It’s a pity that, “Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer” doesn’t translate into anything but gibberish in Japanese. The old fart at the coffee shop is staring at me. Normal people here look away once you bust them ogling you like Steven Gawking, but not these old guys. They’re bored and going to the coffee shop and people watching is their low cost entertainment. My initial reaction is to tell Mr. Miyagi that I don’t want to learn the crane technique and I’m glad his wife died. That is just an evil first thought, so I default to what I usually do in these situations; give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
So what possible reason could Miyagi have for this atrocious behavior? Maybe his wife really did die and his only connection to humanity is these brief moments with strangers. Maybe his eyes are shot and, while I made eye contact, he simply saw a blob of whiteness sitting across from him. Maybe he’s been fucked by a system that promised him respect after decades of busting his ass at work, but, once he retired, they changed the rules and everyone makes jokes at his expense. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t give a shit about the rules.
I just fucking hate being stared at. Let me think about that. Why? Maybe it’s because I’m a middle child with five siblings. In our family it was prison rules; if you’re staring, you wanna fight. Damn. That’s more an indictment of my faulty interpretation of the situation than it is a critique of Miyagi’s lack of social grace. Would I have gleefully accepted the gaze of a geezer 40 years later if I hadn’t been raised with psychos?
To me, the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean giving the other person a generous interpretation of their behavior. It’s about questioning the little story I’ve concocted to justify why I feel the way I do. FFS, I love the look of pretty young things when I’m the object of a crisp glance. If I was having a cup of coffee and a 7 foot 5 inch guy sat across from me, I’d probably stare, too.
I can’t say why they do it, but Japanese people tend to give you the benefit of the doubt through their reactions, if not their thoughts. Maybe they do want to kick your ass when you bump into them on the sidewalk, but a “sumimasen” flies from their lips instead. Different culture and it seems to work because they have much fewer problems in the social sphere than we do.
My brother and I were having a jolly conversation on the train a few years back. We got to his station and he got off so I made some stupid faces at him through the window as the train chugged past him on the platform. This pissed off some tiny old man on the train, and he extended his arm so his palm was an inch from my face and held it there.
Somewhat crowded train, so I couldn’t squeeze out of the way. I told him in polite Japanese to move his hand. Nope. Second warning. Nope. Finally, I snapped, grabbed his wrist and forced his arm down by his side. “Raise it again and I’m going to fucking kill you.” (No, I’m not teaching you how to say that in Japanese). He stood there quaking because my face was filled with rage.
Fuck. What am I doing? “I’m sorry. It’s dangerous to have your hand there. The train sometimes stops suddenly.” That wasn’t enough, evidently, because he was still trembling. “We were drinking and may have been talking too loudly. Sorry about that.” At that he apologized to me. By the time we arrived at my station twenty minutes later, I had seen pictures he pulled from his wallet of his wife and kids. In my hand I had his business card with the location of the izakaya he ran. We shook hands as I got off the train.
When I was walking to the escalator a 20 something kid I tapped me on the forearm. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Good job.” He’d seen the whole the interaction on the train. I wasn’t proud of yanking the old fart’s wrist and maybe I had been acting obnoxiously on the train earlier. I was proud that I gave the old fart the benefit of the doubt and, at least in this case, that caused him to reciprocate with giving me the benefit of the doubt. I never went to his izakaya, though. He was an asshole, but even assholes deserve the benefit of the doubt from time to time.
Never touch another man like that, I would have decked you, if possible
Would you have put your hand in his face like that?
Do that on a train in Scotland and you would have gotten the Glaswegian Kiss….
I thought he put it on the Glass, an Asshole could get away with that, depending on the size,
This story does have enough dead Japanese people in it.
um, wut?
The old guy had his hand about an inch away from my nose and held it there for about five minutes. I’m glad it turned out fine.
Yeah, I don’t think I would’ve given him a warning.
I would have asked him to come to the nearest German bar and enter a stein holding contest.
*resumes whittling*
So what reason did he think he have for being so rude to you?
You no make face like that!
“rike that”, you mean?
Too rambunctious on the train, I suppose.
This is the part I don’t get. I guess “mind your beeswax” doesn’t translate, either.
“This angry gaijin asked me to make an artisan candle, I think?”
How do you translate “Why’s this enormous gaijin glaring at me?”
OOC, did you grow up on the east coast? Specifically in the mid-Atlantic? I moved out to San Diego for about a year after high school and the first thing I noticed is that people kinda just look at you until they’re done. Apparently that’s just a thing out there. To me, even today, that says, “I want to fight you.” It took me a few months to get used to it. On the other hand, unless I’m in an especially shitty mood and have been drinking a lot, if someone bumps into me my first reaction, before I can even process anything, is to say, “Pardon me” or something like that.
To me, even today, that says, “I want to fight you.”
It’s not to that level for Midwestern raised me, but it is discomforting. I catch my Texan wife doing it to people all the time, and she doesn’t even notice. She’s like “I’m people watching.” I usually respond with “no, you’re leering”
I just grin back. I think that may be as off-putting as staring.
It can be.
um, I have never heard of staring being a bad thing (unless you are ogling hooters).
Isn’t not making eye contact being “shifty eyed”?
Now that I’m thinking of it, I would have more problems with someone who wouldn’t make eye contact than someone who does.
I don’t make eye contact if I can help it because I really like to study people’s faces. If I look at them, I will stare, so I’d rather be socially awkward by avoiding eye contact than socially awkward by gawking.
I guess there is a socially-accepted length of time that it’s OK to make eye contact – and it varies from one region to another.
making eye contact is belligerent.
Making eye contact along with or as a precursor to some kind of social interaction is one thing. It would definitely be strange if someone wouldn’t make eye contact with me while talking to me. But, I read someone just staring at me without saying anything as confrontational. Sometimes it’s just someone staring off into space and not realizing it, sure, but definitely growing up and I think still to this day, 100% of the time if a dude is staring at another dude it’s a dominance thing and either one guy is going to back down or they’re going to fight. For better or worse, it’s just like with most animals.
Why?
If they are young women (and all women are young to me) it ain’t eye contact I’m making.
It’s a trust thing. It’s probably linked in some fashion with the confrontation angle of making eye contact with strangers. If you’re saying something to me, making eye contact means that you’re not hiding anything. You’re not afraid of my seeing something in your expression that might not mesh with what you’re telling me. Or I guess depending on the body language it’s disrespectful because you’re being dismissive, like I’m not worth the effort to address directly. Eye contact in a conversation tells me (rightly or wrongly) that you’re giving me your full attention.
I don’t need to give you my full attention to talk. I need my eyes for looking at things, and your face has already been seen and processed.
Sure, but, as they say, most communication happens outside of speech, and what you’ve just told me is that you don’t especially care if I think you’re paying attention to me. If we know each other that might not be an issue because I’ll already be acquainted with your particular mannerisms (and vice versa) but if we don’t then the unspoken message I’m getting is that you aren’t paying attention to me and don’t find me especially important. Just sayin’, that’s how that body language reads.
Come to think of it, I remember some documentary on prisons talking about the big rule being that you don’t make eye contact with people for more than one or two seconds, and thinking, “Well, yeah, duh. That’s just common courtesy.”
https://www.themarysue.com/gorilla-gaze-glasses/
Being that we are Great Apes, eye contact is a signal of aggression.
OTOH, it’s also a signal of sexual interest and people with autism and some psychiatric disorders are unable to make eye contact, thus making their social interactions dysfunctional.
Eye contact is actually a pretty complicated subject with all kinds of social subtexts.
Yup.
I used to work at the Yerkes Primate Center. One of the first things they teach you is “do not make eye contact with the apes”.
Good advice when they sense it as a signal of aggression and they are powerful enough to dismember you before anyone could get to you to help.
You have no idea how powerful an ape is. I used to work with some of the guys that fabricated their cages and “toys”. The simplest things for something like a full-grown male orangutan are made out of thick, welded steel. Because anything less and they can rip it apart like tissue paper. Even then, they eventually break most things that they can move.
I saw a transport cage for the Capuchins that was partially dismantled. The cage portion was made from stainless steel bars welded together in a crosshatch pattern with holes about 1″ in size. The steel was all pulled apart and bent.
“What happened?”
“He just sat there and put two fingers through the cage and started pulling on the bar. Plink, plink, plink the welds popped off one at a time. Then he moved on to the next one. Just kinda looking at it with curiosity…. like “what happens if I pull on this?”
I pulled on one of the bars…. yeah, it didn’t really bend when I pulled on it, despite being kind of thin. It sort of flexed a little and sprang back. And this monkey was able to not only bend it, but rip welds apart with two fingers. Jeeez. And that’s a reasonably small monkey – at least compared to a great ape.
Wisconsin. Didn’t notice a big difference in attitudes towards staring when I was in the states. Californians are gawkers, eh?
SoCal, at least around San Diego, that was my experience. And I’ve run it past people from the area since who’ve moved east (and people from here who’ve moved out there) and it seems to hold up.
Growing up even in upstate NY I was very annoyed by a general sense of people being “in your face”. Like, total strangers chatting you up on the street for no reason. I find that I fit in more in a place like NYC where that doesn’t happen so much. It’s similar to the effect Straff mentioned yesterday about people who adapt to living in crowded places. You learn not to get in other people’s business without a damn good reason.
Yeah, in New Jersey the most common and immediate response would be “The fuck are you lookin’ at?” A held stare is pretty much an invitation to fight in most cases.
There are times that I do notice someone coming at me on the street or in the hall and something gets me all triggered. I go on high alert thinking that this asshole might be ready to jump, so I better get all froggy myself.
Almost every time that happens and I learn more about the trigger perp, I discover he is an ex-Marine and that he felt the same about me. I’ve even talked about it with them and we’ve tried to figure out what it is that set us both off. Not sure what it is.
I’d imagine it’s a lot like when two dogs get a whiff of the other’s ass and they go crazy.
I’ve gotten out of being threatened with violence several times, just by letting my face go slack and silently staring at the jackhole making the threat.
I’ve been told that I have a Stabby Resting Face. I’m cool with that.
On the rare occasions when I notice somebody staring at me, I usually just stare back and take it as an opportunity to practice my dead-eyed stare (a very useful tool in many situations). I have found that thinking violent thoughts while giving someone the dead-eye seems to enhance the effect. The key is to be impassive and unblinking – I’m going for the affect of a sociopath who sees everyone as just bags of meat. It apparently is really hard for people to deal with. I like “Stabby Resting Face” – pretty much what I am after.
Yeah, its a variation on “personal space” how long it is socially acceptable to stare at someone – its regional/cultural.
You get out of being threatened by standing up. 6’10 or whatever the hell you are can be intimidating.
Here’s the best way to deal with it.
Generally if someone is staring at me, I assume they suffer from some sort of mental disorder, not that they want to fight. I guess that’s the polite Midwest culture in me.
I assume they suffer from some sort of mental disorder
Or are about to ask me for money, a cigarette, directions, etc… which is why I’ve perfected the always pissed off don’t talk to that dude look.
Do you know what set him off? Yes, he was thinking, “This man have large American penis. Enormous penis. Like dinosaur penis. Not like Japanese penis. Such small penis.”
Old guy maybe had flashbacks to 1945.
This story does have enough dead Japanese people in it.
You are repeating yourself…to what end?
if a joke does not get laughs the first time try agaian?
Im assuming it’s a joke, too. Brochett has a strange sense of humor that I don’t really understand.
Maybe it is a joke that works on many levels (of threading)?
Everything reaches peak humor when you repeat it a third time.
The lesson you’re taking away is: better to kill the guy than let him eyeball you? Exactly what I intended.
Maybe he wants to fuck? Sometimes people staring at you means they want to fuck you.
I am ubiquitously, ordinarily moderately okay looking, which makes me a doppelganger for lots of people. I get a lot of legit “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”s.
Oh right you are that famous writer / actor / glamour model. Autograph my hand please
Lol, no, just other ubiquitously, ordinarily moderately okay looking people.
I just realized what you were saying. This avi is not me. It’s my Halloween avi, yes, but I am not that person.
No, I was not saying that. It was just random. I actually remember when you changed your avi mid thread. I commented that Halloween was to far away for that.
Yes, I remember now. 🙂
I’ve mistake them all the time. Stereotype, but true. I’ve been asked many times if I’m this guy.
#metoo
So what possible reason could Miyagi have for this atrocious behavior? – punks like you comin’ into his country taking his women drinkin’ his sake (bleah sake) . There ought to be a law
Maybe he was powering up an energy blast ala Dragon Ball Z
+1 super turtle wave
I’m always getting in trouble for social shit like this. My main problem is that I usually don’t care about what anyone else around me thinks about my actions.
For example, last weekend we went to NDSU to see my oldest son and so that the youngest son could tour the campus. The wife came too. During the campus tour my wife and son were mortified several times that I wandered off the tour path. Everyone else in the group dutifully followed the tour leader around. If I saw something interesting, I would just walk over and look at it. I also struck up a conversation with some poor kid in one of the circuits lab.
I don’t think it is weird at all, but people around me are always commenting on it. Another thing that causes acquaintances problems is my refusal to pause conversations on elevators. My take is that I’m not saying anything bad, so why should I shut the fuck up? I am also prone to starting new conversations with strangers on elevators too. I don’t know why that is wrong either. I think it is just being friendly.
Visiting Japan and Korea is actually easier for me. Since I am a foreigner, the natives don’t expect me to know the rules so I can get away with murder. None of them realize I am weird back in the States too.
I can get away with murder. – I though that when I went to Thailand. They are still looking for me in that part of the world. They guy had it coming though, sold me a warm beer
They guy had it coming though
To be fair, you thought you were killing a woman….
You’re that weirdo. 😉
In Chicago I came about two floors away from setting up a coworker with a stranger in the elevator. I had been talking with office crew about a person in the office who had started weight training but more for power than to get that body builder physique. A woman laughed and said “too bad, I love body builders”. I spent the next twenty floors talking him up (he was single and had no gal and no game). As we were getting off, she politely passed but I was close.
My coworkers in the elevator were laughing themselves sick and I was perplexed about why that was funny. I thought I was being an awesome wingman/boss. They all thought it was the craziest thing they ever saw.
A body builder who has no woman in his life and no game
Coworkers were laughing at you and you didn’t know why
I see.
Lol.
Do you start conversations with people standing at the adjoining urinals, too?
Nope. I’m too busy talking to my own penis.
“Who’s a pretty cock? You are!”
I LOLd.
Uffda. Never a good day when a glamour model laughs at your penis.
Ohhhh, um, that avi is not me.
Huh? You mean Pie wasn’t doxxing you when he called you out as a glamour model up above?
What is this world coming to when you can’t trust a Glib?
I’m didn’t get what he was saying. (I’m on narcotics, so I’m not the sharpest pencil in the box.)
This is my Halloween avi.
Never a good day when a glamour model laughs at your penis.
Eh, you get used to it.
I somehow did not see this comment…
Look, I’m not in that tiny space with other people to socialize. I’m in it to change floors. The only way it’s not awkward is if people just shut up and ignore the rest of the people in their personal space. If you start to talk to me, I’m going to notice that you are way too close.
I meant to copy the part about striking up new conversations. This part:
An existing conversation that does not involve me does not bother me, because I can still pretend you are over there and not actually within elbow’s reach.
I’m wildly entertaining. You’d want to talk to me if we were on an elevator. (or at least that is what I think)
This sounds like my 6 year old. The world is full of his friends, that he just hasn’t met yet. The other two siblings are falling over themselves trying to shut him up.
I like your older children.
*other
They are, in fact, the older ones. Which isn’t too much of a surprise.
The world is full of his friends, that he just hasn’t met yet.
The great thing is, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy a lot of the time.
“I’m wildly entertaining.”
I can vouch for this.
*stares at feet and mumbles thanks*
Now I feel bad about jabbing all those needles into the knee of my A-Rog voodoo doll.
The elevator is the silence box. In deference to the wonder that is the elevator, users must constantly calculate the optimal position such that spacing is equal between all parties, preferably stacking towards the edges to prevent awkwardness when someone gets off. The only appropriate expression is one of polite, slightly embarrassed disinterest. No eye contact is to be made. If for some ungodly reason conversation is necessary, it should be limited to the most banal topics, e.g. the weather, and exercised with just a hint of shame, as of a parent making excuses for a wayward but favorite child.
“Floor?” that’s about it on an elevator, you have good rules Bill
Thank you sir! You’ve always struck me as a gentleman of character, unlike some of the heathens around here! 🙂
You should always stand near other people and facing the wrong way.
Everyone loves when that happens in the elevator.
I usually just fart in the elevator. It’s keeps the conversations to a minimum.
What I hate is people who try to start conversations at the urinal. And in Romania it happens. Usually people I know like coworkers but sometimes strangers in bars. I do not want to talk while pissing
“I’m trying to concentrate here! Do you know how hard it is to hit the target with a 15-inch penis? “
“So you were the one who bought the misprinted rulers?”
Yeah, that weirds me out man. I don’t know why, but it does.
Don’t breach the invisible wall that turns this awkwardly exposed public space into a private bathroom.
Bam. The bathroom is like an elevator where you poo. If you had to take a steamer on your front lawn in full view of the neighbors, you would, hopefully, be ashamed. Using a public bathroom is only slightly more acceptable.
Is there a trough loophole?
I can see a urinal being a solitary thing, but hey everyone at the trough is part of the same thing, right?
No. In that case it’s even more important that you keep your eyes to yourself and don’t say anything.
Not even “Dang, that water is cold. And deeper than it looks.”?
Kid about 20 set his phone on the urinal and was watching while he pissed next to me. Skinny guy about 5’9. Pissed on the floor near my feet. I’m no tough guy, but it ended with him getting choke slammed. Only serious physical altercation I’ve ever had with a Japanese person. Just wanted an apology, but stubborn asshole wouldn’t do it and then shoved me first when I insisted. He still wouldn’t apologize as I held him down in the pool of his own piss.
How are those anger management classes working out for you?
48 and only two physical altercations in 30 years. I think I’m below the average for my generation.
And I’m sure he got whiz on my shoes. I can’t inagine a place where that wouldn’t cause a fight.
If someone pees on me knowingly and refuses to apologize, I’m going straight to Defcon-1. First off, I don’t own cheap shoes. Second off, if I let that slide, what else will he try to get away with? Third, I’m just giving him the ass-whuppin’ his father should’ve given him when he was young enough to learn the lesson.
The guy wasn’t hurt. I didn’t punch him or anything. Took him down and then let him go. Only damage was to his pride and shirt. But yeah, you better apologize fast and sincerely if you piss on another man.
I’ve been in bars in China where the restroom attendant will start giving you a backrub in the middle of your leak.
Not very conducive to complete evacuation.
You are…..me?
For a long time I wondered if maybe I was nuts, didn’t know it and people were picking up on that. Then I decided I dont care.
FYI, a female staring at you doesn’t necessarily mean they want to take you back to their place. Sometimes it means they want you to join their crazy Christian cult. Learned that one the hard way…
but… do you get to go to their place after you join the cult?
“Yes, yes, sure. Just do me a favor and drink this Kool-Aid, and then we’ll get down to it.”
He did, then later he woke up with a negative bank balance and no kidneys.
Why not both?
It was tempting to play along, but it was just too much. I went with her to what I thought was going to be some bands playing at a warehouse. Turned out it was a local Christian band trying to recruit more for their commune. Had to sneak out through a bathroom window. Was too young and dumb to realize her stare was full of crazy.
Back in high school I knew a girl who was, I think, trying to justify sleeping with me by saving my soul. I didn’t mind her proselytizing.
I assume she preferred the Missionary position?
Better than flogging the Bishop.
I spent lunch hate reading Splinter. This comment on Kavanaugh (from someone who totally believes Ford):
If she couldn’t remember the exact date or place—which seems reasonable seeing as I can’t always remember those kind of details from parties I went to 10 years ago let alone 35—how does he? How does he know what party he wasn’t at?
Can’t argue with that – he’s obviously unfit.
How does he know what party he wasn’t at?
I think you know the parties you are at where you try to rape someone. If she is talking about a party where someone tried to rape her, then I’m not surprised that he remembers not being at that party.
I was thinking the same thing. Just today we were talking about how we all remembered where we were when Challenger blew up, 9/11 and such. Along those lines, if I were at a party and a rape went down, I’m sure I would remember where and when until the day I couldn’t remember anything.
For damn sure if I was the one who was raped. Maybe she has memory issues, but if this horrible sexual assault happened to her, I’d sure think she’d have a much better recollection of the details surrounding it.
“How does he know what party he wasn’t at?”
The same way I do. He wasn’t there. I wasn’t there either.
That was a fun story. Thanks, and more please.
I don’t know if Sloooy is around, but I wonder what he thinks of this: Moritz Family Fights Ohio State Over Undisclosed 1% Annual Development Fee Charged Against Naming Gift To Law School, As Endowment Has Shrunk From $30m To $22m In 17 Years. Money drained to pay for administrators and their travel/dining? Go figure.
“Sloooy”? Jesus, I meant to write “Sloopy”.
Interesting read about faith and music.
OT:
I’m posting here because I’m not able to discuss this with anyone other than my wife at the moment, but I just got my MRI results back. Right now the cause of my symptoms (peripheral neuropathy) is looking like small vessel ischemic change, i.e. mini-strokes.
I’m not sure how to process it yet. I’m 48 years old and not mentally ready (pun intended) for this shit. Potentially early cognitive decline is right at the top of the list of things I don’t want.
I’ll find out more in the coming weeks, but I’m taking advantage of this group to vent because it’s not appropriate to discuss this with employees or my parents yet.
Sorry about the threadjacking / crap news and I may not respond to replies but thank you for listening and thank you in advance for any well wishes/sympathies.
Geez man, I hope that the initial news is the worst blow and that you and the doc can cobble together a treatment that mitigates any long term issues.
I’m really sorry to hear about that, I’ll be thinking and praying for ya.
Bummer.
Loss of cognitive function is the sort of ailment I most dread because my mind is the only thing I’ve really got going for me.
Damn… sorry to hear of this. To be glib: As I like to say, the “warranty” on the human body runs out after age 40. Here’s hoping there is someway to correct this.
Damn. That sucks. I hope you get second (and perhaps third) opinions about any treatment options.
I’ll hold a good thought for you.
Yikes. Sorry to hear that.
Sorry bout that… to be optimistic these things sometimes have no severe long term effects…
Same age. Stuff starting to fall apart. Hope there’s effective treatment for your ailment.
Well that sucks. Can these mini-strokes be treated / prevented? I sure hope so.
Ugh. I’m really sorry, Scruffy.
I’ll be praying for you as well.
Dude… Truly sorry to read that.
That sucks man, I’m sorry to hear it. Is this something that can be managed? I’m sure your doctor has gone through the worst-case scenario with you, but what’s the most likely scenario like? Very few people make it to 50 without a chronic condition of some kind, so there’s a lot of market for treatments to manage those conditions.
I just have the radiologist results. The neurologist is still reviewing the scans to try to determine how much and why.
Worst case is probably a full blown stroke, or maybe worst case is ending up like my grandfather who turned into a raging abusive asshole with early onset dementia. (To be fair, he was always an asshole.)
I’m still reacting to it and it may be quite manageable, but it’s exactly the kind of thing I didn’t want to hear. I think I’d rather lose a leg.
Well, easy for me to say, but try to keep a stiff upper lip. Right now you’ve got data rather than information, as they say, so there’s no reason to assume the worst.
Scruffy, you don’t have all the information you need yet. Your neurologist may very well come up with a line, or several lines, of treatment. Meantime, good thoughts to you
Scruffy, you don’t have all the information you need yet
Very true. I had to vent a little just to get it out. Thanks.
I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself.
God Help You Man, That’s tough,,,,,,
I am very sorry to hear that. No one is ever ready for that at any age and certainly dont deserve it.
“early cognitive decline is right at the top of the list of things I don’t want.”
Right there with you. I have RA. One of the problems is ‘cognitive effects’. I haven’t noticed any yet but that is more worrying to me than physical decline.
People are often surprised that I dont take advantage of my ability to get any prescription pain killer that exists. Really surprised. I have been offered by numerous doctors and I always say ‘Thanks but no thanks.’ My answer when they ask why? “This is falling apart” *points at body*
“This is all I have left” *points at head*
Keep your chin up. A positive attitude has more effect than it gets credit for. We are all pulling for you.
Cripes, I’m really sorry to hear that! I hope you can find a treatment to stop things from going wrong for a long time. For what it’s worth, you’ll be in my thoughts.
That is rough news. I can relate to your fear of this being one of the things you do not want. Best of luck on what you hear from the neuro-doc.
The news is bad, sure. But you can be lucky and have a mild case of your condition. Especially with the right treatment.
Wow sorry to hear that. I’ll be praying for you
Aww jeez. But of course, please tell us what you find out as you go along here.
I know exactly what you mean- my cognition is everything to me.
Uffda (the bad intonation on it type)
I’m so sorry to hear that. Chin up, my sister in law got a diagnosis of 6 months on her neck cancer and she’s still kicking it 7 years later. She was misdiagnosed to begin with by Japan’s medical system.
Go home and give everyone an extra big hug no matter what.
Sorry 🙁
Shit, I missed this earlier. I’m really sorry to hear that, Scruffy. But, as others say, it’s early in the process. Best thoughts for an easily manageable outcome.
As a woman, I learned to make eye contact exactly because people who don’t are seen as more submissive. There has been some research, which I don’t have at my fingertips, that one is far more likely to be mugged if not making eye contact, for example. One looks like an easier target.
It’s general situational awareness. I see people walking around in public places looking at their phones completely oblivious to their surroundings including people nearby. They are easy meat for a criminal. Put your phone in your pocket and scan with your eyes – crooks will notice and avoid you – and if they don’t, at least you are ready to fight or run.
Indeed. I am on the line of hyper vigilant in public, and sometimes cross right over depending on where I am.
My dad had a thing he’d do that I picked up (but not quite as well) that was like guaranteed to dissuade potential muggers, bums, the works. The best way I can describe it is like when you’re at the zoo outside a big cat exhibit, and you notice that one of the tigers has gone from sort of a wide focus observing stuff around it to a very, very narrow focus entirely on you. And you realize all of a sudden that the tiger is now really, really interested in you, and that walking up to the tiger cage like a goober stuffing your face full of popcorn while you gawk at the inmates isn’t as fun as you’d thought, all things considered.
Also, men talk to you and not your chest.
No, they still talk to my chest. Because men are pigs.
I’m oppressed by the patriarchy everywhere I go.
Except here, where I wield supreme power. 😉
I promise I won’t talk to your chest.
You want me to disrespect those breasts? Not gonna happen.
head up, shoulders back. looks aggressive. plus it’s great for your posture which has all sorts of benefits.
Meh – I was painfully shy when I was young. To this day if I’m shoved into a new social situation, I feel really uncomfortable until I have time to process it.
I don’t make a lot of eye contact – but, as I learned when I was young – that’s an open invitation for bullies. So I usually make a quick glare as if I’m really pissed about something, and then move my attention to something else. ie – look more annoyed by the person’s presence than nervous. It also helped that I’m 6’2″ so most people – unless they are nuts – don’t pick on the tall guy.
That sounds too familiar.
My main approach to social interaction is to say nothing, or as little as possible until I’ve taken the measure of the other people – a process which takes weeks or longer. This may cause me problems on the road trip.
When I was a youngin’ working at a factory I heard a lot of “LH seems really stuck up.”
My closer co-workers, who got to know me, said: “Nah, you just have to get to know him.”
God bless those older black ladies. Some of the kindest people I’ve worked with.
Our personalities are too similar. I never worked in a factory, but transplant that to an office, and it’s more or less the same plot…
I avoid eye contact because some people take it as an invitation to chat.
Idaho is a place where complete strangers will strike up a conversation, say good morning when you walk past them, just generally a friendly, relaxed atmosphere. You can tell the recent California transplants because they avoid eye contact and don’t know how to respond when a stranger talks to them.
A couple of years ago we were back in California visiting friends and family. We went for a walk around a local reservoir. During the 3.5 mile walk, we past at least 200 people walking the other direction. Not a one of them would make eye contact. In fact, if they caught you trying to make eye contact, they would quickly look away. I told my wife, “watch this”. I looked at a passerby, smiled and said “good morning!”. The walker flinched like I had slapped him and rapidly moved off down the trail.
I think population density makes people tend to pull in on themselves to create a personal space. And as people get older, the, “I don’t really give a shit what other people think” attitude sets in. So in crowded places, attitudes collide and old people are staring at people that don’t want to be stared at. As for the munchkin sticking his and in your face, I don’t have a clue. At least he saw the error of his ways and it ended up well.
Interesting, that is not my experience at all in Southern California. People almost always say “hi” to each other on a trail when I go for a leisurely afternoon hike around LA.
Don’t know about California, but around here, you Do. Not. Talk. To. Random. People.
When I moved to Colorado, I wasn’t ready for People to wave at me as I drove by, it was odd for this Cali Boy. Rural roads, everybody knew everybody else so it’s natural to say High I guess.
Nice people
Sounds nightmarish.
If I’m not bothering you, pretend I’m not there.
That’s gonna be awkward when we meet you for dinner.
I had meant that as a general rule with random encounters.
My brother moved back from San Francisco and stayed with me for about a year.
He was amused that all the neighbors waved when he drove by every day.
He also talked about not making eye contact or engaging with anyone on the street in SF. Way to dangerous.
Better yet, dont go to SF.
Here in Louisiana waving and saying hello to just about everyone is normal. Maybe once in the last ten years I did not have the gesture returned.
Grouchy old man mumbled something to me so I said ‘how are you this morning’.
“What? You writin’ a book or sumthin’?”
I just laughed and said ‘have a nice day’.
I’m in Texas, two hours SW of Houston. About five years ago two friends of mine moved to Colorado, came back about a year later. They thought Coloradans were much more rude than what they were used to down here.
It was in 1995, Fremont County, Penrose, cty. road 132
There’s a one lane bridge down the road from my house, and you can tell the locals from the passers through. The locals wave when they drive past, the rest glare.
You did an interesting version of the gaijin smash. In the old man’s view you initially broke the rules. OTH, so did his response. But you actually getting physical was just something he couldn’t comprehend.
What I find interesting is that is the “drunk dude on the train” gets about as much social leeway as anything transgression I can think of in Japan.
The only time I didn’t get the “gaijin bubble” on the train in Tokyo was by drunk salarymen.
It’s weird, but they sit next to me all the time now. If I go abroad and come back, they don’t. A week or so goes by and then they’re sitting next to me again.
Bizarre!
It’s like you need to wash off the the foreign smell.
That’s what I was thinking. Food and environment make a difference in your smell. They may not even realize that’s what it is.
Could be the smell, but I definitely feel different when I’m in the states. Hard to describe, but the word that comes to mind is “aggressive”. Everybody seems aggressive. Aggressively angry, friendly, serious etc. Heck, some people seem aggressively laid back.
OT:
Day 2 of low-carb. Again.
It is a curse, knowing how to make funnel cake.
I need a spiralizer. Zucchini noodles, yo.
Best served with a chunky meat sauce and Parmesan.
…and a slice or two of garlic cheese bread.
Or this: https://www.carrvalleycheese.com/Garlic-Bread-Cheese/productinfo/3084/
I’m on day 8. I was out last night and the bar had fresh baked pretzels. That I got through it without taking a single bite of delicious salty bread goodness is a testament to something.
Oh, man. That would break me like a dry twig.
It was a near thing.
The first week is the toughest. After that, you should be adjusting to the ketosis and start feeling better. Until then, keto flu is a real thing.
I have my own variation of the mayo clinic diet. It’s probably not a healthy way to lose weight but it works for me. I lower my calorie intake to about 1000 to 1200 a day for one week. Usually drop about 8 pounds in that week. Then I slowly increase the calories and exercise routine with it. Dropping my calories that much forces me to think about what I’m eating and leaves me with only healthy options. Last time I did this I lost about 40 pounds over 3 months. Once again as a disclaimer probably not a healthy way of dieting.
Unlike my previous successes, now I am dealing with menopause and an anti-anxiety medication that makes me want to eat whether I’m hungry or not, and crave sugar/carbs more.
So this is uncharted territory for me. I’ve never had to count calories with low-carb, but now I’m going to.
Are you using my fitness pal?
Cronometer. I love it.
Sweet! I’ve heard good things about that app. Tried it once, but stuck with MFP.
I’ve been eating low carb-ish but yesterday I, too decided to go back to full keto. I just felt so much better when I did it last time. My energy levels were much more consistent, and I felt like crap much less often.
You can send my your carbs you don’t want.
I’ve slowed down a lot lately. Still above 150, but can’t seem to crack 160.
My poor-people food recipe book. More specifically, funnel cake bites.
Nice – bookmarked!
Enjoy! 🙂
I’m taking a Soldering test tomorrow, anything I need to know? I haven’t burned in a year or so, I hope they have decent Gear to use.
I found it odd that the job still existed, they called within 20 minutes of my email.
/Dinosaur
Good luck, Yusef!
Thanks!, now go buy Glib Stuff, or the Orphan gets it!
No, not the orphan!!!!
don’t go into an interview wearing Resting Stabby Face.
Still with Amazon, or is this a different opportunity?
Bigger the glob, better the job!
Welp, I’ll be gone for afternoon lynx, so you all get your second helping of Titty Tuesday early!
http://archive.is/Uf8F6
1, 12, 14, 17, 30. I’m not known as an Ass Glib by any stretch, but damn if 7 isn’t one perfect caboose.
19 wins the gold.
Honestly, I have to admit that I will greet random people. It’s a nice thing to do and it throws them off guard.
Yeah, people love that. 😛
BTW, the part of this post that strikes me the most is: “It’s about questioning the little story I’ve concocted to justify why I feel the way I do.”
It would a better world if more people reflected thus.
Thank you for writing.
It would a better world if more people reflected thus.
That way lies madness!
‘Walsh consistently said the video, filmed from behind McDonald, did not show what he and Van Dyke saw.’
Yeah. It just shows reality, not want the snowflake cops were feeling.