Thanks to SP for filling in for me yesterday. I had to get a chipped tooth fixed so I can escape immediate identification as Florida Man until after my unstable and dangerous behavior really takes off. In some new-to-me sports news it looks like the Astros are trying to avoid becoming one-hit-wonders. Or maybe aspiring to become one-hit-wonders. Insert your “traded for more good pitching” pun here.

Canadian hitchhiker brutally dismembered in Philly. Nobody is surprised by this.

Good news. A little caress for your junk.

I would like to remind everyone that I no longer reside in Tallahassee.

For those of you wondering if you have a drinking problem — there’s a website for that! I’m just going to suggest that if the police or lack of funds are your regular ways of stopping, you might want to see about changing things. Or if you’re the chick in the picture.

Meanwhile, in Russia

Here’s a homeless guy singing a drinking song.