Time to move up the level of difficulty to making something that has a couple more steps… wine. While you can harvest your own grapes, and crush them yourself, in the modern day it’s usually easier to buy a wine kit. You can find kits for making 1 gallon batches or 6 gallon batches. These kits will come with everything you need to make a batch of wine (including a dry yeast packet). The kits will come with a plastic bladder full of grape juice concentrate, which you’ll put into a bucket (or carboy), and mix with warm water to get up to your total volume. Then you stir, and stir some more, and keep stirring to make sure that everything is mixed well. Your kit may come with some packets of items to be added in at this time (wood chips are common), follow your kit instructions here. At this point, you can take a sample and measure your gravity (if you want to know the starting gravity), check the temperature (to make sure the yeast won’t die), and pitch the yeast.
After a couple of weeks, the primary fermentation is done. At this point we want to minimize contact with oxygen, so we’ll move it from the bucket into a 6 gallon carboy. Use a sanitized siphon to move it over, and add any additions that your wine kit say to add. Then put on an airlock, and let it sit for another couple of weeks. Once fermentation is done (check this with your hydrometer), the final gravity will generally be below 1.000.
Now, fermentation should be complete, but we’re not done yet. Next we need to clarify it and degas it. Yeast breaks down sugar into alcohol and CO2, depending on the ambient temperature, some amount of that CO2 will have been absorbed by your wine. Most styles of wine do not have carbonation, so we need to do something to get that gas out. You can either take up more stirring (over 5 minutes, go ahead, count it out) or you can use a degassing wand. These labor saving tools go into your drill, and make degassing much easier. For clarifying, your kit will most likely have a couple of packets that need to be added in a certain order. Follow the instructions (or if you’re really patient, you can wait and the wine will eventually drop clear) with your kit (side note for those who are vegetarian, keep in mind the clarifying agent is where you may find animal products).
Back to waiting for a couple of weeks (or as your kit says) for the clarifying agents to work their magic. Now, you just need to carefully siphon of the wine into bottles (without stirring up that layer of sediment at the bottom), and cork or cap them. If you corked them, stand them up for 3-4 days for the corks to seal, then you can store them on their side. At this point, you’re done and will have around 30 bottles of wine (assuming a 6 gallon batch and standard 750 mL bottles).
Sorry for the lack of recipes this time around. The only non-kit wine I’ve made is beyond the level that I’ve gotten to in these tales. But if you want to follow it, you can find it here.
I mentioned to a friend that I’m looking at retiring around the Blue Ridge either side of the NC/VA line. He asked if I planned on setting up a still.
Well, are you?
A gentleman never tells.
Juris is a gentleman?
Hey, I was enjoying the joke.
Is anybody here a gentleman?
Other than STEVE SMITH, of course.
In this hypothetical, how many drinks have I had?
There are several here by act of Congress.
I’m not saying I am, but a lot of the properties I’m looking at just happen to have plenty of woods and good springs.
you need the proper type of plum
You have a recipe for slivovitz?
Sweet Cherry Wine https://youtu.be/xDqOTCNN4Vk
Thunderbird Wine https://youtu.be/0lt2qJHrUd0
A whole lotta Fenders. Old guys rocking out to a great jangly noisy song. Days of Wine and Roses https://youtu.be/1tuU7MC_Qi8
Here’s the half hillbilly, old guy example:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYqD839y6G0
You know who else gave instructions to be followed?
IKEA?
Pretty sure IKEA instructions are actually just trolling.
Moses?
Julia Childs?
Oh I know, that dominatrix I hired.
Lycurgus?
Me?
So this gal I dated for awhile once gave me seven envelopes, one for each day of the week and each one had different instructions on…oh wait, I forgot this is a Family Friendly site. Sorry.
Truckee Fruitcake or Sky Slut?
The one that wanted you to taste the duck she had on New Year’s Eve.
Oh my. You’re lucky to have survived.
She was, uh, enthusiastic.
She was, uh, nuts.
The Founding Fathers?
Larry LaPrise?
Annals of good government, Jersey style.
For the record, they weren’t fighting as a team.
Can they can him the way Kareem Hunt was fired?
Only can one of them? That would make sense for Jersey.
What an embarrassment.
Hmmm. Buying a collection of books for my granddaughter. I forgot how expensive children’s books are, geez. They go from 10-25 bucks. That adds up quickly.
The little red hen
The ant and the grasshopper
The boy who cried wolf
The rainbow fish
The tortoise and the hare
The snowy day
The highway rat
Andrew Henry’s meadow
Chicken Little
Any other suggestions?
I better get busy. I want to build a small reading desk/bookshelf for her as well. I am thinking 30-36 inches wide with a drawer in place of the bottom shelf and the top three shelves covered by a fold down table top. No more than 48 inches tall. Yellow poplar or red oak. Poplar is a lot lighter. I’ll have to draw it out to see if that works. Now I have to look around and see about a chair her size.
Age?
She is 3-1/2 and demands that her mother read her a book every night before sleep.
As long as OMWC isnt around it is probably safe
https://postimg.cc/w3ctCgx7
It is kind of surreal…she is a dead ringer for my grandmother. No exaggeration, if you had the two of them that age in the same room you would think they are identical twins.
Anything by Eric Carle. http://www.eric-carle.com/home.html
My kids loved his stuff.
Yup. All good choices.
The Hat and the Hair?
Richard Scarry’s “Busy Busy World “, “Busy Busy Town”, “What Do People Do All Day?”
+1,000 Lowly Worm
Anything and everything by Richard Scarry.
Blueberries for Sal
Mike Mulligan and His Steamshovel – of course
Agree with Mike Mulligan. One of my favorite books.
A Dr. Seuss collection and a Little Golden Books collection.
Get them on eBay and Amazon. Most used books can be had for a fraction of the new price. Or rummage sales, used book stores, flea markets…You can usually find books that look brand new.
I absolutely despise The Rainbow Fish, but it is a pretty book.
I am a little iffy on that one myself. I may change my mind after I get it.
Bill Peet’s hilarious and heartwarming “Smokey”.
And for the parents:
Now Go the Fuck to Sleep
.pdf available on the web
I forgot about that one. That is a must.
Everybody Poops
Unless they are Catholic, then he’ll want; You’re a Naughty Child And That’s Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You
A Puppy named GIH
My brothers and I alway loved anything by Bill Peet. We probably signed out every book he wrote from our local library about a dozen times. Cool artwork and interesting stories. No agenda.
From Wikipedia:
My kid is only interested in Harbor Freight catalogs. He’s 6.
That is sweet. If you need a babysitter, let me know. #NoPedo
Get a good Dr. Seuss. And when you do The Lorax, point out how it’s about the tragedy of the commons.
Write your own. I’m not kidding. I’ve told my kid a bedtime story every night since she was a baby. I make them up on the spot. She always comes in an pulls me away from the morning (my evening) lynx. “Papa, tell me a story.” At first I’d just make a variation of Shakespeare, but now, after 8 years of practice, I can whip one out of whole cloth. *Disclaimer-she is usually asleep within 5 minutes, but I finish anyways cuz the wife is listening from the next room.
“Any other suggestions?”
Buy them used.
Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach?
Listen to the Samuel L Jackson version too. Seriously.
Gah! Missed it up above.
Good for any age, and probably comes cheap.
I notice the tOSU contingent seems to be laying low right now. C’mon, New Years Day in Pasadena isn’t that bad.
I was hoping Utah would join them. My town gets packed with visiting Rose Bowl fans, so they may as well be hot chicks.
So in 1972, about a year after we moved to Napa, my dad brought home a small home winemaking kit for “Cold Duck”. For those of you too young to fortunately not know what that was, it was a cheap, sparkling rose’.
So we followed the instructions to a “t”, and bottled it when it was done. After letting it rest the appropriate amount of time, we had a big family celebration to uncork a couple of bottles.
It was one of the most ungodly horrible things I’ve ever tasted. I mean it was BAD with absolutely no redeeming qualities, other than it had bubbles.
The remaining four bottles became decorations on the back bar. They sat there for 25 years.
My parents used to make cold duck. They stored it in the cedar closet.
Andre’ Cold Duck used to be the family celebration sparkler. I got to open the bottles. They had a plastic cork that would shoot about 20 feet.
Holy crap! They’re still in business! Cold Duck has gone all the way up to $6.49 a bottle.
I always thought that stuff was made with fruit juice, grain alcohol and then pressurized in a giant soda stream machine. At $6.49 per bottle they are probably making a killing.
My parents bought it because it was three bottles for $5.
Thank god the Napa Valley had a significant impact on them over the years.
One of the bachelor parties I went to had a family tradition of making the bachelor drink a bottle of Cold Duck before the festivities started. For this one, the family bought several bottles, and brought them onto the rented bus. Sweet Cheebus that stuff was terrible. I understand why the bachelor tried to ditch his dad at one bar when he stepped outside to urinate.
Worse than you-know-what from the Jura? (can’t remember if you were there that evening)
Alternately: worse than Coturri?
Think sparkling Mondeuse, and not a drinkable Mondeuse.
Oh my, you’re lucky to have survived that.
I make a few gallons every year from my muscadines. My process and recipe is no where near as sophisticated as some I have read here. I mash up 1-1/2 gallons of muscadines in the bottom of a five gallon bucket. I pour in 2 gallons of distilled water, slosh it around then strain it through a sieve into another five gallon bucket. I then dump in 2 more gallons of distilled water and 8lbs of sugar. I warm the yeast in a little water and stir that in with a wooden paint stir stick. Then I funnel it into the empty bottles the distilled water came in, put a balloon on the mouth of the bottles and set in on the floor in one of the extra bedrooms. Three months later – Wine. I have only ever had one batch go bad and I couldn’t figure out why until my wife reminded me that it was made with cooked muscadines. I had forgotten that. Other than that the wine always turns out pretty good. Very sweet, but good and carries a pretty good kick if you drink it. We dont, we just cook with it.
Sounds a lot like how my Dad made fruit wines, he learned from an old friend of his who learned from his mother. No airlocks, no carboys, no fancy sanitizers, just fruit, water, sugar, and yeast. They fermented it in screw-top gallon jugs, just backed the cap off about a quarter turn from tight. I made a couple batches when I was in school when I went to the brewers’ store to get yeast the salesman was aghast at what I told him I was going to do, he kept trying to sell me all the stuff I ‘Needed’ and telling me I “Can’t do it that way”. They would bottle it after it stopped bubbling in the jugs, and wait six months to a year before drinking.
Sounds like the Umeshu I asked about on Animal’s post. “Can’t do it that way!” is simply an invitation to do it exactly that way. Did you bring the guy a taste of your creation?
There is a lot of superstition and hokus pokus around wine making. It is really pretty simple.
I learned from my great aunt who learned it from her grandmother. From what I read the first thing the europeans did when they got here and discovered muscadines was start making wine so this simple home recipe has been here for at least 500 years.
I made a joke about drinking and screwing in the old days once to my grandfather. He didn’t laugh. With a poker face and a very matter of fact voice he said “Well, there weren’t nuthin’ else to do back then.” So, they made wine, whiskey and learned how to play a fiddle.
People were making alcohol before they even knew what yeast was. You can do things in a simpler way, but throwing a couple of dollars on equipment can prevent an infected (sour, not make you sick) batch. And honestly, most beer geeks have more growlers then they know what to do with anyways, all of which are essentially small carboys.
TBH, I’m not all that interested in making my own alcohol, but I’d love to read a glib’s take on the history of alcohol production. How they’ve subverted the state etc…
Man, that would take actual research. But some tidbits that I’ve learned over the years delving into the beer scene:
1) One of the reasons the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock was that they were low on beer.
2) The pilgrims tried to find fermentable sugars where they could. They even made acorn beer. After watching the documentary (and having several large oak trees in the backyard) I looked up the process. First, you have to crack the acorns to get the nut out, then you have to cull those that have any worms in them, then you have to roast the small nuts, then you have to grind them. IIRC, it was several pounds of acorns per pound of acorn meat. Reports from those who did it was that the beer was… not good.
3) Beer, of all the fermented drinks, is the one that may make me believe that someone was taught this. Once I get into the process of malting grain, I can’t imagine the whole process being done accidentally.
4) Alcohol (beer and whiskey) used to be used as forms of payment.
“4) Alcohol (beer and whiskey) used to be used as forms of payment.”
The primary reason that govts are so dead set on tightly regulating and taxing alcohol. They cant have an economy run without their damned fingers in the pie.
I was always a little curious about that until I found out that the primary medium of exchange in the colonies was whiskey. Cant have peasants making their own money.
Concerning 3, you’re saying beer was a revealed truth? As in another tablet that Moses didn’t make public?
It would be something I would find believable. Cider and wine just happen when you let fruit juices sit. Mead happens when you dilute honey with water. To make beer, you need to malt grains, then do a mash to convert the starches to sugars, then ferment it.
By accident doesnt seem all that far fetched to me. Grain storage spaces surely occasionally got rainwater in them. Perhaps a solution to that problem in a world where food shortage was a no-shit big problem was to dry the sprouted grains over a fire and store them again. Maybe it leaked again. After a while someone would recognize the smell of alcohol and figure out a way to refine the process.
Humans have been around for 100,000 years. Surely in that time something like that happened to someone, somewhere.
What puzzles me is how the pre-columbians never managed to stumble over the process.
Pre-Columbian Americans had alcoholic beverages. Some of them used maize (aka corn), which is a grain.
Aliens, dude.
Ok. So first night of Hanukkah. Wife requested brisket.
I got a whole USDA prime packer from Costco. I cut off the point, injected it, and let it brine for a day. I rubbed it with smoked salt, sugar, and coarse black pepper (and a touch of sodium nitrite for a fake smoke ring). It’s been in the oven uncovered in front of the convection fan since 10am this morning. 3 more hours.
Along with that, latkes.
I have no idea what the other dishes will be.
Are there any vegetables that are good cooked in beef tallow? Because I just rendered a whole bunch, and I need to do something with it.
Potatoes.
Of course. Dammit.
I’m going to fry the latkes in tallow. But…. I also need something with chlorophyl.
Brussels Sprouts.
second the Brussels sprouts. Also asparagus.
Fries? No idea if that’s kosher.
Kosher? Not a problem if my wife’s relatives aren’t here. She eats carnitas and bacon.
Roasting a big fat chicken. Salt pepper evoo paprika and cumin. Kale salad with tomatoes, green onion, shredded red cabbage, green olives, kalamata olives, pepperoncinis, feta, in a lemon/red wine vinaigrette.
Happy Hanukkah!
along with the potatoes toss in a few carrots and some onion.
I’d probably give myself an infection if I tried to handle yeast. Do enjoy drinking wine at festival. I gotta give this squat and robust people credit putting out some decent wines, whiskeys, beers. The riddle of the burger and the pizza has confounded them, however.
There’s a cream for that.
Why would you pass on the opportunity to say “ointment”? Best word in the English language.
Manure
/Costanza
“Cream” was much more euphemistic.
“Unguent.”
*golf clap*
The riddle of the burger confounds nearly every non-american I have ever met.
Hanukkah tig ole’ bitties for your enjoyment.
http://archive.is/lrVqg
#4 hoo doggy.
2, 8, 48.
Thanks Nephilium! I haven’t made wine yet, but it looks a bit easier than beer.