If you are within 10 miles of the coast between Charleston and Norfolk, go buy a bunch of water, food that doesn’t need refrigeration, and fill your gas tank if you have less than half a tank. And do your neighbors a favor. Gas up early, not often. People say to keep your tank topped off — please don’t. Go buy a 5 gallon gas canister (or two) and fill that. That will get any car or truck another 50+ miles. If you have half a tank plus that, you can get far enough inland to get gas. It keeps the lines shorter, and lets the tanker fleet run a little more effectively than having everyone in town constantly buying the gallon or two they just burned.

In less depressing news, Florida Man got a chance to tangle with British sailors. Oh wait, the Brits just fought each other, because Florida Man is that scary. Or the Brits are just that polite. Pick your stereotype and run with it.

GOP Gubernatorial candidate resigns from Congress. He says because he’s not going to be in Washington much this fall and it wouldn’t be right to accept his salary. Brett says, “pull the other one.”

Donald Trump, suuuuuper-genius, appears to have saved Jeff Sessions from pointed questions about how Sessions’ testimony before Congress is a little different than what actually happened. Its not so much that he’s playing 8-D chess as that his opponents have only a single response to anything he does.

John Bolton’s Mustache has threatened to murder and exsanguinate anyone from the ICC who attempts to prosecute Americans.*

*Not actually what he said.

Old guys when they were young, live.