ZARDOZ’S FRIDAY NIGHT LINKS

“THIS YEAR’S CHRISTMAS PRESENT IS….THE GIFT OF THE GUN!”

 

ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS BUSY WITH PLANNING THE VORTEX CHRISTMAS PARTY. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ZARDOZ’S DECORATIONS?

 

JINGLE GUNS, JINGLE GUNS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY… OH WHAT FUN WE’LL HAVE TONIGHT CLEANSING THE BRUTALS WE WILL SLAY!

 

HO, HO, HO…GO FORTH AND KILL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ADVICE – THIS WEEK, THE BRUTAL “ASK AMY” IS DISMANTLED AND HUMILIATED BY THE SUPERIOR QUALITY OF ZARDOZ’S ADVICE.

QSince last year, I’ve been asking my wife to take a different approach to the holidays, and to just focus on our small immediate family. Every year, without fail, there’s some major disappointment, family conflict or travel debacle, typically with her extended family. She walks away exhausted, angry, frustrated or hurt. Last year, she said she was “done” after a big fight between her aunt and cousin that got very heated. She says she does not want them around, but she feels obligated to host these big family holiday parties, because otherwise, they would not see one another.

My wife finally said she was not going to host this year. I was thrilled and told her we would find ways to make it special for us and our son.

Amy, how can I get my wife to understand “quality” over “quantity” with familial relationships? I don’t want to see her in this constant cycle of anxiety and stress.

What do you recommend?

— Anxious Husband

A: WEAKLING! WHY ARE YOU PASSING ON THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY? INVITE THE ENTIRE FAMILY. ONCE AT THE PARTY, ARM EVERYONE – WHEN THE INEVITABLE ARGUMENTS BREAK OUT, THE CLEANSING WILL BEGIN! IF YOUR BRUTAL RELATIVES ARE TOO SLOW TO BEGIN SHOOTING EACH OTHER, STIR THINGS UP A BIT – PERHAPS A COMMENT ABOUT AUNT BARBARA SAYING THAT COUSIN MIKE WAS A WORTHLESS DRUNK. OR THAT BROTHER IN LAW FRED SAID THAT MILLIE’S DAUGHTER WAS DRESSED LIKE A WHORE.

FAMILY CHRISTMAS PARTY

GO FORTH AND SH!T STIR! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

 

  • ZARDOZ SHAKES HIS STONE HEAD AT THE BRUTAL CITY OF CHICAGO. THEY APPEAR TO HAVE A LARGE NUMBER OF BRUTALS RUNNING TO BE RULER. AND THEY ARE BEHAVING POORLY. ALTHOUGH HE WOULD PREFER OPEN VIOLENCE, ZARDOZ IS AMUSED.
  • THIS STORY LACKS ANY HINT OF THE CLEANSING OF BRUTALS, WAR OR SUCH. “ANGRY SPINSTER YELLS AT OLD DRUNK”… ZARDOZ IS DISAPPOINT.
  • NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! ZARDOZ IS PLEASED.
  • WELL, IT APPEARS ZARDOZ HAS FOUND SOME BRUTALS HE WILL NOT RECRUIT INTO THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. HOW CAN YOU USE “LIVE AMMUNITION” AND YET “NO INJURIES WERE REPORTED.” MAYBE THE BRUTALS IN CHICAGO SHOULD FOLLOW THIS EXAMPLE, AND RANSACK AND SET ALIGHT THEIR RULERS’ OFFICES.

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

Comments

255 responses to “ZARDOZ’S FRIDAY NIGHT LINKS”

  1. Tres Cool

    Hail Zardoz ?

    1. Tres Cool

      I mean, I hope I didnt strike a nerve .

      1. MikeS

        That was a good tune. Need to look into those guys a little more

    2. Russian Kia Drives Yusef

      I missed first, I had 2 in a row for ZardoZ links, you need a gif!
      /Tall Cans!

    3. Spudalicious

      Wow. That was the best you could do?

      1. Tres Cool

        oh, take that sobbing down to the girl’s bathroom and change your tampon

        1. Spudalicious

          “Hail Zardoz?”

          I see hand wringing.

          1. ZARDOZ

            ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS SARDONIC CHOSEN ONE. THE ONLY WRINGING SHOULD BE THAT OF BRUTALS’ NECKS! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

          2. Pope Jimbo

            hand wringing

            Are you trying to tell me that the feminists were right. That Trump has maliciously cut federal spending so much that Spud has to hand wring out his tampons?

        2. Chafed

          That’s the first I’ve heard about Spud identifying as a woman.

          1. Spudalicious

            Is it so wrong that I feel pretty once in a while?

          2. Jarflax

            and happy?

          3. Spudalicious

            Happy that I don’t have another dude grabbing my junk while I’m trying to go to sleep like Rhywun.

          4. BakedPenguin

            You could have worse roommates.

    4. Chafed

      As though there’s a choice.

      1. ZARDOZ

        ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS PERCEPTIVE CHOSEN ONE. CORRECT – ZARDOZ WILL BE HAILED… OR ELSE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  2. Jarflax

    THIS STORY LACKS ANY HINT OF THE CLEANSING OF BRUTALS, WAR OR SUCH. “ANGRY SPINSTER YELLS AT OLD DRUNK”… ZARDOZ IS DISAPPOINT.

    Every person shown in those pictures looks like they are the angry PTA parents arguing about how strict the dress code should be.

    1. straffinrun

      I give Junker credit, she is nebulous. He still shouldn’t body shame.

  3. HOW CAN YOU USE “LIVE AMMUNITION” AND YET “NO INJURIES WERE REPORTED.”

    They’re cops.

    1. Russian Kia Drives Yusef

      So, they missed

    2. Right, so numerous bystanders should have been hit!

      1. Russian Kia Drives Yusef

        Only if they were minorities…

      2. Pope Jimbo

        I doubt there were any “innocent bystanders” there.

  4. OT: Good article.

    https://areomagazine.com/2018/11/21/hunting-predators-metoo-and-the-strange-psychology-of-mob-justice/

    There is a lot of false equivalency in this piece though IMO. Due to the fact that the #metoo’ers have the cultural apparatus and the government supporting it, trying to stack that up against incels seems like a reach to me.

    1. Sean

      Huh…I would have expected a link to aerolamagazine.com…

  5. Friday night T&A.

    http://archive.is/LUI06

    Our cups runneth over.

    1. Grumbletarian

      Their cups do too.

      1. Count Potato

        As long as it’s two cup per girl.

        1. commodious spittoon

          Good call.

        2. Jimbo

          *barf*

    2. Jimbo

      Many thanks!

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Wait a minute!!!!

        You think you can just sneak back in here without saying hello?

    3. Spudalicious

      The gals in 31 and 96 will serve me nicely.

      1. prolefeed

        30 was my favorite, out of a dozen or so.

  6. straffinrun

    The SDF forces completely control Hajin following violent firefights that drove out the Islamic fighters.

    The SDF are Zorastrians?

    1. Tres Cool

      +1 rose-water ritual

  7. My wife finally said she was not going to host this year. I was thrilled and told her we would find ways to make it special for us and our son.

    My wife’s family is somewhat similar, and it makes this time of year hard for her. The single closest time I came to not marrying her was after the first year I spent doing Christmas with her family. Her dad’s side of the family is very manipulative and tries everything to get a few more hours with everybody, no matter what they say.

    This year, my FIL has been giving a full on guilt trip that were not flying to TX for Christmas, trying to play my wife’s sisters against her and telling people that we’d be there.

    Thankfully, since we moved out here to VA the frequency and severity of this bullshit has drastically decreased.

    I hate, with the fire of 1000 suns, when family tries to make you feel obligated to do something. It’s the exact opposite of what family should be.

    1. straffinrun

      Which is exactly why I spent 4 decades fostering my image as the relative that DGAF.

    2. commodious spittoon

      This makes no sense to me at all. My family is amicable but not especially close, so the thought of making visits imperative is totally foreign.

      1. Same here. It was quite a learning curve. Honestly, some of the manipulation went over my head for a while. My family is genuinely happy whenever we visit, and they never bother us about visiting, except to say that they miss us and want to see us again soon.

        Her family is a web of obligation, hurt feelings, and drama. “I’m so sad that you’re [insert issue of the day here]” “Oh, it’s too bad that you’re not [insert issue here]” “Remember when I gave you that coffee table? It’s too bad that you can’t make it to [last minute event]”

    3. My mom had it in for her sister, to the point that they rarely talked in the decade or so before mom got dementia. Their eldest brother’s funeral was all about the Mom thinking her sister was trying to make herself look better than Mom in everybody else’s eyes, and Mom trying to one-up that. I have no idea what my aunt felt.

      1. Jimbo

        And here I always thought my family was weird. Thanks for putting it all in perspective.

    4. Tulip

      My family always pulls that crap on me. It makes me less likely to do what they want.

  8. straffinrun

    Francois Mitterand, the French president at the time, memorably described Mrs Thatcher as having the ‘eyes of Caligula and the lips of Marilyn Monroe’.

    Go on…

    1. Spudalicious

      Uhhh, yuck.

      1. Jimbo

        Rule 34, ftw.

  9. Hyperion

    For some reason, I am envisioning a scene of DiFi on the floor of Congress, holding up a Jingle Guns poster on her left and an AR-15 on her right.

  10. Count Potato

    I vaping this new orange marmalade juice. It actually tastes like it is made from bitter oranges.

    Anyway, has anyone noticed that you can no longer find jars of lemon zest? The hippy food store used to sell lemon, orange, and grapefruit zest. Now, they don’t even sell lemon.

    I don’t know what happened, but I blame the government.

    1. Jimbo

      Blame millennials, the go-to excuse.

    1. straffinrun

      Was it really cold outside, or was Montalban lying? This Corinthian leather feels like Naugahyde.

    1. Gordilocks

      This guy sounds like a ‘VolCel’ who was actually legitimizing ‘InCel’.

      Never trust anyone with a messiah complex.

    2. Sir Digby’s Contrabulous Faptraption

      Not sure how you arrived at that… Is it that he’s admitting that he made mistakes 20-odd years ago? I’ll admit that I’m curious as to how/why that is in USA Today, but, It IS something that’s been talked about in some circles.

      For the record, I read the book when it came out. I don’t recall seeing the issues that he claims are in the book. Then again, if he wrote it, he knows what he intended.

      1. Sir Digby’s Contrabulous Faptraption

        That was for Q…But, I s’pose it could apply to Gord, too.

  11. Gordilocks

    Someone surely posted about this earlier this week, but if not, Vermont Man making the Christmas Deco ‘Lit’ this year –

    https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/2018/12/06/westford-vermont-permit-dispute-leads-middle-finger-public-artwork-sculpture/2226186002/

    1. Count Potato

      No idea what that has to do with Christmas, though.

      1. Gordilocks

        This time of year people typically light things up on their front lawns?

  12. Not enough to get folks kicked off patreon, but also trying to shut down alternatives (again….I can’t remember what the issue was that killed hatreon last year): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXRx98gpuRY

    On the other hand, a consolidated effort to connect (if not a formal merger) between Minds, Gab, Bitchute, SubscribeStar, etc is a better way forward – but you still need “actual” forms of payment for most folks to subscribe – cryptos are too complicated for the normies (including me there).

    I’m not shutting down my patreon account since there are too many folks I support through it – I’m not going to give up supporting other folks as a result – particularly if they don’t have alternatives or nearly the number of subs/fanbase – but it’s grating nonetheless.

    1. Gordilocks

      Hey Fish, I killed my Twitter account.

      My handle at ProtonMail.

      1. Too bad – I have gab, minds, etc….but I only ever log in when I have a new vid to post….which is pretty much never right now. Creative switch just flicked off last month and I’m just focused on watching/reading/etc…not sure when I’ll get another review out….hopefully interest will re-develop next year, always seems cyclical with me, but I just have too much stuff going on right now between my normal job, reserve stuff and things I want to do locally.

    2. straffinrun

      Patreon takes 10% I believe. As bad as payday loans.

      1. Pretty sure it’s a lot less than that unless something changed recently. Might have been 5% IIRC. Even so, it’s a legit source of income for folks.

        1. straffinrun

          I’m listening to this right now. She says it’s 5% for processing and 5% for Patreon. So 10% total.
          https://tomwoods.com/ep-1305-bitcoin-vs-social-media-purges/

          1. From terms of use: https://www.patreon.com/legal

            “Our fee to process transactions on your behalf is 5% of processed pledges. Separate payment processing fees vary based on the pledge amount, but are typically under 5% of the total amount we process for you process across all patrons. Depending on your patrons’ locations, some banks may charge your patron a 3% foreign transaction fee for their pledge, which will be assessed in addition to the pledge amount. Patreon does not control this charge.”

            VAT, etc may be extra depending on location.

          2. So, the processing fee is probably from the monthly roll-up of all the subscribers (ie. I’m subscribed to 10 people – it’s a one time %, not per creator) – but it’s a fraction of the total, not of each subscription.

          3. straffinrun

            Thanks. I was too lazy to figure out exactly how she got that 10% figure.

    3. CPRM

      And bless you for that. Them taking a cut is better than me making nothing.

  13. Playa Manhattan

    Tempura night! Anything goes!

    1. straffinrun

      Shiso tempura is yummy. What are you making?

      1. Playa Manhattan

        We just passed shrimp #30. Looks like it’s the favorite.

        1. straffinrun

          If done right, shrimp tempura is always a hit with wypipo. Put it one a bowl of rice and make tempura-don. Sad, but YOU people can’t appreciate a plain bowl of rice.

          1. Ownbestenemy

            Speak for yourself…us that actually grew up poor know the significance of rice and its affordability while filling our bellies

          2. straffinrun

            I’m generalizing, to be sure. I’ve seen many tourists pouring soy sauce over the bowl of rice that comes with a set menu dinner. The Japanese don’t regret Pearl Harbor when we do that.

          3. SoberPhobic

            Rice needs flavor. I need salt

          4. straffinrun

            That’s why you serve Tempura on a bowl of rice. That is acceptable. Only soy sauce? They see that as a giant middle finger to the farmer who tries to make it good enough to eat without toppings.

          5. Spudalicious

            I like plain white rice. I also like white rice with soy sauce. And I like fried rice. See how multicultural I am?

          6. Rhywun

            Jasmine rice cooked in chicken broth FTW.

          7. Jarflax

            After spending over an hour waiting for the Japanese tourists to get done taking selfies at the view point for Mammoth Springs so I could actually get in and see the springs I find myself unmoved by their anger. It would have been ok if even one of the dozen people had been looking at/photographing the springs, but all were busy making goofy faces and poses for their cameras.

          8. straffinrun

            White rice is too broad a term. I’m Talking about Uruchi mai (Japanese white rice). It doesn’t need a topping.

          9. Rice with soy sauce is the only proper way.

            Objective truth hurts.

          10. straffinrun

            Yummy. A mouthful of soy sauce. That’s all you’ll taste if you pour it over rice.

          11. CPRM

            Rice is disgusting and should be cleansed from the earth. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN

          12. Damn right. I’m not ashamed to admit that I drink soy sauce from the bottle sometimes.

          13. Spudalicious

            Look at the rice snob up in here.

            Pounded a pile of sushi for lunch. The chef spends more time on his rice than anything else. And we got his last yellowtail collar

          14. straffinrun

            I realize I’m being a dick. *Shrugs* My refusal to drink any wine over $50 means I’m not snob.

          15. Legit question: What’s the best sake widely available in the US?

          16. Spudalicious

            I didn’t realize you were being a dick. Let me know if I should be offended and I’ll try and work myself up.

          17. straffinrun

            Got me. My favorite here is Hakkaisan. Made in Niigata which is famous for it’s (are you ready?) delicious rice. I prefer dry, served hot.

          18. Jarflax

            I’m fond of the house sake at whatever that sushi place on the Vegas strip was where my friends convinced me wasabi was guacamole. The staff absolutely did not understand the words water, soda, milk or beer, but they knew sake! The chef was decidedly impressed when I chugged carafe after carafe. I am still missing time from that afternoon.

          19. Spudalicious

            That’s kind of like asking what’s the best beer. One brand you can look for is Hakuryu.

          20. Sensei

            Furikake – (The kind you can mention in polite company.)

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furikake

          21. straffinrun

            The Pope and Sensei (you’re still a dick for making us call you that) get it. It’s the Asian version of ketchup on steak. Furikake is fine because it has a complex flavor to it. Still, I wouldn’t put it on high quality rice.

          22. Playa Manhattan

            Yeah, but that rice is seasoned, unlike Straff’s ideal rice.

          23. Pope Jimbo

            I hate eating at Korean/Japanese restaurants with my wife. They bring her a bowl of the good clumpy rice and then look at my shitlord ass and bring me a shit bowl of minute rice.

            When it happens, I am just as uppity as any SJW who has had their gender assumed. I make them get me a bowl of the good rice.

            In our house we laugh because of the food choices we have made. If you ask me to pick out the rice at the asian market or ask my wife to choose the cheese at the supermarket we both randomly pick something. Neither of us has any idea why the other would think it acceptable to buy that rice/cheese for dinner.

            All of that said, I am with Straffin on this one. If you have good rice, you don’t need soy sauce on it. Of course, I am usually cheating and putting a big piece of kimchi on top of my bowl of rice.

          24. CPRM

            good rice

            Does not exist.

          25. Pope Jimbo

            Look CPRM, I won’t try to lecture your Wisconsin ass on the fact that paint thinner is not meant to drink, and you can shut up about rice.

            The rice I grew up on as a kid in NW Minnesoda is as different from what I eat now as night from day.

            To use something you are familiar with. If someone grew up only eating single wrapped “cheese product” and tried to tell you that cheese sucked, you wouldn’t believe them.

            The crap you’ve been eating is the “cheese product” of rice. My wife still can’t believe anyone would buy any of the rice she sees in the supermarket.

          26. CPRM

            If you’re talking ‘wild rice’ common to Wisconsin and Minnesota, that isn’t actually rice. It’s a member of the grass family.

    2. Count Potato

      My favorite tempura is sweet potato.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        That doesn’t have meat in it.

        1. Count Potato

          Neither did the beans I ate for dinner.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Except for the bacon base.

    1. Count Potato

      I gave up after 90 seconds.

    2. SoberPhobic

      That is hilarious.

  14. Russian Kia Drives Yusef

    Steven Maturin was Not, a very nice person

    1. Jarflax

      He was the soul of kindness and tolerance except when he ran out of laudanum or coca.

      1. Tres Cool

        Sounds like a great combo breaker. I’ll have two.

        1. Spudalicious

          OLD school speedball.

    1. Rebel Scum

      From the same guy: Being a Social Justice Warrior

      1. Ownbestenemy

        It’s like I take on the virtues of cancer….that’s a good line

    2. Ownbestenemy

      That is great. Some people still get it

    3. straffinrun

      The original title was Baby I Came Inside?

      1. Rhywun

        …And I Didn’t Even Ask For Consent

        1. I think that’s a category on pornhub.

          1. commodious spittoon

            “I Came Baby Inside”

          2. Pope Jimbo

            Fuck last time I googled “baby batter” for some pr0n, I got some weird videos of a guy beating the shit out of toddlers. Not at all what I was looking for.

          3. Jarflax

            see the comment immediately above yours.

          4. Chafed

            If it wasn’t before then it is now.

    1. Spudalicious

      Beatle music playing in the background.

    2. CPRM

      So closet gays, which slate hates and we’re ‘meh’ about. We are so damned intolerant.

    3. Rhywun

      I crashed at an acquaintance’s house after a party once and he popped in a video and went at it while I was trying to fall asleep on the couch. I was not amused.

      1. Spudalicious

        The volume was too high?

        1. Jarflax

          Spud he clearly said he was trying to go to sleep don’t you hate it when your acquaintances grab your junk and go to town on you when all you want is to sleep?

          1. Spudalicious

            That’s why I asked. It pisses me off when I’m trying to go to sleep and the volume is turned up.

          2. Spudalicious

            Oh wait, I missed the important part. Yeah, don’t grab my junk when I’m trying to go to sleep.

          3. Rhywun

            LOL he was going solo… I wasn’t all that attracted to him but I suppose in my state at the time I wouldn’t have minded a little fun.

          4. commodious spittoon

            Especially when she’s crying and shouting about how I always get too drunk, and we haven’t had sex in months, and why am I like this… Oh, uh. Yeah, that’s the worst.

        2. Pope Jimbo

          Volume? How much? A table spoon, a cup, a pint? How much jizz is too high volume when you are trying to sleep?

          1. Spudalicious

            An angle I hadn’t comtemplated.

  15. Spudalicious

    I guess I’m lucky. My family is pretty much drama free. When we can get together, it involves good food, good booze and shooting the shit. Yeah that’s pretty much it.

    1. Ownbestenemy

      That’s my family too. We spar about politics but in the end we laugh knowing that which ever side we fall on we are screwed.

    1. straffinrun

      That GIF is gonna give Winston a seizure.

    2. CPRM

      They won’t let me read that story, I keep getting redirected to other stories. Prabably ad blocker related, so fuck them. I mean I’m fine with ads, but by *** most ad systems render sites unreadable. It’s really sad we’ve been internetting this long and sites still can’t work properly with ads running.

      1. Jarflax

        Overlays, sliding bars that cover the article text, autoplay video, with screeching audio you cannot find to turn off, ads that op up and move the text you were reading, any of these is an instant close for me, regardless of the content. When news sites have more intrusive ads than porn sites something is wrong with our world.

      1. CPRM

        Yeah, John Roberts knows CPR.

      2. Rhywun

        Cue fans of the 9th Circuit claiming that district judges can’t make national decisions….

    3. Raphael

      I only hope more follow that judge.

      1. straffinrun

        C’mon, man. Set these guys straight on how to eat rice. You’re close enough in Aomori to get the good stuff.

        1. Spudalicious

          How to eat rice? Covered with a pile of Vietnamese grilled pork and a side of pickled daikon and carrots. Don’t forget the sauce.

  16. Tres Cool

    Just in case ya’all need some funk in yo’ trunk, and as an homage to Aminal’s well-written firearms articles, try a Double-Barrel

  17. CPRM

    Since I got the email about one of my jobs having an ugly sweater contest THIS SONG (by The Pimps/ The Goodyear Pimps) has been stuck in my damn head.

    1. CPRM

      Novi, Michigan

      Ok, this either evidence we live in a simulation, or Sam Raimi named Dr. Novi after a town in Michigan. Since the latter is so unlikely, we live in simulation *BAM* science!

      1. hoof_in_mouth

        He went to MSU, he knew of Novi

      2. The Last American Hero

        Fun fact, it’s named because it was the number six stop on the rail line.

    2. commodious spittoon

      Chrrrrrrist. Lady, you had kids. FFS.

      1. BakedPenguin

        That pretty much what I thought.

        1. commodious spittoon

          There’s some needy negligence there. Like a reverse Munchhausen syndrome, the kids couldn’t compete with mommy’s self-involvement.

          1. cyto

            Or she was suffering from bipolar disorder all along and being home alone with bad vision pushed her into a deep depression….

            My default position on all of these things (bath salts face-eat guy, school shooting guy, drive car into crowd guy…) is that mentally ill dude is gonna do mentally ill dude stuff. Everyone always wants to blame something else – drugs, guns, racism, religion – but at the end of the day there are 350 million Americans, which means there’s gonna be a whole lot of crazy people running around doing crazy people things.

    3. CPRM

      *Makes a brand new tinfoil hat, realizes it’s all aluminum foil now, those BASTARDS!*

      1. Jarflax

        *laughs at the NSA puppet amateur from within his fullbody Faraday cage.

    1. Spudalicious

      Fat.

      1. The preferred terminology is “healthy at any size”.

        1. commodious spittoon

          But attractive at sizes much less than that.

        2. Jarflax

          Consequences are a tool of the patriarchy. The Gods of the Copybook Headings will be returning with terror and slaughter any day now.

        3. Rebel Scum

          preferred terminology

          You mean ‘PC’ terminology.

          1. Spudalicious

            Q can is a proggy.

        4. J. Frank Parnell

          Nah, I’m pretty sure “healthy at any size” has been deemed shitlordy for implying that fat people have a duty to be healthy in order to justify their existence.

    2. CPRM

      I don’t usually wade in on your perversions, but it you got an ass that big the top should balance it out. Like me, I got a big ass and big moobs.

      1. straffinrun

        Normal faces on fat bodies give me the creeps.

        1. CPRM

          Faces on people who looked fine while fat and look sick when *at the correct weight* is fucking disturbing, like people should look like frail sick animals.

          1. commodious spittoon

            GAUNT IS SEXY, SHITLORD

          2. Jarflax

            Skin is imperfectly elastic, and gets worse with age and extreme weight gain/loss. Comes a point where your poor choices mark you regardless of how well you fix them.

          3. CPRM

            I’m not talking about age, I’m talking about friends in their early 20s who looked good, but ‘overweight’ and then lost got thin and looked like gaunt freaks because their frame was built to accommodate their weight. And they just always looked sick at ‘the correct’ weight.

          4. straffinrun

            Fat does seem to hide fucked up bone structures. It’s like washing your clunker. May as well leave it dirty and people may think it could clean up well.

          5. Pope Jimbo

            washing your clunker

            You Wisconsin heathen will use any excuse to avoid showering/bathing won’t you.

          6. straffinrun

            Gross, but I love not showering for 2 or 3 days.

    3. Jimbo

      To my everlasting shame, I would.

    4. Tres Cool

      *swoons

      (she’s kinda waifish for my tastes)

      1. commodious spittoon

        Is there a weight you don’t find sexy?

        1. Tres Cool

          <150 lbs

          1. commodious spittoon

            I meant upper bound!

            But seriously, you wouldn’t fuck a fit 5′ 6 chick?

          2. Jarflax

            No but if she was 5’0 150 he might

          3. commodious spittoon

            Aw, I miss my ex. Not her weight. But she was super involved.

    5. Rebel Scum

      So you’re saying that Demi Rose let herself go.

    6. PieInTheSky

      Ewww

    7. Festus

      Yeah, that’s just a fat chick that throws her drink in your face when you want to come on to her prettier, non-fat friend. No thankee.

    1. Jarflax

      so very wrong

    2. commodious spittoon

      Breathless laughing. Oh God.

    3. CPRM

      Highly enjoyable, where can I donate to cause?

    4. Tres Cool

      Yo, that shit be dope af

    5. Rhywun

      The mouse in the outlet SMDH

      1. commodious spittoon

        World’s tiniest and cutest mounted head.

      2. Heroic Mulatto

        That was my favorite part.

    6. Sensei

      OT: I just built a new AMD 2700X rig. You’ll be happy to note that Noctua makes fans that don’t look like they are straight out of 1977.

      https://noctua.at/en/products/fan/chromax

      Case only. My CPU still has the wonderful beige look. Works for me as no window or cares about LEDs, but I don’t have to see beige fans through the grills.

      1. Tres Cool

        …I thought that was a car
        /sadx

        1. Sensei

          A while ago HM mentioned he discovered them as well. I’ve been using them for probably at least close to 10 years.

          But I’d rather be talking about a classic car too. However, even my relatively high end PC is just a bit cheaper and easier to fix.

          1. straffinrun

            OT: You should change your handle to 茶茶. “Tea” “Cha”.

      2. Heroic Mulatto

        Hey, I’m straight out of 1977!

    7. straffinrun

      Excellent. Is it reverse? That’s the way I do it.

  18. mindyourbusiness

    When you get a chance, head over to Quilette and read, “I Now Understand How Nelson Mandela Felt” by that noted SJW writer, Titania McGrath.

    TW: May cause severe dislocation of ribs.

    1. Raston Bot

      Superb work.

    2. Tres Cool

      Stop pimping her her out. It was covered over the past 3 lynx.
      You just need moar Stanhope, shun

    3. Akira

      Haha yep. Saw that shit this morning. Almost blasted potato and cheese frittata through my nose.

      1. Lackadaisical

        I read it just now. Very boring, SJWs are killing comedy because it’s impossible to satirize them without it being so close to the truth.

        1. PieInTheSky

          You are just using your privilige to opress poor Tit MG by saying that

    4. Chafed

      Holy cow that was funny.

  19. Raston Bot

    Oafie with back-to-back hatties. Milbury called him the greatest goal scorer to lace up skates.

    https://russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2018/12/12/mike-milbury-thinks-alex-ovechkin-is-the-best-goal-scorer-that-ever-laced-on-a-pair-of-skates/

  20. Brochettaward

    That judge in Texas has some brass balls.

  21. Festus

    OT – I was unkind to Don in a previous thread. I was in my cups and feel kinda shitty about it even though he seemed to shrug it off. How many orphans for recompense?

    1. Lackadaisical

      Don will be fine, he’s a big boy, so I’d say none for the insult, but a significant fine on your gold hoard due to feeling bad now.

    2. Spudalicious

      Left nut?

      1. Festus

        But it’s my Fave!

      2. Chafed

        Jesus. It was unkind words not an honor killing.

        1. Festus

          I like you people therefore I seek to not offend any of you. When I pull a boner I don’t like to do it in the town square, as it were. (NTTAWRT)

    3. Brochettaward

      Never apologize.

    4. PieInTheSky

      in my cups? What is this a George RR Martin novel?

      1. Spudalicious

        Kilroy, ftw.

  22. PieInTheSky

    Good morning presumably drunk glibs

    1. Akira

      Mornin’… Sipping on a Broken Trolley Ale (“Blonde Ale with Blood Orange Added”) by Dayton Beer Company. Pretty damn tasty.

      1. PieInTheSky

        It is cold and snowing outside. This is a time for red wine not beer

    2. Chafed

      Does presumably mean definitely?

    3. Spudalicious

      Morning, Pie. Minutes from unconsciousness.

    4. Rhywun

      Workin’ on it.

      1. Chafed

        Speaking of working… how is your job search going?

        1. Rhywun

          Eeew I don’t want to think about that now… I am starting to work with some career agency that my last employer paid for. Mostly it’s to kick me in the ass but there are some really good tips in there too. We’ll see how it goes. No worries tks for asking

          1. Chafed

            Shouldn’t have brought it up while you were getting your drunk on.

          2. Rhywun

            Ha that’s all right

    5. commodious spittoon

      Nearly finished off a bottle of Seagram’s finest gin. Not because I wanted to. I’d have gone to bed an hour ago. But because I feel compelled

      1. commodious spittoon

        Sometimes one needs to climb the mountain of gin to walk the road of sobriety.

        1. Rhywun

          I don’t care if it’s an old wives’ tale but gin gives me the worst fucking hangovers.

        2. Chafed

          Sounds like a rocky road.

      2. PieInTheSky

        I have sadly developed a taste for gin recently. and martins.

        1. Festus

          Martins? Steve or Dean? Or Don? Forget it, this Romanian wish fulfilment pron is too much for me.

        2. commodious spittoon

          Do you know of this guy? I may have asked you about him back when I had Twitter ages ago. I think I followed him. He talks about Communism and Romania some.

        3. But Enough About Me

          “I’ll have a martinus.”
          “Don’t you mean ‘martini’?”
          “Look,if I want more than one, I’ll ask.”

      3. Festus

        “Those last four cans o’ beer ain’t gonna drink themselves!” he said and willed the clock backwards on a Sunday night.

        1. commodious spittoon

          I’m fucking drunk and drowsing to my pathos playlist. I got no love in my life, man. It’s all inspirational sadness.

          1. Rhywun

            Like tears in rain.

          2. commodious spittoon

            I have seen things you people wouldn’t… find remotely interesting.

          3. commodious spittoon

            My main worry is that I finish off this bottle and I have all the concentration that I do now. I think that may be a sign of a real drinking problem. I may have to spend more to get proper drunk.

          4. Festus

            Put that inspirational sadness to work for you! Paint a poem! Write the Great American Sculpture! Ask a pretty girl about her hair high-lights. The world is your oyster!

          5. commodious spittoon

            There was this girl at jury duty this week, she was a ways away from me, right, and I’m no flirt, but we caught eyes at one point, but I was reading my book, and next thing I know there she is, this same girl, now she’s sitting in the next row in front of me, I could shake her hand without crooking my elbow too much, but man, I couldn’t even bring myself to acknowledge her, I’m so anxious I’m stuffing my nose in my book, and when we’re finally called up to the courtroom, I’m wondering whether I’m such a narcissist that I figured she sat in front of me expecting I might hit on her, or if I’m such a loser that I invented the whole scenario from whole cloth.

          6. Lackadaisical

            Just say something to her. As someone who suffered from the same problem as you, except that I am devilishly handsome of course, the worst that can happen is that you strike out.

          7. Festus

            I’ve always been plagued by anxiety except for an ability to flirt with the ladies. My moods are as unpredictable as the shower taps in a $20 motel room. That’s why I don’t Xmas no more. This is also why I post here..

    1. Festus

      404. Fucking Trudeau…

      1. Gustave Lytton
  23. Ownbestenemy

    late..but word of wisdom given to my spawns:
    A baby’s arm holding an apple = large penis
    Smack bottom = ass whooping
    Don’t say big boobs..say tight o’ bitties
    Never miss an opportunity to open a door or pull out a chair for a lady.
    A lady is not the girl who gives it up for free.
    You are 17…don’t fuck up her life by not being safe.
    While I have my favorite, you are all subject to the same rules.
    Life isn’t fair and for fucks sake…don’t be a patsy

    1. Lackadaisical

      BODY BUILDER’S ARM HOLDING CANTALOUPE=STEVE SMITH

      1. Festus

        STEVE SMITH HOLD BOTH CANTALOUPE AND BODY BUILDER AT SAME TIME! STEVE SMITH SAY CAN’T ELOPE! STEVE SMITH GIVE RING. AND BY GIVE RING MEAN….

  24. Ownbestenemy

    Someone should inform the media that the Chief Justice of the USSC stated there are no partisian judges. Apparently the media is reporting that it was a “conservative” judge who struck down the Obamacare….shocked face

    1. Festus

      A “non-partisan” court system left the room some years ago and left a rancid fart in its wake. Who the fuck are they they trying to kid? I haven’t seen such a collection of broomsticks and bitch forks when Kavanaugh was affirmed since whenever. I don’t remember the tea party storming the doors, scritching at them in futile rage when the “Wise Latina” gained her seat.