ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. THE ADVANCED SYSTEMS THAT ARTHUR FRAYN INSTALLED HAVE ALLOWED ZARDOZ TO PREEMPT A REQUEST FOR ADVICE TO “DEAR PRUDENCE”. ZARDOZ WILL NOT EVEN ALLOW THE BRUTAL “PRUDENCE” TO ANSWER! INSTEAD, HEAR THE ADVICE OF ZARDOZ!
Q: Dear Prudence, I am afraid that the Skunk Ape will come and rape me. I tried to give the traditional offering, but was unable to do so. Can you please tell me how to keep my rectum in some sort of shape other than “gang raped to death”. I have plenty of brutals and plenty of guns.
Sincerely,
Florida Man
A: ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN “FLORIDA MAN” ONE. NORMALLY ZARDOZ WOULD SAY THE BRUTALS AND GUNS SHOULD BE ENOUGH, HOWEVER, OVER THE PAST YEAR, ZARDOZ BECAME FRIENDS WITH STEVE SMITH:
SO ZARDOZ COMPREHENDS OF WHAT YOU SPEAK. ZARDOZ WILL CONSULT WITH FRIEND STEVE SMITH TO SEE IF YOU CAN RECEIVE HIS ASSISTANCE WITH THE SKUNK APE.
…
SHOULD THAT FAIL, ZARDOZ WOULD RECOMMEND SHOVING AS MANY OF YOUR BRUTALS TOWARD THE SKUNK APE AS POSSIBLE, AND FLEEING IN THE FASTEST FAN-BOAT YOU CAN GET. IF THAT DOES NOT WORK OUT – KEEP THIS LINK HANDY.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Comments
114 responses to “ZARDOZ MUST, ONCE AGAIN, VANQUISH “DEAR PRUDENCE””
Cross-glib narrative?
This gun be gud.
We have a glut of articles this day. Must be a special occassion.
Lincoln’s Birthday.
“That’s nothing to celebrate!”
– Thomas DeLorenzo, probably
Your tax dollars at work:
Shouldn’t there be a gaping wound at the back of the head?
The bad wig is covering it.
Also my Father’s birthday.
Your father was Lincoln?
I have never seen them together at the same time. So maybe.
@nickgillespie
Increasingly drawn to the conclusion that Zardoz represents a reaction to modernism and Steve Smith represents the unbridled spirit of cosmopolitanism
Damn it! Please delete this nonsense that I posted. I just wanted to post the last tweet! Damn it- the joke is ruined. I’m done
That was A LOT of nonsense…..dare I say that was the Nick Gillespie of Gilmores?
*Polite applause*
Excellent!
I don’t see any problem.
/whistles innocently
Better? Worse?
What in the Wide World of Sports was that?!
The Agony of de Feet?
Let me explain myself. I was trying to copy a Tweet from Gillespie and then change the wording to what I wrote. Probably no one would have found it funny, but it would have made me laugh and at the end of the day isn’t that all that’s important?
Go eat some cardboard pizza
You’re supposed to take it out of the box first.
I laughed? Unless it’s been edited from what you originally posted
Thank you for the laugh.
I believe I uttered a sensible chuckle or three.
What did you bunch of innerlectshuls do to stay awake during class? I have two hours on construction practices which frequently dips into the text of state code, and stabbing myself with a paperclip only gets me so far.
Meth works good I hear
I’m going to have to second the sentiment. Drugs are good. Meth, not so much
Try this.
Could you pull a fire alarm?
I always found that having a large rich milkshake kept me awake.
I always thought it was lactose intolerance, but the threat of a really bad case of explosive diarrhea always kept me in tip top form when it came to paying attention when I really needed to.
Undress the instructor with your eyes.
You had very different compliance training instructors than I had.
Or possibly just VERY different tastes.
Disgust will keep you awake just as well as arousal.
During my accounting class, which I somehow managed to not be able to take except for the late evening class, which went to 10PM or so, our instructor was an army boot wearing drill sergeant of sorts. SHE would lecture for 30 minutes or so then walk around the room glaring menacingly at us while we worked on assignments. We were scared to doze off because she had this damn pointing stick and we were sure if we dozed off, she would wack us about the head with it.
You know who else had a pointy stick?
Buffy?
My dog?
Whoa.
This could cause a few problems unless it’s a hoax. And even then.
Odds on how long it takes a celebrity to tweet that it’s too bad she didn’t die?
I’m betting it’s already happened, and right now the NYTs typewriters are catching on fire churning out the articles that it’s all Trump Jrs fault anyway.
Kelly: Mr. President, your son and his wife were targeted by an Anthrax attack
Trump: They’re overrated. Scott Ian kind of sucks
Kelly: No, Mr. President- not the band Anthrax- the substance
Trump: OH NO- NOT ERIC!
Kelly: No, Mr. President, your other son
Trump: Barron? But, he’s not married- is he?
Kelly: Your other son
Trump: Just tell me- I’m in no mood for a guessing game
Kelly: Don Jr., Mr. President. His wife is in the hospital now for observation
Trump: She’s like a six- not a big loss. Should I give a speech to assure the American people that Eric’s hot wife is OK?
Kelly: I think it’s best if you just not comment on the matter
I could have easily been fooled that SF didn’t write that. Nice impersonation.
Shit, should I feel bad for laughing at that? Because that was funny.
OT: Welcome to the new and wonderful world of libertarians opposed to an expansive view of due process. If you buy this argument, pretty much his whole set of articles on the Rolling Stone fiasco is nothing but ignorant caterwauling.
Thanks for reminding me why I left TOS.
I don’t like Robby either but I disagree with you. He argues you don’t get due process in the court of public opinion. That sounds about right to me. The Rolling Stone fiasco involved both a lack of due process in the campus
kangaroo courtsrape tribunals and slander (or libel; I forget which is which). That’s quite different.And in other news, we get a handy dandy checklist on how to spot the gay.
The highlights being:
Note, western feminists are all lesbians.
Jesse hardest hit
“gay men were easy to identify because of their love of beards”
I firmly believe that every man should grow a beard at least once in his life- straight/gay/whatever
And every man not named Matt Welch can do so.
I have some friends who cannot grow beards and some friends who can grow beards by they’re patchy and they look ridiculous. I pity these men
I would have to shave twice a day to not have a beard.
I’m not doing that.
I have the same problem. I have my goatee, but the rest I just use my clippers to shave down to a stubble. Stubble is so cool now anyway, I don’t waste so much on razors, only to trim neck and border areas. Works.
I think of it as an opportunity.
I can go from clean-shaven to a solid inch of beard in about a month. For shits and grins I grew it out to about 4″ of length, but now my move is to keep it around an inch or so in the winter months and hit it with trimmers using a #1 guard about weekly once spring gets here.
I am one of those.
I could go unshaved for 3 months, and Shaggy from Scooby Doo would have more impressive growth and coverage.
Yeah. Back when I first decided to grow my goat, which I still have… NOT THAT KIND OF GOAT! I DO NOT OWN A GOAT, PEOPLE STOP ASKING ME IF I OWN A GOAT! /end tirade, continues story. Anyway before I was so rudely interrupted, back when I first grew my goatee instead of just a mustache, a bunch of the guys at the company I worked for decided to grow one too, cause I guess it was all the rage. Anyway, we quickly found out who the real men were and who the ones with the funny looking fuzzy patches on their face were, obviously not real men.
Only a man who owns a goat and wants to hide the fact that he is in a relationship with that goat would go out of his way to deny owning a goat
That might be true if the guy wasn’t of Welsh ancestry. You anti-Welshite!
Yeah, I hate the Welsh. What of it?
Only a Welshman would deny hating the Welsh, so that statement doesn’t mean much.
You only say that because you’re gay and want to feast your greedy, pondan eyes upon them.
Clearly
I didn’t think gay men needed beards anymore in this day and age.
I totally respect gay men unless they have a neckbeard. Then they’re total fags. Come to think of it, straight men with neckbeards are also total fags.
What if it is turkey neck beard?
I thought the overgrown beard was a symbol of fundie Islam…
*looks back over oft-ignored cultural practices involving small boys*
…That doesn’t really disprove the assertion though.
I know there was a lot of talk this morning about WaPo’s disgusting post praising Kim Jong Un’s sister. I’m not sure if anyone posted this yet, but apparently, the NYTs could not wait to jump into the fray, penning a glowing puff piece on the minister of propaganda for the world’s most thuggish and murderous regime.
Murderous thug woman oh so lovely!
So, lots of people have been wondering when that slipping mask of the left is finally completely removed. Well, I think that today is that day. These people are disgusting scum of the highest order. I hate all of them and wouldn’t piss on them to put them out if they were on fire.
Thanks a lot, I accidentally read some of the comments and now I am pretty sure I have cancer.
I in particular loved one of the comments saying ‘The two Koreas are going to re-unite faster than Germany did after the war’. Um, no they are not. There’s no path to that for Kim. As soon as the borders opened up, there would be investigations launched into North Korea’s civil rights abuses and things would be uncovered that would make the Nazis blush. All of this would be broadcast around the globe. Kim and many others in his regime, probably including his lovely sister, would be put on trial for crimes against humanity. Kim is evil, but not that stupid.
The Germanies reunited after the Commies fell. So the only way for the Koreas to reunite would be for the Kims to fall or for the Kims to conquer the South Vietnam-style.
Yeah, that about sums it up. I prefer we take out Kim and put them into a no win situation.
“Hey faith in the media is at all time historical lows, maybe we should address this by recognizing bad practice within our organization and attempt to correct it…”
“OMG DID YOU GUYS SEE HOW COOL THE MURDEROUS DICTATOR’S SISTER IS?!?”
“Oh goddammit…”
What’s even more strange is the debate going on between the Mises people over whether or not the media is wrong to be fawning over North Korea
https://twitter.com/ThomasEWoods/status/962725359161675776
You might have taken your non-interventionism in the wrong direction
Molyneux: Wouldn’t it be nice if we could at least agree that North Korea is a shithole?
Response: Neocon war-enabling dipshit…
Hey look, it’s why no one takes libertarian foreign policy seriously.
It’s stupid. People can hold two ideas at the same time. (1) North Korea is a brutal tyrannical regime and (2) starting a war with North Korea would probably not be beneficial to the Korean people or the American people
To be fair dipshits with responses like this:
So he was willing to cry about how bad communism was, but wasn’t willing to do anything to cure the cancer? Sounds like a real role model.
Muddy the waters.
Eternal war and turning every country on the planet into MacArthurian Japan is the only way to truly be anti-communist.
Nuh uh, you right wing extremist! /all progs
I completely understand why the Norks would be completely terrified of us and want to develop a nuclear arsenal. Because typically everyone we set our eye on as a possible target, gets their shit bombed back into the stone age. That being said, there is no excuse for Kim firing rockets over Japan and starving, imprisoning,, torturing, and murdering his own people. After that thing with the Otto kid I just stopped having any sympathy for that regime. Put a damn bullet through that fuckers head, take out the missile sites and tell whoever is next in command, that they can choose either diplomacy or certain death. This shit has went way too far already.
Daniel McAdams is a twat. This is known.
He’s OK. It’s just that the hardcore anti-war libertarian people often sound a lot like the actually anti-war Left, like Greenwald. The problem is that they both end up falling into this trap of defending some really nefarious regimes, because they fear any verbal attacks on these regimes is always a prelude to a war.
Yeah, this is where I sometimes shake my head at the Mises institute. There is plenty to criticize about our foreign policy without having to resort to whitewashing the opposition.
Agreed. But, not all of them do that.
Which ones don’t? Their tendency to slobber over America’s enemies was one of the biggest things that drove me from LRC and Antiwar.com to Reason.
True. It’s really weird how unhihnged McAdams got…..and then to turn around and get huffy with Tom. I feel like telling him “Don’t tweet angry, take a walk and sleep on it before you respond.
I liked this response:
Tom! Please help! We can’t live in a world where @DanielLMcAdams / @RonPaul and @StefanMolyneux are feuding.
“Their tendency to slobber over America’s enemies”
I mean that depends on what define as “America’s enemies”. I don’t think they slobber over any country, but they do come from the rational perspective that other countries are just as proud and confident that they are the ‘good guys’, as the US is. They do get provocative in their declarations sometimes, but that’s par for the course.
I don’t see that. I seem them saying that bad stuff about whatever Regime America is against is neocon propaganda to justify war so therefore it must be bullshit or ignored.
What regime is the US against?
North Korea
Why is North Korea America’s enemy? Did they invade the US? Seems like they are more of South Korea and Japan’s problem. I wonder how we’d respond if they had 50,000 troops stationed in Mexico along our border
You’re moving the goalposts.
I talking about stuff like this:
https://mobile.twitter.com/DanielLMcAdams/status/962838309058826240
I’m not moving the goalposts. I asked you who you are defining as America’s enemies and you said ‘North Korea’ and I said ‘how are they our enemy?’. I’ve already said that people can hold the notion that the North Korean, Russian, Iranian, and Venezuelan regime are bad while also believing that the US should not involve ourselves in fighting these regimes. So, I don’t agree with McAdams sentiments, but the notion that one has to define these countries as our enemies, otherwise we are defending them, is standard neocon rubbish
Yes you are. I stated the US is against the North Korean regime and then you asked “why is North Korea the enemy” when the statement you replied to did not use the term “enemy”. I did use the term in an earlier post but changed it lest you accuse me of thinking North Korea is a real threat but you did anyway.
You are changing the subject to avoid talking about why the Miseans always end up dismissing attacks on these regimes the US do not like (note I did not use the term “enemy”) to calling me an apologist for US foreign policy when I did no such thing. In other words typical Misean distraction.
Why is North Korea America’s enemy?
The UN sucked us into a war with them 60 years ago that is technically still on, since we only have cease-fire and not a peace treaty?
I’m not really getting your point here. You agree that these countries are not our *enemies*, yet you want to know why the Mises people don’t attack countries that the US is *against*. Probably, because these countries that have been designated as our *adversaries* are being prepped for conflict by the US?
I don’t get your point either? You complain that they at times defend “nefarious regimes” and I complained about the thought process that leads to that yet seem to defend it when you previously complained about it?
Yeah I just went down the rabbit-hole of those tweets…..I listen to Daniel McAdams on the Liberty Report……I’ve never heard him act insane…….that whole twitter exchange rivaled the stupidity and viciousness of a middle-school cat fight. SAD!
I’m talking to myself but wanted to get this out before I go…..
That’s just so strange coming for Ron Paul’s right hand man. RP is always the very model of class and restraint, he never lowers himself to ad hominem attack even his most base political opponents…..
Really weird to me that McAdams acted that way
Or this:
https://original.antiwar.com/justin/2013/04/11/the-meaning-of-hugo-chavez/
And why does McAdams Twitter account show the Belarussian flag?
https://mobile.twitter.com/DanielLMcAdams/status/962838309058826240
Well at least the MSM is acting more like H.L. Mencken.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/commentary-why-are-the-media-celebrating-north-koreas-cheerleaders-and-kim-jong-uns-sister/
That story could have been written by an Asian commenter – Ho Lee Shit.
Someone at CBS actually made the mistake of putting out a genuinely accurate article. I think there’ll be a firing in the near future.
OT, did the talk of a Utica meet-up ever go anywhere?
Nothing back from Bob yet. He’s probably trying to corral his harem.
It’s a trap, they’re all Tulpas!
Let us know, I’d be willing to be designated pilot if we overnight (up to 3 passengers NJ, CT etc no problem).. Would just have to have someone get us from KRME Rome/Griffiss airport.
You would probably be KDXR Danbury CT, or I suppose KHPN. Flight time one hour.
While I was planning to drive, I only have three spare seats in my toxic waste wagon.
I’m next door to Danbury, so the offer sounds appealing.
Rhywun claims he’s washing his hair or something on that day, but maybe this would tempt him to submit to an adventure.
What do you fly, Doc?
I have a 2005 Mooney M20M Bravo.. 4 seats, 250mph cruise
Same paint as this one:
http://www.airmart.com/aircraft-for-sale/114/mooney/n322pm-2005-mooney-m20r-ovation-2-gx/n322pm
A beauty! I hope your prospective passengers aren’t fatties. I seem to remember that one being kind of cozy!
Is that the standard avionics package?
You can get by with one larger passenger, then it becomes cramped.
My plane is even more weight limited since it has FIKI (Icing) and Air Con.. So I have to leave off fuel when all four seats are filled, but normally it is just the missus and I.. so we can go non-stop to northern FL.. but we usually stop for fuel in NC/SC when we go to southern FL… we will be in Marco Island for a week starting Saturday.
Since 2005 that is the standard Garmin G1000 system. Almost all new planes from Mooney, Cessna, Diamond, Beech, Piper, Socata etc. use the G1000. Any extra features are in the avionics bay, ADSB, Stormscope, XM weather, Active traffic, etc.
Mooneys are delightful. Good on ya, Doc!