Come on, people. Act like you’ve been there bef…oh right. Carry on.

Cleveland Browns fans unite!  You’ve actually won a game for the first time in 635 days.  That’s not nearly as bad as this. But damn, it was a long time.  Congratulations to you. Winners on the diamond yesterday were: Oakland (who put up 21 runs!), Boston (who clinched their division!), New York (NL), Toronto (yay Canada!), Chicago (AL), Cincinnati (go big red machine), Detroit (your city is still a shithole), and Atlanta (closing in on a division as well).

There were no surprises in the Europa League games yesterday that I can think of.  Although I’m mildly surprised at how quickly Stephen Gerard (YNWA) has gotten the hang of running things at Ibrox. They’ll challenge for their league next year.

Well, what are you going to do about it, Glibby?

Today’s birthdays include: First emperor of the Ming Dynasty Hongwu, American flag designer Francis Hopkinson, brilliant writer H.G. Wells, one of the greatest animators ever Chuck Jones, American media mogul John Kluge, another cartoonist Jay Ward, musician David Cohen, actor Larry Hagman, comedian Henry Gibson, NASCAR owner Richard Childress, great writer but asshole person Stephen King, one of the five greatest comedic actors of all time Bill Murray, drummer Phil Taylor, filmmaker Ehan Coen, Japanese PM Shinzo Abe, black hockey pioneer Grant Fuhr, drummer Tyler Stewart, actress Ricki Lake, actor Luke Wilson, singer Liam Gallagher and crooked politician Samantha Power.

Its also the day on which the following happened: King Richard I was captured, Nathan Hale was arrested, Charles Tiffany founded his first jewelry store, the flashbulb was patented, Franco named Generalissimo by the fascists, “The Hobbit” was published, Perry Mason premiered, so did Adam-12, Monday Night Football premiered (and oddly enough the Browns beat the Jets that night), Belize became independent, Sandra Day O’Conner was sworn in as the first female SC justice, and the final home game in Yankee Stadium was played.

There was a lot more to today historically than yesterday.  Anyway, on to…the links!

Shove it up your ass! Literally.

I’m all for being a do-it-yourselfer. But this is ridiculous. Some of the stuff was pretty cool though. Enjoy the read, sciencey types.

Yeah, but was it at least a licensed daycare? I’ll assume it was since there was no mention one way or the other (like there was a couple days ago when an unlicensed daycare worker did something bad.  Either way: Christ, what an asshole.

Apparently we’re reaching the point where people who lob what appear to be completely unsupported allegations against others and are asked to testify about them can do so under their own set of strict rules. Rules that effectively neuter the opposing side from defending themselves properly or the people requesting the hearing from asking uncomfortable questions.  What a time to be alive!

Yeah, but at least they’re tackling the tough issues like people wearing fur and using plastic straws. In addition to the shitty air, they have to tackle a relative army of hobos and the worst housing bubble outside of Manhattan.  Good luck to the Glibs stuck in that place. You’ll need it as the downward spiral continues.

Surfing is now the official sport of California.

Speaking of stupid: Here is a list of some new laws California just passed and were signed by Governor Jerry Brown. Why?  Because people want the state to make these decisions for them, that’s why.

The prosecution has rested in the Jason Van Dyke trial. Now comes the endless stream of cops saying what a great job he did and that he should probably get a raise.  Or something like that.  Then comes the verdict…and the inevitable riots when he walks.

Was that wrong? Was I not supposed to do that? Make your judgments of the woman in the comments.  I have a feeling I know what they’ll mostly be.

I’m torn on a song today. So I’ll give everybody something.

This is for the rockers.

This is for people who were looking for the Beatles in the 90s.

And this is for the Canadians.

Go have a good day and a great weekend.  And in case you’re shopping for a teddy bear or another stuffed animal, I’ve got you covered.