STEVE SMITH SEE FRIEND ZARDOZ GIVE ADVICE. HIM VERY SMART FOR FLYING GIANT STONE HEAD. SO STEVE SMITH DECIDE HE WANT TO TRY! SO STEVE SMITH THINK, WHAT HE GOOD AT? RAPE, LIVING IN WOODS, RAPE, REMAINING HIDDEN, RAPE AND … MANNERS! GOT TO PRACTICE FANCY MANNERS WHEN WENT TO HOLLYWOOD AS STEPHEN SMYTHE. SO STEVE SMITH TRY HAND, GIVE BETTER ADVICE THAN MS. MANNERS.

MANNERS MAKE THE RAPESQUATCH

FIRST QUESTION: Several years ago, our guests stopped sending us thank-you notes. They stay at our weekend house for days on end, being wined, dined and pampered, and then we receive an email: ”It was so lovely. Thanks.” Now it appears they no longer call or send birthday cards. On my birthday, I receive “e-cards” and am told where to go on the net to see them. Should I feel content with this? At least they remembered my birthday (although doubtless because a programmed reminder popped up on their e-calendars).

STEVE SMITH SAY: STEVE SMITH SAY DISCONTENT NATURAL FEELING. IT NOT TOO MUCH EFFORT TO WRITE FEW LINES. WHEN STEVE SMITH STAY WITH FRIENDS (NESSIE, WENDIGO, UNCLE MAPINGUARY AND OTHERS) HIM ALWAYS SEND NICE NOTE. JUST TEAR LARGE HUNK OF BIRCH BARK OFF TREE, USE SQUIRREL AS PEN AND WRITE SINCERE THINGS. ALSO MAKE SURE SEND BIRTHDAY PRESENT – WRAP RACCOON IN LEAVES AND PINE NEEDLES. THAT ONE GO FEDEX…USPS NO TOUCH THAT. QUICK EASY GIFT – OWL AND OTHER BIRD SKULLS.

IF WANT TEACH MANNERS TO THOUGHTLESS GUEST – YOU HAVE STEVE SMITH GO BY WEEKEND HOME. HIM EXPLAIN PROPER EXPRESSIONS OF GRATITUDE FOR HOSPITALITY. STEVE SMITH MAKE SURE HIM HAMMER HOME POINT. BY HAMMER HOME POINT, MEAN RAPE SO HARD THEY NOT SIT FOR MONTH.

 

SECOND QUESTION: My parents, who own a large empty nest, offered to provide free room and board to a cousin while he was a student. After a couple of years, my mother was tired of having the cousin living with them, although my father rather enjoyed his company.

Eventually, my mother had harsh words for the cousin, who abruptly moved out, with angry feelings on both sides. Now my mother is angry that after cooking for the cousin and making him part of their lives, she not only has not pleased his family, but they openly dislike her.

The cousin’s family told me that my parents expected him to help maintain the large empty nest; their version is that my parents exploited him by expecting him to do chores. (When my siblings and I lived at home, we did a lot of chores, and I’m sure my parents thought the cousin would do the same when living there.) I don’t know who is right or who is wrong, but I do know everyone is mad.

 

STEVE SMITH SAY: FOR ROOM, BOARD…FEW CHORES NOT TOO MUCH ASK. WHEN FRIEND ZARDOZ STAY WITH STEVE SMITH, WHILE DRY OUT, HIM GIVE GIFT OF GUN, AND GRAIN. ALSO USE GRAVITRONIC DRIVE TO DRY LEAVES FOR CAVE FLOOR. HIM BEST CAVE ROOMIE EVER. SO STEVE SMITH HAVE GOOD EXAMPLE DRAW FROM.

FOR ANGRY COUSIN, TRY POINT OUT HOW MUCH ROOM, BOARD COST AND HOW BAD STUDENT LOAN GET IN FEW YEARS. ASK, HIM NO DO CHORES AT HOME? IF TOO LAZY AND NO HELP…MOM AND DAD BETTER OFF HE GONE. STEVE SMITH GO TELL ALL THIS TO COUSIN’S FAMILY IF WANT. THEN DEMONSTRATE DOING CHORES AROUND HOUSE. BY DOING CHORES, MEAN RAPE ENTIRE FAMILY. AROUND HOUSE.

 

STEVE SMITH HOPE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE FIND STEVE SMITH ADVICE USEFUL.