possibly sign this, ‘You should listen to me – I’m a cool dude’?” He smiled and kind of laughingly said, “Absolutely not”, then just stared at us. We thought he was joking for a second, because he said it kind of jovially, but then he said, “So…you just want me to make this out to the two of you or what?” So we said sure, and that was that. I mean hey, celebrities don’t owe me anything, I know that. But perhaps a, “Sorry man I don’t do personalizations to that extent” could be used instead of, “Hahaha NO”. Anyway he seemed nice enough in every other way, so maybe he’s just sick of that request. He was in a tracksuit & cowboy hat, and so looked kind of like a Russian gangster.
Phil Fondacaro’s line was short enough I was able to chat with him a bit. I asked him if it was just an outsider’s perception, or if there really were fewer opportunities for physically different actors like himself & Warwick Davis, with the advent of digital effects. He said absolutely, but it’s something of a mixed blessing because as he’s gotten older, and especially for someone who is physically limited to begin with, it’s a relief to not have to wear all the latex and costuming that he used to. A lot of the stuff that’s added in post now were the most cumbersome things to wear and act in, so the digital revolution isn’t all bad from his perspective. Of course the photo I got signed was of him as Vohnkar! And if you don’t get that reference, you’re no true child of the 80s.
Saturday was given to drinking, shopping, and making merry. It still sucked, because I had to wake my ass up at 7:30 to get in line for Clive Barker. Keep in mind the convention didn’t open until 11. So over three hours I sat there, but was 10th in line and so assured a chance to meet the great artist. Still, it left me a bit depleted for the remainder of the day.
We learned our lesson from previous years, and brought some beers, a bottle of bourbon (Larceny, which was very good for being as affordable as it was), and a bottle of Fireball. The hotel doesn’t care as long as you don’t get belligerently drunk – like David Arquette from a few years back. We were there and we saw bizarre things from a man still supposedly on the wagon. At least he drunkenly bought me a beer while we were both waiting at the bar. Anyway I attached a bunch of photos of all the shit we bought below, and some of the costumes we encountered.
That evening we spent a bit of time in the karaoke party, & went to a screening of Takashi Miike‘s live action adaptation of the manga, As the Gods Will. Now granted I wasn’t exactly sober, or anything even really resembling sober, by the time I saw this thing, but I still have no fucking clue what was going on. A weird doll was playing red-light, green-light with a class of students, and when it caught them moving their heads exploded, then the survivors went to their gym & dressed as mice and a giant maneki-neko was eating them, and it just got stranger from there. We finished out the night hanging out with all our friends on the patio, and there was a dude giving away free cigars for some reason, so that went well with the last of my bourbon (yes, the bottle was killed, with the able assistance of a couple of our friends).
Sunday was recovery day, so we went to the Ron Perlman panel. He’s a fun speaker – extremely foul-mouthed and self-deprecating. We snagged his signature and called it a weekend. As of the time of my writing this (Monday evening), yesterday was the saddest day of our year. This is our biggest event, and we get to spend it with a lot of great friends, and get a lot of great merchandise and add to our already ludicrous collection of autographs. Monsters everywhere, blood and guts, toys, movies, games, it just doesn’t get any better for the dedicated horror fan. And now it’s a whole other year until it comes around again. Oh well, less than six months to Halloween.
Comments
220 responses to “Reviews You’ll Never Use: Texas Frightmare Weekend 2018”
Dude, ask me next time and I’ll teach you how to make an image gallery.
How much does an event like this cost to attend?
Depends – counting the hotel room & all the shit we buy, we usually blow about $1,500 over the whole weekend.
Of course, if you only went for a day, it’d be considerably cheaper.
10 minutes in and only 1 pity comment: how sad.
I really only meant like an admission fee?
However, your tab for the weekend is the REAL horror here! You know how many homeless people that money could have helped? Shitlord.
But only 1/320th of a London basement.
Based on spending in major west coast cities, not even one tenth of one?
Some of us work. Help me out Rufus!
As someone with a short attention span, I like only having one picture on my screen and being able to scroll at my own pace.
Eurotards join resistance!
Go right ahead, motherfuckers, pay for your own fucking defense and welfare programs. Do it, you fucking pussies
Europe is going to bend over and tell Trump that they like it before that happens.
FFS, nut up. Nobody likes a passive-aggressive whiner.
These are just the successors to the leftists of the ’80’s who bitched about Reagan. The only real difference is that there is a small segment of them who actually think they succeeded or have the legwork to supplant America. A united Europe doesn’t need America! Only, the notion is a fantasy. This guy is writing this nonsense at a time that the EU is in a crisis. Even if the people running it are too arrogant to recognize that.
Besides that, there’s nothing left in Western Europe but pussies.
“Resistance against America.”
Which as far as I can tell simply means making shit up and acting retarded. Not sure why they think we care.
Can you imagine what a failure Iraq would have been without the Italians?
I suppose this might give people a fright.
I hope Not a Naked Intruder is OK.
You think that’s scary? No, this is scary.
I done told you, don’t stick it in crazy!
Her best Mona Lisa?
Jesus.
Nope, there are some other networks that have pics of here where she looks fairly hot. But, that’s until you read the entire story. She’s a fucking psychopath, ‘Hey, you Jew trash, I’m gonna kill you, I’m just like Hitler, that guy was a genius’. Really? She broke into the guy’s house and when the cops got there, she was taking a bath and had a large butcher knife on the passenger seat of her car. Lock that fucking cunt up for public safety.
I don’t know. She sounds and seems….charming.
What?
I don’t get out much anymore.
…Were you in Greene County, NY recently?
I love how many internet commenters seem unconcerned with the fact that the Facebook comment plugin often posts your employer’s name along with your comment.
Meh, I’m not on Facebook.
That’s good but that means you can’t comment at a lot of sites. Sad!
“That’s good but that means you can’t comment at a lot of sites. Sad!”
I’m a pass on that bad luck.
I remember when ESPN when to a FB comment format. It totally killed what was a decent soccer comment thread at one point.
No big loss for me. Fuck FB.
Totally. I don’t comment anywhere except here and TOS. Everywhere else it’s just yelling at clouds.
“I’d wear your fascia ‘n the top of your skull ‘n your hands ‘n feet.”
Um, okay?
Dude, she totally wasn’t going to threaten him, but he fucked her crazy ass and you know, that totally gives you the right to send death threats to people. How can we have a polite society if you can’t threaten to kill someone once you’ve fucked?
I keep telling you–That’s NOT me!
Of course, I wouldn’t mind intruding in on Brooke Selby’s home…IYKWIMAITYD!
I, uh….I’ll see myself out.
No Marilyn Burns? Paul Partain? Oh wait, they’re dead. How about Allen Danziger?
Dude, you were hosed.
BTW, SP and I came close to moving to Elgin. We were planning re-enactment nights.
My wife bought this shirt. I was so pleased with her, I gave her the gift of the penis that very night.
I take it there were no “ZARDOZ – THE PENIS IS EVIL” shirts?
Is it just the TFW or do black people not dig horror in general?
It’s an interesting question you’re not allowed to ask.
Blacks adore horror. And black boys are if anything more into comic books than white boys. Ditto art. What they don’t do so much is cons, and other engagement with highly structured fan culture like that. I don’t know why exactly.
You know you are completely estranged from American culture by being a long-term expat when you have no idea that Leprechaun in the Hood was a thing.
Is that Ice Cube?!
And Warwick Davis. Wow. I didn’t see any of those.
In the late 90’s early 2000s there was this whole boom of ghetto horror movies. Spike Lee’s Tales from the Hood, Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horrors, etc.. It coincided with the time when gangsta rap heavily borrowed images and themes from horror and thriller films (e.g. Dr. Dre and Ice Cube’s “Natural Born Killaz”). This would eventually develop into its own genre: horrorcore rap.
Bruh.
Wow. Amazon Prime. I can watch the 2014 “Leprechaun: Origins” movie, featuring, the box art tells me, Ian “Horswoggle” Postl, who I imagine was a Harry Potter dwarf or whatever. But if I want to watch the original Leprechaun, I’ll have to pay $4. Superb. Canceling my account.
Ooh, a flagged video. Nice.
The one with the giant axe is from resident evil, the dark angel thing is from Death Note.
Also captain Michael Myers, lol.
Right, for those that don’t know, Michael Myers mask was supposedly a rubber Bill Shatner mask.
Wife, local gov’t ordered to pay damages for wrongful domestic violence certification
Did the husband shout, ‘you pay me now!’
I know. Lazy humour. But hey. Muppets.
Great article Gojira!
I’m not into the horror genre… of all the names you listed, I only recognize Ron Perlman from Sons of Anarchy. I enjoy learning about other’s interests though and can appreciate the dedication.
Enemy at the gate, hellboy, pacific rim
I knew Hellboy, did not remember him being in Enemy at the Gates. Looks like he was on the sniper team. Excellent movie.
Oh yeah. I like that everyone just chose whatever accent they wanted to use regardless of what country they were supposed to be from.
He was the curio guy in the giant space head in the first Guardians of the Galaxy, too.
I think that was Benicio Del Toro. He reprised the role in the new Avengers flick.
Perlman has been a regular in Guillermo Del Toro flicks including Cronos and Blade II (in addition to Hellboy). He’s also done a lot of voice-acting, going back to the original narration for Fallout in ’97, etc.
Bah! I think I was thinking that, too.
And from The Name of the Rose.
Succubus. Also, wood.
Ha, like you’d have any choice.
I know which link! I know which link.
/splat.
I watched Martyr the other day. French torture porn, but with a motivation that actually made sense and no supernatural bs.
What are French torture tools? Custard? Jerry Lewis playing on a constant loop?
You should just watch it…
*snicker*
I’m a horror fan and I found the “motive” in that movie to be pretty damn retarded. Give me the mindless serial killer/slasher who can’t be killed by anyone besides the hot 17 year old virgin any day of the week.
If you haven’t seen it yet, give the 2003 French film High Tension a try one day.
Similar genre but a little more of a psychological thriller than torture porn. Still, it’s a well paced, sadistic mind-fuck.
Godzilla, do you like to go to Halloween horror nights? I go every year and have a blast.
I’m starting to get the feeling you guys really are nerds.
Starting?
I’m jealous of the puzzlebox. Does it open? I’ll wait here while you try it.
That movie scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. Couple that movie with the fire and brimstone sermons I was forced to listen to at church and is it any wonder I’m a lunatic today.
I considered Yentl to be a horror movie.
….as in I watched in horror.
At first look Heavenly Pinhead looked like bald John McCain.
How is “one of my favorite movies” a hint?!?
Very cool article again. Definitely up my alley. I never make it to cons (hit Pittsburgh in 2014 visiting a buddy)….but I might make it to Raleigh Supercon this July.
Glad to hear Perlman’s panel was good…he’s getting extra douchey on twitter lately.
Also cool about Clive Barker. It’s a couple years since the release, but was there any discussion of all the hell they went through to get the directors cut of Nightbreed out on disc? Huge favorite of mine.
Just finished a very different sort of movie – “Upstream Color” by Shane Carruth. A very worthy follow-up to “Primer”. But you definitely gotta be in the mood for it.
Probably no more reviews until at least the end of the month. Definitely not feeling in the mood for that right now.
I’m still feeling upstream color. It’s a emotional movie. I saw it a few years ago. My favorite character is still the sampler.
I could really see Paul Giamatti playing that role. Carruth is spectacular on a budget though, and exceptionally multi-talented when it comes to film-making.
Really would have liked to have seen the Thief get some sort of comeuppance though. The whole concept was so cruel.
He needed a after story where the pigs ate him after getting trapped in the pen.
Dunno if it falls in the same genre… or medium, even… but has anyone seen Ash vs Evil Dead?
Yes.
The originals are great, but the series that got made for netflix is even better, imho.
Great show. His obvious old age and attempted womanizing is highly entertaining
I’ve heard the Karate Kid series on Youtube is really good. Really deconstructs the movie.
Kobra Kai?
Lots of recommendations for it as the ultimate red-pill/anti-SJW series. But I’m not paying for Youtube Red to watch it. I think the first episode or 2 are free though.
You can sign up for the free sample, watch the first season, and then cancel. That’s what I did. Well worth the time, and once season 2 is available (It’s Cobra Kai, by the way), I’ll pay for a month to watch it. it really is a helluva a red pill series and is hugely popular.
Only season 1 so far. Top notch. Season 3 just ended (canceled or end of series) according to Bruce on twitter. I’ll need to pick up the blu-rays. Funny and extremely violent. Nice to have crazy gore in a [non-network] TV show.
Love the stay woke Tshirt.
I got one that can see!!!
The Syfi channel cancelled The Expanse today. I really hope Netflix picks it up. Syfi has no credibility these days. They will make shark Ando 8 but cancel actual Sci-fi.
Goes back to their roots with Bonnie “Satan” Hammer canceling every single good show they had in ’02 or thereabouts.
Replace “Netflix” with anything else that I don’t have to pay extra money for and yeah.
But yeah, fuck SyFy.
Oh, and I would gladly drop money on a DVD but Netflix doesn’t do that, either*. Fuck them.
*Or I can wait years for a UK import (just found Black Mirror S03 finally)
Also, thanks to OP for the hidden link, I didn’t know some of that stuff existed, and found something relevant to my interests somewhere along the line.
For the drinkers on here.
Here is my leaving work song. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JXTc3Choroo
Too much scratchy/screaming for me brother, though it is funny.
I live on both sides of that line, I’m not above killing a case of something shitty, or spending just as much on a single bottle. Life requires balance, you know?
Heres the song I used to play at work, just before the end of the day, in another life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrPNwLuk0zQ
Believe me it’s more of a feeling for me then reality these days. I’m the good who forced others to drink the good stuff. 20 years ago that’s a different story.
Besides, all the real winos know that boxed wine is the way to go if you want to get smashed for the cheapest price. 😉
I was more of a Thunderbird and Night Train fan in my wino days.
Bought a can of Spam for old time’s sake. Diced up some green onions, shredded some lettuce, and just mixed it all up with loads of mayo and mustard and relish. My God, this is how kings live.
Spam and spaghetti. My college delicacy.
Luxury!
I’m worried about you, dude.
It’s nostalgia, really. Mom made us spam sandwiches from time to time, but I’m trying to avoid the carbs, so I loaded up on lettuce instead. Pretty tasty!
wait, there are carbs in spam? I thought it was all salt.
Lettuce in lieu of bread. Spam salad.
Bitches better not be adding dog food filler to my spam. I expect 100% spam in my Spam.
I love that this is apropos of nothing.
My ice ran out, and I promised I’d stop drinking at this point.
Carry on clingers!
I actually ate spam for the first time in decades. It was the 25% lower sodium spam, and it still tasted like eating salt.
I’ve made it 46 years without ever tainting my body with Spam.
It seems that if you were tasting salt, you probably got off lucky.
And, Ditto on the spam-free 46 years, Mike.
Guys, it’s like the fattier bits of ham processed with some spices and shoved in a can. It’s really not that bad, unless you can only eat meat product that resists your teeth.
I get where you’re coming from, spitty, but-
doesn’t quite sell it for me. And, I’m not really adventurous, either.
I’VE SEEN YOU STEAL WINE OFF SOME OLD TRAMP ON A PARK BENCH, YOU LOON
Uh, I CLEARLY heard him say, “Hey, you want some of this?”…
I mean, what else could he have been talking about?
/my conscience is clear
I get pretty nostalgic sometimes but never enough to make, oh, a bologna sandwich. Or spam. Gah.
I draw the line at vienna sausages. And liverwurst.
Ah, leberwurst topped with raw onion with mayo on rye with a ice cold bier is what lunch should be every day.
Oh, rich Jewesses don’t partake of the faux meat of the masses?
I believe you mean “rich members of the Religious Society of Friends”.
SP is a Quaker?
*goes off to ponder how to make an anti semitic, pedo referential joke from that
*decides its too much trouble and probably not funny anyway
Nothing to see here folks
Crap! I’ve been outed.
I love processed meatlike food too.
I’ve tried real lips and assholes. Spam is no lips and assholes.
You never go ass to mouth.
If you didn’t fry the spam in some margarine you are not making proper spam.
also, wood
Not sure if these fall under the don’t stick it in crazy. Can I get a ruling?
https://youtu.be/kxpAq2ZGh9Q
I’ll be in my bunk.
To celebrate, one of the below links will go to a hardcore porn site – the rest are safe
I guess that is one way to get us to click every link. Not really my cup of tea but I still watched some of it.
Also, when did Deadpool become a horror fan icon? Who considers that movie horror?
Reposting:
French 911 Call
Wonderful. Sounds more like a Russian 911 call.
Awesome post. I’ve been on an 80s horror movie binge lately; Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Hellraiser, etc. This looks like a really fun con.
The Prince of Darkness. Great 80’s horror.
Check out Fright Night, it’s as campy as it gets.
My pre teen favorite. Fantastic Planet.
Never heard of it, I’ll have to check it out.
Can’t complain too much about Prime, I guess. They’ve got What We Do in the Shadows. That’s kinda horrory, right?
Okay, just spotted Murray from Flight of the Conchords. I knew it had Jermaine but now I’m SOLD.
You have to do some searching but Prime kicks ass on documentaries too. If you’re into war stuff they’re the best.
That was enjoyable. Not a horror movie. Bloody. But very funny.
I’m out. Good night Glibs
G’night TL.
PSA: I’m late, what else is new, BIF needs Your involvement, We have 5 but could use More, Tres! A Sixer of Irony Beer would be Fun, All types and styles, how about a Ginger Ale?
Still an Ale. come join the party, Send your info to the Overlords,
/The More You Know………….
What’s a BIF?
Beer it Forward, everyone sends a sixer or so so of beer to the next person, anonymously
See Nephilium
Right now we have 5 people, more would be better. I plan on sending some Local beers and some of my favorites, I think it’s a fun idea,
I kinda like Halloween III. Am I trendy or stupid?
Also; clowns are fucking terrifying.
I was scared of clowns before it was cool. Apparently I was screaming and trying to run away when my parents took me to Ringling Bros. in the early 80s.
No. Clowns are not scary! They are annoying, fer fuck’s sake!
I’ll ditto again for the H3 like.
But, really….clowns?
Yes. Freaky.
Well, OK. I tend to be armed, if you ever find you need some back-up. But, I don’t usually have a “shoot first” policy for clowns, in general.
Some of these fucks, though, were pushing their luck.
Then you should click on this link.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2tyr92K218M
I swear it’s totally not a 6’8 clown singing a hip-hop song in a deep baritone.
I’m thinking there’s some interesting bisex porn there (in the good way, not the unpalatable MFF way, and then I realized hellraiser thing had TITTTTAAAAYS and was mildly disappointed. 4 out of 7 pregnant tribbles, yo.
Also, skull melons makes me laugh every time I scroll by it.
Preputrecent scenery isn’t Conducive to my effluescent Scenario, Just Say’n……
Just Say’n
I’m guessing he’d be mighty miffed by you using his name in the same sentence as you discussing your effluescence
Maybe he’ll sell Yusef an indulgence.
Maybe. Depends on how much he’s willing to pay
Agile seems oddly lucid tonight.
Lucy is in the Sky, just Say’n
not the unpalatable MFF way
You and my ex would have some fun, I think, with the whole MMF thing. Or just the MM thing. Only chick I’ve know who got off to that sort of thing. But she would be.
Submission with pics or GTFO.
Maybe it was the Spam….
/ducks, runs
Ehhh, this girl… you wouldn’t want pics. Low point in my life.
It’s just funny, one girlfriend liked penetration porn. That’s what she liked to watch, PIV. Another girlfriend liked anime shit, mostly hetero, at least as much as she let me see. I’m sure she was into freaky shit that I didn’t care for, but I didn’t care for it. This is the only girl I’ve known who liked to watch gay men fucking.
I asked her a couple times about getting another girl involved, because she had much hotter friends, and she swore up and down that she was on the exclusively heterosexual side of the Kinsey scale… so I guess it makes sense that she’d only want to watch two penises in a scene together.
Now, now, cs. “Port in a storm”, and all that.
You’re still OK in my book.
Low point in my sexual life was wallowing in the mud behind the Legion Hall with a landwhale I’d just met half an hour before. Thank God cell phones weren’t invented yet. Actual mud-fucking.
That gives new meaning to the phrase, “When your dick is in the dirt”.
And, you’re still OK in my book, too, Festus.
Pretty much.
Just to be clear, mud-fucking isn’t a very explicit term for anal, is it?
Well, it isn’t. And, it IS.
/Suck on that, Irving!
Back on TOS Nikki would agree with me on an MMF ruining a perfectly good threeway with a woman, so probably not the only woman to feel that way.
Your sex is gross and you’re gross, and so is Nicole. I just want normal sex, what with the usual stuff, like we’re fondling in the back of a cab and then I’m fumbling the keys to the house and then we finally collapse together in bed, and then the real magic begins. And after sleeping off the booze, I make breakfast and we both wonder whether we’d actually fucked.
Ahem…
What you need, friend, is a Ginger in your life.
Had one several years (15+) ago. Very strange, short relationship. and, I mean, stranger than anything found here.
Well, go on…
(Ginger is Mitchel’s character in that skit.)
But I’m curious about this fiery vixen of yours.
Well, by “stranger than anything found here”, I was referring to you lot, not any stories of weird relationships/hook-ups.
Still, I somehow went from being something like, “exactly what I’ve always pictured my dream guy being” (even when she was sober!), to being kicked to the curb through the silent treatment.
So, maybe not “weird”, but more of a head-scratcher. Shit, I don’t know.
And, dammit, I wasn’t even thinking about the show/Webb…
You would be correct in that observation.
Maybe she got caught up by the flamingos.
Heh…that’s as good a theory as any can come up with.
I heard that she went back to an ex of hers and got knocked up almost immediately.
Good times.
Probably have enough women wondering why you got scared off, thinking she was the perfect one.
Yeah, most certainly one or two.
And, that’s why you’re still OK in my book.
I’ve had so much to drink tonight, I’m half expecting Sean Bean to whisper into my ear, “What’s happened hear?” I don’t know whether he’s ever said that, but that’s how I imagine I’m going to be feeling tomorrow morning.
I know you aren’t Rufus, but maybe this is appropriate?
The nice thing about America is that you’re free to hold completely incorrect opinions, commodious.
I was thinking the hotel was smart to do the melon skulls. It should be a crowd pleaser.
For tonight’s insomnia theater, I’m watching The Running Man for about the 50th time in my life.
I think their dystopian view of 2017 is somehow less dystopian than real 2017 was.
How the hell did these stalkers ever kill anyone? They use the most completely inefficient, useless weapons.
Preferred the dance move to the movie.
It never gets old.
That is a great, fun film. If it puts you to sleep that’s only because it is familiar.
Watching Beyond the Grave tonight. Love those 60’s and 70’s Brit horror.
Gah. What was that Italian one wherein the devil-girl was bouncing a ball that represented a human head? Saw it when I was about 5-6. Nightmare fuel for decades.
Donald Pleasance’s real life daughter makes Pleasance look like a model. Gah indeed!
Haven’t watched the original Evil Dead for a long time. The only good one before they yucked it up! I must have watched that flick 50 times on VHS. The sequel was such a let-down, “I ate three grams of mushrooms for THIS?”
I always preferred the Living Dead series over the Evil Dead.
RIP Oscar Romero
Of all the nonsense I’ve seen posted online over the years…
Some say Cupcakes are better, but i for one like Bacon, Food of the the Gods, I should Know I am one.Leaving lepers behind i see a magnificent horizon full of Puppies Barking…..
Some people, some people say that cupcakes are better but I for one say that there is nothing better on god’s grey Earth than that Prince of Foods, The MUFFIN!
Umm…wouldn’t be the King, if there’s nothing better?
Maybe it stepped down, and got a barony?
Who are You? Fuck Off!
/Welcome
Well played.
::tips hat::
Is that from something or are you going Agile Cyborg?
I wish I had a pair of bongos! Bongo Fury! Bongo Fury! Bongo Fury!
I taste the fine Brownie like substance and ponder, Milk? why yes, Milk is good. Dense Brown confections swirl through my otherwise empty shell, calling Yusef, Yusef Eat me!! So i do.
Jupiterian sttarwinlkes preserve my mad inanities of brekededness. Damn Good Brownies!
Good night Glibs
I am Agile, and I am a Cyborg, but I am not AC
You Mileage may vary, depending on the length of the Galaxy of you are id , divided by by my Galactic cross section times 2, maybe………..
But the the wierd people populate Asia or some thing.I think…..
Jesus, Bob! It’s only Friday night out here on the least coast. Something stirring yer cranium? Making yer orthographs discumbobulate? Let us know and we can help!
Very Angry, also planning a musical event, Dammit, I broke character!
Good article Gojira. I miss your movie reviews and your hysterical rating systems.
Ditto. That underwater shark fight was great.
Gojira, got my Tora san piece basically finished. Never done a movie review. We’ll see how it turns out.
I know a lot of Law abiding aliens who won’t come to this planet because of the laws, it’s sad Because they have Space Hookers, and i have to go Off planet to get some,
Why is Earth so backward?
Meanwhile, my itinerant Friends have enumerated my Sponges, leaving me with no recourse except, The Compost Heap! Better than a chipper, no DNA!
Well, I have to go to sleep, i need to get up Friday morning, get some stuff done, then jump to 10 am Saturday, and finish my day, I’ll say hi to AC while i’m out (of time)
/Yusef the Traveler
Night, night.
Some occasions demand Nocturnalitations , to be forthcoming, so that more normalspeech may occur, and R/c planes can be flown………….
God help us, we’ve run into Slab City Bob! Don’t sell your business to that crafty dwarf in the poncho! I can tell from here that he’s up to no good.
Crap. Put this in the wrong thread.
Funeral Parade of Roses is on now on TCM.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funeral_Parade_of_Roses
Transvestites and a reverse version of Oedipus Rex in 1968 Tokyo.
I’m late to this article, but I wanted to say I really liked it. ???